#588: How to Be Someone’s Sounding Board

Flow Dreaming.

It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope.

And joy and relief.

And that is what being aware of your flow does.

It gives you a feeling of power.

Again in your lives.

Breathe.

I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another.

Episode of Flow Dreaming. Hi, everyone. Welcome, my friends. This is Summer, here with you for another episode of Flow Dreaming, specifically episode number 588, the necessity of sounding boards, or how to be a great sounding board, or why you need a sounding board in your life, as well as kind of a whole bunch of other little tidbits I wanted to share with you today. I'll tell you, I came up with this idea because I was on a call with one of my oldest clients, worked with him maybe 10 years or more now, and we had a really interesting discussion about the necessity of having someone kind of stand for you and be a lifeline for you and be a sounding board for you. And it was such a good conversation that I wanted to recap it for you today because I think it's relevant to so many of us, including me. To everybody, as a matter of fact. But before we jump in, I've been doing this lately. I want to highlight some of the very cool, very sweet, very generous reviews that some of you have been leaving in itunes. And as you know, leaving a review in itunes, subscribing in itunes. Single biggest thing you can do to help other people discover this podcast. Because itunes doesn't pay attention to me. It pays attention to you and what you do. So this latest one of got a chuckle. I thought about editing it down, but then I thought, oh, what the hell, let's just go for.

Comes from h he.

