Replenish Your Mama Goddess Life with Lisa Grace Byrne

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have some fun. Hello and welcome. I'm Alexandra J. Johnson and today we have a gorgeous guest, Lisa Grace Byrne and she is the founder of WellGroundedLife.com she's the author of Replenish experience, radiant calm and true vitality as you live love and mother in your everyday life. Best title ever. She's also a speaker, teacher, a trusted authority on vitality and well being for mothers. And she also coaches moms who want to create and grow prosperity businesses without sacrificing their own well being and their families. Very cool. So welcome Lisa.

Hello. Hello. Thanks for having me.

I'm so grateful to be talking with you. And you know, I have your book Replenish and I read it in a weekend. And Lisa also has taught a couple of classes with us on the academy and done interviews in our conferences. And every time that I watch her, I just feel relaxed. I'm like, oh, it's gonna be okay. We can do this as mothers. She's just, she has, as you'll see, she has amazing grounding presence and I really, I really appreciate her. So thank you, thank you. And let's start off with how do mothers thrive instead of survive? Because I think, you know, I'm a new mom with a 21 month old and I think it's an important conversation for us mothers because there's so many out there that are just trying to survive and definitely not rocking their goddess mama lives. So what can we do about this?

You know, there's so many answers to that question, I think, and where I always start is around the idea that drowning doesn't look like drowning. And there is this really phenomenal. And in the book I mentioned this, there's this great article very specifically about the literal experiences of children drowning near, very near adults is very, very high. And the reason this article is explaining is that the act of drowning doesn't look like what we think. It's not the loud, spectacular, attention grabbing event splashing. It's actually a very subtle event. And the reason is that the mechanisms that happen when you're drowning require you not to be able to make noise. They require your arms to stay down and your voice can't get above the level of water. But as I was reading this article, I just found myself like all the analogies, all the resonances were just Firing off, because I thought I was feeling like I was drowning as a mom. And outwardly, I don't think anyone would have. Experiences as moms, in some ways are the same thing. You know, it doesn't. Drowning sometimes doesn't look like drowning. It can be an isolating, very internal experience. And I think that's part of the bigger problem in our society. We're lonely in a very crowded world, and we don't have circles of maternal networks where we can express what's really happening internally. And if you think about water, right, you think about a boat going under, capsizing all the water in the ocean, as long as it's not inside the boat, the boat still stays afloat, right? It's not the amount of water, it's whether or not it's in the boat weighing it down. And I thought, you know, all these things that are causing me so much stress are things I want in my life. Like, they're my blessings. I'm not around that. Like, wow. Like, it is my kids that are driving me into the ground, but they're exactly what I want. And it's the marriage, right? That the demands and negotiating the dynamics of keeping ourselves lovers while we're also parenting and running a household together and dealing with our own stresses. But my marriage, I wouldn't give it up for anything. And so all of the things. And I thought, wow, how do I keep the water to buoy me? How do I keep my life, the fullness of my life, to keep me floating instead of, you know, putting me under, capsizing me? And one of the ways that I found was most effective was understanding how to protect my inner sense of calm. Because what I realized is that if I didn't have control over my inner world and vice, you know, so I was like, wow, I need to learn tools. I need to figure out a way that I can move through these waters. But inside, I have sovereignty. I have. You know, I'm the one on the dial for my own thermostat. And so a huge part of my work became understanding how to turn on the calm and how to maintain it even when life felt stressful and really playing with that paradox.

That's very cool. I love that. I love the drowning, too, because then I think you also bring up a really important thing for us moms. And I know I had this experience. I thought it was gonna be easier than it actually was. I'll be honest. I was like, I got this. I'm on it. You know, I researched, I studied. I was like, I'm doing this. And then I got into it, and I was like, wow. You know, it's a blessing and holy wow, what just happened to my life. And it was a lot harder than I anticipated. And I feel like most moms aren't. There isn't a space, like you said, to talk about it and to feel like, okay, I'm not the only one. Because I know I was looking around at some of my friends. I'm like, they never told me about this, that it was gonna be this crazy.

Yeah.

Like, I would kind of wish somebody would have told me. Or there was. You know, there's kind of some shame around it, I think, for moms. Like, I'm trying to do it all. So can you just talk on, Talk about that?

