Stop Doing This in Your Routine

If you wrote down your 3 top priorities for the day, do those first before you do your social media, before you reply to everyone's DMs, inbox, voice message, texts. I have so many people, they spend all day just checking their email to reply to everybody else. Now, that's fine if that's your job, if that's customer service, do that. That's your job. But if you're an entrepreneur, as an example, or you have a whole list of other priorities and you're just checking into other people's agendas all day to meet all their obligations and you keep missing your key priorities day after day, even though you might be smart, you're competent, but your brain doesn't believe you're capable. You've got to develop the pattern. Better yet, the pattern of taking the action to complete the key priorities. So all I want you to do as a daily simple habit, every morning we do it in the High Performance Planner. I write down my key priorities for the day. Do those first. Get those out of the way. Make that happen. Maybe that's your morning. Maybe for me, I didn't feel capable in my career for a long time because I was replying to everybody. And then I did a simple thing. I said, you know what, no phone calls till 1 PM in the afternoon my time. That leaves the morning to do the most important work. Because I do the most important work almost every every morning of my life, I feel incredibly capable. Give me a task list, that log is happening in the brain. Good job today. That consistency, that congruence developed the capability. Now I feel capable and I am capable because I execute it. Because I execute it so many times, I develop the skill. You all follow? This is so important.

Need motivation?

Watch the top 10 of Believe Nation because I love it.

Hey, it's Evan Carmichael and I make these videos because you are probably the most ambitious person in your circle. But you know you're capable of more, and you get that push by surrounding yourself with the best. So today, let's learn from one of the best, Brendon Burchard, and my take on his top 10 rules of success. Enjoy. Rule number 2, accept who you are.

If you don't have self-acceptance, clearly you don't have authentic self-confidence. If you don't have self-acceptance, clearly you won't have an authentic sense of happiness. Because you don't even like yourself. So what do we do about this when I'm coaching others? Well, first, after I've tried to understand where that's coming from, that solution-driven part of coaching is about realizing there's things we all do to gain greater self-acceptance. Your self wants to realize itself, right? We all want to reach a fuller, higher standard of our potential, right? We all want that. I've never met a person in my life who didn't want to realize a higher level of potential for themselves or their family or their teams or their work. And I know some of you are like, no, no, no, you don't know my kid. He's 42 and he's still on the couch. I don't have a judgment for that. What I have to say about that is this, that person does too. It's built in the human spirit. We all want to grow. We all want to be happy. Sometimes we get discouraged from that enough that we lie to ourselves and say we don't want it, or worse, we don't deserve it. Many people don't have self-acceptance because they don't believe they deserve it. They think that they did something wrong. They had other people judge them. They had that experience when they've had so much negativity around them, they started to believe that story. And so what I share with you about self-acceptance, um, it's one of the reasons I'm a very big proponent of coaching or of therapy. A lot of self-acceptance is actually socially gained. There's a reason that the psychology department tends to be in the same building as a sociology department, because they go hand in hand. We are social animals. A lot of your acceptance of yourself actually has nothing to do with self-acceptance. Your acceptance of yourself came from how people treated you before. It was socially gained and constrained. You started to believe that you were at a certain level based on how other people around you treated you. Isn't it true? And one way to gain greater self-acceptance is to take back that self part and say, oh, I'm going to do the work on me right now. I'm going to take some time to work on myself again, and I am going to lessen the noise of the negative people around me and get around positive people who amplify the noise of positivity. It doesn't mean get around yes persons. It means get around yes-spirited persons, people who are supportive and encouraging of you. You probably have one positive friend. Talk to them more often. Hang out with them more often. Lean on them more. I think that's critical because the easiest way to develop often the self is in our social environment. Getting other more positive, healthy people around us tends to lift all boats. The other thing to think about with the acceptance part is to learn to be in the moment in such a way that you can forgive the things that you did in the past.

Rule number 3: Don't take things personally.

Calmness comes from not taking things so personally. Not taking things so personally. How critical is this, guys? We have become a Twitter nation. You know, we have become a culture that completely takes things super personal, escalates them into, you know, very aggressive language, high levels of accusation and assumptions. We just immediately go from, you know, a simple incident igniting a fury of cancellation and aggravation. And I really believe it's because you, if you are consuming a lot of social media, are being conditioned. How many times per day? Every time you do this, every time you do this on social media, every single scroll, every single swipe is a judgment. Your brain is being taught Okay, is this relevant or not? Judgment. Do I like it or not? Like, literally, do I like, do I press like it or not? Judgment. Is it worth actually giving this a heart? Judgment. Every single swipe, every single scroll is an automatic training of the brain to be judgmental. Why do we have a culture that takes things more personally? And is more judgmental against other people. Because our culture has been trained by the tens of millions of times that we have swiped and scrolled through things to either hit that like or love button or not. And it has created a speed of judgment in our lives against others and about how we perceive ourselves. And so we have a culture that now takes things— everything is so personal because everything is judged at a heightened degree binary, good or bad, like or dislike. And it's poisoning us. It's killing us. And so I think it's really important. What do you tend to get triggered by? What causes you stress or anxiety? And if you could look at it, a lot of it is what you feel are personal attacks, where suddenly you feel very defensive. And that defensiveness leads to stress and anxiousness because you feel like you have to defend yourself against other people. Maybe your husband says some accusation, or maybe someone says something on social media and you're like, was that a dig at me? And all of a sudden it's like, was that against me? And a lot of people all day long, they're carrying that. They're defensive all day long, and that's why they're stressed, right? Imagine if a warrior is standing at the gates of the palace And every person that walks by, they see as an immediate stressor, as an immediate threat. They're keyed up all day, they're stressed, they're anxious all day, right? Acid is just churning in their stomach. These thoughts of what if these horrible things happen in their brain. That's what it feels like for many people as they go throughout the day, because they're so worried that their personal feelings are gonna get hurt or that their personal reputation is gonna be destroyed or that, they're having to be in a place of defense. And by the way, I don't play light about that. Some people really are, they have a very toxic person in their life, though I don't like to use the word toxic. I like to usually talk about, oh, this person has a set of behaviors that make you feel a certain way. And those set of behaviors, sometimes we don't want to be around them anymore. We have to minimize ourself in being around them. But almost everybody I know takes things too personally. They get so worked up. Everything is an affront against them. Oh, you criticize my work? Well, your work sucks. You know, oh, are you saying I didn't get that exactly right? Well, you don't understand, I had 5,000 other things going on. And defensive people tend to be weak people. And I don't mean that weak mentally. I don't mean that weak in terms of an awful judgment. I mean, they feel that way. They actually, the higher level of defense you feel, the more threatened you feel, the more you start to feel like you're losing control and strength because it's sapping you. The more you feel personally offended by things, the more sapped of energy you become. And I think this is so important. If you take personal offense to everything, if you're so precious with feedback where every piece of feedback you get all worked up about and upset about, and or everything your friend says about your house or your clothes or your hair or your makeup or your weight or your kids, instead of judging so fast about what someone said about you and how you're going to feel about it, I would love for you to lengthen the timeline of judgment.

