In this Believe Life episode, host Evan Carmichael moderates a round‑table of couples and relationship experts who share personal stories and practical advice for building and sustaining long‑lasting, passionate relationships. The discussion covers a range of themes: setting a clear intention to be great together; expressing genuine adoration through attention and public praise; avoiding controlling behaviors and trusting partners; cultivating self‑generated happiness rather than over‑reliance on a partner; staying present by clearing past narratives that cloud current connection; shifting from a transactional "scorecard" mindset to a generous, giving orientation; using humor and playfulness to transform irritations into appreciation; and confronting the fears that arise with aging and the prospect of loss. Throughout, speakers emphasize intentional effort, mutual support, and reigniting passion as keys to enduring love. The episode concludes with Evan inviting viewers to comment on the advice that resonated most and suggest future topics.
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Good morning, Believe Nation. Today's episode of Believe Life is going to focus on how you can improve your relationships. How did you meet?
Blind date.
I was 22, just 22, and he was just 23. I thought, I gotta hold on to this one.
M-m-m-marry?
She proposed.
We talked about it and we got engaged.
We've been married for 50 years and both, as you'd imagine, secure in the marriage. Not afraid of losing the other one, but at this stage of our lives, you worry about losing me and being by yourself. That's a hard thing. You get so used to somebody being there and then one day one of us is not going to be there. And that's it. That's hard. That's really hard.
Sometimes thinking about the upside of love brings thoughts of the downside.
It's still worth it. It's still worth it.
How to be great in a relationship begins with having the intention to be great. I know that sounds so simple, but you meet so many people who, who they jump into a relationship, they're so excited to find their girlfriend, their boyfriend, to get married, to have that husband, that wife, that partner, and they're so excited about it. And then over a period of time, what ends up happening? They get caught in a routine, they get to know the person better, they develop, you know, habits and responses and pet peeves, and all of a sudden they stop seeing the magic in the very person they met with and intentionally had this idea to grow this great relationship. You know, we're going to be amazing together. And people stop putting great intention and great efforts into their relationships, and over a period of time they feel ho-hum and they start to die. And you and I both know that. So the challenge is this: if you want to have a great relationship, your intention must be to be great, to make the other person feel great, and to build a great life together.
If you need to place restrictions on people in your life, something is wrong. For example, if you're a girl and you need to tell your boyfriend, hey, you can't go to that party because that certain girl is gonna be there and I don't trust that situation, that should be a huge red flag. Like straight up red flag so huge using China. There is no way you can justify that you have to place restrictions on your partner for them to remain loyal loyal to you. Because here's a question: why would you want to be in that situation? Why would you want to be with someone that you can't trust in the first place? Because wouldn't you want to be with someone who goes to the party, looks damn fine at the party, has a blast at the party, remains loyal at the party, and then comes back home to you after the party? And I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you know I like to keep it real, all right? You can place any amount of restrictions on someone that But if they want to cheat on you, they are going to cheat on you. The goal is not to place restrictions around the person so they don't. The goal is to be with someone that won't.
You have to adore people. If you don't adore the person that you are with right now, you have to re-summon that up. You have to look for the things in them that will help you do that. And the way to do that? Give them more attention. Show them more appreciation. When they receive more attention and more appreciation from you, there will be an energetic change in the relationship. It will turn more vibrant, more— there'll be more pop in it. And all of a sudden, you'll start to notice that person. They come a little more alive around you, and it'll be easier to adore them because you're like, oh look, I never even noticed they do these things.
That's funny.
Or, oh gosh, I never noticed they did all these things for me. I have attention to that now, and I appreciate that now. You'll start to adore them more. When you adore the person with you more, you You do things for them. You do more things for them. You want to see them light up. You start supporting their dreams more. Are you doing that? Because real adoration is getting out of your own way and asking, "What is it about this person's life that I can support, that they love to do?" Because showing real adoration is showing support. Real adoration is not just doting on somebody with flowers and gifts, though you should do that too. It's about wanting to support their bigger life goals. Their bigger dreams. When you truly adore somebody, you want so desperately to see them happy and passionate, engaged, living their own fully charged life. When you really adore someone, you go out of your way, out of your way to brag about them in front of them, right? When they're there and you're in a social situation, you'll compliment them, you'll brag about them, and you'll make them— like, if you haven't made your partner, your spouse, your lover, your husband, your wife, blush for a while with a good compliment in front of other people, what are you doing? Right? I'm always trying to embarrass my poor lady, you know, but in a positive way because I'll compliment her in front of other people and she'll be like, "I really appreciate you said that about me," because I want her to feel adored. I want everybody in the community, I want everybody in my life to know how much I adore my lady. So do you have that intention for yours, for the person you're with? Does everybody know how much you adore them? Are you bragging them up? Are you really adoring them personally and publicly? When you do that, you'll notice a different level of engagement in that relationship too, and everything will change because they will feel adored, appreciated, and feel like you're giving them attention. So they'll turn it around. Now they'll give you more attention, more appreciation, more adoration, and there'll be this spark that happens between the two of you that you never imagined that you could have. Is what it feels like to live the Charged Life.
