The Exact Mindset Of The Top 1% | Reprogram Your Brain for Wealth | Denis Waitley

Most people go through life reacting to the world around them like a thermometer, but the most successful people learn to be a thermostat and set their own temperature for success. Today we are learning from the legendary Denis Waitley on how your mind stores the things you imagine as facts. He shares how Olympians and astronauts practice success in their minds before they ever step onto the field or into a rocket. You will discover how to stop focusing on your fears and start Programming your brain for the life you actually want. A special thanks to the Whateley family for partnering with us to release this video exclusively here on my YouTube channel. To learn more about Dennis Whateley Global, check the first link in the description below. Well, you know, when I was a little boy, I was in a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother and father argued all the time about money. I put my pillow over my head and sort of cried myself to sleep. And then my dad left when I was 9, and I became the man of the family. And my mother said, if you're not careful, you're going to grow up to be just like him. And I always wondered if I could be different from my father. So I tried to find coaches or teachers or people who would give me the encouragement that I could be better than where I came from. And it was really my grandmother when I went over to mow her lawn every Saturday. I could hardly wait to ride my bike 20 miles one way because I knew when I got there That she would say, "Good job, good boy. Here's some lunch for you. You're a good boy," and that made me feel so good that somebody approved of me or thought that I could do a good job. And I think the turning point was when we planted a victory garden during World War II. We put the seeds in the soil, and we looked at on the package to see what was the outcome. And she said, "You know, if you plant great seeds." You get the harvest of what you plant, because the weeds come in uninvited. I said, wow, you mean whatever you put in the soil comes up? And she said, yeah, if you water it and take care of it. She said, model your life after people who've been really great in their service to others, and you can't help but win in life. You're a good boy. And I think what happened to me is that I tried to get out of my environment into the world and model myself after Good role models and mentors and coaches. Well, the secret to me, in my own words, really is you become that to which you're most exposed. In other words, what you read, what you watch, who you listen to, who you hang around with, what you internalize tends to materialize outwardly in your life. I believe that imagination plus internalization equals realization. And as I've been working with astronauts or Olympians or prisoners of war, I've always found that you You live inside. It's as if the software is always driving the hardware, and the software program that you've developed is the thing that drives the machine. And that's why it's so important to internalize value, because you project always on the outside how you feel on the inside. It's not possible to concentrate on the reverse of an idea. In other words, you can't say, I'm not this and I'm not that, and I don't like this and I don't like that. All that does is— Repel it. Reinforce where you're coming from. So I think that the real secret is you become what you're thinking about most of the time. And whatever your thoughts are, the currently dominant thoughts become ingrained and habitual, like a submarine running silent and deep. I think the junk food in your mind is very important, whether it's the heavy metal rap or whether it's the escape Reality television. You become tension-relieving instead of goal-achieving. And you tend to try to escape from the goals you never set and from the values you never developed. And you tend to find superficial, immediate gratification in an outward life rather than the inner life. Imagination plus internalization, or if you will, simulation, Plus internalization equals realization. Whatever you're imagining, the mind is unable to distinguish between something vividly imagined and that which has really happened. So we store as fact the things we imagine, the things we're afraid of. Is fear real? Of course it's real to the person experiencing it. And when you tell a child there's nothing to be afraid of— Well, not to the child, because the child is afraid of a premonition. That's something that could happen. So we tend to use memory and imagination the same way. Memory looks back, imagination looks forward. Many people have bad memories and premonitions. The people who are really successful take the memories that are good and reinforce those, learn from their mistakes, and then imagine a future which becomes the target. And the mind is target-seeking by design. It always moves toward— The currently dominant thought, unable to come away from what it's thinking about. In other words, you really have to be careful what you put in the mind because that is what the program then runs. Internalization is simply practice, and practice makes permanent. Only perfect practice makes perfect. So you learn the correct swing in golf, You practice on the driving range, but be careful, you might practice your mistakes. You need to practice the right way to live rather than reinforce the wrong way to live. So internalization takes place over a long period of time by etching in your subconscious over and over again a neural pathway that is created, and it's almost physical in nature. And I learned that from The Olympians, they rehearse, they go out on the field, then they practice. And they practice the right way over and over again. When they make a mistake, they correct the mistake. When they do something well, they reinforce that. And as they practice the right way to win, when they go to perform, they just remember. They don't try anymore because it's already an impression. Well, my passion is to plant shade trees under which I know I'll never sit. I want to plant shade trees for future generations. I want to be part of the future. I don't want to be part of the past. I don't want to collect life. I want to celebrate it. I don't want to show people where I've been. I want to be where it's going. It's very much like the star thrower, and so many people have told that story, but the true story is that the star thrower Star Thrower, was written by Lauren Isley, and it's a series of essays where the old man goes to the beach and the tourists are boiling— they're boiling the sand dollars and starfish that they picked up on the beach so they can take them home and put them on their coffee table. And most people live life with their photos and their collections to show people that they were there. But the star thrower is the old man and the old woman who take a gunny sack and keep it wet and put the starfish in it and go up to the reef. And they sail it out on the outgoing tide for another year, another week, another month of life. Being part of life is much better than being part of history. Unless we learn from history, we tend to repeat it. And what we need to do is learn from people who've lived before. I feel that if you read and listen to the secret as it was passed on from the beginning of recorded time, you don't have to make all the trial and error mistakes yourself. You actually can learn from other people who've been through much more than you have. And why do we have to make every mistake? I've always wondered why young people don't like to listen to older people. They say, yeah, I want to do it myself. And you say, you mean you want to waste another 10 years looking for the secret? Well, I think we, we look at the failure as fertilizer. So if failure is the fertilizer of success, in other words, if you mulch it and then throw it on the soil and it grows a green crop, That's the way to view failure, as a learning experience or a temporary inconvenience, a target correction necessary. So we learn from the mistakes of the past so we don't repeat them, because who wants to wallow in their own fertilizer? You want to spread it out. And so the past is a way we collect memories. The good ones should be the ones that are reinforced. And we should learn from our mistakes in the past so we don't have to repeat them. And that way we can Project into the future the desired result. So that's why I've always said that winners dwell on the reward of success; losers dwell on the penalty of failure. Winners dwell on the desired result; losers look through the rearview mirror and see the past coming back to haunt them. That it's going to happen like this again. The marriage won't work out this time either. Oh, you've seen one, you've seen them all. And they they always get what they expect in life more than what they want because the expectation. Is so powerful psychologically. You know, that's what I've been, a psychosomatic psychologist. I happen to believe that the mind-body connection is so intricate and exquisite that whatever you harbor in the mind is manifested in some way in the body. You know, ulcers are not what you ate, it's what's eating you. And many people who are very rigid tend to get a more rigid structure in life. A broken heart can be carrying forward too many hurts, and there's a direct relationship between your health and the way you think about it. You know, what I would do for my health is get the finest medical care in the world, but superimpose on top of it an attitude of wellness and health and looking forward to being well rather than trying to overcome an illness. You know, if you look at the word or the statement POW, is that prisoner of war, is it Prince of Wales, is it power of women, is it pow? Or could it be psychology of winning? Could it be that the representation of something depends on the way you think about it? And let me explain. I worked with prisoners of war from Vietnam. In fact, I was the rehabilitation coordinator for some of them. Now, they've been 5 years in solitary confinement. So what do you do for 5 years with nothing to do but think? Do you worry? Do you complain? What do you do? What do you do? They did to stay healthy was remember everything good about the life that they missed. They projected being back home. They picked up pieces of literature and memorized them. And one Air Force colonel played one round of great golf every day for 5 and a half years. One round, the best that he'd ever played before, in his mind. If the mind can't distinguish between simulation and and reality, then it stores as fact what you're playing. And he came back atrophied and withered and shot the most marvelous round of golf, not having played for 5 and a half years. And the news media said, congratulations, beginner's reentry luck. He said, luck? Are you kidding? I never 3-putted a green in 5 and a half years. And they said, did you have a golf course at the Hanoi Hilton? He said, we all have one. In your imagination, you never miss. If you look at that, if you look at imagination as a tool, And you call it simulation, then simulation is what the astronauts do. They tell the astronaut, "We're going to shoot you a quarter of a million miles up and back by something built by the government." Neil, we're going to put you on a rocket, send you to the moon. We were going to use a chimpanzee, but because of animal rights, we're going to send you instead. And he says, "Will you get me home?" And they say, "She had worked on paper." She had worked in the simulator. She had worked during all of our rehearsals for the last 2 or 3 years. If you do it right in drill, you'll do it right in life. And one of the most amazing things is that discipline is not doing without. Discipline is doing within when you're without. Why would you attempt to go someplace dangerous where you might lose your life? You would if you were well trained and if you believed that the expectation of success was caused by the simulation inside. Then you take an Olympian. An Olympian learns from a coach. The coach teaches the Olympian everything he or she knows. The Olympian trains for 1,200 days for one moment of glory or agony. What would the Olympian do? The Olympian's best training is in his or her mind. When you go through a relaxation program with Olympic athletes, they can lower their heart rate by thinking They can dilate the arteries in their stomach. They can warm their fingers. They can cool their foreheads. They can do this through practice because they've learned to internalize the feelings, the emotions of what the outcome that they want in advance. My heart rate is slow and regular, 50 beats a minute. Thank you. Thump, thump. Thump. Then the archer pulls the bow back and then releases the arrow between heartbeats. Why? Because if you release it between heartbeats, it doesn't jiggle off the target with a little beat of a heart. At the world-class level, it's mind over muscle, mind over money, and the mind that matters. And that's why it's so important to go inward. Rather than external in life. Why do we do what we do when we know what we know? Because we don't do what we know, we do what we've learned. And what we've learned, we learn quite by accident. We learn by television, observing, reading, watching. We imitate, we internalize. And so we know better than to smoke. We know better than to drink too much. We know better than to be violent, but we're violent anyway because violence is learned. And so are other habits learned. And they're learned by observation, imitation, and repetition. And everything we'll ever be is what we observe, what we imitate, then becomes internal, and then is projected on the outside. When you look at an astronaut, an astronaut is someone who is very interested in exploring places that no one's ever gone before. The problem with an astronaut is that since no one's ever gone before, it's very, very dangerous and very risky because you can only do it initially on paper or in your mind. So what we needed to do was make going to the moon as realistic as possible in training. So you go out to the desert and you put them in a lunar excursion module and you fly up and down off the desert. And it's very arid and it's rocky and sandy. It looks just like the moon would. And you do that over and over again and you begin to get the feeling, oh, this is what it's going to be like when we really go there. And then you put them in the water so they can get the feeling of weightlessness. And we take them up into a big cargo plane that has no seats in it. And we pull negative Gs, which means we go up and pull it so they're floating around. And they're floating inside this plane and they do somersaults and they can do things. And you say, that is what weightlessness is. So if you can make training and schooling and learning as much like real life as it's going to be in real life, we all become astronauts then. I think courage has nothing to do with saying, you know, I'm just courageous. Why? I don't know. I just have this instinct. Courage is learned, and it's learned by being well prepared. Does a person who defuses a bomb really enjoy that? No. They're very well trained. Are they afraid when they go to defuse a bomb? Let's see. You cut either the green wire or the red wire, or is it the yellow wire? And what if it's been put together the reverse? But a bomb defuser is so well trained that while frightened is courageous enough because the training has been so good that they have confidence in the outcome. That's why I'd rather say no train, no gain rather than no pain, no gain. So each of us is an astronaut. We're going places that we think are dangerous because no one's been where we're going before and this is all new. And that's why it's important to think of yourself as an astronaut who's going to go and come back successfully. I think that the reason that successful people look spontaneous— they're not spontaneous. They learned it. Spontaneity is reflexive action. They look so natural. They're so naturally successful. Look how beautiful she dances. Look at the ballet. Look at that figure skater. Look at that Olympian effortlessly winning. Are you kidding? They went through that training for so long that when they go to do it, they just allowed themselves muscle memory. Then we took the skiers and put a camera on the front of the skis and then took a visual video of the way the giant slalom was going to look. And then the skier— and you watch it in the Olympics— they close their eyes and they're standing at the very top and they haven't even begun the run, But they're going like this, and they're actually going through the slalom run without hitting a flag, without missing a gate, and they're doing it in advance in simulation. That's what we were doing with the Apollo program, but it's almost all mental then, because the beauty of mental rehearsal or visualization is you don't fail then. You don't fall on the ice. You don't hit a hurdle. You don't have to experience failure in your mind. You can use your mind for advanced success. In other words, pre-play, instant pre-play. And then you replay when you succeed. Then you pre-play success and you replay. But you don't always succeed in real life. But you don't want to replay your failure because that just reinforces it. So winners are able to pre-play through training, Mentally. They do it— sure, they do it on the ice, and they do it on the hill, and they do it in an astronaut capsule. But the best rehearsal of all is that in the mind. And you'd— you can do that in a backyard, in a park, by the ocean, in your bed, in a living room chair, because the mind has the ability to project yourself where you want to go or where you've been. Yeah, my colleagues and I, you know, we use acronyms. I mean, we all use them. I think every speaker does, you know, luck is laboring under correct knowledge and fear is false evidence appearing real. The word tip means to ensure performance. So you really want to tip someone before they perform rather than just after, because if you tip them before, it tells them what you would like them to do. And then they try to rise to the expectation. Some of the specifics that I've learned is that You really need to be specific. The mind doesn't work vaguely. It doesn't know what you mean by being happy or peaceful or doing better than last year. It deals with numbers and margins and deadlines because when you, when you consider a publisher, a publisher doesn't want you to just write a book. They want you to know how many chapters. They want you to tell them when you can do 10 pages. They They want to know what the headlines are. They want to know specifics. And I found that the more specific you are about where you want to go, the easier it is for your mind to take you there. Would you go on a vacation and say, we're just going to drive till we run out of gas? Would you say, I don't care where we go, let's just go and have some fun? No, you get travel posters and you get the information, you get all excited about it, and you begin to get this image in your mind of where you're going, and it drives you to get there. Once you get in your mind specifically where you want to go, it becomes virtually automatic because the mind says, now I understand what you want. Before, you were just vaguely describing something I couldn't get a hold of. And so we really tell people that, of course, writing down where you want to go, but also to have some really short-term targets so they can pull you stair-stepping through. We do that with Olympians. We set low goal, short term, usually about 90 days. Why? Because you can wrap your mind around 3 months, like a quarterly report for a company. 90 days is a good period of time because you don't have interruptions in the month. So you get a 90-day low goal, short term. You begin to write down what you want, where you're going to go. And you can do many of these. They don't have to be just a few. And then you begin to dwell on where you want to be in that 90-day period. The interesting thing about a deadline, especially for material goals, is that people procrastinate. And they only get going when there's a due date. And that's why college students stay up all night doing their term paper, or they stay up all night cramming for the exam. It wasn't important to them Until there was a due date. So whenever you have something material that you want, put a due date on it because it will make you— force you to take action. For a goal that is not material— to be a good father, to be more intimate, to be more caring— never put a due date on a character goal. I'd like to be a good father 2 and a half years from now. Yeah, right. I am a good father now. I am caring with my loved ones. I listen rather than preach. I am this kind of person. And as you internalize the person that you want to be— I do that with myself. I used to be Waitley come lately. I used to arrive late because my name was Waitley, so make them wait. But now I'm Swiftly or Rushly, and I'm, I'm first to the gate Waitley. So I've decided to be first at the gate and not make people wait. And so as I put that in my mind, Was I a person who was late? Yeah, up until that time. Did I immediately become an on-time person? No. But as I began to think about the person that I wanted to be, I became on time. Be specific with material goals. Be, if you will, in the present tense with the things you really want to occur, because the mind stores as reality in long-term memory Things that you give importance to in the present tense. That's why through the years all of the speakers and motivators have used the affirmative present tense, personal, optimistic. I am. I am becoming. My breathing is relaxed and effortless for an Olympian. My heart rate is slow and regular. Because only by putting that in the present will the mind say, oh, I see, we want it now. You want that to occur now, so you put an affirmative present tense to the kind of person you want to be, and the mind helps you get there sooner. It's better also to be practicing and rehearsing when you're very relaxed. The more relaxed you are, the more possible it is for both hemispheres of the brain. When the left hemisphere is quieted, the right hemisphere not only can see and feel the emotions, But also can hear the words that come through, because when it's relaxed, it no longer guards you against incoming stimuli. You relax, you're focused, you're very focused, and now you listen to soft music. Why? Music is emotional and inspires next to eating. Maybe it's eating, sex. No, it's eating, music, and sex. But music has the ability to speed or lower the heart rate and the way you think to the beat of the music. And that's why the slow classical music at 1 beat per second, you'll find an Olympian sitting quietly with the heart rate slow, the endorphins flowing, the mind totally open and receptive. That's when they do their rehearsal. So a good idea is not to sit in the locker room and go, we're going to beat them, champions. You know, that's the old style, to get fired up. You don't want to get fired up. You want to get relaxed. You want to get focused. You want to be receptive. And you want to go over the script. And you want to project inside and manifest what you want to happen on the outside. Because if you get all fired up, You go out and make mistakes. You push and press and try and worry. Your heart's beating too fast. The adrenaline's pumping. You don't want the adrenaline to pump. You want receptiveness. That's why we, we take athletes or executives and we slow them down