A first-person spoken reflection (YouTube clip) by Hannah Hammond about a past relationship that played a pivotal role in her healing. The speaker describes an ex-boyfriend (now deceased) who was the first man to treat her well—helping her recognize she could be treated like a 'queen'—and links this to patterns of early attachment and caretaking roles. She uses the baby-crane imprinting metaphor to explain how she bonded to partners and observes she can find compassion for people others view negatively.
Chapters
My ex boyfriend who passed away, and he was kind of the beginning of my healing. He was the first man to truly treat me like a queen. I have experienced that since, but I didn't even know that feeling. I didn't even know I could be treated like that. I didn't know that I could be anything other than masculine in a relationship because I was so masculine. Because I had to be. I had to make money for the family. All these different things because of these relationships that I previously had. But at one point, he had said to me, you know that book when we're kids, we're like, there's the crane. Baby crane is hatched and opens its eyes. In the first thing it looks at, it says, are you my mother? Right. And it's not even its actual mother. And that's what happens when these animals are small and they hatch. The first thing they look at is like, the thing that they start to bond to and they think it's their mother. And so he's like, I don't get how you chose me. I kind of feel like you're that crane that just looked at me and said, are you my mother? When he said it, I'm like, he's right. Like, that's what I've been doing my entire life. I can find a way to love anyone. I feel like I have such a big heart, especially if that person is perceived negatively by other people. I feel like I can see in them what other people can't. Me too.