Design + Heal Your Life with Elena Brower

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have.

All right.

I am Alexandra J. Johnson and welcome. Today we have an amazing guest, Alina Brower. And she's amazing. I love her. She's one of my favorite peeps. She just, I feel like being in her presence, you just drop into your body, you drop into your heart, and you can, like, just take a deep breath. Like, life is good. So I'll give you, like, the professional bio for her. She is a mama, a teacher, a speaker, the co author of Art of Attention.

Gorgeous first edition.

Yes, I know. Hey, gorgeous book. And she has taught yoga since 1999. And after graduating from Cornell University in 1992 with a design degree, she worked as a textile and apparel designer for six years. And she's been stylish, studying with master yoga teachers since 1997. And she's been influenced by several traditions, and she offers yoga and meditation as a way to approach our world with realistic reverence and gratitude. Welcome, Elena.

Thank you so much for having me, honey.

So wonderful. I just love being in your presence. Like I said, thank you.

And just so you know, guys, Jonah's getting a piano lesson in the other room, so you might be hearing that. So sorry for the noise.

That's beautiful. We can hear the beautiful almost 8 year old playing the piano. Yes. It's a good reminder that, you know, life is a practice. We're all practicing.

It's always a practice. Luckily, he likes it, so I don't have to talk to him about practicing. He just does, you know, it's like part of what he likes to do. Thank God.

That is awesome.

Yeah.

Okay, so speaking of practice, yoga being one of your main practices. Tell me about yoga. Like, what is yoga for you? Why have you been practicing it since what, 1997?

I was brought to my first class. I fell in love with it immediately, mainly because I had been taking ballet lessons to feel more connected to my body, and I thought that was pretty great. But then yoga came along and it was a whole different vernacular, a whole different conversation. I loved it right away. And I practiced by myself for a.

Long time, went to some classes, but.

Really was on my own, just figuring things out. I lived abroad for a couple of years, and in that time, my practice was very important to me because I didn't really have friends. You know, I made a few along the way, but I was living in Italy and I learned enough of the language that I can communicate with the seamstresses and the sample makers. But it wasn't like social, you know, conversation. And I did my very best and I made some great friends. But the practice really kind of held me in place. It was not until a few years later when I realized that I didn't want to be in that business anymore and I wanted to teach people. So I thought I was going to be an art teacher to kids. And I got trained to do that. And that was beautiful and great training for me. And then I started teaching yoga. I began with Cindy Lee, who opened OM Yoga right around that time. And I was in her first, the first teacher training that she held at the new studio, which was actually the old one before Broadway. And ever since then I've just been finding my way. And I spent a lot of years with John Friend learning Anusara. And that was excellent because I really got a good handle on alignment and just how to care about the emotional component of why we practice, the relevance emotionally of why we practice. And now I'm pretty lit up by Rod Stryker and Naveen. Michonne Naveen is the founder of a studio called Katona Yoga. She has one in Bedford Hills, New York and one in Chelsea in the city. And you know, Rod is so the practices are so delicious and so much about the interior and so much about healing through very, very ancient and time tested practices. And Naveen has come up with her own, her own understanding of how different peripheral parts of the body link up to interior organs and how to make the periphery, for example, the balls of your feet and how they relate to your lungs and to make the balls of your feet very springy and very much a part of the foundation actually opens up your lungs. How the wrists, the wrist bones are actually mirrors for your collarbones. And to flip them actually gives you access to a more open collarbone which gives you a greater access to the top of your lung. There are so many cool things that I'm learning from her. And she's also just the fact that it's a woman and she's older, you know, she's in her late 50s and so mid-50s, late 50s. So it really makes a difference to me to look up to a woman. It's been men for so long for me, you know, as teachers. So that's where I'm at right now. And my body's getting good and strong with Naveen. It's really good. And I get to see Rod a couple of times a year. And I'm going to get trained as a para yoga teacher because I think the value of what he's bringing in terms of the honoring of his teacher, Rod's value, is that he has a teacher. And that's something very special to me, too, to have a teacher who has a teacher.

Yeah, I love. One of the things I love about you, and you know, you say this is that you're a student. Like, you just always seem like you. You know, you've been practicing for a long time, but you. You're always want it. You're always curious about something new, for sure.

I think that was the most important thing that I learned this year. This year was the year that I needed to eradicate.

Really.

Really. My volatility in my house was done, and I had to really get it this year, and I did. And one of the main things was what you just said. Repeat what you just said for me.

Your curiosity, one of the main things.

Was to stay when you feel like.

You'Re about to get enraged, to stay curious instead of presuming that it's the way that you think that it is that would make you so mad. And the curiosity has helped me a lot. Like, oh, what's this person intending here? Instead of rushing off to the presumption or the assumption it's okay, what. Can I ask you another question, you know, before things get silly?

Right. So that, I mean, I would love to hear more about just in that of what you were just saying, like with your family, with your partner, what were you really trying to work with?

