Painless Childbirth with Giuditta Tornetta

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have some fun.

Hello and welcome. I'm Alexander J. Johnson and today's guest is Judita Tornetta. Judita is a certified birth and postpartum doula lactation educator, a certified clinical hypnotherapist, an NLP practitioner, and a certified shiatsu therapist. She is also a published author of the best selling book Painless Child An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth. Welcome Judith.

Thank you. Thank you. Lovely to be here.

So great to be here. And as we were just talking with, as I was just sharing with you, I read your book in a weekend and I love it, Painless Childbirth. It is definitely in my favorites list. So thank you so much for writing it.

Thank you. I'm glad to hear, I love to hear comments about my readers. It was my intention to write something that would be both entertaining and really sort of not as much instructional for the how to of pregnancy and labor, but how to sort of heal your soul and get in tune with body, mind, spirit and heart so that you could have the birthing experience you deserve and desire.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And I love that you integrate the body, mind and the spirit because there is so much being a pregnant woman, there is so much of the physical and things that you need to do and prepare for. And I just really appreciate that you brought the emotional and the mental and the spiritual component of it. Really makes it a spiritual journey for all of us.

Yeah. And you know, nowadays people truly understand a lot more the connections. And you know, people say mind, body, spirit, but I also add heart to it because we're women and we are more than just mind, body and spirit. Our heart is very much engaged. But one thing that we forget is that our body has memories. So the memories and the process is not just in the mind. So during pregnancy, we spend a lot of time about what our body is going to do, what our physiology, our anatomy, and all of that of the body, forgetting that our body has memories. And those memories are going to play a very important part during the labor and the birth of the baby. And if we don't address them, the body's memory can actually help stall labor, slow it down, or even can determine whether we're going to have medical intervention or not.

So then we need to really tap into our heart and our mind and our emotions. If we want to have a painless childbirth. Can you talk about painless childbirth? What is that? Because I'm sure a lot of people are like, what? I've never heard anything like that before.

Well, it's definitely controversial, let me tell you. Was like, I've had such an interesting, just such an interesting adventure with the word painless. People have taken it all sorts of ways, including very, you know, felt insulted by it. Interesting is that we actually have research that shows that up to 1% of all women in United States, so we're talking about 45,000 women every year, do say that they have experienced the painless childbirth. So in this world that needs scientific studies to back up something, there is actually such a thing. So painless childbirth is indeed a reality for 45,000 women. And so the first thing, obviously I had personally a painless childbirth 29 years ago, 28 years ago with my daughter. And my thought was, oh, my God. All I heard in my pregnancy was that it was going to be painful. So the fact that it was painless not only was surprising, but it was also immediately made me really want to share the experience that I've had with other women, because there's plenty out there about pain management, but nobody tells you that you could actually have a painless childbirth. Now, what I want to make very sure that everybody understands is that when I say painless, the word painless means one less pain, not pain free. And furthermore, and most importantly is that we need to just switch our understanding of what pain is. So it's not like you're not going to feel anything, because definitely I say it's the mighty power of God coming through you. You're going to feel it for sure. But it is an intense sensation that has a positive outcome. And therefore it's your attitude towards that sensation that is going to determine whether you're going to be suffering or whether you're just going to be able to power through it. So painless means, yes, you're going to feel it, but you're going to switch your consciousness as to what the feeling is, and you're not going to identify it as something gone wrong, like a painful event. You break your leg, something is wrong. With childbirth, it lasts one minute, maybe a minute and a half, or 30 seconds at the beginning. And we can all handle a minute and a half as long as we stay in the moment, then you have a reprieve. So the trick is staying in the.

Moment, and I love that too, of, like, not thinking, because so many of us associate pain or Intense sensations with there's something wrong. So I love that you address that, that it's not something wrong. It's literally God flowing through you, creation flowing through you.

Exactly, exactly. And you know, symbolically and actually physically, what's happening is that you have to open up. Which goes back to the reason why I made my book. A little bit of a sort of like an empowering journey, trying to teach mindfulness and consciousness and awareness of the self. Because you don't just open your hips, you don't just open the birth canal. You have to open your heart.

You.

Have to open your mind, you have to be open. And you can only completely open up if your center is very strong. Otherwise you feel too vulnerable and too afraid to open. And therefore you're going to feel pain. The chemistry of fear is attached to the chemistry of pain, to the sensation of pain. Fear creates the fight and flight reaction which has adrenaline and catecholamine within it. So, and it's because nature is such a perfect, perfect, perfect design, so that, you know, 3,000 years ago you were in the fields and you were giving birth. And this actually happens to every single animal out there. If you're about to give birth and a bear shows up or a tiger or whatever predator there is, your body will produce catecholamine and adrenaline. One to close your cervix and the other one to stop labor so that you can run away. So there's a definite chemistry, chemical component to fear. And so we have to really work on our fears in order to prevent those hormones to come in at the wrong time. Because then we welcome those hormones when it's time for us to push the baby out. Because then they help us expel it.

