#474 Create Strong Healthy Boundaries

Flow Dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief, and that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Oh, my God. You were so on target. You are so amazing. I can't thank you enough. Breathe. It is the feeling that you bring forward. It is your emotional connection that really sets the tone for what is going to be happening to you and for you. And you know that feeling, when you touch it, it just spreads through you. Thank you for taking my call. I don't know why I feel like crying. I think I just feel your love. Of course. And I think I'm gonna get some ANSWERS. I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Welcome to Flow Dreaming, the fourth flow. Before we get started, a really quick note. If you found this show on itunes or by downloading the Flow Dreaming podcast app, it would mean so much if you took a moment to review it. That is how other people will find this show and get the same great value out of it that I hope you're getting. So my huge thanks and sparkles and flow, go to all of you who just take that few moments to go write a quick little message of telling other people. This is good. Go listen. Thanks. Now off we go to the show. And in fact, here we are. Welcome to the program. This is Flow Dreaming, and my name is Summer McStravik. If you are new, I really hope you love the hour we have ahead. We talk about ways that we affect our future using the power of our thoughts, our emotions, our consciousness, and what I call our flow. It's also a methodology that you can use for healing your present, for healing your past. Manifesting programming. So many things that we do with the technique of flow dreaming. So what's happened is over the last 10 years, my God, 10 years, we have been continuously, week by week, exploring uses for flow dreaming and for other practices that have sort of developed around flow dreaming. I refer to these as my tools. And I have two main tools at this point. One, of course, is flow dreaming, and the other is empathic intuition. This is a different kind of intuition, relies on the emotional self, and it's what I use to complement the skill of manifesting or creating. So that's what this show and this podcast covers relentlessly, which is good, because what you get to see over the span of time is the evolution of A way of thinking, behaving, kind of following my footsteps in my life, as I've put it, to, you know, to real use. Day by day, every single day, my life, continuously showing the fruits of it as well as the lives of all the many, many people who've also been flow dreaming. It's like the ULT scientific experiment, right? A 10 year study on how this concept, how this way of looking at life and energy actually impacts people. I recently have been starting to revamp my website. One of the things that I've done is put up a new page offering a kind of free introductory program to flow dreaming. And I was looking through all the testimonials that have just been logging up in my computer, discovering them, just. You ever done a search on your computer, you type in a term and like 400 hits for that term come up. I typed in, you know, testimonials and you know, results and, and I just thought, oh my God, I have like 15 different folders all over the place. And I began cataloging, putting them all together, calling in my office staff, you know, help me everybody, you know, getting people to sign releases, saying, yes, you can use these. It's extraordinary. I probably came up with 12 that I finally had to stop. I mean, just these are the 12, you know, not even the 12 best, just the 12 that I had the most access to get to everything from million dollar lottery winners, people who have received $50,000 bonuses, people who have met the men of their dreams and gotten married, boy, health anxiety conditions that have receded, lessened or almost completely faded away. Wow. I even had to step back and say to myself, this is, this is pretty interesting, this is pretty crazy how much our thinking, our emotional self, our manifesting self, our flow self drives the course of our life completely turning on its head. This concept that it's only the physical things you do that affect what happens for you, what actually comes to you. And that's what we've all been taught. It's only the physical stuff. It's only the going to college, it's only the getting the raise, it's only networking with the right people, it's only all the external stuff forgetting. Everything in our world sort of is based on this duality, right? The known, the unknown, the material, the immaterial, the physical, the spiritual. And when we walk through life forgetting, we have to cultivate the other half just as incessantly, just as well, just as often. If we forget that, we end up living a life that is really giving us half the results it could be giving us flow. Dreaming is a means of cultivating that other half. Cultivating the immaterial, cultivating the spiritual, cultivating the other side, the pre action as opposed to the action. When this starts happening, you understand that it's like suddenly discovering your other 50% of your power of yourself. So in light of discovering the other 50% of your power, today's topic is about your personal power. It's about your boundaries. And this topic came up because a number of times in the last few months, I've been talking with my girlfriends about their relationships. And in fact, I even sent out a newsletter where I sort of combined. I will admit I combined several people into my girlfriend, quote named Jenny. Their stories were so overlapping. You know, it's like I'm sitting outside, I'm having tea. You know, I'm having tea because I'm on chemo and I can't have wine. I'm having tea with my friends and they're talking and I'm just like, girl, your boundaries are crap. You know, we have got to fix this. And they're saying, no, no, it's my relationship. It's this. I'm like, no, no, no, it's you, it's you. Let's come back to you. You know, where are you giving up your power? What's going on? Let's find the pattern here. It's