I had a very serious reactivity when in moments of rushing, particularly the morning stands out as what I needed to really fix. Truly. Truly. So now I get up a lot earlier, I do a practice. I make sure that I'm totally connected to myself so that nothing anybody else does can move me in either direction. I'm right here, and it's okay. And if we're a little late, it's okay. And if you are a little disorganized, it's okay. You know, whatever's going on around me is fine. And that was not the case for too long, and I'm glad to have that released. And, you know, I think the main impetus. There were two things that happened. One is that I went to see Dr. Mark Hyman at the Ultra Wellness center, and I got all my blood work and I got all my supplements, and I'm on month four, and I feel so much better, and my body's still kind of clearing out like still, you know, one week I'll have the best skin I've ever seen, and then the next week it's like, wow, I look like I'm 15 again. There's still something else. Detoxing. You know, there was that and there was also this dire need to stop witnessing. In those moments of anger, you know, our whole body goes into a very serious reaction. It's not just like, oh, I feel so bad in my belly, or I feel so bad in my mind, I'm getting a headache. It's like a real chemical reaction happens when we get stressed out and those stress reactions accumulate over time, and then we end up with cancer. We end up with, you know, things we can't forgive and people we can't. We can't apologize to. And I think it was mostly that sitting with Tom Knowles, who became my meditation teacher this year. Sitting with him made me realize he's also a neuroscientist who talks about how the meditation, when you sit, it, it releases these accumulated stress reactions from your tissues. So I have lots of twitches when I meditate, which is not very surprising because all the ways in which I used to use my hands to hurt myself and always I have twitches like that when I'm meditating. And just to see that that's really what I needed to stop accumulating the moments in that, like, really crazy, sort of tied up place, that made a big difference. So that was this year. I figure if I do it by the time I'm 44, which is in a few weeks, I'm in good shape.

I love that you're bringing that up, just the anger, because I think that's a common thing for so many women. And it shows up in different ways, I think, for all of us. But to have those moments of like, and then suppress and then suppress, you know, So I appreciate you bringing that up.

Well, the thing, I guess the thing is that it's not about suppression anymore. And it has to really be about transmutation, transfiguration. Like, how do I change that feeling with all its momentum and all its, like, presence, really a presence in me. How do I turn that momentum into food for something else, you know, into some kind of tenderness?

And then I love that too, what you're saying, the curiosity of, like, that's like, you know, asking a different question, you know, just redirecting that. That intense passion, AKA anger.

Yeah, yeah. Just making it have another face, another. Another. Another way, another direction.

Right. And do you think that meditation, you know, because you've obviously been practicing yoga for a long time. And do you think meditation is really kind of like the missing piece for you or has been really kind of like the catalyst for you to kind of move through this?

There are two. I think there are two missing pieces. And one has been meditation, for sure. Got me through, like one of the hardest times in my life with total ease. I'm on the other side of it and it's about five, six months later. And, you know, that could have taken a really long time, was healing from a breakup, and now we're best friends. The other part is really designing your life and making sure that you are having a vision for the parts of your life that you don't really have a vision for. There are certain parts of us that we know exactly where we're going. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm having this many babies. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm having this job until this year, and then I'm going this job next year and then I'm going to be this person. And then in other areas, we have no direction whatsoever. Just kind of like willing to say, yeah, I'm gonna wait and see. And if we have that attitude in any one of the areas of our lives, we're just struggling against ourselves. So to have a design for all the parts of ourselves and all the areas of our lives that have to be, you know, sort of reconciled and clear, it creates in us a real willingness and an enthusiasm to wake up in the morning. It's our own choices. Rather than I'm waiting and seeing what happens with this person and then maybe I'll go and do this, you know?

Right. So is that like, do you like. When you say design is that you, like, have intentions or you're like, very clear about, like a written out vision written out, like a plan, like, this is where we're going.

I'm going to read you some.

So I work for.

I don't know if you know this actually, Alex, but I work for a company called the Handel Group. And you do?

Yeah.

What's magic about that is that you really do have to have a vision for every area of your life. And when you get one, there's a real sweetness and an ease because one, it's a little bit out of reach, but two, it's a little bit that you can see it and you can kind of smell what it's going to smell like from the perspective of the person who's having that dream, which is such a beautiful Thing, because who raises their kids like that? Like I'm raising Jonah like that. But we were not raised like that. So I don't know. There are 18 areas. I'll give you some, and then I can read you one or two. The body, Career, Money. Relationship with another. Romance, Sex, Sex, Community, Character traits, Family. Relationship to self, Bad habits. Home, Personal space. Learning. Fun and adventure. Spirituality, health. Pick one.

That's so cool. You want me to pick one?

Yeah.

Spirituality.

Very short one for me. I sit consistently and respect my practice. I practice yoga regularly, which makes me strong in my body and connected to my spirit. I feel aligned with the heart of my heart and the source of all teachings. So when I read that and I wake up in the morning, I update these all the time. But when I read that, if I wake up in the morning and I don't do the one little tiny sit down right here where I am, act to connect to myself, how silly is that? I have this beautiful dream, you know, why would I not do the one small thing toward that dream?

Right? And do you think that you said that there's 18. Does sometimes that, like, get overwhelming for you? Like you have 18 areas that you're working towards?