Right through your book, you take us through the nine chakras and then also nine rites. Can you just talk a little bit about that and how that plays into our birth process and why those are important steps for us to embark on as we look to have a painless childbirth.

Absolutely. Well, one of the things that I, you know, obviously I've read many, many spiritual and self help books in my life and I followed many sort of teachings from all over the world. And one thing that has really worked for me is to actually have tools to do it. Because one thing is just to know thyself, love yourself. Da da da da da da. But really the thing is that the thing that has helped me the most in life is to actually have somebody give me tools and tell me, okay, do this and then do that and so on. So when I was writing this book, I was really looking for a sort of structure, a roadmap, better said, that would help me help each mother go through this process. And you know, because again, you know, everything in nature and in life is kind of perfect. When I was inspired to use the chakras, I started looking at them because they totally made sense in terms of the physical position of where they were. Obviously, the baby comes through your first chakra. And we know in yoga that your chakras have to be open for you to have sort of like a free flow of energy. And also what was miraculous is that I started looking at the comparison between what I call the nine basic human rights, which are sort of the truth of the laws embedded in each chakra and the fetal development in the womb. So at first I saw my God, not only I have a roadmap. Well, it makes sense, which frankly was very surprising. And there you go. I had my 10 chapters of my book when I was looking for structures. And then all this sort of stream of consciousness writing that I had written, I could have an order for it. So the reason why. So what happens is that every month of pregnancy, and there are 10 months because there are nine chakras, but then there is the art of letting go, which is totally appropriate for your 10th month of pregnancy. Are specifically designed with the understanding that each chakra is a life lesson that you can learn. It relates to a stage of development in the womb. So as you learning that life lesson and sort of clearing and own your right, let's say first chakra, your right to be here. Your baby being just a yoke and a heartbeat, is learning, if you will, through osmosis, some of the tools that you're using to feel like, yeah, I have a right to be in this world. So many of us were either an accident, or maybe mommy wanted a boy, or we really were wanted. But any, you know, so many times, but not all the time, but so many times we have felt that maybe we have don't we have no right to be here. And that's at the root chakra. It's working on your right to be here, but also goes into the root chakra, has to do, for instance, with your tribe. And every person is taught culturally and socially. And the acceptance. And so your choices, let's say you want to do a home birth rather than a hospital birth, or you want to go the natural way. You might be going against what your mother did or what all your friends have done. And so in that particular chapter, because we're talking about the first traka, which is related to the tribe and where we come from. That's when we heal and we try to come to understanding what our own desires are free from, what our familiar cultural or social understanding is. And so the roadmap starts and the journey starts. And in each chakra we discover different relationships with different parts of an aspect of our life as they relate to us and as they relate to the unborn baby.

I love that too. That our baby, as we are going through this process of 9, 10 months of transformation, that we are teaching in many ways our child what the world is like and preparing them for the world by our integration.

You know, what was phenomenal is when I started discovering this correlation. You know, let's say let's take the fifth chakra, which is your throat chakra, which is the right to speak and, and hear the truth. And that is right. Right when although the baby has been kicking in the womb for all this time, around the end of the fourth month, at the beginning of the fifth month is when mom really feels the kick and it's the hey, let's talk. You know, I' is this like communication, this really strong communication that the baby is doing with you. And in fact there are even like those little fun tapping games that you can play with the baby where you tap on the belly and the baby taps back and all of that. And so that's like such a great opportunity to start thinking, okay, how do I use my words? How important are they? Do I, you know, do I say what I mean or do I say something but I really mean something else? And so we take time each step of the way to understand our behaviors, our body memory, as I was telling you before. And at the same time, by being more conscious of what we do and how we do it, we are teaching our child right when that particular thing is happening in him or her as well. We're not going to teach him anything as much as we're going to give him the tools. You know, they say the best way of teaching is by example. So we're going to say, well, look at the way I do it. And you know, if that works for you.

That'S fascinating. As you were just saying, the fifth chakra and the throat chakra and the right to speak. I was thinking for me there was probably around the fifth month where I had over committed myself, and I was definitely feeling like I needed to kind of speak my truth and just shift and change things, although I didn't want to and whatever. But There was definitely a feeling of needing to kind of speak my truth and be willing to change. And I did it. And I also kind of had the feeling like I'm teaching our child how to trust himself, herself, you know, and really speak up for themselves. So it was a very interesting, interesting time for me. So that's interesting that you said that.

