How to Transform Your Mindset | 29 Minutes with Lily & Evan

Hello everyone, so welcome to another episode of Unlocking Lily. So it's always been my dream to be a speaker, which led me to quit my day job to work and mentor under Evan Carmichael full-time, and all of you are coming along for the ride with me. In every episode, I take on a different challenge to really help me grow as a speaker. So in this video, I'm going to be bringing all of you behind the scenes in my mentoring sessions with Evan Carmichael because I learned from Tony Robbins that success leaves clues, I actually have a surprise for you. I'm going to go find him and we're going to answer some questions together. I'm actually really looking forward to this because I don't even know what he's gonna say. So I hope you guys enjoy it and I'll see you very soon. So I finally got to Evan's building. I'm gonna go upstairs and record the videos for you guys. I'm actually really excited to find out his answers to a lot of things because I actually don't know the answers. So we'll see. We'll see how it goes. It's going to be fun.

What are we doing, Lily? What's happening?

Look at who it is. It's Evan. How did we meet, Evan?

How did we meet? Yeah. So Lily started at, at Toronto Dance Salsa. I didn't own it at the time. I was just an investor in the school and an instructor. And then you were a student.

Level 6 class. I was your student.

Was it the first time we met in my level 6 class?

I don't remember when I first met you.

So neither of us remember how we met, but it was dancing. At Charla Dance Salsa, and then you left to go to another school to perform.

Yes.

And then you came back to teach.

Yes.

And then we didn't really— did we? I don't— I mean, I'm sure we've danced and had pictures and stuff. Nothing. It's not memorable for either of us. Okay.

And then we had our first meeting, which was apparently memorable for you but not for me.

I bought the entire business, Toronto Dance Salsa, last year in January, and Lily was one of our salsa instructors. One of the things that was important to me is I like staying in touch with the people on my team and knowing who they are and what their ambitions are, what their dreams are, how I can help, uh, and also just outside of just work, you know. For most of the instructors, TDS is a part-time gig. They have full-time jobs or their own business, and then at night they're teaching because that's when our classes are. And if I can help them along their journey and just better understand them, that was my goal. And also, I was inheriting a team, you know, I didn't build this team. So I was inheriting the people who are on this team apart from Alex, who I kind of picked to help me run it, but everybody else was already on it. And was hoping to have— I mean, I knew faces and, you know, said hi and had some dances that was obviously not memorable at all. But the thing— so I remember we met at just above the studio. There's a movie theater and we had a table. This is random table sitting outside the theater. It's kind of weird, actually. And we chatted for like 2 hours or maybe more.

I think it was more.

Was it more?

I think it was like 3 hours.

3 hours. Anyway, the thing that impressed me about Lily was I loved, I just loved her vibe. I loved her attitude. I loved the hardworkingness. And I think I said something like, at some point we're gonna work together on something. I think at the time you're also, you didn't know what you wanted to do. And there was, you know, I don't know that you saw yourself as an entrepreneur, but—

Never.

But—

Like never, never did I see myself as that.

Right. I don't know. I saw greatness within and I said, just keep me posted with what you're doing, other ideas, if I can play a part, I'd love to. Something like that without even knowing what you were interested in because you were still trying to figure that stuff out.

I think I walked away feeling like I could do more.

What's the next question? What do you got?

So the next one, next one was our second meeting, which was a big deal for me, but not a big deal for you.

Okay, there we go.

You audited one of my classes.

Oh, so another thing that I introduced was meeting— was auditing classes. So going to a class and just seeing how the instructor is doing. Traditionally would be you're set up as an instructor and then you never get a visit and you never get any feedback on what you're doing and to improve.

So I was dying for feedback.

Okay.

I wanted to know. Okay. I wanted to get better as an instructor and I didn't get any direction.

Right.

With the exception of maybe my, just my scores.

Right.

But that didn't really tell me how to get better, just told me that I sat at a certain standard. That's it. And you sat through one of my classes and we, then after that we sat down. I think you told me a lot of things I was doing right.

