Optimal Parenting 101 with Alexandra Jaye Johnson

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have. Hello, and welcome to Optimal Parenting 101. I am Alexandra J. Johnson, and I'm so thrilled. Today we are going to be doing a little intro for this awesome event, and Casey Carey, who is our wisdom developer at entheos, is going to be interviewing me on what I learned and the whole process that I went through and all the wisdom that I gained from these interviews. And Casey is awesome. She is amazing, and she is one of the big reasons why this conference is going right now. She is fantastic. So I'm going to turn it over to Casey, and she is going to be in charge for the interview.

Thank you, Alexandra. I'm so, so thrilled to be here. I've seen you work on getting all of this together and really committing yourself to diving in and learning all you can about parenting and birth and everything you wanted to know and everything you think other people may want to know about the whole process. So I'm very excited to be here. And as most of the listeners know, you, Alexandra J. Johnson, are a new mama to. Oh, the sweet little boy, Emerson. We love Emerson. He's a little over six months now, right, Alexandra?

He is.

Oh, my gosh. She's getting so big.

Yes.

She's also the chief goddess and co founder of entheos and the creator of Rock youk Goddess Life. She's really, really enthusiastic and passionate about life and just really rocks it every day. Alexandra had a wonderful and healthy pregnancy and delivery with Emerson. She actually worked with a midwife named Mary Jackson to have that whole process go down. It was beautiful. And she is so, so amazing with Emerson. I know she feels blessed every day to be a mama, and I can't wait to see her. Where the road goes with you and Emerson and Brian. So very excited.

Yay. Thank you for that lovely introduction.

Okay, well, what I really would love to dive into, and I'm sure lots of people are eager to know, is how did you create optimal parenting 101? Where did this all stem from?

Yes. Great question, Casey. So I think that for me, I had been preparing to get pregnant. Brian and I decided that In January of 2012, we were gonna start our family. And so the year before that, I was preparing just with my nutrition and my body and my mind and reading books and just was really, you know, consciously preparing for this amazing adventure. And then we. January came, and we got pregnant right away, which was very exciting. And I was like, oh, okay. Because people had told me, yeah, you know, it takes three to six. Just, you know, be patient. And I'm like, okay, patient. And I remember, you know, looking at the little thing, I'm like, babe, we're pregnant. So we went and got, like, three more little pregnancy tests, and I'm like, we're really pregnant. So we were obviously overjoyed, and we're so, so excited. And, you know, I just decided that I wanted to interview. Go deeper into this wisdom and interview these authors and some of my friends and teachers and just really immerse myself in this wisdom, because I had not been around a lot of babies, and I wasn't around a lot of children, and I, to be honest, I was like, what. How does this go down? Like, what do I need to know how to become. How do I become a great parent? And I was born cesarean, and I knew that I did not want to be born cesarean, obviously, and have my child be born, you know, go to the hospital. And so I just started researching and reaching out to all of all of these people. And I brought together, you know, midwives and pediatricians and birth educators to help us on how we can have an amazing pregnancy and how we can have an awesome home birth, if you choose, or a natural birth, whatever is your ideal. And then how to navigate the postpartum phase.

Yeah, that's amazing. I'm not a mom yet, and still a few years out from that, but when you started putting this together, I was just so blown away by all the different options and all the different decisions and all the ways that you can really customize your experience, own your experience, and really be empowered by it. So seeing this come together has been beautiful, really, really excited. And you have a whole list over 35 experts in this conference, from doctors to midwives, just like you were talking about. I'm really, really excited about them. And I was wondering, how did you choose these people and what kind of brought them all together for you?

Yeah.

Great.

So a lot of them are authors, people that I have been influenced by their work. We have, like, Dan Siegel, who is amazing, and if you listen to one interview, you've got to listen to that, and you've got to buy all of his work. I just love Dan Siegel, and he's a friend of ours, and I've read his books, and just amazing on how to create secure attachment. Then we have, like, Dr. Joel Fuhrman, who is like the nutrition guru on how to disease proof your child. Loved his book, so I reached out to him, and we have Stephen Cowan, another doctor and pediatrician and a friend of ours who is all about trusting yourself. And he was so amazing for me during my pregnancy and after Emerson was born. And I just. I love him. I just wanted his wisdom. So there's so many things. And we have, like, Jack Newman, breastfeeding expert. He has personally been helpful for me. I bought his books and read his books. And yeah, just a lot of the people. People that I read their books, I watched their movies, and I wanted everything from the nutrition to also, like, the mental emotional preparation that's necessary and then also the spiritual process as well. So we have a Zen priest, Karen Mazan Miller. She wrote the book Mama Zen. And I read that book before I was pregnant, and then I read it while I was pregnant and love that book. And I also read it when. After I gave birth, and it was so, so huge. So I love her wisdom. So I could talk about all these experts, but we won't go through all of them.