Wow. Exactly. Those are, like, really healthy boundaries, you know, and usually also what's interesting is a woman about. Because the baby starts kicking at five months, she becomes way more conscious that she's pregnant. Because up to about four months, you know, you don't even see it sometimes, Right? Yep. And. And then at five months, it's like, oh, okay. Yep, this is really happening. I have somebody in my stomach, and I have to start being more conscious of that, you know, which, of course, then immediately after that, the sixth chakra follows, which is the visualization and, you know, your intuition and the right to see, you know, the right to see. And it's not just seen visually, although that's there too, but it's like your. Your intuition to see, your vision of your birth. And again, most women even hire a doula at about six months because they are starting to seriously begin to think about the journey and what they want and to visualize the birth and all of that, and they start to pay attention more at the whole vision, the whole image of what the birth is going to be like.

Fascinating. I love it. I love that you pulled all this together.

I'm amazed, too, because I think I didn't do anything is kind of, like, given to me, and I'm very grateful that it was given to me because I'm as surprised as many of my readers, to tell you the truth.

That's so awesome. So what do you recommend.

A woman.

Do to kind of prepare for birth or for a painless childbirth, like, mentally, emotionally? How does one begin to open up their heart to really having a painless childbirth?

Very, very good question. You know, it's funny. I was just writing an article yesterday for a magazine, and I just actually put together some points, so I have it ready.

That's great.

The article is actually called. What is it called? Finding your birthday. So obviously the first thing is to find a good pregnancy book and, you know, shameless plug, but. But whether it's mine or not, in a. Mae Gaskin also has a really great book out there. And it doesn't even have to be pregnancy, to tell you the truth. It's just a book that really talks to you about you, you know, about Yourself and your awareness and how to become a better person, how to get to know yourself, you know. So definitely reading and writing is extremely important. I love. Let's see if I can pronounce it right. But his name is Sitch Nathan, which is a Vietnamese writer and he really very much speaks about being in the moment. It's spelled T H I C H.

Oh, Thich Nhat Hanh.

Thank you. Thich Nhat Hanh. Yeah.

Magical.

He's really magical. And he's really good for staying in the moment. So any of his books are really phenomenal. I highly recommend to find a good prenatal yoga class because yoga not only is gentle exercise, but it also engages your heart and spirit as well as your body. So I think that it's very, very important. Commit to spending minimum of 10 minutes every day talking to your baby and talking to yourself. Sometimes some clients of mine say, well, I don't know what to say. And I tell them, well, there are a couple of things you can do. One, you can make a song to your baby. You can take a popular song or you can make up your own song. I have chosen the name of my children early on in pregnancy. So I just took a popular song and put their name in it and to sing it every day. The great thing about that is when they're born, they will really relate to that's their song. And believe it or not, I still teach, I still sing my song to my children. And they're 27 and 29 and that is a really incredible, incredible connection. But also read fairy tales to them. Just like commit 10 minutes where you of talking to your baby and connecting with your baby. Definitely take a childbirth education class and I personally prefer the ones that incorporate hypnosis, dance and practical example on how to move your body. You don't want to just sit and have somebody talking to you. That doesn't work. That again, only engages your mind. And sometimes your mind just goes somewhere else doing labor. You know, it's your limbic system and the primordial brain that comes up and does the work. So you want to engage everything. Interview many providers until you find one that your body tells you they like it. Not your mind. Don't go for your logic. Your body is really in tune when you're pregnant, much more than you even know. So listen to your body, but you have to be conscious and you have.

To know.

You know, you have to really be sort of present with your body, but let your body tells you, tell you who is the appropriate person for you to have in your birthing. If you can find a doula, just remember that doulas are come in all sorts of different shape and sizes and prices, and just having somebody there, it's better than nobody at all. Especially if you're going to a hospital.

Right.

Enroll your family and friends. Ask for family and friends support and not their opinion.

Huge.

Huge. Okay, so you don't want to go even to your doctor or anybody and just go, oh, I want to have a home birth. What do you think? Who cares what they think? Decide what you want and then say, I'm going to have a home birth, and I really would like your support. And if you can't support me, let's not talk about it. And if a total stranger comes to you on the street and tells you, start telling you about her nightmare of a bird and. Or a friend does the same thing, just stop her and say, you know what? I love to hear your birth story after I have my own.

Mm.

So that you try not to get so much negative connections. And I get so many clients saying, oh, my God, my friend had this happen, and my friend had that happen. And what if this. And it's like, too much information.

