Sexual Enlightenment with Dr. Elsbeth Meuth

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have. Hello and welcome. I'm Alexandra J. Johnson, and today we have a wonderful guest, Dr. Elspeth Moight, and she is the co author of Sexual how to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love and Intimacy. She has assisted thousands of women, couples and singles in rekindling and expanding their love and relationships over the past decade. She's the co founder and director of the Tantra Nova Institute in Chicago. And she's internationally renowned workshop leader, relationship and intimacy coach, and a certified Tantra yoga teacher. Welcome, Dr. Elsbeth.

Thank you so much, Alexandra. I'm thrilled to be here with you.

Yes, I'm thrilled to be with you and I love your book. It's so wonderful. And just connecting with you. This is our first time connecting, but just feeling your divine feminine radiance and beauty and grace and sensuality has already been a gift. So I'm very excited to dive more into your wonderfulness.

Thank you so much. That's very sweet of you. Now, I wasn't always that poised, actually, you know, as you can tell by my accent, I didn't grow up in the United States States. I grew up in Germany and I am, you know, quite Germanic. So I really had to learn to soften a little bit, actually tapping more into my feminine instead of that linear, you know, that's how we are going to do it. And you will do it, you know.

Okay, so that's very interesting. So you, you were very. Would you say you were masculine and very kind of stoic?

No, I wouldn't say that either. I always had a certain sensuality about myself, to the chagrin of my dad and my mom, you know, because I was really curious about all things sexual when I was in my teens. And that didn't fit in the household I grew up in of 10 children, you know, quite religiously oriented. So for me, I just broke out a little bit. And so in that sense, physically and, you know, that kind of being seductive and playful that has been there with me for a long time. However, it was also that, you know, like when I wanted something or I didn't know what to do, you know, I remember when I started management consulting and I felt like a beginner. I was a beginner. I didn't really feel like that. So, you know, like, I was often like this, figuring things out. And now you Know, growing older, maturing, and also having done the tantric work, where I have actually tapped my more into my feminine source and essence so that my masculine and feminine is more integrated. And so I'm really delighted to share about this more with the audience today.

I love that. And I think so many can resonate. So many of us women can resonate with that of being in a mostly masculine dominated world and really feel, feeling that call for our feminine essence and not. Not really knowing how to find that. So did you find that mostly through tantra? Like, how did you find your way into tantra and this new feminine flowering essence?

Yeah, this is such a great question. I do. Just to say that, beginning with what I'm going to unfold here is that it really lives already with Amos, you know, it's just a little obscured. And I believe that through the women's movement, which is such a blessing, you know, you and I, you wouldn't be able to do what we are doing here and the work we are doing and our career development and, you know, education, all of it, if it hadn't been for that movement. However, in the process, we actually also tried to compete and become like men in a man's world, because that was the standard. And so, however, it's like denying an essential part of us, which is the feminine. And feminine power is very different than masculine power, and they complement each other. So I, in my work with women, it's really about reconnecting with what I call the feminine essence and power. So anyway, how I came to that, you know, you ask about my tantric journey and when I came to tantra, like taking workshops, because I had learned about it through books in my early 30s, however, not until my late 40s that I really delved into it. At that time, I was, you know, at a point in my life where I noticed I had these not so happy relationships, being attracted to unavailable men and which was, you know, moments of bliss, but most of the time a lot of suffering, so because he was not there. And then one day I said to myself, you know, Alexandra Elspeth, if that happens a few times, what may that have to do with you? With myself. So I put myself on a journey to really look at what was the blind spot for me, that I wasn't able to create a fulfilling relationship in my life. Someone who really wanted to be with me and who I wanted to be. So a tantra was one of the paths, the practices I applied myself to. And it was such an enormous opening because in the process, what I found out what I noticed was that I held distrust in my sexual center. Now that was not accessible to my colleagues mind. So if you want to want me to share a little bit more about that, I'm open. But I also want to make sure that, you know.

Yeah, I would love to. I mean I was just making a note, just I love that the distrust of your sexual center. I would love to dive to more in that because I know I have had that and still working with that and I know the women that I work with have that as well. I think it's a big, big issue for a lot of us women. So please do share.