Okay.

I don't think you ever said that you're doing this wrong. Like, there was a lot of great things I was doing.

Okay.

And that's one thing.

Okay, that's all you remember?

That's all I remember. Nice. I said this one thing.

The one negative thing. One negative thing. What was feedback?

I feel like I don't know you. And at that point, I have known you for 6 years.

Okay.

And that's what really, really bothered me. And at first, I was really offended. I was like, well, you know, he doesn't know me because he didn't put the effort to get to know me. I'm pretty awesome. So it was the context of the class. You were saying that I don't— you're not relatable to the student.

Enough in class. Okay.

Enough in class.

Okay, okay, okay.

So, and then you said to me, they will learn from you more if you're more relatable and if they feel like they know you.

Right. Okay.

And I couldn't figure out why that was a problem.

Okay.

Even.

Okay.

I don't understand why relatability was such an issue.

Okay.

Like, isn't it good not to be relatable?

Okay.

Isn't it good to be an inspiration?

Okay.

So that's what I was thinking. At the time. And then it took a while. I think it took a few weeks or even months to realize what was actually going on.

Okay.

And then it just— but it sat with me though. Like, I was like seething inside for a long time. And then I kind of realized, you know, why am I unrelatable? I try to put myself in a very— on a platform, and I try to be very perfect.

Okay.

Because I'm too afraid to actually show what's actually going on inside.

Okay.

And that's where all the vulnerability stuff started coming in. I started researching why, and then I started reading about vulnerability, listening to Brené Brown talk, and I just like sat there and was like, wow, that's me. I want to be perfect, and perfection doesn't exist because I'm too afraid to do something that is vulnerable.

That was the start of the journey.

And that was the start of everything.

I was in the process of writing the book. And, uh, and TDS is in the book because it's built around family. And I was working with Alex and getting him to figure out his one word and do all that was such a battle at the beginning. And I briefly mentioned it to you in one of the conversations, and for some reason it stuck, you know, hit you at the right time or whatever, uh, and then you jumped on it and you went with integrity at the time.

Yes.

Because of what you're dealing with.

I think part of me trying to search for personal development, all of that, because I was searching for meaning. I wanted more meaning in my life.

Yeah.

And you just kind of ascended with this idea. I was like, wow, I could find my purpose. And I think I was just ready. I was ready to, um, yeah, you jumped on it really quickly. And I jumped on it really quick.

Yeah.

Yeah, because And I— but I was focused on what was going on at the time. So I picked the wrong word and then—

So that was another, you know, like, oh, this is— it's great how quickly Lily's moving on these things. But it was great to see her taking the feedback, finding the one word super quick. Just makes it easier when you understand what the person's makeup is. It's easier to do everything with them. And then I finished the manuscript. I gave the 30 people, local people, who was a huge— it was double the size of this book. And you had some good feedback in there. And was reading the book what caused you to change the word? Because before, I don't know if I sent you an exercise. I think we just talked about it and you came up with integrity.

Yeah, we talked about it.

And then what was reading the book?

I think you sent me one-pagers.

Okay, maybe like one—

just the exercise word. And I came up with integrity.

Got it.

And then I read the book, or the manuscript at the time. And then I— the second word, extraordinary, came out of a place where I was very uncomfortable with integrity and I was uncomfortable sharing stories around it because it just didn't feel right. Like, I did not know— like, I did not know how to articulate my other word, but I just knew integrity was not right. We had a meeting.

What was the meeting? What was the meeting?

Because I was concerned about my one word, so I had a meeting with you.

Okay, I don't remember that at all. Okay, and then? And then what happened after that meeting?

And then we kind of worked through it, and then I went to bed that day, went to bed that night, and I woke up, and then I realized I stood for extraordinary because I started thinking about all the daydreams that I used to have as a little girl.

Somewhere along the way, Lily told me that she wanted to be a speaker. That was your dream to be a speaker. You saw yourself on stage. You didn't know what your message was.