Oh, I can't wait to hear all of them individually. It just sounds amazing.

Yeah, there's just so. There's so much goodness from. We'll learn about Amazonian women. We talk about birth and sex and how those are connected. We have, like, Heidi Grant Halvorson talking about positive psychology to raise healthy and happy and optimistic children. Yeah. It is, like, everything that you need to know about pregnancy and birth and to rock parenting.

So cool. I think one of the titles that kind of grabbed my attention immediately was Orgasmic Childbirth. Kind of interesting. Yeah, Definitely something I hadn't heard of before. So, I mean, these topics are gonna be awesome.

Yes. Yeah. I have a great. Deborah and Elizabeth wrote the book Orgasmic Birth, which I recommend. I love that book. And then Deborah, who is in this interview series, created Orgasmic the movie, and we have a really interesting conversation about orgasmic birth and vibrators and all sorts of stuff which I did explore in my birth. So we can talk about that later on in the birth experience. But yes, very interesting.

Nice. Well, I'm excited to hear all about it. I can't wait. So speaking of your experience, I'd love to hear a little bit about your pregnancy and what are some of the big things that you learned during your pregnancy?

Yeah, I think. I mean, I had such an easy pregnancy. I kind of joked with my husband. I'm like, if I would have known pregnancy was gonna be this easy, I would have started Having kids a long time. Like, I loved everything about being pregnant. And yeah, I mean, I started off and just felt really good and healthy and I had a little bit of kind of nausea. I think probably between week seven and maybe like 12, something like that, maybe 10. I don't know. It wasn't very long and it wasn't super intense at all. It was just like a little, you know, a little nauseous feeling on occasion. So I felt very grateful about that. And other than that, I didn't have any sort of issues at all. This is such an important thing, I think, and Guru Mook in the interview series talks about this as well, is we have so many images and stories about what pregnancy is that you need to be throwing up and feeling miserable and getting fat and all of these things, which is not the case. Like. And I really want women to step into their power and get clear about what they want for their pregnancy and then rock it. So I feel like that's what I did. I was very clear on what I wanted. And I ate the best I've ever eaten. I didn't have a lot of cravings, although I know I talked to some of my friends and they have had a lot of cravings, but it was pretty low key. And I gained like 18 pounds, which was, like, perfect for me. And, yeah, I mean, I think the big things for me that I helped me have such an easy and joyful pregnancy was rest. I know a lot of women try to do too much when they're pregnant, and that can cause nausea and just feeling exhausted. So I was like queen sleep and rest. I was very much, you know, making sure I got my sleep. And I. Brian and I hiked almost every single day throughout my whole pregnancy. And we actually hiked when I started labor, too.

Yeah.

So walking and exercise, I think were crucial to feeling so great in my body. Like, I didn't have the lower back issues and just the aches and pains at all. So exercise, rest, and then my nutrition was like the best it's ever been. I was just on it. And I think it's so important we're nurturing and nourishing our little baby that this is the time that we turn up our nutrition. It's not the time where you go and buy and eat Twinkies and all the junk food that you can like. This is whatever you eat is what your baby is going to become. So I think it's so, so important. So those are kind of my three. Those are my three things that I think helped Me navigate the pregnancy so well.

You had a little bit of a green juice aversion for a while, didn't you?

Yeah. And as many of you know, I'm. I love green juice, which is vegetable juice juice, vegetables juiced up and. Yeah, probably, like, one night I was a little bit nauseous that I had. I couldn't do green juice. Just wasn't really working. And I had loved salads, and I couldn't, like, do a lot of salads. And then there was, like, a cracker that I liked that I couldn't do, and mushrooms. Really? Yeah. So those are kind of my aversions that I had. I didn't have a lot of cravings, but those are my aversions, which were very bizarre. Like, my husband would make onions and mushrooms, and I'd have to, like, leave the house. I'm like, oh, so gross. I think I'm gonna throw up. Weird.

That's so interesting. I love that you connected nutrition as one of your top, like, priorities and tips during pregnancy, because, I mean, I do think it's become kind of a joke in our society that when women are pregnant, they could just eat whatever they want and, you know, not pay attention to that aspect. But it seems to me that it's a very, very important part. So I'm glad you brought that up and glad you had, you know, that as one of the keys for your successful pregnancy.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I can't. I mean. And, you know, you're growing a little being inside of you, so your intestines and things just get kind of smushed in there. And, like, you need to be getting your fiber. You want to be going to the bathroom. And that is. Well, I can talk about that as well. That's a whole other topic. But going to the bathroom is very important, so you want to keep regular, you know, And I also did. Which this isn't for everyone, but this is what I did. I also got colonics throughout my pregnancy as well. And I had been doing colonics. I've done colonics for, like, over 10 years now. So it's something that my body was used to. So if you're not used to colonics, then don't do them. Please do not do them. Don't do anything new that you haven't done before you're pregnant. But that was also so, so great to be able to get a colonic because, you know, a lot of women get constipated. So I think it's really important that you. That you get your Fiber. Get your nutrition so that you are pooing, because you're gonna be a lot more on it and happier if you're pooing. I'm just telling you.