Well, you know, you. For me, when I'm coaching, I also have a coach. But when I'm actually doing the work of coaching, my favorite thing is just to work on a couple at once. So, for example, I don't have this issue, but if somebody has a real issue with their body image, I'll have them work on their body dream and really just make a few. The magic of the method goes a little bit deeper because you rate yourself with regards to what that dream is. You rate yourself in terms of the reality as it stands now. Anything below an eight or a nine, you go in and you see, okay, so why don't I have the body that I wanted? Well, I am too lazy. I don't have enough time. I eat really late dinner every night and I don't eat breakfast. There's a whole list of things. And so we go into the list of reasons why people don't have their dream, and we say, okay, so eating late every night, what does that mean? Well, it's. My work is, well, what's your career dream? Then suddenly it's like, oh, actually, my career dream has nothing to do with the reality that I'm working in right now. I'm going to reconfigure that. And these things take time. Six months, a year. There really is a beautiful overhauling that I've seen happen so many times. People break up, they get together, people succeed, they drop things, they lose friends, they gain friends. But all in all, there's a clarity to one's life when one is really having a design. And yes, it's overwhelming at times, but yes, if you break it down into parts and particles, you have something very exceptional which is a relationship to yourself, you know, that you didn't have before because you were sort of waiting and seeing.

There's also, as you're saying that it's, there's like you're standing in your power and like saying, strongly these are my desires. Like, I think that's a big thing for us women to be confident of. Like, this is what I want. Yes, that's been a huge part for me of like, oh, wow, this is what I want. Not this isn't for somebody else, this isn't for, you know, because it looks good or it's like, no, this is just, this is me. This is me that feels vulnerable and.

Vulnerable and also very strong and very inspiring. And we always, you'll always notice if this hasn't been a part of your.

Repertoire, those of you listening that when.

You take that and make that you. This is what I want. This is what I'm working for. This is what I'm doing. Everybody around you will notice your enthusiasm and they will, they will help you, you know, they will help carry you towards that direction. It's a beautiful thing.

And do you read them like every morning? Do you have like a practice of like reading your 18 or you read the ones that you're working on? Like what's your kind of ritual around it?

So I teach very frequently the coaching and so basically on any given week I have at least one hour with a group on the phone, whether it's a big group or a smaller group. Right now I've actually got two a week going. A larger group doing an intro course and then a smaller group doing a very in depth 12 week. So I'm reading my areas all the time because of the work that I'm doing. I have to have them every time.

I look at them.

If there's something that's like not quite updated, not quite true anymore, I have to redo it because I'm sharing this with the students with whom I'm working. And it's important that things are up to speed and true. I'm most potent when I'm telling the truth, obviously. And it's really important to me that, that that's always kind of very current.

Yeah, I love that about you. There's like just numerous. You know, I've watched interviews, I've talked with you, just in general, just you feel like you have a commitment to being in integrity and being authentic no matter what.

Yes, it's true. It's true. And the fun part is I have fallen off so many times, and I have all these promises that I have to be honest with people. So, like, I've. When I've snuck smok. Lied about where I was or something, I always have to tell people within like, five minutes to 24 hours. And every time, it's always the funniest thing, because had I gone on with the lie for too long, it would have ruined me and ruined whatever relationship I was having with the person to whom I was lying. But if I just tell the truth in the moment, it's like I am human. I so sorry. I didn't mean to lie. I'm so sorry. And hiding stuff is just never.

So. I'd love to talk more about that. Just like honoring your word and your promises and keeping your commitments and just coming clean with when you are inauthentic and lying. So can you just talk a little bit more about that and why that's so powerful and why it's so potent?

The most important part is coming clean because we all have this weird tendency to lie, cover up, hide. We think we have to give a certain side of ourselves to the world, and that's just an assumption and not necessarily true. And the practice of coming clean is a really good one because it really does build a bridge between me and whomever it is to whom I've lied. It builds a bridge, and it's really a very sweet thing to go to somebody close to me and say, hey, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I told you that stupid lie, but I did, and I'm sorry. Here's the truth of the matter, and it's always like, huh, okay, I got it.

No problem.

You know, and then I'm more human and the whole interaction becomes more grounded.

Why do you think that we lie?

There are so many reasons. I mean, we want attention, we want love, we want to be cool. We want to be right. We want to be smart. We want to be ready. We want to be supportive. So we'll lie to be supportive. Oh, my God. The list goes on. Yeah.

That's awesome.

That's kind of, you know, we just. We want to be great, and sometimes we're not. And it's good to say when we're not being great. Better than pretending that we are. It only hurts us inside. It's sort of like road rage. I make this comparison quite a bit where you're sitting in your car, some other guy in some other car is pissing you off, and you're getting mad in your car, but nobody else knows you're getting mad. So the only person who's suffering is you. Nobody knows you're lying. I mean, they probably do energetically, particularly.

Your children, but it's not like they're.

Going to actually say anything. And the only person who's really, truly suffering is you. So that's something I really try and avoid because I saw how that was hurting me and I saw how it hurt. You know, there are people in my family who were hurt by that. And I don't.

I don't.

I want to be hurt like that. And I try and keep it out of my space and try and keep the flow really clear as much as I can.

