Live More Weigh Less with Sarah Jenks

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have some fun. Hello and welcome. I'm Alexandra J. Johnson, and today we have a rockin guest, Sarah Jenks. Sarah is awesome and gorgeous and amazing, and she's doing so much good work in the world, and she helps women who have struggled with weight for years to finally find a body and a life that they love, even if they've tried everything. She's helped hundreds of women lose weight and help them create a life that is a freaking blast through her signature program, Live More and Weigh Less. Welcome, Sarah.

Thank you so much for having me, Alexandra. I'm, like, so excited to be here. I don't always get on video and talk about this stuff, so I'm really happy to be doing this.

Fantastic. Well, I, you know, this is our first time connecting, and I don't know how I found you, but I just totally resonated with you and your energy and just your passion for life. And I really, I just love your work. So I'm thrilled to chat with you and I think you have so much crucial information for us goddesses nowadays.

Oh, thank you.

Okay, so one of the things that, I mean, I love many things about you, but one of the things I really love about you is your focus on fun. I think that is fantastic. So can you talk about why fun, play, adventure, romance is so important for women in regards to weight loss and then also just having a life that feels awesome and amazing?

Yeah, absolutely. So it's interesting. When I landed on fun as my core thing that I focus on in my program, I actually landed on it at a time when I thought I was going to move away from the weight loss world, and I was starting to get kind of sick of the way people were talking about things. And I didn't know if I wanted to be known as a health coach because I'm not the juicing green smoothie obsessed person. I mean, I do drink them every day, but I can't talk about greens all the time. It's just not for me. So I was starting to think about, okay, so what if I don't do weight loss? Like, what do I want to do? And I also, as I'm sure you know from reading some of my work, and as a lot of people sort of find after they work with me for a little bit, like, weight loss isn't really what I Teach. Actually, you know, it's sort of my Trojan horse to get women to sort of like, shake them conscious and get them to realize that having fun and having a beautiful life and a meaningful life and an intimate life is really important. So with fun, I feel like as. As women get older, we feel like fun is something that we did when we were children and not something that we should make the time and space for now. And we can sort of see it as frivolous. That's something that we really think about. Something that happens by accident or something that happens over, you know, ice cream or something that happens when we're like, oh, fuck it, I'm just with five girlfriends and like, we have 10 chocolate bars here, we're just gonna eat it. And like, a lot of us, like, that is the only time we have fun is when we're. When we're overeating and we're allowing ourselves to break free of the constriction, break free of the deprivation. And I just realized, like, I really want to help women see that they're worth making an effort towards having fun. And I remember reading this one section of I'm gonna botch the title, but it's what Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood, you know, and there's this one story about two women when they were in college and it was in the 50s, and like, everything was very buttoned up at the time. It started to rain and they decided to take off all their clothes and just run through the fields naked in the rain. And I remember reading that feeling like, I don't know if I've ever had an experience like that and isn't that sad? And how can I bring more of that into my life? And so now I worked really hard to get that into my life, and now I help other women do that. That just like blood pumping, super exhilarating, totally alive, no, like, show fun.

I love that. Okay, so I'm curious, you said you had worked at this. Is this like one of your strengths or you had to work at it? Like, are you naturally a fun and playful person?

I'd say, like, I'm naturally, like pretty light hearted and I can be playful. But I was definitely the person that made my studies a priority. I made just like be being a leader priority, my relationship priority and being serious, like having deep conversations, you know, and the only time I allowed myself to have fun was when I would just get totally wasted.

Dance on the tables.

Yeah, dance on tables and like doing keg stands and just the whole thing and I realized like there was obviously a need for it in my life, else I wouldn't be looking to alcohol to give me permission or to food to give me permission to let loose a little bit. So I definitely had to work on it, give myself permission because I'm like a high achieving person and I feel like I should be working all the time or doing things for other people all the time. And it was a muscle I had to work in order to make myself a priority. Because when you're talking about fun, you really have to put yourself first, else it's never going to happen.

Very cool. I love that. I love that you just share just kind of your background because it's like anybody can have that experience, you know. And every personality test that I do, there's always for me there's like a play fun. Like that's huge for me. Yet it's still really challenging knowing that that's one of my strengths to actually do it. Yeah, I mean, it's like you said, I think we're fun and play deficient.

Totally, totally fun and play deficient.

So how does that show up in our lives, you know, like. Cause I do think that there is this feeling of that it is frivolous and I have stuff to get done. I have a baby or I have a business or I have whatever and I don't have time. Like there's the feeling of I do not have time for that. You know, this is all Lala talk.

Yeah, exactly. So what I think happens is when we don't make time to have fun, we a lot of times overeat. Because overeating is all about having fun with food. And our relationships are fine, but maybe not amazing. Our work is probably fine, but maybe not flowing. Our friendships are supportive, but maybe not like super nourishing. And what happens is that when you don't have fun in your life, you're sort of living at 75%. And when you're living at 75%, everything takes a long time. So then we feel like we don't have any time for fun. But what I teach is that how can we really look at your schedule? Like actually bring out your calendar schedule in the fun, make it a priority and just do it for a week. Because we all have these belief systems that are like, if I have fun, then I'll lose all this money. My I won't be a good mom. Maybe my relationship will fall apart if I don't spend all this time, you know, nurturing all these different areas of my life. Everything's going to fall apart. I said, okay, well, let's just do it for a week. Nothing's really going to fall apart in a week. And if it does, you'll, You'll. It's only a small amount. You'll be able to put the pieces back together. So my clients will put fun in, you know, once a day or, like, for a long chunk, twice a week. And. And all of a sudden they feel like they have all this energy. They didn't eat half a pint of ice cream that night, so they're waking up without a sugar hangover. They feel super juice. So they're coming to their relationship in a much more, like, passionate, feminine way. They probably start having sex more that week. All of a sudden, now they have more energy. And especially for my clients, who are entrepreneurs, now they have something to talk about. You know, it's like, so many of us are selling a life and a lifestyle, but a lot of our actual lives are super boring, and no one would ever want to live them because we're just, like, spending all this time at the computer, and you just run out of things to talk about if you're not an interesting person and doing interesting things.

