Your Desire Map with Danielle LaPorte

Welcome to Mama Goddess. I'm your host, Alexandra J. Johnson. This podcast is all about rocking your goddess life, creating vibrant health and celebrating motherhood and family life. It's about living an authentically awesome life. Let's have some fun. Today we have a rocking guest, Danielle Laporte. Danielle is amazing. I love her. She's the creator of the Desire Map, the Firestarter sessions, your big beautiful book plan, and she is also an inspirational speaker and she writes weekly@DaniellePorte.com and she's a former think tank exec and business strategist. Boom. How you doing? Welcome, Danielle.

Good morning. Good day.

So I just gotta appreciate you because I love your energy, I love your style. I would love to appreciate you because I think you're fantastic. I love your style, I love your flavor. I love how you're just like, no bs, bring it straight up. This is the deal. And you're just authentically you. You know, you just really bring you, like, I feel like I really get to know you. So I am thrilled to be chatting with you today and thank you for all of your awesome work. Thank you.

Thanks for that. That was lovely. It's a great way to start the day.

Yummy. So let's start with desire.

Yes.

What is desire? You created the desire map. You can talk about that. And just like, what is desire and why is it important for, for us to live a pleasure filled life?

I think desire is everything. I think it's an evolutionary impulse. I think everything you do is because you desire it some way. You have a thought whether that's, you know, I desire a shower, I desire to eat. You know, it's the basic primal, banal survival stuff and it's the creativity stuff. It's the home you're living in. It's the reason art is made. It's the reason babies are made. Desire is the life force moving through you. It's a very big deal. It's such a big deal. We don't even, we don't recognize, you know, like we're fish. You know, like fish don't see the water around them. You know, we swim in desire and we're oblivious to it or not.

And do you think that we know what our desires are? Like, it seems like desire is this kind of like far out there idea. Like, do we actually stop and say, what do I want? Do most people do that?

Not often enough. I think part of being conscious is stopping and saying, I don't want this, I want that, or I want this more than anything, or this is How I want to feel. I think being really awake is about knowing how you want to feel. That's what the whole desire map thing is about, is getting clear about how you want to feel. Because whether it's what you eat or what you're picking out of your closet that day or who you want to be with, it's a desired feeling that you're going after.

So.

And I'm getting, you know, the more and more I get into this.

World.

Of desire and the psychology of it and the spirituality of it, like, the more I get clear that, or I think I'm clear that, like, every desire counts. And so there's so much judgment that comes with desire. You know, cravings. You know, the Buddhists love to talk about the darkness of cravings. And I think there is darkness to cravings. I don't think that's, you know, there's a level of desire that is not our enlightened, our whole selves, but even those, if you study them, if you stop in them, they will lead you home. So your darkest cravings will tell you the truth about what you really want, about your heart desire.

So on that, I'm curious because there's like, what about. Because I know pleasure and desire kind of get a bad rap sometimes, you know, and it's like all like, you love alcohol and then you become an alcoholic. Like, how does. Like, what's underneath that? And I know it's different for every person, but what about those type of cravings? Or you end up being £300 because you love and desire food?

Yeah, this is a perfect question for this. So it's like, Just call them dark cravings. So they're cravings that aren't making your life any better. Their addiction has a blindness to it. There's a relentlessness to it. There's things you will not face. Let me just say that again. With addiction, there are things you are not facing.

That's why it grips you.

And when you stop, to use your terminology, when you stop. And that was insane. I'm addicted to the booze because it's numbing the pain of the wound that occurred.

When.

That'S evolutionary, that helps. That helps loosen the grip of addiction. And then you can move into the lightness. And I don't mean light. You know, light and easy and cute, but like the light, the wholeness, the divinity of the desire, which is I want love. So I'm going to stop numbing out with booze, and I'm going to find healthy ways to get love. Yeah, but you know, your example of, like, booze and eating is really powerful examples because, you know, like, both you and I, you know, we kind of run in, like this wellness circle, right? I'm so sick of wellness people. I am so sick of being healthy. I'm being facetious, but I just finished my green smoothie and you know, my wellness friends who are changing the world, I like, I bow to them. But have a glass of wine, get drunk, you know, smoke a fatty. Like whatever. It is just we.

We are.

Wellness has become another form of Baptist, kind of evangelical and. Yeah, have fun. Have some fun. Have some fun and drink a smoothie.

That's all.

It's all good.

It's all good. Like, have all of it, right? Like kind of the light in the dark. And.

