#564: The Trauma of Making Big Decisions

Flow Dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief. And that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik and welcome to. Welcome back to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Well, hi, everyone. How are you doing today? I hope you're having a beautiful, beautiful day or evening. If that's the case, you're listening maybe on demand to the show. We're going to make some awesome big decisions or maybe just some little decisions. I don't know, we might work our way up. But this is episode number 564, the drama of making big decisions. And this topic is close to my heart because it's something that I have always struggled with. Do I or don't I? What will happen if this? What will happen if that? Can you please just guarantee me an outcome? So you can see how Flo got a hold of me and said, no, no, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? Because there'd be no chance for something to develop that you aren't controlling. And it feels like life often is there for us to have all kinds of experiences that we do not control. If you could control everything, you'd be an omnipotent God. And where would be the fun in that? I think after a while you'd wish that something would go exactly not as you had planned it. So keep that in mind as we explore our hour here on the trauma of making big decisions. Now. Oh, I have eight ways that I'm going to share with you. I'm really digging these numbered lists. Anybody who knows me knows I like my numbered lists, keeping all the data neat and tidy. But I do have eight really good points that I'd like you to think about and mull over and just drink in that will help you with your decisions. Now, one of the things I always teach in my classes right from the get go, because I do ask my students to make lots and lots of decisions, I say, you know, flow can't give you any results, can't give you new opportunities, new options unless you're making decisions, right? That's how you get new material in. New choices lead to new things. New things lead to new, more opportunity. And if you choke that off, then you basically are just sitting there staring at the same set of potentials over and over and over because you don't take Any of them. Those of us who get stuck a lot in our lives, we tend to sit there looking at the same set of variables for days, weeks, months, years. We can't advance the conversation with life because we haven't made the decision that's right in front of us. We haven't made the choice. And that's really what we're talking about, choices. What are your choices going to be? So some of us have gotten to this damage point in our lives where we're freaked out about making wrong choices because frankly we have made wrong choices. And we tend to make wrong choices in the same areas over and over. In fact, I was just on a phone call with my mom bemoaning this thing. I make the same dumb choices over and over in this one particular area. Why? Why? Why? But we do. And you've got your area, I've got my area. Your best friend has his or her area, your mom has her area. You know what I mean? And we all can see everybody's areas very clearly except our own, right? The, the friend who always marries the wrong guy, the parent who always, you know, loses the job. The. It's like ah, we see it well now we're going to see the area where we maybe don't make the greatest decisions and da da da da da. We're going to fix it or we're going to attempt to fix it. Now some of the things I'm talking about are going to be very practical and some of them are going to be very woo woo and energy based. Because you need both. You need both. You need to come from an energy, emotional perspective, right? That's how you work with non physical to make a great decision. And some of them are going to be very physical, action oriented, inspired, action oriented. Because that's how you make a great decision from the physical. If you're missing one or the other, you're missing half of the information you need to execute a great decision. And no wonder. Sometimes your decisions just don't work out the way you think they will because we haven't used both. So let's just jump right in. A big decision for me is one that has consequences. I mean potential, usually bad consequences. That's. I know. Isn't that kind of a weird lack centered way of defining a big decision? But really if you think of a big decision, should I go to college? Should I marry this person? Should we move in together? Should we have a baby? Should I quit my job? Should I? Big ones, Should I move across the country to be with My parents, the consequence, the reason we don't just go, Yeah. I mean, frankly, if it enters your mind to do. There's a part of you that's saying yes. You know, it's entered your mind, it's there, it's showing up as an option. But the part of you that says no is, I can't make this decision because I'm afraid of blankety, blankety blank. There was always that. But I can't make this decision because I'm afraid of blankety, blankety blank. That's the lack thought. And that is always what is a hallmark of the big decision. The bigger the decision, often the bigger the lack thought that's hanging off of it like a price tag. Bigger the gain, bigger the loss. So I'm going to address a lot of the loss aspects today because if we can eliminate that, you can go forward pretty strong, pretty confident, pretty. If not assured, then at least feeling emotionally grounded and well about having made it. Okay, so number one, first thing, this is contrary to what you think, because everyone says, get all the facts. Don't make a hasty decision. Contrary is this. Don't take too much information in. It's like Goldilocks and the three bears. There's the baby bear, you know, the mama bear and the papa bear. And mama bear's bed is just right, or no, it was baby bear's bed. That's right. One was too hard, one was too soft, and one was just right. If you're the person who says, I never really look at things, I just jump. You will probably jump into some kind of rotten things, and you're gonna jump into some amazing things. And if that's your style, great. You shouldn't be listening to this because you make big decisions all the day, all day long. But if you're like the rest of us, we say, hmm, I need more information. I need more information. I need more information. The more