never, ever, ever the guy, it's never ever his fault. And that's a weird thing to say because the guy is just showing up and doing what he's doing. You're the one with the power. So we're going to get back to that. By the way, it's not just, you know, relationships. This is every kind of boundary. We have the same problems in boundaries with our parents when they're still parenting us long past the point when they need to be or the way that they're doing it. There are shifts that occur in that relationship over time that are natural and necessary. Boundaries have to constantly be redrawn and readjusted. And when they get stuck, it becomes a nightmare. Boundaries between you and your children, boundaries between you and your co workers, Boundaries between you and your friends. Right? The friendships that are constantly taking more from you than they're giving back to you. So this is the hour for all of us to just go, okay, I wonder if there are any holes in my fortress. What could they be? Before we plunge into that, a couple things of note. I always do a little housekeeping at the beginning. I did send out a newsletter saying we were Live. Today, however, we are live. We always tape this podcast live. And I gave the call in number. I regret right now the call in number is not working. So I will be talking, talking for the next hour and hopefully being packed full of chock full of good and rich material. And of course a flow dream coming up for you about how to develop and strengthen your inner boundaries. If you like what we're talking about today, if you recognize, oh my God, I really need this. I've actually recorded a beautiful new flow dream just for this topic, Strong Healthy Boundaries. You can find this at my manifesting store. Just go to flowdreaming.com and you'll see there's a link to the shop. It's called Strong Healthy Boundaries. There's also a playlist that this new MP3 is found in. Now, playlists are groupings of MP3s that I've created around a subject. The reason I do this is because one playing the same MP3 every single day is probably going to make you start to tune out of it, right? We don't want to get too used to it. So rounding it up with a couple other things all in the same area is very helpful for sustaining your interest. The second reason playlists are so vital as you start to recreate, readjust yourself, re landscape your full emotional, energetic self is that often what you think you need is right, but you're missing pieces because if you really knew what you needed, you probably would have fixed it. So the playlist comes in there and it rounds it out for you. It gives you these other areas to look at and start working with that I have seen through obviously the 10 plus years I've been doing this. It's like syndromes, you know, they fall in a complex. There's always a complex of quote unquote symptoms that go along. So I'm looking at all the symptoms, not just the one that you're looking at. The playlist comes in and guides you through those other areas that you would not have necessarily thought of on your own, which can indeed in fact be the actual root of some of the issues that you're trying to reconstruct in your life. So go check that out. It's a really, really good resource. Very on topic for what we're talking about this hour. The last thing is that MI School is starting to kick into not quite its enrollment period because it is starting in the spring. However, the wait list is on it's activ and there will be an early MI school enrollment period, meaning I'm going To open up a period of weeks where you can get in early for obviously a discounted price. And that is going to be happening before the end of this year. And being that we actually only have what someone as a person in the store told me yesterday. No, no, no, three, three, four days ago. It was a Friday. That's why she said, you know, there's only 10 more Fridays till Christmas. And she looked at me with these big eyes like, you know, and she's retail. So she was already like click, click, click. 10 Fridays till Christmas, 10 Fridays till the ME school, you know, actually starts enrolling. So the pre enrollment will happen before then. If you're interested, do jump on that. This is a year long program where we get in and we really dig through everything in your life and help you break through. Okay, back to the lovely boundaries. I have a lot of notes on this. This, this topic is again, it's one that could easily extend for multiple. Multiple shows. The first thing is always recognize that when you have a boundary issue with someone else, a healthy boundary, I'm assuming we all know kind of at least have a fuzzy idea of what that means, right? It always takes two, right? There's the person who has the boundary and the person who comes against the boundary, who crushes the boundary, who ramrods right through that bo. So there's always a relationship involved. That always means that you're 50% of this, right? You have elected to be part of the boundary issue that's going on. This means you're in alignment with it. So stepping up and claiming your responsibility is the first most vital piece, right? The blame automatically completely stops. This means that looking at the other person and all their problems and all their issues and you know, he's such a jerk and she's so untrustworthy and da, da, da, da. Yes, this other person may be in fact all of those things. You may be totally right. You probably are right, but you're 50% of that. Here's where the big power shift comes. When you have a feeling in a relationship that you don't like, right? The feeling is inside you. It can be any negative feeling. Any negative feeling. It can be a sense of guilt, a sense of resentment, a sense of anger, a sense of confusion. Any of this, this is your feeling to change. It is not the other person's responsibility to change it for you or to start doing things that will change it for you. That is an incredibly disempowering place to be in, right? We'll talk the other person, believe me, yes. They have a ton of stuff they can do. They can help