And this is the essence of tantra, which is another big fat fucking misunderstanding in our society. Tantra is not about, you know, a timed orgasm. It is not about orgies. It is not about polygamy necessarily. None of which are my thing. It is about the allness, the fullness. It is about, have the smoothie, love the smoothie. Have the wine, love the wine. Have the cigarette. Love the cigarette, love it. Until it's not good for you anymore. It's like, I love a good smoke. I can't smoke because it creates this veil. I can't feel my senses anymore, you know, wreaks havoc on my body. But when I have the odd cigarette, oh, it's ecstatic. But it's ecstatic because I have no judgment about it.

That's what I was going to ask.

Loving this smoke.

Yeah. So judgment, because I think that's so big. Because we can say, oh, I love to have chocolate or I love to smoke or whatever. But then we have all of our stories and resistance and I shouldn't be doing this. And if I really had my shit together, I wouldn't be doing this. So what do we do about that mental chatter?

Tell it to fuck right off.

Yeah.

You have to combat that kind of chatter. I mean, I'm into compassion across the board. Right. So you need to. Compassion with that chatter will help. It will calm it down. It's like that's in, like, inflamed monkey mind, you know? So just saying thank you doesn't fully solve the problem. You have to go, wow, wow, Danielle, on it. You're so judgmental. You're so hard on yourself. Now stop. Now stop. Let's get on with things. Let's get on with living.

Yeah, yeah.

Or love being bad.

Yeah.

To still run with this, like, green smoothie and cigarette metaphor. Like, you know, I'm at the tail end of a divorce, and, you know, I'm through the worst part of it now. But, like, there were times over this, you know, earlier this year, where it's like, I had friends over, and I'm, like, drinking a smoothie and smoking a cigarette and blowing the smoke in my kitchen window at the same time. It's like, do you think. Do you think these are conflict together? But it's what I needed. I needed the nutrients and I needed the cigarette.

Yep. I love it. So the feelings you were talking about, like, how we want to feel, and I don't think that's a question that we ask, and we don't wake up and say, oh, how do I want to feel? And I know core desired feelings are huge in your desired map. Can you talk a little bit about that and how we connect to how do we want to feel?

Well, it's revolutionary. It's the most. I think it's the most revolutionary question you can ask. How do I want to feel today? So you have clarity. You may feel lost. You may not have an answer, but just the fact that you're asking kind of has you sit up straight in your life, and it all gets back to that. So, you know, we tend to wake up, we tend to plan our day, our careers, our business, plans our holidays on. Just like, we're kind of in this matter up here, you know, or this, you know, if you. It's the outer veil. Oh, I should go here. I heard that was a good place to go. Or I should want to make a million bucks. Everybody wants to make a million bucks now. Or I should want to be with someone like that. I would look good with someone like that. So it's all out here, and maybe all those things are great. Maybe that place to vacation is great. Maybe that kind of person is the right person for you. But who cares if you're not gonna feel good when you're with that person or you're on a holiday? So why don't you increase your chances of fulfillment by asking yourself how you want to feel? Because it's all about that anyway. And I think, you know, there's a lot of people who can relate to this story of you set a goal and you get there, and when you arrive, you're like, meh, meh. It's not that awesome. Or it's not as. Maybe it's not that as bad. It's just not as great as you thought it would. Be, it's not like light in your fire. And that's a bummer. And if you know how you want to feel, you would chase different things. And maybe you won't even chase them. You'll allow them. So no guarantee with like aspirations that they're going to be fulfilling. But you really increase your odds of fulfillment when you're clear on what you want to feel and why you're going after something.

So I love that. I think it's so beautiful too. Like really tuning into that feeling and getting down to the core of what do we really want? What do we do when we do that? We feel into it. We're like, I really want that. But everything in us tells us that's not logical, that's not rational. What do we do with these shoulds and kind of the things, the resistance that we have for fully opening up and saying, this is the life I want.

Okay, step one. I'm not really into steps, but let's just give this a step. Okay, step one, know that that's natural. So like you're gonna have a big dream, like I want to win the Oscar. And then all these voices are gonna come in about why you don't deserve that, why the odds are stacked against why it's never gonna happen. It's going to happen. You're gonna have resistant thoughts, you're gonna have fears come up. So if you're thinking you can have big desires and there's not gonna be resistance, like, forget it. It's part of the pack, it's part of the program. So once you know that, you can kind of get off your case. And then you have to really, really want it. Like really want it. Like want it. You have to want it more. You gotta want to be thin. Let's just say I don't like to use diet metaphors, but there I go. You gotta want to be thin more than you want to stay home. You want to, you gotta want to live a bold life more than you want to be comfortable. There's no, you know, like, I used to do a lot of coaching with entrepreneurs, do these one on one phone sessions and I would, you know, there's lots of people who, they get really clear on the goal, on the dream. And then all the buts would come in, but this, but that, but I don't have the funding. But I go, well, you don't want it bad enough. And they'd be like, depending on who I was talking to. I mean, that sounds really tough love. There was lots of love and Compassion through those calls for sure. But that's what it came down to. Do you want it? If you're complaining, if you're bitching about what it's going to take to get there, you do not want it bad enough, period.