That makes sense. Makes sense. That's a huge tip. That's very important.

Yes. Healthy mama, pregnant mama needs to go number two.

Awesome. I love it. Well, I kind of want to hear the detail of the birth. So, you know, I've never actually. I've never seen anybody do a home birth, and a lot of my friends and family members, hospital births. So you were kind of my first friend and person close to me that I knew that, did that, decided to do a natural home birth. So I'm really curious to hear about why you chose that and also how the experience worked for you.

Yeah. Cool. So, you know, I hadn't ever seen a baby being born before I had my baby, like, I did. I. In, like, the flesh. I had not been to a birth, Like, I knew that obviously, that it came through the vagina, and, you know, I knew that what would happen. Yeah. But I hadn't. I hadn't seen that. And that's one of the things in our culture, is that we haven't seen that. We haven't seen babies being born, and we don't know what's happening. So there can be a lot of fear. So for me, while I was pregnant, I watched tons of films and videos and just getting familiar with it and seeing that and imprinting those natural births on my mind so that my brain knew how to do it. Obviously, my body is very instinctual, and it created the baby, so it knows how to give birth to the baby. But for me, there was definitely the mental and the emotional preparation that was so important. So I watched a lot of video, and I just felt like the. I couldn't imagine being in a hospital. I don't go to the hospital now. I don't like. You know, doctors are great, but I just prefer to go more natural ways than the medical. And it just felt like I. Who says it? There's been numerous people, but Ina Mae Gaskin, who is a midwife, really popular. She has spiritual midwifery and a lot of great books. She had said, you know, you give birth in the way that you live your life, and then also give birth in the way that you created your baby. So, you know, you create your baby, you know, in an intimate moment with your partner, and then you go to the hospital, and it's like bright lights, and you would never have sex. You would never have sex in the hospital, you know, like, so. So for me it was like, oh, that just makes sense. Of course we'd want to bring our baby into the world in a beautiful, sacred way. So we made the commitment. We knew we were going to have a natural home birth from the beginning. So that was just very clear. And I also known. And Mary, our midwife, talks about it. And then also Elena, who did a film birth into being, who I interviewed in the series as well, talks about how you have. How you were born. So I was born cesarean impacts how you will give birth to your children. Like that is an imprinting on you. So for me, there was a lot of work on that and healing any of that, any trauma that I might have had with that and just being very affirmative that I did not want to have the same experience. I guess, like a lot of people, if they were born cesarean, will end up having cesarean with their own children.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah. So Mary does a lot of amazing work on that and just healing that. So we. We did that. And yeah, so that was kind of. I could. There was no other way. I just. This is how I wanted to do it. And my husband was totally supportive of me, of us doing it this way, and that's why we chose to do it.

Do you have to have. So you have a midwife with you at the home birth, but then do you have like a backup plan in case there's an emergency that may, you know, where you may need medical, Western medical care?

Yeah, totally. Good question. Casey, the curious, not yet parent. Yeah, so we had an amazing. I loved. I mean, as I said, I don't. I don't usually go to the doctor, but we went to. We had doctor, another doctor that we went to see her and just kind of did an initial consult with her in case we needed to transfer. So we just did that. And she was awesome. I mean, it was a small hospital and just very sweet and she was amazing. So I loved her and felt very, very confident. So for me, this is also an important thing if anybody is thinking about doing a home birth with a midwife. I created my birth plan if I was to go to the hospital, like really early in my pregnancy. So just kind of all the fears of things that could happen and the possible outcomes. I kind of sat down and I wrote a birth plan so that if we were transfer. I had written up everything that I wanted. I wanted no vaccinations. I didn't want any eye drops. I didn't want you to cut the Cord, you know, like, there was a lot of things that I was very clear that I wanted and I wanted the baby to be on me. So I wrote all those things down and I gave one to my husband and then I put it away and I never thought about it again because for me, then I moved into the co creating the visualization of I am having this child at home. There's no other option. So I felt very prepared in that. And I think it's really good. Some people don't say that they don't want to do that. They don't want to entertain what might happen. But I think it was a really important step for me to just do that. And then if something was not to go right, that I wasn't scrambling. And we had everything organized and it was done. And then I got to work on my mind. I meditated every single day, visualized. I did hypnobirthing, meditations. I created my own meditations. Yeah, it was a major mind, a mind game for me.

Wow, that's amazing. I love all the support for your brain and the whole process that you created. That's really cool. And I'm glad to hear a little bit more about your birth plan. If you would have had to go into a more hospital, like, setting.