I feel like too many people rely on other people for happiness, encouragement, and motivation. Oh, you're upset? Well, I guess that means someone has to cheer you up. Oh, you're slacking? Well, I guess someone needs to tell you to work harder. You accomplished something? Oh, well, someone better pat you on the back. This is not cute. And okay, hold up, don't get me wrong. Of course sometimes it is nice to rely on someone else. I mean, everyone is human. I mean, when I'm sick, I'm sick, yeah, I want someone to make me soup sometimes. It's nice to depend on someone sometimes. But if you constantly need someone to make you feel good, then you really need to stop and ask yourself, why can't you make yourself feel good?
One of the things that we found is we meet couples and very often people say, you guys seem like, you know, you're newlyweds. Or they'll ask us, did you guys just get married? Which we're really proud of after 12 years. But it's not a matter of time that makes that difference. If you're single, one of the reasons that people find themselves in a relationship that they're unhappy with is they're filtering today's relationship through the past. And one of the things that we've done for anybody we're going to help is get you to clear the decks of the past and step into who you're with right here and right now. That can start to create a difference because in the beginning of a relationship, what were you willing to do for that person? Anything, right? Anything. Whatever it takes. Now after a few months or a few weeks or a few years, all of a sudden you're saying, you know, Would you take out the trash? In the beginning you're like, whatever you want, the trash, I'm happy to do it for you. Now it's like, you know, what do I look like, your janitor? So learning how to be able to create that aliveness again and not filter your partner through an old story is one of the most important things you can do to have a passionate relationship. I also think that if you think about the very beginning of a relationship, the very things you're most attracted to, very often when the relationship goes bad, you reject the things that you you loved. You know, in the beginning you may have been very enticed by this person because they seemed very mysterious and quiet, and now you're pissed off that they're quiet all the time. Or in the beginning you thought, wow, I love them because they had so much energy and passion, they just took over the room, and now you're like, why do they have to talk all the damn time? Don't they ever shut up? One of the things that happens in relationships is if we don't realize that what we're attracted to in the other person that we think is so different than us is just another part of ourselves that we're not actively utilizing. And if you don't use your partner to trigger that awakening inside yourself, eventually you resent them because you resent that a part of yourself is being shut down.
I think you both have, you know, certainly when we first met, there's little crazy pieces that drive each other crazy, but to shift those to actually appreciations. And one of the gifts we certainly give each other is rather than having that irritation, to actually be humored and to be playful about it. So it just breaks the pattern and creates, you know, just Brings an aliveness and a playfulness to the relationship.
You like the fact that my wife needs to have, you know, 9 hours of sleep and eat about every 15 minutes?
The fact that my husband only needs actually 4 and I beg him to go to bed at night. After 12 years, that's still something that transpires in our daily life of our relationship. Me begging for sleep and food.
Yes, I know, I know. But anyway, here's our point. If you want to have an extraordinary relationship, it really requires you to get outside of yourself. Yourself. We all know that when you really fall in love with somebody, it is really about what can I do for you versus what are you doing for me. The end of a relationship is when you're evaluating what they have done versus what you've done. If you've got a scorecard, you're on your way out. And that doesn't mean it can't be turned around. You know, the heavy of relationship can be eliminated when you step into that mode of giving. And interestingly enough, when people are attracted to each other though, you don't have these problems. Because when people have that sense of attraction, that energy, that sensuality, that sexuality, what happens is you have filters. You laugh about things that you'd be upset about before. So all the research that we found in all of our own lives and the literally the hundreds of thousands of couples we work with, we can tell you all these things we're talking about, but ultimately you need more passion. Lots of couples actually have love, but they don't have the level of passion they want, and there's an emptiness, there's a missing energy in their life. And so for us, the secret is really to unleash that again.
Thank you so much for watching. I made this video because Ramesh asked me to, so if there's another topic that you want me to cover in the next edition of Believe Life, leave it in the comments below and I'll see what I can do. I'd also love to know which of the advice resonated the most with you, you're going to take some action on, and what are you going to do to now try to go out and improve your relationship? Leave in the comments below. I would personally love to hear it, and I think it might also inspire inspire others to take action as well. Thank you so much for watching. Have an amazing day. Continue to believe, and I'll see you soon.
