#610: Unconditional

We've all heard of unconditional love, right? Isn't that the golden standard that we all aspire to? Unconditional love for our family, for our friends, for even for our enemies. But when we look at our lives, often everything that we do and think can lead to a set of rules or conditions. I will love you when I only love you if. Now, the same thing goes for trust. I only trust if, I'll only trust when. So it's this really curious if when combination, which is actually a literary device. If, when, if, then. But we use it, this curious combination to define the rule books for what we are and aren't allowed to feel in our lives and consequently, what we are and are not allowed to create in our flow. So we're gonna look today at this concept of unconditional, and this is your get out of jail free card day. Lucky you. But you're gonna spend some time feeling unconditional and reveling in that and perhaps even discovering where most of your rules and restrictions are that are preventing you from really embracing love and trust and passion and your future and all those other yummies. Join me now for episode 610, unconditional flow dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief, and that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Let's start with a little examination here of what unconditional really means and why. Why do we even aspire to it? I mean, aren't conditions good? Isn't it a form of boundaries to have conditions? You know, hey, you can't talk to me unless you're nice. You can't blame me until you've taken a look at yourself first. You can't ask me to do something for you when you never do something or anything for me. Right? These are boundaries. These are basic rules of exchange in humanity. It's the golden rule itself, Right? Do unto others as would have them do unto you. So where did this crazy thought about being unconditional pop into our lives and in our minds? Well, there's this feeling in our hearts that somehow we just know to aspire to. And being a parent, I think, makes this really clear to me. You know, I've got two kids, and they're both teenagers now. Wow. I think when I started this podcast. They were what one wasn't even born. So how interesting. But as a parent, I think about unconditional love for my kids. And what I feel is, you can screw up, you can mess up, you can take a risk and fail. You can even be mean to me. I will still love you, right? That's never going away. The things you do will not change. That might change my behavior with you, right? I might stop talking to you if you're really a mean kid or something. But I will love you because that's unconditional. It's not depending on anything from you for me to feel this way. So those of you guys who've been flow dreaming for a while or maybe went through me school, you know where I'm going with this. We talk a lot about power leaks and where we give our emotions and our end goals away to other people to serve them up to us, to give them to us. And we can't feel certain ways unless we have these people do what we need them to do for us. Well, this concept of unconditional love is extremely powerful because it heals across the board, these kind of power leaks. When you say, I feel unconditional love for all the animals of the world, what you're saying is, I love them. They're just. They're part of my world and I will protect them and I will do what I can for them. The gentle animals and the angry and hurt animals and the temperamental animals and the fragile animals and all of them. Because I feel a kind of blessing around all animals, right? If I were God, I would have an intense compassion for all creatures. That's the kind of unconditional feelings that I have. So you can name a couple things in your life where you probably have this sense of complete unconditional love or where you have a sense of complete unconditional trust. Not many people have unconditional trust for other people because most people have betrayed us, broken our hearts, lied, done bad things. And we hold that and we remember that and we think, nope, that's not gonna happen again. I trust you. I don't trust you unconditionally. I trust you. But I keep an eye on things. Right slap right there. That is a condition. Now, I'm not saying we should have unconditional trust of one another. I think that would be an amazing world for all of humanity to grow into. Certainly not even close at this point. But there is one form of unconditional trust you can begin working with right now, and that's the Unconditional trust of yourself. And the second form is. Is the unconditional trust of Source or God or your future of the cosmos, the cosmic mind, whatever you want to call it. There's also two things you can absolutely have unconditional love for. You want to take a guess? I just. That was a pretty big hint. You just heard them. Unconditional love for yourself and unconditional love for the universe, for God, for Source. These are often much easier to reach than unconditional love for others or unconditional trust of others. So start with the ones that are easier. Now I say easier and I'm like putting up these air quotes because what I've discovered after working with, you