+1: This Shouldn't Be Happening (#023)

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have.

Hello, this is Alexandra. Welcome to another Optimize+1. Think about the last time you were triggered by something your child did. Jot it down or bring it to mind. Okay, now rehearse it in your mind. Think about your thoughts, what was going on in your head. See if you can pinpoint any. I have noticed again and again that there's usually a thought that this shouldn't be happening. My child shouldn't be doing that. And when I believe that thought, there's an urge to stop whatever they are doing in that moment. And sometimes I might even say stop it if I'm not being mindful. Yes, my 3 year old might say stop it to our dog with that tone of voice. Sometimes I have no idea where she got that from. Eek. Alright, so let's dissect this a little bit by using Byron Katie's work. How do I feel when I believe the thought my child shouldn't be doing that? How do I feel when I believe this shouldn't be happening? I personally feel constricted. There's a feeling of urgency to correct the behavior, like I need to do something right then and there. I feel shame. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I feel like I'm the only one that has a child doing this thing. I'm all up in my head and I stop actually connecting with my child. What goes on for you when you believe the thought that your child shouldn't or should be doing something else? It can be anything, something your child has said or did. They may have taken a toy from another kid, said something rude, thrown something at someone, made a hole in the rug, painted the wall, wouldn't take a bath, get in the car or do their homework. Just become aware of all the times the thought this shouldn't be happening comes up. Just take note. Feel the feelings. Notice what you do when you believe that thought. How do you treat yourself, your child? Just notice what images come to mind. Now who would you be without that thought? The thought that this shouldn't be happening? There's usually a lot more compassion, love and empathy that flows when we stop believing the thoughts that cause us pain. When we take the time to question our thinking, we can have a more expansive perspective. What if I believe the thought that my child should be doing exactly what she's doing? How do I know she is because she's doing it. As Byron Katie says, arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark. Not great. I suffer every time I try to change my child's behavior before I investigate my thoughts. Yes, of course we need to set limits and hold boundaries for our children and help them learn how to navigate the world more gracefully. But we want to do that from a calm and centered place. We can choose connection over reaction. We can be curious about our behavior and our children's behavior. A lot of times we think we need to do something right then and there, but most of the time we don't. We can step back and do our work and then address the so called issue at a time when we feel more peaceful and less triggered. This takes mindfulness, but it's so much more rewarding and beneficial when we treat our children like we'd like to be treated today. Notice anytime you feel like something shouldn't be happening, notice the thoughts, the emotions, the things you do. When you believe this thought, see if you can step back, do the work and choose a different response. If you don't do it today, there will always be another opportunity to practice. Kids are really good at supporting our personal evolution and transformation. AKA shining the spotlight on all of our triggers. Sending you big love and blessings.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.