BONUS: Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs with Guest JM Reyerson

What's holding you back? Do your beliefs actually fit you or do they end up making you miserable? Well, delve into these self limiting beliefs and the power of self care with me and my guest, JM Ryerson. JM's passion is to help people develop the inner qualities that will move them to their next level of success. And with that in mind, today you're going to hear how enhancing your vulnerability, practicing your courage and developing other very specific aspects of yourself is crucial to your own leveling up.

Are you ready?

Let's Go Flow Dreaming Still Kinda Woo Woo is just what it sounds like. An escape into the world of woo. Also a ride into you and how to feel happier, wiser and more self aware in every way. It's your ultimate journey into personal growth and inner power. We'll explore ideas like how your energy self influences the kinds of opportunities you encounter, or how your personal growth can drive your business growth, or even how that feeling of being stuck is really always coming from something else. We just have to figure out what that's right. We're a dash of woo woo. A sprinkle of self care, a heap of problem solving and pattern busting, and a giant cup of encouragement. We're going to relight so much passion, purpose, self love and confidence in you that you practically stagger. I'm Summer McStravik, your host and welcome to Flow Dreaming. Still Kinda Woo Woo. Welcome to today's episode where I do have the delightful J.M. ryerson with me. He is a leadership and performance coach, an international spiritual speaker, and host of the let's Go Win podcast. He's also the author of the books let's Go Champions, Daily Playbook and Upgrade. James been building companies and leading sales teams for over 20 years and he's the founder and CEO of Let's Go Win, whose mission is to increase leadership and help teams achieve peak performance. Now, before we dive into our delightful conversation with jm, I just wanted to extend a hello to everyone out there. Thank you for listening today. If this is your first episode of.

Flow Dreaming, still kind of Woo woo.

I occasionally drop in interviews like this, but many of my shows are solo episodes where I teach and go deep into certain ways we can uplevel ourself, manifest and heal. With that in mind, I do want to invite you to the Flow Dreaming Mastermind. You can find that at my website, flowdreaming.com where we get together every month and we do some pretty exciting, fun and intense workshops together along with, well, all the other teachings that surround Flow Dreaming. So reach out to me, drop me a Note. I'm@SummerFlowDreaming.com and of course, if you ever want to dabble with working together one on one again, just reach out. Well, with that, let's jump right on in and have this beautiful conversation with jm. It's sure to get your mind spread, spinning with ideas about how am I going to tackle some of these self limiting beliefs inside myself.

Here we go. Jm it's so lovely to have you with me today and have another wonderful conversation with you.

Well, Summer, thank you for having me. You were awesome on my show. So every time I get to be around you, I have your book to my right. It always just fills me up. So. So thank you. I'm humbled to be here.

Oh, that's sweet. Sweet. Likewise. I have your book too, and I can't wait to ask you a whole bunch of questions about it, starting with the ones that really caught my eye as I was perusing through. I've noticed now your book, I have to say, is the same name as your podcast, let's Go Win. I noticed right off the bat that every chapter outlines a quality that you're suggesting we practice or instill, like vulnerability, simplicity, humility, accountability, courage. And you go through them one by one and give us, you know, ideas and, and confidence and encouragement and expressing those of all the qualities that you put in here. Well, first of all, why did you do it that way? And which of these do you feel is sort of the hardest for us to grasp or create in ourselves?

Yeah, so it's a good question. And I actually wrote the book for my two sons. That's why it's, it's laid out the way it is. Because I wanted if, for whatever reason, if I was, you know, hit by a bus, I wanted my kids to know what philosophies that my wife and I had in terms of lessons I've learned from my parents and grandparents and mentors and authors. So that's why it was lined out in terms of the most challenging. I, you know, I started with vulnerability, and I did that very strategically because I was raised in Montana and I was raised that boys don't cry, which is terrible advice, by the way. It's literally terrible advice. So I wasn't really vulnerable in the beginning stages of my career and in life. And when I made that choice to work really authentically, show up as me, no matter what it was, man, did life become so much easier and businesses grew faster, relationships were more fulfilling. So I would say that's the one that probably scares people the most. And even when I started lining out the book, I'm like, you're going to start with vulnerability? Really? And yeah, that's what I wanted my kids to know, that your emotions, they're not right or wrong, they're yours. They're literally yours. So they're just. No one can tell you that they're right or wrong just to be who you are and authentically be that.

