Episode 17 | Part Two: Rewire for Wealth

Gregory Shepard, an entrepreneur who's built and sold 12 businesses, a recipient of 4 private equity awards, TEDx speaker, and Forbes author. This is The Boss Podcast with Gregory Shepard.

Welcome back to the conclusion of my conversation with Barbara Hewson. She's a bestselling author, financial therapist, and wealth coach who has helped millions take charge of their finances. Barbara, a big part of your success is helping women, and you mentioned that a couple of times in part 1, and I just really, really admire that. But if you had to encapsulate the major themes of why women are struggling today, what would you say those themes are?

I'm going to tell you one thing. I think women's difficulties with money, managing it or making it, women's difficulties with money have very little to do with money. And it has everything to do with their fear of or ambivalence about power.

Huh.

I think we women are very afraid of our power. Men are afraid of— as afraid of our power as we are. But we don't understand power from a feminine perspective. And I define power. A powerful woman is someone who knows who she is, who knows what she wants, And expresses that in the world unapologetically. So essentially, our fear of power is our fear of becoming all of who we're meant to be, instead of watering ourselves down so we don't make waves, so that we become a container that can attract, that can sustain, and that can grow our wealth. And part of our fear of power—I remember when I wrote my first book, and I realized that. This fear of power that women have. And I remember speaking to a psychologist who specialized in financial issues. And I said to her, why do you think women are so afraid of their power? And she said to me, because powerful women have been burned at the stake. And it's true. For generations and generations, women have been punished severely, oftentimes, for being powerful.

It's interesting because a lot of different groups have been— had struggled with that and then been penalized for standing up for themselves. And then they go back down and it's really sad, but it seems like it's a way of the powerful to keep stuffing down those that find their power.

Yes. And this is why I wrote my last book, Rewire for Wealth, because it's not enough To just want something. We have to actually reprogram our brains because all our behavior is controlled by our brains. And if we want to change our behavior, if we want to change our behavior with success, with finances, with work, we need to really reprogram our brain.

That's— I just love talking to you. This is just a really good time. So, what I do is I work with entrepreneurs through an educational program called BOSS, which stands for the Business Operating Sports System. And then we also have another syndicate that we make investments into businesses. So I look at probably like 100 deals a month, and out of the 100 deals I look at, there's probably maybe 3, 4, maybe 5 women founders in the whole group. And it seems to me that when I talk to them, they say they have a hard time getting face time with investors and When they talk to investors, they're intimidated by the investors and have a difficult time closing the gap between their pitch and the value that they're bringing to the table and the insecurity that they seem to have. And this is just based on my interviews with them.

100%.

Yeah. How do we, how do we help people dig out of this, you know, this mindset? You know, I feel like, you know, the data actually supports that women in a lot of scenarios are actually really, really exceptional and a lot of times better entrepreneurs than men because of that conservative nature they have and less risky, and they tend to be more truthful. For me anyway, when I'm listening to a woman pitch, I feel like I'm getting the real story. And sometimes when I'm listening to men pitch, I feel like I'm getting a hyped-up story. How do we work with women to empower them to be able to deliver a pitch with the power and confidence, but still convey the honesty and not have the sort of I don't know, self-doubt or whatever it is that's preventing them to go all out in the pitch. It's something that I've noticed personally, and I was really wanting to ask you this question.

Well, I think you are right on in what you noticed. It's really, I don't know, it makes my heart go out because I know I've spent most of my life feeling valueless and not important. And it really is a matter of really Focusing, changing your thoughts, and rewiring your brain. It's an inside job. I mean, it's— this is— each individual must do it on their own. No one will do it for us, but we don't have to do it alone. We need support, but we also need— and it's really important to— when you notice that a woman has to want to change, she has to want to start valuing herself, she has to want to do that. If there's that desire there, As I found out, it took me 6 years to figure this out in my Rewire for Wealth book, to how to help women reprogram their brain. And while our brain is responsible for our behavior, it determines what we see, it determines what we— how we act. Our brain is shaped by our mind. The thoughts we think and the feelings we have Go directly to the brain, to the cells in the brain that talk to the other cells, and they start forming neural pathways that conform to that belief. And the more we have that belief is, I don't matter, I'm stupid, I'm scared. The more we have these beliefs, the deeper they get, and the more we act on them as if they're true until they are true. And our brain has what's called confirmation bias, what we can't see, and we can't do anything. That doesn't confirm our beliefs. So it's really important that we change our beliefs by changing our thinking.

