#560: On Being Happy (Rebroadcast)

Flow Dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief. And that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Hello. Hello, chirpy little birdies. It's Summer here. Welcome. We're going to spend an hour together in episode number 560. Unbelievable. It's called On Being Happy. And in keeping with my new theme, my new direction, as I've sort of relaunched the show live once again, we're going to be looking in a kind of special series on a specific topic, a subject not exactly dead on related to Flow Dreaming. The philosophy, the technique, but really going further afield. And today I wanted to think and talk and kind of swirl around with you on this idea that yes, you can create happiness. And I know happiness is. Well, it's a hot topic. Maybe not as hot as it was actually in the last few years, remember in the last couple years all these, these books came out. How to be happy, Happier, Happy, happy, Happy, everybody. Just this art form to being happy. And I gotta say, I was kind of busy and I sort of missed the whole boat. I missed the whole happiness wagon. So I'm a late catcher upper and it's kind of, you know, it's been fascinating me as I've been kind of looking into this more and studying it more. And I'll tell you how it came about. So many of you know that I went through breast cancer a couple years ago and one of the results of going through all the treatment, all the therapies is that your body gets really screwed up, your hormones in particular, because I had an estrogen positive cancer, get really, really, really screwed up. You know, you're basically thrown into menopause. It's just a big old hormonal wreck. So, so what you, all of us ladies, you know, we're all anticipating this nice sort of glide into menopause over, you know, five or six years. Well, you get it in about two months when you go through treatment. So it left me feeling bumpy and up and down and just got all over the place. And there would be days and I'd just wake up and I'd say, why do I feel so depressed and down. And I would look outside and I'd see that the weather was foggy and gloomy and I just hate that. And it just compounded. And I remember one day going up, seeing my oncologist, and I said, you know what? I can't hack this anymore. I said, I feel gloomy and doomy, and this is not me. And I can tell it's not me. And I'm doing my flow dreaming. I'm doing all my practice. I'm working diligently on my emotional reconditioning. I said, but you know what? I think I might be ready for some drugs. Yes. And so she promptly whipped out her little prescription pad and said, I've got the, you know, the SSRI for you, my dear. This is the perfect one. All of our cancer survivors take this. And it's like, it's very common. Something like 80% of you experience this. I'm like, really? You could have told me that a few months ago. Let me have a little anticipation. And I went home and I got that prescription fulfilled, and I put it on the counter. And that night I looked at it, and I looked at it and I looked at it, and I thought, you know, a lot of my friends, a lot of people I know, family, you know, they. They're all on the antidepressants. And do I really, really, really want to go down that road? What is it going to take for me to not go down that road? And I said to myself, I made this kind of deep, I don't know, just shift commitment. And I said, I will do absolutely everything and anything possible not to add this into my life. Right? I don't want to get hooked on them. I don't want to be artificially, you know, adjusting my emotional self. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I've got to say, for all you guys who are on it. But I just didn't want to add one more pill, one more, you know, pharmaceutical into my life. I feel like I had already done enough on the orthodox route through my treatment. And I just knew. Not one more. Just not one more. And something pivoted in me that night. The next day, I woke up and I felt better. And I felt better the day after that and the day after that. And I stopped worrying. I stopped worrying about every little ache and pain in me. I began to exercise more. I began to eat better, started going on walks again. I just said, everything I can possibly do to change my emotional state, I'm going to exhaust that first. And it worked. Worked. Of course. I mean, I never went on them. They're still sitting in my drawer. They're there if I need them. I don't know when they expire, but I got back into myself. And yes, I credit flow dreaming with a big part of that. But even more was this understanding that if I want to be happy, I am going to choose it. And yes, I suggest use any and every vehicle that you need to get there. If it's an ssri, use it. If it's exercise, use it. But the biggest decision is the decision to actually go for it. Make it a number one priority. Make it be something that is unequivocal. You have no other choice than to be happy. And when you state it to yourself like that, I love taking choices off the table. When you have no other choice but to be happy, you start to notice how all of your decisions kind of start aligning you into that new path. Well, will this make me happy or not? Is this going to make me happy or not? Why do I feel not happy right now? What kind of self soothing do I need to do to feel happy again? So this started me on the journey of straight up happiness. Right? Straight up day to day joy and happiness. Now another thing that happened to me, of course as a result of my cancer, and I've shared this with some of you, is I had a tremendous heart opening experience. I was relating this to a friend of mine, a co host here