Yes. So in the tantric practice there are certain healing rituals and there's one healing ritual that is dedicated to the woman to reawaken her feminine energy. You know, if we look at feminine masculine energy as it shows up in men and women is like our feminine sexual energy is very different from male sexual energy. So I always show this little graph, you know, like if we look at male energy, it rises quickly, gets easily excited and drops quickly. Unlike feminine sexual energy, rises slowly, hangs out a little bit, you know, and if it's reawakened, it actually can stay on the plateau now. So in the process for me also with the dissatisfaction with men was often that they were not attuned to me. I didn't know then what I know now. I would have handled it differently because the man can learn to sustain his energy through the tantric practice. So the Taoist practices and for the woman, it's really being listened to both by herself and, and also by her beloved. And so the men get trained in a certain way to listen more deeply and be more available and present to the woman without expectation. And for the woman to drop into that receiver space where she can start learning to trust more. So anyway, there is this healing practice for the woman sometimes called yoni. Healing Yoni means sacred space in Sanskrit and it's translated into. Oh no, it means. Yeah, yoni means sacred space in Sanskrit. And you know, also when I mentioned that I think when two of us as women, as girls got introduced to the sexual center as a sacred space, if we got introduced to at all.

Exactly.

You know, I mean a sacred space is something I honor, I cherish, I cherish, I respect. So anyway, it's just wonderful to guide women into their sacred space and connecting with themselves. So with this healing practice of the yoni, at that time, Freddie Sental, my beloved, was not in my life yet. So I did the training which involved Workshops and then later on a certification program. I did them by myself as a single woman and worked with practice partners. Now, this practice is not about having sex. This practice is about healing. So there's a giver and a receiver. And I, as the woman, was the receiver in this practice. And when I was touched at a particular place in Maoni, a vivid memory showed up, which had to do with the first time when I had intercourse. I was 18 years old with my first boyfriend. I had agreed to it, although it was very painful. It was so painful that we had to stop and had to go to the gynecologist. And gynecologist took care of the hymen that hadn't opened up fully. And then the girl from the gynecologist went home to my house. My father opened it and all helped.

Oh, wow.

So I actually brought, you know, a yoni with me here, just so my yoni felt like she needed to protect herself. You know, she felt alone in it. Also, there was this sense of, you know, they are all against me. Like these three men who showed up so vividly in that healing ritual for me. They were in the room with me, actually, you know, and from my adult place of being now, I can see that my boyfriend had no clue, Just I didn't have a clue about, you know, having sex together. And the gynecologist just did his job. And my dad didn't know either how to be with a young, budding daughter, given his upbringing. I can totally see that why. But when I was 18 years old, no, it was like Mayonnai needed to protect herself, and she was all by herself. So there was a sense of closing off, you know, within myself. And then in my 30s, I did some therapy around it, which really helped because I could start talking about my feelings. So I thought that was all completed, you know. But guess what? Little did I know that there was, on the cellular level in the yoni, in the vaginal walls, a residual memory that was not accessible to the conscious mind. However, being touched there, it's like it was opening, like a valve. You know, when you open a valve, at first the pressure gets more intense or similar to that. The emotional and physical pain really showed up. However, then it dissipated. It really cleared up. And then out of that deeper trust in myself occurred. Because that often goes with. When we have a sexual encounter as a child or teen teenager, then we also make ourselves responsible, you know, not consciously, like, thinking it through, but how could this happen? Why did this happen to me? And then deeper trust in men. In general. And then six months later, and I totally see it correlated to that caring in my yoni space, like shifting a frequency that now could attract the men with right from.

Wow, that's so beautiful. So beautiful. And I appreciate you sharing because I think, and I'm sure you have this in your work, but I don't know any woman who has not had some similar story with their sexual body, you know, of feeling violated, being raped, molested, or just some sort of trauma that's happened. So I love that you just shared of like really opening up to that because I think it's really important for women to just feel safe to explore them.