What has been. How do you navigate, you know, because there's. When you're coming clean, there's. You may be a little nervous. Everything in you is telling you that you don't want to say this to this person and you feel like, you know, lame and whatever. So how do you kind of push through it? You just do you have a vision at the other side. Like, what's your kind of. I'm doing this. What's your.

Why?

Well, with the hand all method, there's a couple of things that we do. There are good examples regarding my mom. When she was super, super sick a couple of years ago, I was busy manifesting her full recovery. And so I would write down and picture and sit with scenes of her on her tooth. She had just gotten a bone marrow transplant. It was really painful. And she was, you know, just this shy of zero immunity. And everything was. It was a wreck. And we didn't know, you know, we didn't know what the outcome was going to be. And so I kept seeing it. She was standing in the garden, it's July. I can see the dust motes and the gnats in the air. My kids there. And she is gardening, standing up. Awesome. You know, and I can hear Jonah's voice. And I can even tell you that she has two jobs. You know, nothing was more preposterous than. Than that at the time, but that's.

How we get those.

That's an example. If you have a really hard conversation that you want to have with somebody, you can write down the feeling of having had it. And everything having gone well, as well as possible. Wow, it feels so good. The space between me and X is clear. I did a great job. I showed both grace and wisdom in my conversation and everything is out in the open and it feels really, really good. I'm going to sleep so well tonight. Stuff like that, that's what we call a manifestation. You can call it whatever you want, but to sort of have the end game very, very clearly delineated in your mind to the best of your ability is always a good idea. And then regarding tough conversations, it's worth it to note, and this is a subject in and of itself, that those two words, grace and wisdom. Grace is how you say what's needed to be said, which is the wisdom. And so you want to keep your, your balance of those two things really keen and, you know, really clear.

So.

That you, you're always considering how you're saying the hard thing that needs to be said. And that makes a big difference.

I love that. So what about, since we're on this, what about when you have a hard conversation, like let's say it's your spouse or it's your friend or it's your co worker, your employer, employee, whatever, where you're not loving their behavior or something is irritating you or like you really feel like it's impacting you and your relationship with, with them. How do you, how do you navigate that, like, conflict?

The best thing that I know to do. Now I'm doing some more studying on conflict resolution because I think it's worth it for me to really understand it.

Soup to nuts.

From a lot of different perspectives. From my understanding, what has worked the best for me is for me to go in and own what my contribution was to the dynamic. Even if somebody is terribly, terribly wrong in my eyes, like awry, super wrong, I can go in and say, hey, I know that I added to it by inventing that. You meant this by saying this, by acting like this, by hiding this, by lying to you about this. And as hard as that may seem, especially when people are pulling some egregious criminal behavior on us, to own what we did to perpetuate the rift is of great value. Great value. And also, especially if we're parents.

Whether.

The children are privy to the conversation or not, the energy changes in the house and it shows up in them. They're able to pick up on, you know, when one of a couple, I don't want to use the word capitulates, but one of a couple really comes through and says, okay, this is what I can own of my partner. The children of that couple really benefit. Their nervous systems benefit from seeing a softening in one of their parents.

It's amazing how they wire to our nervous system. I mean, nutso.

Nuts.

Animals do it too. Our dog is like crazy sensitive.

They know. They all know. It's like, you know, the dogs come over to the yoga mat. Whenever you unroll that yoga mat, dogs, pets, whoever's around, they're coming. Gerbils. Yeah, they know. The children and the animals, they know they have no veils. They don't have to worry about rent or anything. They're just on energy vibes.

That's awesome. Okay, so I know that you've done a lot of work with energy. You've done like the Reiki and we met him in the yoga crib. You came to our house. It was like two years ago.

Do you remember when we went to Ojai to the yoga crib and Mishi was there?

We met them then we went to their house.

They had a brand new baby and we had a beautiful lunch.

Remember?

No. Sort of.

That was a long time ago. Two years is a long time in.

An eight year old's life. How's my sound without the headphones? Are we still cool?

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're totally cool. Great.

Let's keep going like this. You want to stay for a little bit? Okay, cool.

So we're talking about energy. You've done the healing work and you know, you've done the Reiki and the prana, pranic healing. So I'm just curious on that. Yeah, I would love to know more about that of like, how do we tune into our energy? How do we heal our energy? How do we tap into this life force, this prana that's flowing through us and work with it?

Yeah. I studied so many different things and I've taken something from every healing modality that I've studied. But when I get asked this question.

The first thing I always think about.

Is a practice, a kundalini healing practice called Satnam Rasayan. And I talk about it a lot. I want more people to know about it. The main point of this healing practice is to acknowledge any resistances that we have to anything in the room. So as yoga teachers, we acknowledge the resistance that we have to that guy over there, that gal over there. As mothers, we acknowledge any resistance we have to our spouse, to our child, to our friends. In acknowledging the resistances, we don't have to go saying something to them. It's just knowing in our bodies that, oh, I have a resistance. How funny is that? And then kind of just letting it dissipate with the acknowledgement of it. It loses its hold, its charge on us. And so it kind of dissipates. That opens the healing space, what's called the sensitive space. And that's where we become great listeners. And if I've learned anything from all these different healing modalities that I've explored, it's that if I'm not listening, I have no power. And by power, I mean just compassion. Capacity to hold space for somebody else's body to go into a healing space. I myself, I'm not healing anybody. I'm just encouraging their body to seek out what it would normally seek out with a little more facility, with less of the veil that the person has thrown over it. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it does. I'm curious, the. The listening, what does that. What does that mean for you?