actually on the station, Abby, and I was telling her about this kind of Kundalini awakening that just all the grief inside me just processed out in about three days. And it left me lighter than light. It let me go into emotional ecstasy, into straight into joy, on demand whenever I wanted it. But one thing that I didn't do with it, like taking it to the next step, I realized this in hindsight is I didn't transfer that to. Well, instead of just going straight up into ecstasy and just moving yourself into that state, what are you doing consciously to create happiness day by day by day, to create kind of an ongoing bed for it. Right. I often talk about beds. I love beds. I love my bed. In fact, I just got a brand new bed frame. I love my bed. But beds are, to me it's a concept. It's creating like a fertile ground, a garden, a place that you lie in. You know, we talk about creating music beds here. You know, at the station we, we make music beds that, that we do our voiceover and talk on top of. The bed is supportive of you. The bed is what you, what you, you lay on that gives you this kind of nurturing ingredients that you need. So you create a bed for happiness that Supports, nurtures. It just kind of gives you the place to sit, set it one each day. And that is what led me to start thinking, what do I need to do to simply feel happy? Just have a bigger dose of daily happiness in my life. And that's what I'm sharing with you today. In fact, I have 11 concrete things that I want to talk to you about over the course of this hour. And of course, we'll get to your calls later. You guys have the number. It's right up there on the screen at inflowradio.com, if you're listening to this show on demand or as a podcast, do check it out. I'm on a new network. It's my network, my baby. And it's@inflowradio.com you can find the show broadcasting live from there every Tuesday at noon Pacific, 3pm Eastern. Anyway, let's get back to these 11 concrete things you can do and maybe we'll even play with a couple of them right here this hour. Because I want you to listen and walk away feeling different than when you arrived. Right, you all got here about 9 minutes and 33 seconds ago. If you started from the beginning and by the end, I want you to notice that you feel lighter, brighter, more optimistic. Your shoulders have dropped, the tension has been released from your jaw, and now you have a different outlook for the day. And a different outlook creates a different set of opportunities. These opportunities create different choices and we're creating a mighty snowball. So whereas one or two nice things may have happened today, now you're gearing up for 4 or 5 or 8 or 10 because you have changed inside. And that is the basis of all manifesting in the world, all co creation. What you are is what you experience and what you create because it mirrors you. You can never ask for something that you aren't because it won't fit, it won't match. It's got to click into place. So you have to be it first and then it will find you. So let's jump into number one here. My number one thing for creating daily, daily happiness is you have got to stop that lack of thinking, y'. All. I did a series a while back called the Lack Cycle. Fantastic series. One of the best I think I've ever done in all of my episodes, the Lack Cycle. And I know this because I got so much feedback. It was amazing. Lack thinking is that feeling that comes up in your mind whenever you're kind of projecting ahead about something present or future or even past in your Life. So lack thinking is like, oh my God, I gotta go to the grocery store. I don't have time. What am I gonna make for dinner? I hate making dinner. I really don't wanna make dinner, but I have to make dinner. Can you hear the lack thinking in there? It's not just that you're resisting the daily chore of having to go out and figure out what to make, but there's a kind of pushback coming from inside of you. There's lack around it. Like this is not going to feel good. I'm not going to enjoy this. This is a chore. I don't like it. I am not gonna have fun. But I'm being made and forced to do it. Can you feel all of that? That's lack, lack, lack. I don't have enough of what I want and I'm being forced to do something I don't want. So this is like a tiny mini mini example. But we have lack thinking all over. Like little tiny things just squeeze out little lack thoughts. But we have it in big, big ways too. Like, you know, I don't think I can ever change careers at this point because I probably won't get a job better than this, right? It's hard to get jobs. And you know, I'm in my 50s now and I don't think I will, anyone will hire me at the same level that I've really worked my way up. Even though I hate this industry. I'm so sick of it. I hear this a lot, by the way, from my clients and students. That's a big lack thought, that's like a big, you know, elephant sitting in your room every day that prevents you from even thinking and conceiving, considering about doing small, tiny movements to perhaps shift careers. And it's a big ass block to allowing your future and your co creation to come in and actually give you something to shift careers. Because you're basically telling it every moment of the day. I can't have it. This is not going to work. It's not real, it's not me, I'm not allowed, I don't have it. It's lack. So this examination of your lack thinking, from the biggest lack thoughts that are the deepest entrenched in you to the tiniest little ones that just kind of spout off all the day, that's number one. Stop your lack thinking. I know, easier said than done, honestly. It's going to take you a year of dedicated, focused awareness to even see where all the lack thoughts are coming from. But once you do that. They start lifting off. They just start lifting off and away and flying out like leaves off a tree in the fall. It's worth it. Your whole life changes. Here's the next one because I know we've got 11 to get through. 