https://www.listennotes.com/e/7706a49671d0451eb8540cbdab65e9c3

Being an empath where and when my boundaries fail the most. That's what we're talking about today. If every person is an open book to you, how do you keep your own inner boundaries together? So I'm going to be sharing where the boundaries blur between you and me, or you and whoever I'm reading and how many of us respond when that happens. As in we feel guilty, we capitulate, we feel confusion, we withdraw. Today gets a peek in the mind of a practicing empath and I hope that you'll also think about skilling yourself up in this beautiful art. Now let's go.

Flow Dreaming still kinda woo Woo is just what it sounds like. An escape into the world of woo. Also a ride into you and how to feel happier, wiser and more self aware in every way. It's your ultimate journey into personal growth and inner power. We'll explore ideas like how your energy self influences the kinds of opportunities you encounter, or how your personal growth can drive your business growth, or even how that feeling of being stuck is really always coming from something else. We just have to figure out what. That's right. We're a dash of woo woo. A sprinkle of self care, a heap of problem solving and pattern busting, and a giant cup of encouragement. We're going to relight so much passion, purpose, self love and confidence in you that you practically stagger. I'm Summer McStradick, your host and welcome to Florida. Flow Dreaming still kind of woo woo.

Hey friends, Summer here. Glad to be with you as always and glad to be back and getting my, my, my wings wet in this new season that we are just barreling into for the year. Flow Dreaming is in its 21st season. That is 21 years of consistent new episodes and broadcasting. Yes, this show began back in 2005 when I developed Hay House Radio I for Louise Hay at the time and I was doing a co hosted show with Dr. Wayne Dyer and said hey, you know, I kind of want to do a show of my own because after all I'm the network producer so I'm going to give myself a show. I know, I know, but I'm so glad I did because I have found it to be a gorgeous way to carry on a conversation over all these years. And in fact this morning I was laying in bed. I don't know why. Of course I was thinking about my podcast, the first thing that one of my eyes opened and I was thinking how, you know, the first 10 years are behind a paywall, but it's an absurdly low Paywall, like you could step over it, like stepping over a chipmunk. That's like two bucks. But if you have, if you listen to this on Apple or itunes, you can find a subscription to the first 10 years. And the reason it came up in my mind is that it's a very humbling thing to put yourself out into the world for 20 years every week and let people see inside your brain and your thinking and let them see how you evolve and change and get older and grow. Even the sound of my voice has changed, even the pacing of my words have changed over the years. So if you're, if you're curious about younger me still talking about these ideas, but from a 20 years ago perspective, as, you know, beginning a journey, middle journey. I don't want to say I'm late stage journey. I'm not that old yet, but you know what I'm saying? Go check it out. Check out the subscription. The subscription. Anyway, that, that was an aside I didn't mean to go into today. I really want to just focus on where my boundaries fail. The biggest struggle I've had being empathic in my life, being intuitive, being able to read people and places and spaces and minds and animals and people who are embodied or disembodied. To me, it's all the same thing. It's just a consciousness. And I reach out and I talk to it and I feel it. That's it. In whatever form or shape or color or texture or whatever it may be in, it's just a consciousness. And I find that all the physical aspects of a color and a shape and a texture and a form, they change. It's just they. They change and evolve and change. And that's what it means to be a, you know, an ancient being, frankly, or an eternal being, if you will, which happens to be part of my, you know, beliefs. So I'm. I'm switching at this point in my career. I've been teaching manifesting and Flow Dreaming for decades. I'm still teaching it. I still work with my clients. I still help people create. But I'm refocusing on another angle, another aspect, which is knowing what to focus on, knowing how to find the patterns, knowing how to read the underlying language of the universe. So that is where this series of the Born empath and being empathic episodes are coming from. In fact, Born Empath, my new program, 22 classes long, plus I'm probably going to have some bonus classes. I might have some other of my fellow intuitives step in and maybe even give some Give some direction or teachings. It's starting. It's starting right away. So if you would like to go on this journey with me and see how this can really affect your life, just reach out summerlowdreaming.com I'll let you know when and where and all the details and. Or go to my website, flowdreaming.com. okay, enough on that. Let's get back to the actual topic where my boundaries fail. So many of us who are empathic. And I'm going to Reference episode number 719 about being with a narcissist. Let's see which one. What was that called again? Oh no, I'm sorry, it's not 7:19. Well, I should probably re record this whole thing, but I'm not going to 7:18. 