Your Beautiful Life with Cynthia Occelli

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have. A hello and welcome. I'm Alexandra J. Johnson, and today we have a gorgeous and talented goddess with us, Cynthia Ocelli. And Cynthia is amazing. I love her. She's literally my. I think of goddess, and so many times I just think of Cynthia of just being the embodiment of goddess. So I love her. And a little official bio is she dropped out of school in the ninth grade, and she became a single mom living on welfare at the age of 19. And then she went on to law school and graduated in the top 3% of her class. Amazing. She is a coach, entrepreneur, author of Resurrecting Venus, Embrace your feminine power. And she is also the founder of the Beautiful Life school, which empowers women to just rock it. So welcome Cynthia.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Alexandra. I'm excited, happy to be here. Always, always happy to see you. You described me, and I'm thinking, well, that's what she is to me.

Awesome. Beautiful. So I'd love to start off with Resurrecting Venus, your book, which we know we've talked before, and I just love your book. It's so, so, so powerful. And can you talk with us about why Resurrecting Venus? Why Venus? What does that mean for you and how has that helped shape your life?

Sure, sure. I guess to start. I grew up in a time where women were really coming out and owning their power and coming into the workforce. And I was raised by women without men around. And I was really taught all of the things that we could do and the way that do it, the way that I was taught was to get out there and take what you want and demand your space and put your pants on. I remember one time my aunt was having a conversation with my mom about a tough negotiation she was going into. And my mom and her, they decided to put her hair back in a ponytail so that she would be more imposing and more dominant. And while those all have their place, this idea of owning our power really translated to me as becoming more masculine, becoming more man like. And there are places for that. And there's nothing. I certainly have nothing negative to say about the masculine, but it really started to seem that the masculine was dominating our entire world. It's the way of the world. And the feminine qualities, which are. Which kind of got a bad rap as being Weak are really powerful. This idea of creativity and cooperation and compassion and kindness and working together, sisterhood, and being able to solve a problem in a way that nobody has to lose or suffer, and moving through the world as a woman, feeling comfortable in your skin, rather than trying to be more like something you're not, putting on a tough pants suit and being aggressive in the way that you move. And those are really. You're never going to be better than a man at being a man. And what you can be excellent at is being yourself. And so if you're a woman who happens to be very feminine, which many women are, and I have to say that, because some women aren't, which is totally cool. But if you are, you know, if you're. If you have this feminine Persona and you're trying to be masculine, you're not going to be very successful and you're going to feel very insecure. So Resurrecting Venus was this idea that I wrote a blog, just one idea. It was a blog, and it was saying, you know, by embracing the feminine, I've been able to change my life, and I feel better inside, and I'm more successful, even if I'm not being catty and competitive and driving and domineering. And it works. And also, it brings gifts to everyone. I know. My relationships are happier. I'm a better mom. I am actually friends with all the women in my life. And as a sisterhood, we support each other. And so it was this big idea of all of the feminine that had been kind of relegated and shoved aside to bring it back in, bring it mainstream, and make it okay for us to live and swim and embrace our femininity, our beauty, our sexuality, our sensuality. To give the man, if we have a man in our life who's very masculine, to give him his feminine counterpart and let that just blossom and really be taken care of by that and to have that be okay, too, and to stay at home with our kids and to let that be the prize and privilege that it is rather than something you did because you, you know, settled and didn't go out and get this big career, didn't go out and do something else. I mean, to really get the perspective back. And that was the whole reason to me. And what it did was it completely remade my life because I had this idea and I had areas of it and I had used in my life. And what it did was bring forward women around the world who had wanted to know that that was okay, that embracing your feminine isn't betraying Feminism that embracing your beauty isn't objectifying yourself, like really coming together. And it's been absolutely amazing.

Beautiful. So I'm curious, you said success, so what does success mean for you? And just like this overall idea, because I think there's this idea of what success is in our world and I know for me when I've gone for these so called success things, I didn't feel happy and fulfilled. So it's been a process for me of getting to that. So what do you guide us on that a little bit more?

Well, I think you just answered it. So success is not some description that I could describe to you. Success is you saying I feel happy and fulfilled. It's interesting. Right now my daughter is about to put college apps in and I'm around all of these moms who are just driving hard, using their masculine, just driving their children and forcing them to go in the direction of what they think success is. And of course the motivation is I want you to be able to do well in the world. I want you to have everything. But really if they're self reliant and they're happy and fulfilled, how much more success could they have? And so I'm really taking that in and applying it right now. My definition of success, I've been very clear on it lately and with the way I'm guiding my daughter is be self reliant. Because this is a world that has a big physical component. You need to be able to manage it so that you're not suffering, you're happy, comfortable, but now what's going to fulfill you and follow that. And honestly, if more the reason I'm so clear on that is because if everyone were doing that, I don't think my coaching business would have had any clients. I had all these women from 30 to 50 who realized they had followed the success path, the plastic nirvana that's hung out there and crashed and burned. And so it really comes back to your. And this is what I teach in my school, following and discovering your truth, passion and purpose and letting it lead your life.

Okay, so how do we start to do that? How do we. And I'd love to hear more about your school and the beautiful life. And where do we even start creating a beautiful life? And what are some of the steps?

The first thing, our first course in the school is called Truth, passion and purpose. And the very beginning of it is to really get conscious and aware of, of what's happened to the connection that you have with your truth. Because if you look at a baby, look At a little child before the world has given them an identity and taught them who to be. They have a sense about them and they don't have to look to anybody to know what they want. They don't, you know, go, do I like that? Do I? They really know, right? And then what happens is we have our well meaning family who enculturates us and teaches us, kind of domesticates our wild spirit. And then the world takes it from there. And the media says this is what success is. And it says it at such a volume and intensity with all the electronics and all the Internet age that we're in, that you cannot drive down the street without a billboard, a bus stop, the radio, your text messages, everything is telling you all the time what success is and what should be true for you. And so I think it's very easy to get disconnected from it. And then also we have expectations that are placed on us by others and that can be very powerful. And especially for women, so many of us are more willing to work to uphold and please someone else's expectations and we'll give ours up and we'll look the other way and we'll think it's okay and that it's actually being good or that it's doing the right thing. And that's the beginning of what we do in the school is to get conscious of that so that you can kind of unlearn it and get back to an objective observing position where you're looking at yourself and saying, I have this belief. Is this true? Is this true for me? Is this really what I want to do? Will this bring me joy? Will this. I kind of give everyone a calling that we're all awaken them to the calling. I don't get it. It's already there. And just turn their attention to kind of realize that we all come into the world with gifts, we're all unique, we all have strengths, we are all built in this custom, beautiful, exquisite creation and nature and spirit. Whatever you believe is brilliant, not random or cool, it doesn't make this beautiful being that's here to be an artist and say, now you go and be an accountant, or now you want to have babies and you want to have a beautiful home and you want to create Eden, this Garden of Eden in your life. But don't do that because you need to go and get a corporate job. You know, like getting back to your truth and unlearning what everyone else has told you is the very beginning of creating a beautiful life. And once you can identify that and we go through a process, and it's painful. I mean, I always say it's probably going to get ugly before it gets beautiful. And it does, because you're going to let somebody down. When people see you change, they may not like it. They may rebel against you and try to control you. You're gonna have to let things go from the past, and you're gonna have to take responsibility for your life, and you're gonna have to take some risks. Like, there's all this stuff you gotta do. That's not the fun part. Right. And so. But that's the essence of it. And once you can understand and connect with that inner sense of what's true for you, what your passion is, what your purpose is, it will become your North Star. And everything you do in life will go back toward that. And you'll always have a direction and things will happen. I mean, I can make you the poster child for things happening that throw you off course and shake your center. But once you have that truth, you always know how to get back on, and it will always guide you forward, and that is success, and that is a beautiful life.