11 being my favorite. Number 11. 11. OK, number two. Stop the FOMO. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. Fomo. Fomo. You guys know fomo? Fear of Missing Out. That's the acronym. Our world today has increased FOMO into a kind of art form, right? FOMO used to be generated pretty much just around, you know, 6 o' clock news through 10 o'. Clock. You'd watch TV and you'd feel some FOMO because you'd be looking at all those nice smiley people with those super white teeth and there's gorgeous houses and their deep green lawns and their perfect children and taking all of their perfect medications and. And you're like, oh my gosh, you know, these are all the TV commercials drinking their perfect colas and eating their perfect meals out. All the TV commercials that would make you feel like, I don't have that. I'm not enough. I don't look like that model. I don't have that family. I sure as hell don't have that car. Fomo. Fomo. Fomo. Yeah. But it's not just limited now to 6 to 10pm when we're watching TV anymore, is it? It's in your pocket all the time, right? It's in your purse. It's probably sitting on your desk right now. You guys know what I'm talking about. Your phone. It's your phone. It's your phone, for God's sakes. Your phone is a little FOMO device. They had to call that my FOMO device because every time I open it up, I fear missing out. I fear missing out on Facebook, on Instagram, on Snapchat, on Pinterest, on all of these things. As much as it helps you and it's inspires you and gifts you ideas and connectivity, the dark side, I don't have that. God, everybody else does great things on weekends. Why are my kids so boring and screwed up and you know, and not like their kids and, and on and on and on. FOMO erodes your happiness. It erodes it. It is erosion. It's corrosive. You have to feel like FOMO is an acid that bites into your skin. Skin. It bites into your energy, it bites into your emotional self. And the thing is, we often just completely forget we're even experiencing It. But you guys have all had that experience of going on your device and after a while you, why do you leave? Like, why do you click off Instagram? Most of us, it's not because, oh, you know, time's up, gotta do something else now. It's because after we scrolled for a while, we have this feeling like, ick, I feel icky now. I feel bummed out now. I feel kind of, eh, not as great as when I went in. I mean, think about it. It's what's inspired a lot of you to actually get off of your social media or at least be damn selective. Be very, very selective about it. And that brings me to number three, how you stop fomo. You get off all media that gives you fomo, or lack of thinking. Now this includes some news broadcasts, right? All of that dangerous kind of talk radio that's out there, you know the kind, it got really popular back there in the 80s and 90s and 2000s, you know, where everybody was bombastic and yelling at each other and just fomenting anger, right? Get off of that. That is a drug. It is a negative, unhappiness addiction. This isn't to say, don't be informed, Be wildly and well informed, right? That's how you can make change. If you're not well informed, you can't make change because you don't know what the hell is going on. But be selective in who gives you this change. I'm pretty much a Comedy Central addict right now. And yes, I get most of my news from Trevor Noah's Daily show and Jordan Klepper's opposition, because they're making points, but they're making it with humor. They're making it. Oftentimes they make me laugh. Sometimes they make me cringe a little, right? But I'm getting this understanding, this deeper understanding with a bit of joy. It's not anger, anger, anger, anger, anger. Find media that informs you, helps you, grows you, Right? That my contribution is inflow radio, right? That's the kind of media I look for, right? That I'm mimicking and I'm making because I want it to make me happy. Okay, number four, we're whipping along, aren't we? Number four, let's go to it. This is a term very familiar to my MI school students. I call it spin cycle. You all know what spin cycle is? Happens inside your dryer and your washing machine every single time you do a load of clothes. Spin cycle. Round and round and round and round around. Well, in our minds we have a kind of Emotional, energetic spin cycle. This is when you get a thought, and it's called chewing on a thought, mulling it over. But spin cycle really is the thought got in there and it's going round and round and round and it's actually not being useful at all. You know, at least in the washing machine, it's getting all the water out of your clothes, you know, and spin cycle. But in your mind you get stuck. And a lot of us who are very cerebral, those of us who identify ourselves as using our intellect to get ahead, like my ability to really think, I consider myself intelligent. I use my mind, I'm critical, I'm self aware, right? All good, good characteristics for navigating through life. We've learned to really trust this aspect of ourselves because frankly, it's helped us get ahead, probably helped us get through school and get a good job and, you know, figure things out. We're figure outers, we're problem sol. The downside is some of us get so trapped in this mental ability that we kind of take it to the next level unknowingly, which is yes, but yes, but, yes, but if that's you, if somebody