Yes. And it's so, you know so much, et cetera, based on these differences in our energies, men and women. And when I speak of men and women here, I generalize because there may be men who are more in touch with their feminine and there may be women who are more in touch with their masculine side, which is they are more guided by their sexual center and their desire. Most men, when they want to connect with their beloved, they start feeling it in their sexual center. In the lingam, as we call it in Sanskrit, which means sacred. It means magic wand, not sacred wand, magic wand, you know, pretty magic or wand of light. While women, when they want to connect with their beloved, they start feeling it in their heart center. Now both want to connect, same intention, just. Just the locus from which they start feeling is a different one. So he's looking for that sexual connection, she's looking for the heart connection. So we can already see there's a disconnect in that because we. So in the tantric practice, actually the man learns how to move up his sexual energy, wonderful life force energy into his heart from which is connect with her heart. And then when her heart opens, her yoni opens. And then we have a circuit. We are always about circulating energy in our practice. So anyway, I want to come back to that, these differences in masculine and feminine energy and back to that, you know, having experienced a sense of distrusting or not wanting to open up. Up Even that simple situation where a male beloved may want to have sex, you know, and he comes from that place, which is wonderful. There's nothing wrong about it. I want to be very clear about that. And the woman, you know, may not be open to it because she hasn't been opened. A woman wants to be opened, you know, and then the energy flows, you know, like it doesn't excite easily. So and then as a woman perhaps not being able to say no because she may feel obligated. She may not want to feel hurt his feelings or is not able to see say no. Many of us are not able to say no. So anyway, that could be a simple thing that really has her be closed off, you know, then, okay, the body doesn't work. That's the no. And then of course, all the other situations of being sexually molested, abused as a child, having an experience like me, I never got sexually molested. However, I had my own stuff to work through. So the severity may differ from woman to woman. And in the end, it lives in our individual experience. So there is, in some sense, not something more severe than the other in one's own experience, because that is what holds us back from creating fulfilling love and intimacy.

Beautiful. So nice. I mean, I feel just healing. Just even thinking, just you talking about it feels very healing for me.

Oh, this is so great that you say this, because a couple of years ago, I declared for myself that I want to be the presence that induces healing. So not everybody has to come to a workshop, you know, and of course, a workshop is very powerful, however, that just in speaking and sharing and being in that frequency of healing the feminine, that this radiates out. So thank you so much for the acknowledgment.

That's wonderful. That's true. It's beautiful. So I'm curious, the sexual healing, is that where you start with kind of healing the feminine and moving into the sexual enlightenment? And is that. How does that. How does sexual healing play into sexual enlightenment? And what is sexual enlightenment for women?

Yes, yes. So this particular practice, I want to be very clear about it is not the first thing we do, because if we want to connect with our sexual self, our yoni center, then we want to connect with her before the energy gets aroused. We want to connect with her in a subtle state. You know, just like right now, you and I, we breathe energy. Life force energy is running through us all the time. Everybody who's listening right now, energy, life force energy is running through you right now. We call this the subtle energy. Unless we learn to bring awareness to that energy, we actually don't know about it. I mean, we do know intellectually, intellectually that there's life force energy raining through us, because otherwise we wouldn't be alive. And that is the miracle that happens at birth, as you witnessed, and we're very much part of. Of when you gave to your baby then, that this is the moment, like the conception is the moment when the spark is ignited, and that is life force energy. The spark of life. And that runs through us all the time. And it goes hand in hand with the breath. Because once we stop breathing, life also energy has stopped as well. So we make this to use in our practice, or, you know, both the Tantric practice and the Taoist practice, they are breathing practices that allow us to move energy through our body. So back to how we start out in the learning is that we tune with that subtle energy to become aware of our subtle life force energy emanating from our base center and our sexual center, our emotional energy that resides in our heart center and our consciousness energy in our third eye center. There are other dimensions, other centers, but I want to point out these three key centers, or dimensions as we call them, dimensions of loving, the dimensions of thinking and being intuitive, and the dimension of our creative sexual self. So we want to tune with that. And you know, Alexandra, I can tell you that even with tuning in that subtle way, often trauma shows up, you know, even going there for many women in the breathing practices, in connecting with themselves in that way, can bring up stuff. And we really want to move slowly with that. There's no rush and nothing has to be forced. It's just the opposite. So once we open up ourselves and deepen the listening, then we may go, if that is right for the woman. And of course, she chooses. We go to the sexual healing practice, the yoni healing practice, as I described earlier, either with her beloved, you know, and they may come to a workshop together, or. And by the way, there's no nudity in our workshops because sometimes, oh, do I have to take my clothes off? So all the intimate practices really happen in the privacy, your friend's home or hotel room, wherever someone may stay. And so we also, at an advanced level in the women's world, I do women's work where we go to the healing practice, where we actually do the healing with each other, which is sacred. It is most phenomenal to have that feminine energy in the room. And the healing of feminine to feminine. You know, we all have a mother and to clear certain things which may be there as well. And there is a softness and a tenderness. That doesn't mean that a woman healer couldn't be very grounded and strong. Yet there is a listening that really arises out of the feminine is very different than the masculine listener. And of course, we also, particularly when we are in heterosexual relationships, we want to have also the healing with the masculine, given that we all have a father, you know, clearing that. And I also want to say something about if I am either If I'm a lesbian or if someone is a lesbian who listens, or even transgender. We also work at times with transgender people that, energetically speaking, it is the same. Because in every relationship there is, in order to have the polarity, there is the masculine and the feminine. It doesn't matter if it shows up in a woman's body or a man's body body. So what I'm saying here also applies to, you know, same sex couple relationships to women. There's usually one who's more in her feminine, the other one more in her masculine. If that isn't present, there's no polarity. You know, it's just like the outlet, the minus and the plus. It works when it hooks together. So this is why it's relevant. And I'm speaking here in energetic terms. I am totally clear that there are different opportunities and different challenges for same sex couples. I don't want to say that it's totally the same. However, energetically speaking, it's the same that we want to open up.

