#561: Special Series: Personal Growth — The Dark Side

Flow Dreaming.

It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief. And that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Welcome, my lovelies, to Flow Dreaming, another episode today. And we are continuing in our special series where I am diverging off the path of Flow Dreaming at least a little bit because I'm wanting to explore some other ideas, other topics that are out there, things that have been catching my eye, catching my attention over the last six months or so. And, you know, going forward, we're going to be having more guests on, as I keep stating, but today we're not. Today you just have me. And of course I have you because I am assured that the phone lines are, in fact, working this time. So I do invite you to give me a call at 1-760-456-7277 anytime during the show. We're going to be getting to your calls in a little bit later. So what's the subject here? What are we talking about? What's so special about this special series? Well, personal growth, the dark side. I was really surprised that if you Google personal growth, the dark side, there's a lot of stuff that comes up. It's kind of amazing. So, yeah, I mean, that's the first place to start, but nonetheless, I've been working on kind of a list for you of things that I've seen and kind of felt and frankly moved through with my students and my clients over the years. Where I see people, people start to, you know, fall off the, the path of this makes me feel good. This makes me feel good. I love personal growth. It makes me feel great, too. I don't feel so good and I'm feeling frustrated and now I'm feeling really inadequate. And this really sucks. And I think I'm going to give the whole thing up together. So that's my intention this hour, to kind of give you a glimpse of what it looks like, what it feels like. Maybe you'll be able to discover if it's something you may in fact be going through. You just never had a name for it before and now you recogn that it really is a thing. So I'm going to share with you what it looks like and feels like. And then I'm going to give you eight ways to get Back on track. It's not something where, you know, you have to throw out the baby with the bath water, as the old saying goes. That's kind of an extreme reaction to what for many of us is kind of a deep personal need. You know, it's more than a hobby. It's just like who and what we are. This continuous desire to become something bigger and deeper and more, I don't know, more of everything. So let's get started with the dark side of personal growth. Personal growth, right. This whole desire to kind of get past your blocks, your fears, your inadequacies, to realize your personal power. There's so many ways to define what personal growth is, but they have a kind of general basis underneath it. It's really this desire inside of you to become something, someone who is more self actualized, meaning more self aware. So you know who you are, you know why you do the things that you do. And you know what the results are typically of what you're doing or feeling or thinking or being when you're not in a state of personal growth. And you know, sometimes contrast is the best teacher. You're looking at that person who seems to go through life with their head in the sand. They are not aware of what they're doing. They repeat the same things over and over again. They get themselves into the same problematic situations. They seem to have zero awareness of what they're doing or why they're getting the results they're getting. Oftentimes, of course, this leads to a lot of unhappiness. It's leading to a sense of, you know, I don't know why life is treating me like this. And I feel like kind of victimized by life. I feel like life just keeps crapping on me. You know, that's the person who is not in a state of personal growth. So personal growth on the whole, you know, for me is a beautiful, wonderful philosophy or way of living or, you know, a hobby, and deeper than a hobby, however you want to say it. But when it starts to go bad, it can go really, really bad. I was at the gym yesterday with my daughter. We joined a new gym. And one of the things that the gym has us do because it's like a. It's like a. It's kind of like a medical gym. You know, it's for people like me who's had some surgeries and issues. And so they always set you up at the trainer who really monitors you because they want you to get healthier and stronger. Right? They want those muscles exercise, they Want that cardio going. But they recognize there's a good way to work out and there's a bad way to work out, right? The bad way to work out is when you're doing squats wrong and you're straining your back. You know when you're doing your bicep curls wrong and you know you're going to be blowing out your elbow if you're not careful. So personal growth, right and wrong kind of follows similarly, right? There's a right way to do it and then there's a wrong way to do it. A misapplication, if you will. And if you don't have someone there, a guide or a teacher, some way of sensing or seeing, where are you in it? It's kind of like if you're in a. Imagine a cardboard box that reaches the ceiling in your house, right? And you're inside the cardboard box. So from your perspective, this cardboard box is very small. It's only. You've only got like 6 inches of room around you. I know. What a miserable little thought, right? You don't know you're in a cardboard box. What you're seeing is a very dark, constricting area. But you can't see what somebody else would see, which is, hey, do you want me to like rip a little air hole in that box for you? Would you like to get out of that box? There's a big old room in here, but you're in a box. You can't see it though, because you don't have that perspective. So first thing you want to do, of course, is find a way to get the perspective. And in fact, just listening to today's show, I can be that perspective for you, right? I can be that outside force saying, hey, you may have fallen off your path here. You may have gone to the dark side of personal growth. So you're looking at yourself now kind of critically, which is, aha, leading me right into