Cool. So let's say, do you have people coming to you and saying, you know, this sounds great, but I don't even know what would fun be like? Is there this feeling that we haven't played for so long, that, like, I have an hour. What should I do?

What should I do? Yeah, totally. So in my program, and I actually have a blog post that went out a couple weeks ago, so people should just, like, Google, like, Sarah Jenks, fun things to do. And it should come up. And I made a list, I think of, like, 70 different ideas. And what I do is I actually keep a list on my refrigerator because even, like, me, I teach this stuff in the moment I forget, you know, So I wish I could see my fridge from here. But, I mean, I usually have things like go to the de Young Museum, which is a really beautiful art museum in San Francisco, where I live. Go to the beach, grab your favorite magazine and sit in a cafe. Go get your nails done. And a lot of these things seem really simple, but it's a simple act. But actually, the action of putting ourselves first is huge regardless of what you're doing. And I think it's so important for people. Also, when people are really stuck, I would ask them, well, what did you do for fun growing up? And I remember my mom always tells this story, which I love. She said that Every day on the playground. When my mom was growing up, she threw dinner parties when she was in like kindergarten. And she'd invite different people on the playground and she'd like make centerpieces out of pine cones and, you know, find different things to make dinner plates. She have like, you know, stick forks. And my mom throws the most epic dinner parties now, and she loves it. And that's what she does for fun. And I think it's perfect when you can see that connection. You know, for me, I loved playing house. So, like, I would make these forts and I'd decorate them and I'd like change out different things in my room. And for me, fun is redecorating my house or rearranging flowers in a different way or maybe moving a blanket here or a throw there and just seeing how my space can be my canvas for art and creativity. And that's like so paired with what I did when I was little. So I think if, you know, for the women who are watching, really think about when you were 6 years old, what did you do? You know, what kind of make believe games did you play? Or were you doing sports? Were you running outside? Were you by the river or were you digging holes? And think about, like, what's the adult version of that?

That's so great. And as you were saying, and I was laughing, just feeling into it, because when I was young, I was very nature. I was getting all my friends and we were making movies and I had a cooking show, like I filmed, filmed. And I would, you know, make up all these stories and make people do things. And I was miss, like nature, running, sports. And one of my chores was brushing my hair. Like I was too busy doing stuff to brush my hair. And I was. Things haven't changed. That is not my strong suit. Like some days I just don't brush my hair. But it's just funny to see how those little pieces and a lot of the things that I did then, I do now. And it's so great to use that as a template to see what we love to do then. Yeah, that's so great. And I love that too, because I totally see that in your work of like, you're really into the beauty and you're into beautifying your home and all of that. I'd love to hear more about that. Just the beautification of your life and why you found that so important for you and for women.

Yeah. So it's interesting because, you know, I was obsessed with beauty my whole life, but really the shadow side of it. You know, it was about, how can I hide the ugly parts of me with a beautiful facade so that people don't really see who I am? And how can I make sure everything's perfect or the house is pulled together or my outfit is perfect or my makeup is perfect so that people will accept me? And that's a trap that a lot of us get stuck in. And that's not what I'm talking about when I talk about beauty now. When I talk about beauty now, like, to me, beauty is like, I have this really beautiful rose on my coffee table here. I'll just, like, pull out my. And when I look at this flower, this is a practice that my mentor, Elaine Khalila Doughty, taught me. And she said, instead of looking at the rose, feel the rose and feel where it touches you in your body. And so for me, the rose just, like, dives in and touches me at my heart, and it helps me awaken the love in me. You know, when I look at my china, I really try to look at it and sit with it. And to me, it wakes up, like, the community part in me of, like, loving to bring people together. You know, I look at blankets, I think about, like, wrapping someone I love up in a blanket or wrapping myself up in a blanket. You know, for me, it's a little aside. Wrapping myself up in a blanket and lighting a candle and reading a magazine or watching TV feels the same as eating a warm chocolate chip cookie. So I know when I want a warm chocolate chip cookie. What I actually need is my blanket, you know, and a good book and a candle. Because what I'm searching for is, like, self love and comfort and stillness. And I find when we have beautiful things around, it just, like, reminds us of who we are and what is important to us. And it doesn't have to be for anybody else but ourselves. And everyone's iteration of beauty is totally different. And with beauty with, like, clothes and makeup, I think it's an important tool to, like, there's, like, a couple different ways to look at it. It's sort of like a pendulum swing. So we have a state of what's true inside ourselves. And we can either hide that by not dressing up at all, or we can hide it by overdressing. Does that make sense? I think it's about each of us figuring out, like, where do our clothes and our makeup and our hair create a match for how we actually feel or how we want to feel? You know, because if I'm feeling, like, super dumpy and really down and really depressed. If I put on sweatpants and sweatshirt sometimes it's gonna make me feel more comfortable and happier and just where I'm at sometimes it's just going to perpetuate the depressed feelings, you know. And if I put on red lipstick and some huge diamond studs and just go for a walk sometimes that's enough to just like, get me out of the funk.

Yeah.

So I think we can just use it as a tool.

