Jocko Underground: How To Get Your Significant Other On The Path

This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 120. Sitting here with Echo Charles. We had a fire at Victory MMA and Fitness.

At first, so I saw it on the news. Just giving people an update of what's going on. Sure saw it on the news. It actually in the news didn't look that bad.

Years ago, we had a drunk driver hit a fire extinguisher right in front of Victory mma.

Fire hydrant.

Fire hydrant. What I say extinguisher. Yeah, fire hydrant. And then took off. But the fire hydrant, the water was now pumping out of the. Like a. Like a. Like a geyser.

Yeah.

And it would just pour. It just shot up like a perfect stream and landed on the roof of Victory. And after it clogged up the drains, it was so much water clogged up the drains because there's like debris up there, you know, palm leaves and whatever else was sitting up there. So it clogged up the drain, some of the drain. So it couldn't drain quick enough. So the water filled up as a flat roof with a parapet around it, filled up the roof and boom, all that weight collapsed the roof with. The air conditioners from the roof of the building were on the bottom floor.

So it was a major, major issue.

We were open in four days when that happened. That was 2008. So I saw this fire on the news, you know, people. And people sent me clips like, yo, Victory's on fire. Talk to Joe and you know, hey, man, what's going on? And he's like, yeah, fire. Like, we're. We're.

Literally 200 yards from. From San Diego Fire Department Station 20. Like, they're right there. They got there real quick. So I'm. I'm seeing on news, this is the day we recorded. We were up in LA and I thought to myself, yeah, we're, you know, this is going to be. We'll be open in what, a week, maybe two weeks. So we start getting a little bit more information. I get down there the following day after the fire, and it was bad.

Got a debrief from the firefighters. Actually. I actually met the guys that went into the building. This is actually a really bad fire. So it started somehow in the sauna area.

And then it was burning. So we open at 6 o' clock in the morning. This took place at 6:20. Apparently what happened was somebody ran down to the front desk girl and said, hey, there's like a fire up in the sauna. Front desk girl went up there. Bad fire runs back down, calls the Fire department. They're there in 30 seconds. By the time they get there, firefighters, two firefighters went into the building with their hoses to go fight the fire. Open the door to the locker room, it was too hot. Damn. And it was cool. They were. They. They actually walked me through the fire. Like, what happened? They get in there, it's too hot to get to the source of the fire. So there they have comms. It's cover and move with the guys on the rooftop. And the guys on the rooftop have to cut open the roof in the area. And one of the guys, one of the firefighters trains at Victory, and he was actually telling, like, the saunas in the back, like he was giving them intel. But then they. So they start cutting open the roof to let some of the heat out so that the firefighters that are in the building can get closer. And that's what they did. They showed me on the wall, there's, like, fingerprints. Like, okay, you know where the mirrors are. It's. They're all covered with soot, but there's finger, like, dragging across them. It's because those guys couldn't see and they're dragging to, like, get through the building. They're indicating that stuff to me. So they get in there, they're able to get some water on the fire. The fire builds up, it gets too hot again, they have to cut more of the roof open, let more heat out, find the firefighters, get in there and are able to put out the fire. But there was a moment where they were telling me they were thinking it might be what they call a loss where, you know, the fire department's like, hey, this thing's going down. And they just sit back and contain the fire to the one building and let it burn.

So luckily, that didn't happen. Luckily, we. They were able to save the building through aggressive firefighting bravery. They got in there. So thanks to the San Diego Fire Department for doing that and saving the building.

That being said, there's a lot of damage. Way more than it looked like in the videos. Way more than even this massive flood. The fire does so much damage. So you have to cut open the roof. When you're cut open the roof, you're hitting rafters. All the rafters that may have gotten hit by. By really by any fire that we got to replace those rafters. So we, you know, you got to order rafters. There's a whole bunch. It's going to be another six months before we get open.

That's what's happening there. That being said, we. We are Also getting aggressive. Joe Menino, he's getting after it right now. We already have a new building. We signed the lease. It's 10,000 square feet. It's on Claremont Mesa Boulevard. We will be opening that. We're moving Matson, like, in the next couple days so guys can get in there. Look, guys, got a train, let's face it.

So we are making that happen. We have really good insurance. We have.