Right. So what do you recommend for listening to people's birth stories? Because there's something powerful about listening to people's birth stories and just kind of being aware of it. Do you recommend only, like, listening to positive birth stories or.

Well, again, you know, your body will actually have a reaction when somebody starts telling you the story. So definitely stay in tune with your body. If your body starts, you know, your heartbeat starts racing and you're starting to feel uncomfortable. Stop. The person I love in a Mae Gaskin childbirth. With that book, it's about there are only birth stories, and there are some difficult birth stories there, too, but you can still read them. So it's not a question of only listening to what's good. You know, I'm not. It's called Guide to Childbirth. I think in a magazine. It's not about doing the Siddhartha, repeating the Siddhartha story where Buddha, that is Siddhartha, only saw the beauty of everything and never met an old person and then was totally shocked when he left the palace and discovered that there was old age and death. Mm. It's not about being blind and not being prepared. It's just about be aware of the energy people bring into your environment. And if it's negative energy, whatever it is, you know those people that are always telling you something is wrong.

Yes.

You know, you don't have to be pregnant to let them go. Just let them go. You know, I actually have a sign as you open the door of my house, there is a sign right in front of you, and it just says, be aware of the energy you bring into this space. I don't need it. I just don't.

Right.

You know, so it's okay to say no gently. Always gently. And that's why I say, you know. You know what? I really want to hear to your story, but let me have mine first.

Yeah, I love it, too, because there is just, like, when you are sharing that, there is like, an opening. Like, it feels spacious and gentle and loving to yourself and then also to somebody else. Not, like, resistance. Because I know a lot of people can be like, I don't want to hear it. You know, and kind of fighting it, but it seems.

Yeah. And remember that a woman's birth story is the most magical, even though might be a negative one, is the most magical and the most profound memory of her life. So you want to be gentle because you have to give unto others what you want others to give on to you. So always be gentle. Always be gentle but firm. You know, don't criticize, condemn, or complain. Therefore, don't sit around for criticism, condemnation, and complain.

Mm.

You know, be sincere and appreciate. Oh, my God. It sounds like you really have an incredible story to tell, and I really want to hear it. It's just so right now I want to stay in a different space, but I love you and I want to hear it.

That's awesome. Would you be willing to share some of your. Maybe one or two of your favorite birth stories just to kind of paint an image of a painless childbirth for us?

Well, let me tell you, first of all, all my birth stories are gorgeous.

You just seem like you're an amazing presence. I just have to say that just reading the book and the presence that you give in the hospital, in home births, I can definitely feel your energy from your book and just the presence and the love that you bring. It's awesome. So I just wanted to say that.

Thank you. Thank you. You're really sweet. You know, we've all had a more challenging birth and difficult. But usually that has to do with the doctor or the, you know, the hospital, not with the mother. So every birth has been amazing. I have had my first orgasmic birth just last Monday. Let's see, I was in Mexico, blah, blah, blah. I think it was the 9th of July, which was incredible. It was just really, really beautiful. We got to the hospital. And to tell you the truth, every single birth is so different that I by no means am an expert. I am so humbled by the fact that I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen at any birth, in a sense, because they're all very different. But I had this wonderful mom in the tub and she was doing really well, but we were still talking between contractions and all of that. I got her out of the tub, her water broke in a big gush, which is not common, but it's not uncommon because you never know. And I just kind of got a feeling, you know, she goes to the hospital. If you looked at her and you talked to her, you probably think, oh, maybe it's her. Lee Weber. But, you know, this is as much as we have a lot of scientific research as a background, this is totally a gut job, an intuition job. So I just said, well, you know, let's just go to the hospital. Well, sure enough, that let's just go to the hospital. Turned out that she was 10 centimeters, 100% of age, and plus two, like, wow, okay, that was a good idea. And she gave birth to this beautiful baby. And then all of a sudden she starts shaking. And I just gently go next to her, try to explain that it's very common at this point or in transition that a woman starts shaking and she goes, no, no, no, I'm actually having an orgasm.

Oh my gosh.

I went, oh, my gosh, what an honor. And of course, you know, stepping away from the orgasmic mother, giving her a moment, very intimate moment, but that was truly mind boggling that this happened the other day. But, you know, there is no birth gone wrong because in the end a baby was born. There are births that teach you a tremendous amount that therefore you can do, you can make better choices next time. There are births that are, you know, the mother of all teachers. And there are definitely providers and hospitals that need to improve because I've seen enough of, you know, abuse and all sorts of terrible things. But. And it's not the same as, you know, hospitals say. Sometimes you hear a provider or a hospital say, well, as long as the baby's doing fine, it's okay. No, it's not okay because the woman's memory has to be preserved. And the act is sacred, and the moment is sacred. And we are shaped by our birth for the rest of our lives. So definitely there is no lightness of that. But there is also something that, you know, the woman has to be as to accept in terms of once you have Done everything that you could, then remember that it's not just your decision. The baby comes into the world. Labor is not happening to you, but you and the baby are working together to bring a new life into this world. So that's a very important shift of consciousness that people have to have.