information I have, the better my decision is going to be. And here's what happens. You get lost in the information, you get confused in the information. You begin to be unable to actually sift through the information, and it leads to a state of paralysis. You think you're doing a great job by getting as much information as you can, but in reality, a tipping point occurs and it becomes a less effective way of making that choice. They've done studies, actually in psychology and social research, where if you offer people three choices, they feel relaxed and comfortable making the three choice. One of the three choices, if you offer them many, many, many, many choices with Many small different variables like 20, 30, they're going to not make those choices as quickly or make them as well. This has particularly been studied with buying habits. You ever wondered why maybe there's only three versions of something? In some industries, you know, you get the small, medium or large, you get the cheesy or you get the it. Because they know you're more apt to buy if you only have a quick decision to make with less information. But if there's 40 different variations, you are less apt to buy. You're more apt to step back and say, oh, I don't know what I want and walk away down the aisle. This is true not just for buying things, but for taking any next step forward. So you want to reach the point you're going to, you need. It's. You have to find this in yourself. Where do I feel like I know enough and now where am I? Just adding stuff on that's going to confuse me. This is where you check in. There is a central point inside yourself where you check and you will learn and you will know, but you got to find it. So this leads me into the second tip or way to try and make a really good decision. Ah, I said try to make a really good decision leads into this. Oh, by the way, that's a weed blower you're hearing outside my office. Apparently the gardening crew decided to come on a different day. So ignore it if you hear the bzzz bzz in the background. That's the thing about live broadcasting. You never know what's going to happen. Number two, don't try to control the outcome. Right? Don't factor in every variable. I see this a lot when I'm helping a client and they want to say launch something. They want to launch their coaching business, for instance. They will look at every variable. Well, I've got to have a website like this and I've got to have business cards like that and I can't, you know, I've got to charge what this person is charging and not what that person is charging. And here's going to be my audience and there isn't. And, and we got to get all of these things done and na, na, na. And six months goes by and I say, when are you going to open the doors? Well, I've still got more to do. I've got more to get figured out and I'm not quite ready yet. And if that's a phrase you hear yourself saying a lot, I'm not quite ready yet. There's a very good chance that you are just trying to control the shit out of this thing. Excuse me. I hope no kids are listening. If you guys are, don't copy me. But really, you're trying to control the outcome. You're going deep into control land. And this always leads you into a state which I call head spin. And the thinking goes like this. If I can just control every little variable, if I can control every little piece, I have less chance of failing, less chance of it not working out. If I can control every little piece. So you get in this little rabbit race of trying to control every little piece and the thing you're going for never happens. And you get locked in this kind of round and round and roundabout in your mind. I'm not ready until. I'm not ready until. And there's all these other things. It's because you're not allowing the universe to help you. You're trying to control everything. You're trying to do your job and you're trying to do the universe's job. There is a point where you just give up, let go, release, and say, I cannot control the outcome. And adding more stuff in is not going to help me better control this outcome. I'm gonna let go. Okay, you guys got it? Did you just raise your hand? You're like, oh, that's me, that's me. I have been this way. If I just find every little potential for it to go wrong, if I just spend a little more time, if I just. Then everything will go right. Like, I'm trying to give myself a guarantee. And I'm forgetting that I'm in a partnership. And it would be like if I was trying to dress my husband, feed my husband, brush his hair, brush his teeth, you know, put on his cologne, instruct him on how to talk to me, what to say, what hand gestures to use, right? Because I want to make a perfect date. I'm over controlling this date, and it's taking me 5 million years to get us out the door. Gotta let go. So, number three. Number three. This is where you look at your decision from the standpoint of do I believe the universe is stingy or abundant? Is the universe stingy or abundant? I need to know because I'm factoring my future on this. I'm making a choice based on this deep fundamental belief inside myself. If I believe the universe is stingy, then I believe that my decision has a greater chance of failing or being bad or going wrong or not supporting me. If I believe that the universe is abundant, then I believe that I have a Greater chance of being supported, of things working out of everything coming to the right resolution. And generally that I'm going to be supported, Just supported. So if you're stuck in your decision, it may be this very thing that's causing you to just be so unsure. Check in with yourself. Check in and find out. My gosh. I think my gardener is purposely circling my office with his weed blower. Purposely. Should I make a decision to go to a break and say please stop? No, I think we'll just continue. That was something. Cat, gardener, dishes clinking in the background. Oh, so let's do number four. We'll do number four and then we'll take a little break. Number four also has to do with your deep fear. Right? That lack tendency. Sometimes we won't make a decision or we have a hard time doing it because we feel like there is no second chance. There is no do over. I will not get a shot to correct this. And you know what? In some cases, it's true. It's true. You're probably not going to get another shot at it. It's a done deal. It's over with. You wanted