#647: You Are Sweet, Loved, and Beautiful

You are sweet, you are loved, you are beautiful. And beautiful can mean whatever it means to you. Handsome, fit, vibrant. Whatever it means. And the reason I'm telling you this is because there are not enough people in our lives who tell us these things or they tell us meekly or maybe without much thought or feeling. And I guess we're all supposed to just know that we're this way. But I hear so much more often in my life the opposite, that I'm not appreciative or I'm not being sensitive or I'm not being. It's always something, right? Always something. The negatives that we hear in our lives generally outweigh the positives. I would guess five to one. I don't know. Maybe someone's done a study on this. So today I wanted to just take a little time with you and be the other voice. Be the voice that reminds you you are sweet, you are lovable, you are loved, you are fantastic, kind, generous, adorable, handsome, everything, whatever good adjectives that you say. Oh, yeah, I am all that. I want to be that voice with you and for you. Today, as we kind of go deeper into what it means to be those things and to remind ourselves that we are, and when we remind ourselves that we are, we start to behave more like that because that's who we are, and that's where we start to come from instead of the opposite and all those other things people have reminded us of. Stay with me for episode 647. You are sweet, lovable and beautiful. Slow dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief, and that is what being aware of, of your flow dust. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. I'm Summer McStravik, and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. All right, so welcome to Flow Dreaming today, everybody, my friends, all of you sweethearts out there, you're so adorable. I swear, you're fantastic. And I want you to know, I don't just say these words. I'm saying them with a lot of clarity and a lot of purpose today. And in fact, at the end of today's episode, we are going to do a flow dream where you are reminded over and over again of how wonderful you are. So stick with me until we get there, okay? So I'm going to give you a little backstory. I got myself in trouble a couple of weeks ago by being too nice I know that sounds like one of those ridiculous things. Some Instagrammer would say I was just too nice. That's why they didn't like me. No, no, no. I sent out an email with a subject line, hey, sweetie, and woo boy. Wow. Wow. I inadvertently stepped in the hotbed of everything people are talking about. Upset about identity politics. The whole bag just went boof up. And a lot of people emailed me and said, oh, thank you for reminding me of this, that I'm a sweetheart. And other people emailed me saying, how dare you come into my life inauthentically and say things that are not sensitive to me and how I see myself. So I put it up as a Facebook post. I said, okay, guys, how would you handle this? What would you do? And I was just really, really wanted to know. And hundreds of you replied. And then I sat on this for like a week just thinking, gosh, I was being authentic. I have always called everyone sweetie and love and my dears and, you know, just terms of endearment just slip out of my mouth all the time. If you guys have listened to this show for a while, you know, I'm always calling you something, and often that thing I'm calling you is a term of endearment. And I know that this episode is also going to risk getting me in some hot water. But what I realized after a good week of mulling things over is that there is the speaker and then there is the spoken to. And it is difficult for us all to understand everyone's nuances about who they are and how they see themselves and what they expect from me and expect from others or how they're trying to educate others or change others. And I also realize there's another side of this, which is many of us have been called terms of endearment that were pejorative, that were put downs. I mean, I have been called, oh, honey by those older ladies. And the way they say it is, you're such a nincompoop. You have no idea, you young thing. You have no idea of the ways of the world. And I remember just smarting under that. I've been called honey by bosses who meant it nicely, but they made me feel like, oh, I'm not really your honey. You know, it's a way of kind of making me feel like I'm just a. Just a woman. Yeah, but I've been called honey by other people, clients, friends, you know, parents of my friends. Oh, honey, just, you know, you look fabulous today, things like that. And it really got me thinking. Certain words of endearment are words that are carrying feelings. It's all they're doing. They're carrying feelings. And either they're carrying feelings of, you're female, you're not good enough, you'll never get a raise here. Or you're female, you're younger than me, don't try and one up me, girl. Or I love you. And I call everyone honey because I want to like you. I really do. So welcome to my life and my friend's life. Let's get to know each other honey. Or any of these words carries an energy. It carries a feeling. Everything we say, everything we speak carries a feeling with it. And I want to be really