732: Empty Nest, Full Heart: What to Do After Your Kids Move Out

Hi friends. It's summer here and we are about to jump into a return to Flow Dreaming still kind of Woo Woo. I took a summer break, so here's what we're talking about. We are empty nesting. I'm empty nesting, Empty nest, full heart. What do you do after your kids move out? Well, it happened. Both of my kids are in college now. And if you're facing an empty nest yourself now or in the near future, then you'll learn how this moment is pivotal in more ways than just turning empty bedrooms into extra storage rooms. You get to redefine yourself now. You get to pick up lost hobbies and even lost friends. So today we're going to unpack what happens after the empty nest. Flow Dreaming still kinda Woo Woo is just what it sounds like. An escape into the world of woo. Also a ride into you and how to feel happier, wiser and more self aware in every way. It's your ultimate journey into personal growth and inner power. We'll explore ideas like how your energy self influences the kinds of opportunities you encounter, or how your personal growth can drive your business growth, or even how that feeling of being stuck is really always coming from something else. We just have to figure out what. That's right. We're a dash of woo woo. A sprinkle of self care, a heap of problem solving and pattern busting, and a giant cup of encouragement. We're going to relight so much passion, purpose, self love and confidence in you that you practically stagger. I'm Summer McStravik, your host and welcome to Flow Dreaming. Still Kinda Woo Woo. A quick note for newcomers. Flow dreaming is both an energy practice and a way of seeing the world. It teaches you how to manifest, heal and use your emotions to create a sublime life. You'll find over 300 recorded flow dreams which are similar to but not the same as meditations and a free short training@flowdreaming.com this show dives into flow dreaming and other concepts to help you live a more powerful and fulfilling life. Now let's get to the show. Okay, so as I mentioned, I did take a summer break and you could tell there's a few things different about this podcast. Yes, I am now on YouTube and with the podcast and I thought I would try to do it with video, which is kind of awkward for me. So please bear with me as I get my feet wet in this new medium. So I took a summer break unexpectedly and I didn't tell a lot of you, it just sort of happened like I said, because I'm Empty nesting Now, there was a lot going on this summer. There was getting my last child off to college and there was some, I guess you could just say a refilling of my thoughts and ideas and my soul. I felt like I had run out of things to say because my mind was so full of everything else. So I took the last couple of months to let ideas just kind of build back up in me again. And I'm pretty excited because I've got some great episodes here for the rest of the year, including, hey, empty nesting. So, as I mentioned, my son moved out. He was my last one and he's at college now. And it's just my husband and I rattling around in this big old house. I realized right away that I have tons of empty time. Huge, big chunks of empty time. All the rhythms that I had had before got broken. There is no more breakfast in the morning before school. There's no more. Is your homework done? There's no more. Did you study for the test? Can I help you with that paper? There's no more. Are you coming? What time are you getting home and where are you? And it creates this kind of vacuum. And I think anybody who has seen their kids leave has felt this. What it means is that I've been going inside myself and thinking it's like I'm 25 again, except I'm not 25. The things I would have done to fill my time in my life, very rich and vibrant. And a lot of us can remember that maybe you yourself were in school or you just started a new job and you were out there trying to prove yourself and, you know, build something and start this career. Or maybe you were falling in love or maybe that was an era when you got married or maybe you were having kids. All of these things that were happening when I was 25 aren't there to fill the time now. Even, you know, having kids, it's a big life change. Yes, your time suddenly becomes extra full, not extra empty. So when your full time mothering is done, believe me, I know we're never going to be done mothering, but. Or fathering, parenting. When you're parenting your full time parenting is done, it is like a loss. It's funny because there's all these mixed feelings, like it's a sign of success to have launched them, but it's also a time of grief. You did the right thing, the thing you had always intended to do. And if you did it well, they probably are out on their own right now, you know, starting their own first Jobs or making, you know, meeting their own first partner. So it's a weird, strange energy. I'm reinventing myself, but I'm not the person I used to be. And I can't fill it with the things I used to fill it with. And I'm in a state of grief. So I've been talking with a lot of my friends because a number of us have been empty nesting this year. And that's kind of how you often make friends, right? You all had kids at the same time, so they all leave at the same time too. And