I don't think I'm saying that right. It's like a little, you know, screen name. Anyway, h he says I don't have to live the way I used to anymore. My girlfriend told me about Summer's Flow Dreaming podcast a while back, and when I first started listening to them, I admit it was a little cheesy at times. Thanks, H. Hey, I'm used to it. I've thick skin. But once I got past that, it started planting seeds in me and made me question my ideologies about how I'm able to live life. Her podcasts seem to always reflect exactly what I need to hear, and there's so much diversity of knowledge coming from them. Spirituality, science, common sense, et cetera. Then my girlfriend Joined herme school and she started blooming and she became this very empowered and different woman. So now I'm in MI school. It's expensive, but it keeps you accountable. If you do the work and apply the lessons and are genuine in showing up to it, then the money is irrelevant because you feel yourself shifting and elevating. Well, thank you, Haechib. That is an honest review. I love those kinds best. Yes, you're in ME school. I have an idea, an inkling of who you might be. It doesn't have to be expensive in MI school. It all just depends on your perspective. So don't let that scare you off. Just come have a call with me if you like. The things I talk about in this program. 588 hours of this program, episodes that I've recorded to date. All of this comes together in this beautiful explosion of work known as MI school, where I teach you hands on. We work together in groups. I coach you and teach you personally in our classes together for a whole year. It really is extraordinary. Anyway, thanks, Hebe Hib. And if you feel empowered to leave me a review, please do, Please share your experience, share your thoughts, and I will spread your understanding of this work out into the world as well. So let's jump into being a sounding board. What's a sounding board? Who's a sounding board? Well, it all started like I said. I'm going to keep him anonymous because I didn't ask his permission. I'm just gonna pretend, you know, I'm gonna shoosh it up. So, you know, you can't quite tell who I'm talking about. You wouldn't, you wouldn't anyway. And our conversation started like this. He says, you know, Summer, I think it's time for me to go to the next level. And I said, you're right. You know, when we worked together about 10 years ago, you really bloomed, you blossomed. This man went on to build a huge, gorgeous business company, got really strong foundationally, money wise, security. Became very empowered and materially extremely successful. So he's come back and he said, okay, now it's time for the other side of things. This happens to me, you know, my clients come back after 10 years and like round two, I just have to keep living long enough to keep everybody. But they come back every 10 years. So he says, now I realize something else is waking up in me. My spiritual self, my intuitive self, this deeper being, this deeper person that I am. It's not all just, you know, the work that I do. And I said, yeah, I know, so what are you going to do about it? He said, well, there's so much out there. There is so much. I'm completely overwhelmed. You know, I have friends doing this and that, and some people are, you know, talking to angels and other people are going and doing intuitive development. And there's astrology and there's numerology and there's the kabbalah and then there's, you know, crystals and then there's angels, and then there's, you know, neuro programming. And I just. On. And. And I said, okay, relax. But how do I know which is the best? I mean, do I just kind of keep stumbling through and just trying things and, you know, picking them up like toys and getting bored and putting them down? Is that how you grow as a spiritual being? And then, more importantly, is there going to be a time when it all just happens, when I just get it, When I just flip over to the other side, when I become enlightened or deeper, when everything is finally healed and fixed? As you can imagine, the conversation went longer than I thought it was going to go. Here's what I said. I said, first, there's no one single teacher who's going to open up all of the intuitive arts, the sacred arts, the spiritual arts. And that's how I see them, right? They're arts. They're the forms of creativity, of understanding. It would be like one teacher teaching you how to be a master of charcoals and chalks and watercolors and oils and sculpture and dance and acting and singing. So that's just not going to happen. But when you feel the calling, you feel the urge, you know, there's something in you. You start picking up different forms that you feel attached to. And it's exactly what you should be doing. You should be dabbling, you should be exploring. Now, some of these are going to come close to your heart, and some of them you're going to say, meh, not so much. However, if you have a person, a mentor, a coach, someone that you love, you care for, someone wise who's been through all of these art forms, a very successful artist in their entire career, satisfied, happy. They've tried and tested everything that you're just sticking your fingers into. They can be that person who gives you perspective that you reflect from. They can say to you, this is a good teacher for you. That one is not good. This person is devoted and dedicated in elevating their craft. That person is not. This is a group that you want to stay away from. This is a group you want to go deeper into. And what's more, I can see you growing and developing in this form. I don't see you growing and developing in that form. You understand? It's kind of like the meta teacher. It's the teacher behind the teachers. It's the person who's seen it, done it, been there, felt it. That's the person that you're looking for. If you want someone on your entire journey, maybe it's your minister, maybe it's your rabbi, maybe it's your coach, maybe it's me. I do that for people. So I said we would work together, letting you explore anything you want to explore. But I would be standing behind you and I'd say, don't waste time here, or go deeper into that or, hey, did you see what this brought up inside you? And that's where it gets really fascinating and interesting because it leads to the next question. When do I have the big revelation? When do I say, ah, I get it. It all comes together. Clinky dink. You know, it's like, it's like when you started making all that money in your company, right? It all just kind of came together and you're like, I've made it right? This is a