It means so many different things, but if I'm not. If I'm not really quiet enough inside of my own body to perceive what may or may not be happening in somebody else's body, I can't help them. I can't help them. I can help if I'm super quiet. What's that? Sweet. For 10 minutes. You'll come back in here at 6. 15. Nicole. All right, cool. If I'm not able to listen, well, I don't have any. I don't have any capacity to help anybody else.

That's true. When we just acknowledge it, do we, the resistance, anything that we're having, and we just settle into that, we create a healing space? Is that what you're saying?

Just by taking a moment to see, okay, I'm scanning my body. Are there any places where I'm holding anything? And is this having to do with anyone else? Is just having to do with me? And just in asking those questions, like, when do we ever do that?

We're on our.

We're dealing and asking those questions. The space kind of opens up for everything to seek out its natural path. It's the third law of thermodynamics. Everything is moving back into a state.

Of order and.

Slower, more. What is the word I'm looking for? Everything's moving back to a state of order.

I love that.

Yeah.

And it's interesting because I think sometimes it was just a beautiful image that you painted for. There's, you know, sometimes you wonder, like, okay, everything's energy. And you're like, in the space, and you're like, okay, is this really true. And you're kind of maybe having negative thoughts. Okay, I'll just talk. Speak for myself. I have this. You know, I'm having opinions about somebody or whatever, and I'm like, is this stuff even. I mean, is this really even making a difference? You know? But then, as you were just saying, owning it. And then there is. There is a harmony, there is a resonance, that when you do get into it, there is order in the invisible. So I just saw like, oh, everything, like behind the scenes, invisible, just coalescing.

Exactly. That's really well articulated. And then. And then there's the whole bit about when you're. You could take it to the physical body when you're meditating. We sort of touched on this before. But when you're meditating, how your body is finding. Finally going into the space where it can drop into healing space. Think about when you get a cold, okay? Get a really bad cold, even a flu, and you can't be in the world. You have to go to sleep because your body has to get into the healing state. Meditation brings us into that state of slowdown so that the body can reach for its own healing the way that it normally would without all of the trapping, you know, the phone and the schedule and everything that we typically pile on ourselves.

Your definition of healing, just from what I'm hearing when you're talking about it, is getting back to that inner harmony. Like that natural state is healing, just.

Letting some time and quiet into the day so that your body has time and space to find its way. You know, our bodies only want to heal. It's precisely why when we get sick and we rest for two days, it all gets better. Body's only working towards healing. So when we stop blocking the healing is when always the healing can happen most efficiently.

And aren't we blocking the healing a lot?

All the time. All the time. Opinions, assumptions, you know, schedules. Oh, my God, the way that we eat, sugar, wheat, dairy, all of that, you know, puts us in a fog. I'm so confused. I'm so sad. You know, all these things that I've been through it all, I felt it all, and it all felt very, very real. But really it's just a function of what's going in my belly, what's going in my mind, and then what that chemical reaction cascading through my body is creating in the form of a thought. You know, thoughts are really the children of our emotions. We have a feeling down there. It's all crazy. We're not breathing. We have no mitigating factor. And that crazy feeling becomes, boom, a movie in our minds. Oh, well, this is true about that and this is true about that, and.

It'S never going to change.

And so I'm going to act like this when really I just made up everything. I don't have any idea what's really true about anybody else's motivations at all unless I ask them. And now I'm acting on my invention and now I'm feeling confused and sad. Add to that the dietary stuff and then you've got like a real big mess on your hands and a very busy body, busy handling the thoughts and the products and the food. Not really able to just be present in the heart space where we should be all the time or as much of the time as possible.

And it feels. I mean, I. As you were talking about, I've kind of been on all those spectrums, you know, through my. Through my own journey and having tasted the feeling of healing and connection. And then when I'm off of it. When you're off of it, you know. You know, and. But it also feels really real. Like, you know, like you said, you're like, oh, wow, I'm feeling confused or I'm feeling frustrated or whatever. And it's like, yeah, I'm like, wait a minute, what did I just eat? What did I just think? Like looking at those things that I'm ingesting and it's like, it's right there. Like, okay, that makes sense. It's not them out there, it's what I'm actually ingesting, mind and body.

I just learned too, that red food, when you're feeling very volatile. I don't know why I never knew this red food is to be avoided. You know, tomatoes and peppers and things that are red and aggravating.

Right. Makes you a little more feisty.

Yeah. So interesting. Anyway, the food thing we could talk about for days, Mark has taught me so much about. I think I was ingesting something like 60 to 80 grams of sugar a day. I didn't know. Green juice, give me a green juice. Give me an acai bowl. Give me a couple pieces of dark chocolate. Give me an apple, thing of berries.

Don't give me any protein.

I was not eating enough protein at all. And it turned out, you know, I was like pre diabetic.

Wow. Like, you get your blood sugar tested.

And it was pre diabetic, had everything tested.

Wow, that's awesome.