says something and you say yes, but if they give you an option, idea, a possibility, a new way of thinking, and you say yes, but I have a good strong feeling you're in spin cycle. It's something that, for instance, like we do a live retreat every year and oftentimes, you know, there'll be one or two students there who are totally wrapped up in spin cycle. And I can tell because they'll ask me a question and I'll answer it. And then the next day they ask the question again, but this time with a new variation and a new objection. And we'll go through the same variation. You know, it's the same nugget central question, just cloaked in different maybe areas of their life or something. And I just have to say, stop. You are on spin cycle. I can't get through to you. I can't help you. We can't shift this in a new direction until you let go of this spin. And it's a conscious thing you have to do. Spin cycle removes your happiness. It removes your potential for happiness because frankly, you're clogging up your happiness with this other thing. You get it? It's like you can't have happiness when you're in spin cycle. Do you know anybody who's going round and round with worry in their head about something or round and round with an I can't fix it Idea round and round with something. Who can say, oh, but I'm totally, blissfully happy. They just don't. They don't usually partner together, right? They don't go together. And yes, there are techniques and ways for eliminating spin cycle. I can't go into that right now. Probably merits a whole show on its own. But no, you have it. If you have it, then you have to get on the road to stopping it. So that's all I'm trying to get you to look at right now. Okay, number five. Just jump in the number five. We might not even have time for calls today. Oh, my gosh. Okay, number five. Put yourself first. Put yourself first. How does this increase your happiness? Mother Teresa would be just tsking at me right now. What do you mean, put yourself first? Here's what I mean. Put yourself first. Most of us put ourselves last. I mean, we just do it habitually. We think we put ourselves first because we feel so super selfish for every little tiny thing we do. But most of us err not towards selfishness. We err in the other direction. We don't give ourselves enough. We take care of our bodies last. We don't give ourselves me time. We don't give ourselves exercise time. I am guilty of this. Happiness depends on you being a friend to yourself. Happiness depends on you taking yourself out on the same kind of dates that you would do with your partner. Happiness depends on you loving up yourself, enjoying yourself, being with yourself, putting yourself first, making yourself feel important. Right? I mean, don't you love it when a friend or a partner makes you feel important? Like that's. That's kind of the juiciness of being in relationship. You feel important to them. You feel needed, you feel useful. You need to feel that way about yourself. Put yourself first. Not in everything and not in a selfish way. I don't mean put yourself first at the expense of others. Just put yourself first so you have the capacity to help others. The old saying, you can't dip water out of an empty well. You may be running on empty if you are not happy. Where did all the happiness go? Where'd it go? Went somewhere. Probably all went out of you in other places and it never got refilled. What do you need to do to make yourself happy? Go to an art museum. Go out. Go take yourself out for lunch. Go for a walk. Go pick daisies and pull off the petals and count who loves you. Go grab some of that happiness. Put yourself first. Okay, so we're gonna take a quickie little break here. And when we get back, I have six more ways for you to feel happier. And then we're going to do a little practice, a little flow dream together to get into that happy state of mind. So stay with me. All of your happiness is coming up next right after this break with more flow dreaming. While we're on break, have you checked out MI School? In MI School, we travel together through a year, through everything that you are. You get to discover what drives you, how you're made, and how powerful you actually are. We play with intuition and flow dreaming and dozens of other techniques as you go through one of the most potent, powerful, and pleasurable personal development experiences you've ever seen. We continually co create your future. And I ask you to bring big goals to the table, things that you want to become inside yourself. And you'll reach these using the tools that you've probably never been exposed to before in your life. But you will be here in MI School. So if you're curious, go to flowdreaming.com and click on MI School sat up a call and we'll help you see exactly what you can do with your life. And if you choose to come join me in MI School, then I look forward to spending the next year with you as we work together to create miracles. In case you missed it, the number to call to talk to me live is the US number 1764, 5 6, 7277. Flow Dreaming airs live on Tuesdays, so check flowdreaming.com for my current live broadcast time. Again, reach me at 1-760-456-7277. Now let's get back to the show. Welcome back, you guys. I'm really apologizing if you're hearing any dropout during today's broadcast. We have some Internet glitchiness and something we aren't trying to solve. I think I have to have a call in soon to our cable provider, but we're going to continue nonetheless because I think today's show and topic is of really good value and it's just feeling really right to me right now. So I want to share with you, Number six. Number six, how to be happier. How to be happier in your life. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. This too shall pass. I love that phrase. I have multiple variations of that phrase that I use actually in my own life because I often recognize that my happiness has gone down. You know, my happiness diminishes whenever I'm feeling like whatever I'm in is not going to pass. It's just There, it's just stuck. It's just going to be forever. I can't get out of it. But if I say this too shall pass, it reminds me. Take the long view, you know. What does the long view do? It makes you exhale. Oh, right. This is not as important as I thought. This is not worth getting stewed up and intense over and freaking out about. There are very few things that are worth me freaking out and stressing. Very few. Few. There used to be a tremendous many. Now there are very few. Because why this too shall pass? Why should I get worked up over every single little one? I will leave myself in a constant state of tension and ickiness. So I'm gonna be very selective on what I allow to stress me out and upset me and anger me and push my buttons and trigger me. This too shall pass. Feel your happiness. Go up with that idea. Think about something right now. What's, what's going to happen? Is it going to pass? Is this going to stay forever or is this going to pass? Oh yeah, it's going to pass, isn't it? Yes, it is. You know it, it's, it's the truth. It will pass. Good things will pass. Bad things will pass. They all pass. So take the long view and pull back. Remind yourself. How about number seven? I like this one. Number seven in the ways for you to increase your happiness quotient. Make yourself do fun stuff with fun people. I mean like really make yourself do fun stuff with fun people. I notice sometimes when I get, you know, my nose really buried into what I'm doing and I'm just super focused and you know, I'm just, just, just, just getting stuff done left and right. I lose sight of other aspects of my life. Going out with my friends, hanging out with my family. I can become very, very, very focused in on my goals. And I remind myself, if you don't go have some fun, you know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. You guys have heard that very old fashioned phrase. I don't even know where that comes from. It's true. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. You become a dull girl. Dull boy. Fun people and fun things. If you're in an atmosphere that's creating fun, creating joy, creating laughter, you are infusing your energy with that. You're infusing your field with that. And so if you don't put yourself in situations that create that, you are literally not adding that energy into your life. So sometimes you don't just sit and wait for it to happen. You go. I'm going to take myself to see a movie. I'm going to go to the mall and buy a super pretzel. Screw my gluten free diet. I am going to go out with my girlfriends and we're going to take a walk along the beach. I'm going to do some fun things with some fun people. Not people who are chores to be with fun people. Don't forget. I know it seems super stupidly obvious, but we do forget to do this. We do discount this. We relegate it to the one fun thing I get to do a week. God, what kind of harsh taskmaster are you? Is that how you raised your kids? You can have one nice fun thing a week and that's it? The rest of the time, forget about it. No, let's do a fun thing every day. Let's talk to somebody who makes us feel light and happy and makes us laugh every day. Put your action where your happiness is found. Put your action where your happiness is found. Number eight. Flip your story. Flip your story. So flipping your story is think about something right now. Just something that's going on in your life. Think about something going on in your life. A thing. A thing, a project, a relationship. Probably many of you are thinking of a problem. Maybe you're thinking of something fun and beautiful. For those of you who are thinking about a problem, For those of you who are thinking about a problem, just giving you a second to really drop into it, what you're looking at is probably the crummy side, okay? The crummy side. It's crummy. The framing of it is, this doesn't work. This isn't happening. It's not right. Flipping your story means what's the other side of this? So, for instance, I was talking to someone the other day about getting cancer and what it did and how it changed me. And she used this lovely friend of myself and my mom's. We've known her for many years. She's 90 something now. She came over and we were talking and I said, well, cancer is this, Cancer is that. And she looked at me and she said, what was the upside to it? What was the beautiful part of it? And I went, oh, Siri, you're right. I can't believe I went into the difficulty first. Old habits die hard. So I flipped my story. I said, here is what it did for me, right? It set me on a new path. It changed the way I think. It made me make a whole bunch of new choices. I bought myself a Beautiful dream house. I bought myself a magnificent car that I love to drive. I committed to taking even more trips with my family and doing these fun things we enjoy together. I said it did so many things for me that I don't know how else they would have gotten whacked into my head. I flipped my story. You have these stories inside yourself right now, which is the knee jerk reaction to go into the negative interpretation. This is kind of like lack thinking, but it's really a recognition that every single thing that occurs to you has a dark side and a light side. Most of us are habituated to expressing and seeing and noticing the dark side first, right? Fix it first. Stay out of