Yeah, I noticed that vulnerability was almost first or first. And courage is actually, I think your second to last chapter. And it's an interesting contrast because for me it's almost like their bookends. Vulnerability is courageous. Courage is often. They're almost the same thing, yet we somehow separate them. Like courage is going out on the battlefield and vulnerability is being soft and possibly crushed. But they work together, I think.

Yeah, no, no doubt about it. And the hope is that all of the book actually comes together so that these are applicable in all of them. I totally agree with you. Showing vulnerability takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Vulnerable. And actually I ended the last three chapters with courage, fun and transcend. Now transcend is that big word that I am so passionate about to really transcend self limiting beliefs. But that word, some people, I've noticed, they don't. It doesn't resonate with them the same way that it does for me. But I wanted my kids to know, like no matter what, maybe self limiting beliefs that my wife and I have given you and that you've inherited, that you can be anything that you want to be. So yeah, it's so true. And I say in the book, courage is like a muscle. It gets stronger the more you use it. And I really think that's applicable with all of these. The more you use vulnerability, the stronger you're going to get at it and you'll see how much more fulfilling it is.

Yeah, yeah. Speaking of self limiting beliefs, I know that my audience has a pretty good idea of what that is because we talk about that a lot. Lack thinking, self limiting beliefs, you know, inner limitations. When you kind of get started on your journey or I don't even even now on your journey. Like we're always working through these. What ones in particular did you see in yourself and did you notice that those were common for. For others as well?

Yeah, the big one for me was money. That was the one that I noticed straight away where I was like, wow, you really don't feel good about the fact that. So I made 20 at 27 years old. I made seven figures for the first time in a year. And A, again, being a kid from Montana, I never thought I'd make that amount of money. And B, when I looked in the mirror, I didn't feel good. And I thought, that's such an odd thing to not feel good about doing something that most people would strive for. And I realized how much emotion I had tied into this thing, which is just. It's a thing, right? Money is just something that you create and you can go do some amazing things with. And I've realized that. But in the moment it took me back to when my dad and I would drive by the country club and he would say, oh, that's for the pretty people, or somehow making money was a negative thing. And so I associated that. And when I started to make more than what I guess I expected to, I started to feel kind of bad about myself. I've come to realize, you know, through work and lots of development. That's crazy. I mean, it really doesn't make any sense, but that's, that's was really ingrained from my dad to me, my grandfather to my dad, his, his father from. So it went like four generations deep. And what I finally realized is, wait a minute, I'm thinking like they were thinking in the early 1900s. That doesn't make any sense. That's literally generational gunk that I've taken on. And so. Yeah, and I have noticed that with other people as well. So I always ask three questions. Is that true? Why do you believe that? And how's that showing up in your life? And I do, to your point, Summer, we are always evolving. I ask that question of myself all the time because I'll say something that's out of character and I'm like, wait a minute, is that true? Why do I believe that? And how's that showing up by playing small or whatever the thing is in that moment. So, yeah, unfortunately, self limiting beliefs are very, very apparent in most people's lives. But overcoming them can be, can be a task.

Yeah, I'm always asking that question, is that my belief or is that someone else's that I just picked up and took on as if it were my own? And I end up asking that question because something about the belief is not settling with me. There's something that makes me unhappy with it or feel guilty about it, or there's some negative emotion attached and it's, it's kind of a clue to me, like, you know, that may not be fitting. You, you were gifted, that you were Given that someone told you to believe that and think like that. But let's step back and see if that really belongs to you. And it kind of opens up my mind to ask myself, why am I believing what I'm believing about this?

