#636: Confident.

Confidence. Confidence is like. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yes. Yes, I can. Confidence is also. No, no, no, I'm sorry, I can't. No. Find someone else. Ooh, confidence. You are spicy. Let's figure you out as we go forward in today's episode of Flow Dreaming. Flow Dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief, and that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Yeah, Confidence. So I have been baking up big batches of flow dreams lately. Apparently, it's something that I love to do during the pandemic. I've had a lot of time at home and I've had a lot of creativity, really just, you know, rummaging around. So I finally, finally, finally got to a playlist that has taken me. Well, it's been on my list for a long, long time. And I really don't know why it took me, you know, 15 years. But it's confidence, confidence. So, yes, there's a new playlist out. It's called Confident with a Period. I'll tell you what's in it. One is amazing inner confidence. Now, this is a flow dream that I lifted from the Born to Make group. If you don't know about that. Oh, it's kind of a secret. It's my monthly group. Very, very low cost. It's for people who are creative makers. We make stuff, we do stuff. We have visions and dreams, and we recognize that our manifesting isn't just. Just limited to manifesting life direction or relationships or what have you. Our manifesting is about everything we make every day. Everything we make is a make. Everything is creative. And yes, it has a bit of an entrepreneurial or a work or career slant to it, but it's a really, really great group and they get a flow dream every single month that supports them and in the things that they're choosing to make. So thank you, Born to Makers, for letting me borrow this one to put into the new playlist. It was just so good. I had to make it into something bigger. Amazing inner confidence. What it's like, what it feels like. Now, the next one is called Assertive and Clear. Now, I'm running through the names of this playlist for a reason other than just to, you know, shill my playlist. Although, of course, I would love for you to get it. But I'm running through the names of these because really each one touches on a different aspect of confidence. And these are the aspects we're gonna go into and talk about all through today's episode. So the next one is called Assertive and Clear. Assertive and Clear. So this one I originally made for my. My school group, those of my students who continue on after me school, and they just keep staying enrolled. And so I keep giving them new and juicy things. Every sing and Assertive and clear came from this understanding that confidence, you know, being self esteem, essentially, like, I can do this, I'm good enough for this. Like, we all need that. But assertive and clear, that means not only do I have confidence, but I am not afraid. I'm not afraid because when we stop being assertive or we're not clear on what we want, usually the little emotional underpinning of that is we think I'm not confident enough. But it might not be. It actually might be something else. I'm afraid of you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to disappoint you. You always tell me I'm not good enough. I'm just gonna not go there with you. I'm just gonna go around this. We'll work out a compromise where I just, I don't, you know, I don't ask for what I need. Not there, at least. I gave up. I'm not assertive and go ahead, run right over me. I've agreed to it. I made assertive and clear for you guys. And I really understand this distinction because, well, you know, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Whenever somebody makes something, there's a big chunk of them in it, no matter what they say. And I'm a very confident person. But I simultaneously battle with being assertive and clear. I'm confident in myself, but when it comes to, oh, I'm going to upset that person or they just keep crossing the line with me, or I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to hope it changes and gets better. I know something else is going on. Not necessarily self esteem. It's more like I'm afraid. I don't want the conflict. I don't like conflict. I feel too empathically connected to you. I'm anticipating what I think you're going to feel, and it's nasty. So I'm not even going to let you get to that place where you can feel that. Because if you feel that, then I'm going To have to feel that. Then we'll both be feeling that, and it will be doubly bad for me because I'm an empath. Yeah, you see, like, subtle, but that's the distinction. The third flow dream in this playlist is called healthy boundaries. And so you're thinking, well, how is that different than assertive and clear? Well, you can't be assertive and clear unless you actually know what boundaries you have. Right. So this is the flow dream. To help you identify and make those actual boundaries, I want you to be able to say, no. No, I can't volunteer for that. No, I'm not comfortable going out of the house yet. Even though you all want to have a family party. No, I don't like what you're telling me about my children, and I think you're wrong. And your children are not better than my children and blah, blah, blah to you other parents. No, honey, I don't want to do that. I'm absolutely against us doing that. I hope you can understand these are all examples of no's that are very, very healthy. Because if they're enforced and if they're accepted, you're getting your needs met. So identifying where are my boundaries? Getting rolled over and crushed. And what do I need? Well, can you feel how this is all kind of under the confident umbrella? I know, so fascinating, because when I started to make the playlist, I just. I realized confidence is not a singular thing. It's not just you either have confidence or you don't, or you're filled with self