and relax them with very, very soft music. I tell young people, don't do your homework with heavy metal or rock music or even rap music. It'll block out the ability for that information to come in and stick. Because the softer and quieter you are, the more inspired and relaxed you become, and the more you learn. And then if you're going to put in your statements about yourself, let's say that you want to weigh a certain amount. For a woman, it might be, I weigh 120 pounds and look great in a bathing suit. I weigh 120. I eat lean source protein. I eat fiber-based carbohydrates. Water is my favorite fitness drink. I like who I see in the mirror. When I walk by a store window, I like who I glance at. My muscles are lean and firm. And this is the kind of short statement that you want to internalize all the time. Think about an Olympian. Olympian makes it even shorter. Speed, power, explode, extend, rotate, plant the feet, follow through. Touch first. That's it. That's more like it. Need a 10? Got a 10. This is your moment in history. Thanks for all the carpools, Mom. This vault's for you. In other words, you're really going through the performance you want to occur, but at the same time, you're trying to relax yourself. So that's why it's important to say and think relaxing thoughts as well as desired outcome thoughts. I can usually tell a winner or a loser, although you can't really quantify people as that. I mean, there aren't winners and losers. There's degrees of winning and losing. And people in underdeveloped countries and people who are engaged in poverty can't be called losers. They've never been given the opportunity that we have in a knowledge-based world for education especially. But there is something that really distinguishes people who are successful from those who are not successful, and that is the way they speak about and the way they project their own lives. I listen to it in homes, making mountains out of molehills. The way parents handle the regular things that happen in life. People who get upset easily over trifles. People who are always complaining. They don't understand that this computer of theirs, the most marvelous biocomputer ever created, stores and projects everything they think and they say. That's why I always interview people and I listen to what they're saying. Tell me about your life. How's your health? How's everything at home? How's your economy? Are you saving money for the future? What do you think about the future? And if they explain that because of this, and if they blame the government, if they blame their parents, and if they blame other people, if they're always looking to the outside for the reasons why they're not successful, they in my mind have become Thermometers. A thermometer, if you will, reads the temperature outside. And a thermometer always reads what's happening on the outside. Ah, but a thermostat— a thermostat is a mechanism that you set and it warms you up or cools you off depending on the setting. And the mind is almost automatic in nature. What you get is what you set. What you see is who you'll be. What you talk about becomes a commentary, then it becomes a script, and then the actors act out the script. You know, I've actually done this before at Lee Strasberg School of Acting. If you take actors and actresses and you put blood catheters in and you take instrumentation, if the actor or actress is even acting out a negative or depressing part, The endorphin level, the natural high, is decreased completely, and you get the harbingers of danger or fear in the blood as a result of the part you're playing. It doesn't even matter whether you believe it. It just matters that you're saying it and acting upon it. And that's why— be careful what you say to your children. Be careful when you tell them— Don't get hurt. Don't get sick. Do good on the exam. Whatever you do, don't press. Don't worry. You need to tell people what you want them to do. You need to tell yourself what you expect you're going to do. But unless there's imminent physical danger, do not tell yourself what you don't want, because the mind cannot concentrate on the reverse of an idea. You can't say, clean up your room, you pigs, Because the children will go, . You cannot say to a high-wire walker, be careful, windy day, no net, don't fall. No, you must tell a high-wire walker, there's the ledge, there's where you're going, one foot after the other, you'll get there. But if you look down and worry about the penalty of failure, you'll never get the reward of success. You'll never reach your physical limits in what you can do in life because of your psychological limitations. In other words, In 1,000 lifetimes, we couldn't accomplish all we're capable of because we've got so much potential. We could memorize the entire Bible in a couple of weeks. We could know 7 or 8 languages easily. The things that we can do with this magnificent computer that God has given us, you know, that we've been endowed with, we've been sprinkled at our conception. We've been given more talents, which are inborn. Talents are inborn. And behavior and performance is learned. Well, we've got more talent than we could ever use. The problem is we never outgrow the limitations we set. We only set new ones within which we must live. So we've given ourselves a limitation on earnings, and we say, that's all I'm capable of earning. Why? Because no one in the family ever earned any more, and with my education and my background, I can't earn any more. And yet there have been thousands of people who've earned more in one year than all of their previous 50 years previously, simply because all their experience went together. They found the secret. They manifested something inside. The things they love to do most, their passion, became part— instead of a hobby, became part of their career. Instead of an avocation, it became their vocation. So I really look at limitations as being the biggest things. They're psychological. And that's like planting a big tree in a flower pot. You get root-bound by your psychological and environmental limitations when there's virtually no limits on the physical ability to do things. We rarely reach our physical limits in life. Sure, I'm old enough to know that I can't run at a certain speed. I'm old enough to know that maybe I won't be an astronaut unless they want to take some seniors up, and then I'll pay to go. There are some things that physically my limits have already been reached, but there are so many things that I can do that I haven't tried to do because I've been afraid because of this thermometer versus the thermostat. You know, I really, I really am a thermostat now. I see where I want it, what the temperature I want, and I raise it there. And then what happens to me is I keep trying to perform up to the setting that I've set. Whereas the other people who are thermometers just lay there and let what's happening in the world indicate what their temperature should be. Well, if that were true, then we'd only be the temperature of the economy and the temperature of all the problems in the world. But you really have to look at limitations being here and limits being things that we'll rarely ever test. Now, I love the concept in the story of Acres of Diamonds. When you stop to think of it, Acres of Diamonds is a story of everyone looking for success in all the wrong places. Ali Hafed was a Persian farmer, and he saw a diamond, and he knew that if he had one of those, he'd be very powerful, and if he could find many, he'd be really rich. So he left his family and left his farm looking for diamonds and never found any, and he actually committed suicide because he was so despondent that he lived his whole life seeking something he could not find. And yet the person that took over his farm found in the backyard, in the stream, acres and acres of diamonds. In fact, it was the largest man-found diamond mine in the whole world. True story. The Golconda Mine. And to this day, those diamonds are the most precious in the world, and they're never sold. They're passed on through generations. What's the moral of the story? When you leave where you are and believe you're getting outside of yourself to find riches You've forgotten the most important thing of all is that the acres of diamonds are within you in your, in your own backyard. Each of us is given a priceless gemstone of potential inside ourselves. It's as if we have acres of diamonds inside ourselves. And if we'll cut and polish those diamonds of potential with knowledge, skills, and habits and role models, We'll have a priceless external material reward rather than looking for it by some luck happenstance that we're going to meet somebody who's going to give it to us. I've always said then that Acres of Diamonds means you'll find that happiness lies right inside your eyes, right in the own backyard of your mind. There is a diamond mine in your diamond eyes. Mind. I think self-esteem is the most misunderstood, overpromoted concept in the world. It's true that self-esteem is a deep-down, inside-the-soul feeling of your own worth, regardless of your age, your ethnicity, your gender, and what you've done. And there's the problem. We tend to relate self-esteem with performance, and we believe that unless you perform, you're not worth anything. The problem is you can't perform unless you think you're worth the effort. So in order to perform, you have to feel deserving of the performance. If you don't feel you deserve to win, you won't put in the effort, you won't gain the education, you won't put in the work, you won't take the risks. So I think that performance is a reflection of value, not a measure of it. So winners deserve to win in advance, and there never was a winner who wasn't a beginner. And when you begin anything at all new and get out of your comfort zone, you're awkward, you're not good at what you do, and you tend to get discouraged because you're not as good as the high performers. But you must realize that every high performer was once a beginner, and they have to risk being a fool in the eyes of other people in order to take a risk. So I think that we've exaggerated self-esteem to be an arena mentality. And what has happened in sports and in celebrity is that every play that you make, you tend to run around and beat your chest and say, look what I've done. And the problem with that is we're not all going to be world-class champions. And to have to, if you will, demonstrate and applaud yourself for everything you do, you're sending the wrong message to children. Because children now believe that, hey, look at me. Let me get in your face. Children tend to think that if they're aggressive, loud, dressed in a certain way, and make a statement, that it's skin deep. And I think it all started with Muhammad Ali. And I say that in order to beat someone unconsciously into unconsciousness, you have to intimidate them into feeling That you're more powerful than they are. So you really do say, I'm going to beat you in the 3rd round and I'm going to tear you apart. And you act this way because you're a gladiator. The gladiators have ego because they're doing something that is physically dominating somebody else. Authentic self-esteem involves humility because you've got so much going for you, you can afford to be gracious and humble. The greatest superstars in every arena of life are engaging, open, warm, approachable. Why? Because they've got so much value, and they're so anxious and eager to share it with you. And they know that the fans have made them possible. So they sign more autographs, they stay longer, they help children, they set a good example in their lives. Authentic self-esteem is saying, I'm as good as the best, not necessarily better than the rest. And in fact, I've never met a person more successful than another, nor not better than another. A taxi driver to me is a transportation executive. A waitress is a food manager. And what everyone does, you know, a garbage collector is a maintenance of the cleanliness. Without a schoolteacher, we'd all be dumb. Without a janitor, there'd be a pile of trash. You know, without an astronaut, we wouldn't explore. Everyone has a magnificent role, and it's really the fact there are no small parts, only small actors who think that they're not playing the part of a celebrity. So I think the problem is this: if you have to show off, you're hiding a lightly valued self. If you have to show that you're rich, If you have to be loud and obnoxious and overly aggressive, you're really hiding the frightened child inside. But if you're open and warm and engaging and humble, you have every right to be that way because you've got so much going for you. You're just sharing it without giving up anything because you can never lose the value that you've got by sharing it with others. Well, it's been incredible in the past where you've got powerful leaders And they understand the secret that, you know, like attracts like and that those who have the knowledge have the power. And therefore, throughout history, there have been the power brokers and the constituents. And the constituents have been given just enough skills to earn their bread, but not enough knowledge and skills for them to run businesses, own businesses, be entrepreneurs, feel worthy, of the best. And I think, you know, you see some of the great people in the past, even like Michelangelo. Michelangelo had to see the David inside that flawed block of marble. He had to see it before he sculpted it, and then it manifested itself from this block of marble, but it was there in the beginning. And I think people don't understand that you have to see where you want to go. Now leaders know that because leaders have a clear vision of the future they want to create. And the reason people follow leaders is because the leaders seem to know better where they want to go than the people following them do. So people follow the leader's vision. You know, knowledge is like money. When you get knowledge, what good does it do you to have it unless you share it? Do you die with it? It's like a book on a shelf that nobody reads. If you have knowledge, by sharing it you haven't lost anything. You haven't given it up. When you earn a lot of money, what good does it do to collect it? Money should be utilized during your own lifetime to build more success for as many people as possible, and that is the good use of money. I've always wondered about the pharaohs in Egypt. They spent millenniums building monuments to their progress called the pyramids that could be seen from everywhere. And then, as selfish as they were, giving up thousands of lives who spent their entire life carving blocks of stone to build this monument to the pharaohs. The pharaohs then died and buried their slaves, their animals, and all their material wealth in this pyramid so that no one would get it so they could use it in the next life. But the joke was on them because you don't take material things forward. Material things should be utilized and spread during your lifetime. And what happened is the grave robbers got all the material things and the pyramids still stand, but they're not monuments to the pharaohs. They're just monuments to the thousands of people who built them for a false secret. Which was the edification of a monarch when it should be for the edification of people. You know, I have a real good take on leadership too. A promoter will tell you what you want to hear. A leader will help you find out what you need to know. A promoter will want you to love and respect them. A leader will want you to love and respect yourself. And a promoter will tell you what he or she's going to do for you. So you'll vote for them. And a real leader will tell you what you must do for yourself in order to actualize. And that's why it's so important that self-esteem truly is the non-material value that you internalize. Amen. We know anger, if you know, all the speakers use anger because it's one letter short of danger. So if you put a D in front of anger, you have danger. And anger is threatened value. When you're angry, it's you're threatened. You're threatened by something that somebody's going to do, some— but something that somebody said. And so angry people are upset because their values have been threatened. But what if your values are so internalized? What if they're so full of abundance and joy that what people say doesn't have that big of an impact on you? So in the programs that I teach, I say, what if someone comes up to you and says, You're a rotten, stinking, loud, obnoxious, hook-nosed, beaver-teeth, buzzard-beak, turtle-breath. I hate your religion. I hate your mother. I hate your country. I hate everything you stand for. What do you think of that? And I say, hmm, it's an interesting opinion. Considering where it's coming from, I'll accept it as a compliment, and I'm into a self-improvement program and need lots of encouragement. So I thank you very much for the feedback. And they say, well, I didn't mean it as a compliment. You say, I know, but I took it that way anyway, because, you know, it doesn't make so much difference what happens to you in life. It's how you take it and what you make of it that counts. No one has the authority to take away your self-esteem. No one has the right to take away your feeling about yourself. So if you allow them to do that by an angry statement, Or, if you will, a criticism. And I've always found that people who have the most problems are the most critical because they see you as being elevated above them and they want to cut your legs off and make you as small as they possibly can in your presence. You'll always find people then who find fault are desperately trying to knock you off a pedestal that they've put you on. And this happens all the time in the media. You know, you— if you see somebody who's successful, immediately you're trying to find out what's wrong with them so you can feel comfortable that you weren't as successful as they were. So we do tend to criticize people in high places because that way it makes us feel better if we know something bad about them. Well, I have my own take on happiness. You know, I've been around for quite a while and I figure that happiness is not something you can acquire. It's not something you can travel to or buy or live in or drive. Happiness is not a result. It's a way of traveling. And if the experience of happiness is not felt in the present tense, now, it'll probably never be experienced in the future. Because happiness does not come as a result of something. If it did, then something else would happen to make you unhappy, because life is a series of roller coaster events. And you can't predict events. But happiness is like brushing your teeth or Tying your shoe or learning how to drive. Once you get it, you just keep reinforcing it, and it doesn't happen if you make money, when the kids are grown, when we finish school, when the economy changes, when terrorism doesn't exist anymore. How can you be happy if there's terrorism? Well, you must be happy all the time because the happiness itself drives you toward your goals, keeps you healthy, and attracts you to you the same kind of people who are happy. That's why optimists hang around together and pessimists do as well. Well, just being alive is one of the greatest things of all, because to be given the gift of life is the greatest experience of all. Happy that I have my eyes, happy that I can walk, happy that I love the aroma of good food, happy that I love flowers, that I can hear music. Happiness for all the abundance. And I think and thank every day. And every time I get unhappy in the slightest, I visit a burn ward, a children's leukemia hospital, I go to an Alzheimer's ward. I'm able to either see people who have so many other problems than mine, greater, that it makes me very happy, or else I watch children playing, flying kites and laughing and giggling like I did when I was a child. And I said, wow. Look how happy they are because they haven't believed the evening news enough. They haven't wallowed in the bad news. You know, bad news sells, and the fire that burns another warms the general population in the fact they're glad they weren't the victim of the day. So people pass on bad news because then it justifies their own lack of productivity. Well, I think it's really important for any leader or any manager to, to have private meetings, and I know it seems difficult, but the More time you spend with people. Think about it. When you spend time with somebody, it shows them you care about them. In your own life, the time you spend with people is what they remember, not the money you spend on them. So spend as much time as you can asking other people what they're interested in and then listen, what they want in life, what their passions are, and then listen. And by listening in and showing interest in what other people want and care about, you've just bought a friend for life. You've hoarded goodwill. And think about your own life. Think about the people who have impressed you. They've been the ones who seem to have your own interests at heart rather than just their own. You know, in a world where there's no job security, in a world where you can't promise anyone tenure, or time in rank doesn't mean anything. When we're moving in fast forward, when the competition is globally, when you've got hungry immigrants with digital assistance, people are willing to do anything necessary to earn. You have to have passionate people who believe that you care about them at such a personal level that you really are part of a family. And I know it seems very difficult, but you must treat the people that work for you as equal team players. And you must ask them what they're going to do for the company. What kind of responsibilities do you see yourself having? What more would you like to do? Where do you see yourself going in the organization? Tell me about your own dreams. Because you can't give people assignments anymore, it's moving too fast. You can't come top-down, you really have to come from the bottom-up because the people closest to the customer are the lowest paid. So the problem solving is gonna come at a level where the employees who are not making the most money are perhaps making the greatest contribution because they're closest to the problems that are occurring. So if you go to McDonald's, for example, you sit around on Friday and you call it the big bad idea. All right, we're gonna have a big bad idea meeting. Now, if you were running this business, what would you do? Well, the first thing I'd do is give us all headsets and earphones so we can see what's being ordered. Then we put a digital clock in so we could keep people Moving faster from ordering to— we'd find out who's doing what on what shift. This is what I'd do if I were running it, but of course I'm not. And you say, that's what I want to hear. I want to hear what you would do if you were in our position without fear of recrimination or being stepped on. There is no such thing as a stupid question or a stupid comment. So what you want is to seek the advice by looking up to those beneath you. Look up to those beneath you and you'll create a company of giants. Look down on people, you'll create a company of dwarves. So you must raise the people underneath up to a giant level so they feel that they're important cogs in the wheel. Well, I guess a typical day in my life would be, first thing I do is wake up early because I know that the early bird gets the worm, but I like to wake up early and then I say, whew, Safe again. Let's go. So I like to wake up, and I