Amen. A woman. Okay, so I love this. And I, you know, I was just journaling this morning because I have. I feel like there's always new depths of our truth emerging and calling us forward. And it doesn't stop, you know, like, you peel off and you just keep opening. And I'm like, you know, I'm kind of comfortable. Like, I don't really, you know, like.

I don't know if I really want.

To expand to this thing that's being called to me. So can you just talk about that? Of, like, in those moments where we have. And we all have it as women, like, we feel like, oh, there's a new something wanting to be birthed through us. And we either don't want to do it, we're scared to do it, we're not sure if it's the right direction. So how do we kind of work with this?

I have a very strong feeling about that. And that is that life, our intuition, our inner being, whispers and invites us and prompts us. And we can ignore it, or we can turn the other way or pretend we don't hear it, and it will talk to us, and then it will insist and maybe nag. And the longer we wait, there comes that point that it booms to us and something breaks in our life. Something massive happens. I feel like, look around you. What is life doing all of the time? Life is expressing Changing and growing. You don't get to say, no thanks, I'm not gonna do it. You're going to do it and you're going to do it in conjunction with your intuition, guided and flowing in a more smooth way, or it will rip you into it. And I've watched it so many times. I've watched people just sleep on it, put it off, suppress it because it's uncomfortable. And I just feel so strongly that you have to turn to it, you have to open to it, you have to prepare yourself to go in that direction because if you don't, it's going to be so much more challenging and difficult. And that's when the things you don't want to manifest come all at you at the same time. And you have that life wide cave in that I really think could be avoided if you kind of were willing to walk the path of your greatest expression.

Beautiful. I love that too, that it starts off with the whisper.

Yeah, I'm really good now about being conscious and listening for the whispers. I tried it the other way. I'm speaking from firsthand experience as well as coaching. I've seen it in my life and I've watched it in others. And in this last summer, you know, I've had a. My mom had a brain tumor, diagnosis of a brain tumor in March. This has a pivotal year full of breaking down breaks and breaks and upsets and pains. And you know, I thought, you know, I've been a single welfare mom. My first husband had a brain aneurysm and I had to go through losing that. And I thought, you know, I've really been through a lot and that I couldn't really, I didn't have a lot to grow in certain ways because I had been to such depths. And that's not true. There's always more and more. This summer has been a real deepening and getting into that more. And it's really brought to my attention because all this time at the hospital, I'm a people person. I love to talk to people. I've heard a ton of stories and there's a through line of people who wanted thought, had this sense that they should do something, had this sense that it should be different, ignored something, suppressed their pain. There's something, there's something emotional tied to every single illness that they would share with me. So I feel like we've got to get on the front line, dig up our stuff, get support if we need help in dealing with it or just to process it, to journal it, to bring it to Light and to go in the direction of our inner promptings. I feel like if you don't, it's not that. It's just a simple life of mediocrity, which in and of itself should be bad enough. There's also a consequence, and I would like to see all the women in the world avoid that consequence.

Totally. Totally. And it's, it takes courage. I mean, obviously, you know, you know this and you teach, but I just, you know, as you're talking about it, to really be willing to go to those depths and say, okay, I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling scared and I don't even know if I'm going to totally screw this thing up, but I've got to do it. I've got to do it.

But look around. Go find anyone you admire and dig in their past. Because beneath the surface perfection, you know, the flowers and everything, there's a deeper place of someone who had to struggle, who didn't know what they could do until they did it, who wasn't born knowing. I mean, take a look at every baby born. Is any baby born, you know, Oprah, I mean, it's a process, right? And we have to be more kind and gentle with ourselves and understand that we're starting where we're starting and we will continue to grow and we can get to anything that we want to get to. This idea of self doubt is so magnified by the sensation that today you start here and tomorrow you'll be here. It doesn't have to go that way, and it doesn't go that way because you wouldn't actually, actually be able to handle here. You go here gradually and you surround yourself with great women who are on your side and you surround yourself with people that you can share your vulnerability with and who say, I see you and I've been there and I know that you can do this and people behind you so you can say to them, hey, I was there. And you realize that we're all doing this together and that people don't just arrive one day shiny and perfect.

No. Okay, so I'm curious then. How do. I don't know. I was reading this, I think maybe on your blog or something of like, settling. Like, how do we not settle or know when we are, you know, not really living up to our potential. Not some extrinsic fame and hot and richness, but more of just like, am I really living up to my capability?

Well, I think you know honestly every answer. And I've learned this just from years and years of coaching. When I was a consultant, I used to bring problems, I bring solutions. I had the answers. As I became a coach, I realized everybody has their own answers and that I couldn't possibly have the answer. And so it's really about getting quiet and honest enough and saying, if I didn't have fear or limitation, would this be where I want to be? Is this the best place for me right now? Is this in line with my greatest health? Because, you know, your body doesn't lie. I shared a quote the other day by Anise Min and she said something about when you pretend your whole body revolts. And that's true, right? So to really get connected and be honest and then accept that answer, even if it's a scary answer, and realize that you can do small things, don't be intimidated by the massiveness of what you're uncomfortable with. And then sometimes there are situations where you say, if you have a three year old little kid and you say, I want to be out there doing this and that, that you may consciously choose for the betterment of both of you long term to say, you know, I can wait until kindergarten if that's an option for you. And that resonates with you. So it's not really about having it all and making drastic changes in the moment. It's about being honest and recognizing where you are and supporting yourself and where you want to go. So say back to that three year old mom situation, okay, what could I do? I could take Harvard's online now. I could take a marketing course, I could prepare. I could support myself and still not break my life open, right? So it's just really being honest. And when you're honest and then you ask, well, how can I live more into that? You will answer and you have that answer.

I always feel like I just need to pause and take what you say. I'm just like.

I know I'm doing well. When you're like.

