670: How to Regrow Your Broken Trust

I've been meaning to talk about this for a long time now, couple years I think. It's a topic that we go over extensively in me school. It's something that I don't know, just a lot of people don't discuss unless you're deep in, you know, private therapy with someone. It's about trust. But it's more than trust. It's about you as a being who trusts or doesn't trust, who is limited by lack of trust, who wants to know how to rebuild trust but not even is sure where it's broken. This is one of the biggest, biggest things in our life. I call it the trifecta of trust. And that's what we're talking about today. Episode 670, how to Regrow your broken trust. Slow Dreaming. It's a show where we talk about the power of your mind to change your world around you, to literally affect the fabric of your reality. We talk about this feeling of hope and joy and relief. And that is what being aware of your flow does. It gives you a feeling of power again in your lives. Breathe. I'm Summer McStravik and welcome to another episode of Flow Dreaming. Welcome to Flow Dreaming. Hi everybody. How are you doing this month? Are we roaring into this fabulous year? Are you guys feeling good? Starting to feel reenergy, energized? I have made it a real point to stay on target and focused and flowing. My energy is as important to me as my physical bodily health. And so for me, when I am focusing on, I'm going to feel this way. I want these things to happen. I want to experience these places of growth in my life. I mean this is, this is manna from heaven. And if you missed that episode 668, that one was just a little bit couple weeks ago. The gorgeous, satisfying way to open a year. Go back and grab that one because right now we're diving into a topic that's a little deeper and will hopefully help you regrow and create that satisfying gorgeous year as you regrow and open yourself to trust. So something that I talk a lot about with my students in MI school and my Flow Dreaming students is trust. What is it? How much of it do we have? Where do we have it? Why do we have it? What happens if we don't have it? How can we live and be thriving co creators unless we have boatloads of trust? Well, why would we need trust? Can't you just kind of force your way through things? Isn't it right to be skeptical and to hold back and be cautious, etc. Etc. Etc. The answer is yeah, but. Yeah, but. So what I'm going to try and do in this episode today is give you a nutshell peek at something that I teach on for multiple hours with my students. But it is so crucial. I mean, just this introductory view of it is change making in your life, especially when it comes to the kind of things that you're letting yourself create. Wish for, hope for, allow, manifest, whatever. It all comes down to trust. In fact, this year for me, and in hindsight, actually last year for me, was largely about trust. Letting go. Like, just letting go and trusting. There was a certain point last year when I realized I've been sitting every day writing a book for like five weeks now, and I realized, gosh, I haven't recorded a podcast, I haven't sent out an email. Gee, I wonder what my company is doing. I mean, I was. I was doing the minimalist, working with my private students, working with my mi. Schoolers, but everything else, social media, screw that. I'm just gonna write a book. And when, believe me, you guys, when books come out, it's like birthing a baby whale. They just, like, they want to be born. You gotta birth them when they want to be birthed or they'll go away all sad and never come back. So I said, okay, all right, now I'm gonna do this. But as I did it, I even realized then, like, God, you know, I really should be keeping up my stuff. And, like, people are probably wondering what I'm doing and what is she. Okay? And you know, and I said, you know what? You gotta trust. See what happens? Something in you is saying, do this, do this, write this. Did I have any guarantees? No. Did I have any solid book sale already on the table? No. Did I have any idea that all this time spent, as it turns out, 18 months would yield anything? No. Why would I do something so ridiculous? Trust. Because I've been learning trust. I've been learning trust, frankly, since about 2015. I've been learning trust before then. I've been learning trust a long time. It's one of my life majors, as I call them, but I've been learning it particularly recently. See, there was a time in my life where I felt I had to control things a lot. If I just do this, then that will happen. If I just do this, then that won't happen. I was either trying to make something happen or trying to avoid something from happening, all due to me getting in there and forcing things around and turning the knobs and Dials, right? And we know what this looks like. Doing the right thing, going for the right promotion, working your butt off even when you're exhausted, showing up as a parent and a wife and a full time breadwinner. I mean, you know, you guys know this. Doing all the right things, trying to control the heck out of everything and still realizing that, why can't I control everything? Meanwhile, the universe is sitting back, ha