Have you noticed? Like. Because I definitely noticed. You know, as I was saying, I didn't like to brush my hair and it's literally been a chore for me of like, wake up and brush your hair. Which is almost embarrassing to say, but it's true, so. But I've noticed I started feeling better, you know, when I had these, like just putting moisturizer on or just brushing my hair. And, you know, if I'm gonna work out, putting on my workout clothes don't stick in my pajamas, you know, it totally makes a different. I mean, you just have a different experience and you're way more productive, don't you think? Like, you just feel more on.

Yeah, totally. Way more on. And what's interesting is that this is like some negative feedback I get from readers a lot. It's like, don't tell me to wear lipstick. And that's so anti feminist of you or whatever. And it's not about the lipstick or the makeup. It's about the effort, you know, and it's about like, maybe effort is the wrong word. It's about the, like, care of. I matter. And I'm gonna take some space for myself to do something nice for myself. And for someone that may not be makeup at all, but whatever it is, that's just a little bit into your edge that you wouldn't normally do. It's just like a radical action of saying I love myself I think is really important.

I love that.

So much energy. I mean, like, if I'm working in my sweatpants and like a crazy messy bun and I just rolled out of bed, it will take me eight hours to write a blog post. You know, if I shower and I try to pull myself together and I go to a cafe, it'll take me literally 45 minutes because I'm just on.

Right. Well, I love this too, because it's counterintuitive, right? This part, practice and the play practice. You think, oh, I don't have time to do my beauty practice, I don't have time to play. But when in fact, it could take you eight hours to do something or 45 minutes if you actually just give yourself that little, like, I don't know, fluff up.

I like that. Yeah. I run a retreat with my friend Nisha Moodley called Live Free. And what we talk about is focused hustle. And so it's not about the number of things you have to do, but how focused you are when you're doing that and how much care you're giving to your energy. And that's all we're talking about is like, these are all different ways to take care of your energy so that when you sit down to do something, it's like, that's what you want.

Totally. Which I love. Focused hustle. That's so great because we do get. And I think in our society, we can get distracted. There's like, there's 500 million things to do, and if you're working at home, there's tons of, you know, there's just so many distractions. So how, you know, how does somebody have that focused hustle, like, to do these things? And what else do you recommend for them to, like, get down and get busy and get it done?

Yeah, totally. No Facebook, no social media, anything, no email. So the way I treat those things is that is a specific task that I am doing. So when I am responding to emails, I try to respond to as many as I can in a half an hour window, or if I'm on Facebook, I respond, but I need to within a half an hour window. And when it's not in those windows, I just, I'm not in there and I'm just working on what I really need to be doing. And that works with my, like, the way my business is set up. For some people, they need to be checking their email all the time. And what I say to those women is, you know, maybe just check your email for the first 10 minutes of every hour. And still when you're checking your email, only do that and it's an activity, it's not a break. A lot of people think, like, I'll take a break on Facebook or I'll take a break checking my email. It's like, that is not a break. And so, you know, when you want to have a break, go outside, take 10 deep breaths, go for a walk, you know, like, splash some water on your face or get a spray or something. And if you take a real break, then the next hour of productive time, you're gonna do things twice as fast. And then you're done with your day at like 4 o' clock in the afternoon. You can go do whatever you want, right?

Fantastic. Okay, so now that we're on work, I know you write about this and talk about this as well. You know, what does work have to do in regards to women's happiness? And, you know, just, let's talk about work. Like, what if you hate your job? What if you're not doing what you want? Like, give us the work power.

I think a woman's career is so important. So, so important. I think the saddest thing that happens, and this happens a lot of my clients, they feel like they don't have a choice. Like, I can't make any more money. I can't leave this job. I'm stuck here. I don't know what to do. Na na na na. And I have a really great story that I want to tell. So one of my clients and live more, way less. Last year, she, on one of our coaching calls, she said, I hate, I hate my job. I eat because I'm in this job. It makes me miserable. She's a lawyer and she's like, and I just want to be an artist and I don't have time for my art. I don't know what to do. And I said, well, can you quit? She's like, no, I can't quit. She's like, I went to three years of law school. I. This is my third. This is my third position, you know, like the third company. It's like I get paid really well, but I still need to pay off my loans. My boyfriend depends on me for this income. My rent depends on me for this income. And I just told her, I was like, you have a choice. You know, yes, these are all true things and there are consequences to quitting, but you have a choice. And we probably talked about it like every week during my eight week program and this was all last year. She just sent me an email two weeks ago and told me she quit. And she just made it happen. She figured out how to postpone her loans a little bit. She had an honest conversation with her boyfriend, they moved, and she's now doing her art full time. And she's just. You could tell that she's just lighting up the sky. It's amazing. So I think there is something to be said about learning how to love the job you have. But I think the most important thing is for women to understand that they can create whatever they want. And it takes time and it takes consequences. It takes an investment, but it's possible and it's never too late.

I love that. So walk us through your journey a little bit, you know, because you. You know, you have your own business. And what was it like for you? What were you doing before you did this? And did you have to make any big leaps and.