A little bit of contingency money as well. So we're going to get this other place opened, and then we will rebuild the OG Victory MMA and Fitness. It'll be back. It's going to take a few months, but it will be back. So that's what's happening. It's part of life, it's part of business. It's part of the world. Definitely. I think I've. I've been adjacent to fires before.

You know, seeing them, watch them, but I've never had to actually deal with it in one of my structures. Fires are gnarly and they do a ton of damage. Way worse than I thought.

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird because even, like, these details when you go. And it is helpful, too, by the way, the inform information from the. From the firefighters themselves, because you think, oh, it was a fire. It's over there. I know how to avoid a fire. Like, it's just. I'll just walk over here. Or even you'd think, okay, there's a fire in this room. You know, I'll just leave the room. But just the idea of opening the door and it's too hot to just go in there. The fire is not even there. And probably given how I'm imagining this, where if you look in the locker room and the sauna is, like, way around the corner, so you probably can't even see the fire. Can't see you go in there, and it's just too hot to even go in there. Not to mention, like, you know how. Let's say you're in a house and there's a fire in the next room, we'll say you can't go in that room because when you touch the doorknob, the doorknob is, like, red hot. Like, it's so hot that you can't even touch it, not even for a second. You know, it's like that. All those little details, you don't realize, you know, when you just think, oh, there's a fire over there. I'll just go over here. Yeah.

Oh, by the way, our podcast studio is also in the locker room of the gym. And so it. That's one of the. One of the roof sections that got cut open is right in the podcast studio. So we are not currently in the podcast studio. We are in my house. We're in our little library office thing, and that's where we're recording because we. We won't be back in that studio for probably six months, which is a bummer because that's a nice little studio. Quiet, soundproof.

Yeah.

Speaking of Joe. Joe soundproof. That bad boy. It's a room within a room. That's what you got to do if you really want quiet. You got to put a room within a room.

Yeah.

So that's where we're at.

So where's the. So the new one? Climb On Myself Boulevard. I know exactly where that is. Actually kind of more by my house a little bit.

Yep.

Is that gonna be. Because the original Victory. Six months. What are we move back or we're gonna have two locations? What else?

I mean, you know, you never know.

Yeah.

Depending. That's a little close. They're like, it's 10 minutes away. So do you have. Are there enough people that want to train.

That where we'd be cannibalizing? You know what I mean? You don't want to cannibalize. You want to have everyone together.

Right.

But 10 minutes can be a long way. Well, yeah, convenience wise.

Yeah, fully.

So we usually think about, like a half an hour of being like, hey, if we're going to open another place, we want it to be at least a half an hour away.

Yeah.

You know, kind of normal traffic. Like, normal traffic. Half an hour, then you're good. Because that means in actual traffic, it's probably 45 minutes. So we'll see. We'll see. We tried to put it, like, in a spot where it was close, close as we can to our current gym, and we were able to find this one pretty quick. So we'll see.

Shall see.

But it's 10,000 square feet, so it's going to be. We're not going to have CrossFit. We're not going to have that. We're not going to have gym. It's going to be all mma, striking, and jiu jitsu. We're actually going to keep the same mixed martial arts, various schedules. So the striking, the jiu jitsu, we're going to keep the same schedules, but we're not going to have the lifting and the CrossFit for a few months. So that's. That's a bummer.

Yeah.

But we will rebuild so there you go. Update, update. Let's get some Q and A, some Q and A. What do we got?

First question. Greetings, jocko and Echo. Starting off. Thank you for the platform. Your podcast is an amazing outlet for wisdom, and I have found this has helped me mature great greatly over the past year or so. My question.

Pertains to how should I handle a situation of. Of having a girlfriend with a much lower motivation and sedentary lifestyle than me? My girlfriend is an amazing person and I love her very much, but we have very different lifestyles. She tends to spend a lot more time in bed or on the couch enjoying the easy pleasures of life while I train Jiu jitsu and fitness very seriously. I also eat a much more strict diet than her, and all I want to do is help her find a lifestyle that will make her healthier and happier. I'm training to go into special operations in the Marines, and I feel like being around her now is making it harder to achieve those goals and easier for me to slack and fall off the path. I've tried explaining to her the countless benefits that come with my lifestyle and how much better she would feel if she also participated in some of those activities. I don't force her into doing anything, but also my suggestions sometimes are received, like I'm being a jerk or just hardcore. How would you suggest I go about trying to get her into a healthier lifestyle and motivate her to follow my path without forcing it? I've just. I've tried just leading by example and showing her how. How much better my days are when I am on the path compared to hers spent in bed without being forceful or arrogant. But it still doesn't seem to work. I really don't want to have to leave her, but I do not want to sacrifice my goals for a life with her consisting of mediocrity. Thank you for your advice.

