The video opens with a host introducing the theme of eliminating the habit of complaining. Throughout the episode, a series of successful entrepreneurs and motivational figures share personal stories and philosophies that frame complaining as a sign of irresponsibility and a barrier to progress. Casey Neistat illustrates how even severe personal hardships are minor compared to global crises, urging viewers to re‑frame grievances. Gary Vaynerchuk emphasizes his mother’s aversion to complaining, describing it as a defensive stance that hinders offensive action. Jack Ma argues that opportunities arise where others complain, positioning optimism and problem‑solving as the antidote. Evan Carmichael stresses disciplined principles, grinding, and the waste of energy that whining creates, urging commitment to execution. Jack Canfield explains that complaining signals an un‑willingness to risk creating a better reality and encourages focusing on desired outcomes instead of grievances. C.T. Fletcher recounts his post‑surgery suffering, describing how refusing to wallow in self‑pity transformed his pain into determination. The host closes by inviting audience interaction. The overarching message is that complaining is a habit that can be destroyed by adopting perspective, responsibility, proactive problem‑solving, and disciplined action.
Chapters
Good morning, Believe Nation. Today we're gonna talk about how to destroy the habit of complaining.
Let's chat a little about complainers. Generally, a complainer is a person who doesn't take responsibility for their own actions. A complainer is someone who would always talk about why they failed instead of how to succeed. Now, there's one simple reason why it's never ever okay to complain, and that is there's always someone that has it worse than you do. Let me give that a little context. So when I think about some of the things in my life that I'd want to complain about, some of the really hard things, and then I give them any sort of real-world context they aren't that consequential. Let me get really specific. When I was 16 years old and I had to drop out of high school to get a terrible job to support my new baby, that was pretty rough. You know, that is a big enough excuse for me to justify any actions I take in my life. I know, but I couldn't do this because— to embrace that as an excuse to complain. But the truth is, that's not so bad. Dropping out of high school, like really not having much of a place to live, having no money, having a baby, being on welfare, like all those things really suck. But in the grand scheme of humanity, it's not that bad. Bear with me. I turn on my computer, I go to a news site, and the first story I read is about migrants from Myanmar that are stuck on a boat stranded because the Thai government won't let them into port. These are people just like you and me, and they're literally starving to death, and this is right now. I don't mean to be so extreme, but these are the things that I remind myself of anytime I want to complain or bitch about something in my life. You realize that there are people just like you and me who at this very moment are truly facing things we are lucky enough to go our entire lives without ever having to experience. Okay, let me tell, let me tell one more story to back this up. One more story where like my feelings around complaining and life in general were really set straight. 3 years ago I did this project, led like a very small relief mission to the Philippines after they had been devastated by Typhoon Haiyan. This is some of the video here. That was somebody's home. People didn't have water, people didn't have food. You know, these people had nothing. Their livelihood, their life, their existence had totally been stripped away from them. And what struck me the most about the entire experience, all of my time there, was not once did anyone complain. But they lost everything and they didn't complain. And they all focused on one thing. They focused on change, not complaining. And because of that, I do take it personally when people complain because the truth is most of the time people who complain have nothing to complain about. Who cares if I went to a meeting that doesn't start till tomorrow and who cares if some guy locked up my bike brake cable? It really It really doesn't matter. If it's broken, fix it. If you don't like it, change it. And if you want something, take it. Don't complain about it. Just do something about it.
One of the people I look up to most in the world, maybe the person I look up to most in the world tied with my dad, I know Dad, you might watch this, is my mother. Hands down, and I mean hands down, the thing that I find most intriguing about my mom, and probably one of the things that I'm most happy that she's passed on to me, is her inability almost to complain. I find it extremely attractive. I would tell you that I adore my wife for that reason. As a matter of fact, Xander is whining too much, and he's only 2, and I find it unattractive. I'm very against complaining. I'm very put your head down. I'm very don't you realize you're healthy. Like, to me, the only thing you should complain about is the unfortunate unluck of health. You know, somebody dying that you love in a car accident, or you becoming terminally ill. After that, it feels controllable. And so, I really dislike complaining. I try to, I talk a lot about honey over vinegar. It's an analogy I use a lot here at VaynerMedia. I thrive on positivity, and so the way I deal with complaining is I try not to do it. I try to educate and empower people the lack of its, the lack of its value, I guess. I mean, I don't have a gear. You know, when you go in my gear, like, there is no like, oh, let me go into complain zone. To me, it's assess, figure it out and go directly back on the offense. I'm a very offensive player. Complaining is the defense.
We have a lot of— we have Alibaba Group, we have a Tmall Group, we have a Taobao Group, we have Alipay. And people say, how you make it? Why this make it? Why people cannot find opportunities, you can find opportunities? And I think people same here today. Jeff, where is the opportunity? I don't have a job. I don't have this. I don't have that. I remember 20 years ago, I hated Bill Gates. I say he took all the job, you know. He's such a great— Larry Page, Bill Gates, and every success people, they did good. And why I didn't have this chance? The same question like you. And later I calm down myself, and luckily I win. I tell you, I'm lucky to know a lot of famous people. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Jack Welch, Larry Page, Mark Zuckerberg. I know all of them. I would like to share with you that those people, the difference between those people and other people, they are always optimistic for the future. They never complain. They always try to solve the problems of the others. And I think, where is the opportunity? The opportunity always lies in the place where people complain. Some people sit there complaining, you think, hmm, if I can solve that complaint, that's the opportunity.