That's awesome. Because there's so many, and this is great, where it comes back to the core desired feelings. Because there's so many things that we say we want but we're not willing to do what it will take. Right? Yeah.

Or, or you're not anchored into it enough. You haven't become. You have, you have. You're not embodying that desire. You don't really believe that you can get it. Look, if you don't feel worthy of it, it's not going to come. You know, let's use like falling in love as a great example. So many people falling in love or having the ultimate relationship. If you're in relationship. Right. So you can say, let me see, what would. We would say? We want the ultimate love. We want the ultimate love. But to get the ultimate love, I would have to. I have to open up. I have to get over some wounds. I want to like shed a few pounds. I should really clean out my closet. I should feng shui. I should get that shit out of my bedroom so someone actually wants to come into it. I should make space in my life. Okay, so if you aren't really feeling deserving, if you don't really, really want it all, those are going to be complaints. If you really want it all those are gonna be like this divine to do list. You're gonna be like, okay, I'm gonna clear out my closet. I'm gonna make room for a lover to come into my home. I'm finally gonna lose weight. I'm gonna do this, you know, like, I'm gonna go get a facial. Whatever it is, they become calls to action. You're excited. You're getting ready for your prayer to be answered.

Woo. I mean, I totally got goosebumps. Like, I love that. The divine to do list. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, I gotta write about that then.

Yes.

Divine to do list.

That's great because it is so many. Because I think there's so many people that especially are tuning into this too. There's the to do list and I know I have that. Sometimes I look at my to do list and I'm like, oh my God, it's never ending and I don't want to do it. I just want to lay in bed and, and my husband's really great at saying Babe, get in bed. Do it. Like, don't do those things. But I know for so many of us, we don't have divine to do this.

Well, let's just do a little psychotherapy with you right now. So, like, what's the heaviness around your to do list?

I just always feel like there's, like, so much to do, and I don't like doing little stuff. Like, I look at it, I'm like, oh, God, I have all these little things to do. Call this person, make an appointment. I just don't like those things. I want to be in the big thinking and, like, the creating, and I want it all to be fun.

It's great desire. You want it all to be fun. So I'm just gonna, like, put words in your mouth. Let's just say one of your core desired feelings is fun, or it's play or it's venture or it's lightness or something like that. So there's ways to apply your core desired feelings to the mundane. So how can you make those things fun? So you should probably spend 80% of your time in bed and then just 20% doing the things that you have to do to create structure to be successful. So I'll use myself as an example.

So.

So one of my core desired feelings is in communion. Like, I want to feel connected. I want to feel connected to who I'm talking to. I want to be madly in love. I want to, like, feel connected to the cause. Like, yeah, everything, right. So if I don't feel connected, I don't do it. That's it. I don't resonate with this. I don't get what you're saying. And I. I don't understand your brand, you know, so it's a no. And I used to really judge myself and think, well, that's not really compassionate. Like, but it's like, no, I want to resonate. I want to live a life of resonance. So I just say yes to things that I relate to. Yeah. Yeah.

And do you find that now that you have that. That there's fewer things that you say yes to?

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Well, now, you know, I learned early on in my career that I should. That saying no to 80% of what came my way was really sort of the equation for success. And that means, you know, that 20%, that's like, juicy stuff you say yes to. There's got to be resonance. It's got to fit with calendars and all that kind of stuff. So it's like, gotta have heart and Practicality with it.

And.

Yeah, stop with the obligations. I don't want to do anything that feels like an obligation. Nothing? Nothing. Feeding my kid, you know, people would say, what about the practical stuff? It's a choice. It's a choice for me to feed my child nourishing meals. It is a choice to make sure he gets educated. Those aren't obligations. Those are choices. Making sure my mom's okay. That's a choice.

Yeah.

Anything that feels like an obligation. Oh, I should.

Should.

No, no, that's awesome.

I love that. The choice. That's huge, right? Of making that mind shift. Of like, okay, great. I don't have to call the dentist if I don't want to. I have that choice.

You have a choice.

Forced to do anything.

Everybody who's listening now, watching, like, look at everything that's on your plate and do the obligation. Check. Obligation. I said yes because I thought I should.

I should. I should.

And usually what's behind the should is you want to be loved, you want to be liked, you don't want to be hate hated. You don't want to be disliked. You want someone to think ill of you.

Yeah.

And I'm all for, like, integrity and nobility and community, too. Right. Like, sometimes you go, You, You. You go to that event because that is the loving thing to do, but you're choosing to be loving.

Right. And you make that choice empowered, not.

Yeah, I love that.