Oh, yeah, I. I first started off in event planning. I thought I wanted to be an event planner. And then I moved into PR and had, like, the most hilarious PR experience. And I remember being in pr, and I was interning at the time because I couldn't get a job. So I was, like, working for free, which was crazy. And I was asking one of the associates, like, so how much money do you make? Like, because I, you know, I'm applying to work here, and I can't pay. He's like, oh, I make $24,000 a year. And I was like, pardon? In Manhattan. Oh, wow. And I'm like, I must have given her this look. And she's like, well, you know, we don't do it for the money. I'm like, what are you doing it for? Like, you're not saving whales or curing aids. You're promoting celebrities, you know? And I was like, oh, my God. Like, this is not happening. So then I started looking for a job, and they started working in advertising, and we. My client was Dove Chocolate, which has those little promises, and it was like, my, like, peak emotional eating time. So a lot of people have heard the story, but there's just this one moment when I ate an entire bag of Dove Chocolate Promises in the supply closet of my ad agency. There's even a time where I threw out a bar of chocolate and I took it back out of the trash can to eat it. I mean, it was that I was that deep into emotional eating, and it was. I was so unhappy in my job that I just. I needed food. And again, I wasn't making very much money and just, like, trying to make ends meet in Manhattan. And I finally had this moment. I actually just wrote a piece about this. So it's great that we're talking about it, where my now husband, then boyfriend, asked me, like, well, if you hate advertising so much, like, what do you want to do? And I never even thought about it. You know, I was just, like, I was doing what I was supposed to do, and everyone who graduated from my college was either an investment banker or a consultant. So I thought advertising was, like, kind of okay. But I didn't, you know, know I wasn't giving myself permission to really think outside the box. I remember saying, well, I really wish I could, like, teach women that there's A psychological component behind food. And I didn't know what that was. I thought I was going to go get my PhD in psychology. I thought about getting my PsyD or, like, maybe getting a social work degree. And then I stumbled upon the Institute for Integrated Nutrition and loved what they had to offer, loved their message. Enrolled in school, had not figured out any of my emotional eating stuff. I went way before I was ready. And. And then after school, I just quit my job. I had no clients. Jonathan took out some extra medical school loans. I think it was like $10,000. And with that, I had to, like, build a website, you know, do some marketing, and, like, live off of that for six months. I mean, it was hard. And so I wouldn't recommend that to people to just quit with no clients. But I was young and stupid, and I'm glad that was my path because I was just like, sink or swim. This has to work. And it took a long time for it to work. So many moments where I was like, I'm not going to be able to pay rent because I didn't want to ask my parents for money. And I think I probably did have to eventually to help pay rent, you know, Jonathan was in medical school. Like, we were broke, but you just keep praying and keep showing up and keep doing your best, and eventually something catches.

It's such a good message, too, of, like, following your bliss and also following your grunt. Like, the grit, the grunt. Like, there's some work that needs to be done. Because sometimes it can get, like, a little. And I've been in this place of, like, oh, I have these grand visions of what I want to do, you know, And I read in my journal, and then, like, the reality sets in of what you actually have to do to make that happen. You're like. It seemed a lot easier in my head.

Yeah, totally.

Than actually getting to work. So that's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, it's good. And I remember Jonathan and I had this moment when we realized, like, we couldn't let the glamor go out of our lives, even though we couldn't afford it, you know? So there's this one moment when we got all dressed up in our best, best outfits and we cooked a really nice dinner and we left the apartment and walked around the block, came back to the apartment pretending we were at a restaurant. And it was great. It was like, one of the best dates we've ever been on. And we just tried to do free things like that all the time because I knew when I was doing, I had to walk My talk and that fun was important and it doesn't have to cost a ton of money and you don't have to have a lot of time. You really have to make the time.

I love that. I love that your husband or boyfriend at the time was a boyfriend.

Yeah, he wasn't.

But now my husband, now he has been. So he was. Is he, like, all up for the fun and adventures? You know, he's a medical student, but so is he kind of like, you know, let's do this?

Yeah. I mean, what's great about Jonathan is that he is totally game and totally unavailable, you know, so he is. He works all the time. He's a resident. He's a resident now. So what's great about him is that he wants. Wants me to have as much fun as possible. And he just says whatever you need to do, wherever you need to travel, however, we need to set up our lives so that you feel free to do your thing. I'm in. And when I'm available, I will join you, you know, and so, you know, of course, like, I imagined having a life where my husband would be able to do everything with me, and eventually he will be able to, but I couldn't use that as an excuse to hold me back. And a lot of women do. It's like, well, if I only had a boyfriend, I would go hiking with my boyfriend or I'd play. I'd go to the park with my boyfriend. And I'm like, I don't do any of that shit with my husband. You're fine, go do it by yourself. And when you're out going on the hike and playing catch, you're probably gonna meet your boyfriend.

That is awesome.

Unless your SoulMate is the UPS guy, you're not going to meet him if you're not out having fun.

So I love that you have that with your husband. And like, he loves his work. Because my husband loves, loves, loves his work. And it's so great. And I love my work, but I also. I like to have fun and I like to go on adventures. So it's. It is. I can see how you can get stopped by, oh, you're waiting for your partner, or you're waiting to have the boyfriend, or you're waiting for something to happen in order for you to actually have fun. But you don't need anybody else. No.

And a lot of the story with a lot of my clients is they're waiting to lose 30 pounds, you know, before they can go do all those things. And it's like, you Got a body, you know? I know.

It's, isn't it? I love that you talk about this, too. You know, this is your Live more, weigh less that we stop living until we're at a certain weight or we look at a certain way, and it's, like, so. So depressing. I look at the things that I didn't do because I felt fat.

I mean, it's.

And even if I was a little bit overweight, nobody gave. Nobody gives a shit.

Yeah, no one gives a shit.

No, but it's, like, wasted, dysfunctional. Right?

You know, it's great. It's crazy what we make weight mean. Really crazy.

Okay, so I am curious about this. Live more, weigh less. Like, how. You know, we've been talking about it, but the idea of not focusing on weight loss, you know, because it seems like every woman I talk to is trying to either lose 5 to 10 pounds or 50 or 100. Like, there's always a conversation of trying to lose weight. So one thing that I love about you is that you say, stop focusing on the weight and focus on your life. So talk more about that. Which I love.