Yeah, cool. Yeah. Because you can create it. And we talk about this in the interviews as well. Like, if you choose, there's no, like, right way to birth. You just need to figure out which way is ideal for you and which way resonates for you and then make a plan and do it. But if you do have, you know, your baby at the hospital, that's great. Like, how do you create a situation where you feel like, you know, you can have the birth that you want? How do you create the ambiance? There's so many things. We talk a lot about that in the interviews as well. If you're going to do it at the hospital, like, how do you do it in the best possible way?

Absolutely. And it's amazing how many choices there are for you and how many options you do have. Because it sounds like just from the interviews you've done, there's a ton to think about. And so just going back to being empowered and making those choices for yourself to create your best experience, I think that's awesome. And really, knowledge is power. Right. Or if something did go wrong and you did find yourself in a situation that isn't ideal from the beginning, not your perfect birth, what do you need to consider at that point and what kind of options Are you have.

So, yeah, it's really important. So true. And like you said, knowledge is power. Like, this is so important. And I think for parents, we can just go to a pediatrician or, you know, go to the doctor and this is what they tell you what's going to happen. Or this is what needs to happen at your birth. And you need to have an emergency cesarean. Like, my advice is to question everyone. Like, you need to question these doctors. Like, you know, this is just how one way to do it. There's so many other ways to do it. And be willing to take responsibility and die into this wisdom and really create what you want. And then just because somebody's a doctor does not mean that they know what's best for your baby all the time, you know, So I think it's. And obviously I'm very, how do I say, opinionated. Maybe I am very. Like, this is how it's happening. This is what we're doing. I question this. So, I mean, that's one of the reasons I wanted to do these interviews was like, I could learn this information and just really dive into it and question the normal and how people normally do it.

Yeah. Awesome. I love it. So now prepping and kind of making your plan and deciding to have a home birth is one thing, but then actually being at home and doing it. How was that?

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it's a very, it's a very miraculous and mysterious and awe inspiring experience. Like, we, I. It's really funny. I just knew that we were gonna go into labor soon. I looked at my journal. Literally, he was born on September 30th. I looked at my journal, September 28th. I'm like, he's coming soon. Like, I know my, my due date was the third. And I'm like. And people told me, you know, sometimes they take a little bit longer to come in. And I'm. Things have shifted in me. I just felt like it was going to be happening soon. And then literally the 29th that night, I started feeling contractions at like 11 o' clock and they were just super low key. And you know, they were pretty close, like seven minutes apart, like consistently. And it kept me up. And I was like, oh, you know, we're gonna have the baby soon. Like, it's happening. And it was also a full moon. And all of my cycles are always in sync with the full moon. I'm like, this full moon is bringing this baby out. Oh my gosh, it is happening. So the next day we woke up still having contractions and I was for sure that we were gonna have the baby that day. And so I kind of had my ideal. And I had created my ideal vision of how I wanted my birth to go. And I had recorded it in an audio, and then I had played it every night before I went to bed. So I was, you know, I. I'm like, okay, babe, you know, it's time. Like, let's. We gotta go for a hike. You know, we gotta do all these things. So we started our day and everything was going perfectly and we went on our hike and I was having contractions and, you know, like, the baby's coming. And then in the interview that I talk about with Deborah, you know, she says her. And then also Sherry Winston, where we talk about sex, like, having sex, and the sperm actually helps open the cervix. So I'm like, okay, babe, you know, let's open up the cervix. Like, let's do this. So we, you know, proceeded to do our thing and it was amazing. And, yeah, it was just awesome and perfect. And so we just kept doing our thing throughout the day. And then all of a sudden, you know, it's like getting later in the evening, and I talked to our midwife and. And she comes over and checks and she's like, you know, you're like, I don't know What, I was 2 cm dilated or something. And I was like, oh, this baby's not coming today. She's like, I thought I would be farther. Yeah. I'm like, okay, you know, it's all good. So I couldn't really sleep. I tried to go to sleep, but they just kept getting more intense. And then probably like 2 o' clock in the morning the next day, I woke up and I was like, yeah, they're getting more intense. And so that I knew to call Mary then, because it's. She wanted us to call when they were every four minutes for lasting a minute. And then you were having contractions for an hour. So I waited. I was having them for like two hours, like that. And then I called her and it was like 4 in the morning. And obviously she's a midwife, so she does this all the time. But I'm like, I'm sorry, but I'm at 41 1. And she's like, okay, I'm on my way over. So she came over and it was awesome. And she's amazing. And Mary Jackson is an angel. I love that woman. And so, yeah, I just. She came over, we checked it and just were kind of relaxing and Just slowly kept going. But it was like a very slow labor. So she was here pretty much all day. And we actually didn't give birth until 7:20pm so it was very. It was just like steady. But it was so beautiful. We hung out, we made food and we ate and we drank green juice and we. I took a bath and I had dark chocolate and strawberries fed to me from my. By my husband in the bath.