Yeah, it was interesting when, when I was coming up in business, right? And I came from a poor family and I barely graduated from high school because of my, you know, neurodifferences. And I remember feeling that way, right? And this mentor I had, he came up to me and he says, listen, I want you to do me a favor. He says, don't think about a carrot. And then he says to me, what's the first thing you thought of? And I said, well, a carrot, of course. And he said, don't think that your brain doesn't hear everything you think and say. And don't think that those things don't make a difference. He said, whatever you can conceive and believe, you can achieve, or the opposite. Is that in line with your, you know, your thesis on this?

The brain not only hears what you say, it Responds by digging that thought into a neural pathway.

It literally acts on it.

It acts on it. And the more you think a thought, the more— the deeper that neural pathway goes till it's cemented in there. And you can't help but act on that belief as if it's true. So you want to change a belief, you start thinking different thoughts. That you don't believe at first. I'm gonna give you 3 steps to reprogram your brain. Took me 6 years to create this and lots of, I had lots of guinea pigs helping me and my clients. The 3 steps are recognize, reframe, and respond differently. You first recognize a negative or unhealthy or a thought that's not serving you. For example, you're going to talk to investors and you go, oh, I can't do this. I'm scared. I can't do this. I don't have what it takes. Whatever that thought is. And you recognize that thought. And then you recognize it with curiosity. And you recognize it with curiosity and you separate yourself from that thought. So not, I am scared. I don't have what it takes. You go, oh, isn't that interesting? I am having a thought about— I'm scared. I don't have what it takes. I can't do this. They won't be interested in me. Just recognize the thought. Just that nothing can be changed till you're aware of it. So you recognize that thought. The second step is to reframe it because that thought is just a thought. It's not truth. You've made it true, but it wasn't true originally. So just recognize that it is not truth. How can you see this differently? How can you reframe it to, I don't have what it takes to To maybe, oh, I can handle this. I can handle this. Do you believe it? No. But you keep repeating that thought over and over again until the old neural pathways of I don't have what it takes start weakening and that new neural pathway starts strengthening. And but you, the third step is what really changes the neural pathways and that you respond differently. You respond as if that new thought, that new reframe. Oh, I can handle this. I've got this. As if it's true. And you keep responding by doing what doesn't feel right, what doesn't feel normal. You have to keep doing that over and over and over again. And that is how eventually, within weeks and maybe months, you can rewire your brain.

I've noticed that when, when I was younger, I was really into lifting weights. And because I was getting beat up all the time, I didn't want to get beat up anymore. So I started lifting weights. And then when I got older, I got And I wasn't able to lift weights, so I put on a lot of weight. And in meditation, I learned to picture myself without that and picture myself making better choices. And it seemed to work. And it sounds like this is sort of the same line, right? I mean, whatever you think, it becomes a task for your brain to achieve. And so, change those thoughts. And the process then again is to recognize—

You recognize the unhealthy thought, you recognize it with curiosity. Okay, reframe it.

You see it differently, so you don't beat yourself up. You recognize it with curiosity. So you're just kind of looking at it, right?

Okay, right. Good, good catch. You recognize it with not with judgment, not with criticism, but with curiosity. Okay, you reframe it. You don't have to believe it.

You just reframe it. So turn it into a different thought, right?

Yeah, turn into a different thought. Turn it into the opposite. Turn it, and then you.

So instead of saying I'm fat, say I'm. Fit.

I'm fit. I'm losing weight. I love how I feel with less weight. I love it.

So, reframe it to what you want.

Yes.

Instead of— so, you're programming instead of what you don't want, literally, you're programming what you do want.

Correct. Then, you respond differently. You act as if that's true.

Okay.

You do what is necessary to make sure that is true.

I got it. Okay. So, Liz, I want to respect your time, but I can't let you go without talking about this book, Rewire for Wealth. And in it, you write about how neurological differences between men and women's brains influence their investment decisions. First of all, what do you mean by influence their investment decisions? And second, what was the inspiration for this?