clear. The purpose of this show, the purpose of this episode is not to really talk about language. I mean, it is. I'm setting a context for you. But the real, the real question here is, will I allow myself to be loved when it is loving? Because so much of what we normally hear is not loving. And we are put on guard and taught to expect that it's not loving. And I know I'm dipping into the political again, but when we talk about microaggressions, hey, honey, in the workplace is a microaggression. There are others, right, Based on age or weight, hair color, skin color, gender, Tons of them. And it's wonderful to be aware of them and not just let it slide by as if it doesn't mean anything. But there's another side. Is there anybody saying, lots of people love you, the world really wants things to work out for you. People want to help you, they want to be there for you. And that's where I, like, stop in shock because I'm realizing I'm not hearing that anywhere. I'm not hearing it on the news, I'm not hearing that on college campuses, I'm not hearing it in workplaces. We hardly hear that at home. And that's really made me think, wow, no wonder we've become a very defensive knee jerk, wary eyed peoples, because we've been hearing so much. They don't like you, they don't want you, you're not doing it right. And what we're not hearing is you're beautiful, you're lovable, we want to help you, we want to be there for you, we want to encourage you. You deserve this just by being you. Those are the messages that I feel like I've gotten so lost. Maybe they never were. Maybe I'm just daydreaming that they ever were there because I know so many of us Grew up without those words, those messages, ever. And we blame our families. You know, like, my family did not support me. They were always critical. They were always looking for the thing that I could do better. The grades weren't good enough. I couldn't play the cello good enough. I didn't, you know, I wasn't as pretty as my sister. I wasn't as athletic as my brother. I was gay. I was non conformist. I didn't fit in. I was a goth. I don't know, all kinds of things where we weren't quite right. We didn't fit, not good enough. And we look back at our families and say, oh, they did this to us. But I'd like you to look broader than that. Yeah, maybe you got a big lot of that from your family. But then you walked into a society where everybody else got that from their families too. And now the way we talk to each other is wary, careful, cautious, stiff, formal, or we just don't talk at all. I realized, you know, that the old phrase, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the big top is not okay anymore because there's more than ladies and gentlemen. So they encourage you to say spectators or everybody. And I realized our language is changing and our precepts are changing. And I had this discussion in the car with my daughter. We were taking a long drive yesterday, and we were talking about the word Ms. Ms. And I said, you know, that word didn't exist prior to the seventies women's movement in the United States. Or if it did exist, I should have looked this up. But if it did exist, it certainly wasn't well known. I said, but the language changed because women decided that they shouldn't immediately have their relationship status revealed in their form of address, whereas men, it wasn't revealed a mister was a mister no matter what. And so this word came to be. And now we have all these other words and pronouns coming to be too, which is a good thing because now we have names for ourselves that are more accurate, more true to us, or on the other side, aren't revealing something we don't want to share, which is fantastic, but where it gets kind of sloppy is, sweetie, darling, love, you're beautiful, you're wonderful, you're terrific. And that's where the language, we get uncomfortable, like on so many levels. Not just because someone said sweetie, but because they're saying something nice. What do they want? Or you're saying something, I'm beautiful. No, I'm not. I don't trust you. Why would you say that? You See, this wall is up between all of us. I don't trust you when you say something nice to me. I'm not sure about you. If you say that I'm a good person and loving and wonderful, because maybe I don't even feel that way about myself. Why would you say that? You don't even know me. I would like us to maybe change and think about extending to each other and walking toward each other with feelings of forgiveness. First of love, first of appreciation, first of presuming the best about someone before the worst. Presuming the best. Oh, that came out of your mouth. I didn't really like that, but I presume the best about you, because I think you said that with love, and I was listening to the feelings there. And if something needs to be corrected, correct it with love, generosity, and gentleness. And maybe it'll be different next time. And if you hear something from someone and they're telling you, you're amazing, you deserve this, you've got this. In turn, I want you to say, you're right. I do. How did you see that? How do you know that doesn't matter. I believe you. I need to hear more of that, and that's really, really what I'm getting to. We all need to hear more