esteem or you're not. No, confidence plays out in different ways in different arenas. And that I'm finding really fascinating, because even as I made these flow dreams for you guys, I realized some were like, oh, that one's for me. Or, nah, not that one so much. And I know you're gonna have the same experience, which is very cool, because it's gonna help you shore up those weak spots. And isn't that what we do in personal growth? Isn't that what we do with flow dreaming? We shore up the weak areas, we grow the weak areas stronger, and we make the strong areas even more beautiful. That's your goal. And yeah, it may sound selfish, but ultimately, personal growth is never selfish. Because the more you grow, that becomes the person that you put out into the world that other people have to encounter. I know. Isn't that weird? People have to encounter you. Sad but true. I'm joking. But they have to encounter you. So what are you giving them? Are you giving them mean cranky? Dad, are you giving them Stressed out, Can't say no. Mom, are you giving them? My hopes and dreams are never fulfilled. I absolutely feel disillusioned and disappointed with my life. You know, friend, what are you giving them? Is that what you want to be giving? That's why we're doing personal growth together, by the way. Speaking of which. Yes? Me school. Oof. It's happening. It's back on. I was enrolling earlier this year, but because of COVID I postponed it. But now is the time. I mean, we are heading into glorious, beautiful, long, sunny days. We are heading back to work. We are heading back into reconstruct our lives right now. And if you have ever needed shake up and a change like we just had, you got it. But where do you go from there? Like, how do you rebuild from that? Do you want to be careful and choosy about what you're rebuilding and how you're rebuilding it? Well, that's why I have me school. So hit me up. No, really, go to flowdreaming.com and I'll be speaking with you. I interview all of my students personally. And not to make you feel nervous about that, I said interview you, but we interview each other. We truly do. I make sure that all of my students are people I can help because that's my promise. That's how I want to show up. I want every person walking away to say, yeah, she gave me a lot and it was amazing. That's how I show up. Anyway, so reach out to me me school. I'll put some information at the end of the episode about that as well for you guys. Let's get back to this. So we, we just looked at three forms of confidence or three ways that confidence plays out in our lives based on these three different flow dreams that I created. Let's go back to the first one. Amazing inner confidence. And it's funny because I was teaching a class actually to some of my advanced mid school students about confidence. And I do a lot of research whenever I begin teaching. Well, I would say it's 50% downloads, 50% research. And confidence kept coming up as self esteem, you know, oh, you don't think you're good? You're. You're not good enough. And I'm like, yeah, that's something I harp on a lot too. But I really feel it's more than that self esteem. It feels like, you know, you know how we joke about how we ruined a whole generation of kids by giving them all the fake awards and trophies like you're wonderful, honey, you just showed up and tried. So here's your big, you know, your big award to put up above your bed. And now we're like, God, what do we do to these kids? They all think they're above average. A little Garrison Keeler there, right? Everybody's above average even though they're average. And now nobody can be average. And being average is a terrible bad thing. Even though above average. Well, it's hard to figure out what that is anymore. What I'm getting at is I don't want you to play the comparison game. That is not confidence. The comparison game is not confidence, but the comparison game leads directly to the self esteem game. The self esteem game is, Ugh, I was on Instagram and those people are so frigging beautiful. And how do they afford to go to all of these great places and guys on Facebook the other day, and all of my friends are taking their kids to these, you know, awesome events and doing all these wonderful baking cakes with them, taking their photos and just making me feel like a generally crappy mom, you know, that's the self esteem game. That's not the confident game. Self esteem is comparison based oftentimes in us. Yes. It can be more. I recognize I'm breaking rules of psychology here, but I want you to play with these other ideas for a minute. Confidence is, I do enough with my kids. I give enough to people. I'm good enough at my job. I am great at knitting, right? So confidence is a kind of inner strength, inner awareness, inner acknowledgement of your own power, inner acknowledgement of the degree and level and ability of your own skill or beingness or even just personhood. Inner confidence is, I love the way I look. I love the way I do my hair. I love the way I do my makeup. I feel really good about myself. I feel good about myself. Confidence slides into the area of self love, right? Self worth. All of these are bigger and more expanded than just self esteem. And self esteem kind of has a nasty feel to it. Somehow. The term over the last 20 years has gotten a little degraded. So let's look at confidence instead. As I love myself, I love certain things about myself even more than other parts. These parts are good. These parts are worth giving and showing other people. And I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. So the I'm going to do it part is where we drift now into the next part of confident. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it means I'm assertive. I'm Assertive. And I'm clear, and I'm going to do it. Not only do I feel good about myself, but I have the ability to enforce that, to showcase that, to offer that. And I do. And nothing stops me from doing it. And this is where even confident people can get really bungled up, right, because they're confident. But then it comes out to, well, I. I know I'm really good at this, but you. Okay, here's an example. You guys ever known you could do something really good? And you're working in a team, like, at work or school, and you're like, I should be the leader here. I'm. I'm really good at this. I. I would be great. But someone else is all up in everything and loud and pushing in, and you're like, yeah, all right, well, I just let them do it instead. Let them do it. And, of course, how do things end up not as great? What happened to your assertiveness? Why did you back down? Why didn't you stand up and say, I've got this, you guys. This is how it's done? Where did the assertiveness go again? This is where many of us who are empaths, meaning I feel what you're thinking. I feel what you're feeling. I sense it. Not only that, but I've made this into a really valuable skill for me that I navigate life with. So I've made it my job, and I've kind of honed it unconsciously over the years that I'm going to anticipate what you will feel so that I can sort of better control you by behaving in certain ways. And being assertive is definitely not going to work with you. So I am not going to be assertive because I don't want to feel your anger. I don't want to feel your upset. I don't want to feel your disapproval. I don't want to feel any of that. So I'm just going to avoid that conflict, and I'm not going to be assertive and clear, and I'm gonna let you take my lead. I'm gonna let you take my leadership. I'm gonna let you tell me how I live, how I think, what I'm allowed to do, what I'm not allowed to do. I'm gonna allow your thoughts about me to impact me and my own feelings about myself. I'm gonna let you do all that. I think some of us right now are thinking about people in our lives that do do that to us, maybe not even meaningfully or Intentionally, but they do. And we accept it and we're confident, but we're frustrated and we're mad at them and we're mad at ourselves because we're not being assertive in that. Well, you know what? You can create assertiveness in you. That's the beauty of flow dreaming, one of the millions of uses. You can create new emotional ways of being in yourself. You can create new characteristics in yourself. When we go into flow, we do it for so many reasons. Sometimes we just want to feel that beautiful, blissful alignment with love. We want to clear out the resistance, clear out the trouble, and just get into that sleek and gorgeous silver submarine of straightforward, gorgeous, uninterrupted flow, right? Where everything works, everything is easy, everything is on target, everything is just where it needs to be when it needs to be. That is a gorgeous use of flow. And sometimes we go into flow to do that and then we add on other things like, and I'm going to program my future and I'm going to program in that I want this amazing job and I'm so ready for a transition and it's definitely time for me to move and expand and oh, I'm so good in this job. This career comes to me, right? And we're, we're going for a certain thing in flow. And sometimes we're going in flow because we realize, ha, there's a part of me that I actually need to co create. There's a part of me that needs some manifesting that I'm noticing is getting in the way or I'm noticing is not really built up enough the way I want it to be, not strong. So I'm gonna go ahead and flow dream parts of me. Isn't that cool? I mean, those are the three arenas that I use flow dreaming the most in. And today of course, we're talking about the latter. Creating a part of you assertive and clear and confident. So the last part to go into greater detail, like I promised in the beginning, you're gonna pull unpack. All of these is healthy boundaries. And you can't be assertive unless you know what you're being assertive about. And that's called your boundary. That's called these are things I say yes to and these are things I say no to. These are things that don't fit me, that aren't the best use of my time, that someone else would be better suited for. This is an area where I am going to disappoint you. I'm going to disappoint you here And I'm okay with that because it's my boundary. And I'm going to pick me and my health over your need for something from me. Right? That's like a perfect little definition of a boundary, of a healthy boundary. If you have healthy boundaries, you're going to be operating in the realm of confidence. So much more. I know, though, as you create healthy boundaries, you're going to feel a lot of insecurity, Right? Lot of insecurity. They're going to hate me. They'll never forgive me. They're going to think I'm not up to it. It's going to reinforce their already poor ideas about me. All kinds of things. All kinds of ways we twist ourselves in little pretzel shapes to please other people, when really what we should be looking for are people who are pleased by us as we are. And we're able to make those gentle, mutual compromises. Ones that say, I love you so. Yeah, I'll watch that movie with you tonight. It's not my favorite, but I love snuggling with you on the couch. So let's do it. That's a good compromise. Big compromises. Honey, I know you want to start a new career. I am willing for us to, you know, pool our savings for the next four months while you get this thing off the ground. Because I believe in you. That's a beautiful compromise. It's very different, though, right? Those are secure feelings. Insecure feelings are. No, I really don't think you should. I don't want to do this. I do not want to have your brother's family moving in with us. I really do not want it. Come on, honey. You need to. You have to. What's wrong with you? All that I've done for you. You're dumb. No, I