wake up happy because I always wake up happy. And my kids say, "Dad, just eat your cereal." I said, "No, it's another great day. Are you kidding? I'm I'm really fortunate to be alive, and it's going to be." And they say, "Well, look at the weather." And I said, "The weather does not determine the day. The day is determined by the sign on that you have and the sign off that you have." So I sign on the day. With upbeat music, feeling good about life and myself, and I say, what am I going to do today to get closer to my own goals and help people get closer to theirs? What can I make of this day? And thanks for another one. And then, of course, I try to eat things that will extend my life rather than shorten it. When you stop to think about it, why would you deliberately do anything that would shorten your life if you have good self-esteem? If you don't have good self-esteem, just do anything. Hurt yourself if you want. But if you have good self-esteem— so I watch what I eat in the morning. I work out a little bit because I like to get the juices flowing a little bit. So usually I, I do a little workout in the morning. And then I have either written down the night before, or if I didn't write it down the night before, I usually plan the day the day before. And I plan the week, the week before, and I write down in one place all the things that I plan on doing. And I do have my to-do list: to do today, to do as soon as possible, to do later. And I put them down in A, B, and C. A, action. B, before tomorrow. And C, can wait. So I do an ABC list of what I'm going to do, and I try to check it off, realizing that something's going to come up. For me to be a fireman, solving a problem of the day rather than always keeping on my list. But I always go back to the list of things that I want to do with this day that are very important, because I think it's important to write down what you really want to accomplish because there are so many distractions in life. And then I get into my upbeat. Everyone I meet, I say good morning. I always— in an elevator, I always stand and look at everyone rather than the numbers. And rather than watch the floors come down, I look at them and say, hi, what's happening? How's everyone? They go, oh no, you know, he just got fired, or, you know, what does he want? And I say good morning to everyone and I smile at everyone, and they either think that something's wrong with me, or they think that they know me, or they say, do I know you? So I act as if I almost know everybody and I'm saying good morning. I find I get a better response when I'm nice and engaging with everyone. The other thing I do is I usually now plan for contingencies, which means that I never want to arrive at an appointment making an excuse. So what I always do is if I am going to be late, I will always call before and say, I am going to be late. There's a traffic jam, the road's out, the The traffic lights are out, there's a long freight train, we didn't allow quite enough time, and I'm going to be late. That way I don't have to walk in and say, I am sorry I'm late. I never want to make excuses after the fact. I want to project myself as someone who is prepared. When things start to go wrong in my life, I begin to talk to myself, and I know everyone does that. But when I talk to myself, it's not with profanities anymore. I talk to myself with all due respect because when the mind talks, the body listens and acts accordingly. So I'm my best coach and friend and cheerleader. So when things aren't going right, I say, come on, Dennis, let's get on it now. You're better than that. You're better than that action now. Bad seeds, stop right now. Stop. I know what you're thinking. I know what's beginning to creep into your mentality, but you're not like this and you know better. So let's get moving. Let's get going. Let's get back on track. I'm always saying that to myself, back on track. Let's go. That's better. Now you're getting somewhere. As if I were coaching a new Olympian or somebody just trying out for a part, I'm coaching myself into that. I try to I go into meetings always not with my own agenda, but with immediately trying to establish and find out what the other person's agenda is. And then hopefully being able to help that person accomplish what they came to the meeting for, reasoning if I help them get what they want, I know that they'll be more likely to give me what I want. So I usually always try to help people get what they want before I go for what I want. In every phone call. The other thing I've learned to do is I always, in every telephone call, give my own name immediately before I ask for anyone I want to speak to. That establishes the fact that I know who I am, that I'm offering you some value, and that should register with you. Because I'm tired of being screened out by people who say, who's calling? Because if you don't say who you are, then they know you're not important enough to have stated it up front. I'm always the first to introduce myself, and I'm learning how to extend my hand and my eyes directly into theirs and look at them when I'm talking and look at them when they're speaking to establish an exchange of value. I'm learning how to sit up front in meetings. After all, don't I want to have the best seat in the house, and don't I want to ask a question if the speaker is there? Don't I want to be the one to learn? If I sit in the back, it's like being in school or church. I can sneak out of the sermon if it's too monotonous. I sit up front and I always dress my best, not necessarily designer, but I really believe that you project immediately the first impression. That's why the eyes, the handshake, the smile, the light, the friendliness, the offering, an extension of your name, the repeating of the other person's name when you meet them. And always on the telephone, as I say, even at home, I answer the phone with my own name. My children think I'm absolutely crazy. I say, hello, Dennis Whateley. They say, we know, Dad, just want to see if you still live here. Why do you answer with your name? I said, because I want them to know that I'm there available for service, and I want them to know that it's me and not say, excuse me, who is this? So you give your name and you project yourself. And I think Cleanliness is very important too. If you say a typical day for me, I believe in dressing for the part. So I like to— even if I'm not going to business, I may wear casual clothes, but they'll be clean and fresh and I'll be ready. And I usually believe in dressing a little better than I might be expected to, because I've learned if I'm ever going to give a talk, I should be the the one dressed rather than wearing shorts and a shirt. Even on a cruise ship, I wear my suit and they say, you're really weird. Why wouldn't you dress in shorts? And I said, no, you're the ones on vacation. I'm the one that's supposed to be— that you're looking to for value and wisdom here. So I want to be expecting, sort of like Bob Hope in a way, having the persona of somebody in authority. It happens that I begin to get the feeling of being upset, begin to get the feeling, I stop it almost immediately. And I do that by listening to beautiful music, by either listening to CDs or cassettes that are very upbeat in nature. And I always listen to upbeat and positive music. I rarely in the morning listen to the negative news because I don't want to get the wrong start in the day. Probably the most important thing is, in addition to signing on the day, I really have learned how to sign off. When I sign off the day, no matter what has happened to me, I always thank and am grateful for the privilege of having this day, and I find something good to sleep on. I've learned to go to sleep Not sad, not upset, not unhappy, but to go to sleep happy because it helps me. And I control my dreams too, believe it or not. When I have a nightmare and I wake up, I say, you know, that's not like you. Let's rewrite that scenario. And as we go back to sleep, let's have it turn out differently. And unbelievably, I have found that I've been able to implant into my subconscious a better dream than I was just having. And that's why when I go to sleep at night, I say, thanks for the great day. I'm gonna have a great night's sleep. And by the way, I love you. We live in a fast-forward world with more changes in one of our days than in a decade or more of our grandparents' lives. You and others in your region are at the center of what is being transformed into the greatest economic and geopolitical power base for the foreseeable future. This metamorphosis is one of the most awesome examples of human ingenuity and perseverance in recorded history. You have both the opportunity and responsibility to create a harvest of abundance and fulfillment for your families and generations to follow. It is up to you. There's a Chinese fable about a wise man who lived outside a large village. And every Saturday he would come into the main square, and the villagers would surround him to be healed or to gain words of wisdom, which the wise man had been doing for years. There also lived nearby a young, ambitious man who was jealous of the wise one and resented his popularity. The young man had a plan to embarrass the wise one. He would come into the village square with a dove tucked inside his hands. and ask the old man if he knew what was in his hands. If the old man guessed correctly, he would ask another question: Is the dove alive or dead? If he said it was alive, the young man would push his hands together and break the dove's neck. And if he said it was dead, he would simply open his hands and allow the dove to fly into the sky. So with his plan in place, the young man set off toward the village square in the mid-afternoon at the busiest time of the day. As he approached the old man, the wise one was busy assisting people with different problems and offering words of wisdom. The young man confronted the wise one and, speaking so everyone could hear, he said, Hey, old man, I have a question for you. The wise man turned and smiled. Yes, of course. What is it? The crowd, sensing something of a showdown, moved in closer. The young man continued, My question to you is, what do I hold in my hands? The wise one smiled and said, Well, that's easy. You have a beautiful dove in your hands. The young man chuckled, Well, can you tell me if it is dead or alive? The wise man paused, reflected, yet hesitated to answer. The young man, relishing his apparent checkmate, retorted, Well, old man, You seem to be at a loss for words. The villagers were silent with anticipation as tension filled the hot afternoon air. The young man, sensing victory, shouted, For years and years you've had an answer for everything. What about now, old man? What about now? With this last statement, the wise man gave his trademark smile and replied in his steady, friendly manner, Young man, The fate of that lovely dove is in your hands. And so it is with change in your life. It's up to you. There are only 2 choices facing leaders today and in the future. You must become change masters or become obsolete as change victims. Today in the knowledge-based world where change is the rule, a set of personal strategies is essential to success, even survival. Never again will you be able to go to your place of business on autopilot, comfortable and secure that the organization will provide for and look after you. Each of us must be willing to stand out while fitting into society. We must be team leaders, not just team members. We can no longer say, why don't they do something? We must say instead, here's what I'm going to do to solve the problem By thinking globally and acting locally. In order to gain respect of others, we must first earn it. We must be respectable. In order to be a role model, we must first set a positive example. In order to lead others, we must first lead ourselves. You must look in the mirror when you ask who's responsible for your success or failure. You must become a lifelong learner and leader. For to be a follower is to fall hopelessly behind the pace of progress. What worked yesterday won't work today. Why? Yesterday, natural resources defined power. Today, knowledge is power. Yesterday, leaders commanded and controlled. Today, leaders empower and coach. Yesterday, leaders demanded respect. Today, leaders encourage self-respect. Yesterday employees took orders. Today leaders make decisions with teams. Yesterday value was extra. Today value is everything. Yesterday profits were earned through expediency. Today profits are earned with integrity. The culture of the national and multinational corporation is changing dramatically. Companies that cling to the old ways and attitudes are doomed to extinction. The old corporate culture— maximum short-term return on invested capital for shareholders, with replaceable employees, expedient methods, environmental waste, aging factories, assembly line production, central line authority, managing one-on-one— are gone. The new corporate culture— to meet ever-increasing customer demands in rapidly changing world markets with highest quality products and services, through educated, dedicated, skilled, performance-compensated teams who transmit their core excellence and their value in their contribution, resulting in maximum long-term return on invested capital for shareholders. As employees, which most of us are, we have but 2 choices today: to be a team leader of a winning team or face being cut. Because employers too have 2 choices: Empower the few who will be their new team leaders, or see their top producers exercise their free agent rights and join another team that does have the vision, culture, synergy, and leadership to win. A team, in short, that has embraced the new culture, the new employee paradigm: autonomy and empowerment, minimal supervision, maximum training, Meaningful work in environmentally safe places with a mission to help society. A career path upward, the opportunity to grow and move up the ladder in the company. Incentives and compensation based on performance standards. And a flexible schedule with consideration of family and cultural pursuits. And also a team leader able to be a standout while remaining A team player. Most of us believed that the computer would give us more time for leisure and personal pursuits. More significantly, however, the computer has brought us competition from everywhere in the world, competition of a global order. Factories in America and Europe are rusting as foreign competitors dominate one industry after another, from machine tools to motorcycles, from consumer electronics to steel. The eventual outcome of this global economic restructuring is anything but clear. But what is clear is the force behind the competition: the inexorable yearning of people throughout the world to improve their own standard of living. They too want a seat at the banquet table, together with cars, vacations, and comfortable, well-equipped condominiums, apartments, and houses. Consider the computer's impact. Designed as a tool for managing complexity, it also adds complexity, just as new freeways add more traffic. The computer enables us to sort, store, and retrieve material with ever-increasing speed, but the faster data can be analyzed, the faster decisions can be expected, and the greater the pressure to reach them. And the computer's efficiency is hardly lost on our competitors. They install, program, and use them to produce goods and services of the same quality as ours for far less money. Thus, the competitive edge will belong not to those who use computers, but to those who know how to inspire more productivity and excellence from each individual. We're well into a new century of unprecedented human growth and development. We must reexamine and reevaluate the way we think, the way we respond to life's daily challenges, In what will be a time of even more astonishing change, the new leaders in these new decades will welcome change rather than try to resist it. They will have learned how to make change work for them rather than against them, and they will have developed unique strategies and skills that enable them to create opportunities from challenges. The new leaders actually benefit from change, some of which they create themselves. Like surfers, they ride the waves, using their power to take them where they want to go. Rather than trying to resist change, they seek harmony with it. In response to rapid change, the new change masters introduce it in the form of new methods that increase effectiveness and efficiency, create new products and new services, lower costs, and encourage ideas to enhance productivity. They learn how, why, and where things are changing so they can exploit the possibilities. Instead of fighting for market share, they create new markets. They respond to global competition by determining what they're best at and then doing it. Knowledge portability is a term you'll hear often in the future. It's shorthand for saying that the geographic boundaries to knowledge have been erased. The computer and telecommunications, with smartphones and tablets, have made possible instant information access throughout the world, and therefore anything of high quality can be made anywhere. Companies are restructuring, relocating, and re-engineering to eliminate their own boundaries and hierarchies, and so too must individuals reinvent themselves in order to adapt to a fast-forward world in which Shanghai is only seconds in communication from New York and Washington is no further from Beijing. One CEO put it very bluntly: unless we manage change, we're going to change management. Chinese philosopher Laozi advised us that to know others takes intelligence, but to know myself takes wisdom. We all yearn to shape our own lives fashion our own destinies, but most of us find ourselves in the same dilemma from our teens. How do we really want to spend our days? What choices should we make? What can we do that will fill our lives with meaning and bring us the adventure and rewards that we seek? How do we know we've chosen the right career and the proper goals? Who should be our role models now? The acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong experience. Not a collection of facts or skills. Not long ago, what you learned in school was largely all you needed to learn. You could rely on that knowledge for the rest of your life. With knowledge expanding exponentially, this is no longer true. Hundreds of scientific papers are published daily. Every 30 seconds, some new technological company produces yet another innovation. Your formal education has a very short shelf life. Thus, lifelong learning means far more than formal classroom knowledge. In a world in which working with people is essential, it also means deepening your understanding of yourself and others. A shared belief emerged from a recent roundtable discussion among a group of innovative multinational business leaders. All the leaders, while innovating in their business lives, were doing the same in other spheres of their lives. They agreed that their subordinates' executive growth depended on personal growth, and that those who believed that they had completed their education were on a fast track to personal obsolescence. Lifelong learning, once a luxury for the few, has become absolutely vital to continued success. But while there are dangers in trying to become a leader without thoroughly knowing your field, There also are dangers in thinking of yourself as an expert, especially the danger of losing your sense of wonder. Leaders who continue learning throughout their lives never forget that they always have more to learn. Although their knowledge and experience may have made them teachers, they can continue to think of themselves as students. The most compelling reason to avoid thinking like an expert, even while continuing to acquire your expertise, is that your assumptions may damage your ability to generate and work with new ideas in a fast-forward world in which the only rule is change. Although change is the rule, you must not let change be your ruler. You must tap into the knowledge and experience of everyone in your organization. Some of the youngest and lowest-paid employees have ideas that can increase the efficiency and effectiveness of your enterprise. And some of the older veterans who are seldom called upon to voice their opinions on productivity have experienced virtually every type of business challenge at some point in their careers. By challenging your own assumptions and being open to ideas and suggestions available from a variety of human resources within your sphere of influence, you'll join the ranks of the successful leaders who will own The future. They are the Change Masters. If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there. And if you don't know where you are, no decision can move you intelligently toward a goal or purpose. Knowing where you stand in your profession and industry is critical to becoming a Change Master in the Global Knowledge Era. Belief systems are at the root of all resistance to change and produce virtually every conflict as well as every creative invention, innovation, and solution to problems resulting from dramatic change. Effective management of change always begins at the individual level as an inner force that compels behavior and then projects itself externally. Today's victories don't mean a thing tomorrow. You enjoy them, you relish them, but tomorrow comes, always offering a new challenge. So achievement then is a process, not a status, and the road to success is always under construction. To live without limitations and set yourself free, you need to understand that there are 2 definitions. First, there are physical limits. We're born with those. I won't compete in the Olympic Games and I won't become President of the United States. You know why? I'm not prepared. I didn't go through the training. So I'm limited in the sense that I don't have the physical characteristics, experience, or the time now to do certain things. And so I have to figure out what my limits are. Our physical limits are genetics, early environment, past experience, and age. We all have those, and we need to understand them. This program is about the desire for change and dissatisfaction with the status quo. I like where I am, But I see where I could go, and I want to be there. But how far and how high can I go? What are my limitations psychologically? Limits are physical barriers. Limitations are psychological boundaries. I assert to you that you'll never reach your physical limits because of your psychological limitations. Over time, we all learn to lower or raise our expectations of ourselves based upon our environments and experiences. Successes give us confidence. Disappointments and failures become thorny reminders that history is bound to repeat itself. When I was a boy, I used to enjoy going to the local county fair to see the flea circus. That was always a hit with me and my friends. I couldn't comprehend at first how those tiny fleas could be trained to hop and jump around on miniature trampolines, trapezes, and, and not leap out of their little arenas that had no ceilings. I found out from the man that put on the show that for a couple of weeks he kept the fleas in a cardboard shoebox with a lid on it with pinpricked holes so the fleas could breathe. Fleas normally can jump to a height of several feet. However, the flea circus fleas continually hit the box lid and soon learned that 6 inches was their maximum limit. When the lid was removed, because they had been trained