7:18. Why narcissists love empaths. Some of this is drawn from that. But it's not just narcissists. It's how we as empaths kind of get rolled over, taken advantage of, back burnered, overlooked, used. You can use all those words, basically disempowered. I discovered that because I have a natural affinity to change my spots to match my surroundings. Right. You know, the old chameleon can't change its spots. Or it can change its spots. Does it matches whatever you put it into? Some octopus do that too? As a matter of fact. But it's a survival mechanism. We acclimate, we align to the energies of those around us. It's habit. We do it without thinking, and then pretty soon we're thinking like that person. We're feeling like that person. And I get so many requests and talk to so many people and they say, can you help me not be around this negative person so much? Their negativity is rubbing off. But I'm like, yes, because you are a chameleon. You woke up this morning happy. You heard from your mom, and now you feel like crap because she just gifted you some of her crappy feelings for the day. And you are a chameleon. And you match them so perfectly and wonderfully because you're such a good daughter. Let's stop doing that. So that's the first thing I want you to recognize that you have this natural ability. And it's not a disability, it's an ability. It is wonderful. It allows us to flow through situations, read stuff if we're trusting ourselves. Right. The last episode I did was all about trust. But it allows us to flow through different places and spaces and really get what's going. Like, really know. Well, for starters, One of the things I noticed is that we empaths, while we tend to naturally acclimate or align with other people, we often do so from a very sympathetic level. Literally, if you're walking in someone else's moccasins, you feel them, you feel what they're feeling. If they're bummed out, if they're upset, especially by something you did or said or could do, you feel it before you even do the thing, you know how your actions are going to translate to that person. Now I'm going to just contrast this. A normal non empathic person or somebody who has not ever developed the skill at least they're going to just do the thing and let the chips fall where it may. They're going to let the other person be responsible for their feelings and they're going to express their own. And it's going to feel like a one to one kind of equation. Here's what's happening with us. We're a two to one equation. One, there's a thing that I need and feel, but I'm anticipating already how you're going to feel when I tell you how I need to feel. And I don't like that feeling. And I already have a feeling I don't like. Right. Because I'm going to tell you something that is hurting me. So now I've got two layers of hurt. The other person potentially only has one. Empaths like us draw back from that. We draw back. I often used to wonder why everybody else would go to those slasher movies. I mean, okay, I'm a kid of the 80s and 90s and you know, Freddy Krueger and Nightmare on Elm street, all of that. And I remember going with friends and I would put on my Walkman, oh my God, I'm dating myself so badly right now. I'd put on my Walkman and I would listen to music while everybody else is watching the film, just so I could be part of the group. But I was like, I can't feel that when I'm watching that on screen. I'm feeling it inside my own body. And that's not entertaining for me. That's, that's horrific for me. So I'm. So many times we do not stand up for our needs because we've already anticipated the negative feedback that we're going to get from the person that we would be speaking to. We don't want to feel it twice. So we end up coping, we end up pulling back, we end up not saying the thing, we end up shouldering and tolerating for a long, long time. And, yeah, you can call this not creating boundaries, right? That's the popular. That's a psychological, you know, therapeutic way of discussing this. But I see it as an adaptive response. There is a better way, though. There is a way of being able to communicate and share and state and recognize that I've already anticipated what the other person is going to feel, but I am going to. Just the sheer. Just the sheer act of seeing it, frankly, is what suddenly starts to implode that for you. It's when you don't see it. It's when it's just how you operate. That's when it's dangerous for you as an empath. So, for instance, I've had this experience a lot in my workplace. I've hired many people who end up taking terrible advantage of me. That's terrible to say, right? I'm a coach. I'm a success coach. But I've trained myself. I've learned over the years. I know what they're going through, I feel what they're going through. So I'm just going to let it slide a bit. Meanwhile, my needs are getting less and less met, and the other person is starting to think, well, that's normal. I don't have to work 40 hours in when I'm getting paid to work 40 hours. I can work 20. Summer never said anything was wrong about it. And then when I try to change that, they're like, wait, you're changing the rules on me? That's not what. That's not what we've been doing. And I'm like, yeah, that is kind of my fault. Huh? I am changing the rules because I let it go. I let it go. Why? Because I didn't want to feel the negative emotion. It was me. I was willing to tolerate my own negative emotion, but not both of our negative emotion. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Anybody would do that. Since I've trained myself to nip things in the bud, right? To go in right away and say, nope, not getting my needs met here. And I know how you feel, and I'm feeling it, too, but I'd rather feel it this one time in this smaller amount than create something that's huge and kind of ongoing. So look around in your life right now. Maybe you've got a few people like that. Maybe not when it comes to employees or bosses or whatever, maybe it's oftentimes what I see when I'm working with people is it's a family member, and this family member has Gotten away with murder for many years. In the family, they make drama or they are constantly negative, or everybody feels guilted into going over and visiting and seeing them. And you just never put that boundary up because it would be so much worse if you didn't. Then you would feel your pain and you'd feel their pain. It's better just to feel your own pain and do the thing. If you've got people like that in your life, I'm gonna. Wise woman, sage