ha ha, looking at me, laughing, saying, this lady has no trust. Look at her. She's taking our job and she's doing her job. Let her max herself out. She'll figure it out someday. Yeah, and figure it out I did. Through multiple, multiple encounters with broken trust. That's the only way you. Well, I don't want to say that's the only way, but that's the only way. It was particularly effective for me to find out how to become a person who has solid trust. You know, and having a conversation about trust is a little like having a conversation about faith. You have it or you don't. You can't justify it necessarily. There's just a part of you that feels something, that knows something, that can't deny something. And then you ask yourself, does it feel better to have it or not have it? And for me, that's the litmus test. Does it feel better to have it or not have it? Am I better to people around me because I have it or because I don't have it? If the answer. If you're asking this about either faith or trust, it's gotta be, it feels better to have it, and I'm better to other people because I have it, then yes, have it. So I've been. I've been working on my trust for years is what I'm getting at. And I guess you guys are noticing this is a very conversational episode today. Maybe they all are anymore. That's flow dreaming for you, right? If you don't know who I am. Hi, my name is Summer Mixtravic. I've been doing this for 20 years, talking to people, leading them through conversations like this. No, I am not a therapist. Although in hindsight, I may have missed my calling. But I have learned it all through common sense and skilling up and doing thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of spiritual coaching, mindset coaching, manifestational coaching, and just plain old teaching. Okay, there you go. My creds are laid out there for you to see. Let's get back to trust. The trifecta of trust. Moving on. It became clear to me a while back that there Are three areas in our life that we have trust or we don't. Where it's become broken or it's thriving. Most of us have broken trust in one or more areas. Very few of us have solid trust across the board. I wish we all did. If that's you, then come to me and do this. Work with me. Please. I need you. We need to tell everybody. There is trust of self, trust of others, and trust of the universe. By universe, I mean anything that you believe in. Your higher power, God, your higher self, source, whatever you want to call it, future, your life ahead. That's the universe. Broken trust in others is pretty obvious, right? That's the one most of us go to and our therapy centers on. My mom wasn't there for me. I don't have trust that anybody will want me and be there for me when I need them. My partner cheated on me, and I'm devastated. And I don't have trust that anyone else can really hold my heart without breaking it. That's the one we focus on first. And sometimes the broken trust can be really subtle. You know, my whole childhood was filled with broken trust. Broken trust of family members being forgotten, abused, betrayed, left out, broken member with friends, being the weird one, being called names, being actively hated and despised. I went through it for various reasons. Not because I wasn't lovable and wonderful, by the way, I'm joking with you. I went through it because life gave me that early. Because obviously it was going to be something that I would end up talking and sharing about. If you want to heal something, it's got to be healable, right? So it became something that I really had to look at and say, why am I rejected? Why am I not seen or understood or wanted? So I started early with trust of others. I don't know when you started. I'm sure there were certain breaking points, though. So look at yourself right now. What is the trust of others? Like, is that something you want to heal? Now look, you guys. Regretfully, I can't heal all your trust in one podcast episode. In fact, I can't do much at all to heal it. But I can help you see where you need to start doing the work. Like, give you the green light. Like, oh, it's here. Go here. Do that right there. Oh, we found it. We found it. The thing we've been looking for. That's my goal today and to move on from that trust of self. Trust of self. Now, trust of self is funny because some of us who had our broken trust of other people relied on ourselves as a consequence. We were the ones who were that weird kid who was always, like, you know, taking care of their parent. You know what I'm saying? The one who always had to fix things, do things, be aware of things. We relied on ourselves. We never left that. If I want something, I'm gonna have to get it myself. No one's gonna hand it to me. It's gotta be me. No one else. I trust myself. A lot of us became that way. We became strong. Controllers is what I call us again. If I can just control this, then it won't hurt me. It won't come to get me. I can avoid it. The more I control the situation, the more power I have. If I control it, then I can get something. I can finally have this thing. If I control the situation, the more power I have. But as we age, you start to realize that there's