danger first. It's a super old biological drive in us. Make sure you don't get eaten and after that you can have sex. Right? That's kind of the biology behind it. Fear first, pleasure later. And we carry this into every way that we think about things and approach things. Fear first, pleasure later. Dark side first, light side later. Practice going. Light side first, pleasure first, fear later. Pleasure first, fear later. I mean, think about it. In today's world, do you need to be so governed by the dark, dark side first or are we living in pretty good times, right? You get sick, it's pretty easy to go and eat, right? And get good healthy food or go to the doctor if you need, right? You can get well if you are bored. You have a million ways to entertain yourself. We live in a great beautiful world right now. The light side first should be what we're shifting into. So make that flip start to happen inside yourself. Number nine. Exercise. Exercise. Yeah, I know. I've been talking about ways you think and feel and mindset, right? Pivoting between them, the mental and the emotional. Mental, emotional. Well, now I want you to actually do something with your body. Although technically going out with doing fun stuff with fun people, that's another physical way of increasing your happiness. But exercise. And I'm going to talk about this in just a second because I want to share with you some of the things. Well, you know what? Let's just do it right now. Let's do it right now. So the reason that I'm kind of moving between physical, emotional and mental approaches, you know, recognizing this is a whole self. And by emotional I also mean spiritual. We're going to fold that in there. The physical actually creates a cascade of physical responses in your body. Physical responses that help you feel happier from the body side up, right? It's not just from the mental, emotional side down. You don't just go, oh, I feel so happy in my head. And so now my body feels happy. You can actually make your body feel happy, which will then translate up into your head. Like, you can take it from either direction, instigate it from either direction. This is why exercise is known to be one of the best ways to release all of your happiness chemicals inside of you. So exercise, first of all releases, as you know, endorphins. Okay? There are four different kinds of chemicals in your body that result in escalation of happiness inside of you. You've got your dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and your endorphins. Exercise is what masks pain, right? So all those marathon runners who get that extra breath, you know, they're able to just push through, their endorphins are kicking off. It's giving them that high. Excuse me, that high. I'll say that again. Hi. When you do other physical movements with your body, when you laugh, when you cry, when you stretch, all of those are triggering a release of endorphins. Now, the related oxytocin is another chemical that creates good physical happiness, like, you know, happiness juice in your body. Oxytocin is stimulated by touch. Oftentimes exercise, stretching is a. Is a form of touch. But, you know, there's other forms of touch too, right? Sex. Everybody knows sex creates bonding, creates oxytocin. Nursing, if you're a mother holding a baby, creates that bonding, that oxytocin, that sort of loving connection that happens. Did you know Massage? Massage, right. Go get massages. Go have someone rub your shoulders. You know why that feels so good? Yeah, your muscles like it. But the oxytocin really lives it. Oh, it just spreads through you. How about hand holding? How about stroking? Right? I stroke my son's head every night before he falls asleep. He's 12 and he still lets me get away with that. I can't believe it. But I stroke his forehead because it creates bonding. It creates that pleasure, like that feeling inside us, both of, I love you. I love you. Oxytocin. Oxytocin. And I want more of these happy chemicals swimming around in me. How do I get more dopamine? Well, did you know dopamine is actually not necessarily a feel good chemical, but it's really closely related to. It leads to something that leads to feeling good. Dopamine gives you that sense of striving anticipation, eagerness. I'm looking forward to it. Right? This feeling of deep, saturating desire. You know, all of you who are looking for Purpose. Who are looking for connection. Who are looking for. Just tell me what to do with my life. Tell me what I'm good at. Tell me what my purpose is. You're striving for a dopamine flood, because if you have that, if you reach that, you know it will feel good, it will feel right. So to get the dopamine swirling in you, the best way I know of to lead to happiness is to take lots of inspired action, right? I feel good doing this. I have a big, deep, juicy desire and I'm doing something toward it. Woo. I gotta rush from that. I gotta rush from that. That's what you're looking for, those kinds of experiences. That's what I'm looking for. So there you have it, one last one, good old serotonin, the SSRI to loop it right back to the beginning of our hour together. Serotonin. So in mammals, did you know that serotonin gets released whenever you, as a mammal, as a warm blooded hairy creature, has a feeling that you're bigger or stronger, richer, happier, better than, more intelligent than someone else? Isn't that kind of icky? I know, it's like ego, ego, ego, yet your body thrives on that. It wants that. That's why FOMO is so dangerous, because it reduces your serotonin. It takes that down. Only if you're. Only if the FOMO is feeling like comparison. I'm not good enough. I'm missing out. They're gonna go without me. They're