Oh, yes, I don't remember when it was, but I remember this conversation. And then you said these words, which was really interesting. It was good. He's like, don't tell me what your vision is because it might just come true.

That's true.

That's good.

Yeah. Do you remember what your first espresso was?

Yes. Well, I did a few of them. I think the first, it was how to love yourself.

So I mean, I have a YouTube channel. There's an opportunity, somebody wants to be a speaker, let's do it. Come on board, be a guest. I've on occasion had guests come on and be a part of the videos. Alex has been on a number of times, more about him being a thought leader and getting his skills up there, but he doesn't have ambitions to be a speaker. So yeah, you told me your goal and we started to make it happen. Where did you want to slash my car tires? Like, I don't—

I'm not—

you totally said— you said you— you sent me a note about slashing tires. I gave her the exercise of writing her credo and her bio. So once you find your one word, you find your credo, you find— you create your bio that helps kind of set your path. And then she wrote it somewhere in the bio. She wrote, I want to— I'm going to slash Evan's Vespa tires, as a test to see if I would have— if I actually read it Or not. I do my work. I read it.

You read it.

See, I read it.

You knew it. It was a test.

So I was looking for ways to again help Lily on her path to be a speaker. So the YouTube videos was a start. Then Lily, you know, said, okay, how about we run a workshop? It's not, it's not what we're kind of known for. We don't do personal development workshops, but we have a studio space. We have students. Even if only a couple people show up, how about we do a workshop talking about Extraordinary, Create an Extraordinary Life, and you came in and did that. And we met a couple times to go over the content. I remember that. I remember the first session we had downstairs at Loblaws going over the feedback. Oh yeah, I kind of totally changed the direction of—

because up to that point I only tested it on my husband and it worked. And then when I, when I gave you the workshop, it didn't make sense. So I end up going back and scrapping everything, which took me 100 hours to make to begin with. And then I went back, and that week I, I completely changed it, and then I delivered that a week later.

So we met like a week before to go over the content and answer questions and ease nerves, and I think the biggest challenge was you You created a workshop around an extraordinary life for what extraordinary means to you.

Exactly.

But not allowing them—

values of my own values.

We want to allow them to define what it means for them. That was the difference. I think that was the biggest difference. And then we ran the workshop and it was good. How many people? 10 people showed up to the first one?

It was something like that.

It was good. People enjoyed it. Good feedback. And then from there we talked about having potential one-word workshops. So, hey, people have asked me to do workshops. I don't, I don't want to really do workshops, but there's an opportunity, maybe you could do it. We're also thinking about implementing it more within TDS culture at the time, and so having Lily do regular workshops from the studio. We had a discussion, remember, before, just saying like, listen, this has to be something that you fully believe in and understand. And I get it, it's my message. It has to be your message too. It's okay to have your own spin on it and your own take on it. And, you know, Lily delivers it a way that I— in the slightly different than what I would do, but you have to believe in what's in the book and not be, you know, not be teaching something that you don't wholeheartedly believe in. And then you took like a couple days. Yeah, I don't know if you read the book again, you're listening to the audio version, or—

I read the first portion. Oh well, I read the book a couple of times to that point. Um, I was actually really proud of myself that I took a couple of days.

Wait, wasn't it the first book that you've read in like 20 years or something? 20?

I guess. It's true. I was really proud of myself for doing that because originally I would have just said yes at that moment. I was almost sure. I was almost sure that I was going to do it, right? But I really wanted to make sure that if it's a mission that I want to be part of, I wanted to see that. I took a few days and I realized that we're very similar. It's very important to know what you stand for in order to go out there and do things. So I jumped on the mission and then I did the workshops. After the workshop, I sent you a Facebook message saying that thank you for giving me the opportunity.

Okay.

And then you wrote back and say, I have an idea for you. And then I got so excited, I actually had a meeting that night.

Okay.