things. They can stand up, they can claim their own 50%. But I'm really only talking about you today, so please keep this in mind. Okay? Boundaries represent your inner power. Okay? Think about you drawing a circle around yourself. This is a circle of your power, a place where you say you. If negative feelings are being caused in my relationship, my boundaries have just been trespassed because negative feelings are not something that I want to play with in my life or very often. Right. Sometimes we do have negative feelings in our relationship. You know, my husband and I, we've been together 28 years, and we do get on each other's nerves, and we do have little arguments and spats and tips, and I do feel upset and angry, but it's a different kind of anger. These are things that kind of ebb and flow, right? They come and go. Boundary issues are systemic. They are things that are never resolved, that are ongoing, that lead you to ever increasing feelings inside you of, I'm inadequate. I don't know if I should stay or go. You can feel there's a slide that's gone on. Okay? This is like a steady crippling devaluation of your inner power. And it's pretty obvious if this is occurring for you, the signs and symptoms will be everywhere. For one, you know, a lot of us who are natural empaths just have to throw this in here, like myself, meaning we already absorb everything other people are thinking and feeling constantly, Just constantly pouring into us. When we have a partner, a parent, a friend, someone who is always upset with us, always wanting us to act a certain way, always wanting us to show up a certain way for them to their friends or to their family. Right? We've all had this happen. People who say, well, here's how you should act, and this is how I want you to look, and you didn't look good, and it made me look bad. And. Right. You start to notice what you're saying. I'm not good enough as I am. Why do I have to keep doing this? This is not my problem. This is your problem. Right? We start to. We recognize this is their issue, but they want us on board to kind of, you know, help them, you know, enable them with their issue by acting or being a certain way, for instance. Well, as an empath, we really feel that. We don't just hear it coming out of their mouth. We feel their angst. We feel their uptightness. We feel their. Their. Their. Their negative anticipation. We feel this. We Empathically, take it in and claim it. We like to align with other people, empaths, emotional empaths. Our specialty is aligning with other people to a greater degree than the average bear. So we want to align. Feels natural for us. Meaning we get pulled into these boundary issues often a lot more than the general person. Because our natural tendency is to be a chameleon. We say, oh, I can match you. Oh, I know how to do that. I fit into every environment because I have an onslaught of information coming from that environment. And I'm like a very porous sponge. I just suck it all in and then I align and then I find myself with these hugely violated boundaries. And I don't even realize it until much later when I realized I just feel like crap and I'm really unhappy and I'm really, really confused. Okay, so this is how a boundary issue often develops with us. And of course, those of us who aren't empaths, we have the same issues, but often they stem from other things. Sense of low self esteem, right? Low self trust. I'm not good enough. This is the best I can be. Can't do any better. I need to please. If I don't please, then there's something wrong with me. My parents said if I don't get along, then I'm, you know, not going to be a popular person. And this went way deep inside of us, which means now I have to get along with even the most creepy people who do the worst things because it's worse to not get along, right? There's a lot of things that can lead us to this place. How do you recognize, though, if you're actually in this kind of place? Well, before I get to that, I'm thinking we'll do that after we get back from break. It's almost break time. One more thing. My typical meandering soliloquy. Often when we are aligning to that other person, since we're still on that topic of why we get into this with the other person, why we let our boundaries kind of get, you know, run over, We tend to want to please the other people around us, right? We tend to want to say, okay, you know, I want to go in and help. I want to grow with you. And this is especially the case when we're with a partner or a person who's somewhat open or who also has a personal growth mindset. I see this a lot. They will say, yeah, you know, I really want to get through this too, and really, really need to do this. And you can get very crazy because you're like, yeah, I'm all in with you. I really want to work this out. And we got to get through this. And. And yet the person on the other side is still playing out some kind of lack script. What do I mean by lack script? They have a big issue. They have a pattern inside themselves, which is I don't trust my girlfriends, which is people never appreciate me and they always abandon me, which is I'm using just various examples that pop into my head, which might be someone else always gets more appreciation and reward than me. Right? This is the other person. And they start involving you in this pattern. Something in you is the perfect complement to this. Maybe you're the person who does really, really well and your partner doesn't do so well. And this becomes a boundary issue for you guys because now you can't tell your partner how well you're doing. You find yourself keeping it a secret from them because you know it's going to provoke them, upset them. They're going to get somehow angst about it because they have a lack issue and they want you to uphold it. And if you do well and they don't do well, what's happening is they're getting deep into their lack. They're proving it to themselves. Yeah, I really have this. This is really true. I can't. I'm not good enough. I can't get it. How come you get everybody gets it but me? You see, you're