positive things about each other. And if those are terms of endearment and they're carried with love, spoken with love, as opposed to with any of those other crummy things that I've mentioned, be open to that. If people are telling you things that are compliments, take them. You ever notice how hard it is to take a compliment? I was sitting in a hotel once, and at a. At a conference, and some people came up with a microphone and a camera. And I thought, oh, they're just interviewing the conference attendees. But they were doing some sort of social experiment. It was strange. I don't even remember all the details, except that they were basically saying, well, you are the most beautiful woman in this room. You. You are just so radiant, and et cetera, et cetera. And I said, what? What? What do you want? What do you want? What's this for? And my immediate reaction was one of suspicion. And that was part of the experiment. And instead of just saying, why, thank you, you're right, I realized one. I didn't say that because people would have thought. They would have thought on camera, would have thought, well, she's sure full of herself. Any good person is going to say, oh, no, I'm not. Oh, thank you. Oh, so are you. Right? Deflect. Deflect that was the actual experiment. How do people handle it when other people tell them, you're beautiful, you're wonderful, you're handsome, you're loving, you're fantastic. You're the best person I've talked to all week. How do they handle it? And that was eye opening. And what I see now is a lot of us have been so trained. This is not your fault, folks, okay? We've been trained to expect and anticipate the negativity from others to such a degree that when there's positive things spoken or said to us or about us, we have a really hard time with it. I would love to see this change. Change in you first and then changing me and changing your friends and changing your family one by one, little dominoes. So I'm a big fan of saying, hey, love. Hey, darling. Hey, how are you? You're beautiful. You're fabulous. You want to show me some of that? Show me how fabulous you are. Tell me something that you've done recently that you're proud of. I want to hear that. I want to cheer with you and for you. Can you hear, like, even when I say those words? We're like sponges, dry sponges, drinking in. We need so much more of that. We need to say it to each other. We need to feel it toward each other. We need to say to our neighbor, you know, you're such a good neighbor. You really are. I'm so happy that you're my neighbor. We need to say to the person at the grocery store, gosh, you've been doing a really tough job all year. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. I appreciate you so, so much. We want to say to that new person we meet at work. I'm so happy you're on board. I'm really excited that you joined the team. I can't wait to work with you. We want to say things that let others know they're valuable, they're important, they're seen, they're liked. You're giving them the anticipation of liking them until they prove you otherwise. Yes. If you want to ask permission. Oh, I said, darling, is that okay with you? That is awesome. Do it. And if they say no, I have super negative associations with that. Well, your job is not to change them. Just go, cool. All right, then I'll call you Harry or Sue or Jean or John or whatever. But give. Give others this sense ahead of time of I'm gonna like you before I dislike you, and I want you to know it. And I'm Gonna say it. That's a funny thing that's happened this year. I know I'm being a little like, you know, what's the word? Didantic? Yeah, it's teaching with moral observation. So to all of you guys who haven't turned off this episode yet, I love you. And I say that a lot to people. I say that a lot to my students, classes, random people. If I like somebody, even somebody, a person I had an interview with last week, I said, you know, I really like you. And she was a little taken aback. And I said, well, you know what? I know it's like we're in fourth grade again. I like you, you want to be my friend, but that's what it takes. That's why we made friends in fourth grade and maybe not so many now. I want us all to remember that the world is five to one telling us that we are not so great and there is something wrong with us. And buy this toothpaste for whiter teeth and you're going to get gaslighted. And those people of another political persuasion don't like you. And it just goes on. And they use the wrong words with you and they look down on you because of your weight or your age. And, like, there's a lot that we have been sensitized to sensitize to the negative. And who is sensitizing us to the positive? Who is sensitizing you to the positive does not make good news. So that's why we do personal growth. That's why you're invested in this, like I'm invested in this. I don't do it just for me. I do it for you and you, you and you. Because if I get sensitized to the positive again, and then by my example, you're sensitized to the positive. And then your friends are. And then your family is. And you teach your kids this. Now there is a sea change. Now there is someone saying, oh, my dear, it's so good to see you. And they realize my dear