don't want will ruin things. It will ruin us. Find another way. That's a healthy boundary. Even though I made it just sound like an argument. Right? But that's. That's how it often sounds, like an argument. But that's a healthy boundary because you know it's going to hurt you or disturb you or feel just not right. And you can't give that up. A compromise that makes you feel horrible or scared. That's not a compromise. That's someone bulldozing over your boundaries. But when you have that boundary and you say, nope, your brother's family can't move here, can't live with us. Nope, what does that sound like on the surface? Sounds like confidence, huh? Sounds like you're a person who knows Your mind and, you know, your heart and you know it's going to be healthy and good for you and your family. Confidence, you know, it's like Joseph's coat. It's just all these different colors, all the different ways it plays out. It's not of one singular thing. I'm confident or I'm not confident. Like, wipe that away. All those hypnosis tracks you have on being more confident, just draw them out. It's much more nuanced than that. It's much more complex. You'll have confidence in some places and not in others. You'll have good boundaries in some places and unhealthy boundaries not in others. You'll be able to be assertive and go into conflict in certain ways, and you'll pull back and be afraid of conflict in other ways. But it's all under this beautiful sphere of what. What's the big, big picture we're looking at here? Feeling good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself and who you are and the people you've chosen to have in your life, people you've chosen to give your time to, people you've chosen to give your love to. That. That's the big picture. Confidence is just one of many things that allow you to have that, and that is well worth working on. So I want you to think right now about one thing. You wish you had more confidence around one thing. Let it pop up in your head. Usually it's the one that's, you know, freshest and right there, just ready to be worked on. Boom. You'd be like, I wish I was more confident in my writing skills. I wish I was more confident in my relationship. I was. I wish I was more confident about my appearance. Excellent. Pick that thing, and then I want you to start exploring it from the other angles. Do I have boundaries there? Can I be assertive, or am I avoiding conflict? Do I take genuine pleasure in it? And if not, what am I insecure about? I want to shift that, and the only way I shift that is by actually feeling opposite. We often ask for people and things to get rid of our insecurities. We say, when I have more experience, I won't feel so insecure about this. When I lose £20, I won't feel so insecure about my body. When my girlfriend starts to, you know, act like she really does love me and she's not just hanging out with me because she can't find something better, then I won't feel insecure. Waiting on other things like this means you're always playing a Waiting game. And you're playing a waiting game on things that are outside of you you have no control over. Often, oftentimes. But when you say, I'm going to feel secure about this, I am going to feel confident about this, I am going to feel assertive about this, and I am going to feel healthy and like, I have the right to say no or this doesn't work for me or I need this from you, I have the right now. Now you're playing confidence. So I'd like to share with you right now as I've been doing recently. Like I said, I've been on an absolute bender of creating new flow dreams. So I want to share with you a little bit of amazing inner confidence. This is not the full flow dream. It's just a taste. I want to help you reach the moment where you go, oh, that's what it feels like. And if you like it, I encourage you. Go grab the playlist. Go grab the playlist. Because if there's one thing that you can do that's going to melt through all the rest of your life, like have an impact on literally everything, it might just be confidence or this understanding of confidence, security, insecurity, self worth. This whole little area, I mean, it would be definitely in my top five areas that I would suggest anyone work through. And in me school, we spent a disproportionate amount of time getting you to the point where you realize I am damn exciting and wonderful. Everything, you know, the world is my oyster because until you get to that spot, everything just gets stuck and slowed. So that said, let's go listen to a sample right now of absolute inner confidence. My eyes close and I relax in my mind, I see a little box. I open the lid and I put all of my troubles of the day inside. All worry, stress, anxiety, pressure. In they go. I close the lid and set the box aside, out of view. I have a few moments now to do nothing but be in my flow, extend my awareness and feel how I want to feel. I breathe deeply, letting my whole body relax as I exhale. My brow releases, my jaw relaxes, my neck and shoulders feel loose and soften. My breath feels easy in my chest, which expands and releases, letting my ribs and back loosen up and my hips and abdomen settle. I continue to breathe easy, soft. As I allow my mind to wander and flow. I let myself imagine a long wooden dock, one that flows out over a tropical sea. The kind of docks you see on sunny islands that lead to beautiful overseas huts. I walk on the warm, soft planks I feel the sun warm on my skin and a cool breeze on my cheek. I find that this. This boardwalk goes on and on and on, wide as a highway and firm and safe and stretching as far as I can see over the horizon with this flowing sea of beautiful, rich light all around me. And as I walk, I feel my strength returning. My toes and feet hit the boards beneath me with more and more confidence and surety. In every step as I walk, I feel myself gathering up the air. I feel