to lower their expectations through frustration, They didn't even attempt to jump out of their circus arena, which would have been no problem. We humans certainly are more intelligent than fleas. However, behavior patterns seem to be consistent no matter the species. First, we observe role models. We imitate their behavior. Through repetition, the imitation becomes habitual, like brushing our teeth or driving our cars. If the feedback is negative and painful, We reinforce our failed attempts and settle for mediocrity rather than face future challenges and possible setbacks. If the feedback is positive and accepted as target correction, we are motivated to try a different approach and keep reaching for our highest aspirations. Subconscious reflections of past mistakes, fears of future failures, and fears of the unknown tend to act as ceilings or lids on our achievements. But here's the good news. While visiting SeaWorld many times with my grandchildren in my hometown of San Diego, California, my grandkids were amazed to see 4-ton killer whales jumping in formation out of the water and over a rope positioned 10 feet above the surface. We learned from the trainers that they begin by placing a rope on the bottom of the pool And rewarding the orcas with mackerel and tuna when they pass over it. Incrementally, the rope is raised until it is completely out of the water, and the killer whale is motivated by rewards to jump out of the water to cross over the rope. Just as the whales are encouraged through positive reinforcement, people also respond to rewards, appreciation, recognition, and praise. Unlike animals, however, we humans have the power to choose and to control to a large degree the conditioning of our present and future lives. I've decided to change by removing my limitations and seeking the outer limits of my inner potential and past conditioning. The way I was as a child layered with the way I was 5, 10, maybe 15 years ago equals my present behavior. You see, you condition yourself and then you behave accordingly. The interesting thing, because past conditioning determines present decisions, is that you never make a decision based upon what's happening right now. You base your decision on what happened before, the way it was, the way it used to be, and you're likely to experience the same thing again. So past conditioning equals present performance. That's why Olympic athletes practice under a coach's watchful eyes and then they perform based upon their training. Well, how do you change? Interestingly enough, it isn't that present inputs determine future behavior. Oh, I wish it were. I wish you could go to a seminar and then just say, I got it, I changed. You see, you get stimulated in the present, but your subconscious computer memory— and if you're about 40 years old, is almost 350,000 hours of past conditioning. So you go to a meeting for an hour. Everyone got the new input? Have we all agreed to change? Could anyone presume that a pep talk could change somebody? Pep talks wear off. People go back to being themselves. That's why this ongoing Change Masters Program is so important. It's a training and tracking system for everyday living. Therefore, you look at your past conditioning and you realize you've been limited, and you begin to perceive yourself as a person who's psychologically been limiting yourself. And you use present inputs to layer on top of the past conditioning, and you change the future behavior and performance accordingly. Therefore, it's very important what we think about and practice over and over again. And it's most important that we view ourselves as being self-limiting by our thinking and training Instead of physically limited. Most people feel like thermometers. A thermometer rises or falls to meet the external environment. It's controlled by outside circumstances. The majority of the population's self-images are controlled by society's external standards. Our self-image is a total picture of who we think we are, and the camera starts rolling the minute we achieve that first conscious realization that we're living, functioning beings. The camera— our brain— takes pictures fast and furiously throughout life, and every shot is tucked away in a memory file of limitless capacity. This subjective sense of who we think ourselves to be governs all of our actions and controls our destiny. How we feel about ourselves, how we rate our ability to hang in there, to survive and win, and all that we will ever do or aspire to be is based on our time-reinforced self-image. Unfortunately, once an idea or belief becomes a perception, it becomes a truth for our self-image. Each link we add to the growing chain of self-images may either strengthen or shackle our lives more tightly. Control is in our hands. We can't outgrow the limitations we place on ourselves through faulty self-imaging, but we can set newer and higher standards. We can reset our self-image like an internal thermostat— from low to high self-esteem, from loser to winner, and from victim of change to victor over change— a change master. Each of us has a number of comfort zones or settings that we've developed throughout our lives that dictate the amount of discomfort that we're willing to suffer before we make adjustments. Our self-image is very definitely a thermostat keeping us in a psychological comfort zone. Benchmarking was originally a surveyor's term referring to a point of reference. A good definition as it applies to a business or organization is the search for industry's best practices that lead to superior performance. The idea is to use the best to become the best. Benchmarking, in other words, is looking at yourself from the inside, assessing your own unique talents and skills, seeking out the best in your field, and putting those examples to work for you. For example, competing in the Olympic Games is not simply to win a medal. The real meaning behind being an Olympian is to develop yourself to the highest level of performance in your field. and then comparing that performance to world-class standards of excellence. Looking at contemporaries in completely different fields gives a fuller view of who's currently the best and who might be so tomorrow and why. These questions know no occupational or geographic boundaries. There was a requirement that every Singapore CEO was to go through the flight attendant and service programs of government-owned Singapore Airlines. one of the world's most successful and profitable companies. Enhancement of CEO performance in Singapore, one of the world's most productive countries for decades, is no accident. Benchmarking shouldn't be based only on our assessment of ourselves and counterparts in other successful companies. We can also learn from those above and below us. It's also no accident that the members of the top management staffs of the major hotel chains have been taking training in bell service, valet parking, front desk, housekeeping, and concierge services. If you want to become or stay the best, you must know more than what your competitors are up to. You must know the best business practices wherever they exist. Apple has continued to lead all industries in continuing to question what the next consumer demand will be for its emerging technologies and then meeting or exceeding those expectations with products including new versions of the iPhone and iPad. For individual benchmarking, it's important to choose leaders with the new leadership philosophy and the new employee paradigm. Jack Welch, former chairman of the General Electric Company, stressed that the practice is for pinpointing where you sit now, not where you wish or hope to be, It's locating where you actually are and where you need to be 5 years hence, as well as realistically assessing the chances of getting from here to there. This requires a clear picture of your strengths, your weaknesses, and desired destination, which in turn requires a clear perspective on your life. Knowledge of your attributes, abilities, interests, strengths, weaknesses, and traits is essential to becoming proactive in career choice, And career change. Where to begin your personal benchmarking? What we love and do well as children continues to shape our lives as adults. So an excellent benchmarking exercise is to spend time with key team members in your organization or family and dust off your childhood memories. Let yourself go. Remember what you really wanted to do as a child. The next step in assessing your interest is considering your current ones. What do you most enjoy after work? What do you most want to do on weekends and vacations? What are your hobbies, your extracurricular activities, your favorite kinds of books? Examination of your avocational interests might reveal a gem of potential that you can apply to your vocation. We strongly suggest that you don't unthinkingly relegate what you love to do for yourself solely to hobbies. You might make it, or at least integrate it, into your life's work. Next comes an assessment of your natural gifts. After many years of observation, we're still surprised by how few people try to make a connection between what they're good at and what they do. In this module, you'll be assessing your own natural talents through an exercise that we call the Circle of Multiple Intelligences. Virtually all individuals have at least 3 to 5 major talents, and many have more. It's important to note that all of your talents are present at birth. You'll gain knowledge, attitudes, skills, and habits throughout your life. However, you'll not receive or develop more talent. Our careers are a blend of natural abilities, environmental modeling, acquired skills, and experience. Many times our careers hinge heavily On the economic requirements at pivotal age and family considerations. If we're to develop our lives along the path of greatest wisdom, however, we should give serious thought to discovering our inherent abilities as early as possible. Talents and personality traits come naturally at birth. Behavior patterns and habits are learned by observation, imitation, and repetition. In all the best research, Involving high-performance executives in nearly every field and job description, from technical to sales, from top management to hourly workers, combined with a database working with Olympic athletes, coaches, and professional teams, we've learned that certain core behavioral traits generally define the high achiever and leader. Probability for success is marginal without high scores in ambition, Self-confidence, and mental toughness. Candidates who score low on any of these 3 traits, or whose tests show a lack of self-control or flexibility, may require careful screening or special training to predict their probable impact on performance. We often ask our seminar participants to visualize an ideal day for themselves 5 years hence. Where will they be living? How will their day begin? How are they traveling? Where are they going? What kind of work are they doing? In what position and with what income? Who are their friends? What moments of the day give them the most satisfaction? What do they do purely for fun? Let your imagination go. Let it take you to the question of what you really want from your life. Do you want more love? Greater wealth? To be thinner, more attractive, healthier? To break into an entirely new field, to make a significant contribution to society. With this in mind, ask yourself whether what you're doing now is what you feel you should be doing. Certainly it's providing you with an income, but is it advancing you toward where you really want to be? If you haven't determined that, you should be exploring not vaguely, but on a daily basis using some of the measurements that we've suggested here. Even if you're reasonably satisfied, asking such questions can increase your self-awareness. And if you do know what you really want to do and it involves changes, ask whether you're acting to make your dream a reality. Change masters know who they are, where they are today, and what and where they want to be tomorrow. And they get there. Change Masters do not blame past conditioning or circumstances for their actions. Their decisions are results of their own choices, based on core values and knowledge. Our actions cause consequences. To every action, as Sir Isaac Newton observed, there is always opposed an equal reaction. Good begets good and evil leads to more evil. This is one of the universe's eternal fundamental truths. The law of cause and effect. It means that every cause will create an effect approximately equal in intensity. Making good use of our minds, skills, and talents will bring positive rewards in our outer lives. Assuming the personal responsibility to make the best use of our talents and time will result in an enormous gain in happiness, success, and wealth. This is true of everyone. However, scarcely one person in a thousand puts his or her time to anywhere near its potential good use. Most of us fritter away much of our lives watching the game from the sidelines. Nor is there any ultimate advantage in taking praise or rewards away from others. Every time we think we can cheat our boss, fellow workers, friends and family members, or peers, we hurt ourselves most of all. Every less-than-properly responsible act toward others slashes most deeply into our own opportunity to grow and prosper. The truly successful leaders— those who have built financial empires or accomplished great deeds for society— are those who have been taking personal responsibility to heart and to soul. By being true to themselves and others, they achieve success wealth, and inner happiness. And in the end, we ourselves, far more than any outsider, are the people with the greatest ability to steal our own time, talents, and accomplishments. In a very real sense, we all become hostages of hundreds of restrictions of our own choosing. As children, we either accepted or rejected the teachings and lifestyles of the significant adults in our lives. As the father of 6 children, 4 by birth and 2 by adoption, I know from experience that the greatest gifts that parents can give their children and that managers can give their employees are roots and wings— roots of responsibility and wings of independence. And when those roots and wings are missing, the results are very disturbing, even tragic. In my parenting and leadership seminars, I tell a true story about a young couple who invited me to their home for dinner some time ago after an all-day program at a university. And this man and woman were both highly intelligent with advanced degrees, but they'd opted for a child-centered home so that their 5-year-old son Bradford would have everything at his disposal to become a winner out there in the competitive world. When I arrived at their driveway in front of a fashionable 2-story home, I should have known what was in store for me. I stepped on one of his many scattered toys getting out of the car and was greeted by, Watch where you're walking, mister, or you'll have to buy me new ones. Entering the front door, I instantly discovered that this was Bradford's place, not his parents'. The furnishings, it appeared, were originally of fine quality before their son practiced his demolition skills on them. We attempted to have a cup of tea in the family room, But Bradford was busy ruining his new video game controls. Trying to find a place to sit down was like hopping on one foot through a minefield blindfolded. Bradford was the first to be served with food in the living room so that he wouldn't be lonely. I nearly dropped my hot cup of tea in surprise when they brought out a high chair that was designed like an aircraft ejection seat with 4 legs and straps. He was 5 years old and had to be strapped in a high chair to get through one meal. How soon I wished it had been a real aircraft ejection seat! As we started our salads, young Bradford dumped his dinner on the carpet and proceeded to pour his milk on top of it to ensure that the peas and carrots would go deep into the shag fibers. His mother entreated, Brad, honey, don't do that. Mommy wants you to grow up strong and healthy like Daddy. I'll get you some more dinner while Daddy cleans it up. While they were occupied with their chores, Bradford had unfastened his seatbelt, scrambled down from his perch, and joined me in the dining room, helping himself to my olives. I think you should wait for your own dinner, I said politely, removing his hand from my salad bowl. He swung his leg up to kick me in the knee, but my old ex-pilot reflexes didn't fail me. And I crossed my legs so quickly that he missed, came off his feet, and came down hard on the floor on the seat of his pants. Well, you'd have thought he was at the dentist's office. He screamed and ran to his mother sobbing, He hit me! When his parents asked what had happened, I calmly informed them that he had fallen accidentally and that besides, I'd never hit the head of a household. I knew it was time to be on my way when they put their little prince to bed. by placing granola cookies on the stairs as enticers, and he ate his way up to bed. How are you ever going to motivate him to go to school? I asked quietly. Oh, I'm sure we'll come up with something, they laughed. Yes, but what if the neighborhood dogs eat what you put out? He'll lose his way just like Hansel and Gretel. The couple didn't find that humorous, and they never invited me back. As a traveling lecturer, I see many children throughout the world who are in charge of their parents, and I also observe many teenagers and adults who, as a result of overly permissive or overly strict leadership at home, are out of control. Life's greatest risk is being spoiled or pampered and then feeling entitled to depend on others for your security, which can really come only by planning, acting, and making choices that will make you independent. Leadership ideas that solve problems and create opportunity come from creative trial-and-error thinking. Years of study and some painful personal experiences have convinced us that the fear of the cost of success are among the reasons that prejudiced people resist change. For success does have its price, including taking responsibility for giving up bad habits and invalid assumptions, Taking responsibility for setting an example in our own lives, distancing ourselves from a peer group that isn't helping us succeed and therefore tends or wants to hold us back, leading ourselves and others down a new and unfamiliar path, and working more to reach a goal and being willing to delay gratification along the way, being willing to face criticism and jealousy from people who would like to keep us stuck in place with them. These are among the perceived costs of success that prompt people to escape from their present by occupying their minds with past memories or future expectations. Leaders, by contrast, are not dismayed by the costs of success. They get started and build positive momentum, determined to pursue their potential. They look forward to an endless dialogue between their talents and the claims of life. Just as companies must dissolve their boundaries, and erased their hierarchies, so must you, the individual, reinvent yourself to meet the knowledge era's changing demands. What this means is that you're your own chief executive officer. So start thinking of yourself as a service company with a single employee. You're a small company, very small, but that doesn't matter. That puts your services to work for a larger company. Tomorrow you may sell those services to a different organization. But that doesn't mean you're any less loyal to your current employer. The first step is resolving not to suffer the fate of those who lost their jobs and found their skills were obsolete. And the second is to begin immediately the process of protecting yourself against that possibility by becoming proactive instead of reactive. So ask yourself how vulnerable you are and what you can do about it. What trends must I watch? What information must I gain? What knowledge do I lack? Think of yourself as a company— for this purpose, a research and development company— and establish your own strategic planning department. Set up a training department and make sure your top employee is updating his or her skills. Start your own investment plan, knowing that you're responsible for your own financial security. You're your own CEO who must have the vision to set your goals and allocate your resources. Since your primary concern is ensuring your viability in the marketplace, you must think strategically in every decision. This mindset of being responsible for your own future used to be crucial only for the self-employed, but has become essential for us all. For today's typical workers are no longer one-career people. Most will have several separate careers in their lifetimes. But although you must become your own life CEO and always act as if you were a company of one, being a team leader is equally important for your future. It's no longer possible to achieve alone in our world of accelerating change, where the new global village has become the local neighborhood. Rather than become dependent on others, however, we should become interdependent, treating everyone we meet as a potential customer, Someone with whom we may develop a strategic alliance in the future. Although many things in life are beyond anyone's control, you do have a great deal of control— more than most of us are willing to acknowledge— over many of the circumstances and conditions. Here are some of the most important. You can control what you do with most of your free time during the day and the evening. You can control your concepts, and imagination channeling what you think about. You can control who you choose as role models and who you seek out for mentoring, counsel, and inspiration. You can control who you spend your leisure time with and, to a great degree, with whom you communicate. You can control your tongue. You can choose to remain silent or choose to speak. If you choose to speak, you can choose your words and your tone of voice. You can control the causes to which you give your time and goals, and this is what we call the purpose behind the purpose. You can control your concerns and worries and whether you'll choose to take action about them, as well as your response to difficult times and people. You can control your commitments— the things you absolutely promise yourself and others that you'll do. Here are some action steps. To help you gain more personal responsibility in your business and personal life, carry this affirmative motto with you: My rewards in life will reflect my service and contribution. Set your own standards rather than comparing yourself to others. Successful people know they must compete with themselves, not with others. They run their own races. Use another motto for your self-analysis: Life is a do-it-yourself project. When your subordinates or teammates bring you a problem, first ask them what they think they should do and what should be done to resolve it. Be certain to assign responsibility for the solution and follow-through to the subordinate or team member. Resist taking the easy way out by doing it for them. Let your teammates, subordinates, and your children make mistakes without fear of punishment or rejection. Show them that mistakes are learning devices that become stepping stones to success. And break your daily and weekly routine. Get out of your comfortable rut. Unplug the TV for a month. Take a different route or different mode of transportation to work. Have lunch with people in totally different