means my dear. I have positive feelings about you. Not, hello there, stranger. You know, I mean, I guess that was said with a positive sound. I sounded like some 50s movie cowboy, but still, I want you to know I'm coming from the positive. And I want you to know that until you prove me otherwise, that's what I expect of you. That's what I think about you as an empath. I can't help but feel you all the time. When I look in people, when I see someone, their being kind of radiates and spills out and over them. They don't even realize it. They're like a soda that got shaken up and you're all over and, you know, usually what I see, there's a darn good person. Oh, yeah, they're struggling or, yeah, they're angry, or, yeah, they're really hurt. But there's a good person and they have a good heart and they're trying to do the right thing, but they're scared or they're confused or they didn't learn it right. But they're a good person. They're a good person. They're a dear. They're a sweetheart. They're beautiful. So I'm going to say to you now, you are a sweetheart. You are adorable. You are something extra special. You are exactly right. You are more than enough. You are more than good enough. You are wonderful. You're loving and kind and thoughtful. You're the friend I always wanted to have. You're the person in my life I'm so lucky to have. You are gorgeous. Gorgeous inside, gorgeous outside. And I don't care if you don't believe that about yourself, but I see it. And I want you to know you're a little piece of source. You're a little piece of God. You're a little piece of light, of consciousness. No matter what's happened to you or what bag of bones you might be inhabiting right now, you are still all that. And I see that first, and I don't forget it. Not about you. And isn't it funny? Cause maybe there's a little hollowness or resistance to hearing it, or maybe there's a sense of, again, gosh, you're right. I never hear this. Never hear this from people, not even the ones who love me. This is the change. This is part of growth. This is where we go from personal inner growth and the inner healing work to the outer healing work, to being healed with others. It starts with letting that in and saying it back out again. Saying it back out. Who in your life right now needs to hear this? Who in your life right now probably hasn't heard this much? Who in your life right now, like you is probably getting five to one negative things that they are expecting to hear, prepared to hear, worried about hearing, ready to hear who. Maybe they're feeling just like you and they want to be called a love, a darling, a sweetheart. And they want you to say to them, I really like you. I really do like you. You're pretty cool. Wow. And why, as adults, do we lose that Ability. What part of us is like, oh, can't say that. Let's say it. Let's say it all the time. Let's be a tidal wave that pushes back. And this is, for me, where the healing starts. The healing between us socially and divided, and the healing between us generationally. The healing between us socioeconomically, the healing between us racially. You are amazing. Oh, my gosh, darling. Wow. I would like to know you. I think what you're doing is great. What you're doing, what you're focused on, what you're thinking, what you're saying. I really love it. And it starts with you being able to accept that yourself. So let me be the voice one more time, and then we're going to flow for that as well. Oh, yes. We get a flow dream. You are beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, gorgeous inside and out. Beautiful in so many ways. You are worth knowing. You are worth being a friend to. You are someone who will do the extra for someone else. You are the person who will be there for someone else. You are the person with strength inside. I see your strength. You are so strong, but you're not strong because you have to be because your life has been so hard. You're strong because you're beautiful and you're a metal that shines in the sun. Bright, strong. And you are soft, and you are open, and you are vulnerable. And I respect that. And I will treat that gently. And I'm lucky to have you. I'm lucky you're in my life. I'm lucky you're here, and we're sharing this message with each other. I feel so lucky. Not for me, but because it's you. You're listening. Not just anybody. You. You're that important. You. Please remember this. I can't tell you how many people have emailed me over the years saying things like, gosh, you got me through the darkest years of my life. I was divorcing, or I didn't have a house. I was going through treatments and health problems. And I listened to these shows and this podcast over and over and over, and I say, really? Wow. Gosh, I'm so glad. I feel so lucky that I was there for you and that you found something that worked. And you know what else? It reminds me, I need to tell you this a lot more often than I do, because often I get caught up in, you know, let's grow, let's push it. Let's be fierce and fearless. And I forget to say, you're wonderful. I presume that is the baseline. I just presume that about you to the point where I forget to even say it. I want you to be the same kind of person who says, I presume you're wonderful to all the