Rule number 4: Expand your social circle.

Your environment shapes you because you're soaking in it. And so make sure the relationships you have are high quality. Now, this is— everyone's like, but Brendan, you understand, my spouse, well, he's a doozy, you know. And it's like, listen, if you're around people who aren't like this, the job isn't to get rid of them and throw them away. The job is to go build that group somewhere else, to find that, to find that, to build it. If you didn't get it, right, and you didn't just luckily fall into a group, I didn't have that. I grew up in a town that had been economically depressed for a century. I grew up in a town that there, it was so survival mindset, but also very aggressive and competitive. There, there wasn't a whole lot of talk about these things, and I had to go find and build it. I had to start going to personal development seminars. I had to engage with higher achievers. I had to look for people who had fulfillment in their lives no matter what they were doing, and I had to seek them out. And I made that a choice. I made that a decision. I said, I'm going to create an awesome group of people to be around in my life. I don't know how, I'm going to do networking. I'm going to do volunteering. I'm going to ask to be around people. I'm going to get mentors. I'm going to make sure that I surround myself with people who care about life, who want to live meaningful and fulfilling lives, who want to lead, who want to make a difference. I can't think of a single person at all in my entire life today after that decision was 25 years ago for me. I can't think of a single person who I have a consistent or recurring communication with in my entire life who isn't like that now. Every person, to a person, to a T, every person I interact with has some sense of that, or they don't get in my world. It doesn't mean I'm unfair or discount people. It just means I'm not going to let that stuff into my head. And I don't say that I'm perfect. I say it took me 20 years. Like I said, that's going to be a goal. I'm going to get there. And I want you to have that goal. Like the people around you should be so fulfilled and so happy and grateful for their lives. And you got to find that. You got to lead that. You got to cultivate that. You got to talk about that. I think fulfillment should be a topic that people talk about every single month of their life. If you're in relationship with someone, ask your spouse or your partner, "Hey, do you feel fulfilled?" And just hold that space. If they don't feel fulfilled, ask why. Get to know them, understand what they're really looking for, encourage them to go in the direction that will bring them that fulfillment. Encourage them, you know, at the end of a bad day, when you hear them say sentence after sentence of negative self-talk, or meaning after meaning that's catastrophic, terrible, negative, awful, be that encourager. Be that person who helps them maybe think about or become more aware of that self-talk or those labels or that meaning. You can do it without judgment, but you can also be committed to building the circle of influence that you deserve in your life at this stage of your life. You have to be conscientious about it. You gotta get at it because when those people around you are living a life of impact and meaning and fulfillment, it lifts you up. I have down days and then I talk to somebody in my circle and it's like, whoa, it just kind of resets my brain a little bit. And I go, oh, I've been speaking negative, oh, I've been thinking small, or oh wait, and all right, okay, yeah, I am lucky, I am blessed, oh my gosh, let's go, Brendon. And I get back on because sometimes you will drown in your own discouragement. And it is your circle of influence, the people around you, people in your network, who can help draw you out of that faster. And that is something to be grateful for.

Also, to make sure you're actually taking action after watching this video, I've designed a special free worksheet just for this video. The worksheet will highlight all the lessons learned in this video, as well as pull out our 3 favorite learnings and quotes that will inspire you to actually do something. The worksheet will also give you space to write down what your key takeaways are and your specific plan of action to make sure you're getting results. If you want the worksheet designed specifically for this video, absolutely for free, there's a link in the description below. Go click on it and start building the momentum in your life and your business.

I'll see you there.

Rule number 5, practice emotional regulation.

Practice emotional regulation. Practice emotional regulation. And we're going to talk about what that means, because here's what happens. You have two choices in a conflict situation. You have emotional regulation or you have emotional contagion. You'd better make that choice consciously. Emotional regulation or emotional contagion. So what is emotional contagion? Emotional contagion is that part of us that we are hardwired to do, which is mimic or act out, respond to someone else's emotions. It's how when you walk up to a group of 3 people who are sad, you start to feel sad. It's how an 8-month-old baby, Mel Abraham, will— when you smile at the 8-month-year-old and you and they They smile back. They can't help it. What's happening there? It's in your brain, in your prefrontal cortex, these things called your mirror neurons that make you— or in your cortex, it helps you want to mimic other people and match their emotions. It's why when someone yawns, you yawn. It's why when someone gets super angry, you feel your blood go up. It's automatic, it's impulsive, and it is hardwired until we run a new program over so many times that that gets dampened. Maybe it doesn't go away, but it gets dampened, right? Emotional regulation, however, is a conscious choice to sense and feel the emotions coming up and to regulate them appropriately for my intentions or the situation. It means you take the reins of your emotions and your feelings and your behaviors. It means you're personally responsible for it. And that's hard because if you heard me teach on this before, there's a big difference between emotions and feelings. I talked about it in the Daily Fire that your emotions psychologically— so when we talk about emotions in my field of practice, whether it is in but it actually doesn't matter what field of practice, if it's in psychology, if it's in coaching work, emotions are automatic, physical, impulsive, and very difficult to dictate their extremity. Very, it's just like emotions tend to happen. Feelings, however, Think about feelings are kind of like the wake of an emotion, but you get to apply meaning to it. Feelings you have much more control over. It's a lingering effect of an emotion. Emotion, in most, at least most neuroscience and most studies of physiology of emotion, an emotion is actually pretty quick to come up and go, right? Emotion can come in, maybe 60 seconds, 90 seconds, sometimes 2, 3 minutes in the extreme. But the emotion itself tends to pass, and now the brain is starting to label it, attach meaning to it, decide what does this mean? What does this mean for me? Is this safe? Is this bad? A lot of mental processing is actually taken over, and now it's creating a lasting feeling.

Rule number 6, take a turn.