Mm. Having a partnership with your. With your baby.

Yeah, Having a partnership with your baby and understanding. Some babies want to be born through a cesarean section, through a cesarean birth. That's not my preference, but for some reason, that's what they want. So we have to make a plan and then release it. And that's why chapter 10 is the art of letting go in my book, because now that you're prepared, now let go of all your expectations. It's almost like the famous let go of all expectations before you enter this room. I do think expectations are a setup for failure, no matter what, any expectations. So just trust that whatever it is that is coming to you, what's meant to be, as long as you have cleared your path, as long as your chakras are wide open and clear, as long as you have, you can remove all fears. And it's okay not to remove fears, because, thank God we have fears so that we can save ourselves. People that are fearless are also daredevils. And that's not what you want to be when you're pregnant. You don't want to be their devil, you know, but you have to remove the fears that have nothing to do with birth. We have to remove the. I'm not good enough. Therefore, I can tell. I cannot tell my provider what I want because, you know, they went to medical school and I didn't. Or I'm not good enough. I don't deserve good things because I was told as a little girl that I wasn't. That I wasn't good enough. Or, you know, I can't trust my body because, you know, look at me. I'm so overweight. My body has given up on me. Or all sorts of things that we tell ourselves. Those are the things that you have to remove, and you really have to sort of go through. And, you know, that's one thing that you can do with my book also, is that you can just take that little chart in the front, and you can just go down the right, close your eyes, and say, okay. Do I feel like I have a right to feel my feelings? Do I feel that I have a right to speak my truth? Do I feel that I have a right to know everything that I need to know? Have I asked the Right. Questions. And then of course I add the 9th and the 8th Chakra which are, do I have a right to divine powers and do I feel like I'm one with God? If I feel like I'm one with God, then all is possible. If I'm not one with God, then I'm an inferior being that doesn't deserve perfection or bliss or painlessness or orgasms. Yelling birth.

And like you said in your book somewhere too that when we're at one with God, when we feel connected to God, there's no struggle. There isn't the pain and the fears.

There is no struggle. You know, and I want to make sure that everybody understands that, you know, when I talk about God, it's a God of their own understanding. You know, it's a non denominational and some people because of their past have a very negative connotation with the word God. I've had a couple of people that say, you know, I really don't like you to say the word God to me and I totally understand that. So, you know, call it Mother Nature. So people said, well, you know, if you're an agnostic or you're an atheist, your book is really not going to work for me. And my point is that I don't want to turn you into a spiritual person and a God believer. But even if you're an agnostic or even an atheist, if you look at all the animals and how they give birth, you can't but be in awe at the miracle of what birth is and how you can go on YouTube and watch how an elephant gives birth. And if an elephant gives birth that way, why can't you? You know, so it doesn't really matter what you call it. It doesn't have to have any sort of religious connotation, but it has this sort of like giving birth has almost nothing to do with you. It is something that you were meant to do. You know, I was not meant to be a writer, a lawyer, whatever. I was a Weber. And all of us women were meant to give birth. That's how our body was built, just like a man was meant to inseminate. Now not all women can give birth for some, you know, physical reason and not all men. But if you're pregnant, you were meant to it. So that is the nature, the force, the energy, whatever you want to call it that you want to call upon. And that energy, that force has no fear because it's born to do that. How can you be fearful to fly if you're a bird that are Born to do that. You just fly. A fish does not fear swimming because they're just fish. So it's that kind of a connection. When you really become one with God, you're becoming one, or whatever you want to call it, you're becoming one with creation. You are the vessel of creation. Therefore, there is no fear, and there can also be no pain, certainly no suffering.

Fantastic. So do you have any tools? Because you are saying tools are important to how we really surrender and let go and let creation do her his thing.