always upholding in some way or another someone else's lax script. Usually in a boundary issue. That's really the heart of it. So think about somebody right now that you have in your life. Ask yourself, what is their lack script? Okay, lack is the word that I use to talk about our expectations for the world based on not having or not getting it is a huge factor when we manifest because most of us have strong, lax scripts running in different areas of our lives. Some of us have these lax grips running heavily in our relationships. So if you have somebody who constantly has this lax grip running, I bet if you take a few minutes, you can see it, right? If they have an issue with you, I bet you that they've had this issue with the girlfriend or the wife before you and the one before that. If it's a family thing, I bet it's been ongoing. I bet it's maybe not just with you, but it's with other family members too. They have a lack script. They're enrolling you into the script with them. Play with me on this and you say, okay one, because I want you to like me. I need to preserve family peace. I'm empathic and I feel it and I need to align. There's all kinds of reasons why you get into it with them, but you do, okay? Think about this person, think about their lack script. Then think about how you are playing right into it. And you have about a minute and a half to do this because we're going to go to a quick break when we get back. Then we're going to talk about signs that your boundaries have been breached. I have 10 of them. So stay with me for more Flow Dreaming right after this. Hey, it's summer again and yes, we're on break, but I wanted to share some important stuff with you about the hugely amazing and gorgeous MI School of Flow. Right now it's either enrolling or it's accepting names onto the wait list. This means that I'm accepting students that I work with personally over the year ahead. And I teach you to do what I do. How to think, how I think, how to work with flow, manifest, create and use the universe the way it's meant to be used. You're going to create amazing things using Flow. You'll also open and expand your empathic intuition. After doing this for a number of years, I can tell you MI schoolers make strides and hit goals way beyond what they think they're going to be able to do going in over and over. You don't have to be a superstar going in because that's what we're going to turn you into. Once you get there. If you're ready to go big, if you know you need to deepen your spiritual practice and your personal growth, then this is where you need to be. Your life, after all, only grows as big as you do. So MI School is online. That means you'll connect with me from all over the world. What to do next? Click or swipe over to flowdreaming.com you'll see an area that talks about MI School. During enrollment, you can set up a free 20 minute call with me. And during wait list times, I invite you to send me a note telling me about your interest. Okay, I look forward to hearing from you and even more to getting to know you as one of my personal students in MI School. Now let's get back to the episode foreign. Welcome back to Flow Dreaming. All right, you guys ready to dig in? Check out. It's like a sand castle, right? Looking for all the little holes where my boundaries been breached. Hopefully, though, your inner Power is a lot stronger than a sandcastle. So here are some signs, right? You already looked at the relationship where you feel like, yeah, I'm playing to this person's lack script. But how do you really know? It's. I like to use these signs as a kind of barometer. You've all heard what a barometer is. It's used to measure the weather, the barometric pressure. It's. Dig out your Old Farmer's Almanac. It helps especially farmers know when the rain is coming. You know, if the pressure drops, the pressure's high, pressure's low. I use this sort of list to get an estimation of how far have my boundaries been breached? Oh, I have so many of these feelings. Wow. Maybe they really have been breached. It helps because for many of us, we get into these kinds of situations where they're so ongoing, they're so systemic, we don't even recognize they've been breached. They just become the new norm. Right? The new norm. You know what I mean by that? We've all been in situations like that. The boundaries are breached. We don't even notice it after a while. It was hard at the. Hard at the beginning. We adjusted, and now it's just the way it is. But it doesn't have to be that way. And as you want to uplevel yourself in your life, as you want to really start taking control of what your life gives you, what your flow gives you, how your future unfolds, we go through this kind of cleanup. Oh, boundary breaches. Cleanup time. Cleanup time. You know, I need to move to the next big thing in my life. I can't, because I'm still playing these silly little things out with people in my life that I'm ready to really let go off. I'm ready to mature through, get rid of. So, first sign. Do you have a relationship where you feel pretty confused pretty often? Right? A lot of confusion. I don't ever really know where we stand. I don't know what he thinks of me. I wish he would tell me. I wish that it wouldn't be so conflicting all the time. I get a text that says, I love you, and then I don't hear it again for three weeks. What's going on? My mom is wonderful to me, Sweet. And then she's incredibly passive aggressive. Sideswiped. Ugh. Is it me? Is it her? Did I deserve that? Maybe she's right. I don't know. Is she right? Maybe I really am that way. Confusion, back and forth. Contrast this, right? Sometimes we need a bit of Contrast. Contrast is in my relationship. I always know where I stand. I pretty much know every moment how this person feels about me, how intimately we're connected, what our roles are for each other, what we do well with each other. I also know what not to ask of each other because that exceeds our emotional agreement with each other. Right. I can pretty much feel it. I'm very clear. Choose somebody in your life you have that