Totally. I think it's funny because one of the. Regardless of how women come into my circle and come into my courses or community, we always have to do the work of what is the process of the inner journey of motherhood. We have to explore that because I think there's a really before you become a mom, but there's a part of me that feels like, how could I possibly really explain it to someone unless they're experiencing it too? So I can almost understand why it's not passed across the boundary. And there's also such crazy expectations. Right. So before you become a mom, you have these amazing expectations about what a tremendous blessing this is going to be. And it is. But then when you are a mom, you're managing a lot of paradoxes, and I talk about that a lot, too. When you do the inner work of motherhood, it's getting used to paradoxes. It's opening yourself up to knowing your life is now. It's not either or. You're going to hold two opposite experiences at the same time. And until we get comfortable with that, then we can't actually accept all of us. It was so hard, and it was so wonderful, and they just didn't diminish each other. They were just both. Then I couldn't actually accept all of who I am because I had to turn one part off right before I would embrace the other. So I think that when we start processing who we're becoming, so there's another thread. You become a different person at every milestone of your life. And most of us have our own unique milestones, like, oh, this experience was formative. This relationship really, you know, changed me or influenced me strongly. Well, motherhood is a major identity formation. You become a new person, and we don't take any time to Honor that or process it. Our culture certainly doesn't. There's a really, really interesting research done. You know, gave birth in a hospital. A lot of times when they're leaving, they give you this formula bag. The pharmaceutical companies stock it with formula, zip it up, and they give it to the moms. So what was really interesting is they wanted to stop that. They wanted to say that's actually marketing. That's really crossing moral lines or ethical lines, I should say. So they wanted to stop it. But the mothers, even the 100% breastfeeding, I'll never touch formula moms were like, no, I want my back. Because it was the one little, like the gift to the mother, like the offering, like, I need my badge.

Oh, my gosh.

Mom's fought it. They're like, we want the bag. And they're like, well, I thought you indicated you're 100% breastfeeding. You're not. Oh, no, I'll give the formula away, but I want my bag.

You know, oh, my gosh.

But I thought it spoke to the fact that our culture does not. We have no ushering in or process or embrace her new identity. It's so baby focused that we just become, I say, functional survivalists. We just start, okay, like, what's there to do? Like, how do I get through the day? And our inner world just becomes unwitnessed. And that's so difficult. It's so painful for our own personal growth for us to keep evolving when this huge transformative experience. Experience went unwitnessed and we don't have a place for us to process it, you know, deeply.

I love that. Yeah, it's so powerful. I love that. The inner journey. Because, you know, I have done tons of reflection before, and this is just. I'm very inner journey guided for most of my life. And then all of a sudden, I had my child and I was like. So I had, like you said, create a whole new identity of recreating. Okay, how do I navigate this inner journey? And it's been amazing, but for me, and I know I'm not alone in this, there's the feeling that you're not doing enough or not doing it right. Yeah.

We're like missing something really crucial because there's no guide, there's no template, there's no model. And I think even though you can speak to the fact that everyone would have their own walk, as humans, we're wired to learn from models. Right? Like, we have archetypal models to understand rites of passage and the hero's journey. And the dark night of the soul. We have these models that everyone experiences those passages differently, but we understand them from a template. And we haven't passed on the motherhood template. You know, some of the studies that I did when I was an undergrad in women's studies and you talk about the rise of medical men. So when the medical world started becoming capitalized over money, when they started being able to identify medicines and then they could use medicines as kind of the form of currency for the medical profession that coincided with the witch hunts. And we outed all the women from that powerful area of our culture, which is the ones that resided around healing and the passing on of wisdom and knowing your body and knowing the human experience. And the medical men kind of took the place right then. Babies were being delivered by men and they were being laid down because it was easier for a man to sit comfortably with his forces. I mean, I know we're going into like, you know, it's important to understand what's been passed down and what culture we sit with. And the culture we sit with has no, no thread, no existing thread that gave us that passage wisdom, that archetypical understanding of what happens when we go from maiden to mother. And then as mother, we resist crone. Right. Because krone is like cursed. You know, everyone wants to like make sure they look, just stay in maiden. We want to stay in maiden. Totally N needs to come with us. We don't lose her. But she needs to evolve or she dies. It becomes dysfunctional. Yeah.

So what do we do about how do we integrate this more, you know, and like, what are ways that me, you know, me and other moms, like, and how do we support each other in this? What do you think? What are the steps or.

You know, some of my thoughts. You know, it's funny, for me in my journey, I felt like I needed to recreate the foundational, like wellness supports to get my body and my mind back functioning well. And then from there I kind of imagine like concentric circles that I could. So it was almost like instead of going in with a beautiful can of paint and walls that were falling down, like I knew for me before I was able to reach out and try to connect with the authentic relationships. I needed to really support my inner work. I needed to get my body and my mind back on solid ground. So in many ways that's what replenish is for me. It was my message of back into my life so that I was taking basic functional care of my well being and my own vitality. And recreating patterns. I always say we have to create a culture of vitality in our lives because we live in a culture of depletion. So the only way we can be impactful for ourselves, for our children, for our community, we can't take the pattern that's given to us from our culture. We have to recreate it from the inside out. So for me, like the core essentials that I talk about in the book, those seven core essentials, they were like the building blocks. Like, I needed to be well enough and then I needed to start reaching out. And this is what I mean in all honesty, like the well grounded life, the work that I do was me recreating what I was desperate for. Like, I was like, if I'm dressed and one other mom is drowning too and she can grab on and we can do. And what was really phenomenal is like I reached out my hand and like thousands reached back and I was like, wow, we need this. We just, we need to be able to feel like we can create, recreate our tribe. And so I think that for me, that the process is an inside out process, right? Like, how are you doing with core essentials? And when I say core essentials, how are you nourishing your body? And this isn't about perfect. Like, it's not about, like, are you 100% clean diet? But are you giving your body what it needs to function well? Are you using food as a way to care for yourself? And what about joyful movement? Are you using your body and getting your oxygen pumping and connecting your head and your heart, you know, with movement and restorative rest, you know, are you doing what you can because you might have little ones, but you can do probably more than you think, you know? And so I went through those core essentials and I thought, well, if I could just focus here and get myself lifted up a little bit, then I could start building my next circle, right? I could reach out and have conversations with moms on a heart level and process things without feeling like I was falling apart, you know, because it's scary to go in the inner journey if you don't have the capacity to feel grounded, you know, so. So, yeah, I don't know if that's, I mean, happy to do anything more specific.

