#534 Co-Creating New or Better Friends

Flow Dreaming.

It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope.

And joy and relief.

And that is what being aware of your flow does.

It gives you a feeling of power.

Again in your lives. And that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives.

Breathe.

It is the feeling that you bring forward. It is your emotional connection that really sets the tone for what is going to be happening to you and for you. And you know that feeling when you touch it, it just spreads through you. I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Hi, it's Summer, and a quick request before we jump into the show. If you like this podcast, the number one reason Flow Dream has grown is because of your reviews. People rely on your opinion, and frankly, they often misunderstand Flow Dreaming.

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Hello, my loves. Happy to be with you for another episode of Flow Dreaming. Today we get to explore friendships. What they are, what they mean, how to have more of them, how to transition between friendships. If you find yourself leaving one pack and finding a new one, you know.

It does happen at times in life.

So before we get started, I want to point out at the Flow Dreaming shop, that's@flowdreaming.com, by the way, if you like this podcast, I have a blog, blog and newsletter, and often, you know, they're on topics different than the podcast. For instance, my last blog was titled Toilet Woman. It was about breaking social norms and losing power. Just kind of fascinating. So go check it out. Anyway, there is a shop there where I have like 150 different flow dreams on all kinds of topics. It is your superstore for manifesting MP3s and audio. So one of them I want to refer to you is the playlist. It's called Good Friends and Emotional Intimacy. Everything we're talking about today, these two recorded flow dreams, which are, you know, they're about 10 to 15 minutes long each, but they really will help you with this. If you listen to them, if you fall asleep to them, if you practice them in the daytime, you know, at your lunch hour or whenever, they're gonna really help change this energy in your life. It's one thing, listen and learn stuff you know, just by having it roll around and come into your head or your mind. But it's another completely to start changing your emotional energy system, changing your flow to reflect these new understandings that you have to exude them, right? So that's what flow dreams do. They take it to the level of going from understanding to, oh, no, this is actually me now. This is actually happening. So good friends, right? That's what we're all after and we all want. You know, I'm sighing because, you know, recently I lost a friend I didn't lose. They didn't pass on or anything. The way I said that sounds. Sounds that way. No, they just stopped talking to me. Then they stopped inviting me to important things and inviting me into their life. And no word, no reason, nothing. And it really shook me up because it made me doubt myself. It made me wonder, how can I do things differently? I still feel like, you know, I want to be in a better emotional place before I reach out, you know, because, you know, what this person did really hurt me. And. And along with this, I realized there's a whole kind of community of people that I am not really part of anymore, not really talking too much. And this also hurts me. And I realize, you know, the communities that we travel through in life, our friendships, these pools of people, we have so many different kinds and types of them. You know, I've got professional friends, professional communities. I have friends that I've had since sixth grade and first grade, my oldies. You guys know these people. And even though we've all changed and gone in wildly different directions, there's something just based on time itself that makes us love each other. Like we've just seen too much of each other's lives not to love each other no matter how different we are. And then you have friends that you kind of move through in your workplaces, like I said, professionally. Maybe these are extended support communities. There's the people, though, that you work right next to every single day, right? They're the desk aside from you that you go out and you have drinks with on a Friday night. And you notice how when you left the job, suddenly you stopped seeing all those people and gradually you stopped going out with them. Friendships ebb, Flow, right? They're the blooms on the rose bush. They develop, they flower, and eventually they drop off. And some of these friendships will take an entire lifetime to do that. Others will take a few weeks, a few years to do that. And it can be rough going if you're not sure why a friendship is ending. If you feel misled in your friendship, if you feel someone disappointed you or you outgrew someone. I hear that a lot. You know, when I talk with my students in me school, it's often about I'm outgrowing them and it scares the heck out of me. You know, I'm outgrowing my friends or I'm outgrowing my partner. It scares the heck out of me. I don't want to outgrow them yet. I can't help this growing that I'm doing. So navigating this. You know, first of all, this isn't just a one episode kind of thing. Like, you know, we'll just tidy up our hands and we're done with it. It's something that you think about, roll around in your mind, give yourself to day to day, week to week. In my case, as I travel, you know, from one set of friends and, and allies and supports to another set. I'm not sure who the next set will be. They haven't arrived yet. But I do know, and I remember using this metaphor once in one of my musical classes. I said, it's like you leave one, you know, like Nemo. Remember Nemo? And he's got his rich kelp bed and full of anemones. And then there's the open sea. And it's not all open sea. You will find other reefs, you will find other rich beds of people and community. But to get