Very cool. So it seems like, you know, you start with the breath and the subtle energy. That seems like that is not a typical practice for the modern world to actually tune into the subtle energy because it feels like there's a lot of noise, there's just a lot of stimulation. It seems like the modern world's almost set up for us to not tune in. So how do we tune into this more? What do you recommend for practices and to really start making this a priority in our life?

Yes. You know, I find it's such a blessing that the Western world has become more open to the Eastern influences, particularly the ancient wisdoms that have to do with actually becoming more connected with the inner world, like the listening to the inner world and coming to the present moment now. It's very, you know, widespread here in the Western world, the United States and Europe, meditation has become quite fashionable, or yoga. You know, at every school, street corner, there's a yoga center. So it has really become more familiar to our everyday life. And so what I have found is that, you know, meditation and yoga as it's being taught and practiced in the west really has opened up our third eye and our spiritual self and our heart self. There is one dimension missing, which is the life force self. Now, none of these dimensions is more important or less important. They all are actually working together in an integrated way. So what we are talking about is really tapping into that place that may have been vilified for many millennia and coming back to our life force energy. Because the thing is that what I'm sharing here is not only for opening up our bedroom pleasures, it's opening up our life force. That's our creative energy. And when that flows more. What I have noticed with women is that they become more creative. They change their career or they create a career they really love, or they have a baby, you know, or sometimes even couple couples have come with difficulties conceiving and, you know, within a year or so.

Wow.

You know, I'm not saying that this is the only thing they are doing or they did, but there's something that brings it all together in that energetic connection and opening and healing. So where. Oh, yeah. So the peace you brought with respect to, you know, we are so busy and our busy mind that keeps us actually from listening to ourselves forget about our partner, you know, because if I cannot listen to myself, I listen to my partner. So it's through the breathing and as also taught in many other meditations, meditation practices, you know, we come to stillness within ourselves. We stop the chatter of the mind, because that is the thing that really keeps us from feeling connected to our yogi. You know, why I am not turned on? How come I'm not feeling anything or I hope it's gonna happen tonight? You know, like, always preoccupied with something that, you know, it's more about the future than just, oh, I don't feel anything right now. Let me breathe into that. Let me just ask for, you know, kodana, could you just hold me? Could you just breathe with me? And in the breathing, together with our beloved, we become one. That's the power and the magic of the breath. They're very particular partner practices, practices that we teach, like heart to heart connection or yap yam position, where I sit at very central's lab. And we breathe into each other's heart or into each other's sexual center or into each other's third eye center. And then we circulate energy through the breath, Breathing in and breathing, breathing out into his third eye, down into his sexual center, breathing up from his sexual center into my sexual center. You can get a sense that this can just being in that flow, I start being in a different mood, you know?

Yes.

So there are three dimensions or aspects we start working with, and we actually always start working, which really what we call coming to sexual enlightenment. So one is the conscious breath without the conscious breath, because we breathe every moment. You know, it's automatic. It's part of our autonomous nervous system. You know, we don't think about it, oh, Alexandria, just stop for a Moment I have to breathe in. It's so miraculous how our body works. Just like the heartbeat, we don't have to plug it in in the morning in the outlet. You know, it works all the time. So most of the time when we breathe, it's more in the chest. When we do conscious breathing, we actually breathe down into the belly. I can just, you know, everybody just put your hand on your belly, exhale all out, and then take in a deep breath, filling the belly like a big balloon. Notice how the belly extends into the hand. And on the exhalation, send the breath down and out of your base into the chair or the cushion that you're sitting on. Let's do this a couple more times. Deep breath, breath into the belly, opening the belly, into the hand. And on the exhalation, send the breath down and out of the base into the seat. One more time, deep breath in, filling the belly, opening it into the hand, and on the exhalation, sending the breath all the way down and out into the seat. And then take your hand off and just stay there for a moment. Keep breathing and notice the rising of your belly on the inhale and the falling of your belly on the exhale. Come back, opening your eyes and just notice how you're feeling right now. Don't you share how you feel?