No, I love that. And I think it's, I love. This is why I love your book too, because this has been my practice, you know, it's like, really. And that's, I think that's why I resonate with you so much, is really the core of the sleep and all of these things. And when you become a new mom or just a mom, like sleep and nutrition and those things can fly out the window so.

Totally.

I mean, right when my son was born, I was like committed to exercising my nutrition and sleeping. But then I was like, that's all I'm doing though. I'm doing my self care and taking care of my child. And I had had to come to terms with like, okay, that's what I'm doing right now. That's the season of my life. But I need to feel good because if I don't get enough sleep, I'm crabby and I don't eat well. It all goes together. That's why I love your, your philosophy.

Yeah.

Can you talk about, can you talk about rest a little bit? I'm just, you know, I feel like so many moms are just burnt out and they're staying up super late and trying to get it done. So how do you get it all done?

Yeah, while getting sleep. You know, I feel like for one I'm, I will get done. You know, I think that I'm, I just have a very hard line on prioritizing what's most important. So that's one angle. I think that we say yes when we should not say yes. I think we structure our schedule based on an image management to make sure that what we think is expected versus a real clear understanding of where are boundaries are in terms of expenditure of energy and delineation of how we're going to invest our time. And I also think that we get in patterns of exhaustion. So I gave an example, the story in the book, so you might have read it, but I remember a night when I was up late and I thought I was going to do work. I was just surfing and facebooking and I was woken up by my daughter to nurse and then she went back down. And I'm just at the computer. My husband came home because at the time he was working nights, the police officer, and he's like, hon, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, I was just up with Maddie and I don't know, I just couldn't get back to sleep. And the truth was I talked myself into the fact that she's probably going to wake up in four hours, three hours. Why would I go back to sleep and then get back up? And he really lovingly sat down. He's like, you have got to prioritize every hour. He's like, it's not just for you, it's for the children. It's for us, it's like we have to recreate the top priorities. And he was right. I had just gotten into this pattern of depletion, this pattern of exhaustion. And there were many times when I could have shift, even just resting. You know, I talk about how we're not machines. There's no living thing in the world. There's no living organism that doesn't go through times of replenishment. You know, we have cycles. It comes back to like the in and the out breath, right? Like, yeah, everything has cycles of expenditure and then receiving and replenishment and we don't, you know, fit them in. We get up in the morning and we're in sixth gear from like the moment we wake up to when we hit the pillow. And we can't do. It's just not sustainable. So I feel like there's just needs to be like a massive recommitment to what it would mean to honor the necessary need for rest, for restorative rest. And I think that one angle is sleep, right? The actual sleep we get. Because you will go into neurosis enough sleep, it's very clear. But the other thing is during the day, where are your down times and why? You know, if you're feeling guilt, you need to expose that, you need to challenge that, you need to process through that. Because where is that guilt coming from? Why is it that we can't retreat and relax and refuel? So I think that there's so many patterns that we have to just really challenge. Yeah, yeah, because we get into a productivity focus. But we know that when we try to be productive and we're feeling crappy, we're at a low negative energy state of being and we try to be productive, we don't get anything done. And when we do try to get stuff done, it's not done well. So even, even if I was just coming from like the economy, it makes sense to prioritize feeling good. But, you know, we get stuck. We really get stuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think there are certain cultural stories, you know, and I've had to navigate this in my own journey too, of being productive. Like, you know, I'm very creative, I got lots of ideas. We have a business, you know, like, I just thought I was gonna go on as usual, like I was just gonna keep doing my bit, our business and doing what I wanted to do and be a mother. And that didn't quite happen that way. But it's just there's the stories of what you should do to Be productive. And I still, like, at 21 months, I still. I mean, my husband's always like, did you take a nap today? You know, he knows, like, my energy, and he's like, nothing is more important. Absolutely nothing. Get in the bed and take a nap. I'm like, I need to call so and so he's like, you could not call them for months and it would be okay, you know, and it's just. It's having that discipline, I guess, or that commitment to priorities. Right?