know, thousands of people is that even when we aspire to have unconditional love and trust for ourselves or for the universe or God, we end up putting some kind of funky little restrictions. In other words, the if then starts popping up. The if when I will love myself unconditionally after I lose 20 pounds. Oh yes, I love myself unconditionally already. But if I lost 20 pounds, I would really love and respect myself so much more. Sometimes we try to like, be weaselly and talk our way around it, and that's because we know the right thing. So we try to say, I know the right thing, I'm doing the right thing. But our constant daily chatter and talk tells us a different story. The unconditional love that you have for yourself, does that mean that you have forgiven yourself for everything you've ever done, done wrong, screwed up at, procrastinated on, failed at, were mean? Do you forgive yourself for those mean things you said in fifth grade to that other girl in class? Do you forgive yourself for treating your partner so horribly? Now in hindsight, you can see that you did. Do you forgive yourself from all these things? Because that's part of the unconditional love that you're aspiring to experience. And here's the crazy thing about Unforgiveness. This is hard as a tongue twister show. Unconditional love and unconditional trust, they kind of go together. At the end of the day, most of us stop ourselves over and over. I've done many episodes on going big up, leveling, getting rid of lack thinking, you know, co creating a future that is just crazy magnificent. You know, taking off the top of the box and just letting yourself go as high as you possibly can in your life and big and broad and scrumptious and everything. And most people are playing way down low, right? They're playing in the safe world that gradually becomes less safe as things change around them. And then they get smacked around and then they come into personal growth, right? That's, that's the trajectory of it. But getting to unconditional love and unconditional trust and why they're so intertwined is if you really do love yourself unconditionally, you probably also trust yourself. And when you don't trust yourself, you can see evidence of it all over your life right now, scattered around, you know, like a bunch of old dusty, broken down boxes in the attic. Kicking them with your feet and the dust flies up. A lack of trust manifests in your life as, I can't do that. I can't change careers, I can't get this business off the ground. I can't seem to attract the partner that I want. I can't go back to school at this age. I just can't break through in the world. No one sees me, no one hears my message. I can't. You just keep filling this list up. You can't do these things. Not because you can't do them, but because you've lost faith in yourself to do them. You've lost trust in yourself to do them. You've looked at your past and all the things that have gone wrong and said, therefore, I can't do these anymore. I gotta give up on this. I don't unconditionally trust myself to be a success, to lose the 20 pounds. I don't unconditionally love myself enough to say, I'm gonna take a risk on you over and over again. And I'm not giving up until we get where we want to go. You following how these things come together at this point? They kind of weave together, the two of them. You'll hear me talk about this a lot. The trifecta of trust. And it is a playlist that I very much intend to make to put up at the shop. Trifecta of trust. Trust of self, trust of others, trust of universe. So let's return now to unconditional and how we put all these rules and boundaries and slip slap on it. Why do we do that? How can we simultaneously keep boundaries and keep good? If then things like if you exercise, then I'll reward you with a nicer body. If you, you know, if you get to bed on time, then you're going to feel great in the morning, but if you don't, you're a stinky rotten person like I thought and suspected you might be because you can never seem to get to bed. On time. And you just proved me right again. Right? We want to get out of that kind of dialogue with ourselves. And that's often what if then does. If then dialogue breaks down the trust in us. It can also build the trust in us when we do it correctly. Now here is the key. This is like the big aha moment of the whole episode. If we create if thens that stretch us, grow us and allow us to conquer things inside of ourselves that allow us to win, then our trust and love grows. So it's a kind of question about what is your if then? If I go to sleep early, then I'm going to wake up feeling great. But there's another layer. If I go to sleep early and wake up feeling great, then I've added to my sense of self trust because I know I did something, I said I was going to do it and I did it. Bingo. You know, jackpot. It also adds to your sense of self love because you say, I took care of my body. I'm respecting myself. I'm giving my body and my mind and my heart what it needs. I'm loving it through these actions. See, these are great if thens. When followed through, they turn into ugly little dark, yucky mirrors of themselves. Murky mirrors. When you create an if then that you don't