When you do that big battery, it's very costly, but it's very worth it. And to Find out that I was pre diabetic and by the way, must eat protein or else, you know, my body's eating itself, basically, you know, and that's how in my particular constitution, that's how an autoimmune situation was just starting to, like, show through. I was having weird skin stuff on my hands. Fascinating.

It's amazing. It is amazing. With the. You know, I say that I don't like nutrition, although I spent 20 years reading and studying it and having to figure out what's going on with my body and my own issues. And it's so pillar. So pillar. Like, if my nutrition's not on, it's wrecked. I am not sparkly Goddess.

And especially, like, in around the time of our cycle, Mark's got me on a couple of supplements. One of them is evening primrose oil, and one of them is a supplement called Femme Premenstrual by Metagenics. Helping a lot. I'm 44, and my mom actually reported that she had menopause by the time she was this age.

Early bird.

I'm managing that, too. And I can see already how it's totally happening. It's very humbling, which is very good. And I don't. I don't have a huge problem with it, but it's really nice to have supplements that I can turn to and ramp up in those moments. So I feel like I'm taking care of myself, changing, you know, change how I'm eating a little bit on those. On those days, and, you know, really be careful to eat frequently. Anyway, this. I'm.

The sugar's huge sugar. Especially when you think you're eating healthy. I mean, I was very. I don't know how much sugar I was doing, but I was like, oh, I'm totally doing it. I'm doing my smoothie. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. You know, like, I got it. And then I did my blood work, too, and my, you know, my trainer was like, yo, you might want to just tame down the sweet. I'm like, I'm not doing sugar. I don't do sugar. But he's like, the fruit sugar. Like, all of that adds up. And within a couple months, it just drastically dropped. And he was like, okay, that's better. I'm like, wow, that is fascinating. And I felt way better.

Way better and way more steady. Yeah.

Juicing and shakes.

We have to be so careful because it looks and feels and feels so good. But it really does mess with the natural flow of things in our bodies and how we Absorb protein and other nutrients.

I'm just curious, are you not doing any green juice?

Gosh, I will have one or two a week. And now I have the ones that don't have apple, so they're not nearly as fun.

My juices now, and it's like, I have one right here. And it's like. I mean, it's okay.

It's super bitter. It's got lemon, it's got ginger. It's got maybe, like, a little bit of apple. But generally speaking, it's like, it's tart. But once you get past that, the feeling in my belly is not dissimilar to when I have apple cider vinegar, you know, and it's like, whoa, going down. It's so crazy. But then it feels really good moments later in there.

Nice. Okay, so the nutrition, what just came up for me is the niche. I was just thinking about how that creates space in our bodies and our minds for us to just live an awesome life. But what other ways have you found and do you teach to create more space in our life? Like space in our bodies, space and fluidity in our minds, and just creating that openness so that we can drop down into our hearts.

So the yoga practices that I've been doing lately have so much to do with that. I said it at the beginning of this time that we've spent together, where there's a really nice way to pair up the peripheral parts of the body with the interior organs to find where we can get more. She calls it bounce. Naveen. When you're in the right place, on your foot, for example, it's almost like the moment when you're hitting the tennis ball and it hits just the right part of the racket and it goes boom, right over the net. It's sort of like that. A yoga practice can be so well aligned, not rigid, but well aligned. So well aligned that there's actually a feeling of spring inside, like, bounciness inside. That has given me a lot of space in the fact that it's giving me more strength. That's the beautiful paradox. I get stronger and I feel more spacious. Like, I feel more in control of my body, more in control of my limbs and my muscles. And that gives me a feeling of space in my organs. And that's kind of what in meditation, of course, as I said before, all the Tom talks about the accumulated stress reactions just releasing every time we sit. They get a chance to just go away and you release and whatever of it that gets released in that moment, never to Be back again. Like it really as much as we accumulate it, when we release it in a state of meditation, it really does go and gone and then it will never be back the same way. That for me would be the best answer that I have right now.

That's great. So what about the heart? I know that you know and I feel this, you know, either while I want to watch it online or, you know, I've only been in your presence actually a live class once in Ojai, but it just feels like you're, what you're doing is dropping us into our hearts. Like there's the physical, there's a, you know, there's, there's the yoga and then there's like what's behind the yoga? And that's why I love your work is like you just connect us to something different and bigger and more expansive. So how do we live a more heart based life and really come from our hearts and not come from our past and not come from our judgments and not come from our mind but really come from our heart and what is our heart?

So I'll answer backwards best I can. I think the heart is where when we're present, we have, we're able to connect to the closest people in our lives with a lot of compassion. That's when I'm in my heart. The main, the main symptom of being present in my heart is compassion. I can really feel into somebody else's experience, whether it's my mom, who I've typically been so mean to and withholding, or it's my lover or it's my kid, when I'm in my heart, I can feel into his experience and I can really serve. And then the second part, which was really the first part of your question was how do you do that on a daily basis? My best answer is that with regards to my kid and my lover and I've done this with my mom too a couple of times. Like, what could I have done better? Today might be the best question any of us could ever ask. And I do realize and totally acknowledge that it's taking us down kind of a negative route because, you know, we're bringing up something that maybe didn't work for somebody. In my experience. When I ask that question, it gives people free reign and a safe space to tell me what wasn't so great about what I had done that day. And what could I have done better is the question. Which brings us to, okay, so what could we have done better? You know what I mean? We're bringing up what was not so great. But we're saying what we could have done better. And usually we'll explore, like, how could I have said that differently? Okay, can I have a do over? And whether it's a child or a lover or parent or sibling, it works. It really works. People that feel like they can speak safely and communicate safely, those are good. Those are good connections, good families, good relationships. You know, you feel those as solid and honest. And you feel that in your body when you see it in front of you.