other factors out there. People, the universe, life. You gotta trust them. If you only trust you, you're withdrawing responsibility and ability from these other areas of your life to yield you something, to give you something, to help you with something, to be there, to do. The other 50% of the heavy lifting. And those of us who only trust ourselves, we are burned out and tired. We are exhausted. And we realize we need to start repairing our trust in others and in the universe on the opposite. Maybe you don't trust yourself. Maybe you're like, hell, no. Every time I make a decision, it's bad. It leads to terrible things. I don't trust myself. As a result, I'm super stuck, and I don't know what to do next. And even if I did, I probably wouldn't do it because I don't trust myself. And now you know you aren't moving ahead in your life because you don't even trust yourself. And, yeah, we've all made bad decisions. We've all made choices we regret that didn't work out the way we want. But that's okay. Oh, here comes my kitty. You hear the purring? She loves it when I'm recording these. Well, darling, you're gonna have to jump down because she's got her. She's got her little face about 2 inches from the mic right now. It's so adorable. Okay. All right, darling, let's go, let's go. You're gonna hear me throw her to the floor. There we go. Let's see if she stays. All right, where was I? Yes, you will need to regrow your trust in yourself. And, yes, there is a way to do this. It Involves baby steps, by the way. Same is true in regrowing your trust in other people. Baby steps to get there. Now, the last area that I want to canvas is trust in the universe. This is one that we often don't even know is broken. But it takes the form of you saying things to yourself like, oh, it'll just never happen. It's always this way. It never will change. Yeah, that's not in my cards. Ugh, wrong body, wrong life. Get it? Do you hear how powerless every one of these statements is? It's sort of like resignation. Like somehow you're satisfying some need in yourself to know why you can't be, have, or do something. And where do you throw the responsibility on for that? The blame, if you will? You throw it on something outside you that. Like that it's not meant to be. It won't. It can't. It never has. It never will. I ask you, what's the it? Think right now about something in your life you can't have. That's never happened. You've wanted it. It won't. It's broken your heart. It never happens. It never comes. Or when it does, it's always bad. You won't be. You won't get what you need. You won't get your needs met. You never do. Those are all ways of saying that your trust in life and the future is broken. And sometimes it's, I will never meet my perfect partner. I think I hear that one the most. I use that as my example most of the time because I honestly hear that a lot. I will never meet the right person. Why not? Because, Bleh. Life won't give them to me. Because bleh. Just. It's never gonna happen. Why? What is the active force that's separating you that's preventing this from ever happening. I don't know. Luck. Okay, so luck? Is that another way of saying the universe? See where I'm getting at? What happens when we have broken trust with the universe is instead of letting our partner, the universe, help us, give things to us, change us, support us, align things for us. We assume our partner will do none of that. We have to do it all ourselves. And when we end up doing everything ourselves, our world shrinks. The universe becomes. Not the universe, but it becomes your front door and driveway. Your resources shrink exponentially because you don't even believe that there's anything out there kind of helping you, nudging you, putting things into play or place for you. And this is not a way to say, well, God will provide yes. If you are spiritual in that sense, you can say that. But even if you do, I want you to listen. If you say God will only provide sometimes or God will only provide when he wants to, God will only provide if it deems it right. For me, there's still this mitigating factor that says no, God won't provide unless xyz. And often those XYZ factors are totally invisible and unknowable and there's nothing I can do about them. Can you start to see how we're beginning to have a conversation not about trust, but about personal inner power? Well, where is that power going to? Let's get back to this idea that there are three areas of trust in your trust of self, trust of others, trust of the universe. The more you dig into this concept and I really encourage you to, the more you will find some of the biggest roadblocks in your life. When I work with my students and we do this, it is one of the most mind blowing areas. Things just boulders that have blocked you crack open and disintegrate around you. Which is fabulous, except then you have to do the next part. I'm going to rebuild the trust. I'm going to rebuild it and this is a commitment. My friends. I have met and worked with people who have seen where their trust is broken and refuse to rebuild it. Absolutely refuse. Sometimes they don't even know they're refusing, but they say, no, I'm not going to go there