reference for success that he would understand. But we also know that even when you have a successful company, it's also going to go through changes. It's going to evolve. What works one year isn't going to work the next. After you reach a certain level of success, you might hang out there for a long time, or you might even decline before you reach into the higher, greater, bigger, more expanded levels of success. Because all things grow. Same is true with your own path, your own self development, personal growth journey. If you reach that point where you say, I know everything I've learned everything, I've been completely healed, I'm perfect. What you're actually saying to me is I've decided to stop, freeze up in place, calcify and not do anything or become anything else. Like, what's the point of living here? In other words, there is no time when you reach the pinnacle. Except maybe that's what death is. I'm not exactly sure, right? That's the big transition. But I do know that all through life you grow and you deepen and you strengthen. You grow, you deepen, you strengthen, you become more wise, you become more insightful, you become more intimate, more connected. You learn to get over yourself. You learn to get past fear, to embrace your life. Right? All of these things should be challenging you. You should be Biting into them eagerly, continuously. That's where the depth is, right? That's where the satisfaction is. Everybody says, where's my life purpose? I say, it's right here. Bite in. That's where the depth is. That's where the satisfaction is. It's where the knowledge is, right? Bite that peach. Taste those juices. That's life calling you. So here you are on your spiritual path. And he says to me, well, what about, what about those big things? You know, someone said I should do ayahuasca, you know, someone else said that I should do this, you know, the shamanic healing journey someone else said that I should do. And I said, great, you know, fine, try what calls to you, but be cautious. What I've discovered as a practicing intuitive, having grown up in these arts, multi generational, you know, the oldest daughter, I'm the oldest daughter of the oldest daughter of the oldest daughter. Four generations, each one of us moved into these arts, moved into this realm, practicing one form or another, right? My grandmother read your tea leaves and your palm. She practiced touch for health. She practiced acupressure. She did a lot of physical healing, automatic writing, things that were more popular in that day and age. My mother dabbled in astrology. She's a fantastic medium, an empath and intuitive, right? We all have our gifts. Me, I work with flow. I co create, I make things happen, I see things, I read things at distances, I look and read into people's minds. We all practice the gifts that we personally feel most called for. But the fact is, when you're looking for those exciting turning points, those moments, right? It wasn't one particular ceremony, one particular breathtaking weekend that crafted me or cultivated me that, that became, that helped me become what I was. It was a punctuation point in my life. I said, that's the thing with most of these retreats and journeys. Even if they're, you know, shamanic or you know, psychedelic, the ones that really kind of. There's a, you know, there's been a resurgence lately of the. These kind of popular, what do you call them? The. There's all these names for the, you know, they came out of like EST from the 70s landmark, right? There's been a resurgence of these where they basically take you and they break you open, they emotionally crack you into little pieces and then they put you back together in a new and different way. And this all happens over the course of a few days or a week, right? There's all kinds of these that are supposed to completely revamp you. But what I'VE noticed is it's like an athlete. You can have someone who takes a whole bunch of steroids, gets really pumped up and says, I'm so strong, I'm so fit. Or you can have someone who says, I started with the five pound weights, I worked up to 10, I work out every day, I take care of myself, I've become an athlete. So there's a short term shortcut and then there is a long term real growth. There's the kind that melts away after a few months and then there's the kind that stays and grows and deepens in you. And you have to pick. Which kind am I going to be? Now, I've done a ton of these weekend things. I've done the journeys I've done, the experimentation, I've looked in, I've worked with shamans and medicine men and healers and teachers and I've said, change me, right? Open me up, you know, get that Kundalini flowing for me. I want to transcend tonight. And you know what happens? Few weeks, few months later, I'm back to my baseline again. Now your baseline is who you really are. Every day. Your baseline grows, develops as you grow and develop because of your daily choices, your daily understandings, how you approach decisions, if you have fear in you, how you approach relationships and intimacy, your boundaries, your inner power, your strength, how you're able to call and reach out into greater energies, the wherewithal, the thoughtfulness, the clarity, the empowerment, the goodness in your heart, the joy that you're able to light up inside you. Those are all the things that take daily effort and daily crafting. And so that, long story short, is what I said to my friend. I said, I can teach you how to become that person over the course of your life. I can be the sounding board that you help, that helps you really measure all of these experiences against. So you're not in the dark, just running through one after another saying, what does it mean? Will this last? Is this good for me? Is this working? I'll say, go, experience them and then I'll say, that one yes, that one no. How did you feel about this one? What did it evoke in you? Because that's the biggest question, right? That's the million dollar question. What did this evoke in you? Whether it was a gentle drumming circle that you went to last Saturday night or whether it was some big soul enriching retreat. What did it bring out in you? What's the lasting, the lasting depth, the lasting change? Who are you becoming because of it? Can we add this into the category of things that stay, things that stick, things mold you into this being that you're craving and you're desiring. And that's the number one key. The number one key. And for you to find out what that is. Well, we're gonna go to a quick break, so hang tight to your seats, and when we get back, I'll tell.