Well, I definitely think that in labor, the most important thing is to really learn mindfulness and the moment. Right. So in a practical sense, I think that you should, you know, somebody should practice. A mother should practice being in the moment. You know, just being aware of your breath. As simple as that. I'm breathing in, and now I'm breathing out. Also, really pay attention. One of the exercises that I do in my hypnosis for birth class is I, you know, we chat for about half an hour or so, and then I tell everybody to close their eyes. And then I start asking them what color the walls are, what color the carpet is of the room, you know, how many women, how many men, how many blondes, how many brown brunettes. And what often we realize is that we are in a place and we have no idea that we're there because our mind is always somewhere else. You know, so totally practice and play that game of mindfulness and presence. Stay in the moment, look at everything. Can you actually leave whatever it is. I'm speaking from my office, and can I leave my office and go into the other room and tell you everything that is on my desk? Everything that is. It's a very messy desk and everything that is on the wall. Am I living a mindful life, or am I always thinking of something? Now, there are two kinds of people. No, there are many kinds of people, but often there are. There are two things that we do. Either there are those of us that stay in the past, and so we are led, and our life is leading from the past. So in labor, for instance, a woman would come out of a wave and say, oh, my God, that was really, really hard. She's in the past, or somebody that is always in the future, which is kind of like my thing. Unfortunately, I'm a Sagittarius. I'm always looking like, what am I going to do tomor? And those are the ones that go, oh, my God, I don't think I can do another one. In labor, what we do as a partner, as A doula. What I say is, I don't deny where they're at, but I bring them to the presence. And I go, yes, but how do you feel right now? And usually if you're talking to me, you're feeling pretty good. Otherwise you'd be in the midst of a wave. And you are not talking to me during active labor or transition. So really to practice being in the moment. And I have a really funny story. I had a woman that we decided, usually I take my own car to drive when they're in labor, but we decided that she really wanted me in the car with her while she was in labor. And of course, we had practiced this mindfulness and we were transporting to the hospital. And so she was in the car going, and we're stopping at the stop sign on the right. There are two people walking down the street. It's really for her to hold on that moment, knowing in her head that when she was in that moment, because she was talking, she was feeling pretty good. And also in hypnosis, we use the command word notice. Because when you say to somebody, oh, notice your fingers. You will immediately go and look at your fingers. Okay? It's just a classic hypnosis command word. And so the partner or the doula, we say, so notice how your shoulders feel, you know, and usually you're pretty self in the shoulder area, you know, so notice, you know, how your body feels now. Oh, yeah. I had a mother that said to me, oh, my God, I feel like I'm on drugs in between. It feels so good. I want this.

That's awesome.

So it's definitely preparing for mindfulness awareness, being in the moment, not thinking about the past and the future and letting go. A very typical thing that a woman does when she's in labor is stay on her tippy toes, bring your shoulders up to her ear, and try to go away from the sensation. And what I teach my mothers is yielding to it. Open your legs, stay in sort of like a, you know, karate position, one of those, like, really strong position. In yoga, we call it the goddess position, where your legs are, are apart. They're very solid on the ground. You're moving. Because again, you know, they say that pain cannot hit a moving target. You keep on moving and allowing your body to sort of dance the dance of labor. And you yield into it. You just bring it. And that's what I love about the nine chakras. If you look at the picture that is in my book, you see that the 8th and the 9th chakra kind of Make a funnel so that the baby can come through. There is a design of a baby right on top of the seventh. And so if you put yourself in sort of like that goddess position with your legs apart, knee bent, your feet strongly on the ground and your arms out, we always forget about the arms when we are in labor. But opening the arms is letting the heart open. And you just imagine that the baby is coming through the funnel. Then you're going to yield into it. Instead of going away, you know, on your tippy toes, you're shooting that baby back up into the heavens. You want to yield into it. This feeling of going into it, giving it into the earth, allowing mother Earth to just take all your strength and give you strength and energy to through your feet and just yielding to it could really be powerful.

I love that beautiful image as well. Definitely a woman standing in her birth power, right?

Absolutely. Absolutely, yes.

And then what's your thought or tips on really? It seems like for most of us women, especially in the modern culture, not trusting our bodies as much. How do we really tap into that body wisdom and trust our bodies and trust that it is a natural process and we don't have to intellectually plan it all out, that there is creation that's doing its thing. How do we actually tap into that energy?