Yeah, I feel calm, centered, grounded, and relaxed into myself. Just. Yeah.

Connected to myself just by three conscious breaths. Now, the key here is that we not only bring awareness to breathing, but also breathe. Breathe into the belly. Because the belly actually, when you breathe into the belly, the parasympathetic nervous system gets activated, which is the nervous system that activates endorphins and, you know, makes us feel good. So just your reporting is like, oh, yeah. And also, you know, you can probably see that you're not as busy anymore in your mind. You know, what are we going to do next here in this interview? And, you know, where are we going here or whatever may have been there, or your baby, you know what's happening.

And who knows, you know, it's all.

Of us like that. It's just dropping into that stillness. So conscious breath, the first aspect, the witness state or observer state of mind, which we actually already did, by watching the breath coming into the belly and the breath leaving the belly. And then in that space, we can start watching our thoughts. Oops, oops, there's some anger coming up because my darling didn't do what I thought he would be doing. You know, I'm disappointed and, you know, oh, okay, let me come Back, I don't get swayed into the conversation because once I go down that path, wow, that's a spiral. And so by breathing into the belly, I use that kind of breathing to become conscious of my mind. And the third one, the third aspect is that we become aware of life force energy that is sexual in nature because it's the spark of life, both in its non aroused or subtle state, as well as in its aroused state and more advanced state levels. So that leads me now to saying a little bit more about sexual enlightenment. Now, these three aspects want to be cultivated. Without it, sexual enlightenment is not a possibility. Because if I'm afraid of connecting with my sexual self, you know, often it depends a little bit on the person. But in our culture, we are either obsessed with that energy or it's oppressed. What about coming to a free flow of that energy, you know, where guilt and fear and shame and embarrassment are absent so that we can create our creative self. So sexual enlightenment, how do we define it? And also, you know, I want to say that sexual enlightenment is not an end state. One day I'll be sexually enlightened. You know, it's living day by day, just like meditation. You never have meditated for good, just like working out, you know, okay, I worked out enough, now I'm done. It's evil. So it's a state of being, sexual enlightenment versus a destination. So we coined this term because it's like this juxtaposition of the sexual and the enlightenment. You know, like the sexual spiritual. Traditionally, they don't belong together, you know. However, we are human beings, we are earthly beings. And part of our earthly beings is that we have this wonderful body that can experience pleasure. It's phenomenal, actually. And so we want to be grounded in that, and we want to be able to experience that and live fully into that, both within ourselves. And then if we can choose with partner. Now, there's a difference between animals and human beings. Now we all have an animal part which has to do with our wiring. And when it comes to our sexual being, we are just like animals in the wiring. You know, to create a baby, we don't have to be conscious. Like, it kicks in, the desire, the procreation, you know, the impulse for procreation. And then, you know, new life comes forth, of course.

Are you there? Sorry, I don't know. The video just went off. Yeah, it should be fine. You just, you were just saying the creation, that we don't have to be conscious to have a baby. So if you just want to go from There and then we'll end it.

Right? Right. Wonderful. So like animals, we are wired for it. So let's look at a cow in the bull, you know when they move into the mating season and they are in heat, you know, they mate with each other and they do this by biological impulse. Now they do experience pleasure. However once it's completed, you know, the cow doesn't turn to the bowl with her cigarette in her hand and leaning back and sitting, oh darling, that was phenomenal sex. No, because they are not self reflective. They don't assess what just happened. They don't have a past and a future. Something to do with not being linguistic beings unlike human beings. So we are self reflective and we can watch our feelings, we can watch our thoughts, we can be self reflective of our sexual energy if we choose to. We don't just have to be, you know, at the effect of it. And that is where really sexual enlightenment comes in that we can really bring our awareness to that wonderful life force energy both in non aroused as well as aroused states and bring that energy up into the hearts. And if we wish to enter our third eye center and circulate it back down by breathing it up and breathing it down, we actually imbue our physical body in terms of health. We imbue our emotional self, our emotional well being and we connect with our conscious being and can imbue our intentions, our visions, our dreams. So let me just give you an example. When we were writing the book, you know, there were moments when I was like really brain dead and questioning myself, you know, who is going to read that book and who wants to know about this anyway? And it's very you know, self doubt. And so what I did then was I did a self love practice where I channeled my sexual love energy up into the heart and up into my third eye and use that creative energy to really embellish and fuel my thoughts, my thinking, what I want to bring forth. Because that was I, you know, my commitment to bring something to the world that would make a difference. And so, you know, and that really helped to clear my mind, to connect with my sensuous, with my physical self, with my creative self. And you know, got me back to writing and to working with Freddie on the book.