You exactly what that is. We're on break, and while I give myself a second to regroup, I'd like to you to consider what having private mentoring with me would be like.

You see, I accept a small number.

Of people each year for private coaching. The question is, what do you want to make? Who do you want to become? We can program and shape any area of yourself or your life. Imagine right now what you would be doing if you had no fear. Imagine how your life would look if there were no patterns and blood locks.

Repeatedly tripping you up.

Imagine if you were fully healed in your heart, body and mind. Imagine if you also had a map to your success and you could follow.

It with ease and flow.

Well, I look into you and into your life and I feel where you're going and know where the road is.

Open and where it's blocked.

I help you make the very best decisions based on what's coming up for you. I'll also show you exactly what I do day to day to succeed in my personal and business life. And we can create a copycat plan for you. So if you're game, you can fill out an application on my website for private coaching. Just go to flowdreaming.com coaching and then let's talk. I mean, the time to go for it is now. So let's just get this started now. Let's get back to the show.

All right. Welcome back. So the number one key. What is it? I'll tell you. You have to really be craving and desiring being this kind of person, being this. This being. And frankly, most people don't have that depth of craving. They top out at, I want a good family and loving children and a good safe house and good health for as long as it lasts. And that is perfectly fine. That is a choice. A one prime cut human existence. Certain people, though, say, I want more. I want meaning. I want purpose. And there's this weird urge to keep doing good in my world. And I'm not doing it to get points for heaven. I'm doing it because it's in me. And I want to know, what can I become? Sometimes, you know, I'll even Say I'll share it over the, over the years, for me, it's like a question of if, if, if one of us, if we had the opportunity to become like an angel, right? For me, an angel has, has gotten past all of its stuff. Maybe it never had its stuff in the first place, but I kind of think it had to get past its stuff because it's only by getting past stuff do you understand what that stuff really is. Otherwise you don't even have knowledge of it. How could you help humanity? How could you help others if you didn't know the pain and the rawness and the urgency and the fear and the despair and all of those things, the littleness, the greed, the anger, the hurt. How could you help others through that if you hadn't known it yourself? And how do you get through all of those things and yet be undamaged, yet have them make you lighter and freer, more loving, more intimate, and importantly more fearless with every encounter? That is someone that is something that has burned away all of those emotions, all of those things that would cause it to make a lesser choice instead of a higher choice. How do you reach that point where the higher choice is a knee jerk reaction? It becomes instinctual because all of that lesser stuff has been completely eradicated, really, truly burned away inside you. So if that's what you're going for, it's a pretty tall order, right? If that's what you're going for, if this rings a bell, like, yeah, that would make human existence kind of have a point to it, then welcome to my club, welcome to my world. Welcome to personal growth. Welcome to this, this continual lifelong fascination, the biggest, greatest hobby, this urge. So bringing it back around again. This is what I said to my friend, to my past student, my potential future student, dabble, enjoy, pursue, discover the little pieces that you like. Maybe it turns out you have a deep passion for feng shui and, you know, creativity in terms of doodling and coloring books and journaling. Maybe those end up being your bag, your thing. You can talk to me and I'll keep asking, what did those things bring up in you? How are they progressing? You, how are they growing you? You? What are you able to see, sense and touch that's deeper and richer in yourself and in life because of these things. And if these things happen to be intuitive things that you're into, I'll say, great, I'll walk you through them, help you avoid the pitfalls. You're going to hit some pitfalls because if you don't, you won't have gone through them. It's necessary to have gone through some things for you to have the breadth of perspective you're looking for. So you're going to take yourself into those things that aren't going to work out, that won't feel good. But that's what I'm here for, to say, oh, yes, now, what did that bring up in you? You see, all the things that you explore should have two purposes. One, to grow your skill set, to grow your abilities, to grow your empathic skills, to grow your intuitive development skills, whatever it may be, your personal growth skill set. But the other purpose is to grow you. And if you're just doing things without the growing you part, they will never last. They won't sustain inside of you. They'll fall away. They'll just be one more thing you did over the years and wasted money on. But as you grow with them, you become a bigger bowl. You've heard this, right? You could you have greater capacity. It used to be a real big buzz phrase in coaching a few years ago, you'll have greater capacity. But it's true, you'll grow a bigger bowl, you'll catch more, you'll hold more. And that is the point of growth. That is the necessity of having a sounding board. The meta mentor, right? Sometimes people refer to them as spiritual teachers, right? The person that you can always go to, who