So the inspiration was right after my book, which you've been so kind about, Sacred Success came out. I had the best year financially, everything. I had the best year ever. That was in 2014. And just about that time, I started losing interest in my work. Now, I'd been in it for over 20 years. I love what I do. It is like my mission. You know, it's not a job, as I'm sure you understand. And I started losing interest. I started feeling something is missing that I don't know. I just got very confused and I stepped back. And I stopped. I took a break, and I said, "Okay, if something's missing, tell me what it is, or maybe I'm not supposed to be working anymore." And one day, I'm I'm online on my email, and there's this article on neuroscience. I knew nothing about neuroscience, but I read this article, and I swear to God, my brain lit up like a Christmas tree. And I said, "This is it. This is the missing piece." And I started integrating neuroscience into my work. But what really led me as I started reading about neuroscience, I saw that men and women process financial information differently. And one of the big differences is men see the market and investing as a challenge and they get excited. Women see investing in the market as a threat and we hold back. Now, the interesting—

Oh, that is fascinating. Wow.

Now, the interesting thing is, is because we are scared and our fear and our conservatism makes us better investors. We women outperform men in investing because we tend to be conservative. Exactly what you said about entrepreneurs. Because we tend to take fewer risks. Because we take a long-term attitude. Men are going in and out and taking a lot of risk, which is not nearly as I found the women entrepreneurs that I've worked with are incredible.

Like, as far as from an investor perspective, you know, when you are, you know, doing some mentoring or giving one of your companies advice or whatnot, the men tend to be a little more egotistical and the women are really open, right? No matter how experienced they are, they're really open to, oh, okay. Oh, okay. Thank you. You know, and like this, and it makes it so much better. more pleasurable to work with somebody that doesn't have an ego.

The upside is that they'll listen to your constructive advice. The downside is they'll listen to the criticism and the putdowns. So, oh, okay. So we're very vulnerable. We tend to be very vulnerable to that.

You should write a book on, on, on helping people understand how to effectively work with women in business environments, because I think that for me anyway, I think I misunderstood that until you just mentioned that. I was thinking to myself, oh, I'm going to change how I deal with my women entrepreneurs completely differently than I did before, because I didn't realize that when I'm offering advice that some of the, you know, I may be saying things in certain ways that they gravitate to, you know, some, some negative thing I comment on may resonate with them. And then that seems to be the thing that sticks.

I don't think you need to change. I think if you see, if you see you had a detrimental effect, that you need to talk about it and process with them. But I don't think you need to change. I think we need to toughen up.

Oh, interesting. Okay. That's interesting. I find it really wonderful to be candid, like, you know, from the first pitch all the way through, women entrepreneurs are a pleasure, you know, and I find people of ethnicity also really easy to work with. And maybe that's because all of these people are used to being put down. And, you know, when they have an opportunity to rise, they appreciate the people that are surrounding them and helping them. I don't know. What do you think?

I think that many minorities have been raised to be submissive and have been rewarded for being submissive. And this has to change. And this has to change. We're seeing what's happening when minorities now are not so submissive. They go to the opposite extreme. But I think we women need to toughen up. As I learned when I interviewed women for my Secrets of Six-Figure Women book, they had this great attitude. They all said, there's this little girl in me that wants to be liked. But when it comes to business, I'd rather be respected than liked. And I think that is an attitude I'd like to see more women take. That we don't need to win any popularity contests in the world of work, but we do need to be respected.

I don't know if there's a better way to close this podcast than that statement. Thank you so much for your time and energy and what you're doing for all of our common humans. I just think of women, men, people of ethnicity, they're just other people. We all have the same hardware, we just have different software. So I really appreciate what you're doing for our fellow humans, and I really appreciate being on the podcast, and I hope that I can Have you back again.

Thank you. I really enjoy talking to you, Greg.

Really. Thank you. If you'd like to connect with Barbara, check out barbara-hewson.com, and Barbara's new book Rewire for Wealth is available at Amazon or wherever you buy books. If you enjoy the show, make sure you take a second to subscribe so that you can get automatic updates when the shows drop. Also, if you have a minute, I'd love it if you left a review. so more folks like you can discover the show. That's it for this episode. Until next time, namaste, my friends.

Learn more about the BOSS Business Operating Support System at bossstartupscience.com, or you can reach Gregory Shepard at gregoryshepard.com. This has been a production of Forbes Books.