I love that the, that we can use the sensual life force energy in all areas of our life. That it's not because I think, you know, we kind of separate it which is why we can be numb below. You know, we just like you said, we kind of cut that center off and we're missing a whole level of deliciousness that's possible in all areas of our life, right?

Yes. Yes. And you know, Alexandra, we are so much about recycling in this age, you know, from the trash to energy, you know, like using the sun's energy, which is recycling the sun's energy. However, our own energy, we never got taught about that. And there's not a course in college that is called, okay, recycle your life force energy. And so it makes actually a great deal of sense, you know, like for a male, for example, you know, they don't get trained to actually recycle, or we call it circulating, which is a little bit more endearing. Circulating their energy so that they don't have such a huge depletion every time when they release ejaculation. Because that's a huge depletion of life force energy for men, you know, and we know it. They want to zone out, you know, watch TV or fall asleep or. And also in couplehood, what it brings about is a disconnect, energetic disconnect. Because our energy as women, you know, once it gets raised, we don't have that refractory. We don't have that loss of energy. So a man can learn to really sustain his energy through the breath, moving the energy up. It's not holding back the energy. We don't want that like holding it in the sexual center. That's very unhealthy. However, he learns how to train his pelvic floor muscles so that he can hold that reflex that happens right before the release the reflex in his pelvic floor. He learns to use that muscle to hold off that reflex so that it doesn't go off. And then he can just breathe up that wonderful energy into his heart, connect with his beloved or in self, love practice to his third eye. And it's really essential. You know, I always say to women when they come to work with us and to work with me, and if they are in relationship with the male part, to invite their male partner to the work, because. And they may start doing women's work at first, you know, and opening up in themselves, within themselves, however, then also to invite the partner in, because that embellishes the relationship in a. I mean, really exponential way.

That's very cool. I love that. And you and Freddy are a demonstration of that.

Thank you.

So I'm curious on the physical benefits of, like, learning to work with our energy and recycle it and renew it, because I know for. You know, I just was reading a study recently that, like, 90% of women are str. Stressed and overwhelmed. Sad, like they're just not happy. And there's like a sense of depletion for a lot of women that I talk with. So can you just address that of how we can use this sexual energy to enliven and renew our lives, our energy, our enthusiasm for life. Like any area that we want to kind of uplift rather than always feeling depleted and stressed and overwhelmed.

Yeah. What I would recommend is that every woman takes at least five minutes out per day where she connects with herself. And that's a really great practice that I find very powerful and really has such an immediate effect. It has to do with the pelvic floor and will remind many women of Kegel exercises. However, how we teach it is quite different. We of course work with the pelvic floor because just like the yoni here, you know, we can see there is the yoni sphincter and then there's the anal sphincter. And they are, you know, surrounded by further muscle groups. And we want to strengthen not only that muscle, but we want to also connect by squeezing and releasing these muscles that we want to connect to our base center and the sexual center. The base center has to do with being grounded and centered. Just like when I'm outside of myself, I'm not grounded, I'm angry, I'm pissed. If she only know I'm outside of myself. So squeezing my pelvic floor muscles brings me into the base center, the grounded place, and connects me with my life force energy, the creative center, the second center. And by squeezing and releasing and breathing in a coordinated way. So it would go like this, I breathe in from the bottom, filling my belly, the chest, all the way to the top of the head. On the exhalation I squeeze, release, squeeze, release, squeeze, release. And then I breathe in from the bottom to the top. On the exhalation, I squeeze, release, squeeze, release, squeeze, release, and breathe in and so forth. And I, you know, do this at least 10 times. There's a practice on our practice CD, it's called foundational practices. It's called PC muscle practice. You know, the women who are listening, you can get it from our website as download on itunes or the whole CD and hard copy. So I strongly recommend it because by connecting with our base and sexual centers, we connect to our life force. And it really can alter my state of mind, body and feeling in the moment with 10 breaths. You know, I'm not asking to sit on the mat for an hour. It's not now, it's Good to have a practice of also where I engage more with it. But given what you described of the woman who is stressed and, you know, doesn't have time for herself, starting with five to ten minutes, doing this practice, even five minutes is plenty. It alters her state of being. Now, I also wanted to say there's one other thing I really would like to introduce, which is the yoni egg, because in the spirit of supporting the woman and coming back to herself and feeling alive and well, we do want to take care of our yoni. And so this yoni egg is being inserted into the yoni and it stays there. Make sure that it's in all the way. And then just by the mere touch of the yoni egg inside of the yoni, with the vaginal walls, the nerve endings get slightly stimulated and in turn the muscle gets slightly toned. Now, before you even squeeze, that happens. Then when you squeeze, you have something to squeeze against. It's just like resistance training, like push ups, you know, so it feels very different than when there's nothing in the yoni verm, nothing to grasp onto. And then, then, you know, I wear it all day long in the beginning. I usually recommend to wear it just for a couple of hours when you're at home and you can make sure it doesn't fall out. You wouldn't want to have this happen in the middle of the train or at a party or so. Adam, is this your egg? You could just lay an egg self. Hilarious. Anyway, it shouldn't fall out. If it falls out, it's good to get a bigger egg with two sizes of them. But usually the medium egg is a great place to start. And then it comes with at first actually to get it out, I just push it out. Or you can also use a string just like this around that goes through the thinner part of the egg, which has a drilled hole. And then you can pull it out, you know, using a non fragrant, non wax dental floss. I don't use any string because, you know, if a yoni can push out a baby's head, which you know very well may not be that easy, but you did it.

