#450 Judgers, Blamers, and Other Sorts

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I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Welcome to Flow Dre. Before we get started, a really quick note. If you found this show on itunes or by downloading the Flow Dreaming podcast app, it would mean so much if you took a moment to review it. That is how other people will find this show and get the same great value out of it that I hope you are getting. So my huge thanks and sparkles and.

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Welcome to Flow Dreaming. Hey, Everybody. I'm Summer McSteravic. It's so lovely to be with you all today. I am just still typing show notes. Unfortunately, they're going on and on and on and on. I'd have to reduce this down somehow. I like to spend each one of our shows, our episodes, exploring a different topic related to your mind, your consciousness, to what I call flow energy or flow state, where we are able to create marvelous things, magical things in our lives. We learn how to use energy to manifest our future, to manifest our desires. We learn about the patterns and blocks that are inside of us, that are constantly being communicated to our future and therefore manifesting things that are all screwed up. And we learn how to get rid of that. We also learn about our empathic intuition. We delve into that, what it means to be able to read this same energy, understanding that the world can be read from or written to. You can read a book or you can write words down in a book, and that is exactly how flow works. That's how our universe works. You either fall on the side of manifesting or you fall on the side of intuition, depending on what you're doing. And yes, you can be doing both almost at the same time. Creating a feeling, checking in with the feeling. Is it right, wrong. Then moving into another feeling. Gets pretty sophisticated as you advance into this art, this process of flow, dreaming, and the way we look at the world. So today's program is about judges. No, not judges, judgers. I know it's totally made up. Judgy people and judgers just selling you off the top. Totally made up. Word. But I think you know what I'm saying. So judgy people, blamers and other sorts whose framework you don't want or need to fit into. How do you deal with difficult people? How do you deal with the people who criticize you? What does it mean when they do? What does it mean about you? Are you really that bad, awful, horrible person? Are you really doing everything so wrong? I'm going to take a look at this today and especially dissect the energy exchange that goes on between the attacker and the attacked. And I know attacker may sound like a harsh word to use, but energetically, one person is doing the aggressive judgment and the other person is receiving, is the recipient of that judgment, the passive. So one is active, one is passive, one is doing the action, one is doing the receiving. And when you're being criticized, it can sure feel like being attacked. It's definitely worth looking into. And I've never done a show about this. And oh my God, I've had so much experience with it too. I get criticized all the time, constantly. There are lots and lots and lots of people who don't like me or they like me for a while and then they stop liking me because I cross some line with them. I cross some. Some border. I'm growing in a direction. They're growing in a direction and we're no longer meeting. I'm saying, here's where I'm fascinated. This is what I'm doing. This is who I am. This is what is working for me. And the other person will say, doesn't work for me anymore. I don't like it. I don't like where you're going, and I don't want to be part of it. And you better change if you want me to stick around, you know? And that's where a lot of our disagreements come up, right? I mean, that's a classic family disagreement right there. Classic friend disagreement. It can even be applied to co workers, to customers or clients. Everybody is affected. Relationships are. Relationships are relationships. And when you're in the back and forth of the critical energy exchange really doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. So let's start with a few ideas and then we're going to, of course, do some flow dreaming later on in the show. I'm going to get you back in alignment. We're going to shake off all the judgers, all the blamers, all the critics. We're going to just let them go. Loosen that energy up and out of your life. You really don't need it. You really don't need it. And as you let those kind of energies go and let those people go away from you, there's a funny and kind of wonderful side benefit, which is you yourself will recognize where you are doing it to others and probably back off, right? You'll probably take it down a notch because you'll start to see, oh, this was happening to me and I was doing it to there. And you really start to see yourself in the position of the. The food chain, the judgy food chain. All right, so really good show. Really core ability to have in your life. You don't need to carry other people's criticism around. It is a burden that is unnecessary to your growth. Now, caveat. Some criticism is very good. Some criticism is truly a course correction for us, right? We talk about that. We frame it in the term of resistance. Where are we getting resistance from? Flow resistance can be the person who says no. It can be the opportunity that never really, you know, comes about. It can be the relationship that suddenly stalls out. All of these can be a form of resistance. Saying no, the way you're doing it is not right. This is not your easiest path. This is not the best for you. Let's try something else. There's a better, more flowing, open way. We are going to get a great deal more benefit, right? So let's start as you grow as a person, right? And that's what you're doing. By default, you can't not grow. So I'll just. By default, if you're listening, you're growing every day. You are changing. You're adding something to yourself. You have a full 24 hours worth of experience now that you didn't have before. So on this quote unquote path to enlightenment, you are daily adding to your wisdom and knowledge, and daily you're choosing the kinds of experiences that you want to bring into yourself and your life, which daily is slightly transforming you a bit at a time. You're