the first part of the dark side of personal growth. Now, personal growth is a built in paradox, right? It's a built in paradox because in order for you to grow and develop, what you're also saying is there's something in me that is not fully grown and developed. So you're looking at that immature aspect of yourself. And I don't mean an ego based immature, I mean like a little teeny plant that's still a seedling. It's not matured into a plant yet. It's still in a state of growth. So you're looking at those areas of yourself that are Young, fresh, new, just starting out, immature. And you look at them as if you're not good enough. Well, you're not fully actualized yet. You're still small and not helpful, whatever it may be. And you tend to call these areas of your life things you're not good at, things that you can't figure out, things that happen to you again and again, things that are always knocking you back. You know, one more, you know, one step backwards. What's that saying? You know, one step forward, three steps back, right? So you have your eye fixed on this understanding that I have to grow past this. But growing past it means I have to acknowledge where I am simply not good enough, right? And that's the core phrase. That's it, I'm not good, good enough paradox right there. I'm not good enough, and I want to be better. So we go through our days, we go through our weeks, and we're landing each moment in one of these camps or the other. I'm good enough. I'm not good enough. If I'm good enough, well, then why do I need to grow, right? I'm good enough. It's solved. It's great. I've done it. It's fixed. If I'm not good enough, oh, now I need to grow. Now I need to grow. And when you are starting to veer into the dark side, what happens is that your emphasis, day to day, moment by moment, really starts to focus in on what you don't have, what's not fixed, what's not good enough, what's still in process. And it becomes this kind of constant reminder to you, like a daily emotional grind inside yourself. If I was only better at this, if I could only make more money. I don't know how. I don't know how to have a good relationship. I don't even have a relationship. I need to fix this. I need to grow through this. I need to get coached through this. I need, I need, I need. Like, if you're starting to hear yourself say, I need, I need, I need with this kind of desperate desire, you've fallen into the dark side. Yes, you need a little bit of that. Or what would happen? Would you grow at all? What would happen if there were no need in you? If every day you were just like, no, good enough. No, it's good enough. No, it's fine. No, good enough, good enough, good enough. See, then you'd start falling into the other side of things, which is lack of awareness, no personal growth, you know, sticking your fingers in your ears and Closing your eyes and saying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't see it. I don't hear it. I'm not aware at all. And now I'm laying out some treacherous territory, huh? I probably lost you already. So we'll back up. We'll back up a few steps here. Going to the dark side of personal growth always instills in you a feeling of not being good enough. You can be in a state of personal growth and feel good enough. And I'm going to show you how. I'm going to tell you how. I'm going to give you ways to get there and get back on track. But if you're on the dark side, you're feeling like there are things you need that you don't have. Everything in your life is dependent on those things that you can't be don't have. Your focus is veered strongly toward. Come on, you guys. You know my favorite word, lack. Your focus is hitched its wagon to lack. I don't have what I need. I'm not getting what I need. There's something wrong with me. I. I'm not good enough. Lack, lack, lack in all of its various iterations. Another way of looking at it is if you're looking at your life right now and you're saying to yourself, everything will get better. All the good stuff is ahead of me. It's going to get better. I know it will get better. I'm going to make more money. I'm going to live in a better house. I'm going to be happier. I'm going to have more friends. I'm going to lose ten pounds. I'm going to love my body again. I'm going to have less stress. I'm going to have more time in my life. I'm going to have to fix those relationships with people that are broken. Everything looks better ahead, right? All these things that. What. What are you actually saying? What's the flip side of that? It means now. My now isn't very good. My now is kind of crummy. My now is crappy because I have all these things that aren't good enough yet. They're all coming to me. Those are the things I'm striving toward. And you're like, summer, my head is totally spinning and I want to strive toward better things. Are you telling me not to strive toward better things and to just be fine with what is? No. You see why you feel off balance right now even as I describe it? Because I'm describing a teeter totter Remember, you know, teeter totters, you find them on playgrounds, you know, you put your little kids on two sides of them. Or if you're the, if you're the grown up at the playground, you barely sit down because, you know, you got your kid on the other side and they're like, you know, £50. And you're quite a bit heavier than that. And you guys go up and down and up and down. And there's this, there's this equilibrium that happens right in the middle. Like when you see the teeter totter, it's kind of maybe, you know, parallel to the ground, but as soon as the heavier person sits on it, boop, the lighter person pops up and you go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Imagine that as metaphor for what happens to you daily in your love affair with personal growth. What happens in most love affairs. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. You make me so bad and you make me feel like the worst I've ever felt in my life. But I love you and you also make me feel the best I've ever felt in my life. This beautiful set of extremes, this beautiful set of opposites is imbued in everything we know, everything, even our own personal growth. And the wobble, like, I don't know if I quite get this is because I'm talking about the good side of personal growth and the bad side of personal growth. And what we're trying to find is, is that beautiful precise balance in the middle where we can look at our life and say, I'm not frustrated about this desire. I don't feel like worry that where is it, it's not happening. I'm not feeling like everything is going to be better. Actually, everything is amazing. Amazing for me right now. I am in a state of total gratitude and bliss about my life right now. That said, there are lots of things that fire me up, excite me, that I am running toward hungrily to make, become, accept, delve into, be revealed, etc. In my life, right? That is a statement of somebody right in the balance. I'm very pleased and happy with who I am and what I am. However, the idea of seeing what else is there and moving into the unknown and going deeper inside myself thrills me. I will be happy as I grow and I am happy in my current place of being. Now, we are not in either state overly. We're right in the middle. So how do we get there? That becomes the question. How do we get there? So I'm going to give you eight ways, eight things you can do right now to relieve that sense of lack, to relieve the possibility that you may have right now of you're just not good enough. And personal growth has done nothing but actually make me feel more miserable because all it's doing is revealing to me all the things in me that are not right and not perfect and getting in my way and blocking me, right? We're gonna leapfrog out of that and get back on track. And then of course, we're going to do a little flow dream a bit later. I think you're going to enjoy that too. So let's start with the first thing you can do to get yourself back in track and out of that dark side that built in paradox that exists inside personal growth. First thing, emphasize wholeness. Emphasize wholeness. What does that mean? Well, I'm a whole being, right? That means part of me is aware of the things I do to sabotage myself, to hurt myself, to screw up my relationships, to screw up my relationship with money, to screw up my relationship to my body. All the kinds of things we do. I'm aware, but I'm also aware of how beautiful I am, how I love and respect myself, how I have great, intimate, vulnerable relationships, how I have talents and skills, all the wisdom I've gleaned. I am aware of it all. All exists within me. All is critical to who I am. It's yin and yang. It is the whole. And I exist in the whole. And the whole is equally balanced. The whole is equally balanced. How beautiful is that? Right? It's 50, 50 dark and light. I exist in a state of wholeness, pure acceptance. It's a subtle thought, but it's deep. If you give yourself a second to just drink it in. I am whole. I am completely whole as I am now. The broken stuff and the perfect stuff creates my wholeness. It creates my whole identity. And that in itself is exactly as it should be. I am at peace with that. You see, what happens is the fear and the worry about not being good enough just powers way, way down. When you automatically accept your inner wholeness, you go, yeah, there's pieces I want to improve. And yeah, there are pieces that are doing pretty awesome. I am whole and this is where I should be. Ooh, I can relax because I'm not someplace I shouldn't be. Do you see this? The self acceptance kind of feeling state. That's number one. Number two, little variation. Some of these are just variations, but they're just different ways of shedding light, you know, different facets of the same thing. Second way, I want you to practice being good enough. Now, so many of you guys who are just total personal growth junkies, I wouldn't suggest this to everyone, but if you're listening to this podcast, this live radio show, you probably are veering toward the side of a personal growth junkie because otherwise you'd never have found this. You wouldn't be the person looking for personal growth. So I'm going to take a educated guess that you're perhaps more on the side of I'm never good enough. Never good enough. So I'm saying, be good enough now. What if you said to yourself, everything I am right now is good enough. I'm good enough. My relationships, I am good enough in them. My income, I am good enough with it. And now you're screaming at me, but I'm not. But I'm not. I still need more of this or more of that. I. I know. Old habits die hard, huh? You only see how strong they are when I'm encouraging you to feel differently about something. And then you resist it because you say, but that's not the truth. You're not looking at the reality. Well, let's play with your reality a second. What if in fact it is good enough? What if you are good enough? What if you are not as broken and as lack focused and not getting what you want and it never happens? And when will it ever happen? And I'm frustrated. What if all of those things weren't really true for you anymore? What if you just said, I'm good enough, my life is good enough, I'm pretty darn happy. I've got a lot of good stuff going. And the bad stuff, you know, there's some of it. You know, it's like every apple tree has a lot of beautiful, gorgeous apples and there's a few that have little worms in them. There's always a little bit. But yeah, I'm a pretty nice apple tree. Practice feeling good enough. Now that's something we do in flow dreaming quite a bit. We practice feeling, I am good. I am whole. I am perfect. I'm perfect. We practice this feeling state. Why? Is it because we want to trick ourselves into believing it? No, it's because we want more of that energy. We want more of that emotion inside of us. We want that to start permeating our realities, co creating for us and with us. But you have to practice that feeling. To get more of that feeling, you have to tell the universe and flow, hey, I want More of this feeling. Can you please do this? But you have to model that feeling for the universe, for God, for source, so it knows. Oh, that's the feeling. Look, she just felt it. That's clearly the feeling. Whereas you've probably instead been saying things like I need to feel and I want this. And Flo's like saying, well