industries and read publications in totally different fields than your current one. Your discipline and tolerance for sacrifice, Gives you an enormous social and financial force. Asian workers save an estimated 20% of their spendable income, nearly quadruple the percentage of American savings. One major cause of America's problems is the irresponsible obsession with immediate sensual gratification. We want love without commitment. We want benefit packages without productivity requirements. Increasingly, we want children who demand little more from us in the way of leadership than our pets do. This is narcissism in action. Self-determination, sacrifice, and effort— the attitudes and resolve that truly made America so prosperous and attractive— are increasingly unacceptable to many. If it feels good now, just do it. We feel entitled to success Simply because we live in America. To achieve emotional security, each of us must develop 2 crucial abilities: the ability to live with change and uncertainty and the ability to delay immediate gratification for the sake of long-term goals. I've learned to take more personal responsibility for my choices in life by practicing the simple urgings in the Serenity Prayer. By Reinhold Niebuhr. God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This means that I accept the unchangeable, which is everything that has already happened. That's history and cannot be changed. So I harbor my pleasant memories, and I gain perspective from the problems in my past. My only control is to change the changeable, which is my response to what has happened and my decisions in this present moment in time. Becoming a change master is to accept with serenity what has happened and courageously taking positive action in the here and now. Core values radiate like rings, as when a leaf falls in a pond. The self-centered constantly seek approval from and power over others. They try to impress them with their worth rather than express concern for others' well-being, and their outward appearances usually involve ways to hide their real thoughts and intentions. The value-centered give of themselves freely and graciously, constantly seeking to empower others. Open and modest, they have no need for conceit which is the opposite of core value. Feeling good about who they are and not needing to talk about their victories or line their walls with celebrity photos, people with core values spend much of their time paying value, as I call it, to others. When praised, they share the spotlight. When they make mistakes, they view them as learning experiences and accept responsibility. Core values are like diamonds. very rare and almost impossible to destroy. One of my favorite stories is from the famous lecture by Russell Conwell, one of America's pioneering motivational speakers. Perhaps you've heard it before: Acres of Diamonds. Not far from the River Indus, there once lived a Persian farmer by the name of Ali Hafed who owned a large farm with orchards, grain fields, and gardens. He was a wealthy, contented man— contented because he was wealthy and wealthy because he was contented. One day he was visited by an ancient priest, a wise man from the East. The priest sat by the fire and told Ali Hafed how our world was made. He said the Almighty thrust a finger into the fog and slowly turned it around and around, increasing the speed until it gradually became a ball of fire. And then he said, the ball of fire rolled through the universe, burning its way through other cosmic banks of fog and condensing the moisture until it fell in floods of rain upon its surface, which cooled the outer crust. And when the melted mass burst out and very quickly cooled, it became granite. That which cooled less quickly became silver, and even less quickly, gold. And diamonds, said the ancient priest, diamonds are the congealed drops of sunlight. Declaring diamonds the highest of God's mineral creations, the priest said that one stone the size of Ali Hafed's thumb could purchase the whole country, and if Ali Hafed had a mine of diamonds, he could place his children on the thrones of countries throughout the world. Ali Hafed went to bed that night a poor man. Poor because he was discontented, and discontented because he thought he was poor. I want a diamond mine, he repeated to himself throughout his sleepless night. He woke the priest early the next morning. Will you tell me where I can find diamonds? he asked. Diamonds? said the priest. What do you want with diamonds? I want to be immensely rich, replied Ali Hafed candidly. Then go along and find them. That's all you must do, advised the priest. But I don't know where to go, Ali Hafed pleaded. Well, said the priest, if you look for a river that runs over white sands between high mountains, you will always find diamonds in those sands. I don't believe any such diamonds or river exists, Ali Hafed challenged. Of course it does. There are many of them, said the priest. All you have to do is find them. Ali Hafed went to the window and looked out. His gaze fixed upon the mountains that bordered his farm. I believe you. I will go, he resolved. He sold his farm and collected his money. Leaving his family in a neighbor's care, he went off in search of diamonds, starting with the nearest mountains. Next, he searched in Palestine. Finally, he wandered Europe. When the last of his money had been spent, he stood in rags at Spain's Bay of Barcelona, watching the waves roll in, and soon the penniless, hopelessly wretched man cast himself into the oncoming tide and sank beneath the water, never to rise again. One day, continued the old Arab guide, the man who had purchased Ali Hafed's farm led his camel into the garden to drink, and as the beast lapped the brook's clear water, Ali Hafed's successor noticed a curious flash in the shallow stream's white sands. Reaching into the water, he withdrew a black pebble with an eye of light that reflected all the colors of the rainbow. He took the curious stone into the house, put it on the mantle, and returned to his chores. Some days later, he was visited by the ancient priest, and the moment the priest saw the gleam from the mantle, he rushed to it. There's a diamond here! he shouted. A diamond! Has Ali Hafed returned? No, he hasn't returned, and that's no diamond, the new owner answered. It's nothing but a stone from out there in the garden. But I know a diamond when I see one, the priest insisted, and I tell you that's what this is— a beautiful diamond. Together they rushed to the garden stream, and they stirred the white sands with their fingers and discovered more stones, even more beautiful and valuable than the first. And thus was the diamond mine of Golconda discovered. The most magnificent in history, exceeding even the Kimberley Silver Mine. For decades, every shovelful from near that stream revealed gems that would decorate the crowns of monarchs. Had Ali Hafed remained at home and dug in his own garden instead of wandering aimlessly into a life of frustration, poverty, and suicide in a strange land, he would have had acres Of diamonds. If ever a story had a more powerful moral, I haven't encountered it. Perhaps you've already discovered the wisdom to know that the diamonds you seek are waiting to be uncovered in your own backyard, the backyard of your mind, where your sense of values and your self-worth are embedded. The simple truth is that if we have no internalized feelings of value, we have nothing to share with others. We can need them, depend upon them, look for security in them, but we can't share or give an emotion to anyone unless we possess it. The diamond is inside us, waiting to be discovered, shaped, and polished. Self-esteem is among the most misunderstood terms of our day. Self-esteem is not feeling that you're superior to others. It is not being egotistical, conceited, or arrogant. It is not trying to impress others with your achievements. Authentic self-esteem is the deep-down, inside-the-skin feeling of your own worth, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, and wealth. Self-esteem is based on internal values, not external fortunes. With the greatest emphasis today on material and physical appearances, young people and entrepreneurs who have more spending money seem even more driven to vie for their peers' attention and recognition, as if buying or pushing their way into the winner's circle were the keys to the good life. However, there's a critical difference between having to prove yourself, wanting to be the best to make up for inadequate self-esteem, and seeking to manifest your inner worth and value, being your best for the pure exhilaration of excellence. We all struggle with these 2 forms of expression. Being successful and humble make a powerful combination. Think of self-esteem as a 4-legged chair. Imagine that you're sitting on it right now and looking in the mirror. Do you respect the person that you see? Is it someone you really want to be? Are you doing what you want to do personally and professionally? Are you going where you want to go? Are you in charge of your life? An unhesitating yes to a majority of these questions suggests that your self-esteem is in good shape. Negative answers indicate that you need to polish your core values. Returning to the image of the chair, the first leg of self-esteem is a sense of belonging. We all have developed the need to feel that we're part of something larger than ourselves. This need, which psychologists call an affiliation drive, encompasses people, places, and possessions. Our instinct for belonging— for being wanted, accepted, enjoyed, and loved by close ones— is extremely powerful. The second leg, which complements the sense of belonging, is a sense of individual identity. No human being is exactly like another, not even an identical twin. We are all unique combinations of talents and traits that never existed before and will never exist again in quite the same package. Leaders stand out particularly for knowing who they are, having confidence in what they believe, and feeling respect for their present lives as well as for their potential. The third leg of self-esteem is a sense of worthiness, the feeling that I'm glad I'm me. With my genes, my background, my body, my unique thoughts. And even if others make you feel that you belong, even if others praise you, you won't feel very worthy if you violate your own values. Without your own approval, we have little to offer. If we don't feel worth loving, it's hard to believe that others love us. Instead, we tend to see those others as appraisers. or judges of our value. People who feel undeserving of love because their self-esteem is marginal are easily hurt and easily hurt those who do love them. Insecurity generates the jealousy, excessive possessiveness, and compulsion to turn trifles into tragedies that often ruin caring relationships. If you were lucky enough to have parents who taught you the importance of responsibility, honesty, initiative, courage, faith, self-control, and most of all love, please remember to say a frequent prayer of thanks. Many of us were less fortunate, but we can still build our own values by asking ourselves the right questions. Are your material possessions more important to you than your inner values? Is making a good impression more important than being true to yourself? Do you constantly feel that you must prove your worth with outer achievements? Do you feel guilty when you're praised or when you indulge yourself in some personal pleasure? A sense of belonging, identity, and worthiness can only be rooted in intrinsic core values as opposed to outer, often material motivation, and without them, we depend on others constantly to fill our leaking reserves of self-esteem. But also tend to suspect others of ulterior motives, unable to accept or reject others' opinions for what they're worth. We're defensive about criticism and paranoid about praise, and no amount of praise can replace the missing qualities. A healthy sense of belonging, identity, and worthiness is also essential to belief in your dreams. It is most essential during difficult times. when you only have a dream to hang on to. The chair's 4th leg is, in a single term, self-trust— a functional belief in your ability to control what happens to you in a changing, uncertain world. A sense of worthiness may give you the emotional means to venture, but you need self-trust— the sense of competence and control to believe that you can succeed— and that belief can't develop Without confidence that you can make a difference. Self-trust is essentially confidence in your personal power— not the power to control or dominate others, but power in the richly creative sense of self-empowerment, of being able to successfully do what you set out to do. With a sense of self-trust in place, mind and body join in the journey toward the goal. As an inventor, artist, executive, or teacher, or nurturing parent, anything. In theory, once a goal is attained, it no longer serves the same purpose. An entrepreneur who's found investors willing to advance sufficient capital to launch a new business doesn't keep looking for venture capital. However, self-trust is an exception. Empowering you to strive for your goals, it also continues motivating you after you've reached the initial objectives. That's why it's so important to assign responsibility for small tasks to the people involved. The more success they experience, the stronger their confidence grows, and the more responsibility they want to assume. In an increasingly competitive global marketplace, each member of the workforce simply must believe that he or she is a team leader, a quality individual who expresses that quality in excellent production and service. With increasing pressures on profit and the need to do more with fewer workers, it's essential to raise the value of the employee's stock in themselves. Self-esteem is a profound belief that you deserve to be happy and successful, combined with a trust or confidence in an ability to manage life's challenges. Here are some action tips To enhance your self-esteem and that of the significant others in your life. Be more aware of your physical appearance. You don't have to be the best looking in a group, just look your best. Being clean says you care about yourself. Make a commitment to join a support group with a proven program that will overcome any habit that reduces the quality of your life. Improve your body language. Stand erect yet relaxed. Keep eye direct contact with others while you converse. Your pronunciation should be clear, your voice projecting confidence, not too loud. Always extend your hand and offer your own name first in any personal encounter and offer your name first in phone conversations. Smile more often. A smile is a light in your window That says a caring person resides within. Dwell on your strengths and talents. Keep a video record or Facebook record of your professional and personal milestones and achievements, positive memories for reinforcement during difficult times. And also make a video of the older members of your family and senior members of your company relating their experiences and their expertise. Nothing is more important to the younger generation than wisdom from people who've been there before. And nothing is more important than featuring dedicated employees who may not be getting the attention they deserve. Become comfortable giving and receiving compliments and expressions of affection. An ability to accept appreciation is a sign of healthy self-esteem. So when you receive a compliment, just say thank you. Be open to criticism and relaxed about acknowledging your mistakes. Your self-esteem is not tied to always being right or to an image of perfection. Make the first and last 15 minutes of your day at home and at the office— the time I call sign-on and sign-off signatures— the most important for all around you. Make it a habit no less important than brushing your teeth. To start your day on a positive note. Wake up looking forward to a new slate. Send your partner, child, or spouse off with a loving, encouraging thought, and end the day the same way. We believe that this has influenced our family to rise higher in their aspirations, and we know it has changed our own lives. A simple motto hung on the wall of our grandparents' small frame house Where many seeds of our development were planted. Grandma and Granddad didn't talk much about those lines, but they lived them. Life is like a field of newly fallen snow. Where I choose to walk, every step will show. They believed you were either honest or you weren't. There was nothing in between. No such thing as partial honesty. Integrity, a standard of personal morality and ethics, Is not relative to the situation you happen to find yourself in and doesn't sell out to expediency. Complete integrity in little things is no little thing at all. As has been said many times, the devil is in the details, and elephants don't bite, but fleas do. There are no degrees of integrity. You have it or you don't. Being slightly dishonest may be a safe adventure for a time, But one day inevitably, little details will be noticed and the piper will have to be paid. What you are speaks so loudly, no one can really hear what you say. If what you do matches what you say, your life will speak forcefully indeed. In people, we value honesty more than any other virtue. We expect it from our leaders. We must demand it from ourselves. Its short supply is getting even shorter, but without it, leadership is a facade. Learning to see through exteriors is a critical development in the transition from adolescence to adulthood, but sadly, most people continue to be taken in by big talk and media popularity, flashy or bizarre looks, and expensive possessions. They move through most of their years convinced that the extremes are what count and are thus doomed to live shallow lives. Men and women who rely on their looks or status to feel good about themselves inevitably do everything they can to enhance the impression that they make and do correspondingly little to develop their inner value and personal growth. The paradox is that the people who try hardest to impress are often the least impressive. Devotion to image is often for the money it can reap. Puffing to appear powerful is an attempt to hide insecurity. If only we could see many of our celebrities when their guard and pretenses were down. In the Roman Empire's final corrupt years, status was conveyed by the number of carved statues of the gods that were displayed in people's courtyards. As in every business, Yes, the Roman statue industry had good and bad sculptors and merchants. As the empire became ever more greedy and narcissistic, the bad got away with as much as they could. Sculptors became so adept at using wax to hide the cracks and chips in marble that most people couldn't discern the difference in quality. Statues began to weep or melt under the scrutiny of sunlight. Or heat in the foyers. For statues of authentic fine quality carved by reputable artists, people had to go to the artisan marketplace in the Roman Quad and look for booths with signs declaring, Sina cera— without wax. We too look for the real thing in friends, products, and services. In people, we value sincerity from Sina cera. More than almost any other virtue. Integrity that strengthens an inner value system is the real human bottom line. Commitment to a life of integrity in every situation demonstrates that your word is more valuable than a surety bond. It means that you don't base your decisions on being politically correct. You do what's right, not what's fashionable. You know that truth is absolute, not a device for manipulating others, and you win in the long run when the stakes are highest. What can we do to increase the dwindling integrity in our society today? Like charity, integrity begins at home. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong sense of ethical and moral values. Let them accept responsibility for their own actions as early as possible. The more sense of responsibility they develop, the more they'll feel good about themselves. Above all, for integrity's sake, teach them graciousness and gratitude and how to care about the rights and welfare of others. Teach your children and business associates who look to you for leadership that their true rewards in life will depend on the quality and amount of service that they render, and show them by example how to treat others as they would have others treat them. If we were writing a single commandment for leadership, it would be, you shall conduct yourself in such a manner as to set an example worthy of imitation by your children and subordinates. In simpler terms, if they shouldn't be doing it, neither should you. When we told our kids to clean their rooms, for example, They took a closer look at the condition of our tools and possessions in the garage. When we told them that honesty was our family's greatest virtue, they commented on the radar detector that we had installed in the family car. When we told them about the vices of drinking and wild parties, they watched from the upstairs balcony the way our guests behaved at our adult functions. One of the principles of integrity Is to defend your convictions in the face of great social pressure. Consider this true story about an abdominal surgery performed in a large, well-known hospital. It was a surgical nurse's first day on the medical team. Responsible for ensuring that all instruments and materials were accounted for before completing the operation and sewing up the incision, She told the surgeon that he had removed only 11 sponges. We used 12, and we need to find the last one, she reported. No, I removed them all, the doctor declared emphatically. We'll close the incision now. No, the rookie nurse objected. We used 12 sponges. I'll take the responsibility, the surgeon said grimly. Suture, please. You can't do that, sir. Think of the patient. The surgeon lifted his foot, revealing where he had hidden the 12th sponge. You'll do just fine in this or any other hospital, he said, smiling. Don't back down when you know that you're right. A second key integrity principle is always to give others the credit that's rightfully theirs, never fearing anyone who has a better idea, Or is smarter than you. This is becoming increasingly difficult in our age of instant access to information on the internet. We can download term papers, essays, books, music, videos, photos, documents, and concepts all authored or created by someone else. It's tempting to pirate someone else's work and profit from it. Eventually, however, although it seems to be an easy way to get rich, There's almost always a knock on the door with a lawyer or law officer on the other side with more than a friendly greeting in hand. You are the product of your actions, and like an unfailing boomerang, what you throw out as choices will come full circle as consequences. Our 3rd integrity principle is to be honest and open about who you really are. Be yourself. Don't exaggerate your achievements. Don't get trapped in a cover-up of past mistakes, even of personal traits that dissatisfy or displease you. When the going is tough, be tough by facing reality with adult responses. Use the good and bad as material for personal growth. We must teach our children and our subordinates self-respect and the supreme value of a clean conscience. As early as possible. They are powerful components of integrity. We enjoy discussing integrity with high school students. We throw a wallet into the center of the room where we, members of a small seminar, are sitting in a circle. The wallet contains a driver's license, credit cards, photos, and 8 $100 bills. We ask the students one by one what they would do if they found the wallet on a deserted street. The answers are uncomfortably revealing. Wow, that would be awesome! goes the most typical. I'd keep the money as my reward and mail back the wallet with the credit cards. Other students invariably suggest not putting a return address on the envelope so the owner couldn't call and ask if there was money in the wallet when it was found. We usually ask how the $800 windfall would be explained to parents and friends. And if word got around and ultimately back to the owner, would they say, losers weepers, finders keepers? Then we place the wallet in special situational context. What if the driver's license showed that the wallet belonged to your best friend or to your mother? What if you recognized the driver's license photograph as that of an elderly neighbor who lived on the government and who probably dropped the wallet on her way to the hospital for kidney dialysis, which she needed every week. Most students somberly agreed that in those specific situations it would be best to return the money too. One, one of them ventured a slight exception: if the wallet belonged to his mother, she'd understand, he assured us, if a few hundred dollars were missing. Finally, we asked an even more sensitive and defining question: What if you were at an airport, ready to fly off on a student summer tour of Hawaii and Australia? You use the restroom and leave your wallet containing 8 $100 bills on the sink when you wash your hands. Realizing what you're missing as you board the plane, you run back, explain your emergency to the gate agent, and race to the restroom, heart pounding. If you were in that situation, what would you hope? They all say, that the wallet's on the counter where I left it. Most call out that same answer in unison. And what do you hope is in the wallet? we continue. 