crow, crone, wisdom coming here. If you have people like that in your life, you want to give them the opportunity to feel their pain. You've probably been protecting them from that for a long time. Give them the opportunity to know where they screwed up. Give them the opportunity to do better. Give them the opportunity. You're shielding them has been for your advantage. You say it's for them so they won't be hurt or they won't be upset, but it's actually been kind of your advantage. You didn't want to feel what they felt in advance of even it happening, and then doubly so once it happens. I get it, but it's time to let them feel their own pain, to let them understand that there. There's a repercussion or that this behavior isn't tolerable or that they can just. Like I said, they can do better. Empaths and our boundaries. Oh, my, my, my. I could probably go on for an hour about this. I'm not going to, but I have a feeling that some of the things I'm saying are really striking, kind of at your heart. Like, yeah, that is me. That is me. Do you guys find yourself ever ruminating on what other people are thinking? Like, oh, they probably think this about me. They probably think that about me. Now, you know, psychologists would have a different explanation of that. But from an empathic or a spiritual perspective, what we're doing is we're kind of reaching out and checking. Like, hey, just check in. How are you doing? Hey. Hey, just check in. Oh, you're not. You're unhappy. Ooh, you're still unhappy. Oh, yeah. Okay, fine. Let's go over that again in our heads. Let's go over that one more time. Ooh. And do you notice how often when you're circling and cycling like this, you don't actually reach a conclusion about what to do about it? Like, no conclusion gets reached. So it's not like your brain is trying to really work this out. The conclusion is, call him on the phone, say, hey, this happened. Let's talk about this. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Get it done. Don't spend more than five minutes on bad feelings. That would be a very smart mental move. But no, we're not doing it for that reason. We're checking. How you doing? Oh, boy. You're still mad. Okay, all right, well, let's go about that. Let's do that again. We just feel it, and then we re feel it, and then we re feel it and we re feel it. And it's like we're waiting for something to change on the other side, on the other end of the telephone. And eventually, of course, most things do change. People lose track and forget and time heals all and so forth. But that's how a lot of us empaths don't enforce our boundaries, and then we don't do anything about it afterwards. And now you know exactly why. Because you've already been feeling it. You're already in a protective, defensive state. But we don't have to be that way. Your ability, your skill, your feelingness for other people is a gift. A gift, a gift, a gift, a gift. You just have to be retrained. See it as such. I mean, raise your hand right now. If you went to school and they taught you how to not just handle conflict, did anybody get that? Other than be nice and apologize? Like, that's kind of the extent of, you know. And as empaths, we're like, yeah, I'm the first one to be nice and apologize. Sure, I took that one to heart. But beyond that, did anybody ever say, I know you're feeling what the other person is feeling? I know you're anticipating it. You're doing it at home, you're doing it at school, you're doing it with me. You can stop that now and you will be fine. In fact, you're going to end up being better than fine. And here's why. Did you get that training? How have you navigated the last 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of your life without that training? What I'm getting at is, you know, again, I'm going to go back into a flow dreaming concept. The world around us reflects the world inside of us. And we tend to get experiences that are going to grow or develop or help us release the things that are inside of us that we're willing and wanting to change. So when you embrace your empathic self and when you say, I have big, strong boundaries, the world says, what? This is new. Wait, wait, you're going to ask me to be different with you now and you say, yeah, I am. And I know you don't even understand why, but we are going to do this differently going forward because empaths, hey you guys. We need to preserve beautiful energy that we have inside us. We are the first people to overdraw the water from our wells, to over give, to give and give and give and give until we are exhausted, we are depleted, we are low level angry, we are listless, we are retracted and pulled back and just frustrated with ourself and our lives. That's the result of constantly having your antenna up, feeling other people, and then not showing your own strong barrier wall demands. But to do this, it takes practice. And not only that, it kind of takes a team. Sort of like I'm taking you to the rock climbing wall at that local rock climbing wall center. You know the ones I'm talking about. I don't know if you have them in your town, but I'm in Southern California and everybody likes to go to these indoor places and climb these, these walls. I'm telling you, go climb the wall, but do it all by yourself and no rope. And you're like, hell no. That seems really hard and not fun. When you have a team of people around you all doing the same thing and they're like, yeah, I did this and that happened, then I did this and then that happened and this and that and da da, da, right? When you have a whole cadre of people around you doing it as well, suddenly climbing that wall doesn't feel so hard. So that's why as you retrain yourself, you do need a community, you do need a village. You do need other people who are around you who are just like you. And if you don't have them, look for them, find them. You probably as an empath, as an intuitive empath, you probably have a couple of people like that in your own life right now. We, you