I love that. And I love that, you know, you don't have to break your life open too. I think that's so. And you don't have to break your body in the process either. You know, it's like, what are you doing it for? And I say this to myself, sometimes I just have to like reel it in. I get super enthusiastic and it's like, you know what, sweetheart, your body is not made to be doing that much stuff. So bringing it back and like having that be okay to, that's a huge part of my process.

You've got to let that be okay. And Be accepting and be kind. And that reminds me of something that comes up in my school a lot. There are women who, you know, I believe you follow your passion and the money will follow. I believe that you can make a thriving living doing exactly what you want. What I don't believe is that you quit your job today and jump head on into it or that you make some drastic change for some long shot with a big amount of risk and you risk everything you've gotten and mortgage your house and do all these things for the possibility of getting where you want. I believe that creates more tension, more stress, more discomfort and we don't have to do it this way. I would instead suggest that you add a few hours on the weekend that you then add a few more. That it's a gradual self supporting transition. I think that we have to always give a lot of value to what are the moments of my life like? Because what is life? It's a collection of connected moments, right? Each one of them we should be making as full and as comfortable. Even while we're doing things that are completely outside of our comfort zone. We can support ourselves within those moments and take small steps. And I think it's Tony Robbins. Small steps taken consistently over time create massive results. That's the truest thing I've ever heard. Because if you keep walking, you'll get there, right? And we have to that patience with ourselves and that self love and know that we're worth it, that we're worth having a beautiful process and experience. Because the destination honestly is quite momentary. Because then you pick a new one, right?

Okay, so then the worth you just mentioned, worth. How do we own our worth? And what does that mean? And how do we feel like we are worthy of actually living our ideal dream beautiful life?

It starts with how you treat yourself. It's a daily action effort, the way that you treat yourself. If you want to be worthy and respected, you have to hold yourself in high regard. And that doesn't mean that you stick your nose up in the air and go, I'm grand. It's like more of a down to earth. What are you eating? Are you sleeping enough? Are your relationships toxic or are they uplifting? Who are you sleeping with? Are you giving yourself away? Are you like, you know, I have this, what do I call it, random sex? Because casual sex is a total oxymoron. You have, you're getting hormonally intertwined and energetically intertwined with someone when you have sex. So if you're randomly doing that, it's like having Fort Knox with a gaping empty access in the back that anybody can come in there and take your energy or toxify your energy or do all kinds of things to you. So you've got to hold yourself in high regard on a daily basis as a way of being. And then what happens is it kind of slips through the ethers and it trains other people in how to treat you. So the people who maybe would be disrespectful or toxic to you will withdraw that because they'll see that it doesn't work. It's not, you won't stay around for it. And that's again holding yourself in high regard. If you're in a toxic situation, you remove yourself, someone starts gossiping and you realize that that is harming someone energetically behind their back who's not there to defend themselves. And you say, you know, I don't do that, please don't do that with me here. Everything changes when you value yourself. Everyone else will value you and you'll also all of the little nonsense conversation and the nonsense stuff, the chaos that kind of surrounds people will end and there'll be a stillness around you as you come come into a situation. That stillness and that self regard and that inner wor cultivating will affect every negotiation, every conversation, everything you do with everyone. And having been on both sides, I came up very rough, teenage dropout and didn't really have any self worth at all. I could walk in a room, people wouldn't even notice. I literally have people bump into me because I wasn't even registering as in the room because I was feeling so unworthy, so small, so out of place and just in caring for myself and caring for my child and holding myself in high regard by action everything changed. I remember one day walking into a room and having the room almost clear and going, well that's different, you know, it's a whole different thing. And people then they want, they want, they love that sense that comes off of you. And that's actually where your confidence comes from too. You kind of know who you are, you know what you'll take. You're not out to get anybody, you're not going to tell anybody how it is, but you know what's acceptable for you and people love it. And so you magnetize the opportunities, the people, the events. It's like a complete panacea life makeover. And it all starts with that holding yourself in high regard on a basic daily action. I see you every day in the Oasis. Not every day, most days you post Your rituals that you did that morning. And you talk about how your taking care of yourself. You have a green juice or smoothie or something. You're doing your meditation, you're setting your goals. You're very conscious about holding yourself in high regard. And if someone were to say, you know, but I want to come over and see you tomorrow morning, I want to smoke cigarettes, drink coffee and criticize, you know, world events, you would have an absolute boundary. Like, no, I'm holding myself in high regard. Right. So those things are never going to be part of your experience. And it's that simple. It's this little micro action that has this massive effect.

I love that. Yeah. And I mean, I think about, you know, you talk about your, you know, your challenges of dropping out and just kind of where you came from and where you are now and your beautiful radiance that you have and the gifts that you give to the world. And it's so. It's so interesting because I think about the people I hung out with, and I used to get wasted, like, in college, and I knew that was not my truth, but I would just do it because everybody was getting wasted. So I'd go get wasted and dance and whatever, make out with people. And you're like, what the hell? You know? But it's like, I didn't hold myself. And I was learning, you know, and stepping into this path. But I can just.

You just.

You have. I think we all, as women have glimpses of, like, oh, my gosh, I was. That was not me. But we've been culturally conditioned and everybody's doing it, and it takes some ovaries to say, no, I'm not going to do that anymore.

Yeah. And to feel okay and to be okay with the ostracism that may follow and the criticism. And the criticism is ridiculous. I remember that I have a story like that when I was. I was kind of a kid who wasn't included in a lot of things because I was a bit of a prude.

I.

And I remember the friends that I had went and they took mushrooms or acid or something and they went out on the golf course and it was a Friday night. And, you know, we didn't have, like, Internet and pagers. I mean, it's like the Stone Age. It's terrible. But anyway, I'm calling and calling and there's no answer and everything. And of course you don't hear anything. And Monday I went to school and I found out about that, and I had my feelings so hurt that I wasn't Included that they didn't invite me because they didn't want me around because I wouldn't have taken them. I was scared. I'm like a phobic about things like, what if that kills me? You know, this good fear of taking drugs. And so. But I was actually so skewed in my thinking and so upset that I was ostracized by the community, that they were doing something horrible, that I'm so glad now that I had nothing involved in that. I wanted to be there, and I was hurt and included.

Oh, my gosh.

To be there for our daughters.

Yeah.

I mentor teens now, and I have a teen daughter. And it's. It's a common conversation because those situations are still happening, and they're happening more, if not than they were before because the technology is so good. Everybody's in everything, and it's moving so much faster.

Yeah. I mean, that is a whole other conversation. I don't have a girl yet, but the things that teenage girls are doing. I'm like, oh, my God. Wow, you're tame.

Compared.

Oh, my gosh. I mean.

Yeah.

I was like, it's just mind blowing. And it's like, that's important for us as women to be demonstrations and give different role models. Like, it's not just about us living our great life. Right. It's about, like, they need to see other people. Like, okay, don't sell yourself and don't.

