In this solo episode of the Mama Goddess podcast, host Alexandra J. Johnson uses the Biblical metaphor of a speck of sawdust in a brother’s eye versus a plank in one’s own eye to explore how parents often focus on correcting children’s behavior while neglecting their own inner work. She argues that before attempting to change a child’s actions—whether it’s yelling, lying, or being messy—parents should first examine the emotions, motives, and personal triggers that the child’s behavior surfaces in them. Johnson offers a series of reflective questions (e.g., “What do I want to change? Why? What feelings arise?”) to help listeners identify their own ‘planks.’ She highlights the double standards many parents hold, noting how adults often excuse their own anger, messiness, or stress while demanding perfection from their children. By taking responsibility for their own reactions and modeling integrity, parents can cultivate greater compassion, connection, and authenticity in family life. The episode closes with a reminder to practice this inner work, a blessing, and an invitation to connect via mamagoddess.com.
Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have some fun.
Hello, this is Alexandra. Welcome to another Optimize plus one. I find that a lot of parenting stuff is focused on children's behavior. Usually the focus is on how to control or change the behavior, which I get. I've had to navigate the urge to want to control and change my children's behavior too. Focusing on something outside of me. Yeah, it's out there in my children's behavior and not mine. To quote the book of Matthew from the Bible, why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite. First take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Why do we see their sawdust and not our own plank? I am humbled by this lesson again and again, but I have found that my children are my spiritual guides in many ways. Things like Children should be polite. They shouldn't get angry or yell or lie or throw something or hit their brother or sister or complain or whine or whatever behavior irritates us the most. My practice is to go deeper than trying to control the behavior, asking myself what's underneath the behavior? I think we go too quickly to trying to support and guide them. Yes, we are here to lead them and help them learn how to function in the world. But before we dive into the instructing, correcting, fixing mode that comes so easily for most of us, we need to stop and look at ourselves. Side note, I'm not saying that we should let our children do whatever they want whenever they want. All I'm saying is to wait on your responses and in reactions, especially when you are triggered. Let's go to something that triggers you about your children's behavior. Do you got it? Okay, these are the questions that I ask myself. What is it that I want to change? Why do I want to change it? What feelings do I feel when they do this particular behavior? What do I think this means about me as a person and as a parent? Going deeper into our motives is helpful for us and for our children. They get to witness an adult doing their inner Work, which is a very powerful imprint. Then I ask myself, have I never gotten angry? Have I never lied? Have I never said or done something mean to someone? Or been rude, insensitive? Have I ever talked back to someone, even if it's in my head? Have I ever wanted to throw or yell at someone, throw something or yell at someone? Have I ever had big feelings and didn't know what to do about them? Well, of course I have. Hello to the plank in my eye. I see you more clearly now. So when my children's sawdust or behavior irritates me, it's me I need to look at, not them. When I own my stuff, AKA take the plank out of my own eye, I can see more clearly to guide my children in how to best navigate their sawdust behavior. Sometimes we can have these double standards for our kids. I can get angry, but you can't get angry. Well, at least you can't show your anger in that way. And I can be stressed and overwhelmed and. And talk rudely to you. But you better not talk rudely to me, grandma, or to that person in the store. I can be tired, grumpy, and make a mistake, but it's not okay for you to do the same. I can have a messy desk, car, purse, mind, or whatever, but your life and room must be spotless and perfect. It's kind of funny and painful when we start to look at all the expectations we have for our children and our lack of integrity and honoring those same expectations in our own life again and again, it comes back to us. Do our work, remove our planks. Then we see things with more clarity, compassion and connection. Life with our children is always better when we cultivate those virtues. And it starts with us. It always starts with us. It always does. Sending you big love and blessings.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time, keep rocking it and have an awesome day.
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