feeling with. Contrast it with the person you have the confusion with and it becomes very stark. It's a boundary issue. Second, you ever feel paralyzed to make a decision in a relationship? I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Should I give him one more chance? Should I invite my sister in law over for Thanksgiving dinner or should I just let it go? Should I try and reengage this relationship or should I just let it alone? Right. This is an indication there have been boundary issues and you don't know what to do. So you've reached a kind of frozen place. I don't know what to do. There was an issue. I don't know what to do. Okay. Paralysis almost always comes because you've reached a frozen indecision. You don't know. Something occurred. It was not resolved. Most probably what occurred was somebody ran over someone else's boundaries. Okay, that's another big indication. Boundary issue. How about this next one? You feel both right and wrong. Okay, this is a little bit like confusion. But confusion can also mean like, why did he say he loved me and then I didn't hear from him from three weeks. Confusion. Right. Right and wrong. We're going to make this a little more distinguished. I'm very right. I know how screwed up this person is, but I feel wrong. I should give them another chance. Maybe it's me, you know, maybe I'm just constantly triggering this person, you know, Maybe I am. Maybe I need to stop triggering them. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't be. You know, maybe I really do need to call and check in five or six times a day to make them feel better. I, I need to heal through this and I need to be part of it. But damn, this is really annoying for me. I don't want a relationship where I have to call and check in six times a week. Or if I don't call my, my, you know, my dad every Sunday that he gets upset and feels, you know, I don't want that. Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I both? Okay, again, a boundary issue is what's going on Here, they're both right and wrong. This is a situation that is crying out to be resolved for the next step for reconciliation. You shouldn't feel both right and wrong. You should feel one way or the other. If you're wrong, you take steps, you mitigate it, you change it, and it's corrected. And if you say, oh, well, I'd love to do that, but the other person, they won't go along with it. They won't change. Well, right. That happens. You want to correct the boundary issue. The other person doesn't. Why? Because they're stuck in their lack, thinking they have a lack issue. They want you to keep playing with them in it. You refuse. This happens. Okay, how about this one? You wonder about your own ethics, your morals, your choices, right? In the newsletter I sent out, it had to do with, you know, this. This girlfriend of mine. Actually, multiple girlfriends who. They had partners who were accusing them of seeing other guys of, you know, you know, being on dating sites of. Of not being truthful and true. And they start to think, oh, my God, maybe I really am a slut. Can I say that word? Slut. They're feeling like that. I'm like one. You're monogamous now, right? Yeah, I am. But your partner's not recognizing that. No, he's not. I said, whose issue do you think that is? I mean, how much can you conceivably do to convince? I mean, are you willing to go to the final, you know, draw to convince? I mean, do you. Do you want to have a wrist bracelet on you 24 7? Is that the relationship you need? How long do you want to do that for? What if this person doesn't change? Right? These are all issues that need to be looked at as we resolve this boundary issue. Right? But this, it was causing the sense of real self doubt. Maybe I'm not a good person. Maybe I am. Maybe I am flirting. I don't mean to be flirting. Maybe I shouldn't have any male friends at all. Maybe I should get rid of them. All, right? I know that. I know how that feels. You don't need to do that. If you are, you're playing into your partner's insecurities. And again, it's not just partners. There's other people. This is friends. My girlfriend doesn't like it when I go out and do things without her. She always feels mad if I go do something with other people and I don't invite her, and she finds out about it later on Instagram or Facebook. And then we get in a Big fight, and she feels unappreciated. And what's going on here? Your friend who has insecurities, and you are saying, okay, okay, I'll invite you to everything. Because otherwise I feel bad. I feel wrong. I feel like, yeah, maybe I am being disrespectful. Boundary issue. How about you don't feel like you give enough. You're too selfish. Okay. It's kind of like the last one. I'm kind of selfish? I didn't invite her out. I'm kind of selfish? I truly didn't want to see her. I really didn't want to see her. I really only wanted to see my other friends. Is that selfish? Shouldn't I invite everybody? No, I really just want to see my brother. I don't want to see his whole family. I don't want to invite the whole family. I just want to see my brother. God, I must be horrible. I must be selfish. No, there's a boundary issue going on. You don't have enough opportunity to just be close with your brother. Probably because the brother's family says, you can't see your brother without seeing all of us, or we'll be mad at you, right? So you're feeling boxed in. You're feeling cornered. If you saw your brother amply, you'd be happy to see the rest of the family, too, right? Or if the rest of the family was making you feel bad, wrong all the time, of course you would want to stop seeing them. It's not you. You're not selfish. It's a boundary issue. How about another one? You guys liking this list? Ah. I hope things are popping in your head. This is a good one. You feel a need to be sneaky. You need to get your needs met around or behind someone else who won't approve. Mmm. They need to be sneaky. You're like, God, I thought that was just a problem, that it was wrong with me. When we feel sneaky, it is very often an indication that our boundaries are