I love. That's a beautiful word choice. Having the choice.

Yeah.

I love that. And I love that you said, too, like, fun and playful is one of mine too, because I definitely, as I did your desire map, like, that was, like, coming up, like, I want everything to be fun. I want to play. And so I've been experimenting with, you know, the things that you have to do, like, how can I really have fun? Like, there's no reason that I can't have fun doing all of it. Right. Yeah, we just connect to those feelings.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

So how does somebody go about. Well, first I want to ask on contentment. Contentment and gratitude just came up, you know, because there's a lot of. There's a lot of talk of feeling super grateful and content with what you have. So how do we. What's your thought on that?

Yeah. Two very different concepts. Gratitude and contentment are not the same thing at all.

Yes.

I don't want to feel content. Boring. Boring. I want to feel thrilled. I. Content. I'm content. You know, it's like when someone says, I witness you say, someone, how are you can't complain. I go, is that the best you got about your life? And like, maybe that is the best that you've got right then. And like that is cool. Cool things suck and you're not going to complain. Wow, that's like an empowered place to be.

Right?

But so I don't think gratitude is about being happy or satisfied with what you've got. I think it's about being grateful for what you've got. So like, I am not satisfied with the psychological pain that I have about certain things. The broken heartedness or struggles with time management, whatever those painful things in my life, I'm not content with those at all. I'm grateful for them. I'm deeply grateful for them. They are teachers. They are signs that I am awake and they point the way to more. They point the way to more. So thank you for this. But thank you and I'm moving on. Thank you. And I'm not going to just be satisfied with this. I want to be healed. I want to be free. Yeah. I want what I want. So on. Contentment comes back on gratitude. And I'm like all about gratitude. And I've heard this is kind of a new thing I'm hearing like a new meme out there is people knocking gratitude. I think it's cool to knock gratitude as like gratitude lists.

They don't work.

Yeah, they do. I would love to debate someone about this. Gratitude is a chemical substance in your brain. Gratitude is a rung on the ladder of enlightenment. Gratitude expands. You go, gratitude.

And I love gratitude.

Gratitude, right. So that's where contentment comes in.

Yeah, the gratitude too, when you're talking about is. And which I love is you bring it back to the feeling. So like feeling the emotional aspect of gratitude. Because I think some people might get into. And I know I've noticed that before. If I start listing things and it's an intellectual thing, not really like feeling it in my body. Like I am grateful for my husband. I, you know, like you can literally feel the tears and like the emotion. But if I'm just like, oh, I'm grateful for my husband. That's why your feelings is so powerful, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And I really wish I could cite the author of this book, but there's a great gratitude book out there written by a man, sorry, forgetting his name, who talks about the power of being specific with your gratitude. So let's say you're thinking about being grateful for Brian. This intellectual exercise up here is like, I'm grateful for my husband. And maybe you feel A bit of softness about that. But if you're thinking I'm grateful for the way he looks at me and I'm grateful for his energy when he walks in the house. I'm grateful for how not just that he takes the baby from me for a break, but like how he takes the baby. Like, whoa, whoa. The chemicals really get flowing when you're really specific about grateful.

Yeah. Do you think that it's different for men and women? Do you think men and women have difference with desire? Is there a different take on that? What do you think?

Wow, that's a great question. I know. Let's think about this. What do you think? Everybody, let's think together. Is it different? No. No, that's my answer. We're probably grateful for different things. Like men are probably grateful. I'm so glad she stopped talking. I'm so glad she's not on my case. We're not going to have a deep discussion about this right now. I think we're grateful for different things because we have different hot buttons, you know, but gratitude feels the same in your body. I think it's the same chemistry. I think it has the same effect. Yeah.

So what about the divine feminine? I know that's one of your. Maybe it's not still, but it was, you know, in your book that that was a core feeling for you, desire feeling. Can you talk about that more like the divine Feminine? Because I think for so many of us women, we are hungry for that. Not everyone, but there is this element of. Yeah, the divine feminine. So how can we connect more to that?