she's just keep saying she needs it and she wants it so we better just keep keeping her in that state of needing and wanting because that's all she's giving us to get it. It's a very fine distinction, but critical. Let's keep going here. The next way that you get back on track number three, to get out of the dark side, personal growth. I love this. So old fashioned. Gratitude, Gratitude. You know, I couldn't go the whole show today without saying that. Gratitude. You know, the older I get, the more I practice personal growth, the more I recognize the value of gratitude. I love what I have, I love who I am. I appreciate you and you and you. I appreciate my body. I'm not thinking about how it's broken and betrayed me and it's sick and it doesn't feel good, it's overweight, it's got too much fat and I'm not thinking about those things. I think about those things way too much. Dark side. No, I'm thinking about how my body gives me a day, every day. Wakes up, I'm still breathing, my heart is still pounding, it's carrying me through a good 24 hours. My brain is still working hard, storing memories, allowing me to speak to you, talk to you, communicate love. It's giving me this potential to love and make connections and talk and experience and God, man, my body is fabulous. It's self correcting, it's fighting off viruses and immune issues, it's digesting food, powering me up with energy. Wow. On balance, my body is doing a thousand million more good things for me every day than the few bad things that I just carp on about. Why don't I see that? Well, I do now and I feel gratitude. Let's go to the next one. I have discovered that focusing on your own inner power tends to negate the sense of powerlessness that comes when you are in the dark side. When you're in the dark side, one of the hallmarks of it is I am powerless. Think about it. All the things I said at the beginning of today's episode, all of them were different ways of saying I have no power. I have no power. I am powerless against this. I don't like to use the word victim. Because all of us when we hear the word victim, think, ooh, that's not me. I hate that word. I'm not a victim. But if I say, you're not in your power, you're not standing in your power, we all kind of hang our heads and go, yeah, that's me. I'm not hang. I'm not in my power. You're right. I'm not standing in my power. So being in the dark side is this continuous acknowledgment of how much power the world has that you don't have. And by the world, I mean every darn thing outside of you. People stuff, the circumstances you were born into, God, anything else that you say is holding the power and not you. That's putting you in the dark side constantly. So if you flip that, if you reverse it and you say instead, I have lots of inner power. I have the power. You don't have the power. I have the power. Do you know, in me school, we devote an entire segment to inner power alone, cultivating it, coaxing it into being, watching it sprout and rise up in us, nurturing it. You guys ever started a fire, you know, and it's kind of wet and cold, and you're just like, oh, come on, I know I can get you going. And you kind of have to blow on that match a little blow on that flame. And it seems counterintuitive, like, I'm gonna blow out the flame, but I'm actually blowing onto it to make it grow bigger. This is what inner power is like. We need to light that flame and then you blow on it, right? And you make it bigger. And it's a process. It's something you devote yourself to. This doesn't just happen by accident. If you wait for your inner power to grow by accident. That's what most people call living a regular, very non personal growth oriented life. It means that you kind of get little tiny bits and pieces of inner power. It's like coins dropping out of a hole in your pocket. As you walk along the road, you're gonna get a coin. Every you 50ft, 100ft, a mile. Few coins drop out here and there. You got to cover a lot of ground, though, to get those coins to drop because it's just a little hole, just a little hole in your pocket. As you move through experiences in life, many of them will build your power. Oh, that built my power. You graduated from high school, that built your power. You're like, I'm a high School graduate now. Great. It's not that big of a deal. Most people are high school graduates. But believe me, if you're not a high school graduate, you know what I'm talking about. You feel an immense lack of power probably still resting on your shoulders today. Like, why didn't I do that? God, my life was so screwed up, I should have done it. The rest of you, you've taken it for granted already as a little piece that's grown your inner power. But you weren't thinking at the time, graduating high school is going to grow my inner power. No, you were just thinking, I'm just doing what everybody else is doing and everybody does this, so I'm doing it too. And I have absolutely no self awareness about what this experience in my life is doing for me. Most people grow their inner power completely blindly. They grow their inner power every time they get a job. They grow their inner power every time they speak their truth to someone else. They grow their power over and over. But the thing is, they're also breaking their inner power pretty constantly as well. Every time someone else does better than them, every time they don't speak up and say what they need or how they feel, every time they are terminated from a job, every time someone breaks up with them and says, I'm actually not in love with you, their inner power gets broken. But you are on the path of self discovery and self growth, self development. You are consciously creating inner power. If you create inner power, what do you think happens? Consciously creating inner power with an awareness? I'm going to go through this experience to create inner power. Oh my God. The game totally changes. And you're not looking now with the things you're not great at, that don't work for you, that you can't do, that you can't have, that aren't good enough. Instead, you're looking at every experience as this is growing my power. This is awesome. And you're not focusing on, I'm not good enough, I