saying, I'm picking more of this and less of that. I'm picking the choice of being a good mom, picking my kids up after school, getting them to activities. I am choosing the choice of making healthy dinners. I'm choosing the choice of not going to the gym and allowing myself to get. Get unfit and overweight. Right? We're making, we're choosing ourselves every day, every moment. Choice, choice, choice, choice. Experience. Experience based on what we're doing. You're growing. As you grow bigger, as you push yourself out into areas that you haven't explored before that are less comfortable for you, right? I've used the example quite a bit this last year about business and work because it's an easy area for people to play in. There's not as much potential emotional blowback. But for instance, as you start increasing your income and as people in the office start noticing that you're getting, you know, better and better reports and your, your boss is loving you more, right? There starts to get a sense of jealousy, envy, criticism, right? Believe me, I know. I've been there. I have seen this happen over and over. I have seen and you know, woman after woman get promoted, right? And immediately the rumors start flying. Well, because she slept with her male boss. I mean, haven't you guys all heard that? And after you hear it about the fourth time or the fifth time, you think to yourself, God, that guy is just not that good looking. He couldn't have slept with all of those women. Maybe this isn't true, right? But it's the feeling. It's like there's a zeitgeist that comes up of, well, there must be a reason why. There must be something bad. There must. She's not deserving of it or this or that. And that's just in the workplace, right? What about in family? What about when you're the person who decides, I'm going to, you know, move across country, I want to live out there. And your family says, why are you leaving us? Why? Who do you think you are? You're not going to do well out there. It's going to be hard to find a job out there. And you feel like I'm just choosing a different life. I'm just choosing to explore why aren't you happy for me? I really don't understand. I don't understand what's going on here. Is that the people who are criticizing you, they're trying to put you into their own framework, right? Imagine that they're all walking around carrying these window screens and they're looking at you through the screen. That screen is their opinions, their judgments, their sense of right. And wrong. Their rationalizations and justifications for why they have the stuff in their life that they have right, and they want to be generally right about all this. Nobody likes to walk around feeling like they're kind of wrong about everything. So they're really invested in these beliefs and judgments that they have. And when they're looking at you or someone else or their job or their partner, they're looking at this person through the framework of their own rationalizations and justifications for who they are and how well they have done. Now, you've heard this before, right? When you're criticized, it's probably not about you. It's about the person doing the criticizing. And you probably wondered, what does that really mean? Because it sure as hell feels like me. You know, it's true. You are either fitting into this person's beliefs or you're challenging them. And if you're challenging them, there's a good chance that that person is getting uncomfortable because they're now having to look at their own beliefs and say, hey, guys, are you right? What if you're not how I thought you were right? And now this other person here, this other person just like me, they're being so bold as to leave town and live across the country and do something wild and fun and crazy. Well, how could they do it? And I can't? Well, obviously they're going to fail, because if they succeeded, then certainly I should have done it, too, because I always wanted to get where I'm going here. So now they're invested in you failing. They're invested in there being something wrong with you, because it's going to make them more right in their position. It's going to make them feel better about all those choices that they themselves have chosen over the years that bring them to the space they're in. Here's the thing. Most judgy people, most critical people are generally not very happy, right? Think about the happy people, you know, people you love to be around. They're generally optimistic. They're generally believers in you, in themselves, in the world. They're saying, go for it. That sounds amazing. Why? Because that's in their framework. That's in their belief system. They're always telling themselves, go for it. I believe in myself. So they're gonna say that to you. The judgy people, the critics, the people who turn on you. They're looking at themselves and they're saying, why am I not doing this? Why can't I figure this out? Why haven't I? How come you get something and I don't get it. How come. How come our sister likes you better and not me? How come your dad favors you and not me? How come the boss likes you and not me? How come you know, you're making money and I'm not making money and we're both doing the same thing and. And I know I'm as smart as you, right? Just on and on and on. So here's another thing to be aware of. In this energy exchange right now. You kind of understand the dynamic that's flowing between you and these other people, judgy people. They want something from you. They do. They want you to play their judgment game with them. They're basically, you know, sending you an invitation in the mail saying, play this game with me. They want to pull you in and get you engaged in it. If you agree, if you go along with it, if you get all hyped up and worried and hurt and angry or, you know, sad, then they have the opportunity to shore up the fact that they're right. Yeah, see, I was right. See, now I've got you all in it. You're mad, disturbed, upset. You're feeling bad about yourself. If they can get you to feel bad about yourself for something that they're saying or doing, then they're winning, right? They're winning because you're now participating. You're saying, all right, you win. Gosh, I feel bad. Feel bad. And so you're helping them be more right about themselves. And it's especially true if they're the one instigating the judgment. If they're reaching out