I've been noticing how different people are coping with this change. So, you know, here in Flow Dreaming, we talk about things from an energetic and spiritual perspective as well as from the, you know, darn straight practical. And this, this episode today is kind of a little bit of both. Some of my friends are going wild with travel. They're feeling like we don't have to worry about the kids at home anymore. We are going to go out and fill the time. And they're, they're going all over the place. They're using up, they're burning through their vacation hours. I have other friends who, like me, we're just playing catch up. We realize that there are so many things in our life and around the house that we haven't been able to get done or that we've back burnered for a long time. Like, I got the roof fixed. Yay. I got the balcony fixed. I have been just repairing things and finishing projects. It's not exciting, it's not exactly sexy, but I feel like I'm just catching up. But I know too that this is not necessarily sustainable. What's gonna have to catch up is actually my identity. This new person that I get to grow into in these new hours of time in the space that's in my mind now. It's not just time. We actually have extra space in our mind and that's where we can start to circle and, you know, feel depressed and think about it's all in the past and I don't even know what I want to do with myself. That's why for me, right now is incredibly important. It's a very, very important phase and it's really not talked about that much. Yes, people talk about menopause a lot and your body changes, but they don't talk about that significant shift when something big feels like it's leaving. Like when you lose a job and you lose your identity along with it, your sense of value and purpose. Like when you lose your health and you realize that you're not infallible, that you need to support that first instead of taking it for granted. When you lose a partnership or you lose a person, you notice this big empty space. But it's not just outside you, it's inside. That is the grief that's inherent in empty nesting. But it's also the moment that we begin to rebuild and we build into something we've never been before, something that we. We're not even sure what it is. I think that's another aspect of this, because life and society keeps giving us things to do next. You know, you move out, you get a house, you get a partner. Maybe you do or don't have kids, you build a career, maybe you go to retirement. But the only thing that's really my next is potentially retirement. And retirement can often also feel like another kind of loss. So things have shifted. And my intention is that what we do is actually excel during this space that we shift and grow into places that we didn't have time for over the last 20 or 25 years when we were parenting. So some of the things that I've been doing to try to explore again, because like I said, the things I was doing when I was 25, I'm probably not gonna. Well, I'm not hanging out at bars till closing time anymore. So I signed up for some drawing classes. I took an eight week course about negative energy. I booked a trip to Mexico. I've been doing art. I made an orb, a fairy orb. That's pretty awesome. It's made of twigs and leaves and it's pretty big too. Maybe I'll be able to bring it into one of these episodes and show you. I'm finishing an oracle card deck that I literally started, I think 18 years ago. I started writing a novel and I took a course in science fiction writing because why not? I joined a gym. I went and cleaned out my mom's junk room. I hired a financial planner. And even as I was making a note to myself of all these things that I've done in the last few months, I'm kind of overwhelmed by it. It's really showing me how I've been trying to stuff my time with things so that I don't have as much time to think and feel. It's often how people handle grief, frankly. They go out and they do stuff. They either go inside or they go outside, fill the time or kind of sink into themselves. And I've been doing the outside things, but again, that's really unsustainable. What I'm really looking for is I want to reach a new plateau where this becomes my time to explore the pieces and parts of me that were always sort of set aside by the mothering and the parenting that I was doing. Now, the pieces that are set aside are often the pieces that we've considered the least valuable, sadly enough. And I want to elevate them into the most valuable, again, least valuable pieces. What I mean by that is we all have to work. Well, many of us have to work. So we do our jobs for, you know, two decades or three decades. We parent. That's incredibly important. We do that for several decades. We keep our partnership together, if we have one. But that's also time consuming. Takes a lot of emotional and physical energy to have a partner and to schedule things together and keep that community, that partnership community rolling. So these things all become our priorities. And the pieces that don't, those are the pieces that I get to be very curious about right now, the pieces that I have minimized or deferred. And this is why often when we empty nest, one of the first questions we ask ourselves is, who do I want to become next? What