follow through on. And eventually that if then twists itself into something that becomes a kind of rule or a lack thought, which is if I go to sleep, I will wake up early and rested and happy. But ah, I didn't go to sleep and now I woke up cranky and I never seem to go to sleep on time because I'm so exhausted at night. But I have to unwind because my day is so stressful. So I stay up extra late and then I get caught on my phone and then I'm watching TV until I fall asleep and I just disappoint myself over and over again. I don't trust myself, I don't love myself. And I can see it because I'm doing it now. This drips and bleeds and eventually ends up in a pretty strong lack thought that becomes ongoing. I can't ever go to sleep early, I can't do it. And I expect to be tired tomorrow. And I expect a diminished quality of life as a result. Right? Those are straight up lack thoughts. You are preparing for something bad to happen that you know will happen. You guys see where we're going? This is like, I like to like build little bits of logic on top of each other, on top of each Other or illogic, however you want to see it. I like to build them on top of each other so you can see where some stuff comes from, where it's. Where it's being emotionally energetically generated in you, and then where it gets stuck inside of you. Right. For those of you who are like really into finding patterns and blocks. I am. It's one of my favorite little. Isn't that weird? It's one of my favorite pastimes. But I'm always looking in myself and in my clients and in my students. I'm looking at everyone because every time I find one of those and kind of unravel it, it's gone. And then the person can move forward another 10 steps or 10 miles in their life. And that's beautiful. And that's what we're here to do. So this is really tied in with those of you who like to break patterns and blocks. You're going to start with where are my if thens, where do I create little restrictions on myself? Little, little hurdles I have to leap before I can be allowed to do something, have something or feel something? And is that hurdle a healthy hurdle because it's growing, ever growing my sense of faith and love and trust of myself? Or is it an unhealthy hurdle where I say, yeah, I'm going to fail that, so I'm just not going to jump that one anymore? And do I put these hurdles on other people? Do you want to like, really stretch? What are the hurdles you're putting on other people? Are you giving them if then situations that can help them grow and shine and supporting them in doing that, or are you giving them if then situations that you know and expect them to fail to prove to yourself that you really should feel like you'll never get your needs met by that person? Right. A classic would be like between two partners and partner one says, well, if you would only start helping out around the house more, then we would have a better relationship. But you do nothing to help with that. Your partner responds with nothing. There's just no. There's nothing happening there. You've given up on it. There's no more discussion about it. There's no laundry list going up. There's just like, it's just. It's just dead in the water. You've resigned yourself to, if my partner did that, then we would get this. But they never do. So I'm resigned to all this lack thinking and this is a pattern. And now it's a block in our relationship. On the other hand, if My partner helped out more. I think we would have a better quality relationship. Hey, hon, I really need you to sit down with me and let's break this down. Like, what are we doing around the house together? What are your favorite chores? Why don't we get to doing those? And if you don't do them, maybe we can come up with some sort of little reward jar. You know, if you do them, then we get a date night. If you don't do them, then we don't. Because I really want to help and support you and I want us to grow and be better. And it's going to take some effort to change this. But if we don't do it, I'm just going to get resigned and bitter and we're going to end up with a so so relationship that's eventually going to just dry up and blow away and we'll call it a marriage or whatever it may be. So you get to pick where your if then is going to take you. Is it a dead end one? A yucky hurdle that just reinforces a yucky feeling, a yucky pattern, a yucky habit? Or is it an if then that takes you to the next place? Like that really up levels you, where you go, whoa, I can now trust us as a couple. I can trust us in our partnership. I actually love our partnership more. So this is when you take this idea and extend it out, not just for yourself, but into others. There's a lot of food for thought here in today's episode, and I'm hoping that you will take a little time, or maybe you already have. I like to inspire and get your mind cooking and thinking, get you in that flow state of, hmm, I can do better than this. So hopefully you found a couple things that you'll feel inspired to grow or change and find a couple hurdles and ask yourself, what do they mean? And that should be enough for you, especially if you're following my podcast live. I release them every single Tuesday. That