to you and saying, here is why I don't like you anymore. Here's what you've done that is so awful. Here is why, you know, mom shouldn't like you more. Here is why, you know, your kids are not as good as my kids because they act like this and they do this and that. Here's why you're not a good parent. Here is why. Right? What they're really saying is, here's why I'm a good parent. Here's why I have more consciousness, you know, goodness in me than you. Here is why, you know, it's good for me not to have the income that you have. Here is why. Do you see? That's what they're really, really, really saying. It's not you, it's them. Now, even worse is when they're secretly holding judgment and they don't even tell you. What they're doing then is they're just allowing themselves to be right without ever Giving you the opportunity to refute it at all. You have no chance. All you know is that something doesn't feel right and you're not sure what it is. But every time you're with them, you just like, I don't know, I don't feel right. I don't feel good. It just doesn't feel. I'm uncomfortable now. You are feeling that energy. That energy is surrounding them. It's in their mind, it's in their thoughts, it's in their heart, right? They always talk about sin in the heart. You know, you could say sin is judgment or any sort of negative emotion or feeling and someone else is going to feel from you. So, and I'm not saying that the judgy person should tell you because then they're trying to engage with you or be secret. Really, we should just not be judgy at all. And that's the next thing. We're all judgy, right? We're all critics. We're all looking at other people and forming opinions about them constantly. Why? Because we all have these long pasts, all those things that we've added up as we've grown that have created us to be a particular kind of person. And we use that knowledge to form opinion after opinion as we move through life. Should I work with this person? Should I engage with them? Should I fall in love with them? Are they honest? Do they have commitment issues? Do I, you know, is this teacher going to be good for me? Is this teacher going to be good for my child? Is this a workplace that's going to fit me? Is this the gym I should go to? You know, on and on and on. We need to have the ability to create opinions and make opinions so we can make good choices. It becomes a tipping point, though, when you move from the place of opinion to engage with me so I can feel better about myself. Therefore, I'm going to say something nasty about you. I'm going to believe nasty thoughts about you because it's helping me, right? I don't believe me. Thinking nasty thoughts about someone else does not help me. Doesn't energetically. I know that. Up, down, left, right. When I'm thinking nasty, bad thoughts about people, the feeling inside me is I'm creating nasty, bad thoughts all around me. I'm swimming in my own poop. In essence, my own emotional, energetic poop. It's true. Because now I'm vibing that. Now I'm aligning to that. I'm creating that. I'm responding to that. I'm swimming in that, and that's not where I want to be. Very different than having a smart opinion. Very different. So you might also find with judgy people that they are only going to be listening to those responses. Remember how I said that they want to draw you in so that they can be right? They're just using that again to solidify that their argument is good, their rationale for their. What they're doing or why things haven't worked out for them or whatever it is is right. If you don't agree with that, what do you do? What if you don't want to engage? What if you don't want to think badly of them? What if you just want to have them leave you alone? How do you do this? How did they get stuck to you in the first place? What was going on there? You have to think of critics and judgy people as being sort of like what flows through your life. The more ground you expand, the more you grow, the more you put yourself out there, the more you'll encounter. And I know that sounds odd, but that's been my experience so far. Ask me in two or three years and I may have found the judgy people erratic, eradication technique extraordinaire. It's very possible because I too am growing. If you listen to my old podcast, I would say all the time, everything I'm telling you now may be completely revised in three years. And I hope it is, because it means I've grown and developed and expanded and learned even more, right? But at this point, what I notice is as I grow, as I gain more ground, as I get more truthful with the people I love and care about, I find I become more and more choosy about whose opinions I truly value. If my best friend or my mom or someone like that is giving me their opinion and I'm feeling criticism in it, I'm likely to say, hey, where is this coming from? Why is this triggering something in you? Have I really behaved badly? Have I been a jerk? If I have, I totally apologize, right? I like to own up and say, hey, you're right, I've been a big jerk. I've been short sighted. I've been out of balance. I've been whatever it is because I care enough to engage and I care enough to challenge them in their judginess because I love them. I don't want to see them hang on to it or hold onto it. But I also notice that there are a lot of people you encounter as you continue to grow that are just like, well, it's like a farmer, right, who decides to adopt a new field. You know, he's got the one or she's got the one that they've already been plowing for years and years, right. Most the critics are gone. Most of judgy people are out. They're pretty well in alignment with, you know, everybody that is in alignment with them, right. It's all a good happy field. There's no stones and no weeds. Farmer now says, I want to go get that field over there. And that might be your new workplace, that might be the new neighborhood and the new neighbors that might be new customers or new clients, that might be new parents that your kids, you know, bring home, kids friends bring bring into your life, new in laws, you know, people you get thrown together with people in the new field, you're going to have to weed the field till it weed it, pull the rocks out of it. Allow the critical people, the judgmental people to ebb away from you. How does flow help you do this? Right. How does flow help you do this? Well, think