That's amazing.

It was like, awesome. And the thing is, like, you have your contraction and then you relax, so, you know, it gets pretty intense. And it was. I could breathe through all of them and I was doing my meditation and my hypnobirthing and I had created a affirmations track that Casey's awesome husband created.

He was so blessed to do that. He was just like, oh, my gosh, Alexandra's gonna listen to this and she's giving birth. This is so amazing.

Yeah, it was awesome. It was like an hour long track of affirmations and groovy tunes. And I had that thing pumped up and I was just like, affirming, affirming, affirming. It was. I didn't know if I would actually use it, but I used it for like five hours just on replay. And it was so inspiring and so empowering and just helped me get through all of the contractions. So it was, it was, it started to get more intense and then I realized I couldn't start breathing through them. They were getting more like, okay, this is a little bit more intense. And I had a lot of back labor. He was, he was in the. You can have back labor if it's not in the right position, but he was in the right position to come through. But for whatever reason, I had lots of back stuff happening. So this is like a long story because it was a long labor. It was a long labor. It's okay. I love it.

I'm glad you're giving me all the juicy details.

That's awesome. So we. It started getting more intense and all of a sudden I, like, found my voice. I didn't. I didn't think I would be like a loud one. And I wasn't screaming, but I was doing like. It was more of a toning kind of like oming very loud. It was. I mean, literally I just went into like a trance during the contractions. It was like, I can't even. I can't even put it into words, but this, like, sound was like coming out of me and it was, it was amazing. And every time that I did got like, the right pitch, the right tone. The contraction was, like, not that big of a deal. I mean, obviously, it's still intense. You know, there's a baby coming through you. But, yeah, it was. I don't know. I did that for, like, a couple hours. And we have. Brian. We have the. We have it on video. And then also, Brian recorded a couple of my contractions. It's pretty awesome. And, yeah, our midwife was in. Her assistant were just like, you've done this before. We're just gonna let you do your thing. And I'm like, all right, yeah. I don't know where this is coming from, but we are chanting. So then I had her check me, or she. She checked me, and I was at nine and a half centimeters. And so, you know, you're almost there. My water. My water hadn't broken yet, you know, and she's like, okay, you're at nine and a half. We gotta get this next half. So she kind of went in to help me a little bit. That was the most intense experience of my life. Going from nine and a half to 10 centimeters. Yeah. I mean, you call on something way bigger than yourself and you're just like, it's just intense. So anyway, she helped me get to 10, and Brian was like, you know, repeating affirmations and, like, coaching me in my ear. And it was just like. I just have goosebumps remembering it. It was, like, so intense and painful, but amazing and incredible. And I was like, we're doing it. Like, you know, he's coming, he's coming. So then we got to 10, my water broke. And then I was like, he's really coming. And Mary, our midwife, had said, you know, every. You usually can push for up to two hours on average, you know, so we're now in the pushing phase. And I'm like, I don't think so. I think he's coming now. So he literally started coming, like, very fast. And there's the. Which a lot of people talk about. There's the ring of fire where his head's coming through. And that was, like, way easier for me than the 9 and a half to 10 centimeters. It was, like, the easiest thing to birth him. Like, he just came out and Brian caught him. And it was like 20 minutes from the time my water broke to. I got 10. 10 dilated to 10 cm. And then 20 minutes and he was in our arms. It was amazing. Yeah. And Brian got to catch him. It was so awesome.

Oh, my gosh, that's so amazing. I'm like, on the edge of my seat, listening to your story. Like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Sounds really intense.

Yeah, it is intense. And you're. You will know. You know. You will know when you get there. You're like, wow, I know what she was talking about.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's amazing, Alexandra.

I love it.

Do you have any, like, specific tips for people who are looking for a natural childbirth kind of similar to what you did?

Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest thing. It is such a. It's such a mental game, so you really need to. We don't need to, but I recommend that you do some meditation and you practice visualization, and you just get your mind right, and you can make it through anything. I mean, the longest contractions, like, 90 seconds, right? So you can do anything for 90 seconds. That was kind of my. That was one of my affirmations. I can do anything for 90 seconds. Like, it's going to end, and then you just be with the intense sensations and just be with it. Don't think about your last contraction. Don't think about, oh, my gosh, when it's done. I don't know if I can do another one. Because when you start doing that, you lose your strength, because then you start feeling like, I don't know if I can do it. You just need to stay in the moment, Mama. You got to be like, all right, one contraction and just keep, you know, contraction after contraction and knowing that, you know, pretty soon the contractions will be done and your baby will be here. But you need to. It's. I think it's such an important thing for you to do to cultivate your mind power. That's what got me through. There's the physical, but if you get your mind right and you're like, you know what? And you, like, dig deep and get that mama warrior goddess, like, I am bringing this. I am doing it. I am getting to the primal part of myself, you know, and if that means that you scream, if that means you dance, if it means that who. Whatever needs to come through you, you need to do it, because there is like a. You know, essentially, this is God flowing through you. Like, life force is pushing this baby out, and you need to just let it do its thing. So I think surrendering and relaxing and breathing. And I think that it does start during, you know, your pregnancy just to prepare to get, you know, breathe, relax, get in your body. That's why I say exercise is so important. Like, you need to be connected to your body. This child is coming through you. You need. You need to know what your body feels like and what works for you. And yeah, for me, I. There was like, I kind of did. Mary had. I think she called it like a booty shake. I don't know. Like, after I got to 10 centimeters, I was like, just swiveling my hips and I was like in a squatting position that was like, this baby is coming. And it's like you just really have to be comfortable with that primal part of yourself and letting it just rip.

Wow.

Man.

Women are so amazing. It blows my mind.

I know, right? Yeah.

I mean, awesome.

I feel like it's a science fiction. We create a human being inside of us and then it comes out of us and then it's ours. And then we feed them from our breath. Like, what? It's just miraculous.

So amazing. I love it and I really, really appreciate you sharing your story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I told you, I was on the edge of my seat. And I'm sure everybody else really appreciates hearing it too. It's so cool. So you just mentioned, actually the next thing I wanted to know a little bit about. I was going to ask you about breastfeeding and breastfeeding tips, because I've heard that, but it varies. So everybody's experience with breastfeeding is so different, and I think that it's a very important thing. So I just wanted to know a little bit about how your experience was and then if you have any tips.

Yeah, cool. So I will say breastfeeding was the most challenging thing for me out of the whole process, for sure. So I will share a little bit on my experience and then maybe a couple little tips that I think will be beneficial. So for me.

Little.

Little Emerson get you. Mary does a secure attachment. So you have your belly, not a supported attachment. You put, you know, you have your baby come out and you put them on the belt, your belly, and then you just let them in their own time, crawl up to the breast. Which is amazing to watch the. This little being just crawl up to the breast. I mean, it's like, wow, okay. I'm never going to doubt life ever again. Like, there is something powerful happening. So anyways, he latched on, but it wasn't a super strong latch. And you know, you gotta have the strong latch and then you get the colostrum to come through and then, you know, your milk comes in after like three to five days or whatever. So. So we were having a challenging time kind of getting a strong latch. And then my milk did come in and I had like, engorgement and you know, your boobs just getting really full and kind of that whole process. So we, yeah, the latch, I just, you know, I'd never. I had watched some things on breastfeeding, so I was just doing my research and trying to figure that out. But long story short, we. My nipples were sore for three months. Oh no. I had very sore nipples, which is very common. I know you'll hear about it in interviews. People say if it's sore, it's not, you know, like super painful, Something's not right. And that is true. But everyone that I've talked to, every mom that I've talked to is like, yes, for two to three weeks my nipples were like so hard, so sore, like they were cracked and they were bleeding. So it can be really intense. So they were really, you know, and I kind of got to the six week mark, the eight week mark and I was like, this is not getting better. So we saw like five lactation consultants. We saw an ENT in LA who is just supposed to be like the man and all of these people. And our midwife was helping us. And then we ended up getting in contact with Kitty France and she's literally one of the pioneers in breastfeeding and she's an amazing lactation consultant and nurse and she's in LA and she normally doesn't see people. And I emailed her, I'm like, I need your help, I'll pay whatever. I need your help. I've had sore nipples for three months. Something is not right and there's no other. For me, there was no other option. Like I was breastfeeding. So again, the kind of mental warrior training comes in that even though it was really intense, I alchemized it and I just breathed and, you know, really worked with the pain because I was so committed to doing it for our son and that's what was going to happen. So anyways, we went to see Kitty France and he had a slight shortened frenulum which it can be known as, it's called a tongue tie. So he had a slight tongue tie that a lot of people were, that missed. All the people that we had saw, had missed. And so it wasn't, it was causing his tongue to not fully do its thing and kind of, you know, do a little something wonky to my nipple. So she did literally, it's simple snip where he, he cried because we had to put him down. But she just gave it, you know, stretched it out a little bit and gave him more, more room to play with the Tongue. And he ended up like totally getting more milk. Our breastfeeding just became easier. And within like a week, almost all of my pain was gone. Wow. So it was huge, Huge, huge. And I think this is such a big issue because a lot of times people are. They think that breastfeeding just isn't working for them. And a lot of doctors don't look for this and they don't know what to look for. And that's what Kitty Frantz educates people on as well. So a lot of people will give up and their doctor will say, oh, you just can't breastfeed. That's not the case. Just with a little snip. And Jack Newman, who's in this interview series, talks about this as well. And I had emailed with him back and forth through this whole process. And if you are having challenging times, get help. And if you think that it is maybe a slight tongue tie, find the right person. It is so, so important. And, and a lot of times it's genetic. And for us, we didn't. Our whole family, both of our families had been breath or bottle fed. And if it's, if you've been bottle fed, you can still. You won't know that they have a tongue tie because they just kind of. The milk just goes in there or the formula just goes into their mouth. So bottle fed babies don't really. You won't know if they have a tongue tie. So we didn't really know if somebody in our family had it because everybody was, was bottle fed. So this is a practice that a lot of doctors used to do in the old days, like when a baby was born, they would just kind of go through the, you know, under the tongue and if there was anything, they would just kind of, you know, do a little snip at birth. Like that was just a natural ritual. I guess that's very common. So if you are having challenging times with breastfeeding, look at this as an option. So that I just want to share that.