Yeah, I'm into it. We can connect more to that by believing or even just considering the notion that femininity is a very powerful, powerful thing. That it's not weakness. I mean, you know, the bill of goods we've been sold around the emotionality of women and men have a head for business. And I mean, that still is prevalence, a strong word, but it's still in the convert, in the current conversation. Yeah, all that shit around weakness, around femininity that just needs to be washed. I mean, any kind of meditation, visualization, just washing those thought forms away. You know, I had a really powerful moment. My business. This was a long time ago, you know, eight years ago. My. The business I had founded was falling apart and lots of pain and conflict and lots of tears and lots of legal bills and it was bad, bad, bad. And I was having lunch with a friend who was a coach, and she kind of pulled out her coaching wand and said, you know, maybe this is all about you and the sacred feminine and you bringing your femininity to bear. And I was just like, gong. You know, I was like. I was like in this cone of silence in this busy restaurant, me bringing my femininity to bear. And I didn't even understand it at the time, but it hit me because I think part of how I got myself in the pickle that I was in was I didn't honor myself. I didn't honor my femininity. I would have, you know, I didn't honor my intuition. I didn't honor what my body was telling me. I didn't honor that. You know, I'm quite soft spoken. Like, my words have weight to them. But I don't want to have to raise my voice in meetings. I want to be in environments where people lean in to listen. It's okay to be soft. That love is part of the bottom line. This is part of the conversation. I never want to. You know, I know that some people, the energy, you know, our chemistry isn't quite right. And I'll go into, like, that kind of masculine mode. And I can feel my voice changes. I can feel my throat. You know, I start to. I'm just a little harsher there. And I don't like that. I don't like who I am. That's not me. I want to be all of me. So, yeah, and for me, that's the divine feminine. And I mean, we go even deeper. We could talk for hours about this, but the divine feminine is shakti. It is the life force that animates all things. It is the root of creation. It all begins with the feminine. Yeah, I love that.

And I think it's so powerful, too, to bring. Which I love that you bring the feminine to the business, because I know, you know, we have our business, and I bring different gifts than Brian does. And I know for me, it's been a process of, like, what am I bringing? And I think women, what are we bringing to the conversation? And really valuing it. Like you were saying, my intuition and my softness and my compassion. I can sometimes look at Brian. That's been a process because he is super awesome business dude. I'm like, I need to be more like Brian. And he's always like, we don't need two of us. It's like, really as women honoring our divine feminine. Don't you think that's super important?

Yeah, it's like, I'm not, like, I'm not a Trekkie. I wasn't like that into Star Trek. But, you know, There was that character on the TV show Troy, the woman who was an intuitive. She was the empath. And I just thought that's the business environment of the future where she was in on every meeting. She was. She was included. She was looked to for every decision. It's like, you know, they calibrate the data, they look at everything, and then they're like, Troy. And she'd be like, I'm getting a message, you know, and they would listen to what she'd say. And there's so many times. And not from like an arrogant place. I just want to say, why don't you just listen to what she's saying? You guys have not. It's the woman at the table who's thinking inclusively and intuitively. And it often. Not often. It can. Okay. Can often. It can frequently sound illogical. Intuition comes out of another realm. It's like, we should not price it at this. We should not launch then. I don't know why, but this is the feeling I'm having. And when you follow those feelings, you find out there was a reason you needed to price at that. There was a. There's all these things lined up. You go, wow, we're really glad we launched when the heart told us to launch. Yeah, yeah.

And I look at potentially some of our not great business partnerships. I always knew, like, I knew. I'm like, I don't like this person. Like you said, it wasn't like a yes for me. And there was no, like, you know, they seemed like they were perfect. Right. Perfect match. And it's just amazing to really trust that intuition.

It's amazing. It is amazing.

Yeah. Yeah. Very inspiring. And it's like you said, a different realm. It's a dig. And it comes and we. For me, it's always a process of really trusting that because it seems so irrational. Right. And we're very. For so many of us, we want to have it all, like, make sense and be figured out and linear.

Well, you know, you have to remember that, you know, intuition, it's thought of to come from the third eye.

Right?

So even if you think of it, I mean, if you think of it as embodiment, you know, you have your energy centers and something happens here. But even if you just. That doesn't. That system doesn't work for you. You can just think about it metaphorically. It is your third eye. Your instincts are the eye that cannot.

That.

That can see other things beyond deadlines and data and how someone looks and their business plan. It's like, I can see through all of that, and the answer is yes. And I can see through all of that, and the answer is no. But sometimes you don't know why. You know what's really powerful to say? Just. Cause just doesn't feel right. I don't know why.

But it's not the right day.

It's not the right idea. Because why'd you do it?

Because. And then just being comfortable with that. Right. Like, I don't have a reason. This is just. This is my decision. Choice.

Yeah. This is what feels right.

Okay, so in these interviews, I interviewed Lisa Schrader, and she was talking about, as we're talking about the divine feminine that you had referenced, the brittle woman. So can you talk about that and how we might become brittle and why we don't want to?