being breached, and we feel we have no choice but to go around that and get our needs met some other way. I want to make a distinction, right? Sometimes being sneaky is I'm doing something to really screw myself up, and I don't want my partner to know. That's different. That's a whole other ball game of issues going on. All right, so we're gonna put that one on the side. If this thing you're doing to be sneaky is screwing you up, messing up your relationship, messing up your life, you know, if you're sneaking around to, you know, go do crystal meth or something. That's a problem. Kind of sneaky things, I mean, are. You know, my husband doesn't like it when I buy anything, but I really need a new purse. And honestly, I haven't got a new purse in a year. I need one, but I can't tell him I got one. So I buy it and I bring it home and I hide it in the closet for a couple of months. And when I finally bring it out and he says, when did you get that? I say, oh, a few months ago. Oh, I've had it for a while. Oh, that is sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. Because you're going around this other person's issues, you're finding ways to get your needs met, right? You have a person in your life who doesn't want you to call or talk or be with other people or go out with your friends. So what do you do? You only schedule it when this person is out of town. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. There's a boundary issue. This other person is not allowing you freedom. You need freedom. You're trying to maintain their life. You're trying to play into their lack while you also get your own bed. How about the resentment that crops up? Don't you think all of this at some point brings resentment up in you? Are you cradling a boatload of resentment inside you? Maybe even saying, no, I'm not. I'm not, you know, trying to let go of that release and get through it, be a good person. I don't carry that. Making fun of how we good people try to make ourselves constantly feel like we can never have these feelings. We have them right? Flow Dreaming is about acknowledging our emotional cornucopia of emotions, knowing how to use them, both the good ones and the bad ones, right? The bad ones are fabulous to have in our toolbox because they tell us, you're out of alignment here. Fix this. You can't go any further until you do. So what if you feel resentful? Resentful that you're forced to deal with certain things. Resentful that you're forced to do certain things. You know, my partner never wants to go on vacation. She always works too much. She'll never go and just take time off with me. But I can't do it on my own either, because then she gets mad. So as a result, neither of us ever go on vacation because she won't. Doesn't that create resentment? Aren't you playing into that person's lack, right? They're saying, I have an issue with trust and time management and feeling like if I stop working, my life will fall apart. And you have to go along with that because if you don't, it's going to rock the boat. This builds resentment. This is a boundary issue. Okay, how about wishing that you had more time for yourself? Really wishing you had more time for yourself. You're like, how is that a boundary issue? Wishing you had more time for yourself is often a systemic issue because you are giving so much to other people. You are rearranging your life so much, not just around one person, but around many other people. You're rearranging your life around your job. You're rearranging your life around your partner. You're rearranging your life around your kids. You're rearranging your life around your parents, needs. You're rearranging your life around. Right? This is often people who get themselves really, really booked up with other people's activities. I have to drive the kids all over the place. I have to take my mom in for her doctor's appointments. I have to be present for my boss. I have to give this certain amount of time to my husband. I have to. I have to do all of these things for other people. And somehow my own sliver of self, love, time, freedom, time. Time to spend with myself is almost nothing. Nothing. And you think, well, I don't have another choice. Why do other people's relationships come before your own relationship with yourself? It's like going on a date with everyone else, but never you. That is crazy. And then you say, well, I don't really need a date with myself. I don't really need that time with myself. Oh, yeah, really? You never need that little quiet time with yourself where you think about your life. You give yourself time to let your mind go and explore where there's no pressure to be at another appointment. You've only got 45 minutes time for yourself. That's not time for yourself. That's an interruption in an otherwise day schedule full of everyone else. Me time is what drives your life forward. It would be like the captain of the boat always being scheduled in meetings with every other person on the boat, never taking time to sit down and look at his own damn map boundaries. It's also intimacy. Two more. Two more. Y' all are like, oh, my God, I never knew I had so many problems. These are good problems. These are beautiful things to see and realize about yourself. Why? Well, people come to manifesting because in Flow dreaming because they just want to create new things in their life. But I say it's like trying to mount a skyscraper on quicksand. You have to get a really beautiful foundation to build that skyscraper on. You know, the strength of your foundation is directly proportional to the strength of the building you can set on it. If you have mud, you're going to build a stick house. You know, if you have strong cement, you're going to build a 10 story concrete building. If you have solid iron, you've got a skyscraper. It's like the three Little Pigs, right? But this is true. This is why manifesting encompasses 50% of it is you strengthening yourself so that the world can start giving you things of a higher and a higher caliber, with more ease, with more elegance, with more flow. It's the point