Oh, yes, I totally agree. And it's something that is so important because these are the girls who are. Then there's so many interesting studies. My mind is flooded right now. The boys actually also suffer, but they suffer later. And what they suffer from. I'm talking about this indiscriminate sex culture that our teens are in right now. They're saying that. I was reading. There's a lot of research. Dr. Sacks is great. He compiles a lot of it. So it's in one place, if anyone's interested. But they were saying that girls suffer now because they get emotionally involved. They still get chastised and ostracized for being sexually promiscuous with boys, and they suffer the consequences now. And this contemporaneous with the time they're doing it of indiscriminate, random sex that's happening all the time. Boys, on the other hand, suffer later because they've had so much indiscriminate sex. They haven't developed their ability to bond with a woman. And because men typically bond with one person and have one person they share with and Women typically bond with many people, and we can all share with each other. The men suffer far more deeply and far more gravely because without that one connection, they really aren't able to be emotionally healthy and happy. So it's huge for the boys and the girls. That's amazing.

Yeah. I mean. Yes. I just. I mean, I remember being dating a guy for, like, a month or something, and he was like. I was very. I don't have sex, like, very. You know, I waited till, like, the longest ever in a relationship and whatever, but he was like, why aren't you having sex? And I'm like, I don't. I just met you, like, a month ago. We're just dating. He was, like, seriously upset, and he, like, was. He wasn't yelling at me, but he was upset. And I was like, I'm done. Like, we're done. And I was staying the night. I picked up my stuff and I left, and I was like, we're done.

That's great. That's great. If a woman can feel empowered like that, and a young girl. If we can empower our girls that way and share these stories because they're so important and they don't get enough conversation. We tend to write it off as teen behavior, but as women, this sisterhood, we can remake the world and change lives everywhere just by having these sometimes uncomfortable but very important conversations. And to be open about that.

Yeah, totally. And I think, like you said, just bringing it to light that you're not alone. Because I think. I mean, some women, you know, I have some friends that they say they like to just go out and have flings and, like. But for most of my friends, they don't want to be doing that. You know, for me, I always wanted to be in a relationship. And I even feel like sometimes. Not even sometimes, there are times that I remember that I had sex and I didn't want to have sex. Yeah, for sure. And it's just like. I mean, I feel for myself and I feel for women. Like, we're compromising our bodies and our souls and our hearts.

We're back to that settling because we have a culture. And what gets the most coverage is cheating men and men who. You know, look at our television commercials. Our commercials are all imbecile men who, like, can't work dishwashers, can't drive cars. You know, they do everything wrong. The guy can't. He goes to the store to buy something, and because it was two for one, he buys, you know, two giant sectionals, and he's sitting there like an idiot. And the woman's looking at him and you know, she's got the brains and he's an idiot. So we have this subliminal message all the time that we can't, that men are just kind of these, you know, accessories that are never going to be high functioning, never going to be able to be trusted or to give us to satisfy our deep desires. And so we settle and, or we'll do things, we'll put, we'll get into a sexual relationship because he may not stay or we'll tolerate behaviors that hurt our hearts because we don't want to lose him. And that is the ultimate in settling. Because there are two things that are true. One, what you're seeking is out there. There are phenomenal men out there. And in my position, having written Resurrecting Venus and interviewed hundreds of men for it, I was in this beautiful place to actually talk to them and they weren't trying. I'm in a relationship. We were having a real conversation where they could be honest and open with no agenda, nothing to advance, not trying to impress me with their wonders virtually by email, in person, in all kinds of ways. There are really, really great guys. And you've got to hold out and believe and be the woman that is the mate to the man that you got to be who you the counterpart of what you want to be with. And that's not changing yourself, that's living the way that that woman would live. And then second to that, the other truth is that it is far better to be a fully expressed woman living your life your way than it is to be settling and staying in relationship with some less than healing, helping, supporting, loving man. You are far better to be off on your own. And that's the sphere I keep encountering with women who don't like to be alone. And it's not that I'm saying that you should love to be alone and be alone forever. But quite honestly, when you're fully invested in your life and you've built a community and you're, you're doing things that you like, you won't be suffering this inner loneliness and you will be magnetic to healthy men. So don't settle.

I love that the reminder to live your life. Because I think there's this idea of waiting for your partner, you know, like you're, you're act, you're like out there searching for your partner versus actually living your life.

And that searching energy is a needy, lack based, lack driven energy. And what it does is it confirms you as Right. Every time I'm searching, I can't find him. I can't find him. I'm searching. And it's this like cycle and it continues to prove itself true. So you feel that it is true. But if instead you were to say, I'm going to invest in myself, what do I like to do? What classes would I like to take? Where do I want to spend my time? I'm going to build myself a sisterhood, I'm going to improve my financial circumstances, improve my education or be with my kids more? What would I like to do that would make my life more full? What would make my body feel healthier? And it's this idea, like, you know, some women say, oh, I gotta get skinny. I gotta do all this stuff so I can look hot for the guys. Honestly, if you are just nurturing your health, you'll look beautiful. It'll radiate from the inside. If you're holding yourself in that high regard, you slip through the ethers as this magnetic being who's got something special inside of her, which is basically herself. And in her authenticity, in her realness. And that will magnetize the good guy. And then one more thing is there are a lot of women who go, but I don't like that guy. I like that guy. The guy who doesn't return my calls. But he's so hot. But he didn't. He disappeared for two weeks and he was talking to his ex girlfriend. But when we're together, it's so magical. That's usually some crazy dynamic that's playing out that somewhere inside of us we might be feeling a little inadequate. And we're setting up this dynamic that if we can get him to choose us, it will deny the dynamic of our unworthiness or our. It'll prove that we never should have been abandoned by a parent or that somebody should never have harmed us in some way. It'll prove that we're good enough. That is a sick cycle that when we can observe it, and I lived it, I'm not like talking from the pulpit. I'm right there next to you, okay? That was my thing once. I could embrace myself, accept myself, realize that nobody else out there could validate me. And if a jerk chose me, it didn't make him any less of a jerk and it didn't make me any better. I was able to actually fall in love and stay in relationship with a good, nice guy. Someone who before then I would have went, oh, no, I'm not going to talk to him. No, I like that. Guy, the one who doesn't return my call. Right.

Yes, I am that woman as well. There was a lot of proving, you know, you had. I would have 20 guys that want to date me and then the one who said, I don't want to date you, I'm like, what are you talking about? And I'd be focused on that one.

That's the guy to cut loose. Honestly, that is the one. That's the guy actually to say thank you for showing up and being my teacher. Because I've got to look at something inside of me that makes me drawn to that and unwilling to let it go.

Totally. And this is such a hot topic, I think, for women too, because we all kind of have that, you know, there's this. Not all, but a lot of women have the bad guy or I don't know why I like him. We have such crazy chemistry. It's so great, you know, and you're.