from one to the other, you sometimes go through the open sea. You go through these points in your life where you have no one. You know, there's no one who wants to hear out your heart. There's no one who wants to, to go out with you. And this is because, you know, I remember my mom telling me, for instance, when she divorced her second time, all of her friends left. They all sided with her ex husband, which was just unbelievable to me, to us. And it broke her heart like over and over and over. All of these people for years and years she had helped and been close to and they all left right when she needed them most. So this happens, you go into the open sea and it can be from divorce, it can be because you have to move all the time. Maybe you're in a job where you have to constantly move from state to state or country to country and you're always losing track of people. Maybe it's because you became very, I don't know, preoccupied in your own life. I've had this happen where, you know, I've got a close friend and she gets married and Has a baby, and I don't hear from her for two years because she's just gone. She's just, like, buried. And so I've lost a friend. I haven't really. It wasn't intentional. It was just a. She moved into a different phase. I've had that. I remember that seemed to happen to me all at once. You know, all my friends were suddenly getting married and having babies, and I hadn't yet. It was like they're all walking their kids in strollers, and I was, you know, still going out. So. So many reasons that these friends kind of come and go. What do you do? How do you reignite it? How do you restart it? First of all, how do you not have a pity party? Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me. There must be something wrong with me. It must all be my fault. Let's not do that. Let's be gentle with ourselves. Let's recognize that we are made and meant to flow through different communities. As our interests change, as we develop, we will meet new groups of people. Imagine if you only ever met one group of people. Those were the kids that you went to preschool with. Remember Mean Sally who threw the sand in your eyes? Do you remember Dumb Jake who hit you across the back and knocked you to the. Do you remember those? Those are your only. That's the only. Those are it. That's all you get your whole life. That's it. Your community. You met him when you were two, and by golly, no, I'm teasing you, but you get what I'm saying. You wouldn't want that because you grow through groups of people. You are meant to. We are meant to have many, many relationships and many different kinds of exposure to all kinds of ways of seeing the world. It's almost like source is forcing this on us. It doesn't want us to be isolated and insular. In fact, if you think about those communities that are very isolated and insular, you know, what does biology do? It forces members out of the tribe to go mate with other tribes so they don't get all inbred. Just biologically. We are meant to spread out and meet more and have more experiences with more different kinds of people. So what happens? Again, let's return to this same question we keep looping around. What happens when maybe you are in the wide open ocean? Where are your friends? I just named a whole bunch of reasons why. Maybe they left. Maybe you left. When will you find the new set? What will they be like? Who will they discover in you? And I think that's the more interesting question, not who are your friends going to be, but who are you inside? Who is this person that you just became that's caused you to be moving into these new groups of people? It could be something as simple, well, I'm the person who moved to a new city. I have that new experience. I'm changed from it. It can be the person inside you who says, I just completely reinvented myself and decided to be bold and courageous. And now I have a whole new group of people around me who are the same way. Who are you that led you to this point? Who are you becoming? Because that is the person that your friends will be attracted to. They will reflect you. They will reflect how you're feeling, what you've grown into, your joys, your hopes, your honesty, your integrity. They will reflect that. I have left communities purposely when they were not in integrity. I have excused myself and said, no, this is not going where I want to go. This is not working for me anymore. I'm maintaining my integrity. And y' all are going in another direction. You will find groups, in other words, people. And I say groups. You know, a group of 2, 3, 5, 9, 50, whatever it may be, who will match where you're at. So your question is, where are you at? Hey, what's going on inside? How do you feel? And your answers are gonna vary from super sucky, depressed, down, loser. Where'd everybody go? What happened? How come I'm so misunderstood? Why do people not like me? I've always been an outsider, all the way till the other end, which is. I'm amazing. I am fantastic. I'm more at peace with myself, more in love with myself, more on fire inside myself than I have ever been. I have really come through the mill. I have come through tragedy. I have come through everything to get to this point. I have forged myself through very hot fires to get to be this person. And you may be a combination of these two, a combo, which I think is probably more realistic. We're just somewhere along that scale, or we dip back and forth between them, you know, and there are some places in my own heart where I feel like, you know, I misunderstood people, you know, misinterpret me where I'm an outsider. I'm not the easiest person to be friends with, right? I've got all this junk spinning around in my mind. But then I also know I've also forged myself through the fires, and that if you are my friend, it's an honor. It's an honor for us both, because I want to be that honor in your life as well, right? Two people of a very high integrity and very high demands of each other. Just in terms of who you