of flow as always being on your side, always having your back, always having your best interests at heart. And you have, of course, a conscience. I'm assuming you all do. Talking to those of you who do, assuming there's no psychopaths out there, I hope not. So when you're evaluating, why is this difficult person arriving in my life? Do I love them and care about them enough to fully engage and say what's going on with you? And if you do that and their response back to you is even more violent and upset and aggressive, what do you do? Well, remember flow that has your back. I move into flow. I recognize the energy between myself and this other person doesn't match. I am not fitting in their framework in a way that's comfortable for me because in their framework I'm showing up as the villain. I'm showing up as the over privileged one. I'm showing up as the favorited one. I'm showing up as the, I don't know, what are other things that people judge us on so often feel envious of, angry about anything like that. I'm showing up to the person like that. All right, so obviously our flows called us together because there's something that we both could have learned from this, right? Maybe they're learning how to pull back and say, I don't want to fill up my life with all this crude, you know, that's why, you know, filing lawsuits and things like that, the extension of crud into more Crud and more crud. Oh, that is. That is huge energy that is being diverted away from you and your life. So same with giant family dramas. You know, when people try and pull, you know, everybody in the family in on their side, right. They're escalating it. And you're sitting here saying, I don't want to be part of that. I know we were pulled together for some reason, and so I'm going to look at it on my side, and you can look at it on your side. But if I've already done the tug of war with you and the response has been to escalate instead of calming down and just, like, working it out, right, that's the first thing I do. Of course, I see, how do I want to play with this? Do I want to play their game or not? Is it worth it to me? And if I determine. No, it's not. I just. They don't belong in my field. I don't belong in their field either, because all I'm doing is causing them distress. Then I go back and say, flo, you know what? I think I've learned what I need from this. I have learned that I don't desire or need this criticism. I've looked deeply in myself, and I saw what it triggered in me. The trigger in me, for instance, often with us, is I did something that I felt true and strong about, and there was fallout from it. I increased something about myself. I grew. I showed myself. You know, I work with a lot of coaches, and they have this issue of showing themselves up to the world. They're like, I know I can do this. I'm great. I do it for everybody. I know, all my friends. But the thought of charging somebody and putting myself out there as a true authority, it's like, you know, you're just telling yourself you're not an authority if you're already doing it, you're the authority. This is all about you and your insecurity. You don't want to be seen because you don't want to be judged. If no one's paying you, you think, well, they're not going to judge me. They're not going to criticize me. I'm not going to come up short. My insecurities won't be exposed. Right? So this is what I'm getting at. We're looking inside of ourselves. What is it that got triggered in me? What insecurities were there? Because that's good for me to see. I want to see that. I want to see that because I'm Noticing that maybe this is one of the things that prevents me from going bigger in my life. You know that fear, right? That's the old saying. Don't upset the apple cart. Why not? Why not? Upsetting the apple cart generally means someone's running and racing and they hit it on accident. Right? Every movie you've ever seen, there goes the fruit cart. So if you want to grow, you're going to encounter these upset apples and you're going to decide, do I engage or not? If you don't want to engage. Hey, Flo, I want to let go of this. I think I've understood the reasoning behind this. I think I've understood what I need to do. I know how to plug the holes in my boat. I had to do a whole show on that. Plugging the holes in your boat. It's been my favorite phrase lately. That means seeing the things in your life that need to be shored up, that need to be fixed, need to be tinkered with. Right? And if you have an influx of critical people, they're probably pointing something out to you. Fix this. You have an insecurity about being seen, about rising up, about your pricing, about asking for raises, about your relationships. Right. If you're afraid I can't ask my boyfriend this because I don't know if we're ready and I don't know how he'll respond and I might chase him away. Right? You're fearing his judgment. You're fearing his criticism. You're fearing him blaming you. You're fearing it'll be my fault that he ran away. Why would you do that? It's not your fault. It's his choice. You will be true to yourself in trying to delicately navigate that well, perhaps to a degree, be sensitive, but be true. Be true to yourself. Don't go small. Don't hold back. That's ultimately what judgy people often expose in us. Oh, someone said something mean about me. I better go hide for a while. I better pull back. Oh, my gosh. Everybody knows that I got a divorce. I better go hide and pull back. I did. I totally failed on that. Right? I'm pulling back. Why would you do that? Just plug the hole. Plug the hole. And the hole is you accept that criticism when you shouldn't, when it doesn't belong to you. It's that other person's framework and not yours. So I'm going to end up with just this, or actually, I'm not. I'm not gonna end up with anything. We're gonna go to a Quick break. And then I'm going to tell you that last thing that Flo can do with you, which I keep almost getting to before I get diverted. How Flo will help you with this. So stay with me after this quick break. Oh, by the way, you can call in as well during any live program I tape every Tuesday at noon. Go to my website. You're gonna find the live call in number. And I'm happy to look at you and your life. I love to look at judgy, all your critics, bring them on and see what I can do to help you. All right, so we'll be back in just a few minutes.