Yeah. And I think that, you know, there also is, like, I'm hearing with you, with your saying, like, your. Your husband was reflecting back to you the true north priority. Yes. Right. So I think that it's really important to honor that. Not many women have a lot of reflections that are giving them encouragement and reminders and permission and challenging them when they're totally getting into productivity mania. I think that is really important almost to create a circle of people who honor and reflect back to you. Because we are such social beings. Like, you just can't unwire yourself. You really can't. So if you're getting fed a certain message and expectation, you know, it's funny because I come. My mom is someone who always functioned under high level of productivity. You know, she got up early and she went to bed late, and she wasted time. You know, I just think that always comes into my mind. Like, if an hour didn't produce something that you could actually show for it, it was wasted time. And so I have so many takes to unwind from, you know, and it's funny because my mom doesn't live with us, but she helps me out a lot now. So she's with us like, 15 hours a week plus, you know, Nana time more. So I'm always recognizing how much influence it is in relationship with her. So, like, if she's over and she's helping me out and I'm relaxing, I'm like, the guilt, you know, it's like, dripping off me.

That's why I needed my own office. I needed a couch so I could come and nap.

So I didn't feel eyes on me. Like, oh, my gosh, Lisa's. There's laundry down the stairs. You know, I just. I think that we need to. We need people who will just encourage us and, you know, acknowledge and witness. Like, this is absolutely where you need to be.

It is.

There's nothing wrong. Everything's right, you know, right about you creating a rhythm, and your children need it, too. So I don't know if you see. So you Have a really young one right now. Well, it probably doesn't feel quite young to you because I'm sure I know when my first was like 22, I'm like, I have a huge child. It doesn't feel like a baby anymore.

Yeah, totally.

But for me, 22 now is young. I don't know. So if you're seeing it in your circles, but we pattern and we pass it on to our children. So children, from the moment they wake up, they're in things, they're in school, then they're in after school activities. We pass on this mania and our kids are suffering. I really believe it. I think they're suffering because there's no downtime and they don't know what to do with themselves. They don't know how to self regulate. They don't know how to manage downtime energy. They ramp, ramp, ramp, ramp, you know, and it's. We're not built that way. We're just not built that way.

You know, when it's like the. It's like an addiction. I mean, the dopamine release, like you always got to be doing something, or you're on your iPad or you're on your iPhone. It's like everything is like so fast. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's amazing. We were very. I mean, both. I think there's different constitutions, but both Brian and I, like, we create a lot. You know, we have a great business and it's awesome, but both of us have constitutions where we're not. We can't stay up late. Like. Yeah, it just does not work for us. We. We just don't feel well, you know, And I. There's no way. I look at some moms, even with a 22 month old, and they're out doing this and this. I'm like, I can't do that. I can't. And that's been part of my process. And I think a lot of moms who aren't the Go Go, but just feel like they just want to chill and relax, but they think they should be doing something different, you know? Like, my mom is very similar to your mom. And she's called Nana too. No, it's Namah. Mine's Nama Nama. But she's like, she comes and she's like, just dynamic, everything. Yeah, totally. She's like, let's clean the carpet today. And I'm like, let's take a nap.

Yeah, totally. That's me. Oh my gosh.

So I think there's just different people and like knowing who who you are, right?

Yeah. Yeah. That's funny, because I was just talking to a really good friend, and she was saying how it creeps in in so many areas. You know, she was saying how this season of her life, and she's always been like this, but particularly in a season of her life, she's. She takes long walks and hikes, and she does a lot of alone time, and that's really restorative to her, and it's how she plugs in creatively and how she does her best work. And all of a sudden, there's this little voice like, oh, I should be more social and I should. More lunch dates, and I should be giving more to my girlfriend circles. And she's just like, but I'm living my life. I'm not missing out on anything because I've figured out how I function best. And I always say, like, there's two people that need to rise up within you, and one's the wise woman, and the other is the warrior. And the wise woman needs to rise up to tell you who you are, your true north. But without the warrior, you'll never act on it. You'll never make the hard decisions. You'll never say no, you'll never say yes where you're supposed to. You need both. You know, you need your wise woman for the clear direction, and you need your warrior for the execution. And sometimes the execution is taking things out instead of, you know, putting in. And so I see it as, like, oftentimes when I'm working with women, I hear them being stuck at wise woman. You know, they've been able to touch in. They've been able to get clarity. They've been able to hear a sense of who they are and what their needs are. But the warrior didn't come up yet. You know, like, the warrior that says, like, I'm carving this out. I'm actually going to create the life that the wisdom is telling me, you know, how to. How to go about doing. So what good is blueprints? But it's the work of building the house according to those blueprints that's gonna give you, you know, the life that you want.

I love that. It's so awesome that you said that too, because on my whiteboard over here, I have warrior goddess. So that's, for me, like, it's the warrior and then also the goddess of. Like, there's the goddess, and, you know, she's feminine and flowy, but then there's the warrior, like you said, like, there has to. You know, sometimes you gotta have the sword, and you gotta be like, this is coming out, and this is moving over, having that fire.