I just believe behind every principle is a promise, you know, and there are principles out there. Find a man who's diligent at his work and he shall stand before. It's their principles, man. Whatever thy hand findeth to do, do it all thy might. And sometimes we get so caught up on, I'm not feeling it today, or I don't like that person, or I don't like this circumstance or this situation. You gotta get mature and you gotta be at a place when you say you're gonna do something, no matter what happens, you do it. Because again, when you start grinding, when you start waking up early, when you start keeping your word to yourself, to your boss. Like when you go into 120, when you all in by any means necessary, you start seeing stuff and you start experiencing stuff and you start having stuff that people who are not doing that, they never get. So for me, it's like, yo, E, you ain't gonna always feel it. Like you're not always gonna be happy. You're not always gonna be energetic. You're not always gonna be pumped up, right? So you gotta get past that And you just gotta make that commitment to execute. And so I just wanna say to those of you out there, like, for real, man, stop whining. For real, because when you whine, you're wasting energy, and you only have so much energy. You only have so many hours. You only have so many weeks, so many months, so many years to live. And if you waste it whining and complaining, you will never get to your dreams and your goals. But if you just buckle down, bear down, and say, "Look, I'm gonna get through this pain, I'm gonna get through this frustration, because on the other side of pain is a reward." Man, you'll have things that people who whine and complain will never have, and you'll experience life in a way that they will never experience it.
How many of you have ever complained in your life? Yeah. You know, here's what I've learned about complaining. In order to complain, I have to have a reference point of something better that I want that I'm not willing to risk creating. Now let me explain that again. I have to have a reference point in my mind of something I want that's better than what I have that I'm not willing to risk creating. So what I do is complain about it instead. See, if I was complaining about my wife, it would mean that I would have to believe that somewhere out there in the world there's a better woman than my wife. See, if every woman on the planet died except my wife, do you think I'd go to work the next day and complain about her? No, she's the only one. And I'd be going, "Hey, I got her. This is really cool, right?" Do you ever hear anyone complain about gravity? Very rarely. You know, gravity makes us all bend over. Do you ever see an old person walking down the street going, "Gravity?" They have a little walker. "I hate gravity. If it weren't for gravity, I wouldn't be all bent over like this. Gravity sucks." Have you ever heard an older person doing it? No, the reason they don't complain about gravity is because there's no alternative to it. You know, gravity just is. So if someone's complaining about something, it means they know there's something they can do about it, because we don't complain about the things we can't change. So as soon as you hear yourself complaining, I want you to stop and say, okay, what would I rather have? Remember, Law of Attraction always says focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Because when you're talking about what you don't want, when you're complaining and blaming, you're focusing on that which you don't want, and you're accelerating its expression out into the universe with those negative feelings. And yet we'll spend a majority of our time complaining about so many things, and usually we complain about them to people who can't do anything about it.
When I had open-heart surgery and I died, I used to ask myself, I used to wonder to myself, I used to ask the good Lord, I used to pray, why, why did this happen, have to happen to me? I felt like I was a pretty good person. I tried to treat everybody right. I wasn't a prejudiced guy, I loved everybody. I didn't care what color you was, I loved you. So why, why did the Lord pick me? Why did it have to be the fortunate one, or unfortunate, however you want to look at it, to be stricken down and have to suffer like this. For a year and a half after my surgery, 18 months, 18 months, 6 months I had to spend in a wheelchair. 6 more months I had to sleep sitting down on the floor with my back up against the wall because if I laid down, I couldn't breathe. They had to cut my diaphragm during the surgery. Whole lot of complications. Anyway, I'd sit there, and I'd ask the good Lord, "Why? Why did I have to go through this? Why? Why did you do this to me?" And it got so bad, it was so bad, the pain was so bad, my hurt was so bad, that I used to say, "Lord, if I'm going to have to live like this," for the rest of my life, then just take me. Take me now. I don't want to suffer like this anymore. I went to one of many, many, many doctor visits that I had at the VA hospital. A young doctor approached me, came up to me, said, "CT, I heard that you used to be the champion of the world." Raised my head up, but I had a little inkling of pride still left, and I said, "Yes, I'm the one that you heard about. I'm the one that they told stories about. Yes, I'm C.T. Fletcher." He said, "What in the fuck happened to you?" Man. Boy, you know that hurt me. That hurt me down deep. But I tell you what, if that doctor was here today, I would thank him because his snide comment is what made me determined to no longer wallow in my self-pity, to no longer ask God, Why did he do this to me? My determination changed. From that day on, I wanted to prove to that little smart, wise [MASKED] that I could come back, that I was still C.T. Fletcher. And I wasn't going to let his little smart [MASKED] be right. I'm not down. I'm not done. I'm not through. It's over when I say it's over and not before.
Thank you so much for watching.
We made this video because Anna Young asked us to. If you have an idea for what we should do for the next Believe Life episode, please leave it in the comments below.
We'd also love to know which of the videos that you saw today is going to make an impact on you. What changes are you going to make now in your life? I'm really curious to find out. Leave in the comments, we'll join the discussion. Thank you so much for watching. Have an amazing day. Continue to believe, and we'll see you soon.
