Jocko Underground: You Care Too Much About Other People's Opinion About You

This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 139, sitting here with Echo Charles, getting into some Q and A.

Proceed, sir.

Oh, right off. Yeah. Advice for the people. Yeah, that's what we're calling it.

It's. It's also a reflection or an analysis of what's happening in life, what other people are going through. We can kind of apply.

I'm one of those. Our world.

You and me both.

Me both. All right, cool.

Let's go.

Let's go. All right, first subject of inquiry. We'll say, hi, Jocko. I'm on the path to becoming a Navy seal. Jiu Jitsu, weightlifting, running, and swimming are all part of my routine. I just turned 18 and talked to a recruiter on my birthday. However, though I have strong discipline in these areas, I don't know how to stop caring about what other people think about me. I hold people's opinion too high sometimes. I understand that it's important to be humble and accept correction and wisdom for my good, for my good. But what about people who want to take you down a notch? What about people who insult you with insults that aren't even true?

I want to stop fearing other people and to become a courageous man. How did you do it, Jocko? P.S. love your podcast so much. You and Echo Charles are awesome. God bless.

So not. Not to be kind of harsh on this just out of the gate, but you just got to get over that stuff. Like, you got to get over it. You will get annihilated.

Annihilated in training, even in boot camp. If you take things personally.

In boot camp, they'll attack you. Go watch any, you know, Full Metal Jacket, Officer and a Gentleman, anything where they portray any boot camp scenario. It's just personal attacks. That's what's happening. That's what we're going through. So if you're gonna let this stuff bother you, you're gonna fail. You're gonna freak out. So just you. You gotta. You gotta just move on. You gotta get over this kind of thing. Maybe you have some weird insecurities in your mind that you don't think you're good enough or something like that. And what. What can you do to overcome those things is just keep working out, keep training, keep getting stronger and faster, and study so you become smarter and keep training Jiu Jitsu so you know how to fight.

And then you should become secure enough in yourself, because this is. This is a real sign of insecurity. Am I wrong?

I think you're right.

Yeah. It's a Real sign of insecurity where someone is so focused on what other people think that inside their own mind, they think that same thing and they get mad. Even when it's things that aren't true, like, it's just. Just not good. So how. So how are you gonna deal with these things? Some actual methodologies. Well, number one is ignore them. But ignoring can kind of backfire because if I'm. If I tease you. I know you like the word tease. If I tease you about something and you, like, ignore it kind of to the extreme. I know I got you, then I'm gonna do it more. Right. You can kind of change the subject, which might be a little bit less obvious than straight ignore. You know, if I say, echo, you're bald and ugly, and you go, eh. And then you say, hey, hit the record on that thing over there. You know, it's kind of like it didn't really impact you. It wasn't that big of a deal.

If I say, echo, you're bald and ugly, and you're like, oh, 100%. Can you hit record? You see what I'm saying? So you can also kind of acknowledge it and sort of be unfazed by it.

Agree with it. I think that's kind of the mat. The most magic one is when someone says, hey, you're bald and ugly, and Echo. Charles says, honestly, that's a good assessment. I agree with you. Like, these are. That's a. That's a really good one. You use that online one time.

Sure.

Someone laid into you in real scathing kind of way, too. In a not funny, in a not in a not I'm having fun kind of way. Like, they'll really try to get you. Sure they said something. You know, why is this guy even on the podcast? He brings nothing and nothing he says matters. Something, it's a waste of airtime.

Something like that.

And you replied honestly, that's a fair assessment. Took the wind out of his sails kind of. And in its own right, kind of let us know why you're here in the first place. You know what I mean? It was a double edged. It was a double attack. I liked it. So agree, you know, nod, smile, like, yeah, I am ugly and bald. And then finally, you know, laugh. Laugh it off in the way of the warrior kid.

Nathan James is calling Mark plate face. He's got a round face. Plate face, plate face. And it's not until Mark goes, oh, that's pretty funny. My face is getting round. And then he realizes that those words don't have as much power as he, Nathan James realizes that the words didn't have as much power as he'd hoped.

And so also, you just got to recognize that you're not perfect, right? You're not. Even though you're doing jiu jitsu, and even though you're disciplined in all these things, you're still just a dude. You know that? We talked about this on the last underground podcast. The fact that being an Eagle Scout can be really good, it can also be really bad. So if you are disciplined, weightlifting, running, doing jiu jitsu, and swimming, and you want to be a Navy SEAL and you think that makes you better than everyone else, it's a problem. Doesn't make you better than anybody else. Just make. Means that you're doing certain things.

Also, this is kind of weird. Don't. Do you not have friends like that also make fun of the other guys and make fun of you? And everyone kind of teases each other and. And that's what's happening. Like, it's weird to me a little bit that there's no. Know, they make fun of my friends, and me or my friends sometimes make fun of me or my f. Friends make fun. It's just this guy by himself. So.

I'm just saying, you know, hang out with some other people that you can kind of have some banter with, and it's fun. By the way, I was talking about SEAL training in a SEAL platoon, though. It's. It's on like Donkey Kong. I mean, it's 24 7. We're going to. Anything that any mistake that you make or don't make, any imperfection that you have or perceived imperfection that you have will be addressed aggressively, regularly.