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All right, so here we go, wrapping this up. Your Flow. What happens then? Where we left off? Got some judgy people about you, Some people you're a little afraid of. Your boyfriend isn't talking to you. You think he's thinking bad things about you. You think he's. Whatever it may be, I'm going to just shift and kind of go into relationships for a moment here. When your Flow hears this from you when it feels you tense up, when it feels you start to absorb this criticism or the potential for criticism, and you begin to hold back. Flow is watching. It's feeling. You are this. You are behaving this now. You are manifesting this. Maybe you're fearing that bad things will happen to you if you get notoriety.

Or if you have a great job.

Or your kids keep winning at the soccer tournaments. Maybe you're feeling like when your family gets together to complain and. And you've grown out of that, it's going to just disturb everything. So you're holding back. You don't want to be different or criticized. Flow's absorbing this. What it's hearing is, don't let me grow so much that I get fallout. Don't let me grow so much that I start to get criticized. Don't let me grow so much that I start to get judged. Flo says, did you hear that? Don't let her grow or expand any more than this amount. So let's stop giving him all of these opportunities that we had lined up. Oh, and he also believes that if he does grow or expand, he's going to get fallout. He's going to get jealous business partners. He's going to get, you know, angry, an angry wife. He's going to be stressed out all the time. He's going to have people always trying to steal his ideas and things or copy him. All the stuff that goes on. Right? That's fallout. And if that's inside of you, if you're preparing for that, then Flo is preparing for it, too. Flo is. Flo says he's expecting it. Let's give it. We're going to match. We're going to match you absolutely up and down. So what I do instead is say things and feel things like this to myself in my flow. As I'm flow dreaming, I do a flow dream that says, as I grow and expand in my life in any and all areas, personal growth, my spiritual self, my work and ambition, career in my family. As I grow in my relationships, my critics fall away and they go find other people to complain about. Even though I'm expanding in the new fields, I'm like a tractor and they're like little gophers and they are running for someone else's field because I've decided I don't want to align to that. I don't want to be in it, and I don't want to be part of it. I don't want to be brought down to that. Because if I start getting brought down to that, I'm going to start playing small, and I'll probably start retracting out of fear because I'll start believing if I grow, I'm going to get fallout. So instead, my critics are running away from me as fast as they can. They lose interest. They don't want to have anything to do with me. And instead, I'm aligning. I'm putting all of my focus on this. I'm aligning with whomever and whatever leads me to greater joy and true growth, true personal awareness. And this is a really important point, because sometimes you do get feedback. That's very true. Just like sometimes you'll see something and you'll, you know, like, imagine someone mistreating an animal, and you're like, judgy. What do you do? Do you go, oh, well, Summer said not to be judgy. Better let that happen. No, no, no, no. That would be a complete misreading of this, right? Of course, if it were me and the animal, I'd step right in and call animal control and call the police and guy go all the way, because that person needs to be shown that and seen that. On the other hand, if it's something that I feel is really not about saving something of, you know, precious value, defending, right? We all have our lines in the sand. For me, I defend animals. I defend kids. You know, I defend people who are, you know, elderly, disabled, who are unable to speak for themselves, for instance. Those would all get me triggered to say, I'm gonna get really judgy about this right now. Where am I going with this? Right? There's a kind of zone. I guess you could just describe it. It's really hard to put into the words where you want to take that action and engage yourself, because it feels right to do it, feels good to do it. You feel happier about yourself. You feel happier about the world. And then there's a kind of judgment or criticism where you don't feel happy about yourself. You feel like, this is weighing me down. This is