again. I'm not going to do that again. That will never happen. Why should I put myself out there? Why should I try that? No, I don't like what I'm hearing. I don't like what you're saying. No. And we stand there at the crossroads. This is where your trust is broken. How can I help you see that? One, you can heal it. Two, healing it will make you stronger. Three, regaining trust will make you stronger, not weaker. Here's where I'm going to circle back to the beginning of today's episode. Exercising my trust this last year has made me stronger. It has awoken me to an idea that when I let go a little bit and just follow the lead of my heart for a while, even to a point where it starts to feel dangerous and uncertain, like I'm neglecting all the things I'm supposed to be doing, would I do that? Things shift and change the way that they are supposed to shift and change. My invisible partner swoops in and I have seen very clear evidence of this. I won't share it with you all. Now, I want to make sure things are a little more buttoned up and secure, but believe me, I will. Let's just say that my time spent writing was very useful. And had I shut my mind and heart to it and said, no, I don't have time for that yet, that's a waste of my time and energy. There's no guaranteed payoff. How do you know anybody will read this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Had I said that, I wouldn't be feeling the way I am right now, which is as I look forward to the next year. There's a difference in me. A part of me is saying, what do you want to do this year, Summer? You can do anything you want. Part of me says, well, you have to do the logical things, things that you know people want from you. Another part of me says, why? Maybe there are new things, things you don't know if people want from you. Are you here to explore life or exploit life? Oh, that puts me in my place. I have to answer. I'm here to explore life. Then do some exploring. Go out there, do some exploring. Trust. So trust for me is the gateway drug to expansion. Hey, can I meme that trust for me is the gateway drug to expansion? We all say, I want to expand. I want to expand. But then when our hearts flutter and we get right up to that expansion point, we say, no, no, no, I need to be safe where I am a little bit longer. Trust says, oh, I'm leaping, I'm jumping. I'm going two feet first. My parachute has been packed by the universe. I am on my way. And that. That's. That's what I'm jumping into. I did it last year and I'm doing it this year. And it means even as I look ahead and pinpoint the emotions that I want to feel. Because believe me, guys, I am flow dreaming. I am manifesting. I am co creating, I'm doing process my practice. I'm doing it all. Just like I said a couple episodes ago in episode 668, I'm doing it all. And I'm doing it because I want to see where life wants to walk with me. Not where I want to walk life, but where it wants to walk with me. What surprises, what joys, what potentials and possibilities it has hiding behind corners for me. And until I throw away my map a little, I won't necessarily find those. That's what trust is. Throw away the map a little bit. I know what my emotional endpoints are. I'm never gonna leave those that's where I'm going. In my flow, when I flow. Dream. I'm feeling successful, happy, connected, joyous, safe, secure, wealthy, healthy, in love with what I do, in love with the people and I work with and the way I spend my time and my family. All of that. Oh, those are there. That's like the guiding principles. Those don't go away. That's the guiding principles. You know, my ten Commandments. But hey, what do you want to put on my path? Life can only answer that. If you've done this work about trust, it can give you something and say, oh, but they don't trust other people yet. Hmm, that one's not gonna work out. Oh, they don't trust themselves to make that decision yet. Hmm, that one's not gonna work out, huh? They don't trust their future, their life, the universe, God, to really have their back, no matter what they're going through, to know that this is the right and divine thing. So, huh, that won't work out. You see how this trust thing is becoming? It is the gateway. It is like I said, you pass through it or you stay behind it. And at a certain point, you figure that out. And I don't mean blind trust. I think that's what makes a lot of us kind of controlling types the most scared. I'm not gonna give blind trust as something that's inherently untrustworthy, risky, and could be terrible. Yeah, I'm like, dude, I wouldn't either. I wouldn't do that. My trust is not blind. My trust has its eyes open. Oh, believe me, I've made sure that I've, you know, taken care of things. I'm in a good space, you know, I'm where I need to be. I'm not going to lose everything. If I trust, I'm not gambling the entire savings account. But there's a level, right? There's that point of where it starts to feel like, ooh, that's getting to be where that's where I want to be. Not, ah, freak out, but right about there, that's the amount of trust. Because that tells me I'm actually trusting. If I don't have a little bit of freak out, then I'm probably not