Yeah, that's, that's huge to just go further, to pursue a little bit more if something's going on. It's a great tip.

Yeah. And you just got to be committed to doing it. So many people, you know, just give up on breastfeeding and it's such a bummer. So having that commitment that you really will breastfeed for the health of your child and your child's immune system and then also just for the emotional contact with your child and how important skin is for your child, that skin to Skin touch. So, yes, again, there's a theme. Mental, warrior, discipline, commitment. All very good themes.

Warrior mama. I love it. Goddess. Warrior mama. Yes. So part of. I think the next part, I'm interested. And I know we can't talk forever because I could talk forever with you about this. And we have a whole bunch of interviews to listen to, so it's going to be awesome. But I wanted to know how you kind of did with. With the postpartum phase, what you learned about it and what helped you just rock it.

Yes. Cool. So this is a very interesting phase. They all are very interesting. But so the postpartum, literally, I start off with, you are so excited for this child. And there you have such amazing love. And you never know. I've never felt that amount of love in just. Just the. You can't even put it into words. The experience of holding your own child and just, wow, it's. Yeah. Yes. Amazing. And then also, you literally, now you have a newborn, and it's. This little baby needs your attention 24 7. So it can be a very intense period, especially if you're trying to figure out the breastfeeding. And. And, you know, there's just. There's a lot to kind of navigate with it, so it can be. I will. You know, it is definitely not all rainbows and sunshines. It is. You know, you're adjusting. You're learning this child. You're learning how to become a mother, and it changes overnight. The life that you knew. You no longer have that life. And you're like, wow, it's just a. I used to just say it was like a magical whirlwind. It's. It's. You can't prepare for it, but one. You can. You can prepare for it, but then when it happens, it's. Yeah, you're just. You just got to be in it and rock it.

But different for everybody, too, I'm sure.

Yes, totally. But I would recommend that you get as much help as possible. Get support. Get support. I was. I didn't think it was gonna be that big of a deal. I was like, yeah, yeah. Everybody tells you to get support. And Jennifer Loudon, I think, in this interview series was talking about getting support, and there's a couple other people that talk about getting support. And I was like, okay, yeah, get support. Like, it's not that big of a deal. I have an awesome husband. Like, you know, we're gonna be great. It's gonna be fantastic. And we had hired a doula, a postpartum doula, before the Birth. And she was gonna come over and help. And yeah, she came. And after the birth, I was like, oh, my gosh, I know what people are saying, like, you barely have time for anything. So I would say get support, have parents come over, get a doula if you can, a postpartum doula. I will forever love our doula. She has been a saint. So I think that is one of the big things. And then also, you know, getting, having somebody make your food just so you make sure that your nutrition, your nutrition stays on top of it. You need to be doing everything that you, you can to really, to really stay as healthy and on as you can. And one other thing that I will share on that is the placenta. Mary Jackson talks about it in our interview, which is our midwife. That there is. You want to, you don't have to do this, and this may be extreme for some people, but doing the eating your placenta. So all mammals eat their placenta and I knew that I was going to do this, so. And Mary obviously, you know, helped us with that. So we had the placenta and we divided half of it and we made placenta capsules with half of it. And then I ate raw, I ate the raw placenta half of it. So we put it in like a little smoothie and we put like, and then put like a quarter ish of it in each smoothie. And that I do believe, you know, as I said, all mammals do this. I think that it is so important for you to be healthy, to like, it's like a boost to your immune system, a boost to your body, and you just release a lot of blood and it's a big ordeal for your body to go through birth. So I felt stronger, I felt amazing. And I do think that it was a lot of it was eating my placenta could have been placebo, but I don't think so. And I didn't have any sort of postpartum depression, any postpartum, any of that. So I, you know, if you, if you're listening to this and you feel intrigued, I would recommend checking it out. I will definitely do it for all of our children.