pulling me under. This is making me feel heavy. This is making me feel like I'm swimming in my own poop. That's it. That's that. That is the defining feeling state between these two kinds of judgment. It only took me 40 minutes to reach it, but precisely put it into words. That is how you know if this judgment that you're receiving is good or not good or the judgment that you're receiving is. Or sending, rather, is good or not good. Right? So just. Just hold that feeling. If you get anything out of the show, that's really the best summary point I could give you some judgment and criticism. Offers you a feeling of, this is right. This is righteous. I feel wonderful. This is where I improve life, improve the world, improve anything. If my friend asks me for some advice and she says, I really need your help and I'm wide open and I trust you and I love you, what do I do? Right. Give your judgy opinion right there. Give your criticism because you're doing it with this great sense of love, and it's being received with a great sense of love. If there's a situation, though, where you're feeling just awful and icky, and every time you think about it makes you madder than hell, let it go. Let it go. That's not your thing, right? It's not coming from love. It's not done with love. All right. I know that there's still so many shades of gray in that to interpret it. This is a tough one, really, to wrap into an hour. This is more like, I think, a chapter of a book. So to get back in my flow, I'm starting to say, you know, align me to people who lead me to greater joy. Align me to those people who will show me those holes in my boat that I need to plug, because I need that, but in such a way that it feels good. Like, hey, Summer, did you know that this is kind of falling apart over here? We should take care of this. Oh, gosh, you're right. We should totally take care of this. Yeah. Because it's causing this, this and this and et cetera, et cetera, that's causing problems and disruption and, you know. Do you want to take care of this? Yes, I do. Why? Because I care about this, and I love this, and I care about you and I love you. Right. Is that a conversation you could have with a family member? What is Flo hearing now? Flow's not hearing me go small. It's not hearing me pull back. It's not hearing me expect any fallout. It's hearing me be in my power and in my energy. Right. And I further put into my flow a sense of the people who love me. They're cheering for me, and I'm cheering for them. If I do something well, I show them how I succeed. If they do something well, I applaud them. Right. We're lifting each other up. We're not looking at each other and knocking each other down. That's the kind of people I love to have in my life. And sometimes they're people who are very far ahead of me. You know, they're emotionally ahead of me. They're more wise than me. They're. They have, you know, better careers than I do. They have better relationships. And I'm always sitting there on the verge of a choice. Do I find a way to bring them down a notch so I feel comfortable about that and feel comfortable with my place next to them? Or do I look at them and say, how did you do that? Gosh, I would love to know. That's amazing. You've just. You've shown me it can be done. Thank you. I celebrate with you. I have a feeling that whatever you did to earn or create this was magical. And I so honor you for that. I so respect you for that. I'm in awe of that. What did you do to get that? Show me that. So what we're talking up here is about really just a way of approaching everything. It's what energy states do you choose to be in? And the people around you, what energy states are they trying to get you in? Be conscious. Be aware. There you go. You know, this officially qualifies as one of my rambly shows. I knew it was going to be a tough one. That's why I wrote all these dang notes. All of you guys who've listened to me over the years, you know, every. Every now and then you get a real rambler, just like, where is she going now? What was the topic again? All right, let's get to some calls, and then. And let's clear out all that judgy criticism. Right? The people who judge us and criticize us and likewise our criticizing and judging of others, which I didn't really harp on as much today. It was more about. Harp on. Listen to that. See, I'm already. I'm already using judgy language. It's more about how we navigate when people are judging and criticizing us. What do we do with it? Right, Katie? I see that you're calling. It looks like Montana. Is that right?