So yeah, it's such a good process. I mean, and to your point, we inherit so much of this. It's so my kids, I've literally, they've said the same affirmation every single day of their life before they go to sleep because I wanted them to know that they are all these amazing things, that they truly are. No matter what the outside world or even if I said you, you're not, I don't know that you're not smart somehow. If I were to say that to them, it's like, no, you are. You are so confident and strong and intelligent, athletic, good looking, dynamic, popular, talented, independent boy with a growth mindset. That's what they've said every day. And it's been cool to watch them really, you know, grow into that and know that that is who they are, no matter if the world says you're ugly or you're fat or whatever. And it's happened to my kids and they had a great responses, which is, I'm not, I'm all these amazing things.

I love that, I love that. Going back to. I want to follow up also on what you talked about money, because I agree with you. A lot of our self limiting beliefs show up there because it can, it can create such a pain point in our life. Now your experience is probably atypical. Not Everybody is making seven figures in their early 20s. But the same phenomena happens. You realize that I became successful and I mistrusted the success. Only, only selfish people are successful. Only people who are uncaring about others are that way. So you could see you got a whole bunch of enlightenment around that. What I typically see more with people is they're struggling to make money. They're not even reaching that. And they say I really, really want it and I need more. But then there's a limiting belief baked into that too, why they can't even get there. What have you seen as far as limiting beliefs around that? The opposite side?

Yeah, it's. I watch these executives, whether they've made a ton of money or, or not, but typically they've made all this money and then they think, oh, somehow it was an imposter. I, I didn't really create that and somehow it's going to go away. And I'm like, wow, if you've done it once, you can do it again and again and again. Like, that's just thinking abundantly. I. The moment you said the people that. That don't think they can do it, I thought of this gentleman named Tim. And when I met Tim, he was from Michigan. I think he had made, like, $27,000 a year was his most ever. And he was totally comfortable with that. And I was like, okay, cool. But I could see this kid was dynamic and talented. And I said, look, I just want you to. To trust me and. And put down a number that you never think you could hit. And he wrote down 150,000 in a year. And his first year, he went Far past, I think, 163, if I remember correctly. And it wasn't about the money at all. That was cool to see the confidence that he could put something down on paper, put it away, and literally go achieve it. Well, then you could see in all aspects of his life, his relationships became so much more whole. His. The way his gait when he walked, you could just see this confidence, because all the things that he was told from friends and parents and people that he trusted when he was young, that was their insecurities.

And.

And to watch Tim grow into the amazing leader that he was, it was one of the most fulfilling. And, you know, that's just one gentleman I remember. But, gosh, it's so fulfilling as a leader to watch somebody else overcome those.

Yeah. Yeah. When you start working with somebody to find these limiting beliefs, where do you usually begin? Is it coming from, like, an obvious pain point, or are you kind of digging around and saying, hold on, I'm spotting something else?

Yeah. It's so many questions, you know, when you ask them, what are we looking to accomplish? What are you really shooting for? You'll notice in their. In their verbiage, as I'm sure you've noticed, for sure. It's. They'll say things, and it's just like, I write it down, no judgment. And then I'll circle back and just say, hey, I want to go back to this. And you mentioned, oh, if I could just. Or someday if I could reach this, or I can't be the best dad and the best executive. I've heard that so many times. And I'm like, okay. And again, no judgment. Can I ask you, why do you believe that? When they'll sit there and is that true? And then I literally go through the three questions, and I'm not saying they have a revelation where they're like. But they'll say, wait, I don't know why I believe that. And then they'll start digging into, well, my dad or mom was away while, you know, doing that thing. And so I have to be the same way. Oh my gosh, Summer. That is one of the big ones. I am going to be this because of genetics. That one drives me absolutely bonkers because I'm like, you have way more control and outcome in your life. You are not predestined to be, I don't know, heavy or have cancer or heart attack. I'm like, if you believe that, you're right, it's going to happen, but it doesn't have to be your destiny. So I see that so often. It's really that fixed mindset where we inherited this belief. And it's like, I don't know where that started, but I love for it to stop.