I've heard a lot about that and I've heard about the benefits of the minerals and everything in the placenta. So it's interesting. I definitely will be exploring that more. So thanks for talking about that.

Yes. And you might be like, oh, my gosh, that is nuts. But just do a little research.

Yeah, well, I don't think it's nuts, but I mean, it's Definitely not commonly practiced in a hospital setting. So it's definitely worth some research, though. I believe that.

Yes, totally. And then one other thing I will say on the, you know, period, the postpartum phase, is that what was helpful for me is just surrendering and that this, too shall pass and just enjoy the moments as, you know, your baby grows up so fast. I mean, my little. My little guy is six months, and it goes by so fast, and it may seem, like, chaotic and intense and does settle down. It does settle down. I promise, if you're ever in a moment after you have your child, you're like, oh, my gosh, think about it, okay? It is going to settle down. It all does settle down, and you find your groove, and you learn about this little human being, and you learn how to become a mother, and you step into your role, you know, relatively quickly. But it can be definitely a shock and a major shift. And again, the theme of this is you got to channel that warrior goddess, that warrior parent, and be like, we're doing this. We are doing this. We can do this. We can handle it. You know, and you're gonna have some days that are really rough, and you're gonna have some days where you feel like you're just on top of the world. So being willing to just ride that. That initial roller coaster for the first 612 weeks.

That sounds like an adventure. And then they start crawling, right?

Yeah. There's always Brian always joke. I'm like, we just need, like, this next phase. And Brian was like, you know, babe, there's always gonna be another phase. I'm like, you're right. You are right. I need. So just settle in the phase that you're in and know that there will always be something else and just to embrace and, like, love up your little baby. I just loved, like, staring at Emerson and sleeping with him. We co slept with him. Co sleep with him. And it's just. It is one of the most intense and amazing experiences ever. And I just, like, I never thought that I would love being a mom as much as I do. And at the same time, there are moments that I was like, I never thought that I would dislike some of the things about motherhood as much as I do. So it's a wide range of emotions, and it is the ride of a lifetime, and I highly recommend it.

Well, on your recommendation, I'll consider it in a little while. Thank you so much for sharing that, all of that with me and with everybody. I think that it's just a really cool taste of what you learned from these interviews and how you implemented it into your experience so far. And I'm excited about all of this. What's your hope for what people will get out of optimal parenting 101? What do you want people to get from this?

Yeah, I think for me, the biggest thing for optimal parenting 101 is that there are other options. There's so many different ways to parent. There's so many different ways to go through your pregnancy, your birth, and just to really listen to these interviews and take what feels right for you, what feels good, what resonates, and, you know, create your own optimal parenting philosophy. Like, what is your ideal? And take some time to create it, you know, and hopefully these experts and these authors will inspire you and you'll get a whole bunch of new ideas and tips that you can kind of implement into your. Into your philosophy and what your ideals are and just. Yeah, I hope that you really just feel inspired and that you create what you want and know that you can create what you want and that you can do it and let go of what is normal and what all of your friends are doing. And if you feel like you want to have a natural childbirth or you want to do some of these things, like stay strong and really lean on these experts and have the beautiful pregnancy and natural childbirth and. And step into parenthood powerfully.

I love it. I really, really love it. And I'm excited to hear any feedback that people have after they've gone into these interviews. I'm really curious to see how, you know, what everybody gets out of it.

Yeah, totally. And that's a great thing. So as you are listening to these interviews, please let us know. Share with us what you loved, what you're going to do. We would love to hear your feedback and your comments so you can always connect with us.

Yeah, I would love that. And so, Alexandra, I mean, the next obvious question is, is there going to be an Optimal Parenting 101 the Teenage Years?

That's really awesome. Well, I think I'm already getting excited because I. And we'll see how it all goes. But optimal parenting 101, I plan to, you know, have different phases, because there's kind of like this phase to the toddler phase, and then there's the teenage. There's so many different phases. So, yes, there will be more optimal parenting 101inter. I'm not sure how they will all come together, but, yes, I am a passionate learner, and I already have, like, a list of, like, 30 people I want to interview for this next phase. And I've read already, like, I don't know, 10, 15 books, like on the next phase, so there will be more. Awesome.

Well, I'm really, really excited. So thanks for sharing with me. And did you have anything else you wanted to add?

I think that is awesome. Thank you so much, Casey. And thank you all for being here. Thank you for signing up. Thank you for being willing to take responsibility for your birth and for your parenting and just to the desire to want to be a better parent. So I thank you. And I do believe that this information can change the world. And I've said it so many times, but how we bring our children into the world and how we parent them is who they will become as when they are adults. And it's such an amazing blessing to be able to give your child a healthy start.

Awesome.

Yay.

Well, thank you.

Thank you. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time, keep rocking it and have an awesome day.