need to get better. You're just saying I'm having a wonderful experience and it's growing my inner power and I am good enough as I am. You follow? Believe me, if these are new thoughts to you, you will still have a hard time quite getting it. As you grow into it though, it clicks into place. You're like, yeah, get it now. I get it, I get it. So maybe this is the first time you've heard me talk about things like this. Maybe it's the 20th time or the 50th time. It's going to click and you're going to say, I see exactly what she means. Inner power. Okay, so that is our first four. We have four more and I think this is a really good time for us to go ahead and take a little break. So I'm gonna go and I'll come back in like a minute or so and we're gonna go through four more. We're gonna do a little bit of a flow dream and I do see your calls, so I will be getting to them in just a minute right after this. Imagine if there were a store where you could walk down the aisle and pop some self love into your basket. Or how about tons of clients? Or maybe you're more in the mood for some relationship repair. Or how about more money monthly? These are all flow dreams and you can literally put them in your basket basket. You can use them, feel them, take them inside you and become them. Become these things inside so that the universe starts offering them to you on the outside in your life. You tell the universe who you are by feeling it first. You can find all of these flow dreams. I have more than 100 of them. They're@flowdreaming.com in my shop. Browse through, pick the things that you want to become and put them in your cart. Now you can find the Flow Dreaming shop both on a regular computer as well as on your mobile device. On your mobile device, you can either use your browser to go to flowdreaming.com or you can download my free app where you can browse through. Listen to samples of all of the flow dreams that I've just been talking about. So go check them out, choose a few playlists, get started, pick up my free kit that teaches you how to flow dream while you're at it, and that way you can really get started changing your life. Now let's get back to the program. In case you missed it, the number to call to talk to me live is the U.S. number, 1-760-456-7277. Flow Dreaming airs live on Tuesdays, so check flowdreaming.com for my current live broadcast time. Again, reach me at 1-760-456-7277. Now let's get back to the show. And as usual, I have packed too much information into my puny little hour with you. So I'm gonna through a couple of these. But I do want to get through all eight because I see your calls and I want to do a flow dream with you too. So number five, how do I get Back into the light. The light side of personal growth. H. I don't know. There's a book title in there somewhere. Love your imperfection. Love your imperfection. Gosh, you guys, I know how you are. A students, right? Go, getters. Drive, drive, drive. If you want personal growth, if you love, you know, making yourself better, it tends to tell me that you're of the particular personality type where you want to do your best and you will push hard, and you will push too hard, and you need to be perfect. And you say, no, I don't. I don't need to be perfect. And I say, yes, you do. Take another look at yourself. Because saying I don't need to be perfect is another way of saying, I'm already so perfect that I know I don't need to be perfect, perfect, it's kind of backing me up. But if you can say, yeah, sometimes I do push for perfection, and I'm not aware that I do because it's part of who I am. Okay, good. Now we're getting somewhere. I want you to love the imperfect parts of you. It's kind of like imagine, you know, some things that get better when they're a little bit cracked. You know, not everything has to be whole and new. I mean, you go to an antique store, you look at some of these gorgeous pieces of furniture, these gorgeous relics. If they look like they came right off the shelf, yeah, that's awesome. But sometimes you look at them and say, it's got a patina. It shows use. It shows care. It shows its evolution. That's gorgeous, right? Don't they say something about Stratocaster? Stratocaster? Is it Stratocaster? That's not right. I'm talking. That's a guitar. I'm thinking about those very fancy violins. Yeah, that's a Strat. That's a. Oh, I can't remember. Right. They actually get better with age. You get better with age. You get better with all of your tiny fragments and imperfections because they're who you are. They're the broken spots, the scarred spots, the ripped areas, the pieces and points in you where you say, that is not perfect. And I love it anyway. I love it anyway. If you grow to adore your imperfections, you will take a huge pressure off this. I'm not good enough. I need to grow more. Personal growth is making me feel like crap because all I'm doing is looking at my imperfections all the time. Well, you know what? You can look at your imperfections and say, I love you. I Love you. I know that you don't fit in your clothes anymore and you want to drop two sizes, but I still love you. And that'll be the next thing we do to challenge ourselves and occupy our time. Right? Your life becomes a game, a joyful game. What do you want to do next? What do you want to try next? Right? We have to have desires like that. If we didn't have those desires, you would be flat, you would not be growing, you would become unaware, dim and dark. But we're going for the middle of that teeter totter, right in the center, where you're aware of what you want to grow, but you're also happy with what you are. Because the awareness of what you want to grow is that desire. It's the push. It's what tells you, hey, take on something new. Hey, go learn tennis. Hey, go learn a new foreign language. Hey, go fall in love. Hey, let's get rid of this thing in you that's making you not be able to make up with your brother. And you've been in a fight for 20 years. Hey, let's get through that. You're ready, right? That's a great feeling. Can be a great feeling. Okay, next one. Love the paradox I've been talking about the paradox all show love the paradox. Don't fight the paradox. This is another