gonna do something. Drop, drop, drop goes your serotonin. You need to know, you need to feel that you're as good as, as wealthy as, as intelligent, as, as talented as, as worthy as, as loving as, or more than the people you love and who surround you. Because that gives you a feeling of safety. It's built into your body. If you have that feeling of safety, then the serotonin releases. And that safety only comes about when you feel part of the tribe, when you feel as good as the tribe, when you don't feel like you're the lowest one in the tribe, you know, trying to, you know, kind of peck your way in and please don't kick me out. You know, imagine that little band of orangutans and that poor one gets kicked out because he's not good enough, go someplace else, leave us. You're the lowest one on the totem pole. We all were built to not feel that way. Serotonin releases and we feel like, ah, I am safe now. I have my tribe and I have my community. So how does serotonin get. Where is serotonin in us? Did you guys know that? I think this is fascinating. 80% of serotonin is located in your gut. Located in your gut. Makes me really wonder, really consider if a lot of our very unhealthy eating habits here in the Western world have resulted in these epidemic levels of serotonin being just screwed up and wiped out in us. So let's try eating better. Let's try feeding our bodies with healthy and fresh foods, good juices, lots of exercise, lots of stretching. Let's build that serotonin up in our guts. Let's make a bed for it, a home for it, filled with probiotics, filled with balance, and let's get that serotonin moving inside of us. So there you go. This all stemmed from number, what, nine exercise? Yeah, number nine exercise. So I recognize some of you guys are calling in. You are actually. Well, we'll get that figured out. But I'm not gonna be able to take your calls today as a result. I'm so sorry about that. So it's fine though, because I have so much more left to do. And this is. Is going to give us a nice, good time to do our flow dream and actually create and shift you into that stage of happiness. So two more things on my list of 1110 and 11 1. Well, not one. 10 empaths. Is it really you or is it your intuition? Okay, so many of us are. Happiness comes from the people that surround us. Not just fun people doing fun things, but the people who are in our atmosphere, in our home, the people we're intimately connected with, the people that we're connected with across miles because they're our best friends, our husbands, our mothers, our kids. Many of us feel low and blue and upset and worried because the people we love feel that way. And we don't know the difference. We think it's us. The other morning, about three or four mornings ago, I woke up and I just felt like, oh, God, I feel so bad. I feel so bad. And I said to my husband, I don't know why I feel so bad. Everything is actually good in my life. This is really weird. Maybe it's hormones, but wait, I don't really have many hormones left. So what is this? So I came down and I went in my office. I started doing my work. My daughter got up and she's a teenager. And so around noon, you know, she wakes up and she slugs herself down here into my office. And she lays on the floor and says, I feel so Miserable. I feel so sad today. And I looked at her and I said, oh, God, Lexi, it's you. You're making me feel this way. She looks at me, her eyes are all wide. What do you mean? I'm not. I'm not making you feel this way. I'm like, yeah, I'm connected to you. And I just went, stop it, stop it, stop it. Shut it off. Shut it off. Shut it off. It's not me, it's her. And it doesn't happen instantly, but I have some techniques I use. And I would say within about an hour, it had cleared from me and I was able to separate myself. But because I'm a mom, you know, I make it my job to stay tuned into my kids, right? It's like a safety reflex, right? I need to know how they're doing and how they're feeling. And if they're diving, I call them. My mom calls me whenever she feels me diving because it's a mom instinct. It's more than that. It's your empathic intuition. So always, always check it. Check your happiness against who around me am I feeling? Because this is not me. Okay, 11 and my particular favorite one. Cultivate something in your life that will give you stillness, give you peace, give you ecstasy, give you that ongoing daily bed of happiness. Something that each time you do it, adds to you, adds to your field, adds to your emotional self, adds to your history that gets inscribed into the very cells of your body and the universe. Pick something. Pick a practice. So I, of course, you know me. I pick flow dreaming. Because every time I do it, it's 10 minutes a day where I'm adding up my pennies. I'm a millionaire with a millionaire of pennies person by now. Because every day I've added to my flow. This feels good to me. I feel happy about this. This is working out well for me. I feel joy here. I feel connectivity here. I feel release here. I feel freedom from feel here, fear here. Right? I do all of this kind of flow dreaming, this emotional reconditioning day by day by day. Maybe you have a practice doing breath work and deep breathing. Maybe your practice is meditation. Maybe it's mindfulness. But you have to have a practice that unclogs your mind of debris. Imagine that your mind and your emotional self can become as constipated as your physical body. You ever been constipated? Right? I mean, couple days goes by and you're like, I feel ill. My body is meant to get rid of this stuff. And when it Stops getting rid of this stuff. What happens to you? Eventually your whole body will shut down. You