That I kind of put off because I knew something great was doing. Oh, I knew, I knew there was something. I just had a feeling.

I like telling people I have an idea for them and then let them sit on that for a day or two and then I show up.

No, I can't wait.

No, it's good. Curiosity is part of the process.

Never.

So I think I was just impressed with the workshop. I was at the workshop. I didn't say anything. People got a free copy of the book and I signed autographs and answered questions at the end. But throughout the workshop, Lily handled everything. And it's intimidating too, first. That was a bigger group.

It was like 30-some-what people.

30-something people, I'm there too, right? So like 30-something people, I'm there, you know, the author of the book. Yeah, I can imagine it's intimidating to be sitting there presenting somebody else's material. And then there were some tough questions too, which, which you did a great job answering. And she could have easily deferred it to me. It's like, well, Evan, what do you think? And she just chose to answer it, which was great.

Never.

That impressed me. One great thing about Lily is she always, if it's going to make her feel uncomfortable, then she wants to go out and do it. It's like jump into it. That made me feel really uncomfortable, so I have to go out and do it. It's like the default mindset, which is good. We met and I had this idea that, that to try to turn Lily into a speaker and make it a business. And leave her job. You had changed your job like a year ago, same company, but you had—

Couple of years ago.

Something like that.

Like I moved around and I was actually, when you approached me, I was at a job that I was pretty content with. I was content and I didn't hate it. Like I actually liked it. So that's when you approached me.

Yeah. And so the idea is to turn it into a business, turn Lily Ma the speaker into a business. It was one of those heart decisions for me because at the time, I mean, I have my YouTube channel, I have my main business, takes up a ton of my time. I have TDS, which we're still growing, and still lots to do, and still more mentorship for Alex before we get to the point where we need to be. So like, time is crunched, don't have the time for this, but it just— this is the timing that feels right. I'm gonna go. I actually didn't think you were gonna say yes, surprisingly enough.

Really?

I would have put it like 35%. Really? Yeah, I would have said 35%, but at least not yet, not on the spot. Like, maybe, okay, let me think about, you know, maybe in 6 months, a year or something. And so that was what I was expecting kind of going in, but, you know, put on the radar, I'll see what happens. And, and, but then I said to her, you know, she says yes, and it's great, let's do it. So it wasn't, uh, there was no regret or anything there, but, uh Yeah, I was a little off in the percentage.

So interesting.

Yeah, that's good.

I was 100% sure. Now looking back in retrospect, it was probably like one of the easiest decisions I had to make, and the rest I would have figured out, like the finances, everything else I could have figured out. I think that was the biggest thing that was holding me back was the financial part, because I've always been such a secure person and always had a safe job. But I knew my heart— I knew there was something There's something gonna happen that night. And when you showed up and when you— I knew, I had a feeling. That's why I'm like, no, just come, just come tonight. So when Evan proposed this idea to me, I had the choice of working remotely if I wanted to. I think it was most days, most days, if I wanted to, except for our days when we meet together. But I decided that I wanted to be around Evan as much as possible. And the reason for that is that not only— I think there's like a certain aura about you.

Oh, the camera just went white. Look at that. Look at that. That's crazy.

There's a certain aura about Evan Carmichael. And then the other thing is that I like being earshot away from you and seeing how you handle things and deal with things, how your thought process is, and some of your confidence too. 'Cause starting out, I'm just beginning. I sometimes I don't believe in myself as much as you believe in me and having the confidence behind it helps too.

So we initially set out that Wednesdays were going to be Lily days. And so we spend Wednesdays meeting, going over notes, planning, reviewing videos, talking strategy, preparing for speeches, that kind of stuff. And then the other days, there's always, there's always, I mean, I have something that I do every single day. So Monday's TDS day and Tuesday's my YouTube channel day and Wednesday's Lily day and Thursday's meeting day. But there's micro moments in between on the other days that lead to conversations. So I also took Alex, Lily, and Edwin and Nina to Tony Robbins in LA and I flew them down and we stayed at Airbnb and we got tickets to see Tony's Unleash the Power then.