So after that interview, I wrote about this. So you can go to my site and just search brittle, and posts will come up. And I have been the brittle woman. I'm not that now. I know I see brittle women when I see them on the street. I know them and they give up, and it's sad. It's tired, Tired, tired women. We're all tired. I mean, we're all. For different reasons, right? And then babies come and relationship companies come, all that. But this is what happens when you get brittle. You let me work from the outside in. You stop caring about how you look. A beauty is a force. Beauty matters. Your version of beauty, it is not about whether you are thin or you are curvaceous or you're blonde or brunette or whatever, whatever. It's not about style. Style and beauty are very different things. But, wow, you've got to want to be beauty. You gotta want. Life's gotta matter, or you will get brittle. You get really bitchy towards the people who aren't giving you what you want. So brittle women demean their men and. Oh, my God, I mean, I'm sure we've all been at a dinner party or some group, something, where somebody, a woman says to her husband, something just like, well, you would know, you know, that kind of energy. And anybody with a heart at that moment goes, poor guy. And, you know, and anybody with a heart who's been there knows that all she wants, what she wants more than anything is love. And what she wants to be more than anything is loving. But, you know, when you're brittle, you're gripped. You can't. You almost can't stop yourself. And brittle women, they're just orchestrating all the time. All the time they're telling, this is How I see brittle motherhood telling your kid what to do constantly. It's always a no. And if it's a yes, it's a controlled yes. Just let them be. They have opinions. They have. You know, this is a slippery slope getting into parenting. But you're controlling. That's why you're brittle. You don't have that. That Shakti. It gets harder to get to. Yeah. So how do you become unbrail? That's like the most. The most important question now is get in touch with your desired feelings.

Yeah.

So it's a really hard process because you will feel undeserving, especially if you've been a bitch for a long time. And, you know, there's like, there's good bitches and there's brutal bitches. You want to be a good bitch, you want to be glennd in a good bitch. So if you've been in that bitchy mode, you're not gonna feel like you deserve love, and you're not gonna feel like you deserve fulfillment. And you're gonna be scared of being supple because you gotta break things to get all that. You're gonna feel like you will break to become soft. It's terrifying. And then you're going to be in this empty space, sort of the. You know, the Catholics would call it purgatory. The Buddhists would call it the Bardo. That in between place of your, you know, where you realize what you want and then there's getting what you want. And in between is just terror. How. How am I going to become that? How am I what. How am I gonna get my business off the ground? How am I gonna feel beautiful again? How am I going to attract the love? How am I gonna apologize to my kids? Oh, it's really hard. This is hard. This. This in between space is where heroes live, is where the goddess really becomes. She earns her. I don't know. What do goddesses have? We earn our. We earn our. Our fleece. We earn our togas. We earn our curves.

Yeah.

I love that.

The terror. You know, I have that in areas of my life right now. When you're talking about it, I'm like, I can feel. I can feel the resistance and the hardness and the fear just around it. It's not that big of a deal, but it feels like a courageous step into something unknown. I know what I know. I know how I've done is totally the heroine's journey. Yeah. And what has us. I think I already know your answer. But what has us make that leap like what pain? You have enough pain and you're willing to take the leap.

Yeah. I think once in a while you'll be so in touch with your desires that it will pull you across. You'll just be like, I want supple, I want free, I want love, I want to be met. I want the money, whatever it is, you know, and that will pull you forward. But most of the time it's probably just you're in such agony that you're going to make the change. But you have to get from agony to owning that desire as quickly as you can. So, you know, the circumstance is not working. It's excruciating. It's killing me. It's pinching me. I'm not the best lover, mother, business person, whatever. So ouch. And then you need to get to into dream mode right away, which is okay, this is what I want. Awesome mom, awesome. Lovership, business, whatever. And just stay in that desire. Desire, desire, desire. Look forward, look forward, look forward, look forward.

So how do you like personally, when you wake up, how do you use your core desired feelings? And how do you balance it all? You know, you have this amazing business and then your family, like, how does it all come together?

I'm clear about how I want to feel. And so I do a lot of things that are about feeling divinely feminine, you know, like this morning I have a new elliptical in my back room, right? And I'm on the elliptical and I'm listening to Sally Kempton talk about Shakti. And I've been doing these goddess meditations on my elliptical. That's all it takes. It's that simple. It's 15 minutes. That's what I'm going to do today or this week to be in my core desired feeling of divinely feminine. And I'm also, you know, gonna go get a haircut and I'm gonna check my email while I get a pedicure. Like what? It's those little things. I also use my core desired feelings as a prayer. So declaration, prayer. So, you know, at night I just say the words.

That's it.

In communion, joy, Shakti, abundance, creation. That's all. I say them when I wake up. And I don't do this all the time, by the way, because I forget, because I don't want to do everything, anything every day. So I'm not even obsessed with my own process. But, like, if I can remember to do that four days a week, things are better. Things are better, yeah. And then just on a really practical note, and this is really like Timely and relevant for me. I just got really real that the way I was managing my time probably for the last nine years wasn't really working. And that if I'm really devoted to my kid, it's like really not working. So I put my kid to bed around 9 o'. Clock. That really turns into 10 o'.

