Growing Up Poor Was The Best Thing That Happened To Me! What I Did to Make Millions | DJ Thielen

I think growing up poor, like, was a huge blessing. Growing up, you know, single mom, no dad in the mix. Adhd, you know, had some abuse and different things. My mom, she would work during the day, and then usually she. And then she would bartend at night. So I saw that growing up, like, that was just familiar. People say, how do you learn how to work so hard? And I'm like, I don't know. But then I look back, I was like, oh, it's because it was familiar. I saw my mom do it in the third grade. I wrote down on a piece of paper, it's this big. And I found it when. When our mom died in 2010. And it said, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I wrote down, I want to be a professional baseball player. My favorite players are Dave Parker, Willie Stardew. They played for the Pittsburgh Pirates. And I was. I was in, like, shock because what I realized at that point was manifestation is real. Like, I wrote this down one time in the third grade, and it, like, it didn't manifest exactly like I wrote it, but I got to play pro ball, right? And then I do a ton of business out of the Pittsburgh area, right, with real estate and stuff. So it didn't manifest exactly like I wrote it, but there were so many similarities, and I. And I thought, damn, I only wrote this one time in the third grade.

So I'm here today with my friend DJ Thalen, and he is such an incredible person. You know, he's in the real estate industry now, doing over 3,500 transactions, over $350 million in real estate deals throughout his past 20 years. In the 2020. Yeah. And you also used to play. You were the number six draft picked for the San Francisco Giants in baseball.

New York Giants, a few years ago.

Yeah, a few years ago. And, yeah, so. And you. You came from really, really humble beginnings. And so I'm really looking forward to hearing your story because I know you went through a lot of pretty massive challenges. And, you know, you. You were raised by a single mom. You didn't have a strong father figure. Obviously, you struggled with some things, like, I have, like, ADHD and difficulty learning in school or paying attention in school. And then you did go on to become, like, one of the best athletes of all time, right, playing professional baseball. So I'm just really excited. And you also didn't come from money either. You mentioned that you had very low income growing up, and now you're, you know, very successful.

I had some. Some mindset monsters. I Call right there.

I can't wait to learn about it. So. But thank you. Thanks for flying out. Thank you.

Thank you, my friend. Yeah, this is awesome.

Cool. So tell me about your story. Like, take it all the way back to your earliest memory. And what. What was your life like? And what pain were you dealing with? And what was it like to be abandoned by your father at such a young age?

I mean, you know, I think, Hannah, I think that so many times people. People don't want to go through hard times, right? But that's like, when you're going through them, they suck, right? Or they can. I mean, now I look at it differently, but it's. It's like growing up, you know, I. Single mom, like you mentioned, right? Single mom, she was Italian. My biological dad was German. But we grew up around the Italian culture with my grandma and stuff, and, you know, nine uncles and Uncle Rocky and all that. Right. So. So we grew up around that culture. Very loving, very, very friendly, like, welcoming to everybody, you know, and so. But yeah, I mean, growing up, you know, single mom, no dad, in the mix, ADHD and, you know, had some abuse and different things. But I think that, like, for me, I can look back now, like, a lot of people that listen to this and are going through that, it's not fun, right? It's not a joyous time. And you can say, well, just change the way you look at it, right? And I do believe that if you change the way that you see things, the things you see will change 100%. Like, that's one mindset hack that I use all the time. But I think that, like, so many people that are going through stuff just know, like, this is what I tell my team, right? And my. My son and everyone, at some point, what you're going through is going to be fine. You're going to get past it. Maybe it's a week, maybe it's a day, maybe it's a year, maybe it's longer, maybe it's shorter. But at some point, that pain, that. That tough time, it's going to. You're going to get beyond it. You know, everything has a starting and. Right. So I think that. But yeah, growing up, yeah. We didn't have a lot of money like you mentioned, Right. Thank God for my grandparents. My mom didn't drive a car. My mom never drove a car her whole life.

Wow.