Yeah. So I mean, the reason why we always hear these stories about people saying, oh, I have 5, 10 pounds to lose, or I, you know, 20, 50 pounds to lose. It's because when we're focusing on the weight, you never lose the weight, you know, and it just becomes this thing that we're supposed to be doing all the time, you know, that doesn't actually work. It's, like, not a viable strategy. If wanting to be thin was a viable strategy, everyone would be thin. Like, it would be very simple, but that's just not the case. And, you know, like, sure, you can spend all of your energy going on a cleanse or, you know, like, juicing all the time or, like, really being super restrictive about your food. I call it being skinny for a living. And it's like, I don't want to be skinny for a living. I want to do something else with my life. You know, it's like, sure, I could be a size 4 if I wanted to. I would have to spend all of my energy being that size. It's just not my constitution. And so, like, all women have a set point. And so that's, like, the first part of it. And I really believe that if you are really living the life you want to live and you're taking care of yourself, and something that I help all my women focus on is a goal. Like, what do they want more than losing weight? And this is Something that I've really had to bring back into my own life right now, you know, since having Marshall is, you know, like, I am way heavier than I used to be. And I was definitely in a space of, like, I have to lose the weight. I have to lose the weight. I have to lose the weight. And nothing was happening. And I was getting really frustrated with myself, and I was still, like, ordering a croissant with my coffee every day, which is obviously not helping. And I finally realized, like, oh, Sarah, you're doing it wrong. What I have to do is, like, what do I want more than losing weight? And what I realized I want more is, like, I want to really be connected with my intuition. I want to know myself. I want to have a sense of pause and space and ease in my life. And when I just go straight for the pastries or straight for the ice cream, that's preventing me from listening to my heart. That's preventing me from having ease. So it became more about how the act of overeating was actually inhibiting what I really wanted. And that's a real thing that I want. I think, like, our souls secretly know that it doesn't matter if we lose weight or not, so it's not actually motivating. And when you choose this thing, it actually helps you lose weight. But once you lose weight, you don't care, because now you're super connected to your intuition, or you feel super alive, or you've been focusing on having fun every day, or you. You know, some of a lot of my clients say, like, they just want more girlfriends. That's. They want more. And so they put all of their energy into finding girlfriends and doing really exciting, beautiful, passionate things with them. And all of a sudden, they don't need to be. They're not at home at night eating ice cream. They're out with their friends. And so they lose 30 pounds, you know, And I just think. And they lose 30 pounds. They don't even notice anymore. They're like, yeah, whatever. That's right.

So awesome. So do you think that the emotional eating comes up from not living more of, like, not. I mean, you think that's, like, a big component of it or the main.

I think it's one of the main components. I think emotional eating comes a lot from how we were brought up as children. But how we brought up as children also affects how we live our life and our priorities. So I think it has to do with that, you know, how we see and view ourselves, our belief system. But I think a lot of it is just like boredom, high anxiety and loneliness. I think emotional eating is a lot about excitement and anti anxiety medication and connection. And when we can bring though, like the real solution to those problems into our lives, we like, we don't need food anymore.

Totally. I love that and I love, I love your story on that too. And just kind of your process, because that's been, you know, a big reason why I do what I do is emotional eating. In college and it was just being a college athlete and just eating, I mean, it's just. It just takes over your life. I mean, it takes over your psyche. It's just very bizarre and it's interesting and I'm curious how your process has been. I've done a lot of work on it, you know, and I'm 35 and I had a child and all of a sudden that bubbled up for me of like, you know, feeling tired and feeling overwhelmed and I would want to have those. Those old tendencies started coming up of like eating too much and I was like, wait a minute, I need to be living more. What has it been for you? Has any of those old stuff come up for you or.

Yeah, big time, Big time, you know, and I do this work because I'm in it, you know, I think there are a lot of coaches out there who they like are naturally not obsessed with food and so they try to teach other people how to not be obsessed with food. But like, I'm not naturally like that, which I think really helps me connect and really know what's going on with people. But absolutely, I mean, I mean, you know, when you have a new baby, you're just inside for the first six weeks, you know, And I was so overwhelmed and very lonely and super confused and not knowing what to do. And of course, like, having two servings of ice cream can feel like the best thing in the entire world. World, you know, and just the story that goes, it's like, I just can't. It's just like survival, you know, and. And then the story comes in of, Sarah, you should know better. What are you doing? You teach this stuff for a living. You know, it's all this stuff, but it's just like for me it was another layer of the onion. And I'm learning much deeper things about myself now than I did before when I was. When my emotional eating was really flaring up. And I really think once you're an emotional eater, you're kind of an emotional eater for life, but you learn how to use it as a really beautiful tool. So when this stuff was coming up, I was like, okay, so what do I have to learn? It's not how much weight do I have to lose, it's like, how much do I have to learn right now about myself, about my new situation, you know, just about the world. And it's been a really amazing discovery process for the past, you know, probably like two months. When I finally came to and was like, oh, I guess I should stop eating everything in my pantry.

You know, it's like I'm going to.

Have to get on the computer soon, like Dr. Alexandra, 500 pounds.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. I love just your honesty of you sharing, you know, just where you are because I think it's so important for, for all of us just to be honest.

Yeah.

Not everybody has issues with food, but most women do, you know, so it's so great. And I love, I love that you're so committed to. You use the word curating your life. Can you talk a little bit about that and just really stepping into your power and, and you can use whatever example if you want to do new motherhood of just like how you stepped into curating your life and going for what you want and saying, this is what I want and creating the structure, the support the life so that you can feel fulfilled and stop eating.