8 $100 bills and my credit cards and my driver's license, they chorus. And if a good Samaritan like you has picked up your wallet, What do you hope he or she does? Turns it into lost and found or airport security or a gate agent, they say, with all the money intact. From there we return to the wallet found on the deserted street. Now the students, many with wisdom-widened eyes, are clear about treating it as if they'd want others to behave if the wallet belonged to them. The point has been made. Honesty and integrity are non-situational, and inner standards for your performance and behavior are the foundation of true self-respect. Specific situations require different management approaches and styles, but how do you feel about the term situational integrity? We've seen that if integrity applies only to specific situations, it's not integrity at all. Do you believe in absolutes, or does everything derive from your point of view, your temporary advantage? To answer that question with another question, you might ask what your family or your company or, or what our world would be like if everyone had your ethics. The choice is yours. We'd either be in terrific or terrible shape. Of course, people do cheat to get ahead. You know that. But when you maintain your integrity at all costs, even if you feel you might suffer in the short term, you'll win hands down in the end. Can you think of a successful relationship without integrity? I doubt it. All are based on mutual trust. Break the trust and you break the relationship. Subvert it and it's almost impossible to put together again. Creating a long-term relationship takes 2 or more people, whether executives, representatives of labor and management, or husband and wife, who are grounded in and operating on the same non-situational integrity. Nothing less will last. When Fortune Magazine asked the CEOs of many Fortune 500 companies what they considered the most important qualities for hiring and promoting top executives, the unanimous consensus was that integrity and trustworthiness were by far the key qualities. That survey of leading businessmen, not of preachers or motivational speakers, speaks for itself. Here are some tips to help you further embrace integrity in your personal, business, and family life. Justice and fair play are integrity's core values. Go out of your way to be helpful and make others number one in your life. A smile will always be returned with a smile, and you're none the worse for the wear even if it's not. Set high standards of ethics for yourself and expect others to do the same. Your single most powerful teaching tool is not talking about what's right, but quietly doing it. A businessperson or parent who lectures about obeying the rules but constantly breaks them is making an especially powerful negative statement. The old do as I say, not as I do is severely damaging to children and subordinates. Give of your best in the worst of times. Personal integrity knows no season and doesn't hinge on the weather, the stock market report, or the leading economic indicators. You have it or you don't. Do not to others. What you would not want done to you is a pillar of ancient Chinese philosophy. Charting your course by the North Star means that you are stable, constant, resolute. You base your decisions on principle, on your immovable belief system. Respect diversity in culture and heritage. The world's rapid transportation, interactive media, virtual reality, and global communications network means that we must learn to live in harmony with other human beings. The dictionary tells us that integrity is wholeness, which implies mutual acceptance. Don't make the futile attempt at trying to be an island. Welcome the foreigner. Work hard at understanding other cultures, languages, and points of view. What would you do if you found a wallet with a good deal of money in it? Adults are often confronted by much more serious problems, so ask yourself if you have the solid bedrock values to get you through any situation without compromise. Your children and subordinates will do what they see you do. Your job as a leader is enormous, but so are the rewards. A life of principle, of not succumbing to the temptations of easy morality and get-rich-quick shortcuts will always win in the end, leading you to the real wealth of the present and the rest of the 21st century. Positive self-motivation is that inner drive that keeps you moving in pursuit of your goals. Winners in every field in the game of life are driven by desire. There never has been a consistent winner in any profession who didn't have that burning desire to win internalized. Although Chinese philosophers and great thinkers have preached it as a basic axiom in life for centuries, this concept was first presented in an audio program by Earl Nightingale in his platinum recording of The Strangest Secret. The strangest secret is that we become what we think about most of the time. In other words, we, our team, our children, All motivated every day and moved by our current dominant thoughts. We are moved in the direction of what we dwell on. Everyone in life is self-motivated a little or a lot, positively or negatively. Even a decision to do nothing is a decision based on motivation. There's a basic distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Having intrinsic motivation means doing something for its own sake, like playing a sport just for the joy of playing. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation pulls you by the power of some external benefit or tangible reward that you'll attain by taking action, as in the case of a professional athlete who plays primarily for money rather than for the fun or challenge of the sport. It also influences people in their business careers, especially among those who are driven fundamentally by the income they receive rather than by the love of the service they provide. Since the accomplishment of a difficult task means more to the high achievers than any external motivation, it means that motivation will remain strong throughout his or her career. Think of how much stronger and more permanent such a motivation is compared to one that is extrinsic. Suppose you choose a particular career because of the money. What happens when there's more money in doing something else? Since there's no inner drive to stay on any particular path, the journey will be arduous and motivation will tend to weaken whenever the external reward seems remote or out of sight. Some people spend their entire lives wandering from one field to another, always looking for an easier way to find that pot of gold, never achieving a significant goal worthy of their inner potential. This problem of money alone does not stimulate intrinsic motivation, and therefore it's a means, not an end. Money's like fuel for your car. It's not the destination, it's not the journey, it's only part of the transportation system. So make your why grab you by your very soul. You'll never be disappointed for very long. And you'll stay committed regardless of market conditions and setbacks. Motivation is a very emotional state, and the great physical and mental motivators in life, such as survival, hunger, and thirst, as well as love and revenge, are all charged with emotion. And the 2 key emotions which dominate all human motivation with opposite but nearly equally effective results are fear and desire. Fear, of course, is the most powerful negative motivator of all. Fear is the great inhibitor that restricts, tightens, and panics, and is the red light that tells us that we can't do things because of the obstacles and risk. Fear is the great compeller that forces us to do things that we feel we have to do because of the consequences. I remember feeling those symptoms when I was 12 years old and my friends dared me to run through a farmer's pasture that had the biggest, ugliest, meanest bull that I'd ever seen corralled there. Above the fence that we were supposed to crawl through before sprinting safely to the other side was a cryptic sign that the farmer had posted for trespassers: Don't attempt to cross this field unless you can do it in 9.9 seconds. The bull can do it in 10 seconds flat. Well, that sign motivated several involuntary muscle spasms in me, and I had to change my jeans when I got home. You know, I'd much rather run toward something that I want, like a ripe watermelon in that farmer's field, than have to run away from something I fear, like that bull's horns. Desire, conversely, is like a strong positive magnet. It attracts, reaches, opens, directs, and encourages us toward our goals. Fear and desire are poles apart. And they lead to alternate destinies in life. Fear usually looks to the past at missed opportunities and problems, while desire looks toward the future. Fear vividly replays haunting experiences of failure, pain, disappointment, or unpleasantness and is a dogged reminder that the same experiences are likely to repeat themselves. But desire, on the other hand, triggers memory of pleasure and success. It excites the need to replay these positive memories and create new winning experiences. The consuming prison words of the fearful person are likely to be: I have to, I can't, I see risk, and I wish. Desire says: I want to, I can, I see opportunity, and I will. Desire is that emotional state between where you are and where you want to be. So desire is a magnetic tension, like a bow pulled taut to take the arrow to the bullseye. Is tension good or bad? Yes, it is good or bad, depending on whether it is initiated by fear or desire. Negative tension induced by fear creates distress, anxiety, and hostility. Carried to extremes, it can cause psychosis and serious illness. But positive tension produced by desire is like an Olympic athlete coming out of the starting blocks, or like that bow pulled taut to propel the arrow to the bullseye. Fear causes compulsion distress. Desire causes propulsion power. Fear causes inhibition distress. Desire causes ignition power. In a totally tension-free state, you're either in a deep, relaxed state of meditation, asleep, Or dead. But what a person really needs in life is not a tension-free state but the striving and struggling for a goal that's worthy of him or her. Winners have learned how to concentrate on the desired results rather than possible problems. And winners dwell on the rewards of success instead of the penalties of failure. To conquer your fear of rejection, you need to handle the word no in a constructive way. When people turn you down after a presentation, you have to interpret the no as, no, this is not right for me now. We also can interpret no as meaning, I need to know more about the opportunity or the products before I can say yes. I look at the service I offer to others as a gift that almost everyone desires. It's like a nutritious dessert. What if waiters or waitresses in a restaurant said to the customers at their tables, Would you like our special strawberry parfait for dessert? It's the best in the world! And they were told no by their patrons 3 out of 5 times. Would they go to their manager, throw up their hands, and quit, lamenting, they don't like me or my strawberry parfait? Of course they wouldn't. They'd go on about their business, thinking the patrons had missed out on something delicious. That's why you should treat the products or services that you offer As products like a gift, much more beneficial than a fruit dessert. But what is being rejected is the presentation, not the presenter. When I can separate my self-esteem from offering the products or business opportunity, I can live with rejection and I can look for ways to get a positive response more often. When you are experiencing rejection, that's the time to network with mentors and role models. It's also the time to listen to upbeat music, to attend meetings and conference calls, and to hang around with optimists and winners. All you really need to move up to the next level is to have faith in yourself and to risk that your ideas may not be accepted by others today, but maybe tomorrow or next month. Did you know that 80% of all new sales are made after the 5th call to the same prospect? 48% of all salespersons make one call And then cross off the prospect. 25% quit after the second call. 12% of all sales reps call 3 times and then quit. 10% keep calling and networking until they succeed. The sales reps in what I call the Top 10% Club are among the highest paid professionals in all industries in the country and in the world. The 10% who persist get the real payoff. To win, you must continuously motivate yourself toward your goals, and you must be willing to do this yourself. Be willing to say to yourself, I'm on the right road. I'm doing okay. I'm succeeding. We too frequently become adept at identifying our flaws and failures. Become equally adept at recognizing your achievements. What are you doing now that you weren't doing 1 month ago, 6 months ago, a year ago? What habits have changed? Chart your progress. Doing well once or twice is relatively easy. Real winning is continuously moving ahead. Winning is tough, in part because it's so easy to revert to the old habits and former lifestyles. Over the long run, you need to give yourself regular feedback and monitor your performance. Reinforce yourself positively to stay on track. And don't wait for an awards ceremony, a promotion, or a friend or a mentor to show appreciation for your work. Do it yourself. Do it now. Take pride in your own efforts on a daily basis. Set up a dynamic daily routine. Getting into a positive routine or groove instead of a negative rut will help you become more effective. Why is the subway the most energy-efficient means of transportation? Because it runs on a track. So think of order in your day instead of the routine, and don't worry about sameness, neatness, or everything exactly in its place. Order is being able to do what you really choose and not taking on more than you can manage. Order frees you up. Get into the swing of a healthy daily routine and discover how much more control that you gain in your life. Here are 5 keys to adding order to a winning routine. Simplify. Challenge complicated plans or processes. Don't spend a lot of time searching for things. You probably don't need them anyway. Do what you promise to do and promise only what you can do. Set effective agendas with others ahead of time so neither of you are disappointed. Monitor yourself in order to make sure that you accomplish what you set out to do. To keep people feeling like winners in today's turbulent environment is a significant leadership challenge. Hectic schedules, changing goals, and constantly shifting priorities oftentimes make it hard for people to see the significance of their work. An essential leadership skill is always keeping the big picture, the ultimate goal, in front of the people that you're working with. People also need to be reminded of the benefits that come from their work. During World War II, parachutes were being constructed by the thousands. From the workers' point of view, the job was tedious and repetitive. It involved crouching over a sewing machine 8 to 10 hours a day, stitching endless lengths of colorless fabric. The result was a seamless heap of cloth. But every morning the workers were reminded that each stitch was part of a lifesaving operation. As they sewed, They were asked to think that this might be the parachute worn by their husband, brother, or son. And although the work was hard and the hours long, the women and men on the assembly line understood their contribution to the larger picture. The same should be true for any work. As a leader, make sure that people know what they do benefits the health and well-being of others, not just generally, But specifically, these are the visions that drive us through tedious details to the top. Here are a few action reminders to develop this winning action quality of self-motivation to keep the inner fires of desire burning intensely. In your daily speech, make a conscious effort to replace I can't with I can and I'll try with I will. You'll find that I can applies to about 95% of the challenges that you encounter every day. These simple semantic changes will establish your new positive attitude, dwelling on things you can do and will do. And remember, we become what we think about. So focus all your attention and energy on the achievement of the objectives that you're involved in right now. Forget about the consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change of direction to set you straight for your next success. The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top. So make a pact with yourself. We suggest that you write an agreement with yourself. Promise that you won't allow a failure to be more than a learning experience that allows you to move more quickly to the place you want to be. To stay motivated, keep your self-talk affirmative. Whether you're at work, at home, or on the tennis court, your subconscious is recording every word. Instead of should have, say will do. Instead of if only, say next time. Instead of yes, but, say why not. Instead of problem, say opportunity. Instead of difficult, say challenging. Instead of I'll try, Say I will. Instead of could have, say my goal. Instead of someday, say today. Forget perfection. Only the Saints are perfect, and sainthood is acceptable only in Saints. Accept the flaws and failures in yourself and consider them challenges and learning experiences. They are the seeds of growth. Declare a moratorium on negatives— negative thoughts, negative people, negative forms of entertainment. Keep your desire to succeed strong by erasing thoughts of the downside. Whatever you do, never allow your goals and their benefits to you to get lost in the back of your subconscious. Bring them out in the sunlight and shine them every day, and there's no way you can fail. A fear is a goal in reverse. Dwell on the problem and it grows. Dwell on finding a solution and the mind moves toward that dominant thought. Losers dwell on the penalties of failure. Winners and change masters dwell on the rewards of success. Your expectation is what drives your motivation. Many people have defined self-discipline as doing without, but a better definition of self-discipline is doing within while you're doing without. Self-discipline is no more than mental practice. The commitment to memory of those thoughts, emotions, and daily actions that will override current information stored in the subconscious memory bank. And then through relentless repetition, the penetration of these new inputs into our subconscious, they result in the creation of a new self-image. We learn by observation, imitation, and repetition. We observe role models in others. We imitate their behavior. We repeat this behavior until it is internalized, like brushing our teeth or driving our cars. Observation, imitation, repetition, internalization. Why do we do what we do when we know what we know? Because we do what we've learned, even though we know better. Some people smoke although they know it's very detrimental to health. Much of what we've learned is by imitation. Do you recognize this Autobiography. You may know me. I'm your constant companion. I'm your greatest helper. I'm your heaviest burden. I'll push you onward or drag you down to failure. I'm at your command. Half of the tasks that you do might well be turned over to me. I'm able to do them quickly, and I'm able to do them the same every time, if that's what you want. I'm easily managed. All you've got to do is be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want it done, and And after a few lessons, I'll do it automatically. I'm the servant of all great men and women, and of course the servant of all the failures as well. I've made all the great winners who've ever been great, and I've made all the losers too. But I work with all the precision of a marvelous computer, with the intelligence of a human being. You may run me for profit, or you may run me to ruin. Makes no difference to me. Take me. Be easy with me and I'll destroy you. Be firm with me and I'll put the world at your feet. Who am I? Why, I'm habit. The force of habit is your greatest tool for success. We all first make our habits, then our habits make us. And it happens so subtly over time, imperceptibly, quietly, beneath the notice of anyone. Habits are like submarines; they run silent and deep. The chains of our habits are usually too small to be recognized until they are too strong to be broken. First, we observe the behaviors of relatives, friends, or role models. Then we imitate that behavior. Then we repeat and internalize the behavior, and the idea, notion, act, or belief grows layer upon layer, from a flimsy cobweb into an unbreakable cable to strengthen or shackle our lives. It's amazing how parents continue to pass their own hang-ups on to their children. It reminds me of a story about the young bride who cooked a ham for her new husband. Before putting it in the pan, she cut off both ends. When her husband asked her why she did that, she replied that her mother had always done it that way. At a later date, when they were having baked ham dinner at her mother's home, he asked her casually why she cut off both ends of the ham. The mother shrugged and said she really didn't know except that her mother had always done it that way. Finally, he asked the grandmother why she always cut the ends off the ham before she baked it. She looked at him suspiciously, replying, Because my baking dish is too small. Habits, like comfortable beds, are easy to fall into but hard to get out of. If we don't master our habits, our habits will master us. When we allow unhealthy habits to be our guide and counsel, we give up control of our actions and we find ourselves at the mercy of that blind giant who calls the shots without any concern for our well-being. However, when we begin to deal with the attitudes and actions that bind us, we give ourselves permission to take control and to build new habit patterns that help us perform to our ultimate potential. There are 4 basic ideas that we call the 4 Cornerstones of Change. Understanding these 4 concepts will help you understand the right way to develop healthy habits. Cornerstone 1: No one else can change you. You must first admit the need for change, give up any denial of your role in the problem, and take full responsibility for changing yourself. You must also understand that you can't change anyone else either. You can influence and inspire others as a mentor, but they as individuals are ultimately responsible for gaining new inputs, practicing them, and then surrounding themselves with a team of positive supporters. Habits are not easily broken; they are replaced by layering new behavior patterns on top of the old ones over time. Since many habits have been internalized for years, It's foolish to assume that 3 or 4 weeks of training will override the old destructive patterns. To change any habits, including substance abuse, self-ridicule, eating disorders, and any other destructive lifestyles— forget about the 30-day wonder cures, the 60-day diet delights, and the get-fit-get-rich-quick fads. Give yourself about a year to internalize permanent change. Be patient. It took a number of years and observation, imitation, and repetition for you to pick up and store your current habits. Cornerstone 3: A daily routine adhered to over time will become second nature, like brushing your teeth or driving your car. Continue to practice your mistakes on the golf driving range, and you'll remain a high handicap duffer. Learn from a professional, And then practice the correct swing with each club as demonstrated by the pro, and you'll become the pride of your foursome. My favorite true story is about United States Air Force Colonel George Hall. He was a pilot who was shot down and parachuted into enemy territory. 