are. The kind of person I want to be surrounded with is the person I want to surround, Give to them. Do you get what I'm saying? So I guess what we're doing right now, this little riff, is exploring who you are, where have you arrived? Because what you are, remember, this is the very basis of flow and flow dreaming and law of attraction and manifesting and all of it, the very basis. What you are is what you create. What you are is what you encounter. If you don't have people surrounding you and you have a little theme going in your head, I push people away. People don't like me, People don't understand me. Then you are generating that. Yes, indeed you are. And anybody who wants to be close to you feels that from you. And they're going to do exactly what you're telling them to do, which is don't come any closer. I'm an oddball. Nobody likes me. Nobody accepts me. I'm never invited to parties. It started in sixth grade. Nobody liked me, and they still don't. If, on the other hand, you're feeling like, yeah, I've recently changed or I've moved, or I've reached a new place inside myself and I'm really, genuinely seeking birds of my own feather, and I'm looking for you, and I'm making time for you. Right? I'm opening up my schedule for you. Yes, I want to have coffee. Yes, let's go out and see a movie. Yeah, let's go shopping. Yeah, I'm not afraid to ask you, hey, you want to go out? You want to do something? You want to meet for coffee? You know, when you're asking a new potential friend out for coffee, it can be as scary as, you know, you're having to ask some guy or girl out on a date because you might get rejected. They might not see in you what you see in them, but you get over yourself and you realize, hey, don't ask, don't get. And if they're like me and if we're aligned, this is my next new community. This is my group. Group groups take time to build, right? They take time to evolve into. So, you know, for instance, me, school, right? It's a community. It's not just a. It's not a school school. It's a community. You come into the community and you plan to stay, usually at least a year, but most people stay several Years at least. Because what they've discovered is a group of people who are on the same track as them, interested in the same things in their life as them people. I am willing to completely change myself and up level to a better place. I'm willing to learn the laws of the universe and step into my power and just see what I'm made of in this life. What can I do? That's a very powerful community to surround yourself with the people that surround you, reflect you, right, support you. It becomes part of that. But it's not just a given that as soon as you're in me school, suddenly you have this rich and vibrant community. Community. You actually have to extend yourself into it. You have to show up in it. You have to post on Facebook, you have to come to the retreats, you have to ask questions. You have to be willing to let these other people see you so they can get to know you, which can be really, really tough for some of us. But it's not just me school. It's everywhere in our lives. Are you showing up within these groups that you're already existing in as a person that other people would want to get to know? Want. Are you letting people take a peek at you and see you? Right? Do they, do they know? Do you ever share with them? God, I'm really suffering over this thing. Or I'm. I'm so excited that this other thing is going on. Are you letting them in? Are you, in other words, nurturing your friendships? Are you creating space for your friendships? Now, friendships can exist on. How can I say this? They can exist on idle for a while, right? You can throw them in neutral, Let them, let them live off fumes. How many more, how many more like, like cliches can I throw at you? I do this all the time. I'm, I'm number one guilty of this. You know, my friends won't hear from me for two or three months and then I'll pop up, hey, how you doing? Send him a text. But I'm that kind of person who feels like we get busy and then we connect and we get busy and we connect and we get busy and we connect. Once you're my friend, though, I expect you're going to be my friend for pretty much forever until you or I grow into a new place where we no longer match. If that occurs, probably, if you're my friend, we will probably keep growing together because it probably means there's that same streak in us that says we keep growing, you know, that's who we Are. And that's one of the things that ends up binding us together. So you can have friends like this ones who come and go. And, you know, those friends like you, like where you leave off. Like I left where we picked up exactly where we left off. I have a friend of mine who lives up the coast, and I haven't seen her in maybe six months, but when I see her, it's going to be just like yesterday. We just were that way. And I'll just get caught up on everything that's happened and, you know, her new busy, busy life in the last six months. Friends require nurturing. They require making space for them, even though, yes, you can put them on pause sometimes as you need to. Friends also require an expectation or an openness, right? And this is where we start to drop into, say, flow into the universe, because friends will just typically arrive or not arrive. You know, that's like, most of us aren't even really paying attention to friendships, right? I mean, let's be honest, right? We, we. People come in and we're surprised, like, oh, great, you can be my friend, you know, and then things happen. But usually we're more focused on our love lives, our career, our health, you know, and the friends and they just become kind of the, you know, the surrounding, you know, sounds in the air. But there are times when we want to bring that right into focus. Such as those times when you're between friend groups or having a trouble with a friend group that you currently have and you want to say, hey, I'm giving this my attention now.

