Glen Gould dramatizes an internal reorganization where negative inner voices like Doubting Dennis and Self-Loathing Larry get replaced by positive traits like Carla Creativity and Positive Paul. It's a comedic skit about reframing your mind as an executive team you can actually manage.
Chapters
Please come in. Have a seat. So what's up? Well, we're making some changes around here and I wanted to bring you in to talk about it. Well, you know, that's a good idea. You remember the time that you went in for a review? You remember the last time, huh? Yeah, let's see if I recall. You thought you were gonna get a raise. And you got fired. That was a doozy. I'm surprised you're comfortable with the, you know, reviews. Yeah, but I think it's time. Some of the executive team and I have been talking— Without me? Aren't I on the executive team? Ahem, let me finish. We've been talking about how to move the organization forward, and we've decided some changes are in order. Change is good. You remember that time that me and my team, we convinced you to quit running. Let's see, Procrastinating Polly told you you could run later, and then Worrying Wally told you that your knee pain was bothering you, and of course, I reminded you that no matter what you did, you're still gonna be fat. You lost weight when you ran, and then, let's see, 120 pounds later, you started taking up running again. Yeah, that was good. That was some of my best work. Yeah, and I'm glad you brought that up because see, in a review, it's common to recap some of the good things that you think have happened over the past year. And you've already brought up a few, and I'd like you to go on. Oh, let's see. Yeah, you remember the time I woke you up in the middle of the night to remind you about that bill, about that loan you weren't gonna be able to pay off, and you didn't sleep for a month? I kept you worrying about all of that and you just kept staying awake. That was you and, um, Worrying Wally, if I remember. Yeah, you remember that golf company you started? Yeah, let's see, um, I got Doubting Dennis to keep you in check there. He, um, kept reminding you how you couldn't succeed and kept keeping on you until finally you just gave up. You're right, I've still got the Bart Forbes on the wall to remind me. Yeah, yeah, Dennis, he's really good at keeping the status quo. Um, let's see, what else? You remember that, uh, oh yeah, that, uh, that golf company that you worked for, that big Schlesinger thing, right? You were the regional account executive, some big schmo. And, uh, let's see, I got, um, let's see, who was it? Who was it? Oh yeah, Anna Adversity. I brought her in and, uh, made sure that, uh, you know, you guys really had a hard time. Um, I even, um, let's see, I even had her Get you that demotion. Yeah, you know, you and another guy were the only ones who made gold, but you still got demoted anyway. Yeah, that set you up perfectly for ol' Sammy's suspicion. Anytime things are going good now, you, uh, you know, you suspect something's gonna go wrong pretty soon. Indeed, I suspect you're right. Any others? Look, you know, I could go on all day. I mean, but you know the skills. You know the value me and my team bring to this organization. I— let's just move on. I got an appointment here at 11 with Self-Loathing Larry. Well, you're right, and you could go on all day, and you usually do. You see, that's one of the things the executive team wanted for me to bring up with you. What, me? I had no idea. Not just you, but your entire team. I seem to have noticed that all of your team members sound like me. Yeah, well, you created us. I know, you're right, and you've served a purpose, but the executive team and I, well, we think it may be time to dial it back a bit. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Who is on this executive team anyway? What's this whole Club Mind thing? Club Mind is our refocused initiative. It's our way of moving forward into the future. We've decided that we're kind of done with the status quo, as you call it. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you mean like when you go to one of those big conferences things and you get all fired up and you get so excited about all this stuff and you bring it back and me and my team convince you to put it in a file cabinet and forget about it. You know, every time you do this, Connie Comfort gets more upset. But you know, between me and Polly Procrastination and Doubting Dennis, I'mma— we calm her down. Uh, you know, so hey, when's the big conference? Yeah, like this is gonna last long. Club Mind is our refocused initiative. It's not like anything like you just mentioned. Yeah, I, yeah, I do that. I did, I did, I did that. I let you and your team stifle things around here. Yeah, I do. I did that, but not anymore. You still haven't told me what this whole thing is all about. What's this Club Mind thing all about? Who's this executive team? Carla Creativity, Inspired Isaac, Positive Paul, Proactive Paula, Self-Esteem Edward, and Go For It Fran. Okay, so which one of these leaders am I gonna be reporting to? Well, that's what I really wanted to talk to you about today. Your meeting at 11 with Self-Loathing Larry? Well, it's been canceled because I sacked him this morning. What? Without consulting me? How am I supposed to do my job without him? Let me finish. It took me a while to get Procrastinating Polly to come in, but when she did, I reassigned her. To where? I haven't decided. She said she completely understood. You're cutting my department by a third? Not exactly. I met with Doubting Dennis and told him about all our changes, and he said that he doubted he would want to work here any longer. Dennis was my star! And Worrying Wally, well, he agreed when he heard about all the changes. He worried that he could be effective, and he decided to go do his worrying elsewhere. Uh, that brings us to, let's see, Connie Comfort Anna Adversity and Sammy Suspicion. Yesterday when I told Connie about all the changes we were making and I told her she'd be reporting to Go For It Fran, well, Connie said she never really liked Fran anyway. She'd be uncomfortable working for her, so she quit. And that gives me Anna and Sammy. Let's see, Anna and Sammy— um, you've forgotten Angry Alex. Well, actually, you're right, I forgot about Angry Alex. They're all going to be reporting to Inspired Isaac's team. Seems that Isaac thinks that he can make them all work to the positive, seeing how anger and suspicion and adversity, they kind of all work together anyway. He thinks that he can make them a force for good, and go for it, Fran agreed. So you're trying to tell me that I'm gonna be doing all this work all by myself? No, Ned. Negativity isn't going to be needed in Club Mind, and I'm sorry, but your whole department has been eliminated. Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute! You can't make it without me! Well, you know, the executive team kind of sees it differently. Ah, let's see. When we talked, we talked about those businesses that we were successful in, you know, like the time that we bought that business for almost a million bucks and we didn't have any money, but we did it anyway. Or that time that we made that contract to clean like 32 stores in 4 different states and we didn't have anybody to work for us or any equipment, but we took the job anyway and kind of figured it out. Or what about the books we've sold? Oh yeah, they were big sellers. Well, maybe not, but we did sell about 5,000 copies of those suckers and a lot of people were helped. But what about just the times that things did go well? We got the sale, or we made a friend, or we shared a smile, or how about the amazing family that we've built with an amazing wife and two unbelievable sons? So who's gonna lead Team Negativity now? Ah, no one. It's being eliminated. Ned, you're fired. So who are you reporting to now? Creative Carla? Carla and the rest of the team, they're going to be reporting to me. You see, I'm in charge. Yeah, well, good luck with that. You haven't had a single original thought or a good idea like forever. I mean, even the Club Mind thing, that was Ben's idea. Your buddy Ben, remember? He's the one. You're right, it was Ben's idea, but I'm smart enough to see a good idea and use it. Good luck, Ned. You're the one who's going to be needing it. Good luck on your Club Mind thing, buddy. Hey, has anybody seen Edward around here? Oh, there you are, Self-Esteem Edward. You do good work behind the scenes. Keep it up. Action! Who's gonna lead Teen Nativity? That's funny. Gotta get angry again. That's pretty funny. So who's gonna lead Team Nativity? I did it again. I can't do it. Quit smiling, okay? Stop it. Sammy Suspicion. I just spit all over myself. Inspired Alex. It's not Alex, damn it. Carla Preton. Carla Proactivity. There we go. Yeah, well, good luck with that.