to have a baby. Well, you had the baby. Can't undo that. So what's the fear and the deep need for a do over? What's the deep need for? Ah, what if I don't like it? You know what, what if you don't like it? Do you think all the rest of your life is going to be informed by this thing that you don't like your second chances? Your do overs happen over and over and over and over and over and over again. Maybe you did decide to have a child and then decided, what was I thinking? I am not cut out for this parenting thing. You're like, but there's no do over. Oh yeah, there's a do over every single day. What kind of parent you gonna be? Do you need to heal your relationship with your own parent? What's going on inside of you that you feel that maybe being a parent is limiting or restricting or that you're just not good enough? What's happening? Those are your do overs. Every single second. You get to choose how you feel about your decision every single second. This is not a permanent thing. If you are choosing a permanent response, it's because you're choosing the same response over and over and over. You always get to decide how you feel about it, whatever the result is. Now that said, whenever I make a decision, I always say flow. Hey, I'm gonna do this thing. We're gonna do this. And you know what? If it doesn't work out, if it was the wrong step, if it was a misstep, if I'm going off track here, nudge me back on place. Give me plenty of opportunities to fix it, to make a right decision, to course correct. And this plays into do I think the universe is stingy or abundant? I happen to think it's abundant. So if I say I'm willing to get off track because I want to make a decision, but I know you'll support me and get me back on track, you'll give me that opportunity and I trust that I will see it and be able to live into that opportunity and take it. You see this mindset? Do you see how I'm hoping by this point, making a big choice is kind of feeling like an easier option for you, really, by the end of today's episode, I'm hoping that making a big choice becomes an easier thing to do than not making that big choice. Because you're going to realize how costly not making that big choice is in the long run. Okay, so I tell you what, we are halfway through our list. We're gonna go to a quick break now. And I forgot to mention, you guys can call in. Do you have a decision to make? Is there something I can help you through? Can you help me demonstrate this? You know, for anyone else who's listening? Because it's actually awesome to do that. You get to figure out where you get hung up in any one of these particular areas. And it's not about just one decision. It's really about all of your decisions. Every single one of your decision making processes or decision is affected by one or more of these aspects. So find it for one and you pretty much find it for all. So go ahead, call in. The number should be up on your screen. If not, it's 760-456-7277. And if you're listening on Demand and you wonder when can I do. When is the show actually live? It happens every Tuesday at noon Pacific time. Noon to 1 Pacific, which is what, 4 noon, 3, 3 to 4 Eastern. And I'm not sure what time in the UK and Australia I should look that up. So that's the time to call in and as I speak right now, it is the time. So we'll go to a quick break and when we get back, I will share more with you on making an amazing decision. While we're on break. Have you checked out MI school? In MI school, we travel together through a year through everything that you are. You get to discover what drives you, how you're made, and how powerful you actually are. We play with intuition and Flow Dreaming and dozens of other techniques as you go through one of the most potent, powerful and pleasurable personal development experiences you've ever seen. We continually co create your future. And I ask you to bring big goals to the the table. Things that you want to become inside yourself. And you'll reach these using the tools that you've probably never been exposed to before in your life. But you will be here in MI School. So if you're curious, go to flowdreaming.com and click on MI School, set up a call and we'll help you see exactly what you can do with your life. And if you choose to come join me in MI School, then I look forward to spending the next year with you as we work together to create miracles. Foreign. In case you missed it, the number to call to talk to me live is the US number 1764 567-277. Flow Dreaming airs live on Tuesdays, so check flowdreaming.com for my current live broadcast today. Time again. Reach me at 1-760-456-7277. Now let's get back to the show. Welcome back. And it's beautifully quiet and silent again. Let's see how long it stays. We are continuing in our quest to gain some comfort in making a decision. I mean, you know why you're not making the decision, right? It's a feeling. It's a. I'm scared. What if I blow it? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? That's the exact feeling we're trying to root out today. What if you had the opposite feeling to that? What if you were able to say, I'm gonna make a big decision and I can't wait. I feel so relieved. I feel so positive. I feel so excited. I know this is gonna work out. I can't wait to make this big decision. Like right there. It's like woo flipping things around, isn't it? Well, why don't we feel that way? Why not? You can. You just have to pull your heart, pull your head out of lack. It's lack, that's all. Lack, fear. Something will be taken from me. It will go badly. And how do you get out of that? Well, start with I can't wait to make this decision. This is going to be fantastic. I'm ready. I'm excited about it. I want to make this big decision. Doesn't that just feel better? Like right off the bat, doesn't it feel better? And that is number five. Reverse your feelings on the decision. Just reverse them. Reverse them right now. Move it, shift it. Change how you feel about your desire to even do it. You are not dreading doing this. You are excited, anticipating. You've got something to look forward to. Making this. Wow. Now you can breathe. Now you can breathe. With that said, let's go on to number six. Let the chips fall where they may. You know that old saying, just let the chips fall where they may. You may have to bleed a little. You may have to take it in the gut a little, right? Maybe