I really am.

I'm giving this my focus. I'm giving this some love. I'm giving this some flow. I'm putting this in alignment. It's gotten out of alignment, out of whack. In that case, flow, dream, go into flow. I have beautiful, close friends. I have honest friends. I have caring friends. I have open friends. I have friends who are willing to tell me how they feel. I have friends who are willing to make it work with me because they love me. I have friends that just insert whatever it is that you need from somebody. I have friends who are loyal. I have friends who are exciting and fun. I have friends who are positive. I have friends who are fascinating and a little bit kooky and wild and interesting that draw me out of my own shell, whatever. Like, all of these things are things I treasure in my friends. What are that? Go into flow. Define it. Tell flow. Tell your life. Let it be a creation of energy that you encircle yourself with these are the kinds of people that I like. These are the kinds of people that I am. Because I'm looking for people who reflect qualities inside me. I know it sounds very kind of egotistical to say that, selfish to say that, but this is how it works, folks. Haven't you ever noticed that when, you know, I just did a show recently on Negative Nellies, right? Negative people tend to hang out with other negative people even though there are people who are desperately trying to pull away. If they haven't pulled away yet, they're still part of the negative group. Birds of a feather flock together, right? Where does that whole opposite attract thing come in? Actually that just made me think of that. Sometimes opposites come in to show us what we can become, right? Who we could become, whether we want to or not. A good opposite or a bad opposite, but we get to see where we could go. Sometimes we look for that opposite because we want to go there. You know, if you're the quiet person and you're hanging out with all the bigwigs and the showcases and the woo drama queens, you're like, I want to be seen more. If you are the person who is very outgoing and fun and always on the roll and always doing things and yet you have a friend who is, you know, kind of a book, a book nerd and never leaves the house and is very happy to just, you know, hang out with her kids and cats and you love her to death. Well, she's reflecting to you. Quiet, being with yourself, learning how to love yourself, be your own best friend. See how that works? Isn't it beautiful? I love energy. I love looking at the world in terms of how we exchange energy with other people and how it actually creates these situations in our lives. Right. You know, when something ever goes out of whack with a friend, there's an energy reason behind it. Something has something split that led to the fallout. If you have a new friend coming in, something has changed in you that led to the new connection, the new type of person. Perhaps it's in your life. So let's circle back again to what happens when you want to get that new person in those new people in you. Say, I am ready for my new friend group. I'm ready for a good friend, a close friend, a best friend. You don't have to have a ton of people. You can just have one best friend again. Flow, define them. Maybe you just moved. I'm looking for a friend who can introduce me to this community, who can introduce me to this city, who can take Me where I need to go. Who would be ideal showing me how to live here. Maybe you need a friend who is a girlfriend that you can go out with and talk about your relationship and marriage and kids and just, you know, you know, that friend that you can always kind of gripe to. You both know, you don't really, really mean it, but you gotta do it. Maybe you need that person. Can you feel yourself with that person? Feel it now? Feel who that person is? Don't you love being with them? They get you. They just get you. You get them. You admire them, you love them, you adore them. You get them. You feel safe with them. Whatever you say stays with them. You want that person. Start telling flow, right? Stop just waiting around idly wondering when it will hit you and happen. Start telling your flow. Start feeling into your flow. I want this person. I want this kind of relationship. I want this professional community. I want people who will help me, you know, get myself set up in this new occupation that I'm doing. I want that. I want the very best group for that. The very best set of connections for that. Tell your flow. I want this. Again, don't default to what most of us do, which is just sitting around waiting to see what group shows up. Yes, people will show up and they will show up based on who and what you are reflecting and giving. But if you want to give conscious thought, conscious awareness to this, then start flowing for it. Now, what does that mean? You know what? 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes. I'm feeling myself with this amazing group of friends. I'm feeling a group of friends or a friend who helps heal my heart, who helps wash away all the stuff that that last person I knew did to me or for me, right? Maybe you need a friend to help you heal. Ask for that friend, understand you. You could do that. You're allowed. Tell your flow. Co create with it. Co create with it. Ten minutes a day. Flow. Dream for it, feel it. You are in a beautiful relationship with someone. A perfect and wonderful friendship. Don't be too precise. Right? Maybe this is a new person. I keep saying new people, but the very fact is this could be somebody you knew 10 years ago who pops back up again. Could be an old friend from high school who comes back into your life. Could be a friend that you currently have that you never really thought much about, who suddenly starts showing up in your life in a much stronger and more beautiful way. Ask for what you want this person to give to you and reflect in you or show you and it's not a selfish thing to come from that perspective because you're going to be doing this for that person, too. It's not a one way street here. You know, you're going to be giving to this person. You're going to be showing up for that person. They've got to have something in them that's likewise calling for someone like you in their life. Of course, I probably could do an entire show on being your own best friend. Ooh, maybe I will. That's a fun one. Wouldn't that be fun? Okay, I have another topic. Bingo. All right, we're going to go to a break. Go check out that playlist for getting some really good, good friends. Good friends and emotional intimacy. You guys, you need it. We all need it. We thrive off of emotional intimacy. We don't just get it from our partnerships and from our family. You know, that's the reason that we were gifted with all of these different kinds of relationships. There's not just a couple that will fill all the holes. We are meant to have this rich experience of friendships, professional relationships, family partners, children, all of it. Okay, so we'll be right back after this. And when we come back, we are going to give our flow a big, beautiful, juicy request for some amazing, close, intimate, warm, loving, trustworthy, loyal. Just anything you want to say about them. Friends in our lives.