way of saying, love the wholeness. Love this paradox. When we try to stamp out something in ourselves. What we're saying is, I don't like you, I don't love you, and I want you gone. That is not wholeness. That is a perfectionist saying, I cannot have these pieces in me. I cannot have this need, this desire to grow. Sometimes people confuse this with the ego. And they say, I need to get rid of my ego because it makes me so unhappy. Well, yeah, it can make you really unhappy because it can cause you to compare yourself, to be jealous, to be envious, to feel not good enough to get hollow. Applause just to make you feel better from other people. Outside, validation, the list goes on. Do you know what your ego also does? It whispers, you're good enough for that. You can do that. Hey, let's try that. That looks fun. Let's go for it. Of all people who could do that, I think it's you, right? A strong, healthy ego is going to let you pursue things. It's going to be your drive, the fire in your belly. I hear from more people in me school who came because they say, I don't have fire in my belly. I lost it somewhere along the way I am flat, I am numb, I am going through the motions day by day. And it brings me to tears thinking that the rest of my life might look like this. What the hell happened to me? And I say we need to fire you again. Fire you up. Love the paradox. Come play with me. Come rediscover it. The last two things I want to cover with you, self care, not self growth. Some of you need to just stop your self growth right now. I mean, take a breather, take a vacation from it, halt in the tracks. Instead, focus on self care. How are you soothing yourself? How are you nourishing yourself again? This is a big chunk of what I teach. We spend time nourishing ourself. We don't make nourishing ourselves an afterthought. Like I'll get a little nourishment at the end of the day after all all the other things have done I've done for my family, for my work, for my boss, for everybody else. And I'll take my little 10 minutes at the end of the day when I unwind and have a glass of wine and take a bubble bath. If I even get that far, I may just flop into bed totally exhausted and tired. Nourishing yourself self care. If you embark on this kind of radical self care, you will pull yourself out of the personal growth dark side because you're starting to give to yourself. Instead of constantly saying critically, this is where you're broken, this is where you're no good, this is where you need to grow, this is what you don't have. Self care is I'm going to give to you. I'm going to give to you. I'm going to give to you. I'm going to give to you. Can you feel energetically the difference between those states of being you give to yourself day after day after day after day, what do you think starts to happen? You blossom, you bloom, it's an antidote. And again, last one. Sorry if I'm speeding up a little bit, but I hope this is giving you a lot to chew on. I want you to realize that the people that you go to for self growth and self development, the people that you look to as your teachers, as your coaches, as your guides, right? Your spiritual guides, your pastors, your rabbis, anyone who is lighting the the flame that you follow. What I've seen over my life is that the people who teach are the people who have had to learn, right? The teachers teach what they have learned. For them to have had the need to learn, it means that Your teachers didn't start with it. By and large, 99% of them did not have it. They were just like you. They become possessed with the understanding. There is something I need to learn. I need to master this. I will step onto the path of mastery. Once they master it, they can be able to teach it. But think about this. What are the kinds of things we choose to master? Only things that we have an intense interest in. And why do we have an intense interest in them? Usually because we want to grow them. We see something in ourselves and we say we need to fix that. All of your teachers, in other words, started as broken vessels. I teach flow dreaming because I am rehabilitating from being a workaholic, a personality control freak. So this is why I recognize that flow was my savior. Because for me, it gets me in a state of beautiful and perfect balance and co creation. It takes the control out of my hands. It allows me to share and trust in that sharing. And I had to grow that and practice it. The people who teach you are actually learning. How does this help you get out of the dark side? Because it makes you realize they're not perfect. Most of us haven't yet completely scaled the mountain. There are a few people who have totally, truly mastered it, but most of us are still practicing daily. And we fall off that mountainside from time to time. And we have to bring ourselves right back on. We've had more experience, more practice than you, to whatever degree. And this is why when you're looking for your teachers, you want to look and see how much practice have you had. Where are you along the scale? Are you ahead of me? Because that's really what I'm needing. If you're even with me. We're not really going to get a whole lot done. We're going to be peer mentors, but I'm not going to really feel led. So notice that even the people you admire, even the people you admire are still just people. And they're learning because it was probably the biggest thing that started out broken inside them too make you feel better? I hope so. So that is it. 8 Ways to get yourself out of the dark side. But I think the biggest thing here that I want to just kind of leave you with is personal growth is a pleasure. It is a joy. It should make you feel like you have butterflies in your heart all the time. And when it starts to feel sour, ugly, frustrating, it's not something that you have to say, oh no, it's me. It's wrong. You just have to like Tinker with it, make a few adjustments, turn a few knobs here and there. Just see what's going on and put yourself right back into balance. It's doable. Absolutely doable. Okay, so let's jump on over to one of our beautiful collars. I don't know if we'll get to both, but I see. Carla. Carla. Carla. Hey, Carla. How are you? Hi.