the light and the soothing sounds of the ocean seeping through me, melting into this place. Strength, direction, comfort, clarity and light. And I'm filled with it. I'm filled with this light. This love and recognition. Yes, this light. It recognizes me. It's benevolent and loving, powerful and gentle. It soothes me. It draws me. And as I walk, my legs and my body grow stronger and stronger. I can feel myself letting the strength of this beautiful ocean flow up through me, through my legs and torso, filling me up, reminding me who I truly am. Oh, yeah, that's nice. I'm sorry, I always hate ending these abruptly. But you can always go back in my archives where I do live, sort of, you know, in the moment. Downloaded Flows with you guys. So please, there's hundreds of episodes here that you can browse through on all kinds of topics. And bear in mind, you know, the podcast is different. It's a different animal, different beast than me school or my Born to Make program. It is where I get to riff and kind of play through concepts and share my explorations in the world of flow dreaming. So I love that you guys enjoy it. And in fact, almost everybody who comes in the MI School or Born to make is a podcast listener. And I think that's wonderful because it's. It gives you a really clear eye as to how I speak, how I teach and how I think. And if it's something that you want to pick up from me as well, right? Becoming an unbounded creator, a full on, full force manifester, no holds barred in your life. That's the road I've been on and that I am on. And every time I stumble and hit my nose or break my leg on this road, meaning I hit something in my life that's tough. I share that too. I mine the gold out of everything and then I pass it on and it works for some of you guys, which makes me feel really pleased and really happy, right? It's like double the pleasure. Double, double the pleasure. That's from an old gum commercial on tv. Anybody remember that? Double mint, Double mint gum. Whatever happened to that stuff? Oh my God. I'm showing my age. Geez. Okay, with that, you guys, I am gonna wrap up today's episode. It has been lovely spending time with you and please, please, please rate this podcast. It means a lot. It used to be easy to get your podcast up in the top, top areas of, you know, itunes and so forth, but the sheer volume is making it more diffic. Rating is like a pound of gold. I mean, it's worth a lot. So you're rating and you're subscribing. I so appreciate it. And please, please, please share it with your friends. Share it with your clients. A big shout out to all the therapists out there. You guys turn a crazy number of your own clients onto Flow Dreaming. And I am so grateful for you for to you for doing that. So I'd love that. Appreciate it. And I'm going to leave you guys today with lots of love and a few words about MI School. So you know how to reach me again. Come in. It's gonna be the best summer ever. I wanna take a moment to tell you about MI School. Now, of course, you can look all of this up on the website@flowdreaming.com, look up MI School and the whole thing will be written out for you in great and glorious details. But as long as you're here and you've just been listening to this episode, maybe the thoughts crossing your mind, what would happen if I really learned all of this Flow Dreaming stuff? What would happen if I gave myself some personal growth on a really stepped up level? What would I be capable of? Where could I go? Most of my me schoolers enter MI School not exactly knowing where they want to go. And that's mistake number one I want you to avoid. You don't have to know what you're trying to create for yourself. If you've been through a transition recently or you're even just looking at the next decade of your life and thinking, what's gonna happen in it? Well, I'm here. We're here because that's what we specialize in. Showing you. Helping you, pointing you where you can say, ah, I know how I'm gonna feel in that decade. And I know some of the things now that I want to add in. We take you from a place of being stuck and not knowing into a place of total powerful clarity of excitement. You are raring to go. And maybe that's a feeling you haven't had in a while. Well, it's still there. It's hiding. And I know how to get it back. So come join me. Come visit. We are a beautiful, vibrant, loving, intimate community of very powerful, accepting creators, seekers and dreamers. We make things happen. You will be intensely surprised by the quality of people who are around you. And why? Because I spend my time with you for a whole year. And I'm picky. I am. Which means that everyone in me school is a choice cut man. They're the top. They're the best people. Doesn't mean they're the biggest in their careers or this or that. But they're good people, and they're people who do the work, and they're generous people and they're loving people. They're the people I want to hang out with. And I'm inviting you to come in with us because over the course of the year, we're gonna talk together every month, multiple times a month. You're gonna be learning things, you're gonna be testing things, trying things. I have hundreds of techniques that I teach you, and we go over them together, and they will reveal you and unfold you to yourself in a way you have never seen before. So, please, come join me. At least get on my schedule to talk to me. I open up times throughout my work month where I talk to potential new students. And it's gentle. We just discuss. Hey, are you ready? Are you almost ready? Maybe you're not ready. We'll find out. But it's good to call and it's good for us to talk because it puts it on your radar are. And it's the first step in your commitment to yourself. So I invite you to go to flow dreaming.com, swipe to it on your phone, or go on your desktop and go ahead and set up a time and let's talk. I can't wait.