So what my normal process is, is I'll get to a place where I'm like, ugh, like, I don't feel like jazzed about what's happening in my life right now or like things feel stuck or I feel like I'm just kind of going through the motions and it feels kind of icky and I'll kind of stay in that spot for a while and I'll just generally complain, you know, and like, I'll be like, oh, like, I just wish I had more money or I just wish that Jonathan wasn't working so much and. Or maybe if I had a five bedroom house, everything would feel better, you know? So first I start thinking about, like, what are the, like, outside materialistic things that I need to have in my life? And then usually I'm like, Sarah, like, come on, step out of it. And I spend a lot of time really thinking about what I want. And, you know, when it became time for me to like, leave the mom cave, I was like, okay, how much time do I want to spend away from Marshall? How much time do I want to spend with Marshall? How much time do I want to be working? What kind of activities do I want to do? What with my baby, without my baby? With my husband in San Francisco, outside of San Francisco. I spent a couple hours like really getting clear about what I wanted. And then I said, okay, how am I gonna make this happen right now? And what things can I like actually make happen right now? And what things do I need to start putting some pieces in place so that they can happen in a year from now? And so for me, a big part of it was hiring a nanny.

And had you planned to do that before?

Well, I had, but I didn't really, I hadn't really thought about the steps. I think like before I got pregnant with Marshall, I didn't really think I'd have a nanny. I didn't know what I thought I would do. I didn't grow up with a nanny. And so it just wasn't. I loved that my mom was home with me full time and it's like absolutely what I needed. And I also knew that I wanted to work, but I just, I didn't know what form I was gonna take. And so I hired, I had a nanny, I have a really great nanny and she comes about 18 hours a week. And before, like before I was working, she was coming for 10 hours a week. I wasn't even working. I was just out playing because I knew I needed to do that for myself in order to be a good mom for Marshall. And like we had a really great weekend a couple weeks ago where one of my many masterminds was going to like Tahoe. And I was like, oh crap, am I never gonna be able to like go away for a girls weekend? And I was like, no, how do I make this happen? So instead of staying in a hotel, I convinced everyone to stay at one of my friends houses so I didn't have to like pay a ton of money for a hotel room. And I brought my nanny and I brought Marshall and so they had a great time off playing all day. I could do a mastermind. We went out for dinner one night so I could really separate. And it was amazing. But I wouldn't have done that if my first initial reaction was like, well, moms don't do that. Or like people in my situation, whether it's like marriage or money or a number of kids don't do that. There's a rule. But if you just think about what you want and then strategize and get the support in place, it's really possible, you know, now I'm realizing that I want to be home alone more like I haven't taken a shower by myself really since I had Marshall. You know, or I'm, like, taking it so fast, like, so if he wakes up, I'm like. And I realized, like, I need to find a situation where he's not in the house all the time and I can be here alone. So I just worked out a nanny share with one of my girlfriends, and he's gonna go to her house 100% of the time so that I can have my space.

So, like, 18 hours a week, he's gonna go there.

And I think it's gonna end up being more like. Now I'm realizing I need, like, 25 hours a week, as I was taking all the 18 with working. And I would come home, like, pretty, like, tired from working six hours straight, because I don't really take a break when I'm working in that small amount of a chunk. And I'm so psyched about everything. I'm just like, wow. I wasn't totally present and rested for Marshall, so I realized I needed to tap on, you know, an extra hour and a half a day that I could just go for a walk, you know, or get a massage, get my nails done, have some space. So, you know, those are just some examples of you just got to get in there, and it's always possible. And if you don't feel like you have the money, make the money. Like, this is like, what bulls. Like, oh, I don't have the money. It's like, well, figure out how to get it. You know, there is ample abundance for everybody. It just takes, like, honing in on your talents and finding your strengths and getting the strategy together. And maybe it's going to take some time, but work with it.

So I'm curious, like, what's coming up for me, too, is, like, that you need to have that clarity of what you want. And I think so many times we get dispersed, or we can, like, just scattered of. And you have conflicting beliefs. Like, maybe you want to be with your son more, but then you really want to work like you. You know, there seems like there's just a lot of choices. Do you have any, like, ways of finding that? Like, aha, this is my clarity?

Well, I think it's about not having that actually be a goal. I think what happens with a lot of women is they're like, if I put it down on paper, then I have to do it, you know, or if I don't do it, I'm gonna fail. And that's a very, like, masculine way of operating, where it's like, men, a lot of men, I don't want to, like, totally generalize, but choose a goal and go for it. And it usually is, like, you know, click works with women. We change our mind a lot. We're in flow. Our moods are always changing, our emotions are always changing, and that's okay. And so what I try to tell my clients is, from where you're sitting right now, what feels really joyful and spacious and fun and ideal. Like, what's ideal? And to understand if you can't get your ideal right now, you're not gonna die. Everything's gonna be fine. And your ideal might change in a week, and you just have to give yourself permission to change. Like, I really thought having a nanny in my house with my son for 20 hours a week was gonna be it. And I've been doing it now for two months, six weeks. It's not it, you know, so you just, like, you got to adjust.

And then not having the. Because I know that I can do this as part of my practice. Not having that I'm a failure, you know, that I. That I screwed up. I didn't follow the plan right now I'm changing my mind. I love that you just said, you know, we can change your mind, and it's fine. And just recreate the plan and rock on.

Yeah. And you just have to be good at seeing, like, the glass cap full and things. You know, what I needed for the past six weeks was absolutely. I could. I didn't have the energy to bring Marshall to somebody else's house every morning. Like, I could barely get out of bed, you know, so it was perfect for where I was. And we grow and we change, and so you just. You just have to, like, change, you know, change your situation to grow with yourself. So I think it's never a failure. I mean, I think I had five different company names before I landed on Live More. Way less. And a lot of my press was from when I had Breathtaking Bride and, you know, and it's like, I'm, like, so grateful that I get to, like, put all those great little press things on my website, you know, even though, like, that company is no more.