That's right. And you think about, like, the tools. I love. I don't know if you've ever heard of Ani DiFranco.

Yes. Yeah.

So one of. I love her and what she. One of her lyrics was, every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. Like, the idea that depending on how you're using something, it could be used for you or against you.

Right.

And I just think about that in terms of, like, we need to have tools around us and refine, but we also need to have. What would it be called? Like, the shields. Right. That keep a boundary and keep sovereign space around us and protect us. And it's just a new set of tools, I think, to navigate this as a mother. And that's what I got really fascinated with, because information will only take you so far. Like, I. You know, I remember being in the kitchen, like, on my fifth cup of coffee and grabbing my buttered roll, and my kids had, like, this beautiful, pureed, organic lunch, you know, But I was so. I understood nutrition, but I wasn't making. I wasn't using tools or creating new patterns or re. You know, making different choices in order to say nourishing myself was a priority. And how do I make this work in my new landscape? Because it's new terrain.

Totally. Okay. So I'm curious on this, because this is, you know, I hear, you know, lots of moms, but there's a lot of not asking for what you want. And there can be a lot of, you know, there's honoring the inner journey and the hero's journey and the challenges of it. And then there's complaining, griping, and blaming, you know, so there's like, for me, there's kind of a fine line of, like, honoring the challenge, and then also, how do I rise up? I don't.

And asking for what I want.

Sorry, I just silenced that dance break.

Yeah. See, I'm getting pinged all over the place.

Time to have some fun. I'm just curious on that, because I.

Think it's an interesting.

Because there's. Every time that I feel feisty towards my husband, I'm not asking for something that I want, and I'm expecting him to do it versus saying, this is what I want. And I feel like there's a lot of that in motherhood of, like, just, he doesn't take out the laundry and I'm doing everything or take out the. You know, there's just how do we navigate that?

Yeah, I think you're right, because I think that it's really important. I think there can be a crutch that happens when you feel unwitnessed, when you aren't honoring your own experience. And those two things kind of come together. And then we believe that we need to justify our life. And I think in order to justify our life, we have to frame it as how hard it is, you know, so that's where I think, like, the complaining and the bickering and the, you know, one of the things that my husband and I are really on guard about in our marriage, because it can. It's like a weed that just, you know, we get to this place where like, all of a sudden we're trying to prove to each other who has it works and who's working harder and who's doing more. And, you know, we have to stop and be like, all right, let's get back on the same team and I'm here to witness and hear you, but let's make sure that that's where it's coming from versus you feeling the need to justify and to prove your position and to, you know, show me how. How much you're working as a comparison. Right. As an indirect way of telling me that I'm not working as much. It's like this indirect. So I think that it's. I think it's, you know, recognizing for me. I can tell the difference because of, like, my frequency, like where my. Where's my energy, where's the sourcing from? Is this a low frequency being filled that, you know, like, where. Where what's coming from versus am I needing to be witnessed? And if I need to be witnessed, then I'm going to create a space where that's really clear so that he doesn't think he has to solve it. He doesn't think that I'm complaining in terms of indirectly trying to prove something about him, but that I can create a safe place so that I can really authentically open up and I can be witness for exactly what I need to be witnessed for versus this convoluted way that I'm trying to get something filled. But I think you're right. I think you nailed a really subtle difference because I think it's a pure.

Need.

For having our inner journey acknowledged and seen. But I think very easily can get twisted into just this negative thing. I've noticed with girlfriends, right. Other mom friends. It has been difficult for me to find friendship on a mom to mom level with kids My age that rises above the complaining cul de sac. Yes. And finding a place of connection, like authentic connection and exploration in our friendship that's not all about just bitching and moaning. And. I've had to be okay with less connection and say I'd rather be a little bit more lonely these days and reserve the space for the kind of connection that I know it. So I've had to make some hard social decisions because I want lot of great friends and I want to have that, you know, vibrant, thriving, close knit girl. And it's happening now. But it took me a long time of like keeping the space open. If it was dirty, if it was muddy and having really strong boundaries, I could be very friendly during, you know, pickups. But I just, I kept a really wide girth because I knew what that energy did to me. I knew how it just trickled in. So it's hard. It is hard. Yeah.

And it's like I'm in the exact same boat as you, 100%. And it's like challenging because I want to honor that. But then also, like, I also like, I'm very excited about motherhood is really challenging. And I also am super excited about rising up to it, like rising up to the challenge. And I want other women around me who are like, let's do this. You got this. We can do it, like, you know, and also be honest and say, okay, are you complaining? Are you bitching about that? And like just that, authentic communication.

Totally. Absolutely. And I think that's what it comes down to because I think there needs to be a place where we can be free to express it all. But we need to know that the intention is not to stay there.

Yes.