Clock.

I'm a nocturnal creature, so I feel like at 9:30 I wake up and I get this whole other day between 9pm and 1am and that probably is what's natural for my psyche and my body. But it doesn't work if you're a householder and you want operate in the real world. So now I go to bed at 9 o'.

Clock.

I cannot believe I just. Who said that? I cannot believe that's me. And I get up at 5am, 5, 5:30 and changed my life. It's only been a few weeks, so we could do an interview in three months from now and be like, oh.

That morning stuff, that's bullshit.

Morning people are crazy. But yeah. And the general consensus with moms, especially moms who are entrepreneurs. What mom isn't an entrepreneur? Right?

But oh my gosh, totally.

You have to have alone time. And if you do this nighttime thing, if you don't get up before your kids, you do not get it all day and you do not get it for weeks and weeks and weeks. So Even if it's 15 minutes in the shower, you've got to have it.

Amen. Amen. And I love. Somewhere I was reading you were just saying that you're more like introverted. Like you kind of like your own space. And I totally resonated with you because I am definitely like that and having children and you know, just my life is totally different now. I used to have plenty, an abundance of time.

What did you do with all that time?

Exactly, exactly. And I just love that, you know, you say that to really, really honor that alone time. Because it's so. Every time I get that alone time to just journal and just be with myself, I'm a better woman. Like better mother, better wife, like everything. And I think for so many of us women, we're not giving ourselves that time.

Well, you know the old metaphor, you hear this so much in like mommy circles, but my mom told me this. You know, you put on, when the plane is crashing, you put on your own oxygen mask first. And I mean practically, who's going to do that? You're going to put the mask on your kid first. But just go with that metaphor for a sec.

Really?

You Take care of yourself first. You are a better mom. You're a better person. You're more loving. The kid gets what they need. And your kid knows when you're stressed and you're pushing it. Your kid doesn't want what you're putting out anyway, so. Or your partner or whoever. Yeah, take the time. Beautiful.

So what about. Let's talk about work. People who, you know, work tends to kind of have. Not always, you know, I mean, but there's the idea that it's like, oh, I have to go to work. So how do we have more, like, pleasure with our work? Whether we're a business owner or an employee? Like, how do we bring more joy into that arena of our life?

Okay, well, declaration feeling I have to go to work is not a great way to live your life. So so many of us are entrained. Like, that's the way it is. It can't be any better. You gotta suck it up. You gotta endure, like, forget it. You're gonna spend a third of your life working. A third of your life working. Why not love it? So let's just say you're in a hellish job. So it's a job you need. We all need jobs. We all gotta, you know, have. We need money. You need to learn, find ways to love the hell that you're in. And that usually comes through some kind of moving from obligation to choice. So you wake up in the morning saying, I hate this job. I'm going to shitty job. I hate reframe. You're choosing to go to this job so that you can pay your rent and feed your children and save up for a vacation in Miami. You are choosing so that changes your energy completely. You will walk in, you might see something that you're grateful for. And maybe you can actually not learn to love, but actually genuinely come to love the place that you're in, or you're going to see more clearly. This is not fitting who you are in your life. You want more meaning, you want more money, Maybe you want less money and more creative fulfillment, freedom, whatever. And you'll make different choices. You'll find different opportunities to create different opportunities.

Yeah, beautiful. So how do we, like, you know, create different opportunities and how do we really make things happen? You know, like, you just get shit done. You're like, I'm doing it. And how do we channel that? How do we get to that place in our life where we're just like, you know what? I want this and I'm doing it and willing to work through it. Like where do we find that courage?

Yeah, there's a goddess of get shit done. Okay, so here's the goddess of get shit done.

She.

She doesn't wait to. She just, she launches. You know, I talk about this in my credo for making it happen video. Like just launch and learn. It's going to be a little half baked sometimes. She wants to move forward more than she wants to be stagnant. Like you gotta, you gotta be start to put yourself in that energy of forward moving as opposed to constricted, contracted, safe, staying right. You got to want to do this more and holy. You have to eat courage for breakfast. Have your courage smoothie every day because you're going to be scared. You're going to feel vulnerable, you're going to worry about what you're going to look like in every possible way. You're going to. Yeah, fear of failure is going to be there going. And you're gonna pick up the phone anyway. You're gonna be on the phone with fear of failure sitting right there and you're just gonna go, it's okay.

Shut up.

And yeah. And the goddess of getting shit done really deeply believes that she is worth stuff. That she, that her birthright is pleasure, that her birthright is fulfillment. That she deserves to have what she wants in life. She deserves it just because she wants it. So you can't question that.

And.

The goddess of getting shit done doesn't worry about dishes and or finds a way like if you need to have the dishes done for you to be creative, know that you're doing the dishes so you can be creative. You know, like this is what I.