Like, so I get emails almost every day, at least every day from women who say things like, they'll tell me about these horrible guys. He took money from me, he doesn't support his children, he cheated on me, he did all of these things and then he left and he's ran off with another woman. And I know that that's wrong. And they kind of like, it's almost like if they confess it then they think that I'm not going to mention it. I know that he's wrong. I know he's done a lot of bad things and maybe I shouldn't be with him, but he really, really makes me feel good. How do I get him back? And I'm just like, gosh, you know, where are we? That we would even consider that? Where are we that we would see harm done to us and acknowledge it and spell it out, articulate it quite clearly and then say, I know, but I want it. That's really us failing ourselves in the most massive and major way that's out of alignment with our truth, out of alignment with our passion, our life purpose and our inner, inner deserving of our own integrity and dignity. And so it's always. And my answers are always the same. And it always makes people unhappy. You know, cut them loose, take a hiatus from dating and heal yourself. You need to go on a six month self romance tour. And some do it. And a lot will come back later because these guys, it doesn't work. You don't fix them, you don't change anybody else. You can only change yourself.

Beautiful. Yeah, that's so. I love that. That's so great. Just the dignity, like you said, of being willing to stand in your dignity.

Yeah.

And just say, that's not okay. And, you know, it's a reflection. Right. Of us, how we are so hard on ourselves. You know, if we're willing to tolerate that, what are we doing to ourselves?

Yeah. And at the same time, there's always. There's a scripture, you know, the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I find myself when I'm talking with a lot of women in, you know, intimate conversations saying, why don't you do unto yourself as you do unto others? Let's flip that back around because you would never do these things to other people. You wouldn't tolerate this for your children. You wouldn't even let your dog live like that. Yeah. We have these women, you know, they love these pet advocates and their dog. Like, they're, they're healthy, they eat like they're organic. They have no gluten in their diet. They never get left alone. They get whacked every day. Nobody can say a harsh word. And these women are getting just trashed in relationship. We got to get down to the basics. And it's again, holding yourself in high regard with how you act and think and nourish yourself emotionally and physically. Yeah.

So it's, for me, there's the practice, since I now have a two year old, of like, would I want him treating himself the way that I'm treating myself? You know, like I can get hard on myself or, you know, you should be able to do this or whatever. And it's like, I would never want him to say that to himself.

I think that's one of the best, best ways I say that a lot of. What would you advise your daughter or your best friend or someone you love dearly to do in this situation? Get some altitude. Back up. What advice would you give to someone you loved with all of your heart? And it's sad because the premise there is you don't love yourself that way. Right. Because we have to use these tests because we don't innately know and love ourselves this way. And it's. There's something in our makeup or in our culture in some, some way. Because most of the men that I talk to would be like, they solve that problem in a minute. They know exactly what they need to do and they don't like it. And they still have the hurt feelings and everything, but they say, oh, no, I can't. I'm not doing that. That's over with. And Then they go and they lick their wounds and put themselves back together and they're on to the next one.

So what do we do about this? The judgment and the criticism and, you know, this feeling of not feeling worthy. You had said, going on a romancing adventure. I don't know what word you use, but like, how do we start, you know, really loving ourselves more?

I think that it's an outside in initiation. It starts from the outside in, but it's ultimately an inside out thing. But you have to take loving action and you can ask yourself, how am I loving myself? What could I do in this moment that would be loving? And oftentimes it's just, stop thinking that terrible thought about yourself. Stop putting yourself down. You know, get on your own side. Often we are. We ourselves are our worst enemy. And then after that it's other women because we're all sitting there picking on each other like, oh, look at her skirt. Oh, look at, she's fat. Look at this, she's not this. Comparing each other, being catty. We have nurtured this vicious cycle and we take it inside ourselves. Anytime someone is gossiping outward, anytime someone is criticizing another woman, it's just a fraction of what they're doing inside of themselves. Just a tiny, tiny bit of what's happening on the inside. And becoming aware and then making a different choice is the only way to change that. So you're sitting there and you're thinking thoughts and you kind of have to look and go, wow, I just. And just thought, you know, I'm a loser. Well, do I think that my best friend is a loser? Or would I think that my child in the same situation would I feel that same way about them and saying, okay, what could I choose instead? Or how could I behave instead? Or what can I do to get united within on my same side so that I don't have a civil war going on inside of me where I am cannibalizing myself. That if you can, if you can become conscious of that and take the effort, because it is. It's not a magic. It's like a magic thing that you do and all of a sudden it just stops forever. It's a conscious and consistent effort. And it may feel like you're doing nothing, like you're just standing still, but in time, you look back after you consistently become aware of how you're feeling, become aware of your self, talk and choose other talk. It gets easier and easier and easier. And in the space three weeks, you can go an incredible amount. But six months, one year, you'll look back and realize, oh, my gosh. Especially if you journal it, because that's how I did it. I used to write down these little thoughts, and most of them weren't even mine. I grew up in a. In a. I'm a biracial person, and I grew up in a white community that was very racist. So I had all these little ideas about my race and about my hair. I used to try to make my hair look like yours. That's not gonna happen. So I had all these songs. I was like this. Literally this black sheep. And I had a lot of insecurity about that. And I would write down those things and then step back and go, well, would I say that to another black person? And of course I wouldn't. And I could see how egregious that would be and how I would never want to put that on them. And it really enabled me to put it outside of myself where I could then remodel it and choose a different belief. And doing that, I have journals over the years. The way that I used to talk to myself, the way that I used to look at other women, the way that I used to even talk to other people about myself or about them is completely different. So you can change it. And it's. My life opened up when I stopped being my worst enemy because there's no other enemy out there. That's it. Once you get rid of your internal enemy, even whatever you. Whoever you think is out there thinking about you, they're really far more concerned with themselves. There's nobody out there. That's all I have.

That's awesome. That is so great. I love that. Yeah, we are. I mean, it's just. And it's. And it's. I think. Do you. I love your thoughts on this. Do you think it's a way for us. So I was just journaling about this yesterday of a way for us to waste time and not do what we're here to do. Like, we just get caught in this, you know, this criticism and this judgment and this poor me and this victimhood. And then you're not actually doing what you're here to do because you're so worried about your insecurities that you're not showing up and shining.