Yes.

That was to recognize the people who had done the one word exercise. And Alex was heavily into it because I was meeting with him daily and he was living and breathing it. Lily and Edwin— Edwin is an assistant instructor right now training with Lily.

Yeah.

And I had one conversation with him and he kind of jumped on it as well, similar to you. And so I thought, okay, I'm going to reward these guys. We're going to go down, have some fun, and come back. So that was, that was good. Sharing. The 5 of us shared a house for a bit.

That was fun.

It was different. What do you guys want to know? Leave it in the comments. So I think one, you want to work at a place where you're going to learn something. So you want to work at a place where you're going to, you're going to get the skills, get the knowledge, get the experience that you want to become. I think, I think with this you just kind of fluked into it, you know. You're like, you were at TDS, you were teaching, you want to do something else, it was a different owner. I just happened to be in the space that you wanted to get into, right? So that was, that was a lucky break. Every time you get any kind of opportunity, you just deliver 110%. You just do it better than everybody else. And it's the same thing in business, same thing for your customers. Like, why is someone going to pick you over somebody else? Because you just put in More work. Always overdeliver on the expectations, right? Like, do way more than what was asked of you, and you're gonna get asked to come back. And sometimes that means you'll, you'll work with people who won't appreciate that value, and you don't get the results. But if you keep doing that, if, if you bring an attitude of overdelivering into every relationship that you come across, Yes, some people will take advantage. Yes, some people won't recognize the value. Yes, some people won't be able to afford your value. But if you keep doing that to everybody who you come in contact with, eventually you'll start to move out of your environment to a much better one. Where the answer is not to just be cynical and say, well, nobody ever appreciates our value, so I'm gonna always play small for the rest of my life.

Also, like, doing something just based on getting the appreciation too. Like, you have to genuinely love what you're doing. I mean, the comments help. Like, every— I appreciate, I appreciate everything that comes my way, but if I just did it for positive feedback, I don't think I would last that long because it will turn negative. Sometimes it will be negative, and I would walk away. I've been very, very, very lucky though.

Yeah, you've got some good fans.

Not much negativity.

Yeah, super fans.

Good. I've been very lucky.

Lily wants some haters, guys. I think that's what she's saying. That's it.

Wrap up.

Believe Lily wrap up. Cue the Lily wrap up right now.

So I'm back filming with Evan Carmichael. I hope you enjoyed that little bit of like inside look in my mentoring sessions with him. So I thought I'd share 3 things that I really love about working with Evan. The number one thing is that he has a genuine care in finding out what I want to do and what my goals are, and he tries to find opportunities for me to grow. But at the same time, when I do make mistakes or I don't work as hard as I should, he holds me accountable, which is not pleasant for me, but it's absolutely necessary to help me grow.

In my case, I'm always trying to look for ways to help the people on my team and what their, their goals and their ambitions are. I think being upfront and letting people know, like, new things you want to work on. I mean, you either at a place where you're going to learn and you're going to improve, or you're at a place that you're just going to make money from. And so if you're at a place where if you tell your boss that you want to improve when you want to work on these new things and and can I learn, and even in my own time, can I work on some projects? And they say no, and it's consistent, like, is that a place that you want to stay at or not? That's just a paycheck, or you want to go somewhere. They have to provide value, you know. If Lily came on camera for my videos and sucked and said really bad things, and it was pretty bad, well, it's okay, it wasn't great, you know. I'm, you know, she wouldn't be invited back if it totally sucked.

It wasn't a total.

I asked Lily from Toronto Dance Salsa to join me on this video. The last time we filmed was pretty good. The time before, both her and Alex didn't have their lines ready for like the set.

Why are you telling them?

Yeah, because I was hard. I was like, guys, this is an opportunity for you. Recording videos with you takes Christina and me like 4 to 5 times longer. So you have to come with your lines prepared. Like, I don't need to tell you how to do it. You know, believe with the hand. So there can be some tough love too, right? But like, they need to have that stuff down. You have to know what you're doing.