would die. Yet what are you doing to get rid of your emotional constipation? All of the debris that life racks up in you each day? Don't you think this has a huge bearing on how happy you can potentially be? If all of your trash cans are full and no one has taken them out to the curb in five years, you don't have a whole lot of room in that house. It's stinky, it's disgusting, it's gross. So flow, dreaming, breathing, meditation, there's got to be a practice. This is as important as physical exercise equally, if not even more so. You have physical exercise, you have some sort of physical movement, you have emotional. You have an emotional movement or practice in place between the two of these. Then you're also right, starting to put in some good practices in your life. Putting yourself first, getting out of spin cycle, stopping lack thinking, stopping FOMO and comparing. Right? Getting off media, that takes you into that place, flipping your story. All of these different techniques are going to position you to perfectly experience joy. I mean, if you listen to me, you can hear it. You can just check inside. You can test inside yourself. Right now, do these make sense? Like if you said to yourself, yeah, if I did these, I bet I actually would feel happier every day. I bet I actually would feel happier every day. Now, I know you're not gonna do all 11 things. My goal here is that you're gonna, like, the two or three that were like, ding, ding, ding, like, these are the ones I have to do. Oh, my God. This one. This one then. And this one. I mean, sure, I'd love to do them all, but I'm not Wonder Woman. I'll start with three. Okay. I'll do my physical stuff. I'll do. I'll do my emotional stuff. I'll do my flow dreaming or meditation, whatever it may be. And I'm going to get off media. Bingo. Those are my three, right? I'm gonna. I'm gonna not pick up that phone more than once an hour or four times a day. Ooh, I'm gonna do a diet, a fast. A phone fast. There's so many fun things you can do. So pick your ones. Pick the ones that are going to really help you do. Try and choose at least one that's gonna get some of those physical hormones flowing. The dopamine, the oxytocin. Right? Because you really wanna bring your body into this. It's very hard, you know, it's like a. You know, it's like a. You know, the cart can't be pulled without the horse, so you need the horse, the body. Right. The body's got to be in support of the mental emotional work you're doing. If you're only doing mental emotional work, but you're leaving your body to not support you. You're trying to dip into a well, that's. That's. There's nothing there to dip into. Okay. So you need to have at least one physical aspect happening and you need one emotional aspect going and then anything else on top of that. Go for it. Do it. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to spend five minutes going into flow, and I'm sharing with you my preferred technique for feeling. Joy, happiness, expansion, love, delight, Widening, opening, receiving. Close your eyes and let yourself drift. Recalling this is not meditation, something else. This is your emotional self. You are feeling joyful. You're on a sailboat in the sunset on a perfect, bright, lazy evening. Feel the wind in your hair, the warmth on your face. And you release into flow this forward, beautiful sensation as you travel ahead in your life, traveling into time moment by moment, into your future. Not a care in the world. Nothing heavy in your mind, nothing heavy in your heart. It's just light, free, billowy, blowing free. You feel happy. You feel content. You feel at peace. You feel expectant. You feel rewarded. You know something good is coming for you. Something beautiful is already on its way. The universe, God, source. Your higher self, already thought it up, already put it into motion, and you're heading straight toward it. You feel happy, joyful. Your heart is opening, expanding. It's as if it's a doorway, a double doors. And those doors are opening in this beautiful golden. And light is starting to pour out of it and shine and shimmer. And it lights up the sky, lights up the water as it lights up the horizon. You are the light flowing into your own horizon. The brightest light you have ever seen and yet so comforting and so loving. This is you. You are free. You are filled with joy. You are happy. Hold that feeling. Hold it and be it. Even now as you find yourself coming back and returning from flow. And there I leave you with that beautiful good feeling. Do you feel happier? Yes. You feel happier. Until next week, My love to you all. Hey everyone, thanks for listening today. One request before you go. Please rate this podcast either in itunes or tunein.com or wherever you listen to it. It'll only take you a minute to do, but your rating there is the number one way that other people discover this show and the more ratings the more people who will find and get turned on to Flow Dreaming. While you're there, you might also want to download my free Flow Dreaming podcast app. With this app you can listen to the show anywhere you want on your mobile device as well as search through listings of all of my episodes and bookmark your favorite. And if you want to listen to Flow Dreams actual Flow Dreams on your phone, there's even another app. It's my Player app and it will let you browse and sample Flow Dreams from the shop. There's even an oracle inside of that app to help you see and discover what you need to know most or what Flow Dream would be best for you in your life. Right now you can find these apps on itunes or in Google or your Amazon App Store. And again thank you so so so much for giving back. Love you. Bye.