I like the phrase take turns. It means you take a turn. Many of you are so silent in what you really think, feel, need, expect, deserve, want. Many of you never speak up for yourself. Many of you get bulldozed every single conversation, and you keep blaming them for bulldozing versus speaking up. Many people do not participate in conflict. They just listen. They get mad, passive-aggressive. They quit. They stonewall. They refuse to set boundaries. They refuse to ideate. And they just get more and more disconnected, disengaged. Stop participating. And if you've ever been in a situation like that with someone else, it drives you mad. It's just like, I can't believe they're stonewalling me. I can't believe they're not participating. And it gets very, very upsetting for me. That's a big one for me. When someone— like, I know that triggers me when they won't participate in a respectful process. Ooh, I gotta breathe. I gotta move. I gotta self-talk, baby. Emotional regulation. Because that one will get me going. But I see it all the time. And so take turns means you take your turn and you set up the space that they're going to make theirs. You ask the questions to draw them out. You give them the platform to speak. You express what you need to express. You take a beat and you don't wait. Listen, this is so important if you want to be a great communicator. After you've expressed what you needed to express, please don't expect them to comply, accept, validate, or say yes to what you just said. Think about it this way: you just got to take your turn. Now they get to take their turn. Then you get to move towards resolution. But what you just said was not the resolution. What you just said was your piece. You took your turn. Now they get to take their turn. In taking their turn, their turn is not set up that they have to agree or comply. They just get their turn. And when they get their turn, you listen. When they get their turn, you reflect. That's the key. Most people, when you take your turn, you expect compliance. And that's where the whole thing falls apart in conflict. That they have to do it your way all the time, immediately. Oh man, that sucks. And I know you've been there before, but the reality is most people think they've been there before, but don't realize they put others there before too. And we have to take ownership of that. Again, This is not Brendon Burchard being perfect to you. I've done this a million times accidentally. I mean, I don't know how many conversations I've had where I feel like I've made a great argument and they should just go, "Yes." And then they don't. And I'm like, "How can you not agree with that?" And then I argue with them and it devolves from there instead of builds from there because I didn't make sure they took their turn now that I have vented. Or I've expressed, now they get an equal part to share back. And when they share back, even if they didn't agree with me yet, and I just want them to say yes, I've got to go, okay, Brendon, fine. Feelings, interests, needs, expectations, listen for those, reflect those back. Because if they feel heard right now, then we can move to resolution. So key, taking turns. Please do me a favor, Make sure you take your turn.

Rule number 7, be real and authentic.

Our job in our relationships is to create real, authentic, caring interactions. Real, authentic, caring. Write it down. Real, authentic, caring. Real means that we are being who we really are in that relationship. Right? We are being real with that person. We're speaking our real thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires, needs. We understand and hear their real thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, and dreams. We validate it. We appreciate it. We are acknowledging it. That's being real with one another, right? We're meeting each other as two people who are separate. We're coming together, creating a real connection based on actual honesty and trust. That comes from sharing one another's real thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, needs. That's real. Authentic. Authentic means, oh, this relationship is unique to us. So often we're taught in the modern world, authenticity is about us because we all think of authenticity now as like social media. Am I showing up real in my social media? But in real life, in family dynamics or sociology, Authenticity is about the relationship. It's, it's, I am authentic with myself in relationship with my sister. We have an authentic relationship. And my relationship with my mom is different. We have an authentic relationship. An authentic relationship with my mother means different things than authentic relationship with my sister, as an example, right? Each person— you have a team, you have a team. If you treat each person on the team exactly the same because you're always authentic, It— that's not an authentic relationship. An authentic relationship is that relationship with them is real and unique to them. It's authentic with that person. That's what we're talking about here. Um, we've got to be able to have, on top of this realness or this authenticity, this sense of that there's a depth or an intimacy in that relationship. Depth would be like, oh, I know things about this person. Intimacy could mean the same thing, but it means there's a depth there that can be physical as well. But I think depth or intimacy in sharing with one another is really important. I think most people don't have fulfilling relationships because they don't have deep relationships. They're always talking about surface things. They're talking about what's on TV. They're talking about the weather. They're talking about what's in the media. They're talking about comparison to other people. But they never talk about the meaning of life. I would say you barely know a person until you've talked about the meaning of life with someone. Because what do you really know if you're not connected or understanding what their sense of purpose is or where they draw fulfillment or meaning from? So this whole conversation we're having today, if you had conversations like this with your family, think about how deeper those relationships would be. I know some of you are laughing right now because you can imagine never having this conversation with your family. I totally understand. But I think it's important that we say, okay, if I want to have great relationships, they've got to be real, they've got to be trusting, they've got to be intimate, they've got to be deeper. And the more— I would say this, I was talking with Denise actually about this topic this morning. And she was like, when she thinks about meaning and fulfillment, her first go-to is relationships. First go-to. Because, you know, if the people around you don't ever sense fulfillment, if the people around you don't imbue moments with meaning, then now you're left to do all the hard work. And if you haven't done personal development work before, what ends up happening is you kind of just take what's given to you. And I think it's important that we realize the people we surround ourselves with should be people who understand life's meaning, who are seeking it out, people who want to feel fulfilled, do good things, be role models, because those people lift us up. Those people reconnect. Has anyone had an interaction with somebody in the last year or two who reminded you about the blessings or the importance of life?

Rule number 8: Remain objective.

This is a person who's, you know, creating a situation here. They can get not good. So I want to improve the situation, and I want to build a relationship. This is my spouse, it's my partner. I've committed and sworn to God that I will honor and protect and love and serve and care for and be there with and for this person. Okay. Let me take another deep breath. Let me not react. Let me start managing my self-talk immediately. Be here. Take deep breaths. Listen, Brendon. Be here, take deep breaths, listen, Brendon. It's not react, it's not scream, it's just be here, listen, react. It's emotional regulation. My friend John Gray, he wrote this book called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. And whether or not you like that metaphor, whether that's old school now in the modern era, one of the things he said to me that one time was so good. He said, I was talking about, he was asking me about conflicts I had in my relationship and how I approached them, what I said to myself and everything else. And he goes, he literally interrupts me describing what I think is my coping mechanism. He goes, Brendon, do you wear a watch? Yeah, I wear a watch. He goes, here's what I want you to do. Next time your partner is saying something that you don't like, or they're venting to you and you don't want to hear it, and it's going to cause you to get angry or mad or to solve or to react. Next time, all I want you to do is, as they're talking, make great eye contact, take a lot of deep breaths, really quickly glance at your watch. Don't let them see it. And just wait 20 minutes as you make eye contact and you breathe. I said, 20 minutes? Why? He goes, because by the end of 20 minutes, they're out of gas. They've vented, they've frustrated, they got it out, and you were there listening, being attentive, not solving her problem, not telling her she's wrong. You just let her go for 20 minutes, man. I go, that's it? He goes, you gotta watch. Like, oh my gosh. And you know what? It's real. It totally works. For the guys looking for the tactic, shut up, listen, give her some time to talk. This works in almost every relationship, every conflict situation. The other person really needs to vent and talk it out. And if you can understand they're coming from a place where they are triggered or traumatized, where they're defensive. Did you know the more people tend to talk, and if a person just sits there with them, the more they talk it out, the more they actually calm themselves down, right? Therapists will know this, right? They just sit and listen sometimes, right? Very rarely with another person who's holding a good space there will someone keep ramping it up. You got to practice emotional regulation. Soon as you feel it come up, breathe. Maybe move around a little bit, go for a walk, or pause the conversation to go, you know what, I'm feeling really upset or triggered right now. Can I take a beat? Can I just, I'm gonna do a lap around the house. I'll be right back. Is that okay? Can we just hold this for a second? I really wanna do a good job for you in this conversation. I hear this is important for you, but I'm all kind of frazzled. Can I come right back and be more centered with you? Oh, we're allowed to say that? Yeah. Oh, okay. You go around, take a deep breath. Now you come back centered, more calm. You breathed, you moved, and remember the self-talk. Remember the self-talk. The self-talk is what generates the feeling after the emotion passes. So what are we saying to ourselves? What are we stating? What are the thoughts going through our head? Being thoughtful about that. Mine again, I already told you: improve the situation, build the relationship. Improve the situation, build the relationship.