Imagine that, like, nowadays, right? So. And we were. My brother and I were super active. My brother's two years older, Derek, so he's 55 and 53. And, but yeah, my mom, yeah, just. Just worked two, three jobs, right? She would. She would work during the day, and then usually she. And then she would bartend at night. So then. So I saw that growing up that I think, like, that was just familiar, right? Like, people. People say, why do you. How do you learn how to work so hard? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't. But then I look back, I was like, oh, it's because it was familiar. I saw my mom do it. Like, that's all I knew, right? Like, I gotta go to work. I gotta go and put in the time. So. But yeah, growing up with those challenges, I mean, thank God I was like, super athletic and got drafted, like you mentioned, in the sixth round by the San Francisco Giants in 91 a few years ago. And. And so what is that now? 30? I don't even know. I wasn't good at math, but a long time ago, so. But got drafted and that was really, you know, that was really the. The beginning of a journey that I didn't think that I was going to go down, right? Because you. When you're young, like in the third grade, I wrote down. Kristen has it. I wrote down on a piece of paper, it's this big. And I found it when. When our mom died in 2010. And it said, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I wrote down, it was in Ms. Harris class. I said, when I grow up, I want to. I want to be a professional baseball player. My favorite players are Dave Parker, Willie Stardew, that play for the Pittsburgh Pirates. So I find this piece of paper, right? I'm the best player in the minor leagues, right? Like, no, no, no belief problems, right? Which, which is a big, like, part of success, right? You have to. The beliefs aside. But I looked at this, Hannah, and literally, like, my brother was there. Our mom's laying on the couch, still gone, right? Dead. And so. And I. And I'm looking for the. I'm. I'm look. I find this. And she had a drawer with his memorabilia in mind, like, baseball card stuff. She kept. So I'm. I'm looking through this and I find this old sheet of paper. I'm like, what's that? And I pull it out and. And I couldn't even talk. Like, they thought, like, I was having a stroke. They're like, dude, what's wrong? Are you. What happened? You know, And I was. I was in, like, shock because what I realized at that point was manifestation is real. That's what I realized. Like, I wrote this down one time in the third grade, and it, like, it didn't manifest exactly like I wrote it, but I got to play pro ball, right? And then I do a ton of business out of the Pittsburgh area, right, with real estate and stuff. So it didn't manifest exactly like I wrote it, but there were so many similarities. And I. And I thought, damn, I only wrote this one time in the third grade. Like, what if I started writing my. My vision down and what I wanted all the time and really giving it energy and really believing that, like, that's already done, right? How fast can I now attract things into my life? How fast can I create the life that I want, the things I want? And so that led me on a journey to really the, you know, the. A lot of the. The manifesting stuff, you know, gratitude and things that we'll talk about. But yeah, yeah, that was like the kind of the beginning of the journey of understanding how strong our mind is and how. How the universe works and. And, you know, being a believer in God and all of that, that's like my number one. But then also, you know, I think you have the spiritual, you have the physical, so you got to take care of your body, you got to take care of your spiritual side relationship, and then you have to take care of your mental side, right? And mental. I kind of. I think energy and stuff like that is. I put that in the mental side. And so, yeah, it's like you. If you can. If you can figure out. And I would say master, but just keep working on those and get better and better and better. Pretty soon you'll look up and you'll be so aligned and things start happening in your favor all the time, and you're like, oh, my gosh, like, how. You know what I mean? Like, you were. Used to be like, I can't believe that happened for me. Now you're like, like expecting it. You know what I mean? So it's just, yeah, mindset change. But, yeah, I think that. I think growing up poor, like, was a huge blessing. Huge blessing. It taught me how to be creative. It taught me how to think out of the box. I learned how to play video games at 10 years old. You know, the. The old school video games with the. With the. They have the coin return at the bottom, little plastic door. I know. You know, so.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have like the plastic door. You put the quarter in. If you hit it, there's a door. Well, if they don't have the plastic door, on it, right? I'm going to get a lot of people in trouble. But if you don't have the plastic door, you can take a penny and there's a slot and you can flick it up in there and it will hit the same part as a quarter. So from an early age, I didn't realize this till I got older. I literally was wired to look at everything backwards, like, which was a massive blessing right in my life. So had I not grown up that way, I would have never learn how to do that or play video, you know, video games with straws. Like, I learned how to do like all these things that were so out of the box. So thank God that I had those things because it got me to be. I was. I've always been like an outside of the box thinker and it's, you know, as an entrepreneur, like now it's like, oh my God, thank God I went. I grew up that way because it serves me so well now, you know, but, but when you're going through it sometimes, like people don't realize when they're going through hard times that those hard times down the road will probably be your big. One of your, one of your biggest. Lead you to your biggest strengths and be so beneficial for you down the road. But you just can't like someone that doesn't have a dad, right? Like, if you don't. Anybody I know they have a dad was just pissed off growing up, like, just anger, you know what I mean? Like, quick fuse, like me and, and so. But you know, but then as I got older and I started to understanding how to control that and right. And all that. And it was, and it took a long time, you know what I mean, to shed the. My mom would say, yeah, dj, he's a loving kid, but he's got a quick fuse, right? I'm like, thanks Ma. You know, like, like kind of like not on purpose but like man, just speaking like kind of death, you know, on your, on your mind, right? So I think that happens to a lot of people is the parents don't understand these things and they, they speak these things on onto the kids and then the kids grow up believing like, oh yeah, we like, hey, we can't. You know, many times I heard we can't afford that. So as I got older and I. And I would hit these income ceilings and it was because I believe subconsciously I felt like I didn't, I couldn't afford it or didn't deserve it or whatever, you know, probably a lot of. Probably both of Those.

Yeah.

But, yeah, yeah, that's some, that's, that's, hopefully that helps a little.

Yeah. And I, I love digging into the childhood and the story and all these things because I think, you know, so many of us have so much trauma from such a young age, whether it's severe trauma or whether it's smaller trauma, like not being seen, heard, or protected by your parents. Right. Something simple like that. And all a child wants is to be seen, heard, protected, and have some level of, like, freedom and identity. That's all anybody wants, Right? Yeah. Child or adult. And so, you know, I think when we don't have, like, the prominent male figure is the most important figure that any child has in their life. And so when that is removed, which is very common, unfortunately, a lot of times we are raised thinking that we're unworthy, we're unloved, we're not, you know, not wanted, we're not good enough. We have to prove ourselves. And society in general reinforces positive, you know, we, we get positive reinforcement when we're a good boy or a good girl, or we get good grades or we do better in sports, or we don't complain. Right. And so we learn to make ourselves small or overachievers or all these things. And then paired with the limited belief system of we can't afford it, we don't have money, don't forget who you are, don't forget where you came from, and those just really strong core beliefs that are ingrained from such a young age. It drives us to go one way or the other. Right. And obviously you did, you feel like you weren't worthy or you weren't loved or you had to prove yourself, like, as a child or, like, what was your.