Well, first of all, you know, if you want to have influence over somebody, you got to build that relationship. That means trust, listen, respect, influence, care. You got to be able to give those things in order to get them right. So if you want to have influence over her, you have to be able to.

Allow her to influence you. So you gotta be like, oh, hey, today we're just gonna sit on the couch, we're gonna watch freaking Netflix. Okay, cool, I'll do that. But, you know, like, before we eat dinner tonight, let's go for. You know what I mean? You gotta gotta go both ways. So you gotta listen to what she has to say. What does she like about these things, build that relationship and you should be go another kind of semi positive thing here so you can build a relationship and hopefully she can get a little bit more engaged in the lifestyle that you live. Also, you should be looking for someone who compliments you, not someone that matches you 100%.

Friends and girlfriends are not the same and they probably shouldn't be. Like.

You want to have friends that like to do what you do. Your girlfriend doesn't necessarily. I don't want a girlfriend or my wife to be like me a hundred percent or even like 70%, you know what I mean? Like, I want her to be different, you know, complimentary.

Yeah.

Does that mean that, you know, we have overlaps of training and working out? Yeah, definitely. But she's not, you know, my wife's not in doing like heavy deadlifts. Not the heavy deadlifts is a bad example. If she wasn't doing heavy deadlifts, cool. But I'm saying she's not.

She spends more time doing like yoga and more time doing.

More like what is it hit workouts and more time doing low weight, high rep type lifting. I sometimes like to lift a little heavier than that. You know, she liked jiu jitsu, but then she was pregnant for a long time and so she kind of stopped doing jiu jitsu, you know, But I wasn't like, oh, now we don't get along, you know what I mean? So anyways, you know, my, you want to find someone that compliments you. This doesn't mean you're looking for the opposite of you, but you don't need to have someone that matches you completely. So that, that's a positive thing. Like in this situation. Okay, so she likes to relax a little bit. Well, guess what, you know, you're out working hard and maybe she's chilling a little bit and she can get dinner ready, you know, what have you. She can prep the evening plans when you're working, lifting, training, whatever. So it could be okay.

That being said.

There'S a chance that you're just not aligned because there's a difference between, we're different, but we have the same goals. If you're different but you have different goals, that can be problematic. Like if she's not into health and she's constantly eating trash and not working out at all and now her physical health is going to go downhill. That's not going to be, it's not going to be good. You know, she doesn't like it. Here's the difference between, oh, my wife doesn't train Jiu Jitsu. But she gets it and I go train and she's like, oh, how was training? As opposed to, my wife doesn't like Jiu Jitsu. To go, you really gonna train again today? Or whatever the thing is, right, you really gonna make. You gonna prioritize, you know, lifting over. Over our dinner tonight? It's like, well, I haven't. I haven't had time to lift, and I've got a lift.

So if she's not even down for the cause, that could be a real problem. Here's another thing, bro, and I'm just throwing this out there.

If she, if she was the one, capital T, capital O, the one, you probably wouldn't even be asking this question right now.

You know what I'm saying? Hey, am I wrong?

I cannot.

No. Do you think I'm wrong?

No.

Do you think I'm wrong?

No.

Like, if this chick was the one, would he be sending the. Spending the time to write four paragraph.

Question, which did include.

The. The whole, I really don't want to have to leave her. See what I'm saying? Like, have to. And that's actually even different than saying, I don't want to leave her. Like, that's obviously, like, it's not like I'm going to leave her. Obviously that's off the table. It's not that. That's different. This is, I don't want to have to. Hey, yeah, I might have to leave her, you know, kind of a thing. Brother's different. I think you are correct, actually.

So you're asking this question, which is kind of weird, you know, it's kind of. It's an indicator. Look. Is it the indicator? No, it's an indicator. It's a flag. It's a red flag. It doesn't mean we're not playing the game, but there's a flag in the game. That is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen to, go to jockounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko podcast, which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way. But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are. We're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's Jocko. Underground.com it costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email assistanceaco underground.com and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized, Underground.