You know, so if I'm getting in information so that I can move into the place I want to be because I'm not happy with the place I'm at. And if expressing it and getting to understand it is going to give me the right information to move out of it, I'm all for it. But it does take another person that is really there in personal growth, like they really get it to be able to be that go forward, you know, like, let's not get stuck here. Yeah, yeah. That's what's very cool, I think about the age we live in in terms of Internet connections. I believe strongly that we need in person, girlfriend, sisterhoods. And for me, having the being able to rebuild a circle internationally through the Internet that I felt really at home with was a saving grace because it normalized who I was and clarified Who I wanted to become. And then it was like, it helped me get to the right vibration. And in my local community, like, the gems started coming out.

You know, it's like I could find.

These little amazing connections, but I need, I needed to rise up first in a way. And that's what the, you know, locally. Yeah. And I keep myself in that place. And then I started seeking out, you know, different connections.

Right. I love that too. Of like, getting yourself afloat. Don't be like, waiting for somebody else to lift you up. It's nice if they can support you in your little float and give you a little dessert. But not as your lifeline.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so talk to us about the, you know, because we're kind of talking about the mind and the wise woman and the warrior. Like, how do we have a sovereign mind? Like, what, what do we do when we start spiraling into negative or we're in a situation where we're like, this is not working in my family life. This is not working in my life. What, what are some steps, guidelines? What do we do?

Yeah, so I, I generally see it in two ways. So it's basically like the makeup of our brain. I see our brain as two different brains that were shoved together and the cerebral cortex, and that's, you know, the biggest part of our brain. And then in the back part of our brain, we have the limbic part of our brain. It was smaller. It's right near the stem of your spine, your brain stem, where it connects to your spine and it controls. It's like the caveman brain, the lizard brain. It controls everything. Your body and mind need to function without thinking about it. So what I found is that your thoughts are so tremendously powerful in guiding your life and guiding kind of the direction of your growth, and yet they're not very good at turning off stress. So once you are already in a stressful biochemistry, your thoughts are not very powerful at turning the boat around. But what is powerful are like some limbic calming strategies and techniques. And what I mean by that is certain kinds of tools, and it goes right into the limbic part of your brain.

Wait, say that again. I missed that glitched a little.

So it's the. I call them the limbic tools. And these are tools and strategies. I'll give you a couple just like in a second. But they're the types of self care practices that tap right into the limbic part of your brain. So they don't need to go through your thoughts, they don't get processed through Your thoughts, they go right into the limbic part of your brain and they can toggle you into calm. And then once you have a biochemical physiological shift into calm, then you can bring your thoughts on your team. Then you can recreate, rewire the thoughts and turn them around and challenge them. But if you try to do it when you're already stressed out, it really doesn't work. Some examples of limbic calming would be how you use your breath through your nose and it goes to the lower parts of your lungs. It triggers your vasovagal nerve. So your vasovagal nerve is connected from the back part of your brain, and it has many different nodes of neurons, but the nerves explode right underneath your diaphragm in the middle of your torso. So if you can extend your lower parts of your lung, it taps into all those nerve endings and it sends a message to your limbic seat to shift you into calm. Another limbic calming would be essential oils. So I don't know if anyone's familiar. I'm sure many people are familiar with little vials of essential oils, pure essential oils. The reason they're so powerful is our olfactory nerve is right at the top of our nose. And our olfactory nerve is hardwired into the limbic part of your brain and every other sense.

Right.

So your sense of sight and frontal cortex, through your thinking, and then you interpret whether it's stressful or not through your thoughts. Your thoughts tell you whether this is stressful or not. Why some things are stressful and some people not to others is because of the thought process. But the olfactory nerve, your sense of smell, goes right to the limbic part of your brain. It's a really fast way of breathing in these biochemicals, these small aromatic molecules that go right into the olfactory nerve and they trigger right into your limbic brain. I found that's another one. Or tapping. So tapping is another. If you find. If you start learning the neurovascular points, your body and your head, particularly your head and scalp, and you do some simple tapping, you can.

Yes. Like not eft tapping, just tapping. Just like this.

Yeah. So you're doing it really. You're great. So one simple one is you start at your forehead and you tap your forehead, then your temples, then behind your ears, like right behind your ears on your skull. You'll feel a bump on skull that's up there and down your neck and onto the top of your shoulders. So that pattern is the reverse pattern of the neurovascular line for Stress. So stress runs up into your forehead and you just tap the opposite way. Tap all the way down.

Is it an indicator if these areas feel tight that you're stressed?

You know, and it could be, oh, you got. You got some work to do. Honestly though, if they are tender, that is an indicator if they feel tender too, you know?

Interesting. Yeah, this always feels tender. Wait, it glitched. Can you see me? Oh, sorry, sorry. Just glitched. Okay, so you're saying this is tender?

Yes. If it feels tender, then, I mean, obviously it's a slight tap. You don't want to hurt yourself. But yeah, that probably indicates that you.

Have too much thinking.