Rule number 9: allow yourself to transform.

I don't know if you've picked it up on it yet, but the world is turning a new chapter. You should too. I don't know if you picked up on it, but this is a time of ripe transition and transformation. Allow that for yourself. Yeah, maybe you screwed up last year in the business. Maybe you screwed up 4 years ago. Maybe you did something that you feel like was unforgivable. In this moment right here, in your heart of hearts, in the universe, you got a clean slate, and it is time to start adjusting from who you were to who you desire to become. You need to get off the guilt train and on the becoming train. That old story, that chapter closed. The new story is a bunch of blank pages. A lot of self-acceptance happens in the orientation towards the future, having something to look forward to, deciding to become somebody or something that you will be proud of versus sitting there and going, I'm terrible because of last year, that year, that year, like ruminating on the old stories versus building the new one. What are we going to do? When you feel like you're trapped in a negative route, it's often because you are replaying past old stories versus building the new one. It's a new chapter time. Can I get an amen on a weekday with anybody? It's like, it is a new chapter time. It is a get on the becoming train. It is a, like our self-acceptance is revitalized when you say, Oh, I'm remaking myself. This time I will be intentional. This time I will do it with supportive people. This time I will be disciplined and practiced about it. And all of a sudden you start feeling better about yourself. You want to feel bad about yourself? Ruminate on all the old bad things that happened to you and all the old bad things you did before. This is why it's so critical to do personal development work, because it always leans you towards the future. It always helps you go, "Oh, wait, I just got some blank slates here. I got some new chapters here. I got some ways to revitalize myself." And soon as yourself, right? Soon as your mind acknowledges that you are building again, something changes. A new energy comes from within. And all of a sudden, the next thing can happen. You can be congruent with that vision of yourself. You cast a new vision of yourself and you take the habits. You do the practices that help you be congruent with becoming that self. And all of a sudden, with greater congruence towards a future self, your confidence comes back up. It's the easiest way to shift somebody out of that old mentality or those old feelings or that low self-esteem into a higher gear. It's about, oh, okay, I can acknowledge and I can appreciate and I can accept that the life that I have lived has happened. I can accept that everything's not perfect. I can accept I'm not perfect and neither are they. But I can also accept that right now in this moment, I can have hope. I can accept that right now in this moment, I can write some new ideas down. I can accept right now in this moment that tomorrow I can start changing my mindset to be happy, even if my circumstances aren't yet there. I was a happy, exuberant, enthusiastic, loving person at a time where I was constantly in physical fights. I was broke, and I had almost no hope for a future that would become what my life became like. And yet I decided, okay, I need to start living into the vision of who I can become and who I feel called to become. Because who I feel called to become isn't this person laying in bed, feeling bad about himself all day. Even though I had plenty of reasons to feel bad about myself, I will never say to you, you don't have any reasons to feel bad about yourself. I love spiritual teachers who can teach that. I can't do it, but I love when they do. What I might suggest is like, hey, let's just accept ourselves. I can accept that you did bad things in the past. I can also accept that maybe you'll choose today to shift gears and to start that forward lean to building the future character of who you can really become. That's the hope and the promise and the beauty and the potential of self-improvement. You know, that's the stuff that we understand changed the world. In the world of philosophy, all of a sudden, you know, you had from Stoicism to Christianity, to all of a sudden, you know, Rousseau talking about the idea that we have liberty and the ability to improve ourselves. Oh, wait a minute. That's a hopeful revolution. And that's sometimes what we need. That's sometimes what we need. And also, I want to remind you, sometimes that means getting around more supportive people. Sometimes that means hiring yourself a coach so they can monitor your mindset and help you build. Sometimes that means getting a therapy so they can heal the old stuff. Whatever it means, it means that you have the opportunity to do it. And what I encourage all of you to set as a goal: to feel good about yourselves again.

And rule number 10, the last one before some very special bonus clips, is wow your relationships.