And there's like the, the person you going into it is like a. You're not aggressive, you're not like, you know, you know, you're not telling them. You're not, you know, you're coming in with a how can I, like as we talked about earlier, curiosity, how can I grow? How can I become better? It has nothing to do with that. They did wrong. Right?

You know, exactly.

And that takes humility. And to, to do that.

And truthfully, humility is the sexiest thing.

It is totally true.

It's all we ever want. You look at somebody who's truly humble, that is so ridiculously compelling. And it's something to practice, it's something to strive for, it's something to aspire towards. I absolutely believe that.

Totally. I love that. Okay, so I have a few more questions I want to talk to you about, like, body, body image, you know, like having more gratitude and reverence and sacredness for this temple. I think we as women can be a little harsh on our bodies. So what, what words of wisdom would you have for that?

Make it up. Make it a practice every day that you're, you're creating space to take care of yourself in a very particular way. So if it's, if you never take a bath, you start taking a bath, you go get some really nice salts, you get a little essential oil or something, and you start to take a bath. If you typically don't eat well, you ask for help from somebody who knows you have somebody who knows. You ask for help in designing a menu that you could follow for three days or five days or seven days, or you do your research and you go online and you find, you know, wheat free, dairy free, gluten free, sugar free. You will find it. It's all there. It seems like a whole big lot of stuff to do, but really what you end up coming down to is that when you, when you eat from the ground or from the trees, you develop naturally a respect for your body because you really are tuning in with the, with the rhythms of the plan planet. So it's not so hard. Even though it seems like a reach.

For some of us, for sure.

I definitely was raised on fast food. I definitely was raised on Arby's and McDonald's and Friendly's. And we had no idea that that was not a good idea. It was a big treat. And.

I didn't.

I mean, I had no idea. And to wean myself off of that over the course of college, basically, and start to cook for myself and then as I got to be older, you know, really take care of understanding what food is and what spices are and what herbs are. And, you know, it's like a. It's like a jungle gym for me. I get so excited to cook every day. It's part of the reason why I closed my studio. Like, it was fun, it was just untenable financially, but I really wanted to be cooking more. Like now I get to get off the phone with you and go cook. Super excited.

That is awesome. So were you always excited about cooking or that just has developed over the years?

No, no. It wasn't even something that developed naturally. I decided I had to. It was something I wanted to do and I had to do it. I had a couple of teachers in my early 20s and into my late 20s, and it was all about being a lady. And being a lady means you're in service to your family and it feels so good. You know, there was a part of.

Me for a very long time, I.

Was like, service, they have to serve me, you know, and when you really get to the place where that is actually a beautiful, beautiful. And time, time tested truth that we're here in service, we end up getting served, profoundly served when we do that. Being a lady means cooking really beautiful food to me. And so I learned how to do that. And that's been really fun. Being a lady means following my own dreams in a beautiful way, Feeling the power that I have, feeling the humility that we just discussed, compassion, you know, so all those things were things that I was trying to develop during my 20s and into my 30s. And now, you know, that I'm into my 40s. It's finally feeling like a natural thing. Not like I have to really do it all the time.

Right. But you had to have that discipline and that vision as we talked about earlier, to actually step into it, which I think is a key thing. It's just inspiring because we all have areas like that. And I was very similar with my nutrition. I did like egg whites and instant oatmeal. And that was, like, in college. That was it. And then I started getting into nutrition, and I was like, well, I mean, if I'm really getting into nutrition, I got to start cooking. I'm like, what the hell am I doing? No idea. And now I think I'm pretty pro. Maybe not pro, but pretty good.

No, you're a good cook. I remember the meal. I remember the kale and the coconut oil. You know what is actually funny? I may tell you this. For a while, you were the one who got me into really, truly cooking with coconut oil. I had a problem with the sweet or the taste at first, and now it's awesome. Now everything gets cooked in coconut oil. Very few things get cooked in olive oil. Now I can't stand eggs and coconut oil. I put that in ghee. Ghee with eggs is fabulous.

I love that. Okay, so other thing is beauty.

Yes.

Talk to us about beauty. Your relationship with beauty. What does beauty mean to you? I mean, I experience. Experience beauty being important to you. Is that a true story?

I think true beauty is when I am confident no matter what. So if I have spots on my face or if I'm feeling, oh, hello, post bathtub baby.

That, my friends, is beautiful.

That's beauty right there. That question is answered. Wait, wait. Let's make that face together. What face? When I make that face, Jonah can't say no to me. Whatever I need. Just make a super sad baby face.

Done.