Yeah, you know, I, I, I, like, not that this was healthy. And, you know, I know a lot of people talk about this. I don't know, long term, it's like taking something that's, like, it's okay for you now, but long term, it's going to like, rip your liver apart or something. Right. Like, I don't know if it's, if it was good for long term, but I just wanted, like, when I was young, I wanted, like, two things. I want to get to the big leagues, retire my mom. And I want to prove, and I want to, I, I want, I don't, I basically want to show my dad, like, like, you, you screwed up.

Right?

You know what I mean? Like, it was almost to prove to him, you know, from the abandonment and all of that, to prove to him like, like, gotcha. You know, you should have, you should have been there. Now look what you're missing out on. And so I think, like, that's kind of where I operated from. And I, and I don't, and I really don't believe that long term, that's healthy, right? Because then you get there. Like, let's say that you get there and then, and I've talked to people that have even. And, and it's like, now what now? I proved it now. Now, now how. Now what do I latch onto to keep me driven, to keep me, like going forward, right? It's like I've, I've, I've got, I got there, right? So, like, okay, yeah, I gotcha. But like, now what, now what, now what's your anchor? You know? So I think, I think it, I think you can use it for fuel, for sure. Like, I think like, a lot of kids grow up poor, inner city, single mom, no dad, and they use that to fuel them. Like, I'm going to, I'm going to show him, or I want to. Like, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna make it and take care of my mom. Like, for me it was both. And, and so, yeah, I think I use that. I think sometimes, you know, you, you said something. I heard a story of two brothers. You probably heard this or maybe you haven't. And one was super successful. They were sitting next to each other, right? And one was, you know, on drugs and strung out and, you know, on the. Living on the streets. And they asked them why did you, you know, what was it that allowed you to turn out like you turned out. And both of them said it was because of how my father was. Right? So I think that, I think that you, you either got to be the victor or the victim. You can't be both. And I think people go through life blaming victim and they, and, and you're in. I, you know, you're in like, like a rut. Like you're in a track that you're. It's, it's like a train track. It's like, hard to get out of, right? But I think that people need to understand. I, I truly believe gratitude, right? I start my morning with prayer, gratitude, obviously, swimming, exercise, all that. But if you're not putting good stuff in your mind on a consistent basis, constantly, the. It's. We all default. We all have a default. Nobody. You know, people say, oh, no, I'm. I'm sharp as iron. And I don't think negative thoughts, man. I do. Like, I have Stuff come through me. I'm like, where'd that come from? Like, that's kind of what I think of it now when it happens. I'm like, why would I believe that? Where did that come from? Right? That's not true.

It's the monkey mind. Survival brain.

Yes. Yeah. And then I'm like, no, no, no, no, that's not true. So when you're, you know, the first step in transformation is awareness. So once people become aware that there's. You got to be humble enough and lose the ego. I think in. Especially with social media and all this, there's so much, so many egos out there, and everybody makes entrepreneurship especially look like it's way easier than it is, right? And then people get in and they get punched and they're like, damn, that hurt. I want to do that again. You know what I mean? And so, so I can circle back to that. But yeah, I think that if people can realize, like, the, A lot of times the messes that people look at. Oprah Winfrey, right? There's tons of stories. Abuse, raped, you know, I think by her uncle or something. And she went through all this stuff and had and became a billionaire. Right? In fact, I think most. Most of people that I know, we were talking about some of them, like, they've been through some crazy crap. Like, you know, like, crazy, like going to jail, like, like smoking crack, you know, like, I'm like, dang, man. Like, like, thank. I didn't have it that bad. Like, I just didn't have my dad around. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't smoke crack. But so I think that. I think that there's, like, there's different levels, but a lot of times, if you. If people choose to be the, the victor, they can use that. That the, the mess is the message when they, you know, to help, to help other people. Look at like the online coaching space. It's huge right now because people are using their mess and to basically help people fix their problem. Like, I'm going to, you know, what. What I needed to learn or needed to know what when I was younger. Like, I'm just going to create a signature program to show and teach people how to do what I did. But I had to go, you know, it took me 20 years, right? I'm going to show people how to do it in. In 90 days or whatever. So we call that collapsing decades into days. And so, you know, that's important. But yeah, I think, you know, the, the challenges that I don't remember I was Just telling this to. And I think this will help a lot of people that are watching this. When we, I came to this conclusion on my own. When we grow up and we're in school, what happens? Like when you were in school, did you ever get an F?

No. Straight A, my whole life.

I knew it. I knew you're too smart. So.

Yeah, I had no self worth. I had thought I had. That was the only place that I felt worthy.

Yes.

In over performing in school.