the decision you're making will create some pain around it. You just know. You ever broken up with somebody and it's totally the right thing to do. You know it. But it's gonna create some pain and they're gonna be angry and then your friends are gonna divide up and you just, you know it. And so you're not doing anything about it. You're trying to maintain a very icky status quo. What if you felt instead, hey, I'm going to let the chips fall. I'm going to let that happen. It may happen. Notice I'm not manifesting this. I'm not promoting this, pushing this, causing this, stating I want it to happen. But I'm saying if it happens, it happens. And I accept that. And I'm good with that. And I'm not freaking out about that. I'm okay with it happening. I'm okay with the damage that might be done. I'm okay again. Can you feel in you the relief? Can you feel the relief that happens? Because you've been in this cycle of trying to avoid any. Anything bad happening, right? Trying to protect things and correct things and anticipate things and whatever you have to do to make sure nothing bad happens. And eventually you just realize, I cannot prevent this. No matter what I do. A certain part of this is out of my hands. I can't control what other people think. I can't control their reactions, their. Any of it. I can't. So you know what? I'm going to stop telling myself that I can. And if it hurts a little bit, if I am hurt a little in the process too, I'm okay with it. Boy, what a relief. You feel that? Getting closer now, Getting closer. Let's go on to the next one. Let you guys get some of those calls coming in. To get a different outcome, you need to make a different kind of decision than the one you normally make. So this applies to Big decisions, little decisions, all decisions. But it's kind of boiled down to this. What happens if you do the opposite of what you usually do? What? What do you mean? No, I have a formula. I always do it this way. This is how I make decisions. This is my process. This is, this is, this is. Uh huh. And is it working? Is it giving you the outcome you want? If you knew it's going to give you the outcome you want, you'd have already done it. But still, you see, you're unsure. There's a part of you that thinks it's probably not going to give me the outcome I want. What if you do the opposite of what you usually do? What would that look like in your scenario? Just think for a second in your mind something you need to make a choice on that you want to make a choice on. You're excited to make a choice on. You know, the choice you'd normally make. Right. What if you did the opposite? Oh, okay, that's different. See, the thing is, if you do the opposite, you actually don't know where that's going to lead. Cause you really haven't done that one much, if at all, if ever. What if you do? What if everything you've been waiting for and wanting for is behind that opposite kind of decision and you've never reached where you wanted to go because you kept making the same kind of decision over and over and over and over. Right. What if you tend to date somebody three times and you're like, I'm gonna marry this. Oh my God. And you're all in. And then it turns out into another one of those bummer relationships. What if you do the opposite? You're three dates in and you say, we haven't even kissed yet, we're still having coffee. My opposite decision is to take this as slow as I possibly can. Even though inside of me I'm freaking out. Like, what if it's too slow? What if they don't know that I like them? What if? What if? What if? Right. All the stuff that would normally have sent you on the other trajectory is flying up and screaming at you, but you're like, no, I'm going to make the opposite decision this time. I wonder where that will take you. It will take you into things you haven't seen or felt or experienced before. And again, what if all your gold is hiding there? How about another one? I believe this brings us to the end of our list. Actually, not quite. I have a bonus for you. Hang tight. Last one. Set a deadline or don't what kind of advice is that? Well, there's a pro and a con right to setting a deadline. When do you set one and when don't you? If you set a deadline, what you're saying to yourself is, I honor and love myself enough to not let myself fall into head spin into misery. Often big decisions bring us a kind of misery, especially if you're not able to get into that. I'm excited to make this big decision frame of mind. So if you don't set a deadline, what you're saying is I'm going to continue to torture myself for as long as I want and you can't make me do otherwise. Well, now you're saying, actually I'm not going to keep torturing myself. I'm going to give myself a deadline and then let the chips fall where they may because the universe is abundant. I cannot control every factor in this and I'm going to do this. Here we go. So when you set a deadline, you're actually being kind to yourself. The kindest thing you can do for yourself, the meanest thing you can do for yourself is let yourself sit in the torture of indecision. If that's you, can you, can you just start being a little nicer to yourself? It's time. All that self love we talk about, give some to yourself, set a deadline, get it over with, free yourself, get into the new space. Trust, trust. So when do you not set a deadline? Some of us think we have to make a decision and we don't. I know that's kind of weird, but I'm trying to think of a good example of this. It's where we think we have to make a choice. We think we're supposed to, we have to, we need to. Really, we actually don't you think you have to make the choice about, should I move, should I move? Do I need to move? I should move, I need to move, Do I? Around and around you go. Really? You don't need to make that decision. You might actually be very happy where you're at. What's pressuring you to make a decision that you really don't need to make? And if you don't really need to make that decision, you don't need to set a deadline on that decision and you don't need to keep feeling guilty for not making the decision. You have permission to not make that decision. You ever had someone pressure you to make a choice about something and you start to feel guilty and bad and like, I can't do it and I'm Trying and I can't. And you know, ah, it's that spiral. What if instead you pull back and say, hey, actually, I don't have to make this decision. I don't want to make this decision. This isn't something I want to decide about. I'm fine. If anything, my decision is to not make a decision. There, Done. So the flip side is sometimes you give yourself permission to not have to not have to make that choice. And you'll know the situation when it pops up for your life, because you'll feel pressured. You'll feel like I have to. You'll feel guilty, feel all kinds of things. And then you might realize, oh, I don't even want to make this decision. I don't even want to make that decision. And so I won't. And I'm going to tell you, no, no, I'm not going to make that choice. All right, Last Bonus. Bonus 1. I mentioned it a little bit. Been giving you little hints throughout. Has to do with trust. Trust, easy to say, hard to feel. We all know we need more of it. Trust. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust the universe? Do you trust life? Do you trust other people? Because if you don't, you're gonna have a hard time making a decision. How do you get into that state of trust? Well, you know, I couldn't go a whole show without saying my magic formula is I drop into flow. I drop into flow and I begin to preact the outcome of my decision. I go straight to my emotional endpoint and I say, in flow, I trust you. This is how I need to feel. This is the ultimate goal I'm going for. Help me get there. And it's so funny, because decisions are just disguised ways of helping us reach emotional places. No matter what the decision is, they come in all shapes and forms. Buying and selling and moving and starting and stopping and working and not working and loving and not loving and decisions about everything. Really, they're all just trying to get us to very similar emotional goals. And maybe your emotional goal is, I want to feel content. I want to feel at peace. I want to feel secure. I want to feel trusting. I want to feel that I will be safe. Right? Could be any or all of those feelings. So you have to go into flow. Do your flow dreaming. Think about that decision and let flow know, hey, this is the outcome. I'm not flowing. You know that this or that particular thing happens. I am flowing that I feel this way. I feel this way in this area where I am trying to make this choice. I Feel this way. I feel. And I'll give you the example of I feel incredibly content here. I feel okay. I feel undamaged. I feel safe. I feel safe for many of us. For me, that's one of my core feelings. The need to feel safe came from my childhood. So often that's what I'm really batting for. Even if it looks like something else, I need to feel safe. Allow me to make the decisions that will make me have that safety. I want to feel peace. I want to feel peace. I don't want stress, I want peace. Let's feel that. Let's be that in flow. Let's preact those feelings in this area. And then the decision will become obvious, it will become easier, it will become something that needs to be done, must be done, you want to do. So there you have it. That's the process. Those are the things I think about whenever I'm stuck and I'm not sure what to do next. That's what I think about. And one last little bit of I hope wisdom. Big decisions are built on a series of many smaller choices. If you've made a lot of good smaller choices, you can make a good big decision at the end. If you've made a lot of poor smaller choices, you may have to make a big, not so happy decision at the end. Your big decisions are always built on small and medium and all the little degrees underneath. So in the long run, if you're looking to only have great, wonderful feeling decisions pop up for you in your life, work on the small day to day choices. If you find yourself stepping out of your power, you should say something, but you don't. You bite your tongue. You think it'll be easier, but then you're holding this powerlessness about you. Not a good choice. Say something. Stand up. If you are making a small decision that you don't really want to do this thing, but you feel you had to. You couldn't say no to your friend, even though you really just needed time alone. But you had to say, that's not a good decision because it's not honoring you. And now you're angry at yourself and at your friend. That's not a good choice. Good choice is, you know what? I cannot do it. I am tired today and I need some time alone. These decisions feel like they're hard, like they're scary. We don't like them. That's how we often make those bad decisions. But little tiny good decisions, I honor myself, take care of myself. I choose myself. I stand up for myself. I speak my truth. These always build up to great big decisions in the end. Day to day. Little ones, little little ones. So if you want to practice this more, I'm going to give a little shout out to the shop@flowdreaming.com there's also an app for this, by the way, that you can download the Flow Dreaming app. There's a couple of them. One of them has this podcast. The other one takes you to a big old shop with like 150 different flow dreams. No kidding. And there are several that I recommend and you get them on your app and then you just listen to them on your mobile device or you can get them on your computer and download them directly and put them wherever you want. But a really good one is Reclaim my power and speak my truth. Really good playlist for making decisions. Really good. There's another one I recommend called Restored Aligned and In control Meditation playlist. Now don't be led astray by in control. I mean you are in control of yourself, not the rest of the life of the world. But between those two playlists. And by the way, the meditation ones are ones you can, you know, fall asleep to. So those are pretty nice. Between those two, you are going to really strengthen your decision making ability. And wouldn't it be so fine if one day you just woke up and you're like, boom, I'm ready. Let's make the choice. Done. I am so happy. Woo. I am freed. I am freed. Freed from that decision and that guilt and that fear and that worry and everything else that was preventing me from doing it. I am free, free, free, free, free. I'm ready. Right? That's the point of these flow dreams. So you can wake up one day and feel exactly like that. All right, so I think it's time to go to some calls. Who do we have? Melanie in Ohio. Are you still there? Melanie?