Make sure by the end of this year you have wowed your relationships. Wowing your relationships means today you sit down, you identify the most important relationships in your life, and you ask the question, how can I wow that person this year? And it doesn't mean you have to do anything extravagant and buy them big gifts or take them on big trips, though you might have one or two people you want to do that with. It just means usually here's what wows people. Appreciation, a written card, some encouraging audio texts, a nice email, more frequent phone calls. It's simple. It's simple. Wow the most important people in your life by the end of this year. Now, I know you might already have a good track record. Maybe you had a great summer with somebody. Carry it on. See it through. Finish this year strong in your relationships. Remember, long-term healthy relationships are a secret to longevity and life satisfaction. So who's somebody that you could reach out to with some appreciation, some love, some encouragement? I put this as part of my morning routine. Some of you guys know is I send 5 encouraging audio texts every single morning to the persons in my personal life, usually, sometimes in my professional life, my peer network or my team. Usually for me, it's my personal network of friends and family who, who've encouraged me throughout the years. And I want to be that source for them. And so who could you wow by the end of this year? Maybe you had a tough year, like lots of couples did with your partner, your spouse. And you've kind of been struggling a little bit. And right now it's been all about the blame and the negativity. And maybe you guys aren't even going to make it. But could you still do something to wow that person? I think that when we remember that we signed up for the relationships we're in in our life, by and large, that You know, okay, I signed up for this. I'm going to end this well, or I am going to wow this person, or I'm going to take it as an obligation or responsibility to make their life better, right? It's my job, I feel, in my marriage to make our life better, to constantly surprise my wife, to constantly give and be generous into that relationship. Even when it's busy, even when it's hard, with little things. And I can't say I'm great at it, but it's always on my intention radar. It's every day I'm thoughtful about it. Every day I try to do something and it doesn't take much. I mean, the joy my wife gets when I pick up or clean up is amazing, you know? So we all have different ways and most people don't need you to do some big extravagant thing. It's the things that they need. It's, you know, their love language, it's their priority, their preference, even if you don't like it, you know, even if that's not the meal you want to eat, make them that meal that day. Maybe, maybe you've had a hard time and you know you could hold it against them. Maybe today you let it go and you approach them with open arms and open spirit to try to repair. You have to learn to practice presence. Practice presence. Being here fully in the moment, alive, vibrant, or at least attentive, right? Snapping your brain out of that reactive, like, uh, go-with-the-flow mode to no, and being here. That oldest advice in all of personal development about presence and awareness, about being with the flow, about being in the moment, there's— every spiritual tradition has taught it as being central to human happiness and connection. This has been stolen from us because of this. I really believe— I'm stunned when I hang out with people that they can't be present for 3 minutes without wanting to scroll through something. I mean, they can't be— I mean, even 4 or 5 minutes, they can't do it anymore. Because they have trained themselves with millions of swipes to be not present. And I believe that meaning and fulfillment, um, they become too fleeting when we haven't learned to be really present. And I think that's important, learning to be really fully present and pulling that from ourselves. There's plenty of times I mean, if you saw my schedule, you're like, how do you get present? I'm like, I've trained myself. Otherwise, I can just be pulled in the next thing. There's always a million things going on around me, and I have to learn to just zoom right in and be here with you. You have to teach yourself to do that too, because the more days that blur by, the less sense of meaning or fulfillment you have. You can be busy, but the days don't blur by, right? I'm incredibly busy. I'm actually This last 2 years, I can't believe how busy we got. But during that time, present, forcing myself each day to get present so I can recognize and appreciate those little moments, so I can create the connection with other people, so that I can sense that spiritual aliveness of being here now versus hoping one day to arrive to something. And that practice of cultivating presence of, I would say, and I know people don't like when I use this phrase, but demanding presence. I demand of myself to be present. I, because I know when I'm not, I'm like, Brendon, get present. Okay. So I might bounce in place, take 10 deep breaths just to reset my brain and my body. And that 10 deep, maybe you do it right now with me. Just stand up wherever you're at, bounce in place a little bit, take 10 deep breaths. Ah, recenter yourself to the moment and keep going. And that way you can observe life. Many people, they'll work their whole career, then they'll retire, and then they'll retire and they'll finally be like, oh wow, look at the color of the trees. This is amazing. Wow, life looks pretty good. And they didn't even see it for 5, 6 years. They missed all of it, even though they were amidst all of it. They just missed it. You have to teach yourself to be with it. To be here. Meaning and fulfillment is so much, as much as we can define it and have a destiny mindset, we can feel it. I do it for like, if I have a great dinner with Denise, things go great, we just have a nice conversation, I'll walk away and I'll be putting things away and just literally think in my mind, what a blessing. God, I made it. Thank you so much for this blessing to be here I had dinner with my wife. What a great day. What an amazing moment we just had. You know what? Years later, I'm going to cherish that dinner. Simple as that. It's what we say to ourselves in the minute and after the minute that really defines how we feel over the long term. Isn't it true? I mean, the little moments, if you can celebrate them, be there for them, Give thanks for them. I believe the more you give thanks for the moments in your life, the more meaning you find. The more you give thanks for the moments in your life, the more you feel fulfilled. Even if you feel years away, even if the next big thing is out there, it's okay. Right now, you're feeling it. That's what presence is. It's about feeling the day more. You hear me teach this now for what, 20 years? It's like, you have to learn to feel life. If we don't feel it, then what's it about? And you're not just going to suddenly one day feel it, you know, because you drank a bunch of coffee. Maybe you are, but you're going to imagine me on caffeine. One day you're just going to teach yourself to feel the day and feel the moments more. You're going to observe more. You're going to breathe more. You're going to have more intention. And as you learn to feel the day, when someone says, hey, do you feel fulfilled about your life? You're like, I do, because you are filling life with presence. When you fill life with presence, you feel fulfilled. It takes an active participation on your point. You're not just going to show up one day and feel fulfilled. You have to fill the day with those senses of gratitude and meaning And really, I would say connection. If you don't do that, I promise the days just blur by. And the more they blur by, the more you just stack on everybody else's reactions, needs, desires, drives, distractions, their meaning. And one day you show up and you're just, you're really just a bag of everyone else's intentions and needs and drives and labels and meanings. And in that place, you're not autonomous. In that place, you don't get to experience that individual sense of meaning and fulfillment we've talked about from the very beginning, because you didn't take the time to define it consistently enough. Time to go out and volunteer. My very favorite way to change someone's life is to turn them into a volunteer. I don't care what they volunteer for, but go volunteer. It will change everything because who does volunteering? Purposeful humans. So it's my favorite way to improve your social life. If you're not around purposeful people, volunteer. You'll meet more purposeful people, more intentional people, more present people, more appreciative people. But also, if you are struggling in any of your relationships, please watch the relationship trainings or courses in Growth Day because They found that just one negative or hurtful relationship in your life can dramatically decrease your sense of purpose in life, your overall sense of purpose by one person. And we know that to be true in your career, right? You have one bad boss, they can ruin the whole company for you. Well, that's true in our personal lives too. One negative, hurtful person consistently in your life tends to decrease your sense of purpose in life by 3 points out of 10. So meaning, let's say on a scale of 0 to 10, you feel life is purposeful and you're really connected to it. 10, you feel totally purposeful, totally connected. 