5 and a half years in solitary confinement as a prisoner of war in a prisoner of war camp. In his cell alone, in black pajamas and bare feet, Pacing in his cell for 5 and a half years— no light, no talking to other prisoners, and one plate of rice each day. To keep his sanity and pass the time, he decided to play golf in his imagination. You see, he'd been a 4-handicapped golfer averaging about 76 strokes per 18 holes before he was captured. He played one round of golf every day for 5 and a half years. He put an invisible ball on the tee and drove the ball down the fairway. He used his other clubs and irons to reach the green. He measured the putts, going through the motion of pulling the flag, and watched his ball go down in the cup. For 5 and a half years, he replayed every game he'd ever played well, but he also pre-played every game he'd only seen the pros play on television. Pre-play and replay. After 5 and a half years, He became atrophied, his eyesight weakened, and he was withered and underweight. And he came back and went to the New Orleans PGA Open and shot a 76, 4 over par, matching his former handicap. But he hadn't played golf on a real golf course in nearly 6 years. And the media said, wow, congratulations, Colonel. Beginner's reentry luck. He said, luck? Are you kidding? I never 3-putted a green in 5 and a half years. And they said, sir, did you have a golf course at the POW camp? And he said, yeah, in a way. We all have one. In your imagination, you never miss. In the POW camp, he was doing within while he was doing without. If you are a change master, you never miss in your imagination. So you have this ability To set up in advance what you want. And when you don't make it, you correct it. When you do make it, you confirm it. Practice makes permanent. Practicing negative behaviors leads to a losing lifestyle. Practicing positive behaviors leads to a winning lifestyle. It's so obvious, it's often completely overlooked, especially by the entertainment and news media who help form our basic opinions on how the world works. And cornerstone number 4: Once you change a habit, stay away from the old destructive environment. The reason most criminals return to prison is that they make the mistake of returning to their old neighborhoods and their old friends when they're paroled the first time. No matter how much they regretted their actions while in prison and want to go straight, they're easily dragged back into their old ways by exposure to the negative environment. So when dieters reach their desired weight, they usually go back to their former eating routines because their new behavior patterns haven't been embedded long enough to make them strong enough to pass by the dessert section of the buffet. Overweight individuals and dieters should stay away from buffet lines. When our mind talks, our body listens and acts accordingly. We need to understand that there is a Victor's behavioral cycle. Our self-image determines our practice. How we practice determines our performance. And that instantaneously, immediately after every performance, we engage in self-talk in words, pictures, and emotions to confirm or adjust our self-image about that particular action. It's a cycle. It's a cycle up or a cycle down. And the self-talk we use after every performance determines whether the new self-image will reinforce the win or reinforce the loss. Think of where you want to be, and you'll move toward that thought. Self-imaging is what Olympic athletes, actors, and astronauts do. And the same techniques of mental self-discipline apply to the employee and entrepreneur as well, just as the actor and athlete. For example, Before a marketing presentation, one successful businessman we know practices in his mind what he'll say and how he'll say it. He imagines what some of the obstacles will be. He focuses on the possible objections and questions that his clients may have, and he rehearses how he'll overcome them. He sees himself being relaxed, confident, and in good humor. He sees the clients satisfied in advance. Now, he may have preferred to go bowling the night before his presentation, but he practices self-discipline by staying home to spend a quiet evening rehearsing the day to come. The greatest coaches of the greatest teams, the greatest parents of the greatest kids, and the greatest leaders of the greatest companies and countries use the same basic techniques: explanation, demonstration, correction, repetition, And affirmation. Remember, the idea is to replace habits, not to try to erase them. You can't always practice in person on the field or in the office or with a client or before the boss, but you can rehearse in your mind. And when your mind talks, your body does listen. Here are some definite action steps that you can take to reinforce the Victor's Circle in your professional and your personal life. Set aside about 20 or 30 minutes a day, whether you're commuting to or from your place of business or at lunch or in the morning or evening. And as you relax during this time, imagine yourself achieving and enjoying your most dreamed-of personal desires. And do this as though you were previewing 3 television shorts. Picture one sequence achieving a professional triumph. Imagine the awards ceremony, the promotion, announcement or the bonus payment. Picture another scene involving family happiness. Imagine a special reunion or an outing together. When you visualize yourself in the present as if you were already accomplishing one of your goals, make certain that your visual image is as you would see it out of your own eyes and not watching you do it through the eyes of a spectator. And if you fail the first time, Try again. If you fail a second time, get more feedback as to why you failed. And if you fail the third time, your sights might be too high or too low, so bring your goals in just a little bit from the horizon. Don't scold or berate yourself with left-brain criticism when you make a mistake. Develop an affirmative statement about 5 words in length describing your current performance in the present tense. And then relax and listen to yourself state the affirmation and visualize the accompanying action and feeling. And finally, use positive self-talk from morning to bedtime. It's another good day for me. Things usually work out my way. I expect a great year. Next time I'll do better. We're going to make it. I'm a winner. I'm a change master. All pursuits begin with the idea, What is to be accomplished or attained. An image of achievement is a tool that permits us to provide accurately encoded information to the brain so that the mind can work with that information and can begin sharpening perceptions and marshaling resources toward the imagined goal. What we need most in life is continuing support and reinforcement of other winners with similar goals. Every week, meet before work, after work, or during lunch with one or more role models. Form a network with other success-conscious associates in your own local community. In everything you do, think, speak, act, behave, and get the habit of success by association. Your mind and body can't distinguish rehearsed information from the main event. It stores as reality whatever you practice. You become that to which you're most exposed. So constantly expose yourself to successful individuals whose personal habits match their professional accomplishments. It's one of the most important concepts that I've learned in all of my life. Losers engage in pleasurable activities with no particular result in mind. We call this instant gratification. But winners choose activities that will give them long-term positive results. That's delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is perhaps the most difficult concept to teach people in America and the industrialized nations today, but it's really what separates champions from also-rans. It's the reason immigrants are often able to succeed when they arrive in any wealthier country. They're eager to work at doing things the majority of the population are not willing to consider. Your definition of success will change throughout your life. Think of success as a lifetime journey, not a destination, and always remember, focus precedes success. One of the major reasons that so few people reach their goals is that most people don't set specific goals and the mind just dismisses them as irrelevant. Most people want financial security, but they've never considered how much money it will take. Would it surprise you to learn that only 5 of every 100 Americans who are in the higher-income professions such as law and medicine reach the age of 65 without having any financial security and who depend on government support? I was astounded to learn that so few individuals Achieve any degree of financial success, regardless of their level of income during their most productive years. Most people live their lives under the delusion that they're immortal in the body. They squander their money and their time and their minds with activities that are tension-relieving instead of goal-achieving. And many Americans and others who are not motivated to succeed work to get through the week with enough extra money to spend on the weekend. Some time ago, during a live goal-setting seminar for executives, we asked the participants to write down and discuss 5 questions which all centered around their goals in the goal-setting seminars that we've been giving throughout the United States and internationally. And it's obvious that the majority of people spend more time planning a party or a vacation than they do planning their lives. By failing to plan, they're actually planning to fail by default. In one of my early seminars, I divided 200 participants into groups of 6 attendees each, and they sat at circular tables, and they wrote down and discussed their personal responses to each part in a series of 5 questions. The questions that I asked them were these: What are your greatest personal and professional abilities and liabilities? What are your most important personal and professional goals for the balance of this year? What is the major personal and professional goal that you have for next year? What will your professional level and annual income be in 5 years? And 20 years from now, where will you be living? What will you be doing? What will you have accomplished? And what could be written or said about you by your family or peers? What state of health will you enjoy? And what will be your assets in dollars? Well, after the groaning and grumbling has subsided, The Mastermind groups went to work discussing the most important topics they could ever share. And as difficult and unreasonable as these questions may appear, you must remember that each of these people paid $200 to attend the goal-setting workshop, and they seemed dumbfounded that someone actually was challenging them to think about their own lives in specific terms. It was fun to sit and listen to the stories of people crawling out of the ghetto into greatness. But it was no fun to consider doing it yourself. That sounded like work or being back in school. Well, they struggled trying to be specific because most of them had work priorities or quotas assigned to them in their jobs but had never really given any definition or priority to their own personal goals— all but one person who was too young to have given up on his dreams. He was a red-haired, freckle-faced, 10-year-old named Eric, who tagged along with his father to get some positive input. But instead, his output startled the adults in the group. When he was asked the 5 specific questions, he eagerly went down the list. He said his greatest talents were building model airplanes and doing well in computer games. He said he needed improvement in cleaning his room and being able to be nice to his sister. His personal goal for that year was to build a model of the space shuttle, and his professional goal was to earn $400 doing yard work for neighbors. For the following year, his personal goal was to take a trip to Hawaii, and his professional goal was to earn $700 for the Super Saver travel package. When asked about his 5-year goals, he said, I'll be 15, in the 10th grade, and I'll be taking a lot of math and science classes and computer classes. Eric had to think for a moment when asked about his 20-year life goals. He said, 20 years from now, I'll be 30 years old, right? I'll be living in Cape Kennedy, Florida, as a space shuttle astronaut working for NASA. I'll be in great physical shape. You have to be in good shape and study hard to be an astronaut, he finished proudly. Just boyhood fantasies, you might think. Eric graduated from the Air Force Academy. Entered flight training, and on his 31st birthday, he celebrated in outer space aboard the space shuttle, putting a communication satellite into orbit. Here are 5 powers that will help you create more focused goals to achieve your dreams. The power of the positive. Your goals should be framed in positive terms. Winners dwell on the rewards of success, While losers dwell on the penalty of failures. In other words, instead of focusing on not being late, not being fat, not being in debt, or not working in my regular job, you want to concentrate on images of achievement, such as, I'm an on-time person. I'm lean and in great shape. I'm creating wealth and success in my business. Remember, your mind can't concentrate on the reverse of an idea. So keep your goals framed in the positive. The power of the present. Your character goals, such as being a good leader, parent, or being healthy, on time, enthusiastic, for example, should be framed as images of achievement in the present tense. Your long-term memory stores information in real time that is critically important to you. The reason your memory stores information in the present tense is obvious. Can you imagine what would happen if your mind had to remind your heart to beat tomorrow? Or what if it had to put in the command for breathing, eating, or calorie burning on next month's agenda? So any goal that involves your health, behavior, or self-leadership should be framed as if you already were that person. Some examples might include: I spend quality time with my loved ones. I'm always on time for meetings. I'm feeling more healthy every day. I have healthy habits that add years to my life and life to my years. I'm relaxed and in control. I encourage input and ideas from the employees I lead. The power of the personal. I can't stress this enough. Your images of achievement must be yours. They can't be your boss's goals, your spouse's goals, your friend's goals. No goals set for you by others will ever be sought after with the same passion, effort, commitment, or motivation as the one you set for yourself. So keep your mind focused on your own goals, but achieve them by helping others succeed. So ask yourself these questions: What does winning really mean to me? What does being successful mean to me? What do I really want to achieve in my life in the long run? What are my talents and capabilities? What am I willing to sacrifice, trade off, or invest in to become more successful? And how will other people benefit from my success? How will my life be improved by my success? How will my life be complicated by my success? And who can I count on for nurture and support who will support me in my pursuits? Remember, personal goals, the ones you want, are those you'll be more likely to achieve. And when you do set personal meaningful goals, keep them to yourself or share them only with other winners who will take the time to give you positive feedback and input. Remember, misery is always looking for a place to become company. Never share a dream with someone who is likely to rain on your parade. The power of precision. Make your images of achievements Specific and precise. Remember, when you talk about your goals in generalities, you will very rarely succeed, but when you talk about your goals with specificity, you will very rarely fail. A good way for you to determine if your images of achievement are focused enough is to simply ask yourself, can this goal be timed, checked, or measured? If you cannot time, check, or measure your performance, your goals are not specific enough. specific enough. Your brain is more marvelous than any computer that will ever be invented. So think of your brain and central nervous system as the hardware and your mind as the software program. The mind does not compute ideas like doing your best, doing better, getting rich, being happy, or having enough. It deals only with specificity, not vague ideas. What are your income needs for next year? What is your desired weight? What amount of cash in assets do you need to save that will give you enough income to enjoy your life in the future after taxes without depending on employment? At what age do you plan to be financially secure? The brain and mind respond to specifics, like spending 7/10 of your take-home pay on current living expenses, Spending 2/10 of your income pay on reducing your debt, and putting at least 1/10 of your take-home pay in an annual fund or interest-bearing savings vehicle to finance your future. Make it your mission. Focus on specific achievements. Change masters concentrate their energy. They have detailed, magnificent obsessions. They have laser focus and will tolerate little distraction away from their goals. The power of the possible. A formula that works well is that your goals should be just out of reach but not out of sight. Another way to state that is that your goals should be realistic but not achievable by ordinary means. Your goals also should be broken down into small, incremental action steps. Remember, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. So set challenging, realistic goals with small, doable action steps. It's always useful to clarify long-range goals, the ones that have been stimulating future benefits that are worth the wait and the work. Long-range goals, however, don't offer you the step-by-step reinforcement and feedback that you need for continued motivation. So if possible, break your long-range goals into many short-range ones where you can know the thrill of victory on a smaller scale. Then you can thrive on the many smaller wins spaced closer together, which will give you a winning pattern that will strengthen you for the long haul toward the bigger long-range goals. The idea is to set short-term goals that are just beyond your current range of skills, and when you miss one of these short-term increments, you review, revise, and retry. When you hit your incremental goal, you reinforce yourself with a positive reward or ceremony. Face the challenge, meet it, or learn from your mistakes, and then move up to the next higher goal. The point is, we all need to win and win again to develop the winning reflex. Setting stair-step goals that can be reached, revised, retried, and reinforced really works. It seems to be an irrevocable part of nature that we work harder toward our goals as our deadlines approach. A material goal is not a goal unless it has a deadline. That's why we have quotas, due dates, quarterly reports, and dates for exams and term papers in schools. We humans work best when we have a target date for arrival, and the best goals are in writing. that we can review on a daily basis. Attorneys know the wisdom of the written contract. It demands clarity, specificity, conditions, a timeframe, and a commitment of money. When all the terms are understood and mutually agreed upon, it usually results in better performance. Before you leave your place of business in the evening, write down at least 5 personal goals that you want to reach the following day And before you go to sleep that night, prioritize these 5 personal goals and focus how you'll start reaching them the next morning. And finally, do your goals pass the win-win test? To be true winners and change masters in life, we must consider the impact of reaching our goals on other people. Once a goal is defined as to its integrity and merit for our own success, We must ask ourselves the key question before we embark on an action course: What effect will the realization of my goal have on the others involved? And the answer should be beneficial. One of the most critical aspects of goal setting is that we seldom succeed in isolation without the support of others. When our own goals match the aspirations of those with whom we come in frequent contact, And they in turn identify with us, a chain reaction is formed and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Synergy is achieved when a team is striving for the same outcome. Think of your own dreams and goals as previews of coming attractions in your life, in which you are the producer, the scriptwriter, and the star performer in an exciting documentary Remember, focus always precedes success. The mind cannot begin to formulate the strategies and actions required without specific information. Your mind will simply not respond to a request to get rich, have more, do better, or make money. And once you set a goal, you can adjust and fine-tune it any way you want. That's creativity. And persistence Persistence is what allows you to keep progressing toward the next goal, no matter how many adjustments are required and no matter how long it takes to accomplish it. After more than 40 