I am here. Summer.

Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Have we ever talked before?

We have talked. It's been quite a while. A couple years for sure.

Oh, good. Well, it's time for a redo.

I know. Well, you know, I called, I saw you had posted on Facebook and all of a sudden I am feverishly writing notes as you talk. I feel like everything you just was exactly for me. Why am I shocked? Why am I shocked?

Yes. By the way, I often check Google and other places to see if anybody else has given the same set of advice and perspective and I couldn't find any this time that I felt was good. I mean, all the decision making stuff that they put up there on websites is just so lame, I swear. So I'm very glad that you got something from it.

Oh my gosh. But you know, everybody wants you to set this specific goal or they want you to focus in and laser in and you know, the consequences.

This and that.

Yeah, right, Exactly. And that's so sticky and icky to me. That doesn't feel right. And there was something you said earlier that I'm not a control freak, but I do try to protect and anticipate and that while that works out so beautifully a lot of times, it also puts me in a trap of enabling and it puts me in a trap of not always enjoying the moment. And because I'm always anticipating and trying to. I want my kids to land on a pillow so they don't get hurt. And I want their dad who doesn't live with us anymore. I keep trying to anticipate and protect the kids from his decisions. But you know what? I think they need to. I need to allow it. I need to allow it to happen because I am keeping myself in the same mode that I did when I was his wife and I'm not his wife anymore and I am free to be me now and I haven't allowed myself that decision.

Yeah. So even though you're divorced, you're still playing the same role.