Yeah, yeah. It almost makes me want to run out and tell everybody. Do an exercise right now. Put down a whole bunch of beliefs that you hold that you don't particularly like. Then ask yourself your three questions. Who gave this to me? Does it belong to me? Why should I believe it? That, yeah, I kind of want to do it now. I'll do it after. I'll do it after we talk. Your, your, your, your, your work reminds me of Byron. Katie, I'm sure you're familiar with her. You know her, her work also focuses around really overturning, toppling some of the assumptions that we make about ourselves and, and our lives and, and one of those assumptions, just to switch gears a little bit, is I can take care of myself, but I'll do it last, you know, and I know that you have, you place a lot of emphasis on self care as part of this process. It's not all just hard work and dig up your beliefs. It's take care of yourself along the way. Tell me about your self care.

Mine's pretty significant. I spent about two and a half hours every morning taking care of myself first because in order for me to show up as the best husband, the best father, the best employer, whatever hat I'm wearing, I have to take care of my, myself. And I really noticed this with my female clients. I will ask a question, Summer, hey, can what are you doing for yourself? And they'll look back at me. I said, no, what did you do for yourself this morning? And they'll list the, the husband, the, the, the kids, the dog, the house, the car, the email, the work. I mean, the litany of stuff they say. And I said, can I just, let's Go revisit the question. What are you doing for yourself? And that's when a light bulb kind of goes off and they're like, oh. And, you know, if you think about it, the airplane analogy, we've all heard it when, if in case of an act, when the air comes down, you have to put on yourself first, not on your kids. Well, it's the same thing in life. You have to take care of yourself first. Otherwise there's a real shelf life and you're not going to be there for them long term. And I generalize saying females, but I've just noticed when they have that maternal, it's, I'm going to take care of everyone else first. And somehow that's justified and that's okay. And the truth is, it's the most selfish thing that you can do. So for me, yeah, it's an extensive two and a half hours and I do it every day because it makes me feel good. It makes me be able to show up and be that best version of me.

I agree that a lot of we women particularly put ourselves last. And it is a subtle message that we have received since birth. Be selfless. If you take care of others, then you are a good person and a good being. And yet we then kind of take that to an extreme because there's no other real model for us to follow if we start to shine and see, stand out and we are top of our class and, you know, we're. We're doing things that seem like they're benefiting ourselves more than others. There's a subtle shaming that often comes along with that. And, you know, it really starts to come out once you are old enough and you're in the work world and you're trying to either, you know, climb in your company or grow a business. And you realize I'm trying to do something for me, but I have to always do things for everybody else first. And. And the schism starts to arise and you end up not being able to build anything well, to do anything well until that's resolved. And I see that play out a lot as well. I 100% agree with you.

It is wild. The conditioning, I guess, is what it would be because the neighborhood we live in now, the fact that if my wife works and isn't just a lady that lunches, and I don't mean that, look, if that's your life, good on you. But there's such judgment if she works in a negative way. And I found it fascinating because I believe that everyone wants to be Happy. My. My sister, for example, she literally has chosen to be a mom that over her career, she has four amazing kids now. She could have literally been CEO of top 100 company. No question. She's brilliant. And it's not because she's my sister. I think she got 35 out of 36 on her acts and some astronomical SAT. She's brilliant, but she made the choice that I want to be a mom first, and I applaud her for it. That's what was really important to her. My wife, totally opposite. When she was home with the kids, we had some real marital challenges because she wasn't getting what she needed. And so I. What. I guess my point is I find it interesting how other women in this scenario will tear you down on both sides. Oh, you shouldn't be working. You should be taking care of the kids, or, oh, you should be working. And I just. I don't understand it. Why don't we just applaud people when they're happy and say, hey, good job. I'm. I'm happy for you that you found your purpose in life. That's it.