Yes. And it's big. That's a big baby to push out. A baby is big. It can expand. Which is good to know though that you know, because for me I was thinking, okay, you're putting it up there, kind of gets stuck up there. So you reminding me that I pushed a baby out assures me that it's not going to get stuck.

It doesn't get stuck. It can go. Cannot go anywhere. The cervix is much too small and it's a safe thing to use. The only aid.

Okay, so I've never done that. So thank you for that introduction. I'm totally going to get one. And you recommend. How long should we do it for? Like a day. I mean, when we first start. How long should we do it?

No, just put it in for a couple of hours when you're around the house and, you know, experiment with it in the sense of, you know, how does it feel? Do the dishes and whatever activities you do. And then just, you're sure, you know, it's in there. Because sometimes women don't put it in all the way. And then they say, oh, my gosh.

Right.

So just to make sure. And then once you're familiar with it, you can. I mean, I wear it when I teach and anytime. And I like that first feeling, you know, it gives me a little oomph.

Little. I was thinking that it's like to have that. How great it would be for us to have that connection. Like, you just have that awareness. So it naturally brings your awareness down to your first second chakra.

Right.

I mean, that there's a. That we can tend to disconnect from that in our head. But if we're holding an egg, you know, it's going to be helpful. Like, it just brings the intention of sexual enlightenment.

Yes, exactly. And bringing our energies from the third eye center, the heart center, into our beautiful yoni center. And it's all about energy. And you said intention and I would add attention. We bring attention to our yoni space that we may not usually do, and that in itself shifts, you know, our connection.

So I'm curious, so we can use this throughout the day. I love this of just bringing our attention and intention to this place throughout the day and using it as juice and fuel to fuel our life. What's the transition into when we would like to be intimate with our partners? Like, how do we. How do we juice ourself up more and just get more sexually turned on? Do you know what I'm saying?

So one thing is to do the breathing practices, and there are more practices on that cd. Also, we have a home study course for women who are not close to Chicago or workshops around the country also. All available on our website, tantranova.com however, out of this, you know, moment today, where we are here, what each of the women can start doing right now, you know, once we get off this interview, is to actually start training her muscle and start Breathing now. I find it's really great to have some guidance because with guidance I just accelerate instead of just, you know, figuring it out myself. And anyway, it may take a longer time and I may not do it correctly and all of that. So. But the breath, because the breath really has to do with connecting with myself, as you totally reported a little earlier when we did the breathing practice and then really pumping the yoni, which brings blood flow to the yoni. And wherever there's more blood flow, there's more liveness. And wherever there's more liveness, there's more pleasure. Pleasure doesn't show up without blood flow. And we can see this in the engorgement of the yoni lips and of course the getting erect of the lingam. That happens only with more blood flow. The other place I would start looking and listening to myself is to really what do I want? So making love with my beloved, it's all about how start out. What would I like? Would I like to be held? Would I like to be touched? Would I like to touch him perhaps? Because that may be really assist me in, you know, in breathing together so that we learn to breathe together. Because that awakens the energies. So that is what I would say. I don't know if that is useful.

Yeah, that's great. And it's so like. I mean, I think because there's. I think for some people, they think about tantra and it can. It's. You need to have like hours of, you know, all of these rituals. And it can seem really extensive and sometimes overwhelming for people. But I love that you just. Just hear breath like five minutes before you're gonna be with your partner, set an intention and connect and ask what we want. Like, it doesn't have to be this elaborate thing, although that's nice to have on occasion. But I think that's helpful that we don't have to, you know, just a simple question of what do we want is powerful.