0, you have none. Let's say you're at level 7. Having one negative or hurtful person recurring in your life takes that 7 down to a 4. That's why that saying, don't suffer fools, is a good one. If you got somebody who's negative or hurtful, it's time to do the relationship work to either improve that situation with that person, help them get assistance or help or coaching, or exit that situation. If you can't do any of those, then you got to find a tribe or a community over here that you build up that meets those needs. And I think that's important, 'cause sometimes people say, "Well, Brendon, my mother, she's terrible and I hate having her around." I'm like, "Okay, well, you can't necessarily replace your mama. Maybe you can limit time there." But sometimes people can't, they're caregiving, as an example. I'm like, "Okay, well then outside that house, we've got to develop the relationship." relationships that provide you with that sense where it's lacking there in that particular relationship. And so I think that's really, really important. Just try. And what I mean by try is try with other people again. I, I watch people talk at lunch. They're not really trying to be engaged. They're not really there. They just— and it's great that they're comfortable with themselves, but they've kind of, they're going through the motions and very few things ever happen amazing when people are, two people are just going through the motions because our default going through the motions, unless it's imbued by like challenge or presence or vibrancy, usually our default is homeostasis of just like, ugh, and that is not very attractive, okay? That is not something that gets people's attention. What gets people's attention is when you put an effort to listen to them, to be with them, to be present with them, to change the energy between the two of you, for you to spark something. Stop waiting for good energy to come into your life and start generating great energy and you'll feel the difference. Try with your energy again, right? Really pay attention to people. Be present with them. Feel that you're trying and they'll appreciate it. I'm not saying faking, right? So if it's not authentic and real, don't do it. But you must try more often to show up as your best self in the conversations and to try and pull out the best of others. I think the most sexy thing in a person ever is someone who's trying to pull out the best energy from you, right? Whether they're trying to pull out the flirtation of you or pull out the joy of you or the gratitude of you or that positive range of emotions from you, that's pretty sexy. So try to bring out the best of others. I think it's really important to stay in your job in a relationship. And I don't mean by your employment, right? You can quit your job, but don't quit the relationship. But what's your job in a relationship? It's to love. And it's so easy to forget that. Because we get mad at somebody and they didn't run the task or empty the garbage or take out the dishes. Wait, I think I got that backwards. But they forgot something and we get mad at them and we forget our job there is to love. And if you're really going to choose love over choosing your past, or you're going to choose love over fear or hurt or pain, or choose love over being, you know, right, then you're going to start to find something switches in that relationship and it's a good thing. See, most people aren't choosing love, they're choosing fear. Most people aren't choosing love, they're choosing hurt. And because of that, over and over and over again, that simple choice in the relationship, they're not approaching the relationship with the intention of love, right? If you can approach your relationship with the intention of love to say, look, I'm just gonna keep bringing joy and love and acceptance and compassion and empathy and vibrancy and sensuality to this relationship, and you're always doing that, you start doing that more often than you're bringing the negative stuff, that relationship will suddenly start to turn positive. It will get easier as you change your intentions to be more geared towards love. That's your job. Stay in your job in the relationship to love this person, to make their day, to surprise them, to care for them. Stop asking so much what you're getting from the relationship and how they've done you all wrong and start asking what have you been doing right? What have you been doing to add value, love, energy, vibrancy, sensuality to their life? What have you been doing to love them? Ask the question, how can you deliver more love to your partner and to the world? And you might start to experience what we call the charged life. Your life matters. My life matters. Those people you hate out on the internet, their life matters. That what happens is we get so myopic into our own world of, okay, is the little thing I'm doing today, does that matter? Does my, you know, this one thing I did, does that make me feel fulfilled and complete as a person? And we lack an overall life philosophy, an overall life philosophy that we have defined our lives and the context of humanity as meaningful. I know this might be too academic for some people, and that's why I use the word or the phrase a destiny mindset. If you have lost that feeling that says, I have an opportunity to make a difference while I am here, you've lost that connection with what I am calling a destiny mindset. A destiny mindset. And I know some people will take a destiny mindset that's like, oh, I got to see myself on a cover of a magazine. I'm like, I know lots of people on covers of magazines who don't feel a sense of meaning or fulfillment in their life. It's not an external thing. It's an internal or intrinsic thing that I just feel called. I feel that my life is leading to something important. I feel honored or privileged or grateful that I can make a difference in the future. And that make a difference in the future thing is an overall life philosophy that is connected to destiny. And I hope you start thinking about that because you know what? Sometimes you wake up in the friggin' morning and you pull this thing out, don't you? You pull out your phone in the morning and what do you do? You start scrolling through everybody else's stuff. Everybody else's agenda, everybody else's life, and you get trapped into the myopic, looking at that comment and getting sad or upset about it. You get trapped in the small things of life, the tasks, the emails, the responses, and all of a sudden you've been pulled into this tiny little myopic to-do list part of your life, and you forgot the being part of your life. You want to feel more meaning in your life? Start your day with that destiny mindset. Can you show me somewhere something that you look at every day that opens up your mind and reminds you to get out of that little myopic brain that we all have that's just focused right here? Because if you never look to the bigger vision of life, it's hard to ever feel a deep sense of meaning or fulfillment. When people have clarity about their future and clarity about their purpose, it tends to come in different categories. Here. Okay, so let me give you some of those categories. First is yourself. I know that sounds like no duh, Brendon, but this is yourself in terms of your identity. This is yourself in terms of who you are becoming. And this is yourself in terms of your self worth. Okay, I'll cover those three elements here in a second. Self in regards to your identity. Who am I? Self in terms of who you are becoming. Who do I believe I am meant to become, or do I desire to become? And self in terms of self-worth. Am I Worthy. These questions make you either feel connected as a purposeful being, or they make you feel terrible. And so let's explore them. Your identity. I always ask this in my seminars. If you've never done this work with me, it's from one of my other books called The Charge. And the charge being like the amp, like the battery pack, like The subtitle was Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive. The book is called The Charge. One of the things I started asking people to do in High Performance Work was to share with me, to generate and share with me, what are the 3 words that would define the best of who you are today? If you had to describe yourself, let's say you went on speed dating and you sat down across from someone and the question was, okay, share the 3 best parts of you and with using one word, describe that now. It's kind of like that, right? It's like, what's the 3— like if I had to describe the best of who I am in 3 words, what would my 3 words be? What are your 3 words? Like what are your 3 words that that is the best of who you are? Or if you struggle with that, the 3 words that would describe the best of who you want to be. I want to make sure that you have your 3 words. And I want your 3 words on a board, or I want the 3 words on your mirror, or I want the 3 words next to your computer. And every day you look at those 3 words and say, today I'm going to be this. At midday, am I being this? At the end of the day, was I that? We need to develop a purposeful sense of being and remind ourselves of it. I do not expect other people to think or feel or experience life like me. It just isn't there. I don't think my team members should think like me or are like me. I don't think that my spouse is anything like me. She has her own universe of emotions and feelings. They're very different than mine. Trust me, way different. I think my family, my friends, it's like there's no, for me, demand that they think like me. It doesn't mean I don't get frustrated that we don't have a good relationship or I don't like their communication or I don't like something they said or I feel neglected or hurt. We all have those things. The question is, over a period of time, do you have depth and closeness in that relationship? I promise there's a ton of things Denise, my spouse, she would say that she doesn't like about how I think or how I experience the world. And I would say the same about her. But the question isn't, do we like everything that we say? The question is, is there depth and closeness and intimacy in our relationship? And