We are so complex as women. You know, I have a daughter, and I have a son. My son. God, it's so easy. I can just say A and B and C. And he's like, yeah. And I say to my daughter, A and B and C. And she goes, no, no, no, no, no. X and Y and yellow and blue and, you know, all these other things come in. It is complex. We have these brains and this makes us great. And you know, biologically, we're great moms, multitask. We can. We're gathering and holding a baby and nursing, we're doing all this stuff. And our brain is for thinking and we catch everything, okay? And what that does is it makes every little bit of our life and the way that we move through the world susceptible to our machinating with it, to our messing it up. So we can sit there and wallow in victimhood and explain a million reasons why we cannot succeed. And they sound really good. And all the bad things that happened to us in our past, all the disabilities we have right now, and I don't mean physical disabilities. I know this because I was like the pity party queen, okay? I was like homecoming queen at the pity party. I was this, you know, I dropped out of ninth grade. Here I am on welfare, I had a baby, I have no skills and I'm biracial, which to me at the time meant that, you know, I couldn't even be seen in public without, you know, pulling my hair straight and putting my makeup on or something. I had all the excuses in the world and on top of it, I had everybody outside of me confirming them because statistically, I wasn't supposed to be able to succeed. Statistically, I would never graduate from law school. Statistically, I would never build dream home or transcend that poverty or that low self esteem or that have a child that graduates from a top university. That was not in the cards for me. I remember telling myself that story. Thankfully, I had my son. And the pain of looking at him while telling myself that story, because it meant that was his story too, was enough to shake me out of it. It was enough to make me say, well, then I will die trying. I've got nothing to lose. And that's one of the wonderful things when you're at the bottom, like when everything's falling apart, it can only go up, it can only be better, right? I can only end up right here or better. And so ending that victimhood talk, ending that blaming of others, ending that self machinating all the reasons why I can't do it, the economy is against me. You know, I'm short, I'm fat, I'm uneducated, I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too poor. All of these things come into our mind and they hold us back. And we are naturally less inclined to take risks. We're naturally less inclined to put ourselves out there to be humiliated or embarrassed. Embarrassed and all of it. What you need to realize is you're never going to sort it through and make it make sense. You need to let it go. You need to ball it up and give it to the universe, give it to the divine, send it back to the potentials. You know, there's this field out there of infinite potential. Anything can manifest, anything is possible at any time, right? We know this. If it's true for them, it's true for us. We know this. Send those negative ideas, just don't try to conclude them and make them work. They will not work. Release them and surrender them back to the field of infinite potential and take a positive action. Take the action that you would take if you weren't afraid. When I started, I still have had that anxiety for a long time after I had really learned to take action steps. And what I would do is I would play this little game with myself that I would schedule my freak out for the day after whatever it is that I was going to do that I was freaking out about doing because I had to put it somewhere and that was how I would do it. And it actually. I sound nuts, but it worked, right? I know it sounds nuts. It worked. And I would be able to just take the next step in front of me because yes, you can get in your victimhood and you can get in your analysis paralysis, and you will do nothing. And if you do not stand in your courage, stand in your worth, and stand in some faith that something bigger than you is coming through you and that there's a purpose and a reason that you're here. If you don't stand up in that and be willing to take the risk, you will live in smallness and mediocrity forever. It will not change. And then one of my favorite authors, Bronnie Ware, I loved having her on because she did hospice work with people who were dying. And she wrote the book the Top five Regrets of the Dying. And I was always just so fascinated because she would say, number one, regret. I regret not doing what I wanted to do and instead doing the things others wanted to do or succumbing to fear. And what could be worse than that than finding yourself at the end of your days and realizing that it was you and only you who held you back. So, yep, all the chaos, all the crazy, everything, ball it up, let it go, schedule it, do what you got to do to take the next step and to believe that you're not alone, and there's something greater than you that's coming through you or you wouldn't have this attraction. You know, it's like people go, well, I don't think. I don't know if I can have my dreams. Work is supposed to be hard. They have all these, like, beliefs under there. And quite honestly, you're drawn to what you're drawn to, and it's different from what everyone else is drawn to. And that's perfect. That's like, you know, that's. That's. That's divine intelligence manifested. And here we are questioning it. It's like I always say, you know, these big, glorious, beautiful birds. And we're, like, walking around looking at the tigers and looking at the goats and going, but they don't fly. Why should I fly? Because you're a bird. That's why you should fly.

That is awesome. And I love that we all have different interests, you know, we all, you know, and it's like when you sit down with yourself and you journal, you know, it's funny that you said that, because I was just journaling this morning, and it's like I looked at where I want to go. What's calling me? It's me. Like, there's so many things that it's just me. Like, not everybody would be interested in the things that I'm interested in. Some people might think I'm nutty. Some people might be in the lines. But it's like, the beauty of it is it's my design, it's my vision. Who cares if it's the right thing, the wrong thing? Who cares what somebody's going to think? It's like, whatever, this is what I'm doing.

Absolutely. The other thing that comes up in that dynamic is that you may overlook something incredible that you're supposed to be doing because you think it's average or normal, because it feels normal to you, because it is you. And that's when you need some perspective. That's when you need to talk. That's when you need to get in with some other women who are on your side, who don't have an ulterior motive that might be negative, who really just want to see sisterhood and see you thrive and put it out there so that you can have reflected back to you just how unique what your average and normal really is.

I love that. Because our average and normal is probably our genius.

It is. Because it's just so like, my mom. I'll say something sometime. My mom will say, I can't Believe you said that. And I'll say, what do you mean? And she said, well, that's just so unusual. I've never heard that before. And I think to myself, that's just so common and average. I think that all day long. So for me it is common and average and everyone is different. Everyone's gift feels like that Nobody like makes their painting and then goes, oh my God, look at this. I'm so magnificent. You know what I mean? We see it in others. It's really hard to see it in yourself.

So then in that you just keep, keep showing up as yourself and then you're not really doing it for external validation anyways, right? You're just doing it because it's within you to do like, it's just your gift to give.

What's interesting is the external validation will come and you won't need just, it's like, it's an interesting thing and it's nice because you'll need that shell, honestly. Because also along with the external validation will come the external criticism. And you need to be uninfluenced by both. So when someone is just worshiping you and they've fallen at your feet, you need to say, hey, you know, get up, no pedestals, stand next to me. And when someone is, you know, telling you what an idiot you are and how, how horrible your stuff is, you can just say, thank you for sharing, nice to meet you. You know, it's like someone hands you a pile of crap, what are you gonna do? You're gonna say, no thank you and you keep walking, right? It's like that kind of thing. So you, you get immune to that. And no, it's not for any outside thing. It's for this inner sense that you know when you're on purpose, you're expressing your gifts in a way that feels good and that isn't depleting to you and it serves others. When all of those things are present, you're fully fulfilled and then the other things happen. It's great to have a bunch of followers on whatever and make a lot of money and get a lot of attention, then that's all great. But if that is your goal and motivation, it won't be real. And in this type of world, it might work on reality television, but in a service oriented world it doesn't work because people can. Our hearts are wise. I know if your heart's in what you're sharing with me or not. And I know if you're just sharing me to like, you know, pump it up and Sell a bunch of products or something and I might, you might get me once, probably not me and you might get a customer once, but you actually will not have a relationship or have a fulfilling future or have the connection. So it really pays off to just go with the authenticity and dip into becoming excellent at what your gift is because you're never going to be excellent at what you're mediocre at. So if you're, you know, like kind of okay at drawing and then you take a bunch of classes and try to become a world class artist, you're not because somebody else is already really gifted at that and they love it and have a passion for it and they will be. Follow your gift, follow your passion and turn it into excellence and everything follows.