of MI school and the whole point of MI school to correct this and build these bigger and more beautiful things in your life. Okay, number nine, you find yourself being two faced. You're one way with a person, some particular person or people, and you're another way with other people. Ah, say yeah, I kind of do that sometimes. I thought that was natural to a degree. It is natural to a degree. We do share different aspects of ourself with other people. You know, I'm with a certain group of friends and we talk about music and home brewing and surfing and you know, the kind of things that we like to do. I live in Southern California, you know, San Diego is one of the biggest, you know, brew capitals, homebrew capitals around. I have a whole set of friends that we just enjoy our life. We drink up the sunshine and going out to shows and just having a good time. I show that part of myself. I have another set of friends that are entrepreneurs, they build businesses. We think about what can we do next, what are we building? Oh, do we have problems with staff, do we? You know, et cetera. I show that aspect of my personality. I'm not hiding other pieces of myself though. It's more just certain parts of myself come to the fore because that's how I'm connecting. So this is different, very different than I'm actually being one way with one set and another with another with one group. I'm, I'm talking about, you know, you know, we see this often with family. Why we want, we, we want to present to them this picture of how we want them to think we are. You know, maybe we don't tell them that we're being successful because they're going to get upset about that because it's going to create jealousy and competition and, you know, your mom's going to. Or your brother, your sister or whatever. Or maybe we don't tell them how bad we're doing because we don't want them to think we're a failure. You know, somebody else is doing better than us, right? So we're trying to really put on these different looks for different groups. We do this when we have boundary issues with them. You know, we're fearing judgment often. And that fear of judgment means we're twisting ourselves into little pretzels to try appear certain ways. Because we can't just be who we are. We can't just be open and free. Right? Because we're not playing their game with them. What if we do go and say, hey, yeah, you know, I'm actually having a really difficult time, you know, I'm just not at that place of success I used to be. I lost my job. As you guys know. It's been successful months. I'm not asking for help from you. I'm just sharing with you. This is the toughest time I've been through in my life. Right? And I don't feel any problem telling my parents that, Telling my family that even though all of my brothers and sisters are wildly successful, I'm okay with that. I'm not worried. Could you say that? Notice that the people that you feel most not yourself with, those are the people that have boundary issues. Okay, last one. You can't communicate or you've given up or the communication is just always crazy. It's never consistent. Okay. This goes all the way back to number one. Feeling confused. But often the confusion is based on the fact that the communication is so back and forth. It's one way for a while and then it shifts and it's another way, and then it's another way and you can't get your point across. And they don't understand. And you don't understand. You think you have an agreement, you don't have an agreement. Boundary issues. No one is taking ownership, right? No one is taking ownership. If they did, the communication would be clear. It would be, here is what I need. Here's what I'm not getting. Here's why I don't think I'm getting it. Here's a way. I think we could resolve it. Does this work for you? Or do you have a different suggestion now? What are your needs? And let's go through the whole thing with me. Okay? So there you go. The 10 brilliant signs that you've got clean up to Work, cleanup, work to do in the way you're relating with others and strengthening. Now, how do you strengthen? Ha ha ha ha ha. That's not this podcast. Strengthening is a process. I do recommend though, that you start with the playlist. I think it's called Heal My Family or Happy Family. That's a really good one. Happy family and also strong, healthy boundaries. Okay, when we get back from our next little breaky break, I'm going to do a flow dream with all of you. And we will also begin the boundary cleanup process with about 10 very fruitful minutes of being in flow, being at ease, starting to energetically restructure. So stay with me. I'll be back right after this. Here we are on a quick break and I have a few suggestions for you. First of all, if you're wondering how to flow dream or what Flow Dreaming really is, I have a free gift bag of downloads for you on my website right now. Go to flowdreaming.com, enter your email. That's it. You'll get the downloads right then, instantly. And they're a 30 minute tutorial on how to flow dream. And I give you a free flow dream to start with. This saves me from reteaching the basics over and over again on this show and it gives you the first step toward a freaking awesome life. You're gonna find these downloads on my homepage right now. So pop in your email and I'll send them right over to you Next. My manifesting shop@flowdreaming.com is what underwrites this entire show. It brings it to you free every week and it has for the last 10 years, which is saying quite a lot. And what's there. Amazing, amazing playlists on all kinds of topics. MP3s, flow dreams that end, fear that gets you unstuck, that can get you to your perfect career, that can get you out of debt, help you find your soulmate so much more. These playlists are incredibly powerful, highly effective. My inbox is full every day with thank you notes from lottery winners, people who just gotten married, people who've received eye popping bonuses, who've reduced massive amounts of pain or healed themselves in so many different ways. So please go visit the manifesting store@flow dreaming.com