Well, I did. Yeah. So, so like I can speak from experience, so. And yeah, I mean, listen, my mom was Italian. Had the, had the freaking metal spoon. Like, I mean my fingers are bent, probably broke my. I mean she would go ham on us like, like and this thing was like not metal, like steel. You know what I mean? Yeah, she would, she would beat, I mean, you know now you, you say, man, she would whip my butt, right? And we needed it for sure. I mean I don't say we didn't deserve it, but I, I say that to say when we were growing up, if you failed, if any, Even today, if somebody fails in school when they're young, what happens? Massive trouble. They get punished, right? So these kids, even in school, they get suspended, they get, they got to stay after, they got to go to detention, right? Whatever. So there's some form of punishment, right? Like you said. So people grow up subconsciously and go, well, like they're scared to fail. They're so scared to fail that they will stay in a comfort zone and not try things because it's safer there than, man, if I fail, I'm going to get in trouble. There's going to be pain associated with that failure, right? And so like for me, thank God I picked, I was blessed to play baseball because you're failing seven out of 10 times, right? @ least. I mean, some days more, some days less. Some days you're failing 100 of the time. Like, right? So like I had to, I, I was wired from an early age that I'm not going to win all the time. Like it's in and I'm going to strike out. I'm going to, you know, like not get a hit, whatever, right? But then I'm gonna hit my home runs, I'm gonna hit the grand slams, I'm gonna, you know, pitch a no hitter, whatever it is, right? Like, and so like for me, I, I didn't care about school. I just wasn't, I just wasn't engaged. I just wanted to go out on recess, to be honest. Like that's what I thought about and so. And be with my boys. But. But yeah, I think that so many people, I think that's where the, the fear comes from is childhood and that we were, we were, we were punished when we failed. And then as entrepreneurs, people. So now somebody fails and they're like, oh, I'm not going to do that again. Right? Man, I bought a, I bought a piece of real estate and. Oh, nothing, man, I. That's not for me. Oh, I should. Everything I buy is out of state. That's how I started. So, so I'm like, like, if you buy a property and it. And something doesn't work out, like, usually a lot of times it's the people you dealt with. It doesn't have anything to do with like something you did, right? You dealt. Maybe dealt with the wrong people usually. That's what I found. So, so it's just like, no, like real estate is good. That deal is good. But. So, you know, but people quit, right? They throw in the towel. They're like, oh no, it's not for me. Like, that's out of my comfort zone. That's out of my. And it's like, oh my God. If I had done that. I bought 10 homes for 50 grand in 2005. A solar company. That's how I got into real estate. I fly out to Pennsylvania. First home I go to is torn down. There's no home, right? Like, it's gone. I'm calling a guy freak and his number's disconnected. I'm freaking out. And because everyone was like, you're an idiot. You're going to lose your money. So guess what plays in here? Maybe they were right, right? That whole, that voice. Maybe they're right, man. I don't know. And then the athlete brain kicks in and it's like, no, dude, you're good. You'll figure it out. It's. It's fine. It's. It's gonna. Who cares? Like, you failed. Just keep swinging, right? So, yeah, I think, I think that's. I think that's why so many entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs get paralyzed and they don't take risks and they don't take chances or they quit at the first sign of resistance. I just believe that firmly. What do you think?

Oh, I agree. I think one of the biggest things, I mean that sets a successful entrepreneur apart from a non successful entrepreneur or just anybody is being courageous enough to take action even though you're scared shitless and it's okay to fail over and over again. And I always just sing like Dory From Finding Nemo. Just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming.

Yeah. And, you know, that's what it is. And we are taught from a young age that don't fail, don't make mistakes, do it this way, follow the instructions, obey the rules. And entrepreneurship is the opposite. It's like create, fail, try things, innovate, test the limits, question the way it's always been done and all of those things, and it's. You have to be okay with it. And I think something like so many entrepreneurs, they say 90% of entrepreneurs have some sort of pretty severe trauma that's happened at some point in their lives. And I think a lot of the. The pursuit of excellence through entrepreneurship, business, sports, any. Any mass pursuit of excellence like that usually stems from a desire for fulfillment, right? There's something missing in us. Like there's that void inside of us, and we want that. And we think that when we pursue excellence and once we obtain excellence, then we'll feel fulfilled, and then we'll feel fulfilled, and that'll continue to drive excellence. But what I found was that the pursuit of fulfillment and the pursuit of excellence are two separate pursuits. And when I finally. Every time I achieved excellence, like I hit another goal or broke through a ceiling or I got a new.

A different car, right?

Like some sort of achievement that I hit, it was that short, brief period of joy and dopamine and satisfaction, like a. Like a hit of a drug. And then it was immediately followed by anxiety and fear and like, now what? Now I gotta do bigger, Now I gotta do more. Now I gotta go do this again. Like, what do I do next? Right? And so when that habit, that pattern continued to repeat, I realized, like, okay, excellence isn't going to fulfill me. Like, this is a separate pursuit. And so then I started pursuing fulfillment, which took me down the path of healing, therapy, plant medicine, fix, like releasing the traumas from my father and my brothers and my mother and all these different situations that we all have inside of us. And that's where that anger trigger comes from. Like when. When you have traumas in your body that are unhealed and your nervous system is. It reacts. Like when something even small happens, like somebody flips you off on the freeway, you might freak out because your nervous system is holding on to these unhealed trauma and all this stuck energy inside of you.

Yeah.