directs you constantly. And when you stall out, they say, why are you stalling out? Are you pulling back because you're entering a period of reflection and healing? If so, let's go deeper into that. Or are you pulling back because you got distracted and you lost your way and things in life just sucked you in and pulled you in? How are you dealing with those? Did they overwhelm you? Are you emotionally at capacity right now? Would you like to grow your capacity there? Right? No matter what you're encountering, no matter what phase you're in, whether you're focused on your growth or not focused on your growth, your mentor, your teacher is there to continuously say, now what can you get out of that? You guys getting it? It's not like you have to stay completely, 100% single, focused, single pointed all the time. There is great growth, there is great understanding to be had precisely during those periods when you wander, when you become listless, when you become overwhelmed with work and family and stress. In fact, those are often the more important times that you have a stake in the ground that you can hold onto, right? It's like a little plant growing. You know, I bought A Christmas tree. Last night, that little tree, I couldn't believe it. Actually, it's a big tree, but it had a little stake still tied around its base. And I pulled it out and I showed it to my daughter. I said, look, the little baby tree stake is still tied on. This tree kind of tripped us out. But the tree wouldn't have grown as tall without it. So choose your path, choose your interests, choose your sounding board. Who or what will that be? And let that sounding board be with you for months, years, decades. Because that's when they become really, really effective, when they have that long term perspective of you. And it should always be an impartial perspective. Right? This is why maybe mom or dad isn't the best person for this. Because they have emotional investments in you, who they want you to be, how they want you to turn out, because they made you. You need an impartial observer who doesn't have a whole bunch of their own needs tied up inside of you. That's important. Impartial, yet loving, committed and dedicated. And the last point that I wanted to bring up that we've, or rather that I'm going to recap for you here is don't expect this to happen overnight. The overnight things are fun in are. They're fun and they're thrill rides, right? They're the, they're the roller coasters at the amusement park. But you don't spend the entire time at the amusement park on the same roller coasters. You walk around, eat some, you know, cotton candy, you do some other things because it's the day to day stuff that builds you and actually grows you. That's where the real development, the healthy development, the strength in you comes in. So in keeping with the new style of the show that I just launched a few episodes back, we will not be doing a flow dream together today. If you want a flow dream, reach back in my archives. There's lots of them. Otherwise, go to the shop@flowdreaming.com or better yet, open up the app. Go to the app store on your phone, tap in Flow Dreaming. There's two apps there. One of them is for this podcast. It just gives you a whole collection of all my shows. And the other one is for my shop. And those are gorgeous, wonderful, beautiful recordings that will put you in the right head space. So what we've done this whole time together today is I've been leading you into a mindset. Yeah, I've been teaching and talking. I've also been leading you into a mindset, a way of looking at the world, A lens that I look through how I see things. And if it's been useful to you, you'll see things that way, too. Then the next step is to do your practice. Get into flow. Feel the mindset. Become the mindset. Reach for the mentor. Ask for the mentor. Confirm. Affirm your commitment to this kind of growth. Communicate with all the greater energies. Right? That's what going into Flow does. That's what Flow Dreaming does. It takes everything that you just learned that just plopped in your head, and it gets it deep in your energy and your emotional self, and it confirms it. It adds it to the greater you. You've got to feel it now, not just know it. So go feel it. Go become it. Do it on your own. If you can't figure out how to do it, then like I said, go to my Flow Dreaming shop and let me teach you and tutor you. And certainly if you want me to help you, I'm willing to do that, too. Go to me school. It's@flowdreaming.com and come start. Become one of my students and we'll go on this journey together. Okay, folks, that's it for today. I love you all. I wish you all the best on your journey. I know that simply because you've been listening to the show. In fact, if you reach the end, I was probably just preaching to the choir the whole time, right? You guys already feel this way about everything. Your life, your future, who you are, and especially that purpose that's beating in your heart. So pass the knowledge on to someone else. Talk to them, teach them, help them, grow them. And I'll see you all next time next week for another episode of Flow Dreaming.

That's a wrap for today, but if you want to keep things going, then download my free Flow Dreaming app. That's right, there's two of them. The first app allows you to listen to this podcast anywhere you want on your mobile device, as well as search and favorite episodes. The other app hooks you up with my manifesting Store, which includes an oracle to help you see what direction you most are in need of right now and advice. You can also sample all kinds of flow drinks and put together a library of your own. So to find these apps, just search Flow Dreaming in itunes or on your Google App Store.