years of research, we've discovered that the main reason that individuals fail to reach their goals is that they never really set them properly in the first place. The brain and mind are target-seeking by design, so concentrate your attention on where you want to go, not away from where you don't want to be. You will always move in the direction of your currently dominant thoughts. Since we are well into the 21st century, I like to think of my mind as a marvelous GPS system. But instead of Global Positioning Satellite System, either handheld or in our car, our brain is like a GPS system where GPS means Goal Positioning System. Tell your internal GPS where you want to go. Be as specific as possible, and the more inputs the better, and it will guide you there. But first, you must know where you are right now, where you want to go. What you'll see is who you'll be, and what you set is what you'll get. A good way to think of leadership is the process of freeing your team members to do the best work they possibly can Today's business team members say they want more than anything else the autonomy to do their jobs without the boss's interference. In the new century, it's already clear that the CEOs of our best-run companies believe that the more power leaders have, the less they should use. The job of the team leader is to set a mission, decide upon a strategic direction, achieve the necessary cooperation, Delegate authority and then let people innovate. The key to authentic leadership is to listen to your followers and then open the door for them to lead themselves. The secret is empowerment. The main incentive is genuine caring and recognition. The 5 most important words a leader can speak are, I am proud of you. The 4 most important are, What is your opinion? The 3 most important are, if you please. The 2 most important are, thank you. And the most important single word of all is you. To motivate individuals over an extended period of time, it's important to understand the psychology of human motivation. Basically, motivation can be external or internal, as we've discussed before. External motivation pulls you forward by some tangible reward that you'll attain by taking action. Internal motivation means doing something because it inspires your own sense of inner self-worth and contribution to society. While both are important to achievement, intrinsic or internal motivation creates long-term commitment and loyalty more than simply the promise of external rewards. There are, of course, many successful entrepreneurs who are more money motivated than in changing the world. And there are equally as many successful entrepreneurs who are predominantly interested in improving the quality of life for others and who reap great financial rewards as a byproduct of this vision of service. We all want financial security. We all want to determine our own destinies. And most of us are motivated by material or external accomplishments to measure our success. However, money alone generally will not sustain loyalty or motivation. There is a plateau or burnout point when money no longer motivates because of a certain comfort level that's been reached. Loyalty requires an inner force that compels commitment after standard-of-living needs have been met. Far too many people have disconnected Their personal mission in life from their business or profession. The primary step in promoting loyalty is helping others define and pursue their own magnificent obsessions. A magnificent obsession is the way you want to live, not just the things you want to own. It is the person you want to be, not just the title you want after your name or on your business card. A magnificent obsession is the mindset that you have, not the degrees that you earn. It's the worldview that you claim as your own, not the collection of stamps in your passport or photos in an album. Your magnificent obsession will cover all areas of your life, including how you want to live, how you want to think, work, play, grow, create, worship, and to spend your precious hours and your days. and your years upon this earth. If it weren't for money, time, and personal responsibilities, what would you really love to do with your life? What do you really get excited about? 5 years from now, what will your days be like? What will you be doing? Where will you focus your professional work on? How will you be spending your time? With whom will you be spending your time? Great leaders create loyalty. By aligning their own visions for the future with the specific goals of their followers. This doesn't mean convincing others to follow the leader's vision. It does mean helping others define and reach their own individual Magnificent Obsessions via the same vehicle or business plan. Show a genuine interest in your team members' personal goals and interests, as well as their professional performance evaluations. And convince them by your actions that you have their interest and their success in mind, not your own selfish motives, which you're accomplishing through them. Keep your promises. All true loyalties and long-term relationships are based on mutual trust. Break the trust and you break the relationship. Integrity is the cement that solidifies loyalty no matter what obstacles occur along the way. Empowered teams require a new communication style. In the old traditional workgroup, you want compliance. In an empowered team, you want initiative. Directional communication, which is announcing decisions, issuing orders, inhibits team input. If the team leader or supervisor is still using boss language, the team gets the message that they're being told what to do. Managers of empowered teams need to learn to ask open-ended questions and develop the skill of truly listening to the answers. Listening is a lost art which must be rediscovered. Few people really listen to others, usually because they're too busy thinking about what they want to say next. In business transactions, clear communication is often colored by power plays, one-upsmanship, and attempts to impress rather than to express. In our work as well as our personal lives, how we listen is at least as important as how we talk. Genuine listening to what others want would allow more sales to be made, more deals to be closed, and greater productivity to be gained. Although it is not always necessary or possible to satisfy those wants, understanding them is the glue of a relationship. Not paying value by listening is a way of saying, you're not important to me. The results are reduced productivity. I don't count here, so why should I even try? Employee turnover. Who wants to work at a place where I don't feel valued? Absenteeism. I'm just a cog in the wheel, only noticed when I make a mistake. Retaliation. They're only listening to me when the griping gets loud enough. And lost sales. They don't seem to understand what I need. And dangling deals. I can't get through to them. It's like talking to a brick wall. Genuine listening can cure a remarkable range of supposedly intractable problems. So even if you have excellent presentation skills and have an authoritative and persuasive ability to speak to those you lead, Make a conscious effort to convert your team meetings into creative dialogue where you ask open-ended questions and solicit feedback and input from all those present. Everyone can be a useful source of ideas. The people closest to the problem usually have the best ideas. Learning flows up as well as down in the organization, and nothing is sacred except the governing vision and values. The process of open dialogue improves performance. The more information people can access, the better. And most importantly, don't view any suggestion or comment from the group as inane, silly, or irrelevant. Appearing foolish in front of one's peers is a major embarrassment and stifles any future desires to offer ideas that might be considered off the wall. The most common mistake in communication is saying what you want to say rather than what they need to hear, and then listening to what they have to offer. It's rightly been said that you can get more people to vote for you in 20 minutes by showing interest in them than you can in 20 weeks by showing how interesting you are. When you think back in your life to the people that you love and respect most, they've been the ones who've been there for you in person, day in and day out, no matter what. By actually considering your team as your own performance review scorekeepers, you'll spend the time and effort required to earn their respect by respecting them and keeping them informed of both the good and the bad news ahead for the organization. Often those lowest on the pay or hierarchy scale are closest to the customer, and therefore they're most aware of the problems in delivering quality goods and services as advertised. Having an active suggestion system in place that pays attention to and rewards innovation in making the organization more effective and efficient is crucial to success. in a volatile, competitive economy. David Ogilvy, founder of the giant advertising agency Ogilvy& Mather, used to give each new manager a Russian doll which contained 5 progressively smaller dolls inside. A message inside the smallest doll read, if each of us hires people we consider smaller than ourselves, we shall become a company of dwarves. But if each of us hires people who are bigger than we are, We will become a company of giants. Instead of a numbers game, business today is truly a motivate-the-team game in a global marketplace where the playing field is anything but level and where there's no job security because of slimmer profit margins due to outsourcing of manufacturing and service functions. It's imperative to maximize the return on investment in human capital already on your payroll. Here are some steps to empowering team members. Document their accomplishments so they can't pretend they don't exist. Never allow team members to lose sight of their own accomplishments and with it their potential for success. Show them how to find opportunity in adversity. Every outcome, no matter how negative, presents options that were not previously available. Assign them tasks that will display their talents. By transferring important responsibility to team members, you demonstrate your confidence in them and give them the chance to succeed in increasingly challenging assignments. Teach them how to get what they want from other people. Teach your people to be assertive rather than too aggressive or too passive, and show them the awesome power of listening. An active strategy for achieving personal success. When your subordinates become better listeners and begin reaping the benefits, they'll feel better about themselves. Tell them exactly what you expect of them and find out what they expect of you. The reason most subordinates and team members give for not satisfying their management is not knowing what management expects. Criticize performance but not people. The spirit of criticism should be, I don't like what you did in this case, but I do like you. Praise not only them but also their performance. You don't want merely to keep your people happy; you want them to know what they did right so they can repeat it. And keep them in an ongoing training program. This gives them a voice of confidence, and carefully chosen training will further contribute. to their effectiveness. As accomplishments mount, self-confidence and ability grow in other areas as well. The more we accomplish, the larger our view of our enormous capacity for creative growth. It's been said, there are really no business problems that aren't really people problems that impact business decisions and outcomes. Solicit feedback from the bottom up rather than make edicts and policies from the top down. To become a giant in the eyes of others and to succeed in the 21st century, look up to those beneath you. Total success is the continuing involvement in the pursuit of a worthy ideal which is being realized for the benefit of others rather than at their expense. And success is the process of learning and sharing and growing. Learn how others feel. And consider where they're coming from before criticizing or passing judgment. And even if you can't feel for everyone you meet with sympathy, be certain that you feel with every living thing you encounter, called empathy. The best leaders and managers in the world look for value and pay value often to members of their team. Their motto is, if you win, then I win too. Develop that magic touch. Reach out today and tonight and tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life and give someone the value of your attention. Remember, a touch is worth 1,000 words of text messages. Text messages are the most impersonal forms of communication. They're the enemy of intimacy. Your personal physical presence, being there with your employees, Being there with your loved ones. The most important motivational message in the world is, I'm here for you because I care for you. You're worth my full attention right now. Being there in person to encourage and support others is the ultimate expression of empowerment. Confucius gave us sage advice many centuries ago, which is as relevant today as it was in antiquity. They must often change who would be content in happiness and wisdom. The secret to enjoying the greatest benefits of life is to smell the roses through the journey and not wait for the destination. The consensus is that the 2 greatest tragedies in life are never to have had a great dream to strive for and ever to have fully reached it. You see, happiness seems to be associated more with the daily Experience of the journey rather than the fleeting moment of the recognition of having arrived. Success, then, is the process of learning, sharing, growing, and welcoming change. Of all the wisdom that I've gained, the most important is the knowledge that time and health are two precious assets that we rarely recognize or appreciate until they've been depleted. As with health, Time is the raw material of life. You can use it wisely or waste it or even kill it. To accomplish all that we're capable of, we would need 100 lifetimes. If we had forever, there'd be no need to set goals or plan effectively or set priorities. Yet in reality, we're given only this one lifespan on earth to do our earthly best. Each human being now living has exactly 168 hours per week. Scientists can't invent more minutes, and even the super-rich can't buy more hours. Queen Elizabeth I of England, the richest, most powerful woman on earth of her era, whispered these final words on her deathbed: All of my possessions for a moment of time. You see, we worry about the things we want to do but can't instead of doing the things we can do But don't. How often have you said to yourself, Where did the day go? I accomplished nothing, or I can't even remember what I did yesterday? Well, that time is gone, and you never get it back. Staring at the compelling distractions on a television screen or your computer or your tablet screen is one of the major consumers of time. You can enjoy and benefit from the very best it has to offer in about 7 total hours of viewing per week. The irony is that the entertainers and athletes that we're watching are having fun achieving their own goals, making money, having us look at them enjoying their careers. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire today. Time management contains one great paradox: no one has enough time, and yet everyone alive has all there is. You see, time is not the problem. The problem is separating the urgent from the important. Every decision we make has an opportunity cost. Every decision forfeits all other opportunities that we had before we made it. We can't be 2 places at the same time. We all face tradeoffs. You know, there is a true example I like to quote called Bicycle Versus Mother. Lee is a precocious 8-year-old boy, and both his parents work. His mother is a management consultant, and she travels frequently. After being away for several days in a row, she arrived home late one night and hugged her son. He said, Mom, I missed you. Why were you away for so long? And she smiled and replied, Well, one of the reasons I was away was to make enough money to buy you the bicycle you wanted. And young Lee looked at her reflectively and stated, Mom, I really did want the bicycle, but mothers are more important than bicycles, so please stay home more. Even though we all are aware of the tradeoffs of quality time versus quantity time in our relationships, We're not used to thinking specifically about how our decisions cost us other opportunities. And without this understanding, our decisions will often be unfocused and unrelated to helping us achieve our most important goals. You may have heard the story about the analogy of the circus juggler to each of us as we try to balance our personal and professional priorities. When the circus juggler drops a ball, he lets it bounce and picks it up on the next bounce without losing his rhythm or concentration. He keeps right on juggling. Many times we do the same thing. We lose our jobs but get another one on the first or second bounce. We may drop the ball on a sale or an opportunity to move ahead or in a relationship, and we either pick it up on the next bounce or get a new one thrown in to replace what we just dropped. However, some of the balls or priorities that we juggle don't bounce. The more urgent priorities associated with self-imposed deadlines and workloads have more elasticity than the precious, delicate relationships, which are as fragile as fine crystal. Balance involves distinguishing between the priorities we juggle that bounce From the ones labeled loved ones, health, and moral character that may shatter if we drop them. The reason we always ask our seminar attendees to engage in the Wheel of Life exercise involving 8 important aspects of your life is so you can arrange them in the true order of importance to you and give them a sufficient amount of attention as you juggle them within their time constraints. Handle your priorities with care. Some of them just don't bounce. We've found that a 90-day cycle of success to be a wonderful unit of time. It's a time period that's long enough to plan for, begin, work hard at, and accomplish certain objectives. And at the same time, it isn't a year from now or forever. It is a short enough time to generate real motivation and results. Freedom from urgency— that's what will allow us to live a rich and rewarding life. You may have thought that your problem was time starvation when, in truth, it was in the way you assigned your priorities in your decision-making process. Have you allowed the urgent to crowd out the important? Each day we'll continue to encounter deadlines that we need to meet And fires not necessarily of our own making that we must put out. Endless urgent details will always beg for attention, time, and energy. What we seldom realize is that the really important things in our life don't make such strict demands on us, and therefore we usually assign them a lower priority. Our loved ones understand when we're preoccupied with our urgent business. But it's hard for us to understand many years later why they appear preoccupied when we finally find some time for them. All the important arenas in our life are there awaiting our decisions, but they don't beg us to give them our time. The local university doesn't call us to advance our education and improve our life skills. I've never received a call or email from the health club that I joined insisting that I show up and work out for 30 minutes a day. And my bathroom scale has never insisted that I lose 30 pounds. The grocery clerks have never made me put back on the shelves the junk food that I put in the cart, nor has a fast-food restaurant ever refused me a double cheeseburger and large fries because of my high cholesterol. Nor have I ever been subpoenaed by the ocean or the mountains to appear for relaxation or solitude. Yet I receive hundreds of urgent texts, voicemails, other messages, emails each week from people with deadlines. You see, it's the easiest thing in the world to neglect the important and give in to the urgent. One of the greatest skills that you can ever develop in your life is not only to tell the two apart but to be able to assign the correct amount of Time to each. Beginning tomorrow, throughout the day, and every day thereafter, stop and ask yourself this question: Is what I'm doing right now important to my health, well-being, and mission in life, and for my loved ones? Your affirmative answer will free you forever from the tyranny of the urgent. Change masters live in harmony and balance. They learn from the past, but they don't live there anymore. And they set goals in the specific foreseeable future, which gives their everyday activities richness and purpose. And then they live and love and respond and enjoy the present, that only moment of time over which we have any control. Now, and it's gone. Now, and it's history. Success is how you collect your minutes. You spend millions of minutes to reach one triumph and then a few hundred minutes enjoying it. If you're unhappy through the millions of minutes, what good are the hundreds of minutes in triumph? The true changemasters in life see their total person in such a fully formed perspective that they literally become part of the big picture of life and it in them. They've learned to know themselves intimately, They learn to see themselves through the eyes of others. Becoming a true change master in life is to look in the mirror and to see the person you wanted you to be. From this moment on, when you talk to yourself, talk with all due respect. If you want respect, set a respectable example. And if you want to be loved, be lovable. Ralph Waldo Emerson A revered American philosopher captured the essence of fulfillment, which I have above my desk to remind me of my additional mission beyond financial profit. Emerson says, how do you measure success? To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, a redeemed social condition, or a job well done, to know that even one other life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded, and this is the real measure of inner wealth. So you and I live every minute as if it were our last, And we look for the good, we help to create change masters among the others that we touch within it. For each of us, the clock is always running. There are no timeouts, no substitutions, but there's still time to win. We've got to remember to step back from the canvas of life and gain perspective like an artist constantly shading a painting that's being improved every day. Look at the total person and ask yourself, how do I fit into my family, my company, my profession, my community, the nation, the world, its creation? And consider the ecological cycle, the double win. If I help you win, I win. If nature wins, then we all win. Since change is the rule, Why not become its ruler? The future is in your hands now that you've become a member of that special top 1% in the world who are known as the change masters. And congratulations, you're one video closer to who you're meant to be. Believe. To get more advice from the legendary Earl Nightingale, check the video right there next to me. I think you'll love it. Continue to believe, and I'll see you I'd like to tell you about the strangest secret in the world. Not long ago, Albert Schweitzer, the great doctor and Nobel Prize winner, was being interviewed in London, and a reporter asked him, Doctor, what's wrong with men today?