people in your life, even though I forget to say it, but now I'm going to say it more. Right. Promise? Promise. Pinky promise. Let's do it. All right. I feel good. I feel really good. I hope you guys do, too. All right, we're going to close our eyes and we are going to go into a flow dream. And if you don't know what a flow dream is, go to my website, flow dreaming.com. it is a special practice where we move into a highly emotional state using guided daydreaming, which is like your imagination. And we evoke this state of flow. And the flow state is a legit psychological state. Flow state where we release and we let go and things become easy and they click and they come together. You've had that experience before. It comes and goes in our lives. Usually it happens when we're in a really beautiful state of attunement or alignment with something that feels so good and happy for us, like we're solving a puzzle that we're deeply invested in, or we're creating a work of art, or we're playing a game or golfing and. And we're just there. Those moments when you're sailing on a ship with your friends, imagine. I mean, not that all of us do that, but imagine you're sailing on a ship with your friends and having the best time of your life. You are in flow. You are in the moment. You are there. You are timeless, and you are moving forward. And you are exuding this sort of beautiful essence around you of I'm exactly where I need to be, exactly where I should be. Everything is easy here. Everything is coming together here. This is the state that we practice over and over in flow dreaming. And then we add in anything else we want on top of it. So close your eyes for a couple minutes with me and let's remember. Let's recall how beautiful we are. Eyes closed and take a deep breath and relax. Release. Let go of all the tension. Just feel good. And you've been thinking and listening for a little while now and realizing, yeah, I've been hearing a lot of things day in, day out about how I should be scared or how I'm not the right fit, how I can't do this, no one will want me there. All these little negative ideas stacking up like beads on a string. And every now and Then I hear a beautiful, bright, glimmering idea, A few words where someone says, well, you sure look good today. Or, gosh, thank you. You just said exactly the right words. How did you know? You're marvelous. Or someone says to me, I'm lucky to have you in my life. I really am. I'm so lucky. I wouldn't have wished for anyone else but you. And you're feeling this, and you're realizing they're right. Your heart is opening, it's waking up. And someone says, I like you. I really, really do. I. And you're saying to yourself, yeah, but I'm self conscious. And I said that thing the other day and maybe I made a mistake. Or maybe you think bad things now and no, no, no wiping that all away inside, you feel inside this beautiful rushing forward, this sensation. Like a little silvery fish swimming in a stream. And the current is behind it, pushing it forward. This little fish mountain barely has to move at all. It's just being flowed, floating and flowing. And someone says, you're right where you belong. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You don't have to do anything more. We love you. I love you. You are awesome. You are okay. You are okay. I don't know what anybody else said to make you think you weren't, but you are seriously okay. Like, more than okay. You are amazing. You are good. You're right. You're loving and you're strong. And whatever all those other people said that they tried to convince you you were something else. Who are they? Probably people you don't really even like. Maybe you don't like at all. Maybe they're people you do like and they're just confused and they just forgot that they haven't said this to you in so long. But you're like, yeah, you do love me. I love. I am lovable. I am. I am. Wow. I am worth it. I am deserving of being seen, of being heard, of having a voice. My truth is as important as your truth and needs to be heard equally with yours. I'm important. I'm real. I'm here. I speak up. I own it. I am who I am. And I behave the way I behave. And I'm always trying to behave better and more lovingly, more authentically, more me with more to give. I really am. And I often succeed, very often. And I don't forget that anymore. I remember that about me in every situation, especially with those people who tell me otherwise, who just want to tell me the bad things, the negative things, the things that they want or they don't. Like I remember. Hey. Hey. I'm a really good person. Maybe you forgot what a good person I am. I didn't. I'm me and I deserve to be seen. I love it. I love showing the world my light. I love giving it to you. I am not afraid or embarrassed to say to you, you're awesome. Do you know how awesome you are? Gosh, no one's told you that. I'm gonna tell you that you are. Are freaking awesome. And I love it when I see you behave awesomely. When I see you feeling awesome about yourself. God, I love that so much. And I remember, this is where love comes from. It's what love is built on. And love creates generosity between us. It creates the benefit of the doubt. It creates the. I expect you to be good. I don't expect you to be bad. I expect goodness from you. I know you're gonna prove me right. Right? And we remember the feeling. Whenever anyone says that to us, we say, yeah, right? Yeah, I am. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show up that way. That is amazing. I love that. That feels so good. And again I release into flow. And I just realize I've been drifting in these good feelings. I've been making these good feelings. These good feelings are in me and they're out of me and they're pouring into the world. I made them in me, but then they spread everywhere I go. I'm like a boat shooting through the water. In the wake ahead of me is all of that good energy. The wake behind me, all of that good energy. These feelings are so good. Everyone who encounters them in my midst feels them and is impacted. Oh, and that feels so good. This is me. This is me. This is who I really am. I won't forget that. I'll remember it in idle moments. I'll remember it when I get worried or scared or embarrassed. I'll remember it when someone says something bad. I'll remember, hey, that's not who I am. I'm amazing. I'm beautiful. I'm sweet. I'm handsome. I'm lovable. I'm vibrant. I'm alive. I'm authentic. I'm smart. I'm creative. I'm intelligent. I. I'm giving, I'm loving. I'm all that. Yeah. So now let me go be that. Let me act from that with you and with everyone. And that's the feeling I hold even now, coming back, returning from flow. Wow. I know that I repeated some of that more than one time because this Stuff bears repeating. This stuff needs to go in and go in again and then go in one more time. Because the first time we tend to deflect it. And the second time we say, oh, well, yeah, kind of. The third time we're like, yeah, she's nailing it. Fourth time it's like, obviously that's what I want. I want you to get to the obviously, you cannot hear enough of this good stuff. Remember, five to one, you gotta listen to this five more times. Now, just to equate what you've heard in the last three hours in your day. Can't get enough. Give it to yourself. So with that, we're gonna wrap today's show. I do want to give you some resources though, because if this like just struck that sweet spot in you where you said, oh my gosh, yes, I am so thirsty for this. Well, you guys, I have a ton of wonderful resources for you. I'm gonna suggest some that center around self love. So one of the best ones is going to be the playlist called Essential flow Dreams. Best of now. I know it sounds like. Why is that a good recommendation? Because this is the journey that starts you on ownership of these feelings to the point where you start to see again and again, where you're not getting them, where it becomes obvious, where the people around you aren't giving them to you or can't give them to you. But that's okay because you're not trying to pull it from them anymore. You've generated it inside yourself. The other playlist is pure inner ecstasy. Ooh, mama, this is the big one. This, this has some seriously, I want to say difficult. Difficult is wrong. But they're high level flow dreams where you don't just feel self love, you feel ecstasy. You realize, I am that great. I am deserving of everything and I am ready to erase anybody that told me otherwise. So go check those both out. And of course, while you're at the flow dreaming shop, you know, poke through and see if there's anything else you can do. This is an ongoing process. The way that we change inside is through repetition and constancy. And even if you can't do the actual flow dreaming, you can listen, you can let this stuff sink in, make it be the background noise of your mind and go from there. So if you're interested in learning more about flow dreaming, I'm gonna have a little end of show discussion where I explain a little bit more about the flow dreaming universe and what we do until then. My love to you all you sweetheart darling adorables out there. I will see you all next time for another episode of Flow Dreaming. Flow Dreaming is a universe. On the one hand, it's extraordinary. It's a technique that can change everything in your life. You can feel better, manifest your dreams, heal it does it all. And to learn it well, just go to flowdreaming.com and get my free kit that teaches you how. Look under Flow Free Goodies. And you can also download the Flow Dreaming app which has the kit right there for you. But Flow Dreaming keeps going. Once you fall in love with the technique, you might want to know how to use it better. How to think better, feel better, really change inside. That's why I have Flow on a monthly membership where I teach people a new way of using flow in their lives every single month. Check it out. Finally, you might be perfectly ready for MI School. I know you've heard a lot about MI School, but maybe you haven't actually looked it up yet. It's my most effective program, a culmination of 20 years of teaching. It's been taken by hundreds of students over the last seven years. And this is where you really light that fire that grows and you make this a life worth living. You can find it all@flow dreaming.com so go check it out and at least write yourself a note, even if you can't check it out this minute. And while you're at it, subscribe to the podcast SA.