trusting. I'm probably like, oh, I've got this. It's all controlled. I've got it, I've planned it. It's going to happen like this universe, screw off. I'm gonna do this all. So I have to have that little bit of feeling, lets me know I'm there. You guys getting It. I know I make really weird little sound effects, but I think it helps, right? Helps you see. So again, I know that today has been kind of a heavy little opening up, asking you to see yourself. And whatever I've provoked in you, I really want you to take next steps with it. Maybe, I don't know, maybe a seed is good enough. May. Maybe this is all you need to start thinking like, yeah, this is a year. I wanna really open to this. If that's the case, put it out there right now. Hey, universe life. Give me some opportunities to work with my trust, to regrow it and to rebuild it, to learn how. Please, I'm ready. Maybe I've said things that make you realize, damn, she's right. Everything is really backed up behind this big broken area. I'm gonna solve this. I'm gonna go flow straight into it. You know, some people are saying, I want to learn, you know, Italian or Spanish this year, and they're gonna flow full into their Rosetta stone. You can flow full into. I'm going to learn trust this year and flow full into it. Yes, there are ways and programs to do. So get yourself in one life on the other side of that is shimmery and beautiful and balanced. And balanced. But I know as long as you're not trusting, it's hard to hear that you don't trust that even the person who says it's balanced, that it really is balanced. But it is. It really, really, really is. Trust of self, trust of others, trust of the universe. Pick which one you want to start with. Start with all three. Just know that this is a big, big biggie in our lives. And it's a big, big reason why we often really constrain ourselves and play small and don't do things and don't wish for things and reconcile ourselves to things and say, it can't happen, it won't. I'm stuck here. This is the path. I can't get off it. Life is not like that. Life is changing every day, moment by moment. Opportunities arise second by second. The only thing that gets you limited in them is your own mind. It's your own mind. Well, my dears, I'm gonna leave you with some suggestions for how you can work with this. Work on this, grow this, heal this, find the golden coins at the end of the rainbow from this, and believe me, there's a ton. So the resources that I want to point you toward are on my website, flowdreaming.com and one of them is a course I just put out. It's called Finding Freedom and Renewal in Perfect Endings. A lot of what we experience with trust is that when we ended something, it did not go well. So we want to recapture that ending and recast it. Create an ending that feels fantastic. You can find that by going to flowdreaming.com and click on Courses and Classes. Now if you're not ready to take a whole class, I'll recommend that you get the Confident Playlist now. The Confident Playlist at the website. It's not specifically focused on trust, but it is on building your own inner resources. It's a close second. So go check that out. And with that, you guys, I'm going to wrap up today's episode. I really hope it's been an eye opener. I promise I'll do some more light episodes coming, coming forward here in the future. But you know, I just, it's been, it's been on mind for months to do this topic and I'm glad you finally gave me the opportunity to just share it with you. And I thank you so much for spending this time with me as well. If you would like to give back, just go and rate this podcast right now. Go to itunes or Google podcasts and you know, you'll see there's an, there's an opportunity. Rate the show. Just say something. Give it a star, whatever it may be. I'd be truly, truly grateful for that because that is how the words spreads and more people get hooked up with their personal power, with their flow, with their energy and their own resources and trust. Until next time. Love to all of you and I'll see you again for more Flow Dreaming. Hey everyone, thanks for listening today. One request before you go, please rate this podcast either in itunes or tune tunein.com or wherever you listen to it. It'll only take you a minute to do, but your rating there is the number one way that other people discover this show and the more ratings, the more people who will find and get turned on to Flow Dreaming. While you're there, you might also want to download my free Flow Dreaming podcast app. With this app, you can listen to the show anywhere you want on your mobile device, as well as search through listings of all of my episodes and bookmarks your favorites. And if you want to listen to Flow Dreams, actual Flow Dreams on your phone, there's even another app, it's my Player app and it will let you browse and sample Flow Dreams from the shop. There is even an oracle inside of that app to help you see and discover what you need to know most or what Flow dream would be best for you in your life right now. You can find these apps on itunes or in Google or your Amazon App Store. And again, thank you so, so, so much for giving back. Love you. Bye. Bye.