Yes. In the fact of trying to protect the kids from his choices. They're not horrible. He is not abusing them. It's nothing. It's just he's a bad decision maker and he can't follow through on things. And so I'm the happy. Oh, come on, make the decision. Let's make this work. So they have a fun time with dad and I'm putting myself in this role where I'm helping him, but I'm not helping me and I'm in a good place but I'm not making myself the priority and I'm not creating the life that's me.

Yeah. So tell me a decision that you need to make right now. Tell me a decision right now. What's something you're choosing to do with excitement and happiness? Big decision. Do you have any? I.

Well, you know, I feel like I'm in your little decisions, but I feel like it's going to make a big decision. I have been, I don't know, injured or something. My back, my foot for the longest time. But you know, the more I read, I'm wondering if it's just all of my non decision making because Part of it's my foot, you know, not going forward, that I'm holding on to this in my body and not letting go.

You know, you bring up a really good point. I haven't spoken about this, but your body is totally willing to go along with you. If it doesn't think that you want to make that decision, it's going to help you not make that decision. It's going to give you the cold, it's going to give you the backache, it's going to make you hobble around and not whatever it is, your body is willing, more than willing to help you. It's just misguided in figuring out what you want.

Exactly. And you know what? Mine has been my foot. I have not been able to walk, metaphorically, I've not been able to move forward. Listen to this. Yeah, yeah, it's been my foot. But once I had some chiropractor work on me, I started to go forward. But I feel like I need to scream. I'm not in pain. I'm not stop this. Like, I just feel like I need to say stop, stop, stop, stop. I need to move forward. My foot needs to be fine. I am. I am enthusiastic and excited about things. Every choice that gets to be mine. And I'm sitting in non decision because it's working.

I know. That's why we stay. That's why we stay because it's working well enough and it's known and maybe it's not hurting us, but it's not helping us either. Or maybe it is even hurting us a little bit. But it's better than what the scary thing might happen is, which means that we go into lack mindset because that's what we're really anticipating, that the scary thing will happen. Yes.

I found it this year in my job. I teach and you know, we've had financial issues within the district. I'm like, am I going to lose my job? I working in the tiny.

Are you one of the many states with student the teachers who are striking?

Well, no, thank goodness. No, we are not in Ohio, but. Oh my goodness. But it's just financial constraints within the district and I'm. Even though I've been at the district 20 years, I'm lowest on the totem pole and I've been working out of what if I lose my job? Don't do anything wrong. Make sure you do this right. And it's. It's a horrible, horrible place to feel and I'm doing it to myself. I'm doing it to myself instead of saying, boldly, do my job. Like, I love teaching, but I'm working out of fear, not out of. Not out of the enthusiasm that I truly have for teaching. And, you know, whether or not to start a coaching practice. Like, I can't make those decisions because I'm not even enjoying where I am. And it's only because of my own mindset. Gosh, this phone call was so perfect.

I'm letting you talk yourself through the decision here. I'm just kicking back because you're reaching it on your own. You're unraveling it for everybody to see right now.

You put me in the flow, though, just with what you were saying. And for years, I listened to religiously your inner guides, your flow dream about your inner guides. And I was like, that was a miracle for me. And I can't tell you the last time I did it. And I think that's what I need is to reconnect with what's really guiding me.

Yeah.

Because. Oh, my gosh.

All right, Melannie, well, close your eyes. Let's reconnect you right now. Let's just get into that. You know what you want. You know, you may not know the exact way to reach it, the exact decision to make, but you just feel. You're knowing. It's a feeling state you're going for. What is that? Are you at peace? Do you feel strong? Do you feel safe? What's the feeling you're going to reach once this decision or these decisions are made? Do you trust that you can reach those feelings? Do you trust that you can reach those feelings? Feel the trust. You're trusting yourself. You're trusting flow. You're trusting life, other people you're gonna trust. You're gonna trust. You're going to be safe. You will recover. You will be fine. You will be better than fine. Feel that. All right, now go ahead and come back with me. Open your eyes. That's just like a little mindset shift, right? Little mindset shift.

Oh, the energy was just like fingers just flowing up, flowing up.

Awesome. Okay, my dear, well, thanks so much for calling in and sharing. And call back again sometime soon, okay?

Absolutely. Thank you, Summer. Have a wonderful day. Thank you so much.