I'm good.

Wonderful. What's going on?

Well, it's my birthday, so I just wanted to talk to you and.

Get some good energy going. Yeah.

I'm loving your radio station. It's awesome.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Ah. So what's happening?

Always going through this. Having to overcome lack and stretching and growing, but yet taking a step back and being happy at the point I am.

Right? Exactly. Yeah.

So you're like, you've been talking.

Yeah. Where. Where you're having the awareness that you're. You're not quite in the joyful stage of personal growth. You're in the frustrated stage, the I'm not good enough stage. So did anything I say kind of help, you know, switch that switch over in your head? Yeah.

I see. Focusing on the inner power that. That really struck me, but I know I'm growing inside.

Beautiful. All right, Carla, well, let me just take a little peek and see what I see with you here. I think that's what you're after, even though you haven't asked for it. Right. Okay, let's see. On your birthday, where are things heading for you? Oh, boy. Out of the woods. Out of the woods. You're like little Red Riding Hood popping out into the sunshine. I feel like you're in the last few meters, the last few feet of the rough. I feel like I saw this for you before, because I do know you.

Mm.

You're just. You know, it's like you're shaking off the snow. It's like you're just shaking off. You're shaking off where you've been. I just feel. I feel warmth, I feel light, I feel bright coming your way. And I don't just say these things. Right. If. Other. If I didn't, I'd say you need to gear up and steal up and let's, you know, let's get you ready for that. But I really. I really feel this kind of softening and more happiness. And, you know, of all people, that whole thing about perfection, that's another thing that you, you know, you have very high standards for yourself. Very, very high. Anything less than meeting those high standards falls into not good enough. As opposed to look how well I did. Right. So everything you do. Look how well I did, look how well I did not. Look how well I did not do. That's the shift you need to keep making on everything. In fact, I'd like you to write that down on a piece of paper and put it someplace where it reminds you, or put it as a reminder on your phone to pop up every day, look how good I did. Okay. And it's just a phrase, and I love little magic phrases like this. It's a phrase that says, oh, I better shift my thinking. Because you're right, I had been thinking opposite that about this. This thing. But now I'm going to look at it from that. That perspective instead. How is that?

Yeah, it was just a tough spring, and I'm just trying to shake that off still. But I do see really good signs of things that are good happening.

Yes. I feel so, too. And I'm feeling like when I looked at this before for you, it just feels like. I feel like I'm echoing myself somehow. I don't know if I am, but I feel like I am because I feel the same thing. Okay. Yeah. All right, my dear. Well.

Well, thank you.

Thank you. And I will let you go. Bye, Carla. Take care.

Bye.

Bye. I wasn't going too deep into specifics because she had requested some anonymity there, which is just fine. If you're calling me, you're welcome to do so. Sometimes, though, it means I just won't quite dig in because, you know, I'm trying to keep your private stuff private as opposed to sharing it with the world. So how about Caitlin? I think we can. Let's do one more. Let's do Caitlin, and then we'll jump into a flow dream. Just a real brief one. So, Caitlin, I've got just a couple. A couple minutes for you. How are you? How have you been? You're a former student, too?

Yes. Hi.

Hi.

I'm good. I've been much better since last time I spoke to you.

Great.

And I'm back in San Diego for now.

Ooh, wonderful. So your health is better? You've improved as well?

Yeah, it's been a. It's a slow kind of progression journey, but I'm consistently working on it and I'm feeling better overall.

So can you see what led to your last breakdown? Have you have been able to get some perspective on that yet? Yes.

Well, it's good. It's a pattern.

I will.

I know. Well, for me now.

Yeah.

I mean, I know that my emotions and stress is directly correlated with my physical health. And my body is just extremely sensitive at this point.