So much thinking. Just massa.

That's my practice of like, don't think, stop thinking.

But if you think about it, like we naturally do that. We go right to our forehead when we're stressed out because we know we need to release. Or another calm hold is right behind your back of your skull. So one hand would go behind your back of your skull and the other would go right on your forehead. And if you just gently press in so that you're squeezing your head a little, it's another real calm hold. You can take a deep breath and that's a really good one. It's great for kids. Yeah.

You know, it's really funny. Yesterday was it two days ago. I mean, most of my days are pretty like I'm on my replenish self care. Like I got it. So most days I'm feeling really good. The other day I had Emerson didn't quite nap so greatly and just, I just wasn't feeling all sparkly and awesome and he wasn't going to sleep. He goes to sleep at 7 and it was 8:30 and he just wasn't going to sleep. And I was like, really? He never does that. So I was just feeling, you know, a little tension. I'm like, you know what, dude, I gotta meditate. I'm gonna meditate. So I'm like, you play, I'm gonna meditate. So I sat there and meditated and he played and then he came over and started giving me a massage. Literally.

See, Pete, we don't realize how connected our kids are. Their energy bodies totally are. So.

We lost you again.

They don't have barriers, you know?

Yeah, that's. Yeah. I mean, it's such a good reminder too. I think it was just a great demonstration of how they are just energetic sponges. They are soaking up everything that we're doing and being and feeling.

Yeah. And that they can't Turn that off very easily. So if we're not sending out the right temperature, they're receiving our temperature loud and clear. Loud and clear. I have such a beautiful friend, a mom, and it's really important for her to always be smiling and happy with kids, even if she's feeling really stressed out. And we were talking and I was just observing and recognizing, like, the kids are really clear where you are energetically. I'm not saying that we can't support ourselves to try to control how we interact with our kids. It's just the ripple effect. Right. Like, what you do for yourself, you have such influence and impact so much more than what we think we can give our kids. Give them the gift of you vibrantly alive. Give them that gift, because then they're free to become vibrantly alive.

Yeah, totally. And that's. That's who they are. Right? They are just vibrantly alive. You know, just. They're awesome. And it's interesting, too. Part of my. You know, you're just saying the energetic. It's interesting because I definitely have, like a peppy personality, you know, and I can. I can pep it up. But I've noticed exactly that I'm like, it's. It's not authentic if I'm trying to be like, all smiles with him and I'm tired, you know, like, so it's been my practice since he was born of, like, I am tired or I'm feeling frustrated right now or just whatever I'm feeling. Just expressing that to him just to kind of. So he knows. Like you said. He already is knowing, though. Did you hear me?

Yeah, it's glitching a little bit. I think I just caught the end. But just to be. You were saying, like, I'm tired instead of trying to hold back the tire, and then it becomes to something else.

Resentful or totally. And just like, I think it's great to model. That's my practice of, like, being willing to model what's happening and that I don't have to be perfect.

Yes.

You know, like, it's like, oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that's beautiful. That is so beautiful. Because he's going to be able to model what's happening to him because he's gonna see that that's how humans communicate.

I'm tired, but it's like, it's been really hard for me. I don't know if it's always hard for moms, but to really say, you know, what if we're not in alignment? I'm like, I'm really Frustrated right now. You won't get in the car seat, and I'm frustrated. I feel irritated. Can you please help? Can you please collaborate? But it's amazing just that communication makes a difference. Okay, so I'd love to hear your thoughts on creating businesses and also having a thriving family life, because I know either moms work or they want to create businesses, or they have their own businesses, but they're not thriving. So what are some tips on how to actually having your own business and thrive?