do I want to be doing? And what's my new purpose? And we actually cannot answer that. We think it's just going to be about diving back into all the fun stuff, but we can't answer that because again, we've deferred it for so long, we've minimized it for so long that we've often completely lost the thread about who we are and what we want to become. So I want to reassure you that if you're feeling like I don't even know what I want to do, like I'm filling my time, too. I've been on a shopping spree, by the way. So have I. I realize, why do I keep buying things that I probably need to pull back on this? It's because I keep thinking if I buy one more thing, it's going to fill something in me. I'm being aware of this. So I'm giving myself time and permission to. To shift and to integrate and frankly, to discover. But I do know there are certain elements that I really want to keep and grow into. Those elements are, this is time for me to discover new things that light me up, new ways of being purposeful in the world. That is a number one. Do I know what those things are precisely? No, I don't. But I get to find them now. I get to explore. So I'm thinking about a client right now. I was talking with about a week ago and she's also empty nested. Recently she decided that this was the time in her life to absolutely, utterly prioritize personal growth for the first time ever. So of course she had to do it up in a big way. She booked a trip to the himalayas, went up 8,000ft, and she got a guru and she consulted me. She is well on her way to doing this and it really got me thinking. I talk about personal growth and I've taught about personal growth for decades now. But doing my own personal growth has been something I've kept up because I can't personally lead without constantly growing. But now I don't have to grow because I'm teaching now I can grow just to see what there is, to see what in life thrills me, what calls to me. And maybe it's not connected to my teaching at all. I don't know. I'm wanting you to leave today's episode with a couple of takeaways. And one of them is this. This is a big reset. You can grieve and you can also take your time in it. You are going to be finding new things about yourself that pop up unexpectedly. And maybe in some cases you will do things that you did in the past. Right. Another client friend of mine took up flute playing again after putting down the flute 30 years ago. 25 years. 20. 20. How old are her kids? Years ago. And now she's out playing in community centers and having concerts again. Maybe that will happen. Maybe it'll be something that you didn't give yourself time or permission or headspace or energetic space to do. Allow those things to flood in. And to do that, I think you should try at least maybe three hobbies. Bring in at least three new things. You heard my list. I went overboard. In hindsight, I've been trying to fill the time so I don't feel the time and it's okay to do that, but it's not sustainable. So I'm going to give myself time to feel the time. But I'm also going to keep bringing in some new elements because I want to discover what I really like and love. The second thing I'd love you to do is to arrange some time with your friends to strengthen those friendships, to reach out to other friends who maybe don't have children. And they've always been in this phase. Right. They're going to be able to help you along a lot. Maybe reach out to your friends who are also empty nesters and ask them, hey, what do you what do you do with yourself? What, what lights you up. And you're going to be invited to pickleball and you're going to be invited to yoga and you're going to be invited to the next girls trip or guys persons trip. Bring that community back into your life because that is the tribe we love to think our partnerships will last a lifetime and for many of us they do. But there's an old saying that your friends are really there for you forever. You know all those Internet memes about the two old ladies, you know, yucking it up and drinking vodka and telling each other how wild they are still at 92. There's a lot of, there's a lot of real truth in that. So this is your time to reach out. And if you don't have friends like that, it's time to build some friends like that, some people that you can go the long term with. Next. I want you to acknowledge this is a real stage and it's filled with grief and it's filled with growth. Remember that good things can also make you grieve. Sounds so counterintuitive. But if that's what you're feeling right now, that's what I'm feeling right now too. And then finally, I want you to consider doing some massive self care, really digging into it. It's something that I am prioritizing. As I mentioned, one of my clients is prioritizing and that means picking up things that you minimized all of these years or deferred. In my case, I joined the gym, getting back to my body again. In my case, my flow dreaming practice is escalating. My practice, not that I do for others as I guide people and read them and so forth, but my own personal practice, what I'm doing for myself. So to help you in that journey, in case you are curious about what kind of flow dreams you can do, one of my favorites is called More Options. Please. When you float room around the