Like as you start to heal that and release that, then my meditation coach said, like, when. You know, most of us, when we're doing things in our daily lives, let's say someone flips you off on the freeway or cuts you off or whatever. It's like drawing a line in a rock in our nervous system. Like it's permanent inside of our nervous system and it's, it's very triggering and it's. Our body holds it. It's like that rage inside of us. Right. Because we already have unhealed trauma. We have all this thing that we never cleared. But as you start to heal and you start to clear this stuff, then it ultimately will then become like a line in sand where it bothers you and affects you, but you're able to maybe meditate or do whatever, go to therapy and clear it out and then becomes like a line in water and then it eventually becomes a line in air where like nothing in life can take you down and these things happen. And let's say you're. This is a stupid example, but let's say your friends didn't invite you on a girls trip or a guy's trip that they all went on and they didn't invite you like to a non emotionally intelligent, non healed, traumatized person that might like, really, really affect them and that might really emotionally cause them anger, rage through them. Right.

Ye.

But someone who has healed and is emotionally intelligent and is, has done the work, they'll be like, okay, like it's no big deal. Yeah, you know, it's, it's not the end. It's not a big deal. Like clearly I'm not investing in those relationships and clearly I have other relationships that are more important or whatever. And there's no like resentment or rage or, or ill will or pain that's caused by that.

I love that.

So yeah, I think just being able to not be so attached to the outcome, like, okay, if I fail, I fail. So what, like, what's the worst thing that's going to happen if I lose it all? Am I going to, am I going to live? You know, and I think people are so afraid of failure when in reality, even the worst outcome that could possibly happen, they're still going to be okay. They're still going to make it. But that fear is so great, that emotion is so intense that they just can't take action.

Yeah, even, even I think some people too are even fearful of success. Yeah. Like even the opposite, you know, like, that wasn't me, but. And I think too, like, you know, that's why it's, you know, we all have mentors, right? I'm sure you do. We have, you know, a bunch. Kristen, my fiance has a bunch. So probably too many. But, but her on her end or her. Um, but. But. No but, like, but it's like, that's what. Like, the ultimate hack is finding somebody that. I think when you find a mentor, you need to find somebody that's done what you want to do, that you're aligned with, that you like. It's not just find someone that's done what you want to do and learn from them. No, dude, you got to be. You got to like them, and you got to like to be around them, and you got to like, their energy. Like, there's more to it that I found, at least for me, is not just about. Because it's not about just the money. It's the whole. It's the. The whole. The whole enchilada, right? It's like, do they have a successful relationship? How are they with kids? How are they with people? Are they friendly? Are they kind? Are they giving? And so, like, it's. It's more than just, hey, they were successful in this, but maybe they're a shit show at home and their marriage is falling apart and they're having an affair and all these things. Like, why would it. Why would you want to learn from somebody like that, right? They're going to. You're going to get to that point financially, and then you're going to go, oh, damn, I sacrificed all these things that were really the most important, right? And now what? Right? And now it's like. And so I think you realize, like, damn, I climbed the wrong ladder, you know, like a lot of people. And I've done that. I've been like, I, you know, a grinder. So, like, I have to, like, even with Kristen, I have to, like, learn. Like, okay, like, I'll turn my phone off, or, you know, I'm getting better at it. I'm not. I'm still like a work in progress, right? But it's like she told me for, you know, a we need a date night where we play. I want to play. I want to go put, putt. I want to do something. I'm like, okay. And finally, I. After, you know, her harping on me a little bit, which I deserve, right? But again, you said you hit the nail on the head. If I wasn't in a state, it'd be like, God, you know, what's this person, you know, why are they coming at me? Why would. You know what I mean? And you're. The way. The way that you're looking at the situation instead of going, yeah, you know what? That. That's important to her. Then that's something I need to work on and get better at, right? And so. And like, this year, I have. You know, we've. We've done stuff. But, yeah, I think that. I think what happens, Hannah, is a lot of people. And I did this, and I know a lot of people that do this. We compartmentalize. We take the pain and the trauma and the childhood stuff and we suppress it and we put it in a. We put it in a. A treasure chest and we throw locks around it, and we throw that thing at the bottom of the ocean and think it's just. It's not there, but it's there. And then guess what comes out. What happened to me in 2011 or 2012, driving my car down the road? Blackout, right? I thought I had a heart attack. I pull over, my legs are numb. I was like, what the heck? Ended up being panic attack. So I had to deal with that, right? Like, how to. Like, why did this happen? Because you're pressing down. You're taking on too much, right? You're redlining. Like, you're just redlining. You're always on. You're never shut down. You're not. Your sleep's interrupted. You're not sleeping good, which is huge, right? And all these things. And then it's like, oh, damn. You know? And so my body was like, like, shutting down for me. Like, okay, right. And I think. And that was one of the. That was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Like, it really was. But it sucked, like, going through it, right? Like, God, why? Like, yeah. And my. My doctor was like, dude, you need to. You need to, like, take some time off. And I was like, no way. No, there's no way. I can't. Right? Like, us entrepreneurs, right? Like, dude, what do you mean, take time off? You know, no way. Like, you take time off, right? But then you start realizing, like, okay, I think, you know, it's. And I don't think it's. And then. Oh, and then. And then a doctor who's a investor of mine told me. He said. I said, how do you deal with. His name's Fred. Awesome guy, Fred James. And. And Dr. Fred. And we still stay in touch. And he said. I said. I called him renowned doctor, like, like, surgeon. And I said, hey, man, he's retired. Said, you know, I'm dealing with this. It's what I got going on. What would you recommend? Like, how do I. How can I not have stress in my life? He goes, I'm going to tell you something. You're always Going to have stress. It's how you. It's how you deal with it, right? You just have to learn how to cope and how to deal with it.