Montana?

Yeah. Katie. Or is it. Where is that?

No, Missouri.

Ah, Missouri. Hi, Katie. Hey. Are you one of my MI schoolers? I am. Oh, we spoke. We spoke. It's good to talk with you again. Okay. What's up? Hi.

Okay, so I think I have a pretty good idea externally as far as, like, judgment with others and everything. But my hardest, like, criticism and judgment is, like, with myself.

Yeah.

And especially, like, around, like, body image and, you know, body weight and something I've been, like, struggling for. And, like, I Feel like I've been growing so much, but it's just this one thing that's kind of like been holding me back. And I don't know if you could just like, if there's any like, any advice or like what I can. Yeah, there's something deeper and I just can't get to it or figure out what's going on.

So, yeah, this really does shift the conversation because self criticism, you're really talking about self love at this point, right? Self love criticism of others is usually because we're trying to get something from that other person. We want them to validate us. Right. That's why we're harassing them, because we want them to validate that our opinion is right, that we're right, that we don't need to change, that there's nothing wrong with us, blah, blah, blah, blah, or, you know, them. It's a different dynamic completely. When you're criticizing your own self, whether you're criticizing your body or you're criticizing mistakes that you've made or things you've done in the past, the feeling really is I don't love myself for that. I don't love myself for that. There's something wrong with it. There's something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. Or I did fix it and I did that badly. So I'm just a big mess. I'm not worth it. I'm not as good as. Right. So do you feel how the energy is kind of charting into a different territory?

Mm, right.

I'm just gonna look at you briefly and your body. You know, when you're looking at your body, you've done a lot of comparing of yourself. Lots of it. Lots and lots of comparing. It's almost like you compare before you do anything else. Have you ever noticed that about yourself? How do I look compared to so and so? How do I look compared to this ideal? How do I look compared? Compared. Compared to. What I'd love to see you do is just sit down inside yourself and spend some time really assessing you without any outside comparisons.

Okay.

This will be a strange exercise because I think you're going to find that you can't really think about your body without instantly trying to mirror it against something else that looks better in your mind. I think you'll have a hard time with it. In other words, whereas you could just look at your body and say, I like my skin. I don't like my skin. I like my belly fat. I don't like my belly fat. Why Don't I like my belly fat? Well, because it doesn't look like the flat belly that I see on US magazine covers all the time. Right. You'll start to see where a lot of that self love is. The comparison shopper problem. Right. You're always going to come up short. There will always be a better model out there than you and that's a whole energy field that has to be loosened and let go of. Okay, so let's start with that. Okay.

Okay.

I want to know where you formed all these comparisons, why they're there and what instead. If you could, if you had none of these comparisons, let's say all of your comparisons were alien beings that were £400 and you couldn't, you couldn't compare yourself. In fact, you looked great compared to all of them. How would you then feel? Would you still be as critical about yourself? Would you still be so unloving with yourself if you had to compare yourself to 400 pound green skinned aliens?

Definitely not.

Yeah, not right. That's an energy switch that, you know, once you flick it, flick it a few times in your head, feel that, feel that new comparison take place and then allow that energy to deepen and begin to dominate you. And then you're, then you're going to start looking at other people, walk, watching them walk around and you're going to say, huh, that's their body. That's what they got. That's cool for them or that sucks for them, depending on your judginess. Okay?

Okay.

But that doesn't have anything to do with your own body. Yeah. All right. That's the best I can do in five minutes, my dear.

Okay, thank you.

Good to hear from you. Sending you love. Bye. All right, one quick break and when we get back, let's drop some of these critical energies in our lives. Stay with me. Oh, we're on break again.

So while you're waiting, here are a few suggestions I think you'll get a lot out of. First, on my website@flowdreaming.com you can pick up a free gift basket or gift bag however you want to look at.

It right now from me.

I put together a 30 minute tutorial on how to flow dream and then I gave you a flow dream to start, start practicing with. This saves me from having to reteach the basics on every show and it gives you the first step to creating a freaking amazing new life.

So find this free gift for me.

Right now on my home page. You just pop in your email and I will be able to send it to you pretty quickly, right away.

Next.

You know what underwrites this podcast? My Manifesting shop@flow dreaming.com I have the most amazing playlists there. I've worked hard on these for over a decade. I've tested them all. I know what works. They're on all kind of topics. How to get a new job, how to go bigger, how to lose weight, remove all your blocks around money, or opening yourself to the right kind of partner. So much to go through. And the playlists, they are powerful and effective. Crazy effective. In fact, my inbox is full every day with thank you notes from People have used my Flow dreams and become lottery winners. They've just gotten married or received huge bonuses. They've cured themselves of depression and health issues. Really is astounding. So go visit the manifesting store@flowdreaming.com and see what you want to begin changing in your life.