that only happens if enough times you realize the person is different than you. Different preferences, different hopes, different needs. Like, I'm probably needier than my wife is in terms of like emotional stuff. It's just the way I am. And you might be different than your spouse, your friend, your dad, your mom, someone who raised you. And if you're trying to cram the world with this expectation that they got to be, think, and behave exactly like you, that is where there is a ripping of that relationship. You got to let other people have their own life. And the more you try to control their life, the more misery you have. A lot of mental health is letting other people live their life. Not trying to control everything. You know what mental illness is? When you feel like you must control everything. What do you find meaning in? Is there something you love you could give a few more hours to? Is there someone you love you could give a few more hours to? Is there an interest or hobby, a passion that you just love doing? And maybe, you know what, it doesn't add up to the bank account. It doesn't get you on the COVID of the magazines. But it makes life worthwhile. You feel better. You feel a greater sense of fulfillment from life because you're living life, doing things, and being a person that you love. I think ultimately all meaning and fulfillment, all roads somehow lead back to this topic of love. Might not have all the answers on that one. That might be something for you to journal about today. How does love connect to your sense of meaning and fulfillment in life. That might mean you live with love, meaning you are loving-hearted towards other people. It might mean how you treat other people. It might be the things that you do. It might be your life philosophy. However you define it, I promise you, my friends, love That's the answer somewhere. Our social realm is incredibly purposeful. Most importantly is this, and you all know this as strivers here in Growth Day, but I think this is so critical. You've got to be around purposeful people. You got to be around purposeful people. If you feel like the people around you aren't as purposeful as they should, send them to growthday.com. You know, it's like maybe they need a little training. A lot of people need training on this topic, just like my friend I told you about, the woman I was coaching, who she'd never been trained to ask the question, what would make her feel fulfilled? Most people have never been trained on purpose either. But getting around striving, giving, generous, kind, compassionate, high-performing people will completely make you feel different about life. I think about my friendships and the people in my life. They got a lot of purpose. And it doesn't mean they have this endgame. It means they're living purposeful lives with great intention and appreciation and presence. So they're awesome to be around. Do you have 5 people who are awesome to be around in your life? Like awesome and purposeful. If not, time to meet them. Literally today, somebody, a friend of mine, reached out about a situation going on in the world that he wanted to support and was asking me for support. And it was a cause that I don't know that much about, but I know he loves this and this is near and dear to his heart, and I can learn from it. And so I support it. I think of all the time, like, what, what does my wife love? Oh, she loves that that thing. She loves design. She loves that show. She loves these people. She loves this experience. Okay, okay. How can I serve that up? Because if you serve up what other people love or you honor it, respect it, cheer it on, support it in some way, the depth of that relationship becomes tangible. And now there's energy there because they feel the 3 things that everybody needs to feel. They feel understood. They feel validated. They feel celebrated to live their own life. So, if you can understand other people, if you can validate them, if you can celebrate what they like and what they love, their obsessions, versus making them have to do what you do, life is so much easier. I'll tell you an example. Years ago, Denise and I started working together, and we had a podcast at the time, HPX Podcast. I think we did maybe like 10, 20 episodes maybe. I can't remember what it was. And it was just super clear that this was not something that she loved. And we didn't love doing it really together the way that we thought we would. And it was like, let's call that. So we just ended it. Didn't worry about what people thought, didn't worry about the business, didn't worry about— I was like, oh, that's not something we love doing together. Let's not do that. There's things that I love in my life, totally not her jam. Things that she loves, Totally not my jam, but we cheer it on. We support it, and it creates that depth and that closeness of relationship. And if you don't have that with other people, guess what? You don't get to complain. It's your job to have that difficult conversation. It's your job to bring it up, to make a plan, to work through it, even if that takes weeks or years. To shift your mutual behaviors in that relationship. Don't give up on the person just because they don't get you, because guess what? It's not their job to get you. It's not your job to get you. But if you want to have a graceful, deep, intimate, connected relationship, it's now time. What do they love and how can I support that? How can I let them be their thing? Let them, you know, fly their flag, be their weirdness, and cheer them on in whatever way that makes sense because it makes them happy. What does your spouse, your partner, your coworkers love to do? You know, in my companies, I never am like, you have to be this role. I'm like, what do you like to do? First, always like, what do you like? Well, I don't like this, I want to do that. I'm like, oh, well, let's try to figure out a plan to get you more towards that. And that's always been my thing. Oh, you like that? You want to do more of that? Okay. And that makes a team feel feel heard and seen and recognized. And if they complain and they don't like something, then it's like, oh, can I shift that for them? Because that's their vibe. You got to figure that out. I can have a terrible day, and at the end of the day, I can go, okay, 2 years ago, here's how I would have dealt with that terrible day. Today, how can I improve how I deal with this terrible day? It doesn't mean you don't have terrible days anymore, does it? It doesn't mean you're not tired. It doesn't mean you don't get stressed. It doesn't mean you don't get frustrated. What it means is you have the intention to ask, "Oh, how can I improve how I'm dealing with this?" Have you ever been in a relationship where you and your partner, your spouse have the same fight over and over and over and over and over and over again? It's literally the same fight. Over and over and over and over again? No, it's literally the same fight over and over. You ever had that? That, what's lacking is somebody there is lacking the accountability and the consistent action to say, how can I improve this? How can I do it? What's happened is it's turned into a blame game, right? This person's responsible, not me. No accountability, no action. I don't have to improve it, you improve it. You broke it. You cheated. You're the bad one. You're the one bringing this up. And all of a sudden, you, you, you, blame, blame, blame, no accountability. I don't have to change, no action. If both couples get into that, that's where couples therapy has to happen because they're both in the blame game. They've both taken the accountability off. They believe the lie that, you know, relationships have to be 50/50 equal. No, relationships actually mean 100/100. You're 100% responsible for yourself. I'm 100% responsible for myself. And it takes 100% to keep improving this thing and making it better year over year. I think that's what people forget. It's not like huge dramatic shifts always need to happen. What has to happen for most people to change? Awareness, acceptance, and accountability. And then just small, consistent actions to improve, right? It's like, It can be— that's gonna be so tactical and tangible. I think of like, you know, my career as a coach. I just try to get better every session. It doesn't mean I'm always actually better every session. It's my intention. I'm gonna get better. Every session with this client will get better. Sometimes it feels like it goes 2 steps back. Luckily, it's 3 steps forward. At some point. And so I don't pretend that every day is a bright, shiny, happy place. I just pretend that every day it's possible to improve, to improve my reaction, to improve my energy, to improve how I treat this person, to improve how I stay congruent, right? It is that constant desire, that constant intention to have purposeful living. And no one has purposeful intention or purposeful living and decides, you know, I don't want to improve today. You can accept yourself and still want to improve today, right? The Dalai Lama can be fully accepting of himself, but he can also want to improve his meditative practice, right? We all have that impulse to grow, improve, develop mastery. Personal growth and purpose is something to be cultivated on a very regular basis. Otherwise, you lose touch with it. Just like most people say, "I lost my motivation." I go, "You didn't lose your motivation. You lost the practice of paying attention to the things that matter to you and using your mind to rev you up for those things. That's all. You started going through the motions, and so you lost the motivation." You can still do the same thing, but instead of just going through it unconsciously, bring conscious intention. By bringing purposeful being to a thing, It changes. Well, as you learn to make being a purposeful being happen on a more regular basis, I