So I recently read, I don't know if it was a recent blog, but you know, I was just perusing your blog as I do just, you know, if you just want to connect to awesome wisdom, go to her blog. Just go, just even look at her. And you're like, oh, I feel renewed. But you were saying that you had stopped doing coaching and that you weren't doing as much and it's kind of like letting go of things and you can only do a certain amount of things. Great. So can you just talk about, you can use the coaching example or whatever comes to you, but just on that willingness to hone in on our greatness versus trying to do 500 million things.

Well, yeah, I had a, I've had. My coaching has changed a couple of times. When I started out, I wanted to have this big thriving coaching practice and it was a great goal. But when I got there, I give my all. Like when I coach, I'm preparing a half an hour before, I'm working an hour after the session. So it would really. And I give everything. So it would really. It started to take a lot. It started to take a lot of time. It started to take a lot of energy. And I started to realize that there are a lot of things that I wasn't doing because I didn't, I couldn't fit it all in. And that's the point that people usually double down and they do more and they work harder and they cut corners and they maybe shorten the coaching period by a certain amount and then maybe cut off an hour of that. And I don't, I can't do that and feel like I'm in integrity with what I'm capable of. For me, my bar for successful coaching is that I gave my all. So that really wasn't an option, and I wasn't willing to deplete myself. And then on top of that, there was this whole group of women who were basically shut out because my coaching fees were really high. And it wasn't just the hour again. I was giving two and a half hours every time I was coaching. So I really put a high price on my coaching, and that made a lot of people unable to afford me. And so I was looking at kind of, I could stay here and I could do this. But I had these desires I wanted to share. I wanted to write more, to express more. I wanted a greater sisterhood. I wanted to try new things. And it was really challenging because I can't tell you how many people I know who would give everything they had to have a full coaching practice, charging incredible amount of money, having a waiting list, and being able to just show up and do what they love, because I did love it. And that's it. And it was that kind of tension again. Am I gonna. Will I give up something good for the potential of something better? And I have no idea what that better could be, right? Because I didn't have it. But I knew that what I was doing wasn't working. And I also knew that I didn't want to wait until I destroyed myself to change. So I closed my practice, and I was like, people, you know, I have friends are like, are you nuts? And even sometimes I would look at myself and go, you know, you lost your mind. Lost your mind. Because I didn't know what I was doing yet. And again, I had the resources to do it. I wasn't gonna. You know, I wasn't feeding my family and risking that again. I'm still very pragmat. But when I let it go, my radio show came in on Hay House, and new things came in, and I was able to start reaching thousands of people. And I was slammed straight into the brick wall of my discomfort. I was terrified. I didn't want to get on the radio. Who knows how to do a radio show? There's nobody there. You talk to yourself for a whole hour. What if you don't know what to say? What if you have a cough or what if you sneeze? I mean, like, I was, like, in my head with radio, but it opened up everything, transformed my entire life. And giving up the known for the unknown, that was just. I just had, like, welling up inside of me was the right thing to do. And then last summer, again, it was about this time last year, I went out to my friends in Iowa and I was sitting there, and it was like, you need to get off the radio show. And you love coaching, but even the clients you have, it's not going to work anymore. You need to get off the clock. You need to get off the calendar. And I couldn't understand. I understand what exactly? Again? But I've learned. I kind of walk with intuition, and I've learned that I can do this. And so I called Diane at Hay House Radio, and I said, you know, I need to end my show. And I just did it, like, 40th episode, just came back from Iowa, did my last show, and I was sitting there going, now what have you done? Like, you know, look, June, you're a genius. But that's when the Beautiful Life school idea came to me, and I was thinking, okay, so I can teach courses that are available on demand. I can coach groups, and so I can talk to all kinds of women who I've never been able to talk to before. The women who are really need what I have. Rather than coaching someone who's making six, seven figures a year and can afford me like that, I can now get down where I was with women and actually make a difference. That. That gives me such a sense of meaning. And so I put this whole thing together, and I thought, well, now this is why you did it. Because this school was seeking to be birthed through, and now you're able to serve all these people, and it's this beautiful manifestation. And then my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And what the school and that transition had done for me was make me able to be the one to drive her to every doctor's appointment, to be available 24 hours a day. She lives with me. I have no calendar. I have no schedule that stops me from being able to care for her and to take care of this terrible summer. We've been to the doctor 200 times since March, more than 200 times. I've been there every single time. I haven't lost anything or had my business suffer or had to close anything. As a result, something was moving and conspiring with me to help me prepare for what was coming. And so I feel so grateful, so happy. And I'm so committed to listening to that inner voice and to following and to being willing to giving up something good for the potential of something better. And I don't want it to sound dire, like, well, I don't want to do that because I don't want to have some horrible illness come for someone I love. It's not about that. The first time it was, you know, I gave up my full coaching practice and had this beautiful expansion out into a more public way of being, which was a personal thing of mine because I grew up, you know, hiding. So to be out talking to people and, like, standing in my curly hair was, like, major for me. Small, but for me, that was huge.

Yeah.

And then to have this business that allows me and these women in this beautiful life. School ended up being this sisterhood that carried me through this year. So there's this perfection out there, this current that if we get in touch with our heart and our truth and our inner being and connect with that current and trust, everything flows, everything has this, like. It's this beautiful symphony. And you see one note and you're like, oh, that just sounds like. But when you look back on it and you can hear it all together, it's incredible, Right? So, yeah. Be willing. Be willing to give up something good for the potential of something bad, or be willing to something crappy in the case of relationships, or the potential of something better.

Right. And the better. And then there's the. Yeah, I love that. Just because there's the trust. The trust that it is all unfolding with divine perfection, that there's something conspiring for your good. And. And sometimes the good might be challenging and you might have, you know, as your mother's challenges. You know, like, that may call us to just trusting the whole process. As you were just talking about, it's like, what if we just trusted? Like, what would our lives look like?

It's interesting because when something horrible happens, the initial reaction is, I can't trust. Nothing's there for me, nothing loves me, or this couldn't have happened. And that was my initial thing. I had, like, this crisis of faith where I had to really look back on everything that I do. I believe what I believe because how could this happen? And I really was able to reason and feel through it in time because it came to me that, you know, life is about learning. Our souls are evolving. We have. In my way of believing, we have contracts, soul contracts. We agreed to show up, to be taught by people and to teach other people and to walk with other people. And that's the nature of life now, how we walk through that life, that's our choice. And I could choose right now to be alone, angry, kind of pissed off at everything, and rattle the cages as we roll through this time, or I could choose to be open to what life is offering me. I could be a willing and eager learner. I could be Forgiving. I could be kind. I could let myself be broken open so more light shines through so I'm softer inside. Take whatever's coming through it. And in those times where I really surrender, and I don't know why I keep learning this, because I know this so well. In the times that I completely surrendered, things would dramatically improve. When I'm trying to make it work, when I, you know, I have a law degree, I'm really smart, I know how to get things done. I can use my feminine wiles and my masculine muscle. You know, here I am, you know, I'm the one stop shop, right? And I would go in and I'm trying to make it happen. I'm trying to get things done. I'm trying to get A to talk to B and solve it and everything. And at the point of overwhelming, well, when I throw my hands up in the air and go, you know what? It's too much for me. I surrender it. I'm only human. I release it. God, walk me through this order, my steps. Show me the way. Everything changes. And it happens every single time. I don't know why I still need to do the, like, muscle fight or whatever. I'm trying, like, my next stage of evolution is just to always be in that let go. And that's the truth. To always be in the love, to never doubt, even in the pain.