Foreign. Welcome back to Flow Dreaming. By the way, that little, that little note that just played there about the playlist, do check those out. They are phenomenal. I have playlists for releasing negativity and negative people out of your life. I have playlists for self love, generating huge quantities of it. Big bushels full of self love. It's all there. And Flow dreaming, of course, is a way that we do re, shape or contour our own personal emotional landscape. Right? Who we are, how we feel about ourselves is what we manifest, is what we create. And when we flow dream, we're doing it in a hyped up, super powerful way. So check out the playlist. They really can help you quite a bit. Okay, let's go and do some Flow Dreaming together. Now. Flow dreaming is definitely not meditation. It's not hypnosis. It is not even guided imagery. It is something special. It's a hybrid. What we've done is we've taken your natural ability to daydream, which is pretty much when you just kind of find yourself drifting off and then pretty soon you realize that you've been thinking about a whole bunch of stuff and you've kind of forgotten what you were thinking. But there were people in it and images and all kinds of things, right? Your body is always doing this, your brain, your consciousness is always drifting off and in essence checking in, right? It's working stuff through. Now when we flow and we daydream, we're not just daydreaming locked inside our heads any longer. We are daydreaming in what I call flow space, which think of it like there is the physical self and the non physical self, right? The non physical world. And when you are in a daydream, you're kind of halfway between both, right? You're in your brain, but you've lost all track of time. Time passes, you don't feel fully physical. Well, what if flow is another name or way of saying the non physical world where you occupy a stream of energy, of life, the past, the present, the future. And if you're going to drop into flow, you're dropping into the alignment of that. The alignment of you as you evolve, as you grow, as you expand, you're dropping into that, you're daydreaming that you can feel this, you're making this up, right? Just start by making it up. It's not like you get a big green confirmation light as soon as you get into flow and it says you're really here. That doesn't happen. What does end up happening though is as you start to daydream and conjure up this feeling of I'm in a beautiful flowing space, my life is flowing perfectly. There is a field of no resistance, there is a path of no resistance. There are ways that anything I want to experience could come about and show up for me in my life. I feel it. It just like water will always find its way downhill to the sea. Even if it has to get stopped up sometimes in dams and and holding areas. Eventually it's just going to find another path and it's going to make its way down. My flow is the same way. It will find the path, it will find the way. I am finding that I am that, that path of least resistance, that path of greatest good and expansion. And I know because I have a consciousness, a consciousness that wants to expand, wants to grow, wants to get bigger. Now what do I do when I get into this flow state? How do I interact with it? I've daydreamed it. I'm pretending I see things and feel things now. Well, we talk to it through our emotional self. The images, the imagery, the visuals, those are just for fun, right? That's just the window dressing. Your emotions are what are really plugging into flow. Your emotions. The feeling of I'm in this state of perfect unity that is right between physical and non physical. That's part of both. I feel my life flowing and moving with great ease, harmony. It's like a current carrying me. And there are other feelings I want to create for myself while I'm here. Because whatever I create for myself is what flow hears and responds to. It's what my life offers up to me next. So here I'm going to flow a feeling that I don't have a lot of criticism in my life. So close your eyes with me if you haven't already. Breathe deeply and bring up that sense. You're a flowing being moving through time, moving through space, moving just as the earth is spinning right now and you are on it. Your flow has a direction that's already been set, like a ball that's been thrown. There is a perfect path for you, an arc of alignment. That's your expansion. And you have great choices in this alignment, in this arc, as you move forward and collect all kinds of experiences, all of your choices, whatever you want to gather and bring to you, you can have in this life. And we. And one of them, you're saying to yourself, is a choice that I don't need to have a lot of critical and difficult people around me, nor do I want to be a critical and difficult person. I don't want that energy coming into me, and I don't want that energy going out to other people from me. Because as I feel the energy of what criticism, blame, and judgment, it feels like I like a sticky sticker, something that catches in your socks as you walk through a field. That feeling of all these little prickers and stickers hanging on to me, that's judgment. That's criticism. I neither give it nor receive it. If I want to grow, I want to grow through openness, through harmony, through a beautiful sense of engagement. That's how I wish to grow. That is how I grow. And I release anything else that is not in perfect and gorgeous alignment with that. And you feel the release and you let it go right now, whoosh. Just goes out of you. And now that you've completed that, you can open your eyes and come back from your daydream. And that, in fact, wraps our show for the week. So my love to you all and I will see you again next week for hopefully another interesting program. Take care, everybody. Bye, love. Well, look at that. Show's over.

But before you go, did you know that my mom has a podcast, too? Her show show airs live right after mine. It comes up next, we tape our.

Live shows back to back.

Her show is called the Dear Venus show. So stay listening and you can call in or look it up live on itunes if you're listening via podcast.