Yeah.

And so just like, you know, some things avoidable and some things unavoidable in terms of family situations and my mom being diagnosed with cancer, all kind of. I think it just piled up and.

Yeah.

Led to some body breakdown. So.

Yes. So you need to be very careful about that overwhelm. But I know that's not what you called about. What was that?

Well, I actually wanted to ask if you could look inside someone's head. I met this guy who's visiting from Italy. He's here learning English. He's only going to be here through June, but I don't know, we've kind of been seeing each other and we've planned this whole, like, camping and music festival trip starting this weekend. And two of his other friends are coming and I've been feeling progressively more anxious about it in terms of just like.

Are you seeing him? So I don't have a. I don't have a whole lot of time. I'm so sorry, honey. Is at the end of the show. But are you currently seeing him? Are you in a relationship with him?

Not. Yes and no. Not serious. I found out.

Okay.

He told me he had a girlfriend back in Italy and I didn't know that until now.

Ah. Okay. So he wasn't really being completely honest with you. And just give me his first name and let's just get a read on this.

Samani.

Samani. Okay, real quick. Samani. Samani somebody. Where are you? Some money and you're going to go camping with Caitlin. Oh, this poor fellow is quite torn. Everything is so exciting out here and he wants to live it up and he wants to be a good guy, too, but it's easy not to be a good guy sometimes. And he might just let things slide a bit. So you just be aware of that. He's not the most. I don't feel he's the most faithful guy. He feels like distance is a good excuse. Like he'll come up with. He comes up with these interesting rationales in his mind. Like. Like I'm operating outside of time and space right now, so I can do anything I want. But that's not true. I think, you know, when he goes back, you're not going to see him anymore. He doesn't feel like a real sure bet to me right now. So if I were you on the camping trip, I would just be nice and be friendly, but I would really. I would probably hold myself back. I don't know that you want to be involved in that. It's just not the energy that you. That you're looking for. Okay, hon? Okay.

Okay.

All right. Thank you. I gotta let you go, my dear. Thank you so much. It's so good hearing from you again.

Okay, you too. Thanks.

Take care. Bye, Caitlin.

Bye.

All right, so we just have a couple of minutes. I need to let these flo dreams be a bit longer, but in some, you know, in the special series, I'm not even sure if I want to do them or not sometimes. But today I will close your eyes with me and we're just gonna feel right now, not a real flow dream. I just want you to feel with me what it's like to be content with yourself. Bring that up inside your heart, inside your body. It's an emotion. Bring it up. I'm content with myself. I'm fully at ease. I'm powerful. I'm aware. I am beautifully imperfect. I'm beautifully imperfect. I'm powerful. And yet sometimes I'm not. And that's okay, too. I'm in a state of gorgeous ease inside, joy inside, peace inside. There are things I want to do, things I want to grow, ways that I want to become. I can feel all of that. Those ideas, those feelings excite me. But I also feel content. I feel gratitude. Gratitude for my life. I feel grateful for the wholeness in my life, Grateful for everything that I have here, knowing it's been gifted to me. It's perfect. Everything I need surrounds me. The universe is abundant. I am abundant. Everything I need is here. I release that feeling of being wrong, of being needy, not being good enough. I release the frustration of having a pattern. Big deal. I release the frustration of not having what I want, yet I just allow it. I let it be in its own time. I find the center like a top that's spinning in perfect balance. If I weren't in balance, I'd fall over. But I am in balance. Perfect, beautiful balance. My heart is a garden filled with flowers, blooming, growing, becoming. And I hold that feeling state even now as I return and open my eyes. So, not quite a flow dream. And with that, my friends, we're wrapping up another episode of Flow dreaming. I will be back with you guys same time, same place, next week as we continue to peer into all of the corners and crevices of our lives and go forward in our journey together. Hey, everyone, thanks for listening today. One request before you go, Please rate this podcast either in itunes or tunein.com or wherever you listen to it. It'll only take you a minute to do, but your rating there is the number one way that other people discover this show and the more ratings, the more people who will find and get turned on to Flow Dreaming. While you're there, you might also want to download my free Flow Dreaming podcast app. With this app, you can listen to the show anywhere you want on your mobile device as well as search through listings of all of my episodes and bookmark your favorites. And if you want to listen to Flow Dreams actual Flow Dreams on your phone, there's even another app. It's my Player app and it will let you browse and sample Flow Dreams from the shop. There's even an oracle inside of that app to help you see and discover what you need to know most or what Flow Dream would be best for you in your life. Right now. You can find these apps on itunes or in Google or your Amazon App Store. And again, thank you so so so much for giving back. Love you. Bye bye. It.