Oh, you're so welcome. All right, take care now. Bye now.

Bye. Bye.

And as I look, gosh, we're almost at the end of our show. I am not going to take another caller because I would like to do some flow dreaming with you and get you into that same powerful inner state, that same powerful position inside. So if you haven't done flow dreaming before. It's an emotional energetic process. It's not meditation. You are feeling something, feeling it deeply. You are being this feeling and you're in flow state, which means kind of recognizing that you're in this hyper creative, non physical state of being that you move into. And if you're curious how to do it, yes, I do teach it for free. Actually, you can go to my website and get a free kit there right now that will teach you how to do the process. But I don't have time to explain it really in detail, so just come along for the ride, even if you don't know what you're doing. Okay, eyes closed, eyes closed. Nice deep breath. Relaxing. Shoulders dropping. Relaxing, relaxing in the flow. And here you are, you're sitting with your knees bent, your arms around them, your feet in the sand, looking down out at this beautiful ocean of light, the energy washing on the shore. This ocean is your future. This ocean. Are all the possibilities still ahead of you, all the things that are still available for you. Millions, billions, trillions, quadrillions, all of these things still ahead for you. And you're noticing there's a decision that you've been hung up on, not sure about. And you feel like it's separating me from the ocean, separating me from the ocean. I don't want to be separated. I want to be in the ocean. I want to be through the decision out the other side of this decision. And so you feel this decision wavering in front of you. It's like the air ripples. And you know if you walk through this decision, you will dive right into the waters, into your flow, into your next step, into the next place, into all the support that's out there for you. And that's exactly what you do. You're up and you're walking through the decision. The decision has been made. You've chosen. You are done. It's off your plate. It is over. You are through it. You are through it. Feel that? Do you feel that lightness? Do you feel that clarity? Do you feel that whoosh? Do you feel all the energy freed up inside you now to be used for other things? And you have dove into the water, you dove in and now you're in flow. You're in this light spring of energy and it's got so much for you, so much for you. Now that you finally come and meditate, now that you finally come through the decision out the other side, you're out the other side. Notice how you feel. Relief, confident, secure, prepared, ready, how Are you feeling in your decision? Yes. Feel that notice, too. A whole bunch of new ideas and choices and possibilities were right on its heels. Waiting, waiting to come in. Like birds alighting on a telephone wire, just tons of them. Flow flying in. They were waiting, couldn't come until you reached them. Look at all of this. Look at all of these choices. How wonderful. How wonderful. Go ahead and hold that feeling now. That's you anytime you want it, right there for your own taking. Now go ahead and come back. Coming back from flow. Opening your eyes. There you go. So wasn't that a delicious and delightful little experience? We jumped into flow pretty quickly. You know, if you need to take longer to really let go and get into that state of being, you can take as long as you want. You can take 5 minutes, 10 minutes. You know, in the recorded flow dreams that I've created, I give you mostly at least five minutes or more of just kind of sinking and settling in to this altered state. But here on the podcast, I like to just give you different glimpses of how you can use flow. Right? How do you work it into your daily life, into the way that you approach things, do things? And really that's, you know, 500 and what, 64 episodes later, that's a lot of different ways of using flow. So that's going to be a wrap for us today. I love you guys. I hope you'll join me on my Facebook page. Say hi to me there. I have got a group called I love Flow Dreaming. Also check out the shop and even check out me school. It is in rolling, just opened it. We'll talk more on that later. Okay, take care, everybody. Love y'. All. Hey everyone, thanks for listening today. One request before you go, Please rate this podcast either in itunes or tunein.com or wherever you listen to it. It'll only take you a minute to do, but your rating there is the number one way that other people people discover this show. And the more ratings, the more people who will find and get turned on to Flow Dreaming. While you're there, you might also want to download my free Flow Dreaming podcast app. With this app, you can listen to the show anywhere you want on your mobile device, as well as search through listings of all of my episodes and bookmark your favorites. And if you want to listen to Flow Dreams, actual Flow Dreams on your phone, there's even another app, it's my player app, and it will let you browse and sample Flow Dreams from the shop. There is even an oracle inside of that app to help you see and discover what you need to know most or what Flow Dream would be best for you in your life right now. You can find these apps on itunes or in Google or your Amazon App Store. And again, thank you so so so much for giving back. Love you. Bye. It.