concept of more options, what you're saying to the universe is I'm coming in here to manifest and create, but I don't know what I want to manifest and create. You're saying to the universe, essentially everything that's currently on my table is not what I want. And that is perfectly okay to say because everything that's currently on your table is a result of where you've been. And where you've been is frankly a stage of your life that you just left. So it would make sense that the current options around you are not necessarily the ones that fit you or you want anymore. So the flow dream to do should focus on bringing those feelings of I have a lot of options. A lot of beautiful and new things are coming into my life. I am getting to pick and choose. I'm getting to taste and try. This feels delightful. I'm going to every different restaurant in town and getting to discover which ones fit me. Give me some new things that I haven't seen or explored or don't even know about yet. So that's number one, what I do with my flow. I do a flow dream like that and that's one I've been working on. Now there's another one that I'd love for you to consider and it surrounds the idea of having gorgeous New Directions. Right? Reawaken me to gorgeous New Directions. This is similar to more options please. But it has more of a purposeful intention to it. Like not only do I want to have more things come that I can pick from, but I want this direction to start developing around me, to swarm me with this direction, this purpose and make it something easy for me to fall into and drop into. I don't want to have to work too hard to find it. I want life to come up and swoop me in it. So for those of you who know that I have these flow dreams as recorded flow dreams. You can find both of these@flowdreaming.com in fact, the more options please one is there for you as well as gorgeous New Directions playlist. You can find both of those there and I really encourage you to get them and begin working with them. Use them as crutches, use them as energetic supports to help you move through this time. And especially because they're not expensive, it's kind of a no brainer to give yourself that extra edge. And finally, I invite you to my mastermind. I mean join a circle of soul sisters and brothers. And every month in our mastermind we're getting together to Flow dream. We're getting together to do beautiful rituals and you get access to 36 other courses that I have and several of those are specifically about reinvention and moving through this. So that ends up my thoughts on this empty nest. And you guys, I'll keep you posted. I'll let you know how the process goes over the course of really the next year. I'm giving myself a very long on ramp to this phase and I'm especially being mindful of when the slowdown comes and I have less stuff to catch up on, less stuff to fill my time with. My projects are done the house is clean. You know, I've adopted my two new cats. That is also on my checklist to do right lose two kids, get two cats. I'm gonna let you know what happens when I reach that point because I have a feeling it's going to be another big turning point. And what it will show me is how much have I filled my life with rich new other things and how well is it working. And I'm either going to feel delighted and elated or I'm going to feel unsure and deflated. Remember, in the world of Flow Dreaming, our emotions are constantly giving us information and there is no good or bad emotion to feel. Every single one is a signal, It's a signpost and it's speaking to you, saying, huh, that worked or, hmm, that didn't work. So I'm going to be very mindful when I get to that point and I'm going to use that to see if I need to adjust course or if things are doing great. So to all of you, boy, I sure hope to see some of you in the Flow Dreaming. Brotherhood, Sisterhood, come to the mastermind, come to the live workshops with me. And above all else, please keep Flow Dreaming. Please keep your practice and then give yourself time and grieve because you are going to find your way through this. I promise. I promise. All right, I'll see you all next time for another episode of Flow Dreaming. And if you liked this new format, if in fact you are watching this on YouTube, drop me a little comment saying, I see it and I like it, or wow, Summer, that was crazy awkward. I've got thick skin. But do, do let me know if you found it enjoyable. Okay, see you all next time. Bye, everybody. I love the opportunity to work with you one on one because this is where I see the most remarkable growth in my clients. When we work privately, it's more than coaching. It's mentorship, energy, work and intuitive guidance. And what I offer, well, it kind of goes beyond coaching. Together we'll access insights and information you wouldn't typically have, leading to real transformation. We'll start with a life assessment. What you desire, where you've been and where you're going. Then we'll align your desires with the universe with a personalized flow dream that you can use over and over. You start with an introductory private session or. Or a deep dive. Or of course, we can work together. Ongoing. Visit flowdreaming.com and search for private sessions. Or just reach out and email me. I can't wait to meet you.