Well, that's a very good question. You know, the first thing that I suggest a woman does is understand how you need to trust your body intellectually. And the way you understand that you need to trust your body intellectually is to know that your body. Let me see if I can find this, because it's really good. Your body does not know how much blood do you need at what time. It does not know that you know, I mean, your mind does not know exactly what you need to do in order for you to. For your heart to beat, for your lungs to work for, you know, you gotta, you cut yourself and it bleeds for a little while, but then it immediately coagulates and starts healing. All that is an automatically. Not only it's so automatic, but no scientist, no chemist could never do in a year's time the kind of solution problem that your subconscious mind solves every minute. You know, like how much you lose through perspiration. Do you know how much water and how much salt and how much of each different element in your food needs to be absorbed in your bloodstream to maintain perfect health? No, not only you don't know. No doctors know it, but your body does. Right? So I want you to first intellectually understand that Whether you trust it or not, it's happening, right? Your body is working perfectly. So then you say, well, you know, this is all fine and good, but what if I get sick? You're right. When you get sick, you might have to do something human made, right? Not really, but let's say that that's where you're going, but you're not getting sick. So, again, what you need to do is to shift your consciousness from, you know, pregnancy is a condition to pregnancy is something the body does, like heartbeat, digesting your food, dealing with a heart, with a. With a sunburn or whatever. Because birth is a natural process. Your body, and this is all intellectually knows what to do. Okay, so intellectually, we have taken care of the mind, right? And the second thing that you need to do is that you now really should take your time to recollect all the times in your past that you have achieved things that you think you would have never achieved before. And that goes beyond your body.

Mm.

You know, I suggest to do like a achievement board in my book to my clients. I also do, you know, have them in hypnosis fill up those clear jars, transforming all the memories of their courage, strength, and all the experience of love into a colored liquid that they can fill those jars with. And then during labor, they could actually go and get those jars and pour onto themselves this colored liquid of strength, courage, and love. So that your memory also is there to remind you that not only it's happening, but you've actually noticed it when you actually healed yourself or when your body healed, or when you had the strength to run a marathon when you never thought you could even walk around the block or, you know, something like that, because it happened to everybody. By the time you get pregnant, one thing or another has happened. And also the memory of accomplishments that you never thought you would. So that also has to do with memory. But then it starts becoming a body memory, because the moment that you remember the time where you overcame something, your body will actually be reminded of that. And then you have to just do a lethal faith. And, you know, that is the hardest thing for sure, right? But you have to make a decision. And the decision is you've already made a decision by getting pregnant. And trust, that's what people think.

Yep.

We are all so concerned about the birth. And I teach a baby care class, and for God's sake, not enough mothers come and take it. And, you know, my baby class, you know, I have huge childbirth education classes and very little baby class. And Bert is going to be 24 hours. Probably less, maybe more. Maybe 50 years.

Totally.

I think you might need to want to know more about that.

So what are some of the common challenges that you work with? Or not even challenges, but things that you do in your baby class? Like, I think it's a great point. I'm kind of at that point where I'm like, I've read a lot on the birth and whatever, and it's like, now the baby is going to be born and what do you do then?

Okay, I'm going to make you laugh. One of the common things that I say is baby. I mean, look at the baby. Little human being, not ufo. Because so many parents will say, well, how do I dress my baby? And I'm like, well, how are you dressed? What do I do? When they treat the baby like it's like a little ufo, this little thing that they don't even know. Oh, I don't know. How am I going to baby? How should I pick him up? Can you teach me how to pick the baby up accordingly? And it's like, whoa, little human being, not ufo, you know, So I think that the most important thing, you know, it goes, again, trust that you know what you're doing. First and foremost. Trust that you know. Two, treat him with respect. Tell him everything that is going to happen before it's happening, because that is a respectful thing to do. So many times you just have the mother talking to you with the baby in her arms, and then she just gives her invited, excuse me. You know, think of a giant picking you up and just like carrying you around without telling you what's. That's pretty scary, right? Right. Second of all, if you don't like something, probably your baby doesn't like it either, you know, so think of, like, those car seats. And sometimes mothers keep the baby in the car seat for hours, even after the car, because finally the baby's gone to sleep yet. And see this baby with this little head down, all scrunched up, sleeping. It's like, okay, imagine yourself sleeping there for two hours. What is it going to feel like when you get out of that chair? Common sense. Like, little human being, what do you like? Is it cold? Is it warm? Is it hot? All those questions, all the questions about your baby you have an answer to, you do not need an extra unless there is something wrong. So again, trust that you know what you're doing. You know, you can get a puppy at your house and you totally think you know what you're doing. And it's not even a human being you bring a baby at home and you're like, lost. Very funny. Also definitely look at documentary called Babies. Because if the African baby and the Mongolian baby can survive.

I know, Amazing, right?