That's the line and air.

Yeah, that's exactly right. So it was like, oh, no one ever told me that, right? Why didn't. Why didn't. Why didn't my. Why didn't my doctor tell me that, right? Like, oh, yeah, you know, they just throw you into medication. And that's the. You know, that's the. Obviously, sometimes it's needed to get over that hump. But. But I. I just think, yeah, I think, you know, those things are like, yeah, you can. You can push it down, but at some point that thing is going to come up and it's going to come up in a. In an explosion, right? In. In a. In some situation, someone goes off the rails and blows up a cybertruck. Look at all the crazy stuff that goes on, right? Like, not saying all of them have childhood trauma, but there's probably a good chance, right, that there's some shit that was not healed in these. In these guys if you're going to blow yourself up. So. So, like, I. I just think that so many entrepreneurs chase the. The money, right? I did. I want the big. The bigger house and. And another car. And I had. I had. I had four cars in Los Angeles. I had some buddies that. I had an Aston Martin, and we would take them down Malibu Canyon, right, kind of run them, and I was the only one with an Aston, but everyone else had a Ferrari. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to get a Ferrari. I like four cars of mine and then other cars, right, that Mike's had, and it was like, what the heck? And I went out and got a red Ferrari, I swear to God. And then I look back, go, what a moron. You know what I mean? But, like, none of that stuff, like you said dopamine hit, it's cool for a quick sec, and then you're like, oh, man. Like, that was stupid. Why did I do that? Like, literally a month later, I'm like, oh, my God, why did I do this? Now I got this payment, and, like, I like my other car better, and you know what I mean? And, like, the stereo sucks. And I was just like, what the heck? But we think we chase the bigger house, and it's good to have those things. Trust. Like, I'm all about that, but I think that it's got to be. We got to start. People got to start looking at the whole Picture, right? And talking about their health, their. Their spiritual relationship, their mental status. Right? How is their mental. How's their mental game? You know, practicing gratitude, vitamins, nutrition. Right. All of these things. You got to, like, it's a. It's a whole, whole thing. It's not if. If you. If people just chase money and let their health go and their mindset sucks and they're going to end up on cocaine binges and freaking in jail like that. That's what happens to those people. Like, they just go. They just. They just go sideways.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah. And I think when, you know, when these. These difficult things happen in our lives, it causes us to. To disconnect from ourselves. Right? And so it's. My therapist uses the example of, like, have you ever heard of a mother who's able to do some superhuman things? Like she has a, you know, broken legs where she's able to run and grab her baby in a car accident.

Or lift a car or something.

Right. Like some crazy things. Right? And so, like, when that traumatic event happens, like a car crash, you disconnect and you're able to do all these other things, like function in life or build a big company or become a famous athlete or all these things. But in order to heal, you have to reconnect to the pain. You have to go back to that event. You have to realize that you're hurt. You have to realize that you need help, and you have to, like, seek professional help from someone whose attention is on you. Because we as children have to give up our authenticity to be loved and taken care of by our parents because we don't have an option. We can't stand up for ourselves. We can't say, oh, no, this is who I'm going to be like, right? As a child, we're helpless. So we're like, okay, if I act this way, I get rewarded, I get loved, I get praised, I get whatever. And so we lose who we really are from such a young age that we don't. When we grew up, we don't even know who we are anymore. We've just became. We've become this person that we got. Continued to get rewarded to become. And then we wonder why we're so disconnected and why we're such addicts. Yeah, like, we're all such addicts. Everybody's on drugs of some, even if it's medic, prescription drugs. Like, almost everybody's on antidepressants, anti anxiety, sleeping pills, caffeine, nicotine, weed, work, money, sex. Like, everything. Everybody I know, especially in the high performing entrepreneur space is an addict and they don't even know or an addict. And like that, that was the realization I had. Joe Paul, you just met him a few minutes ago.

Yeah, he's great.

He's the one that made me realize that I was an addict. Like when I joined Genius Network. And he talks a lot about addiction because he used to be an addict as well. And I was like, oh, my God, I didn't even know that. I'm just a functioning addict. Like, I'm addicted to success and I'm addicted to money, and I'm addicted to relationships, and I'm addicted to, you know, these things that the society might not perceive as a negative addiction, like food and all these things. But in reality, if you strip everything away from me and you just. And I just lay down alone with no stimulation at this, at the time, I was miserable. I was anxious.

Grab your phone.

Yeah. I couldn't be there. Like, just me and my thoughts.

Yeah.