Want to write about.

I'll tell you, the goddess of getting shit done does not have zero inbox as an aspiration. I need to write that down. All these ideas for posts. That is not a great goal in life. Who cares? Who cares about what's your. You know, Brendan Bouchard, this is brilliant. Says, you know, email is everybody else's agenda in your day. So let ship pile up so you can get the right shit done. You will disappoint people. The goddess of getting shit does. Doesn't mean you don't have emotion or feelings around it. But you become okay with letting a few people down so that you can please a lot more people much more deeply.

And please yourself. Right?

And please yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Fantastic.

I love it.

So what about our offering to the world? You know, like what. How do we find our creative spark and what we're here to give to the world?

Well, you know, that always overlaps with this notion of life purpose. And people get so bummed up about their life purpose. And first of all, it's. No one outside of you is going to tell you what your life purpose is except for me. I'll tell you just to be happy. You know, the Dalai Lama says the point of life is happiness.

Wow.

It's like that simple. So do what makes you happy. And I think we can't get so attached to the. How do I say this? To the form, to the function, to the packaging that your gift is going to take. So, like, I think if I would have taken a different turn about 10 years ago, I could have been a filmmaker. I really want to make documentary movies. And I think I would have brought everything I'm bringing to bear now, but through that medium. And I just. This happened. Writing happened and the Internet happened. So, you know, your gift could be compassion and insight and getting stuff done. And you may choose to do Doctors Without Borders, or you may choose to become a psychotherapist or wellness coach. Yeah. And you gotta let life carry you a bit. So it's not about saying, show me my life purpose. It's just bring me ways that I can express my gift. And then you'd be amazed. You know, like, I think we all get to a certain point in our careers, you know, we're in the late 30s, where you look back and you go, I could never have predicted this. What? You're running a telesummit seminar on pleasure.

What?

And this publishing thing you do, like, you could not have made this shit up five years ago, but look at you, you know, that's. I don't put words in your mouth again.

About what?

You know, just. That's. You just like, I want to show up. And life is giving you these different modalities to show up in. If you get stuck in the modality, if you've been like, I want to be a network news producer.

Yeah.

You could be banging your head against the wall.

Totally. I love that you said that, too, because I. In my early 20s, I was, like, all about fitness modeling. I was gonna be a fitness model. And, you know, and it was a personal trainer and all that stuff. And it's a component of what I do now. But that didn't really come together. You know, it just really. It wasn't like I wasn't willing to do what I needed to do, you know, and it's amazing to see. Oh, wow.

Okay. But this. This not being willing to do what you need to do. I'm so glad you used that phrase because there's so much of judgment around that of I'm not willing to do what it takes. And then you're just like, I'm a loser. And I was on the wrong path. Am I going sick? It's like I had that same moment for myself around tv, you know, do you want a TV show? We could produce a sheet. You can go down to LA for six weeks and we can shoot six episodes and da, da, da. And it started to dawn on me what it was going to take. And I said to like producer guy, those exact words, I'm not willing to do what it takes for this. Oh, but I thought you wanted. And you're going to be household and name and da, da, da. I want to pick my kid up at 3 o' clock and I don't want to wear Spanx and God, I have to look awesomer every day, you know, just like, no, if you don't want to do what it takes, it's just, yeah, your desire is elsewhere. It's not because you're a loser.

Yeah, Brilliant. I love that you said that because I know I've had those moments and I know everyone watching and listening is like, you have those moments of you. Like, why don't I want to do, Like, I need to do this. I need to call 500 people if I want to be the best marketing director or whatever it is. And it's huge to actually say and own it. Like, I'm not willing to do this. And then something that is like you were saying, aligned comes. Right. Like when we're willing to say no, the yeses. Like the bigger, deeper yeses come.

The bigger, deeper yeses. Yeah. Here's some bigger, deeper yeses.

Yummy. Beautiful. I love it. Thank you. Thank you for inspiring me personally. And I know that everyone got lots of juiciness from you and just feel good. That's what we're here for.

Feel good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And can you tell us where people find more about you and your offerings and your books and all of your creations?

My stuff. Danielleporte.com I'm everywhere. I'm everywhere. I get a rag, I'm there. Pinterest, my new obsession. Come find me on Pinterest because I'm pinning some really cool stuff, but Danielleporte.com Facebook fan page, Twitter, Instagram, Desire Map. Desire Map. The book is going to be in bookstores in the new year, like in England. All English speaking countries who participate. That's amazing.

Yeah.

I'm super stoked about that.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you. Thank you. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mama Goddess. Sending you lots of love and blessings. If you'd like to connect more, go to mamagoddess.com until next time. Keep rocking it and have an awesome day.