Right in the midst of cows or whatever those things were. In a bucket. Yeah, you're fine. You're good. You're very good. But, you know, I think that the most important thing that I tell my parents and usually the thing that I say to everybody is that if you remember anything that I've said, please remember this. And that is when first the baby comes out and is put on your chest, hopefully, and you're going to look at each other because they are in awe at your beauty and you are in awe at theirs, they're going to talk. And everybody calls it crying. But remember that it's the only time the baby actually. It's the only way that the baby can actually speak. And we call it crying. And it helps us cry. But we as adults think that crying is something that we do when we're in distress, when we're feeling bad, when we are not happy. And so automatically our reaction is to say to the baby, no, no, no, no, don't cry. It's okay. It's okay. Don't cry. And what we don't realize is that the first thing that we tell our children is no. So what we really want to do is we want to shift, that we want to call it talking and not crying. If you just think of that every time you bring your baby home and they are talking, then you shift and not wanting to fix it and get all upset because you can't fix. But if you say to your baby, as soon as you hear their voice for the first time is, wow, is that your voice? How cute is that? Tell me more. Then, first of all, what you'll be surprised is that the quality of their talking is going to change. It's almost like they look at you and they go, oh, my gosh, she hears me. It's so beautiful. Because it's not so, you know, it's more like, oh, I actually have a voice I'm heard. And it really changes your relationship. Beautiful. Welcome. Welcome to the world. You can speak, you can express yourself, you can have feelings. You have a right to be here. We love you so much. You have a right to be loved. Of course, those are all the, you know, the nine basic human rights that I know by heart. So I have a tendency of just saying them.

Right.

They're instinctual, you know, they're instinctual. Welcome. So happy. You're here. Yes, I know. Tell me you're feeling that. You felt that bird, didn't you? I know. And all those likes. Yeah. I love looking at you. God, you are teaching me so much. You are such a beautiful expression of God. All these really loving and welcoming words.

That's so beautiful. And it's just like, you know, there's a. As you were saying earlier, like we think, you know, baby's crying and we're like, what's wrong? And what are we doing wrong and what's the baby's doing wrong and like trying to fix everything rather than like really just reveling in our babies talking to us. That's totally a shift of a paradigm shift.

It's totally a paradigm shift. And you know, I mean even when you bring the baby home and he's in the crib and you, well, God forbid in the co sleeper or wherever, you know, there's no God forbid. It's whatever it is that you think that it's up for you. When you go and approach him, first you center, try to take a breath and do exactly what you did in labor. Stay in the moment. And then, you know, sometimes what I do, I do subtitles as a postpartum doula, I do subtitles for the baby so that the mom can laugh a little. You know, levity really helps in postpartum. And it's like, oh my God, what are you saying? I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Okay, here's the world. Oh, you're not hungry. Oh, maybe it's your diaper. You say, oh, change my diaper. And I do that a lot also for second time babies so that I can teach the toddler that when the baby is crying they don't need to freak out and they can just have fun with the subtitle.

That's really funny. That's great too. Keeping it light and fun because it sounds like. And obviously I don't have any children yet on their way, but it seems like it's an intense time, the postpartum time. But if you can kind of bring a little bit more of the fun in the subtitles, maybe that there's a little bit more play into it.

Yeah, levity is very important and obviously in the postpartum experience. Please, please, please enroll everybody to help not to come and hold the baby. Nobody should hold the baby at all other than mom and dad for, you know, at least one to two weeks after the birth. But everybody to throw in some laundry to bring you food to walk the dogs do not say to whoever asked, can I do anything? Don't go, oh, no, we're okay. Because you're not. You need help. You need the village.

Awesome. Fantastic. So is there, like, I love the baby talking, not crying. Is there as a woman listening to this, embarking on her journey to welcome her baby, is there any last minute wisdom that you'd like to share with her, really send her off?

You know, I know nothing and don't listen to me. Don't listen to any experts. You are the expert. Trust you that your gut will never fail. You know everything you need to know and enjoy the ride. It is a ride that lasts forever. Parenting is perfect and the child has chosen you and they have chosen well.

Amen. Right? Yes. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. So where can people find more about you, learn about your. You have your book and meditations and classes and courses. So where do people find you?

Yeah, well, obviously I'm in Los Angeles and so most of my classes are done here. All the information about my work is at www.joy.com and you can find also, I do workshops also for professionals. I'm doing incredible workshops for professional. Anybody wants to come in Bali with one of my teachers, who is Robin Lim, who's amazing and some other incredible women going to happen in October. I'm teaching. I'm also available to travel around. And as long as somebody puts together enough a nice juicy group of women, I will travel to your town and talk. I am. This is what I do. Like, this is all I do. My children are grown and I'm not a grandma yet. So I love, I love this. I'm very, very, very, very lucky.

Beautiful. Well, fantastic. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your love and your courage and your power and all your awesomeness with us today.

Welcome. Thank you. You're very lovely. And I want to hear about your birthday.

The floor.

You let me know. I will.

Definitely, definitely. Thank you. Thank you.

All right, Alexandra, thank you. Thank you for everybody who's listening.

Have a wonderful day.

You too.

Thank you.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blood. Blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.