It was like, shoot me. Yeah, right? And I was like, I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be chasing the next thing just to stimulate me or give me another dopamine head or always like in this fight or flight, this feeling of fear and scarcity, and I need more, and I need, like this. This will fulfill me. And the easy thing for us to do is be like, okay, well, that felt good for 10 minutes. So now I don't feel good again. So the easy thing to do is just set a bigger goal and just go for the next thing. But once I started to, like, step back and realize I don't want to be all these people that I know who are in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and they're all empty, you know, they may have a billion dollars or a hundred million dollars or 10 million, whatever the case may be, but they're empty. Or maybe they look great.

They're not fulfilled, right?

Yeah, right, they're not fulfilled. And they have that, like that fear or that anxiety or that unfulfillment or that desire for more. Right. And so that's kind of like that different journey, like that pursuit of fulfillment versus the pursuit of excellence. But then it's kind of been an identity crisis for me, dj, because then it's like, well, shit, now I'm. I feel pretty good. Like, I don't really have a desire to go get more, you know, Like, I don't. It doesn't. That drive for the excellence starts to just be like, I don't really have it Right. Like, I feel pretty good. I feel pretty content. Like, I'm happy. I like to work out, I like to journal, I like to podcast. I like to do my things. And I don't need to be a billionaire.

Yeah.

Anymore. But, you know, six months, maybe a year ago, I was like, oh, I'm gonna be a billionaire. Because I was just like, grabbing on to that next thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's true. Oh, yeah. I mean, and I think, um. Wow, that's good. Yeah, I, I've, I've. I mean, it's kind of like, you know, you. You hit something like identity crisis, right? Like, I, A lot of guys, I went through it. Like so many athletes, right? You look at the suicide rate after they leave the game in whatever sport they're playing, Women, men, whatever, it's really high. A lot of people don't know this because all you were like, that was your identity. And now you were like, like, for me, right, I was kind of like this top prospect, kind of can't miss kid. Right. Kind of thing. And, and life pill a different path. Right? And so then when I left the game unplanned, but to raise my son and all that. Yeah. I didn't want to go around my friends. I didn't want to go back to my old college and see my own coach. I didn't want to be around any. Anybody because all he wanted to ask me was, what happened? What happened, man, you should go back. No, you know what I mean? And it was like I was stuck. I was like, in this, like, because that was, that was all I knew was baseball, like, forever, right? My whole life until 25 or whatever, right? And so, like, for, for, you know, from the time I started playing, 20 years in my life, life, like, that was my identity was like, I'm a baseball player. Like, that was it, right? And then, and then that now you're, you're, you're. You're like, you, you. You're lost. So I think that the same thing happens, right, when people chase the. If it's only about the money or if it's only about the success or, hey, let me get a bigger house or bigger car, right? And we know a lot of mutual people, I won't mention them on here that have done that only to have their marriage blow up, only to have, like, you know, affairs. To have, like, you know, drugs, right? And maybe. And maybe suicide, you know, or even in jail, right? Like, just went down a bad path, remember? I think sometimes people that don't fix that. They, they literally create more pain because they're used to it. It's familiar, right? Right. Like I talked to Ryan Stuman once and he's great. And Ryan said to me, dude, I would dig. I would be so far done down digging. And I'm like at the bottom. Everyone's like, dude, he can't go any lower. I'm like, no, I can go lower. You know what I mean? Like, like digging. And it's like, that's what, that's what we do, right? It's like until that, until that, that trauma get fixed. I, I love we're talking about this because everyone always wants to just only talk about real estate. And I'm like, oh God. Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, we were talking about that.

This is what, this is what? Yeah. Like you, you can't control a lot of external things, but you can control a lot of internal things. I control what I believe and what I don't believe. I can control my actions, I can control my habits, I can control my routine. I can control who I want to be friends with, who I want around me. Right. Like we have so much control over, over our lives that I don't, I think people, well, I'm just going to leave it to God and trust me, I'm, I love Jesus. I'm, I'm like, I'm. That's first in my life. But like there's, you know, you have the spiritual side and you have the mental side. You got to sharpen both axes, right? You can't just have like, I'm just gonna, you know, and whatever happens, happens. Well, I mean, you still have to do the work, right? You still have to take action and, and you have to have faith and take that risk and go, hey man, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go for this. And like, if it's not meant to be, like if it doesn't work, I'm good with that. But like, I just, I just think like so many people, it's, it's, it's a world of self sabotage. Self sabotage, limiting beliefs, lids on the, on the thinking, right? And all of these things until people go, okay, how do I, how do I, I, I watch, I watched. I just told Greg this, this is great. This is good. I, I watched a Ed Mylet when he asked me in 2021 when my divorce was finalized. We were together 18 years. What was it that, that, that what, you know, that got me to take that jump load up a two seater Mercedes and everything else. Went into storage, and I moved across the country with what I could fit in a two in a little convertible. Right. I know why I didn't keep one of my other cars, but whatever. That's another story. But it's like, wow, man. Like, I. I thought, like, leaving Ball to raise my son was difficult. That was like, crazy. Like, I didn't realize. It's like jumping off a cliff in the. In the dark, thinking the water's 10ft and you're falling and you're falling, you're falling, like, oh, like, this is, like, harder than I thought. Right. But if you want a different life, like, you can't keep doing the same thing, expect a different result. And some people need to burn the damn boat. And just that's the. Sometimes that's the only solution.

It.