I agree. I always think that I model for my kids, what it's like to show up and be an attentive parent. But I've also built my own company that allows me to go to their, you know, their soccer games when they were younger and, you know, take them out when they need to be dropped off someplace. I purposely created that flexibility, so they're seeing me kind of serve the world and. And kind of light my own heart up with the work I do, and they're seeing me take care of them, and I'm. I'm trying to show them you actually can do both. And, you know, your father does it, and of course I do it. You know, what's. What's the big deal about it? But you know what's so interesting? I actually had a very bizarre. I don't even want to call it a coaching session. It was supposed to be a coaching session with a coach whose name I will not reveal. And they laid into me that I was a terrible parent because I worked. And it was the most shocking thing I've encountered in years. I even wrote a blog post about it and sent it out to everybody that it reminded me just what you're saying. This exists out there, and sometimes I tend to forget it because I'm living in the bubble of this life that I've created. But, yeah, yeah, it's.

It is fascinating, and I don't understand it right it's, it's, again, it's just their own conditioning and limiting beliefs. And it is fascinating, though, how much judgment comes along on both sides. And that's. I guess the, the point is. And what I hope my kids and anybody that reads my book gets is I really want them to authentically be them, just like you authentically are there for your kids and built this incredible company. It's like. And by the way, if you chose to just do one or none, great. As long as you're happy and authentically being your best self, fantastic. And no one else can tell you any different. They will. Oh, I've been told a million things. What I am. And, and you know what I always say. Thank you. Maybe you can give me an example how it could show up differently. And that's it. And that's how I take all feedback or criticism is thank you. It doesn't mean they're right. It's just their opinion. And that's cool, man. You can have that.

Yeah. Yeah. So going back to this lengthy morning routine, I got to say, you're. You, you. You top the cake on that one. I don't know anybody else who does two and a half hours. What do you do? What. What's. What works for you, and how did you discover which pieces work for you? Try a whole bunch of things out, because a lot of people, they don't have the time to invest two and a half hours. But if you're. I'm assuming that because you are successful that you determine that. That two and a half hours is probably the best two and a half hours you could spend in your day.

Well, I do think it is. Now, my wife will tell you, she continues to say, let's, let's reduce this. Let's figure out a way to reduce it. But I have found Summer, this particular routine, which includes my breathing, my yoga, my meditation, my journaling, reading, brain games, working out all the ways I fuel my body. It includes walking the dog, some of the things I'm listening to. So that's. That all goes into the routine. But I will tell you, I don't coach that. I coach people to do 15 minutes. I'm like, take care of five minutes for the mind, five minutes for the body, and five minutes for your soul. That's the overall where I started. But what happened is I just kept adding and saying, oh, how does that feel? Like this yoga practice, it's probably been the last year. And I, I notice the days that for whatever reason, if I can't get the Entire thing in, I don't feel as good. And it's, it's just I, when I try to check in because we're very intuitive, right. Our bodies will tell us what feels amazing. And I've just found something that really, really fits for me. So, you know, it's that season of life and my kids are older so I, I have the time to do more of that than when they were young. But I would say overall, if somebody's listening, you don't need that time. You literally, if you take care of your mind, your body and your soul for 15 minutes a day, that's all I coach on you. I. Fantastic. Because it's probably 15 minutes more than you were doing prior.

Yeah, 100% for a lot of people I talk to as well. You know, one thing you've been mentioning over and over is your kids, right. This, this entire time we've been talking and it's making me think how when I, when I coach people and work with people, I'm often saying the personal growth you're doing for yourself, you're doing for more than just you. As you become a finer and more beautiful and more generous and more forgiving and more internally strong, et cetera person. You're modeling this for your children. They are watching, they are seeing you prioritize your own personal development. And that is what you are actually teaching them. And it shifts the thinking from, oh, this personal growth stuff is so selfish. And it's just for me and I don't have time for it into instead being this is probably the most important thing that I could do do not just for myself but for my entire family. I feel like that's, that's your perspective as well.