know, like attracts like birds of a feather and flocking together and all of that, right? They're there, you've got them. Reach out, explore this with them. Mention it to them, say, hey, do you ever feel like this and maybe we should support each other on this and I want to learn a different way of living. And if I do, here's what's going to happen. A lot of these little low burning dumpster fires in my life are going to get put out. I'm going to start feeling like, yeah, I'm pretty happy and yeah, somebody gave back to me and somebody was conscientious of my time, somebody was conscientious of conscience, sh Conscientious, excuse me, of my money, of my skills. Thoughtful about me. Thoughtful about me. You've got friends. I pretty much guarantee it. Unless you've been living under a rock. You've got friends who are just like you, who can do this with you. In addition to friends, of course. Da, da, da. You know I'm going to tell you about Born and Path, right? It's my beautiful, huge, gorgeous program. We're going to do it together. And I will be the head, head horse of the pack, racing forward across the fields with you and saying, watch out for this and do that. My goal is that all of us do not need to suffer like I have suffered. And I've suffered in all the different arenas, the work arena, the home life arena, the friend arena. We empathize, suffer in all of them in our own different ways. But it comes out everywhere. So we are going to. What's the word for it? When you. When you kind of take a cut and you cauterize it. We're going to cauterize it. Boy, I'm making this sound fun, huh? But really, it actually is fun because what happens is once you grow this, and I can speak as somebody who has gotten through a pretty. I don't want to say I'm perfect by no means, but I know now when I'm holding back because I don't want to double feel. And I'm going to show you what will happen to yourself in your life. How you will no longer be spinning in your head about what you said or did and worrying how you will no longer be procrastinating and holding back on that thing you want to do or try or ask for. How you will no longer be shutting down desires inside yourself because your partner won't like them or your. Your parents won't like them or whatever. I'm going to show you all of those areas that are going to just open, shine and shimmer so that your life can be yours again. And truly, your life can be yours again. And you're going to discover that it's a darn good life. By yours, I mean like the biggest, most beautiful, brightest, smartest, sweetest part of you. So I'm going to. I'm going to wrap that up. I got you thinking. I know today's was a little rougher because I'm asking you to talk about boundaries and the parts that don't work. But you know, that's why you guys are. If you're still listening to this show, you know, that's how we do Things. We never put our heads in the sand. We look at what we've got in front of us and say, what can I do with this? And we are fearless in that question. It's a different kind of success than the ones they teach you in, you know, college level classes, your mba. Different kind of. We, we have a success of life, a success of ourselves. Right? My. My ultimate goal for you is to put your head on the pillow at night and rest. You know, feel good, feel calm, feel secure in your choices, feel delighted in all of your interactions. Feel like maybe there's a few things that tweak here and there, but mostly everything is going exactly the way you want it and need it. You'd fall asleep and stay asleep all night long with, by the way, good dreams and wake up in the morning and think, oh, my God, there's so much I want to do today and I'm going to do it. And I have the capacity, the energy to do it because it's not been bled out on all this other stuff. It took my life back, it took my energy back, took my focus back. That's how I want you to feel. All right, lots of love to you all. Thank. Thank you very much also for reviewing this podcast, maybe even this episode, because as I've been mentioning, my podcast reviews are very, very old. And I think this show deserves to get back up on the podcast charts. And you're. You're the only way that can happen. Can't make my material any better, you guys. I'm giving it my all. It's about downloads and listeners and reviews, and that's you guys. So if you feel that, thank you. Thank you for, for doing that and helping me with it and. Or sending this podcast to a friend and being like, this is you. She just talked about you and your friend's going to be like, oh, my God, what is this? But if you have good friends, like I think you do and hope you do, they'll be like, what is this? This is amazing. That's my hope. All right, love you guys. And I'll see you next time for another episode of Flow Dreaming. Still kind of. Woo. Woo.

Hey, friends, I just want to point you in the direction of a couple of resources that might just light up your day. First, I have an app. It's called Flow Dreaming for meditation and manifesting. And it has hundreds of Flow Dreams and playlists that you can use Download Enjoy to start sculpting these energies of your life now. Second, there is a YouTube channel for flow Dreaming. I know who'd have guessed the best thing you can find on that channel aside from. Also, this podcast is a tutorial a it teaches you how to Flow Dream. I'm right there on the screen with you, leading you through several beautiful and gorgeous flow dreams that we do together. So go check it out, look up flow dreaming on YouTube and have a good time. Enjoy yourself with these beautiful free resources and if you feel the urge, reach out to me. I am always available summerlowdreaming.com and I'll help you and and together we'll discover what maybe a perfect personalized Flow Dreaming program for you could be like. To find out how to do that, just go visit my website, flowdreaming.

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Until next time. Love to you all.