Yeah. Yeah. So this is how I feel like we have to. The first thing is recreate our own model and throw away the idea that we can fit into someone else's model or someone else's version of success or business metrics of what needs to get done. And I think that it's so crucial to, like, start with. I kind of have two different ways of thinking about this. I call it your diamond of brilliance. And I say you have to mine out what you're really meant here to offer. Because when you nail it, when you really get clear, and it could take some time and some excitement, experience, and just exposure in the process. Clear on the best way you offer value in the world. And then I think of that as, like, your diamond, but it's like the diamond in the rough, right? Like, if you found a diamond in the rough, it's actually not that spectacular. It's not that sparkly. The thing that really brings a diamond out in brilliance is the cuts, and I think of those as the refiners. And I flipped the script, completely changed the paradigm around all the limitations I felt my life had as a mom. So it was, oh, my gosh, I have time limitations, and I have energy limitations, and I, you know, like, all these limitations. And I stopped. And I thought, well, what if they just were pointing me to exactly how I meant to serve in the world? And it completely changed how I designed my business. So in the beginning, in person, and so I set up a little, like, office area in our basement. And every time someone would come over, like, I'd have to have my husband keep my kids quiet, and the house would have to be clean, which is, like, a complete rarity. And I'd have to, like, walk them through my home downstairs. And it was, in every single way, did not fit our life, you know? And then I stopped, and I thought, well, what is my life like? How do I want. What specifically? How do I want to interact with people? How do I want to determine the time I spend with my work? Do I want fixed hours? Do I want to make a commitment to someone that I can have an interview at 3 o' clock and then the babysitter cancels and then I'm stressed out. Exactly what is my dream situation, given all the refiners of. And what do I want to make? You know, how do I need to. What kind of return on investment for my time do I need? And that completely led me to a different model. So I started teaching and I started creating courses that I could create and record and then I could deliver it so I never had to worry if the babysitter canceled because then I could move my schedule around and still record it before I promised it. And I started doing more, you know, blog posts and videos and audio because I actually work really well with that. And I went from my diamond and the refiners and I kept creating a model that was like, tailor made for me. And that keeps changing. Every season of my life, something changes. The kids get a little older, their schedules shift. My husband's able to give me more time or less time. We have an awesome babysitter I can depend on. Those are my metrics of success. My work is feeding my life. It's giving us so much abundance in so many ways, not just financially, and that's important too, but it's giving me the sense that I'm doing something that I'm so passionate about. And it's giving me, like, flexibility to be creative and have a little off time, you know, because I need that for me. I need. I need the distance in order to really be present. You know, I know I have a limit. You know, I can't be present 24 7. So, yeah, I see it that way. I think, like, we have to mine your diamond, and then you have to refine it with a lot of honesty. When you get that, when you just take faith, when you step forward in faith, it's really amazing. Like, things take off.

Nice. I love that. The diamond of brilliance. Very cool. Okay, so I have one more question for you on faith. I love how just in your book and, and the things that I've read and watched about you, you talk a lot about spirituality, and I just feel like you have a deep sense of spirituality and faith and being connected to something bigger than yourself. Can you talk a little bit about that and how we can have that as well?

Yeah, well, yeah, I can talk about, I don't know, way more. I couldn't possibly know much. I think I have that awe about the spirit level and God and purpose. I see us in creation as Having such order and intention and divine purpose. And I recognize that there's so much that I still don't know and that I may never know that. I mean, my head may never be able to understand. But on a heart level I've always felt really connected to God. And one of the things that I stand on, like one of the truths that I really hold firm with is that God is love and God expresses himself as love. And that's really critical for me because all along my life, regardless the way it kind of impacts me on a daily basis, I suppose it gives me a point of reference to come back to. So a lot of times life just gets very noisy. My inner life, my thoughts, the outer world, the messages and voices that are coming at me. And for me it's an opportunity. My connection to God and the source of love and spirit. It's a way for me to come back home, right? Come back to the truest home that I know and reconnect to that truth, I guess, or that frequency or that energy place, or that spirit place. It also reminds me that we're all connected, we're here for a grand purpose. So it puts me, I might be having in the larger perspective of things. So even though my head might not be able to understand a lot of things, and I grapple, you know, I am a Christian and I believe in that faith background. And yet 90% of what I understand, even in Christianity, I still grapple with, I doubt and I wonder and I question and is it man's interpretation or was this purely God's intention? So I still embrace doubt in my faith life because it comes back right, almost full circle to paradox. Somehow I have to hold that I can have a firm connection, heart level, spirit level, connection to God, who is the spirit of love. And my head can still grapple with what it needs to grapple with. All along the way. I wish I could remember the exact quote because Albert Einstein, I believe, was the one that said the heart needs to be the leader and the head needs to be the soldiers. I try to live that way and for me that connects to my faith that if I'm going to direct my life from my heart based place, my spirit based place, because I believe that's closer to the truth than my head can get me, then I have to create practices that keep me connected there.

Yeah, yeah, very cool. I love that. I love God is love. And I also love that you are embracing all of it, you know, because it's an exploration for you. I love that.

And I think I have to allow that. I feel like as soon as I feel I have to know everything and I have to clench on tight and I have to. Then I train my mind to be okay with grappling and with the questioning and with embracing some things that I think I understand. It's almost like eating and knowing some of it's going to be bone. Like, some I won't be able to digest. But do I not eat the fish at all? Because some of it's bone. You know, I'll take what I can digest now and I'll just take the bone and set it aside and maybe down the road, maybe that bone will become digestible for me, you know?

Awesome. Very cool. Well, I so appreciate your wisdom. I appreciate your book. I appreciate all the work that you're doing for all of us mama goddesses out there. And then people can find you@wellgroundedlife, right dot com.

Yeah.

And where else?

That's my main site. So wellgroundedlife.com. yeah. And then Facebook, we're at. Oh, now I'm there. Oh, my gosh. Even audio.

Well, we're just gonna be the glitch queens today, so all of the glitches will just be a sign that we need to take a deep breath.

We need to find our center.

We have a lot. We're having lots of opportunities for our finding our center, which is great. Okay, awesome. Well, thank you so much, Lisa. Sending you lots of love.

Same here. Love back at you.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awes.