Yes. Yes. It's really to distinguish between the daily connection and then the. What we may want to call more ritual connection or, you know, to. We are going to have the big love session and we prepare it and there's going to be a little for disiac food and, you know, and the healing rituals are always, you know, take at least an hour to one and a half hours because we want to give time so that whatever wants to show up has formed to show up. So no rush, no quickies. And then we also have the quickies, you know, and how can we. We enliven. Our quickies, like on the spot. And the breathing has a lot to do with it. And the attunement to each other to listen for the woman, I would say to listen to herself and to share with her partner what she would like. And then, of course, we also encourage males to learn to listen to, in a way, by inviting her to speak what she may want.

Probing, but inviting, because that can be challenging. I know that's been challenging for me to even know what I want and then be willing to say this is what I want has been huge for me.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. And this is not like our throat set, you know, so connected to our yoni center. And it's not something we learned early on. Just as I said earlier, I mean, who of us got introduced to her, you know, when we went into puberty to her sexual center, her sacred center?

Wow. I mean, imagine girls entering that phase. Like that was their experience. Wow.

Yes. Wow. And, you know, it's so great that you are learning about this and that you are getting engaged in this, because it will only happen if the mothers of today shift the general, general generational, you know, handing down of that obscured relationship to the sexual self. And it's not our mother's fault, it's not our grandmother's fault. It's. They learned it. It was part of our collective consciousness. And that is what I'm so excited about, is that what we are doing here is shifting the consciousness where we can be connected with our creative, lifeless energy. And so I just want to encourage you as a mother, no matter if we raise boys or girls, to bring about the shift within ourselves, which means that we clear our own individual history. And with that clear, like it has a ripple effect, like the generational history, so that a new dawn can appear and you have such a phenomenal opportunity.

I think that's so. I love that. I mean, I love that vision, you know, And I think there's being a mother and just women in general, that we have the power to shift this for ourselves and then shift the consciousness of the whole. And I mean, part of my inspiration even for this is to be able to be a model of this, the divine feminine, for my son, you know, and if I have a girl later on, but to really give him that gift of not passing down what I was passed down. Exactly what you said. And that takes courage, to actually do the healing work and to go on it. But what a what I mean, like the vision that you're talking about for our children and that they don't have to go through the stuff that we went through that they just are connected to their sensual life force, their sexual life force for life. Ah, that's amazing.

Yes. Thank you so much for partnering here with me.

Wow. Well, I love it. I so appreciate you. And I just, you know, and I, I've said this before, but you and Freddie, I just recently connecting with you, you guys have just such a grace and ease and vitality and beauty to you that it's like this. You guys are on to something really, really fantastic. So I appreciate you and I acknowledge you for all the work you've done over the years and to really be an embodiment of this work.

Thank you so much, Alexandra. So much appreciation and lots of love to you.

Thank you. And I have one more thing. Where can people find out more about the Tantra Nova Institute and your work and give us your website and anything else you'd like to share with us.

Thank you. Yeah, I'd love to do that. So at www.tantranova.com T A N T R N O V A.com right on the homepage, when you opt in, you can get a PDF with 10 practices called creating Intimacy and Love or, you know, Immediate Intimacy Connection. And that's a great way of starting. There's also our home study course right at the homepage. You can take a look at that and see, see if that, you know, resonates with you. And also the homepage, scroll down a little further. There's our book Sexual Enlightenment, which provides really the opportunity to go a little deeper towards the understanding of what that all means, you know, like getting the backbone to the practices and to what we want to bring forth here. In the end, healing and expanding into our sexual spiritual self. And then of course, for women, I teach women workshops only and people from all around the country come to Chicago to do these workshops. And if you want to come with a beloved, or actually when we are in Santa Barbara in January, you can come as a single or as a couple. And then we go to Essela, that beautiful retreat place in Northern California where we do a couples retreat as we do at Kripalo, that yoga center in western Massachusetts over New Year's. So just browse around and get what you would like, including the practice CD or just downloading a track from the product page.

Fantastic.

Let me give it one more time.

Tantranova.com tantranova.com check it out. I have the book. I love it. I am going to be buying an egg and the CD and looking at the home study course.

Definitely. The egg.

Definitely. Thank you so much, Elizabeth.

Bye. Bye, Alexander.

Bye. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.