Hey, it's summer again and we're on a break. But this is where I catch you up on a couple of things that can really help you go much deeper with flow dreaming. First, if you're wondering, how do I flow dream?

What is flow dreaming?

Then I have a free kit I created to teach you how to be in flow, how to talk to flow, how to manifest in your flow. Go to flow dreaming.com, enter your own email there, and you'll get my tutorial on how to do all of this. I also give you a free flow dream to get started with. And this gives you the first step toward creating a freaking awesome life. And it also puts all of the concepts that you're learning in this podcast into context. So pop in your email on my homepage, flow dreaming.com right now.

Why not?

We're on break and I'll send it right to you. Then, if you want to go a step further, you can begin expanding your library of flow dreams, which are these emotionally delicious audios that help you grow your power and manifest your future.

This is the stuff.

This is what we actually work with, how we do it. And they're on all kinds of topics you can enter fear, you can get unstuck. Or find your perfect career. Be seen, get out of debt, find.

Your soulmate, clear your body of toxins. It's just the list is practically endless.

These playlists are very powerful and very effective. In fact, I get emails every day with thank you notes from lottery winners, people who've just gotten married, people who got these huge unexpected bonuses at work, or they've reduced massive amounts of pain or debt, or they've healed themselves either inside or in their body. So please visit the shop@flow dreaming.com and see how you want to begin changing your life.

