The Cool Boss Trap — Why Trying to Be Liked Can Cost You Your Dental Practice

I know that you all know this one, but that doesn't mean that you don't still fall victim to the trap sometimes. So let's talk about that most seductive trap of leadership. Trying to be the cool boss. You know the one, the TikTok trending lingo user. The no worries, just take your time. Deadline extender. The I just want us to all be friends boss who avoids conflict like it's Covid in 2020. It feels good to be liked. I get it. Right? Especially when we're people pleasing. Makes sense why we're in dentistry. To care for people, right? But if your team likes you more than they respect you, your leadership is leaking power and with it profit, performance and progress. Welcome to the Next level practice podcast. I'm your host, CEO Kelly Dahmer. Today we're talking about one of the silent killers of high performing teams. It's the cool boss trap. Now this isn't about becoming a cold robotic micromanager. It's my best robot impression. And it's definitely not about stripping away your personality either. Okay? It's about understanding that likability is not actually leadership. Clarity, consistency and courage are. We call those the three C's of leadership. Right? And if you genuinely love trending audio slaying and viral content, listen, go for it. We're not here to stop you. But if you're just trying to stay relevant to be liked, that's when we need you to stop. We don't want you to be viral, we need you to be clear. And the coolest version of you is just you. So here's what we're gonna be talking about on today's episode. The first thing is why trying to stay relevant often backfires for you. The danger of emotional over identification with your team. What real leadership actually looks like in a modern dental practice. How to be yourself without sacrificing your authority or authenticity. I think this is where this really stems from. I wanna get some stats for you. Okay? The dental Persona. 75% of dentists are introverted, methodical avoiders. So that means that introversion, you get your energy from your downtime, not necessarily from being around people. And guess what? You're with team and patients all day long. Methodical, very detail oriented, obviously to be working inside of the mouth. And then typically we're avoiders. So I'm not a dentist myself. However, I do have the same Persona as a dentist. I myself is an am an introverted, methodical avoider. And you're either an avoider or a confronter. So Avoiders tend to naturally avoid hard conversations. And I'll speak for myself personally, I've done a lot of work on this, right. And there's no right or wrong Persona. It's just that for me, how I default is that hard conversation equals conflict. And that's not actually the case. A lot of times we can have it be very factual, you know, how the person responds or reacts is not really up to me. It can go either way with a very well thought out conversation. And that tends to mean that I avoid difficult conversation naturally. Right. Now, what we tend to see is that pairs with a confronting team leader. And guess what? Your leadership is really getting lost at that point. So we want to bring up a couple of concepts here, right? The cool boss Persona is really just a costume. Trying to lead by blending in is like giving your team a funhouse mirror. It's distorted and confusing. And when you show up as a watered down version of yourself, you're really just giving your team permission to do the same. And I've seen this before, right? We look at the stats, we look at the KPIs or key performance indicators in a practice, and we can tell when something's amiss. Maybe cancellations and no shows are going up because your patients aren't respecting you and your team's time. Or maybe our diagnostics are down because we're not actually spending time to really be a stand for what's right for people. And listen, we're not here to tell you to start quoting Gen Z slaying if that's not you. Okay? Now the other concept I really want to bring in here is how likability does not equal trust. And for some reason that got misconstrued somewhere. It's like, oh, if I want my team to trust me, if I want them to be empowered and fulfilled at work, they need to like me. It's really not the case, right? I mean, your team may laugh at your jokes, they might compliment your cool new sneakers, but that doesn't mean that they're actually going to follow through on hard conversations or, or stay accountable to pressure. Trust is built through holding boundaries, setting very clear expectations, and then following through with consistency. And this starts with you. It also means that that's something that you're delegating to a rockstar team leader. Okay? We want you to be able to lead from your identity, not from your insecurities. And we all have them. We all have them. I know that that can be kind of a tough conversation to bring up, right? But you're not having to fund your income, you're having to clarify your expectations. You're not explaining your lifestyle. You're creating a context for a high performance culture. Your job isn't to be liked every day. It's to move the mission forward with compassion, but without apology. And what we notice is leaders who are very authentic, very real, vulnerable, empathetic. You can be all of those things and also be very firm in what's needed for the business to succeed. And that's where your power really comes from. Cool gets attention. Clear is the one that gets results. Your team doesn't need a new best friend, right? We call it friendly. Instead of being friends, they need a boss who knows who they are, where they're going, and how to get them there. Authenticity is what builds trust. Pretending is what builds resentment. Now, like I said, I'm an introverted, methodical avoider, okay? And so that's making me the biggest nerd in the room. There's no one else in my room, but it makes me the biggest nerd in my room. And I love that about myself. But my team doesn't follow me because I'm trendy. Trust me, they don't. They follow me because I know where we are going and I lead with my heart, authentically. So if you want to talk about stepping into your true leadership style, let's jump on a complimentary 30 minute call. I promise you're cooler than you think you are. Click the link below and I'll see you soon.