Actually, I'll be done in five minutes. I'll lure you. I'll lure you, too. Is that even milk chocolate?

No, these are all darks. Because I deserve it. You know what? You always deserve it. And if you look in the. In the fridge on the left side. Wait, what? Whoa.

Two squares. And please close my bathroom door.

My bedroom door.

Donker Shane. Petition. Okay.

All right. Anything else you want to say on beauty?

No. I think true beauty is just trusting that we're all so beautiful and it doesn't matter what's going on on the surface. I feel the most pretty when I know who I am.

And it goes right back to the.

First question that you had, which is why I have a dream in the first place. When I know what my dreams are, I feel super beautiful. And I feel like, you know, my purpose is clear. There's something so beautiful about that. When you see somebody who's in that space, add that with a little bit of compassion. That's so nice to look at that.

So beauty for you is like living a beautiful life. It's not. And when I said I See you as beauty being important. Not that you, like, want to look all beautiful, but more just like I feel beauty around you. Like, just the way that you present yourself and the way that you dress and just, you know, your overall aura is beauty.

It matters to me. It definitely matters to me, and I really appreciate. It's mainly. It matters to me because I've appreciated so much in other colleagues of mine and friends of mine, and. And there's something so nice when someone takes the time to care about themselves and choose what they're adorning themselves with and how it's, you know, it's not about plastic surgery and it's not about, you know, changing who you are. Beauty comes when we appreciate who we are, accept who we are, and then really act from there. I think that's what's beautiful. And then there's the whole thing of me being born under the sun, sign of Libra, so everything has to be really pretty. And I'm always kind of tinkering with my house and all my sacred spaces. Of late, that has been a wonderful teaching is to share how to create a really beautiful sacred space. It's as simple as getting one photograph, one candle, a flower, cleaning up the area and making it. Making it sing, you know, and that. That for me, has been one of the areas that I worked on. Personal space and home are two separate areas, and to work on those areas makes me feel more alive and more potent and more. More powerful.

Yay. I love that. That's what my focus is for the next three months is home, family, rest.

How old is that baby now?

Two.

Yeah. So it's just about that time. You're kind of. You're kind of chasing a moving target right now. Yeah, it won't be for long. Like, soon you'll be able to really have a conversation where you know you can and you can't, but it'll be another year. So good for you that you're choosing rest as a priority right now.

Oh, my gosh. I have to.

Yeah. I mean, you'll be a better mama.

Yeah, I'm a much better mama. Without rested, Rest is key for me. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Beautiful. So is there any other last thoughts on rocking your goddess life? Any other things that you think are closing thoughts for women and how they can.

Yes, I have two things. Be kind and be elegant. And if you feel like you're falling short in any one of those areas, tell whomever it is that's in front of you that you feel like you've just fallen Short on those two areas and you would like very much to try again. Be kind and be elegant.

Be kind and be elegant.

Yes.

And ask for a do over if needed.

Ask for do overs if needed. It will make things very funny and very real and very sweet. You know, if you're doubting that that's an effective or efficient thing to do, just think about for one second your spouse or your partner or your best friend came over. Like, I so sorry. I just did that so poorly. Can I have a do over? You'd be like, sure. Cool. Let's see.

Show me what you got.

That's what.

Tona and I do it all the time.

That's so great.

It really is. And now James and I do it too. You know, he didn't. He had no idea what I was up to. And now he's going. He's gonna go do the. The Design youn Life weekend. So he's got all his 18 areas written out. He's pretty excited. But oftentimes he'll say something and I'll be like, I know you didn't mean it like that. Is it possible for you to say it in a different way? Because it came off like this to me, I'm inventing that it meant this. He's like, oh, God. Okay, I'll say it this way.

All better.

That was like gold what you just said. Super helpful.

I mean, for me, that's helpful for everybody. That's helpful for everybody. And also, if you're asking somebody to do a do over, make sure that they're aware that they are free to ask you when you say something that lands on them in a different way or they're inventing a meaning that you didn't intend. They get to say, hey, can I.

Have a do over?

Can you say that in a different way? And it's so beautiful. You know, these things are very simple, Alexandra. And there's. There's nothing convoluted or confusing about it. It really is just like being a good communicator. Asking for help when you need it. Being kind and being elegant.

A woman. Bring it. Okay.

So people can find you@elenabrower.com is the best way.

Things to look out for. I have an audio meditation course coming four weeks. Each meditation is about 40 minutes.

You don't have to listen to it all at once.

It's in chunks of time. And then for each week, you'll also get a shorter bonus meditation too, which is beautiful. There the weeks are. The first one is on Trust. One of them is on adventure. It's really cool. Really cool. So the meditation practice becomes demystified. And Germany, my German publisher is releasing a deck of cards based on the Art of Attention book which are beautiful. We are now seeking publishing in the States for those cards. So that will happen very soon. And the last thing is the book is getting released in a month or two by Hachette. So I'll be in Paris to release that. And those of you who are overseas in Europe, I'll be in Paris this fall. I look forward to seeing you.

Fantastic. Awesome. Lots of love, gratitude, appreciation.

Same.

Rock on.

Rock on, sister.

Rock on my guys. See you soon. Yes.

Okay, bye.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.