Right. So that's great.

Yeah. Everyone takes something from every failed experience.

Yep. And you just gotta be willing to put. Just. What I'm hearing, too, is you gotta be willing to put yourself out there and be willing to step into the desires, and then for them to not, like, you were in it. You had 20 hours. You're like, this is it. And you're like, wait a minute. This isn't it. And then Being willing to keep spiraling up to what is it that you want?

Yeah, exactly. And I think it's also really important. Like, for a lot of women, they feel like failure is like the ultimate, worst thing that could ever happen. But we've all had failure in our lives and it's all ended up being great. So I think you just have to call on a past experience. You know, like, I work with a lot of women who've gotten divorced and they're really nervous to get into another relationship because they don't want to have to break up with that person. Like, you've already gone through a divorce, you're totally fine. Means like, you know, everyone's a little bit beat up and you know all that stuff, but you're standing and you're a stronger woman for it and that might happen again and you're gonna be okay. They're like, oh, yeah. Okay.

Okay. So on that theme, the love theme, let's talk about relationships. I'd love to hear just kind of intimate relationships, like marriage and maybe how you keep it spicy and alive. And then also just relationships in general with girlfriends. I know you're really passionate about that, so you can dive into whatever one you want first.

Yeah, well, with intimate relationships, like with your lover, you know, with Jonathan and I, it's so much about quality of time, not quantity of time for us. And so we really need to be strategic about we have to sit at our dining room table with the candles lit for dinner every night. Because if we don't have a super honed in romantic experience in the one hour we have together awake, we're just gonna like, you know, float apart. So I think that's super important to be really conscious of about the environment you're setting up with your lover and, you know, not getting on the couch and eating dinner in front of the TV every night. Because, you know, if Jonathan and I can have a really nice dinner together, then he can do the work he needs to do after dinner and I can do my thing. And so I think that's super important. Date night is hugely important. Getting out of the house, we try to go on a date at least once a week, a lot of times twice a week. And that's a lot for someone who has a five month old baby. Yeah, so. So Jonathan and I go on, you know, one or two nights, one or two dates a week, which is a lot for five for having a five month old. But it's just a priority for us, you know, and I definitely had a moment of oh, well, parents with newborns don't go on dates, you know, or they definitely don't go on two dates a week, you know. And again, it was this, like, rule that came up and I had to just realize, like, we need to break all of the rules. And that's a big part of Jonathan I's relationship is just thinking about all the places where we can do things differently than other people. So I think that's really important. And something that I've been really working on recently with my mentor is just really deep intimacy, emotional intimacy and connection. And, you know, it's definitely a space, you know, that I'm still working on. I think when we struggle with our bodies for so long, we have this wall and we are deeply, deeply worried we're gonna get rejected if we're just real about how we're feeling. And so it's definitely like a lingering pattern and wound that I have that I'm really focusing on right now. And it's scary and it's hard and it's wonderful. So I think that's a really important thing for people to experience for, like, how can you get, like, deeper and deeper and deeper into, like, the souls of your partner?

Yeah, if you. I would love to hear just, like, what if you feel open to sharing it? Like, what are some. A practice that you're doing or some way that you're kind of guiding that.

Yeah, Something I've been doing is just like, just trying to be real. Like, I have this pattern of maybe I'll be feeling kind of down or I had a bad day. And Jonathan will say, you know, I'm on my way home from the hospital. And I know he has a 15 minute drive. And I'll quickly. I'll try to clean the kitchen, I'll brush my hair, I'll put on some makeup, and I'll try to just like get into this happy place. And that's not being real about where I'm at. So I have to just try to not do anything, you know, to be like, there's a lot of dishes in the sink and the house is a mess and I am a mess. And I need you to just like, meet me where I am and take care of me, you know, because it's like we sort of have this like fake femininity of, like, looking beautiful. But a lot of times we're doing that. It's actually a block to being taken care of, which is the, you know, the ultimate feminine is receiving. And it can actually, you know, it can be detrimental because it's saying, like, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. When I need to really work on saying, like, I'm not fine. Please worry about me.

Totally. Oh, I love that. And we have very similar. We're similar in that way. I mean, I think a lot of women are, but I have some friends that aren't. But I'm totally in alignment with, you know, it's very. It's taken me, like, years to admit when I'm tired to my husband.

Yeah.

Like, I didn't want to say I was tired. Like, no, I got it all together. I'm happy. I'm good. Life is good. And he's like. And then we would get into a fight, you know, And I'm like, well, I'm just tired. He's like, if you would have said that at the beginning, if you would have said, honey, I'm tired. He's like, my heart melts. I open. I'm there to support you. He's like, just say that. And I'm like, it's really hard to say that.

I know. Totally.

Oh, that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, so then the last one is girlfriends.

Oh, yeah, Girlfriends. I. This is something that comes pretty easily to me. I love making girlfriends, but more. I'm at a point in my life right now where I don't want a lot of them. I need, like, eight, you know, like eight where I am.

Yeah. You know, I have in San Francisco, like, in your area. Yep.