promise you can shift. And that's the hopeful message for today. I know sometimes you watch something like this, you're not in a good mood, you don't feel good, there's been a tragedy, travesty, something's going on in the world you don't like, and your day is just kind of like all over the place. But that's why we're here. It's got to do— it's like constantly doing the work. I would love for you to all type this in either your journal or the chat or the comments right now. I love constantly doing the work. Actually write it down. I love constantly doing work. You have to teach yourself. I love constantly doing the work. I get in an argument with my wife, I'm like, ooh, I love constantly doing the work. Like, you have to keep generating the ambition and the engagement and enjoyment of doing the personal development work. I walk out of a conflict or an argument with somebody and I have to go recenter myself. I'm like, "Okay, Brendon, chance to learn, buddy. What do you got to learn? How can next time be better? How do I really want to show up? How can I repair this?" How can we improve the situation next time? How could I approach it differently? What can I watch for next time to make it better? Let me try. You got this next time, Brennan. Be graceful for today. You got this next time. A little more intention. Okay, here we go. Just over and over and over, giving yourself the grace to learn, to enter the next situation more intentionally. That's the stuff of purpose. I think for those of you who are really struggling to like meet high-quality people from your perspective, um, I can't recommend enough that you get involved with some local organizations that are nonprofit-based and that you start attending more fundraisers, more acts of service. And I know some of you go, I don't, I don't have anything I don't have money to contribute, maybe, or I don't have, you know, I don't know what I want to do. I'm like, I don't care. Go to a bunch of them and you'll learn what you like. And I will also say this, I know I've been saying this for years, I beat a dead drum a little bit here, but when you go to a fundraiser or you go to a volunteer event, do you know who goes to those? Like you go to a black tie event, like a fundraiser as an example. Do you know who goes there? The most successful, high-achieving, positive, wealthy, influential people in that particular community. People who have something to give and in their spirit, in their heart, says, I play this role in this community where I'm going to make a difference here. Awesome. I mean, some of my best friends I've met throughout the years, I met either doing the work of contribution or literally on a nonprofit board or at a fundraiser. Because that striving community who wants to make a difference, I can't, I can't share with them. But here's the thing, whether you go do that or you don't, the people who are closest to you, if you want to make a difference with them, if you want to deepen that relationship, find a way to make a difference together. Go do something cool. That contributes, go volunteer. I think if you really want the closest friendships imaginable, you go volunteer once a month or once a quarter. You just, you don't wait for it, you schedule it. I want you to be the friend that schedules the contribution. Be that friend. Don't hope that person comes into your life. You're that scheduler. You're that person who sets that up. You're the person that gets them together. Because at some point they'll take it over. In all of my greatest friendship circles, I tend to be the person who initiates it and we do something, and then someone says, I'll do it next time. I'm like, great, just do that. Acts of contribution together. Do you know who feel incredible meaning in their lives? People who cherish their life. Cherish it. Truly cherish their life. And if you feel like I'm speaking philosophically to you, I'm not. I've had both the blessing and the very real difficulties of being with a lot of people at the end of their life. And many of you know I volunteer in hospice. I've been with my own father as he passed away in our home. And I can share with you that it's not until too late that many people finally start cherishing their life, really owning and appreciating different parts of their life. And if you can remember to do that, I think something magical happens. That's why I ask everybody, go into your Growth Day journal every day and capture any meaningful moment. Capture any sense of gratitude. Capture any event you didn't like and spin that meaning into such a way where you acknowledge what's real, but you're back in control of your emotions, feelings, and your next actions. It's like by the more often that we capture moments that we can cherish or moments that we can learn, the more life becomes more meaningful. But absent of that self-reflection, it's just a busy blur. That's why journaling has proven over and over and over in psychology, including mental health practices and yes, therapy, to dramatically shift people's thoughts and feelings and life satisfaction over the long term. You want to feel more meaning and fulfillment in your life? Think about life more. Read some philosophy. Read some great biographies of people who did great things. Expand your vision. And as soon as you expand your vision, there's a different sense of, I would say, emotion and motion in life. Expand that vision again, open up that ambition again. Now, most people don't do that because, "Well, you don't understand, Brendon, I got disappointed. I failed. They don't believe in me." I'm like, "And?" If you let every disappointment or failure or discourager out there pull at your life philosophy and where you're going in the future, If you forget that you are destined for greatness by God, or you are destined for goodness by a higher power, or if you don't believe in any of that, if you forgot the connection to your own future in which you want abundance and joy and amazing things for your family, well then we got pulled into the mud, didn't we? You have to adore people. If you don't adore the person that you are with right now, you have to resummon that up. You have to look for the things in them that will help you do that. And the way to do that, give them more attention, show them more appreciation. When they receive more attention and more appreciation from you, there will be an energetic change in the relationship. It will turn more vibrant, more— there'll be more pop in it. And all of a sudden you'll start to notice that person, they come a little more alive around you and it'll be easier to adore them because you're like, oh look, I never even noticed they do do these things. That's funny. Or, oh gosh, I never noticed they did all these things for me. I have attention to that now and I appreciate that now. You'll start to adore them more. When you adore the person with you more, you do things for them. You do more things for them. You want to see them light up. You start supporting their dreams more. Are you doing that? Because real adoration is getting out of your own way and asking, what is it about this person's life that I can support? That they love to do, because showing real adoration is showing support. Real adoration is not just doting on somebody with flowers and gifts, though you should do that too. It's about wanting to support their bigger life goals, their bigger dreams. When you truly adore somebody, you want so desperately to see them happy and passionate, engaged, living their own fully charged life. When you really adore someone, you go out of your way way, out of your way to brag about them in front of them, right? When they're there and you're in a social situation, you'll compliment them, you'll brag about them, and you'll make them— like, if you haven't made your partner, your spouse, your lover, your husband, your wife blush for a while with a good compliment in front of other people, what are you doing, right? I'm always trying to embarrass my poor lady, you know, but in a positive way, because I'll compliment her in front of other people and she'll be like, I really appreciate you said that about me. About me, 'cause I want her to feel adored. I want everybody in the community, I want everybody in my life to know how much I adore my lady. So do you have that intention for yours? For the person that you're with, does everybody know how much you adore them? Are you bragging them up? Are you really adoring them personally and publicly? When you do that, you'll notice a different level of engagement in that relationship too, and everything will change, because they will feel adored, appreciated, appreciated and feel like you're giving them attention. So they'll turn it around. Now they'll give you more attention, more appreciation, more adoration, and there'll be this spark that happens between the two of you that you never imagined that you could have. That is what it feels like to live the charged life.

Because you made it this far in the video, I want to celebrate you. Most people start and don't finish. Most people never actually follow through. Most people say they want something, but they don't ever do the work to actually get it. But you are different. You are special. Believe Nation, you made it here all the way to the end, and I love you. So it's a special celebration. If you put a hashtag #believe down in the comments below on this video, I will showcase you and celebrate you somewhere on the screen in a future video because you are awesome. If you want even more Brendon Burchard, check out the video right there next to me. I think you'll love it. Continue to believe and I'll see you there.

Double down on your goodness. You want to have an exceptional and incredible 2020? You want to find purpose this year? Double down on your goodness. Adopt the role model mindset and say, how can I be a role model?