and see what you want to pick up and start using to change your life with. Okay, back to the program. Here we go. We're gonna go into the flow together. It's not meditation, it's not self hypnosis, not creative visualization. You can get the full rundown on what Flow Dreaming is by going to the website. I have an introductory package there. Get on the newsletter. I've recently revamped it. It is really cool. So, that being said, I don't have much time to talk because we've only got about five minutes and I want to jump you into this place. Eyes closed, relaxing, breathing deeply, letting your abdomen out, letting your shoulders drop, letting your jaw relax, recognizing that you're releasing into something. Releasing, releasing, releasing into what feels like a. A current of light, current of water, current of air, current of energies. If you've ever been in the ocean and you just let the water take you, you realize after a few minutes that it's been pulling you along the shoreline. It doesn't pull you out into the ocean, it just pulls you along the shore. You don't even feel it yet it's happening. You look up for your towel and you don't see it. Oh, there it is. It's 50ft down the beach. Something has gently nudged me. It's the same gentle nudging that you feel now, drawing you forward into your future, into your next steps into your life. This future that's coming together every moment. It's being plotted and organized and presented. It's based on all the things that have already occurred, everything that's already been set in motion. The things that are so called predictable. The time you get out of school, the time you get home from work, the route you take home, the time you eat dinner, what you'll have for dinner based on the food that's already in the fridge. And yet there's so much that's not predictable. The things that come to you, the things that are being originated, generated based on who you are, how you've been feeling, what your intentions are, what your flow is bringing you constantly. And one of these things your flow has now been just listening to. Just now over the last hour, it's been listening to and feeling and reacting to. My goodness. There are things that I've been doing for other people that I have been giving to them, that I have been tolerating. And I don't know if I need to do that because I just recognize there were all kinds of feelings I had in myself, negative feelings that have been generated as a result of these things I've been doing. And I don't want these negative feelings in me. As long as these negative feelings are in me, then I'm generating more of this in my life. I won't be getting what I want to be getting. So I need to staunch the Flow of these kinds of power leaks, these rips and. And tears in my boundaries. So, Flo, will you help me with this? Will you help me? Will you give me opportunities? And as you say this, you send it out with you. It's like a request. It's like sending out sound waves. The sound just like your voice that ripples across a room and hits the eardrums and the other people who are surrounding you. Your voice does this all the time. Now you have another kind of voice, an energy voice, a flow voice, an emotional voice rippling out around you like sound waves. And it's going to your flow, it's going to your future. It's going into all this programming and it's saying, give me opportunities this week, next week, this month. I want chances to clean these up, to naturally clean these up. Times where I'm saying to myself, oh, my God, I could not have had a better conversation if I had planned that. Couldn't have gone better. It just, like, happened. It was so natural. The other person, they actually brought the subject up and I went, oh, gosh, this is great. And they were open and willing. I want things like that happening for me. I want things where I'm catching myself in the middle of going into one of those resentments and I go, whoa, wait a minute, I'm not doing that. I want to see this. I really want these opportunities, Flo. Would you give them to me? Only give me ones that I'm ready for that you know, I could handle. Because I know you have a whole bunch of those that have just been sitting there waiting for me to ask for them. Bring those in. Let's get this going. Let's get the cleanup crew into my flow. Because, boy, as I reduce those negative emotions, as I reduce all that leak of my energy, so much more is going to happen. These relationships are going to get so much better. And just in time, right? Holidays are coming. These relationships are going to get just so much better. Thank you, Flo. Thank you. This is my intention, this is my feeling. I send it out in waves of requests, waves of emotion coming out from my heart. I can see it going out into my current, going out into my future. Thank you, Flo. Thank you. I know that you'll address this, and I know that you'll do this. Thank you. And that's the feeling then you close with. As you recognize this daydream, this flow dream is ended. And already you're coming back to present and you're opening your eyes. Now, you may not recognize it, but six minutes elapsed in what probably felt like two or three. This is an indication of being in flow state, right? Being only halfway here, you know where the other half was, was in flow. The material and the immaterial together in sync. All right. I hope that excited you, helped you, aligned you. I love to do it. And as always, I will be back. I'll see you guys all the same time, same place, meaning next week for another beautiful, wonderful episode of Flow Dreaming. Take care, all. Love you. Well, look at that. Show's over. But before you go, did you know that my mom has a podcast, too? Her show airs live right after mine. It comes up next. We tape our live shows back to back. Her show is called the Dear Venus show, so stay listening and you can call in or look it up live on itunes if you're listening via podcast. Her show is really good. It's really funny. And she reads people's minds and futures and talks to dead people for real. It's called the Dear Venus Show.