means you've got one solid week that you can work on this before you get some new little thing you can noodle around in your mind if you're binge listening. Well, yes, you're accruing a lot of great knowledge, but I really urge you, put it into effect, right? Do something with it. You know, these are kernels that grow into gorgeous things if you allow them. So tying this all back here at the end to flow dreaming and what flow dreaming is and how you would work in flow with this. Well, first of all, I have to say this Every episode. Because there's always new people flowing in, right? If you don't know what flow dreaming is, go to my website. I'll tell you about it more at the little blurb at the end of the episode. But I teach you what flow dreaming is. It is an emotional, energetic practice. It helps you co create to actually shape and sculpt your future. It teaches you what flow state is, how it's a state of ease, utter ease and alignment in your life. And it also helps you with your patterns and blocks and healing and just your. Your. Your personal development and growth across the board. Sorry if you hear any banging in the background. I do record my podcasts in my home office and so it's summertime right now and the whole family's home making a racket. But I'm not gonn. I really do get into a flow of thought when I record here with you. So anyway, for those of you who are new to flow dreaming, go to flowdreaming.com, download the kit. And for those of you who know what you're doing, all of the previous stuff here aside, when you go into flow, the feelings that you're looking for, the emotional state that you're generating, the emotional endpoints that you're coming up with, our feelings of. I love myself unconditionally. I'm feeling what that's like. I trust myself unconditionally. Notice which of those two statements creates a bigger trigger, a bigger inside of you? You know that feeling like, do I? Oh, ooh, I do, right? Play with the one that gives you the most oomph. Feel what it's like. What if you really did trust yourself unconditionally, knowing sometimes you'd be making wise choices and sometimes you wouldn't. You still trust yourself anyway. And then play around with what are my if thens? What are those yardsticks that I'm measuring myself by? And am I reaching them or am I using them to hurt myself? And if there's one that you're using to hurt yourself, go into flow with it and revise it. I'm no longer using this to hurt myself. I'm no longer using this to judge myself. I'm no longer reaffirming this yucky part of me over and over again in my thoughts or in my heart. Here is what I feel about myself instead. So that's a little homework for you. And I do wanna refer you to a flow dream that you can practice with, since we're not gonna be doing one in today's episode. Sometimes I do them, sometimes I don't. So the playlist is called the Ask and Receive, Ask and I Will Receive playlist. Right. Got a little biblical overtone there, but it's so good. Ask and I Will receive. This helps you develop that self love and the self trust. Another great one is called Super Inner Yumminess. This also does wonders for your self love, your self trust, making it all unconditional. And of course, look for the trifecta of trust. It'll be there someday, eventually, but in the meantime, check those out. All right, my friends, love to you all and we're gonna see. Well, we're. I will hopefully see you again very soon for a special announcement, a special podcast where I have breaking news that, oh, I'm just tickled about. So stay alert. It should be coming up very soon in your podcast archives wherever you listen to this program. Until next time. Love y'. All. Hey friends, a couple things to tell you about that I think you'll really enjoy. Flow Dreaming is a universe, actually. In other words, yes, there is a technique, but it's also an entire community of those of us who Flow Dream. And I have a lot to give you to get you started. That's 100% free. So if you go to flowdreaming.com the first thing you need to do is download my free kit that teaches you how to Flow Dream. It contains a audio of a Flow dream that's been recorded called Positive Flow just to get you right into flow state in under 15 minutes. It also includes a tutorial and a PDF guidebook. Now if you're on your mobile device right now, you can also get it by just going to the App Store and downloading the Flow Dreaming app. And it will come preloaded with this wonderful kit for you to learn the process. The next thing I wanted to mention for you is that MI School is my active, gorgeous, beautiful community of flow dreamers. And we learn together, we share and we grow into our manifestational, our co creational and mostly our own deep, immense inner power. We do this together in a mentorship type, school type format. But believe me, no tests, no quizzes, it's the best place you've ever been to. It calls itself a school, but it's really the place where you will completely transform yourself from inside out. So check that out too. Last of all, I hope I see you guys on Facebook or Instagram. Just look up summer McStravic or flow dreaming and come say hi to me there. Until next time. My love to you all.