Is it easy? No. If it was easy, everyone would do it. But sometimes. Not saying every time, but sometimes certain things, if they're not healthy for you, dude, you need to burn the boat. And, like, there's no. I'm. I'm storming and taking the island or I'm going to die. But I ain't. I can't. I ain't going back. Like, you just don't give yourself another option, right? I think. I think more people just need to burn the boat. Yeah, I do. It's not easy. But the only, like, now I look back, I met my soulmate, right? Who, you know, Kristen. Love you, honey. I met Kristen. I, you know, met a lot of great friends, you know, and just in, you know, have a great extended family with her family, and it's just like. Like, that would have never happened had I not cut this off and cut off the old in order so I could have the new. Because you can't straddle the fence. You can't play. You can't do both. Right? So, yeah, I just. I think more people just need to just burn the boat.

Yeah. I. I live. I used to be. It was so difficult for me to make decisions I like, especially in relationships, because the fear and because you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what's on the other side. You, like. I was like, who's gonna love me? Who's gonna be there for me? Who's gonna take care of me? Like, I've always been alone, like, limiting beliefs. Right. And all this fear. But I hired a. My first coach, mentor type person, and he's just like, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hard no. Done any decision in your life, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hard no. And I started living by that, moving forward.

Who was that, if you don't mind me asking?

William Poet.

Okay.

William Poet. He teaches energetic intelligence. And he's the one that started to open up my whole mind to energy and protecting your energy and being in tune with what you do on a daily basis or who you're around or what work you're doing or whatever that energizes you and makes you expansive or.

Or takes it away.

Takes it away.

Yeah.

And that's how I knew I was like, okay, I was engaged at the time. I've been engaged, I say, two and a half times. There's a whole story to that.

We'll go with it. We'll go with it.

Yeah. Two and a half fiances, right. And it's the same thing is like the embarrassment, the shame, the fear, the destroying, burning the boat. Everything I built, like ending the businesses we built together, going back to a life that I didn't know without this person. And you know, it was just. I was so afraid. But when I heard that line, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hard no. And I knew right in my gut I was like, it's not a hell yes. And I left my fiance.

And, and when you, and when you, when you do that and you burn the boat and you do it once, guess what happens the next time? It's easier.

Right.

Right. And now you trust yourself, you gain confidence, you gain clarity. And now it's like you have another decision. It's like, oh, well, I made this hard decision. Like I'm, yeah, this is going to work out. Right. And that's kind of I. But so many people. And it's crazy it your age, how intelligent and how, how you went to really dive in to work on the mindset. Like I, I think until somebody's 30, I think that's like the number one thing they should focus on is, is. Is healing trauma, working on their mindset, their energy, practicing gratitude and really just, you know, really working on them. Right. Because if you can, if you can get that done. But if you do everything else in the. And chase the money and build and. But you don't have that was. It's like building a house on, on mud. Yeah. It's going to collapse. Right. At some. So. But if you work on that first. But that's so hard to teach to tell young kids because they're seeing 22 year olds on, on IG driving Lambos, right? Yeah. So it's kind of like, yeah, that's. That's. They want that, so. So they go out and chase that, but then they don't work on this, and they don't work on this, and then they get it. And then eventually down the road, at some point, they're just chasing empty, empty dreams, right?

And, you know, all we ever have is this moment right now. Like, there's no past, there's no future. All we ever have is right now, right? And so if we can create a world where right now feels good and not just like a dopamine hit pleasure good, but, like, the things we're doing right now, we know is not going to harm us in the future either. It's going to. It makes us feel good. Like, whether it's the relationship that we're in, you know, if we're constantly feeling bad in the now with the partner that we're in, we have to leave that partner. Or if we're constantly feeling bad in the now with the business that we're in that we think we need to be in because our parents told us to or because it's the best money or whatever, or the job that someone told us to be in that we never feel good in. Like Poet would teach me, 90% of your now you should feel good. You know, 10% of your life's gonna suck because there's death, there's loss, there's pain, there's all these things, right? But if you get a 90%, that's an A in life. And if you know that 90% of my days, of my moments, of my life and my now are good, like, that's the best life I could live. It doesn't matter what all the other stuff is, whether I made this much or I looked this good or whatever. It's like, if you can feel good 90% of the time, then that is a really, really good life. And it makes the decisions so much easier because it's like, no matter how scary leaving your comfort zone is or leaving whatever situation you're in is, if it's not a hell yes for you and you are not feeling good 90%.

Of the time, it's a hard no.

It's a hard no. And there's a better. There's something better for you out there. And I know, like, once I've started, I remember that feeling of that. That immense fear, like, I'm going to die if I leave this situation. Like, I am so afraid, but I'm in so much pain being here. Like, the only thing harder than leaving is staying right then. But looking back, I'm like, oh, my God, thank God that I left. I can't imagine if I hadn't. Like, now I have an amazing partner and I have an amazing life and an amazing business and I feel good, truly. 90% of the time. I would say I'm probably closer to like 95. But yeah, and it's just, just getting over that fear and taking, like, having faith in if it's not a hell yes, it's a hard no. And it's not like giving up at the first sign of difficulty. But when you try and try and put the effort in and, you know, try to make the business work as much as you possibly can, try to make the relationship worth work as much as you possibly can, but at some point, insanity is doing the same.