Now back to the show. Let's jump into some delicious Flow Dreaming. Remember, Flow Dreaming, not meditation or hypnosis. It is an active daydreaming where we actually connect to non physical using this idea of flow. Where we then create an enormous emotional painting that tells our future ourself exactly who we are, what we are. We are building something. Every time we express an emotion, we're creating something. So we're going to use these emotions right now to ask for a friend.

Close your eyes. Breathe deep and relax.

Go ahead and sigh. Nice relaxing. Let all the tension go. And I want you to feel yourself begin to drift. Drifting, drifting. You're like a butterfly in the sun, wings spread wide open. You've caught a draft of air. There's no effort. You just flow and fly.

Cast cascading along that current.

And you land. You land on some little twig and there's another butterfly.

You're surprised, you're delighted. How beautiful you are. You think to yourself how your wings are so colorful.

How I see the breeze hitting them gently, fluttering them. Wow. What about that? We're both here, two butterflies on the same branch, both of us aligned, brought to the same place in time and space at this very same moment. There must be something similar about us. There must be something about us that's right and perfect and in unison. There must be something we give to each other we can gift to each other. Oh, friend, friend. I'm so excited about that.

I want that.

I want you.

I have time for you.

I'm calling for you. I want you. Not because I need you to feel something in me, but because I want to enjoy you. I want to give myself to you. To you to enjoy me. For us to explore and support.

I want us to give equally to.

Each other Whatever I'm good at, I give to you. Whatever you're good at, you give to me. I want this relationship. I have this relationship. I'm in this relationship. I'm ready for this relationship. I'm in this relationship. I am this relationship with you. You, my friend, good friend, close friend, new best friend. The friend I need right now. The words I need to hear. The support I need to have the love that I can give. I want to feel needed by you. I want to feel treasured by you. We arc this feeling back and forth, like throwing a ball back and forth, playing happily. Two kids smiling in the sunshine. Hand in hand, arm in arm. I feel so close to you. Feel close to this friend. They're there for you. I wouldn't say be billions of people. You probably have a hundred friends you could select from. Let's just let the closest one step up to you right now. The closest one, whoever is easiest and closest to my path right now. Whoever is, is right there on the other side of the doorstep. You, everybody else, you keep coming. But I want the one who is nearest to me. Me right now. Easiest to flow in and still very high vibration, very right for each other. Help me and I will help you. Support me and I will support you. You tell them I love you. They love you too. I trust you. I want to be with you, to experience some life with you. You ready? And let that excitement just go all through you. And that's the note you end on as you find your daydream beginning to fade. And you come back and once again, you're present. Return from flow. I feel like we all just did a magic spell together. Everyone listening. You have just put out a universal request for someone close, either a new person or someone existing to show up for you in your life. Gosh, how phenomenal is that? That was a really good way to spend the last half hour, huh? I feel it again. That was a very quick flow dream. If you want to keep this going, go check out a real flow dream, say, at the shop, flow dreaming.com. so much you can do, man. I mean, you can do this with partnerships. You can fix family relationships. You can become your own best friend. Gotta write that down before I forget. Gonna do a show on it. Okay. I love you all. Go out, have some beautiful friendships and relationships. And you are my friend. If you're listening to me, I'm assuming that we already have something in common. So there's that. All right, love you guys. And I will talk to you next time. Same time, same place for more Flow dreaming.

All right, that wraps up our episode today. But before you go, two things. One, you can get the Flow Dreaming app in the Google, Amazon, or itunes app stores. It allows you to search and sort to mark your favorite episodes. It's completely free to download, and it gives you access to the latest several dozen of these episodes, as well as to the Premium Episode Library, where there are more than 400 episodes that date back 10 years. The app's free, so go download it now at Flow Dreaming in the App Store on your mobile device. And last, if you love my show, I'm gonna give a shout out to my mom's podcast. It's called the Dear Venus show, and she's an amazing intuitive and a medium and super, super funny. Search the words Dear Venus in your podcast directory or on online and that way you can find her too.