And then the second thing that I really love about working with Evan is he gives me tons and tons and tons of feedback. So every Wednesday he and I meet where I could get him caught up with my progress, as well as we review my Unlocking Lilly videos together. We watch it painfully for me Really painful to watch those videos over and over again, but he gives me tons of tips and ideas and suggestions where I can not only make the videos better but become a more compelling speaker.

Way more comfortable in front of the camera compared to when you were starting, compared to like if we go back and watch the first one. The ongoing challenge to still stretch yourself on all these videos is still to feel the words that you're saying. Like, I don't feel grow as you're saying grow. You're being professional and great and warm and not cold because it's warm, but you're not actually feeling the words you're saying. You're just saying them in a really nice, friendly way.

Or also another thing that I do is, now that you mentioned, I'm like, how does grow look like on camera? That's why I think.

Whatever helps you. I mean, try it.

It doesn't help me.

Right. So it's not working. If it doesn't help— I'm trying to get that.

I'm trying different things and it's not working.

I think especially with arm movements, you want to let them come more naturally. So if you're feeling grow, your hands will just do what your hands do. Yeah, instead of like grow, right? And some people need to— some people go too crazy on their hands and like the hands become distracting to the points. And some people are like robotic and you need to like, okay, like breathe. And some people are just more naturally expressive than others, which is okay. You're explaining it. The thing is you're summarizing what you're doing and you're doing it in a fantastic form way. You're summarizing really well, but you're not actually feeling what you're saying. That's the difference. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it's an ongoing.

Sure.

If I were to have a conversation with someone, how that would— like, I probably wouldn't be like that.

Yeah, it's like maybe a challenge to grow or whatever, however grow feels like if you're scared in the moment.

Or yeah, then instead of me worrying about like, that doesn't look A lot of it will come too with repetition and practice.

It's really just being— the advice is be natural in front of the camera, which is hard, right? So it comes with practice. More practice, it'll lead to better results, right?

And number 3, which is probably the most important one, he loves to make fun of me. He does. And it's much needed because I'm on this trajectory and I really want to grow and achieve things, and sometimes I could be a little bit intense and inside my own head. So he lightens up the mood by poking fun at other things I'm doing in the videos, which is super fun, and it kind of puts me at ease and makes my environment a lot of fun to work in.

But see the— a little bit of the neck. See the neck? Look at the neck. The neck is still in there.

And be courageous.

See that? See the little— you did one there and another one there. You did the double.

It's my Scarborough coming out.

Well, good. I want to see more Scarborough, right? Like the neck. Let's— and that's the kind of thing, like, nobody will notice it, but they'll feel it, right? Like, why is she so like, I'm feeling that. Yeah, I don't feel like this. Very flirty, Lily.

So for my next challenge, I'm going to be filming in public at Yonge and Dundas Square because I learned from Brené Brown that I need to have the courage to show up. So that's next week, and I really hope I have the courage to show up. So wish me luck, and I hope it all goes well. So the question of the day is, do you have one a question that Evan and I did not cover in our video, please write in the comments below and I'll try my best to answer that question for you. So thank you so much for watching, guys. I actually have a special shout out for Mihovil. Mihovil wrote, whenever you feel awkward filming in public or if you hear a negative comment, please remember this quote: haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna 'Potate, now you're ready. Good luck, Chloe.' I have no idea what 'potato's gonna potate' means, but when I saw it, I thought it was like the funniest thing in the world. So, Melville, thank you so much. Every time I see this, it makes me laugh. It makes me feel so much better anytime I come across any haters, which I don't, but if I'm do. I could always think about this. Anyways, um, guys, I don't know what else to say. Thank you so much for all the comments. The heartfelt ones as well as the really funny ones are so, so appreciated. So thank you so much, and I will see you guys very, very soon.