And I also like having, like, different pockets of girlfriends. Like, I have my mom girlfriends. I have my entrepreneurial girlfriends. I have my, like, single girlfriends who I can call when Jonathan's working late, which is so key. And what can happen with women is they start a different phase. It'd be really easy for me to say, all of my friends who aren't moms don't get me anymore, and I'm, like, not going to be friends with them, or it would have been really easy for me to say when I started my business. My friends who aren't entrepreneurs, you know, they don't really get me. Or when I started my spiritual practice with my friends that aren't spiritual. Like, I don't have time for them. Cut the flu. And a lot of people do that. They're, like, breaking up with friends all the time. It's like, what are you doing? And I really think it's good to, like, have different pockets and different friends serve different purposes. And, like, there are times when I need to not Be spiritual. I need to not talk about business. I just need to like, be my like, messy, wild, crazy self. And I just need to go hang out with my friends from college, you know, and it's great. And there are times I just like, I'm having such a hard time with business and running my own company and like, calling my best friend from growing up is just not gonna cut it, you know? So I think it's so important to have different friends who meet different, like different needs in your life. And I think it's just important to be open and friendly. Like, women want to meet each other, they want to connect. And so if you just strike up a conversation in a yoga class, on the subway, at a cafe, like, I met someone literally at Whole Foods three weeks ago and we're hanging out on Monday, you know, I mean, and of course, like, I've met a lot of other people at Whole Foods, like, we're not going to ever hang out again. But like, there was just something about this person, you know, you just kind of know, like, hey, you're cool, like, maybe we should hang out. And they're always a yes. And it feels super awkward sometimes it's worse than actual dating. But I just think it's important. Like, we really need our girlfriends.

Yeah. I'm curious. What do you do if somebody wants to be your girlfriend and you don't want to be their girlfriend?

That is a very good question. And something that happens, you know, especially you have like an online brand, you know, everyone wants to hang out with you. And it's so funny, I was telling Jonathan this. I was like, when I was in high school, all I wanted was for people to pay attention to me. And now I just want everyone to go away. And it was like, not.

That's like not actually true.

All the time having a moment where I was like, I just wanted to curl up in a corner and die. And what I tell those women is like, thank you for reaching out. And I don't have the time to invest in a friendship right now. Like, it's just not like I have my people. It's working. I'm not in a space right now where I'm making more and more friends unless they live within like a three block radius of me and have a five month old baby.

Because that's what.

I need right now.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

You know, like, I got an email from someone who lives like an hour away and she's like, you know, and she has like a one year old. Like, if you ever want to get together. It'd be super fun. We're both moms, and I'm just like. I just know, like, I'm never gonna make it happen.

Yeah, Right.

Logistically, it's just not gonna happen. And you just have to be honest and trust that they're gonna find their people, you know? Cause it's hard. It's, like, never easy. I am totally built to say yes to everybody, and saying no is my edge. I have to be really clear that my priorities are myself, my husband, my son, my work, and things that don't support me. Like, really serving in those ways, like, just can't be part of my life.

Yeah. And it's very similar to the dating. You know, My husband and I were talking about this the other day of, like, when you have your friends. Because somebody asked us to hang out, we didn't really want to, you know, and we. So we're like. And so we said no. But I'm like, there's nothing wrong with saying no. It's like, him and I are married. If some girl came up to him and said, hey, let's date, he's like, no, I'm married. You know, but it's like, you can sit. Like, there's something. There's something in the friend sphere that you can't say, no, I don't need friends now.

I love that you said that. That is the perfect analogy.

It's so true.

So we just don't go around, like, dating 20 people that we don't like.

Yeah, you know, that's awesome.

Like, couldn't you imagine, like, writing, like, writing someone, like a girl you went to coffee with, be like, I'm sorry. Like, this just isn't really working. I just feel the chemistry. Oh, my God.

I did do that with one of my friends way back when. It just. I was not feeling it, and I was like, I just need a break. I need a break from hanging out. And she was, like, traumatized, and I was like, oh, God, I'm sorry to traumatize you. I just need. This isn't working. That's awesome. I love it. I mean, it's just. I think it's such an important topic that people aren't talking about, you know? Like, it is kind of like dating, and there's, you know, yeses and there's no's and being vulnerable. Like, right. Being able to say, do you want to hang out with me? And somebody says, no, you're like, oh, okay.

I know. Which sucks, you know, and has totally happened to me.

I tried to like, continuously, like, I, like, check up. Be like, oh. They're like, yeah, let's get together. And it never happens. And I'm like, wait a minute. I'm trying. They don't want to. I just need to drop it. Exactly. They don't want to be friends with me. Okay.

Yeah. And it happens to everyone.

Yep.

You know? Yeah. It's a tough thing, but we're resilient.

You know, there's lots of women out there.

Yeah, exactly. Lots.

Very cool. Okay, well, we'll wrap up. Even though I loving talking to you, but I know you have a little baby, so share where we can find out more about you and your work and your live more way. That's program.

So the best place to start is to go to sarahjanks.com. that's Sarah with an H. So it's S A R A H, J E N K S dot com. And I have a weekly article that comes out on that website, and there's a really great free book that you can sign up at the top of the website. It's had over 30,000 downloads. Like, really gives a ton of information about all of this stuff. It gives great homework and, like, WR exercises and all this really great stuff. It's called I know what to do, but I'm just not doing it, which is so how I felt for so long. And so that's a great place to start. And then my program, which is the only way to work with me besides my retreat, which is livefreeretreat.com in Sonoma. It's amazing. My program is called Live More, Way less. It's@livemorewayless.com and right now, there's just a wait list open right now. But if anyone's feeling like, oh, my God, this woman, like, totally gets what I'm going through, Put yourself on the waitlist so we can make sure to stay in touch about when the program comes out. It's coming out March of 2015. Because I put so much love and care into this program, and it's just gonna be, like, epic. So I'm excited about it.

Happy dances, sparkles, rainbows.

Yeah.

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. Lots of love. I appreciate you. I appreciate your work, and I appreciate your honesty and your realness about who you are, what you're doing, and giving us the goods.

Oh, thank you. Well, thank you so much for having me. You're a really great interviewer, and it's just such a. Such a great time, such a. Such a joy to be on the computer with you.

Thank you. Lots of love. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.