Because you've had some pain. I mean, you've had. I mean, I think about the pain that you've had, especially with your husband, and I literally can't breathe, like, thinking about that, you know, it's like, oh, my. I mean, that is enough to not want to surrender and to kind of say, screw life and I. I don't.

Want it, you know, that's exactly right. And that's. That's the struggle that I've had. And I can tell you, having been through it many times now, it's not when you don't learn to surrender, even when you're in pain, you learn to surrender, especially when you're in pain. It's the solution. And it seems so counterintuitive, and it is. It's illogical, but it's the heart logic. It's not mind logic. So it's good. I'm happy. And boy, the lessons and the unfurling and the growth and the love that has come out of this time is breathtaking. And I'm so glad that I'm not wearing a cloak of bitterness so that I can see it, because I think we often cover ourselves in Resentment and bitterness and victimhood and. And we live in this Facebook culture. We only see the happy faces. Everybody in the world is living a fabulous life. Unless you're watching the news, right? Which then is like, you're paranoid and afraid.

Yeah.

Totally mental manipulation all the time. But everyone you know is having a wonderful life. Just look on Facebook, right? So you're the only one suffering. And that's the temptation, and that's the unfortunate part of the way that we're inauthentic in our connection now. But there's so much good tucked into those heartaches. And if you can keep that your focus, and if you can say, I'm a willing and eager learner, show me. Because I don't want to keep learning the same lesson or have it keep presented to me. I keep being presented to me. I'm ready. I surrender. I'm here. I'm open. Have at it. Have me. That's when things change and you get this confidence, like, you get this sense about life. I do not care what problem anyone has with anything I'm doing anymore, because I've been in the life or death situation more than once, witnessing it. I know what matters. I know what people want when they're lying on their deathbed. I know that they don't care about any of the petty things that we're having anxiety over. And I know that anyone who ever had a natural negative thought about them isn't even registering what they want. More time, more love. More time, more love. I want to. I want to live. I wanted to give. I wanted to be with. That's where I'm at. And that's how I'll invest my life. And it's funny, we have this saying in my school. It's an abbreviation. Dgaf. Don't give a. That becomes the mantra for much of life because you are no longer trembling in the corner or consumed by petty stuff. It's just on with it. It's time to live.

It is time to live. I love that.

Yeah. Because there's no other time.

I know, right? I mean, it's just like I have this flash often. I'm like, seriously. I mean, I'm gonna worry about this or analyze this. And it's like, I am going to die one of these days, and it's not gonna. I'm not gonna be. I'm gonna be pissed that I didn't do this, you know? And it's like, come on. It's just. Yes, Amen for that. What is it? Don't dg.

D, G, af. We're actually getting T shirts because it's like our little mantra. Because, you know, we have girls who go to women who go to work and there's, you know, there's some office person who's just like, got it in for them and they're niggling and they're doing all this little stuff and I'm like, you know what? I want to give you some altitude. I want you to back up and get a view over your life. Do not let this person squander your value, most precious resource. You wouldn't let them take your money and charge on your credit card, but you're letting them take your life. Back it up. Dgaf. You know, the priority card, the priority list is so small when you really get down to it.

Yeah, totally, totally. And we for. We can forget that in the drama. And it's like, what life. I mean, we're breathing like this is.

That's why your champions are so important. That's why the process you do, the daily kind of getting centered and looking at what you're hanging on to and what you might need to let go is incredibly powerful because you are using the greatest commodity you will ever have. You're using it right now every single moment of your life. Get conscious about that. Don't waste it.

Yeah. And I find that I have to do it every day.

I do too. It's like showering, right?

Yeah.

It's like, give me a shower.

It's just like I have to remind myself. And people, people say to me, oh, it must be nice, whatever. They have the story about me and my life and it's like, no, I have to show up. If I don't show up and do these and remind myself what's important on my whiteboard right now, it says, family is my why, my why is family. Everything is family. So I have to remind myself that otherwise you do squander your time and you have to invest it in the things that are most important.

And it's easy to slip into the unconscious and to just be rote and reactive. It's natural. It's what we default to because it's kind of. We're not really taught yet. I'm excluding your children because I know they'll be taught first. We're not really taught to be self aware and to be conscious and to let that be okay. That it's okay to have independent thought and that you need to check in with yourself. And it's not this overindulgent parenting style. That raises kids that are myopic and think they're the only people on the planet. It's raising compassionate, conscious children and compassion. All of every. Every quality you want to see expressed out into the world starts in here. If you cannot handle it and wield it competently within yourself, what makes you think that you can go out and express it in the world? Right? And so, yeah, that's huge and important. I'm happy that you do that.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I love you.

You know I love you. This is my favorite thing to do. I like to get excited when it comes on.

So thank you so much for just your willingness to share your story and your journey and your challenges and just your. Your glowing, gorgeous God essence. Like, it's so pure and so real that it's, you know, I mean, what you say is important, but just your vibration is uplifts.

Thank you. I'm glad. I'm glad that I'm open. That's really important to me. That's my measure of success. Was I open? Was I honest? Did I give way and let it come through without judgment?

Beautiful. So beautiful. I feel like I keep saying beautiful in this interview and I don't know if I know.

I'm like.

I don't normally say. I don't know if I normally say that. Maybe I do. But obviously I'm tuning into your beautiful life.

It's better than. Hmm, Interesting.

That's really interesting. Okay, so where do people find out about creating more of a beautiful life and tune into you and your programs?

Oh, sure. My website with my blog is cynthiaochelli.com so that's just my first and last name. And then. And the beautiful life school is just@beautifullifeschool.com if you're interested. It only opens once or twice a year because I really run it on an authentic, authentic authenticity. I run it with my spirit. Like, I gotta be 100% or I don't open it for the next class. And so you can get on the list and then I'll send you a notice of when it does open. And then, of course, I'm on Facebook and I share stuff every day. I love to be there because I like to. I like feedback. I like the reciprocity of connection. So. And that's@facebook.com life blog. And if you get on cynthiaocelli.com and just sign in for the free newsletter, you'll know everything. And it's pretty good.

Yummy. Fantastic. Lots of love.

You too.

Thank you. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess Sitting sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess. Com. Until next time, keep rocking it and have an awesome.