Yeah. If you were to ask. And actually I have this thing when I was in six, I was six years old, excuse me. I guess it would have been first grade. What do you want to be when you grow up? And I said a dad. So I literally have wanted to be a dad my entire life. Now. I didn't realize the journey that you're talking about until much later because I started this personal growth, I think at about 20, 21 years old where I really started consuming this stuff. But once my kids did come along and, and I wanted to know more, not to your point, not just for me, but for them. I make mistakes and I don't look at it like a mistake because it's a learning thing that I can hopefully teach them that they can avoid someday and to share this with them. Like my 17 year old has been meditating religiously for the last 5 years. And there was a moment where I, you know, I would kind of, you know, coach him and be a part of it. Now I don't. He. It's. It's him. And he's kind of developed his own routine. So it's, it is fun. And then I watch him sharing with his friends kind of what he's doing. And it's why I named my company what I did, because I didn't name it JM Ryerson. As much as the marketing people are like, just, let's go, J.M. ryerson. It'll grow faster. I was very clear, like, no, this is bigger than me. This is. This is a philosophy. And I hope my kids someday want to take the company over. That is my hope. If they choose to, fantastic. If they don't, no problem too. But you're right. I think you're absolutely right. There is no amount of time that I can pour into me because now it's not just me benefiting. It's my kids, it's my wife, my clients, everyone that I influence. Hopefully they get a piece of that.

Yeah. And they get the finest piece of you that you've been able to craft, which is a gift. It says, I value you. I'm going to give you the very best that I've created of me is the way that I also kind of look at it.

Yeah. It is one of those things where I, you know, and I. It won't be the first time people have heard this, but the one investment you can make that will incalculable returns is investing in yourself. Every year for your self development, I'll put a budget. And every year I have more than doubled it every year. It drives my wife crazy. She's like, why do you even budget? I'm like, I don't know. I just. Maybe it's. Maybe that's my mark of like, oh, you are limiting your thinking there. Let's. Let's go a little bit more. But yeah, I hope people hear that, like, continue to invest in yourself because you are so worth it.

Yeah. J.M. thank you. I want to share with people again. Your book is called let's Go Win the Keys to living your best life. And you have a fabulous podcast as well by the same name. Is there anything else you want to share where people can find you and kind of follow more of what you think and how you approach things?

Yeah. Well, a go listen to the let's Go Win podcast with Summer because she crushed it. It was Amazing. I would also say let's go win.com there's free resources there, Work life balance, you know just it's, it's there, there's a free ebook if they want to check that out. And then the most traction I have social media wise would be Instagram at let's go win365DM me. I love to interact with people and Summer, thank you for having me. You're awesome and I appreciate you.

Oh thank you so much. Yeah, this was delightful. I even as you said you mentioned the work life balance, I'm like oh, that's a whole other conversation we didn't even touch on but we kind of got there a little bit as you know going into the self care and so on. So thank you so much. Jam. I hope you have sparked some good thoughts in people's minds. Like yeah, I do need to get back to my morning routine or my evening self care time and or what are my beliefs? Do they really belong to me? Are they right? Do I feel that I should hold them any longer? A lot of good stuff come coming from this today. Thank you so much.

Foreign. And there we have it. The lovely JM Ryerson of let's Go Win. I hope that inspired you to start thinking a little more about your own personal self care as well as all of those beliefs that we are holding.

Tight to us and running our lives with.

And of course I hope to see you for the next episode of Flow Dreaming.

Still kind of woo woo. Until then, much love to you and.

I hope you have a beautiful day. I love to work with you one on one. I get to see the most exponential growth. And those of you who work with me privately every month, I'm part co, part mentor, part energy worker and intuitive. What I do is beyond traditional coaching in many ways since I add in all kinds of information you wouldn't normally have access to and the results speak for themselves. I have hundreds of glowing testimonials you can read for yourself at my website or just reach out and ask me. We begin working together with an assessment of your life, what you want and where you've been, where you're going. We focus deeply on patterns, blocks and what you plan to achieve or become next within yourself and within your life. Last, we're going to carry your desires right into the heart of the the universe by Flow Dreaming together. As I lead you in every session with a personalized customized Flow Dream, you're going to end up with dozens of these plus a plan. Now you've got two options. You can either take me for a test run with an introductory private session.

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