You know, another thing to think about is people that are, like, coming at you, they have their own little issues. Here's like, the full psychological thing is, you know, if Echo's making fun of me for being. Whatever. If you make fun of me for not having money, it's because actually, you don't really have that much money. Or you make fun of me for being bald. Well, it's actually because you're bald. You see what I'm saying? It's that whole thing. Or even. It's not even. It's not even that you're bald, but you're bald, and you see that I'm not. So you make fun of, you know, my car. You. You find a way because you're insecure. So there's that, too. You could look at other people. Well, that's kind of what I think if someone's. If someone's legitimately coming after me, it's like, well, dude, that guy's got problems. You know, that person's got problems. So just remember that the other people that are coming at you, they're making fun of you. They're just trying to cover up for something themselves, trying to make themselves feel better. So don't worry about it.

Another thing you could do is do an analysis of what they're saying. Like, it sounds to me like this guy, in many respects, is pretty squared away. He does jujitsu, he lifts weights, he runs, he swims. That means he's probably in pretty good physical shape, right?

Mm.

It sounds like he's got discipline, so he's not, like, a slob, Right? So he's probably looking pretty squared away.

So what are they making fun of? You know what I mean? Like, what are they picking on? And then, well, if they're picking on you because you don't have any friends, but you're sitting at the lunch table alone, bro, go. Go say hi to some folks. If they're making fun of you because you're awkward when you talk cool, then go get better at speaking to people. You see what I'm saying? Like, they could be right.

Yeah.

About some stuff. You know, I've had people criticize me. You know, it's a pretty good point. That's a pretty good point. You know, when. When my friend Grizz died and my friend Chris came to me and said, you know, he didn't just die for you, meaning I was, like, acting like it was, you know, my. I was the most important friend that he had. It was totally wrong. He said that to me. I was like, oh, dang, you're right. Totally. I realized it 100%. And so sometimes you got to listen to what people are saying and go, oh, this is accurate. This is an accurate statement. So.

That'S kind of where I'm at. What can you do to take some of that statements that are being made towards you, if they're true, analyze them, make some adjustments. And then also, you just got to accept that this bantering and tearing down of people and of things is 100% a part of life. In fact, I'll go further than that. Tearing things down is easier than building things up. So that's the kind of. That's the default human thing. The default human thing is to tear down.

Rather than to build. So expect that what people are going to do is tear you down. Don't get arrogant. There is an Easy way to get arrogant, too. Like, oh, they're just. They're just jealous of me, right? Yeah. Don't do that. Just accept that people are going to come at you. They're going to come at you, they're going to try and tear you down. It's part of life. It's easier to tear down than didn't build up. And they're going to try and tear you down. That's what people are going to do in life. People at work, people at school, people in your SEAL platoon everywhere. So just be ready for that. And then just rise above and carry on. That's what you got to do. That's what I got.

Yeah. Rise above and carry on. I feel like that's like a good, good general approach.

Oh, it's a real good general.

I think that there's like, a couple of things, though. Only because, to say, I'll be honest, I kind of understand what this guy's insane. When they care too much. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Like, you know, if someone's like. Because, I mean, they kind of play off each other when it's like I hold people's opinions too high sometimes. Right. Like, almost like. Almost like it really bothers you if someone doesn't like you only. And not necessarily because you got to be liked by everyone, but just because. And I'm only speaking from experience. I don't know. I can't read this guy's mind. You know, I'm not a mind reader. You know that about me. But if there's any overlap here, it's more because I think I've gone around thinking, like, hey, I don't have bad intentions towards people. Like, why would they have it. Bad intentions towards me? And it didn't, like, compute, you know, and it bothered me. Maybe I did something and I didn't know, you know, and it always come down to. Or one of the things it would always come down to is like, that maybe I don't take certain things as seriously as I should, you know, because you know how you can get mad at someone if you're, like, in a serious spot mentally? Well, something serious is going on and then someone's joking around. Like, that can really, like, be bad. So I'd always be like, was I, like, joking around too much? I don't know, did I do something unlike that? I didn't realize I did. And this person's just like, doesn't like me now. And for whatever reason, I always felt like I was overly sensitive to that. Like, oh, this person's mad at me, did I do something wrong? Like that kind of thing. And it. But it was like, it didn't feel like.

I felt like I was too sensitive. I didn't feel like it was appropriate.

So did you. Did you mature out of this? Or like, what, are you still there?

Put it this way, I'm still living with it.

Getting by.

But put it this way, I think when you kind of self reflect. Yeah, I think and accept certain things, like, yeah, people are like, you can't read everyone's mind. You don't know what's going on with people. So it's like, you can't. You can't just take it like that. There's a lot more going on. And from there I just figure, man, I'm just gonna do my best, you know?

And there is clearly there's a spectrum because, you know, when you hear someone say, don't care about. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Yeah.

Well, then you can be crazy. You can do stuff that's unacceptable. Right. And yet if you're just afraid to do anything because you're too scared because of what people think, and now you don't make any moves, you don't want to stand out, you don't want to state your own mind, and you're just kind of being rope. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to Jocko underground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko podcast, which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way. But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's Jocko underground dot com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email assistance@jocunderground.com and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized Underground.