Hannah Hammond shares her struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and anger at God. She describes how gratitude, healthier relationships, and reading the Bible became her turning point, and argues that suffering has meaning and prepares you for a greater purpose.
Chapters
I wrestled with God for so many years in my life and actually hated him. Didn't even know if he existed because I wondered, how could I pray to something day after day after day after day and he never answered my prayers? And this was what I thought growing up when I had so much internal pain, suffered from anxiety and depression and eating disorders every single day. I was so terrified. I felt so unworthy. I felt like I had no place in the world. And I begged to God and prayed to God every single day, and I felt like he never came. And so I hated God. I was on my walk yesterday and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I have every single thing that I have ever dreamed of. I have the most incredible relationships in my life. I have so much love for myself. I have so much love for the people around me. I have so much love for this earth. I have so much love in my heart. I wake up every single day now with love and gratitude in my heart, and I no longer have that anxiety and that fear that was crippling me for so many years growing up. Now, for the first time in my life, I actually started opening the Bible and reading scripture. God has some pretty great messages. Your pain and your suffering is required. It is your greatest gift, because if you don't go through the pain and the suffering in that season of your life, then you don't get the gift on the other side. And when I was going through it, and if you're going through it right now, I want you to know to keep going, because there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it. And when you get to the other side, you will see that every single ounce of your pain and suffering truly holds the greatest gift, and it will all make perfect sense, and you will never wish that any of it was different. The Hannah that was in so much pain and literally wanted to take her life and literally I literally would yell at God in the morning for letting me wake up that day. And I think to all the people out there who may be feeling that same thing and who maybe are angry that they're alive and angry at God and don't understand why they have to go through the things that they're going through, but I promise you, just keep going and don't abandon God because he does have a purpose and he does have a plan. Maybe try opening the Bible and reading a scripture. I wish I would have done that sooner. You are here for a reason. And you are special and you are a miracle. Everything that you're going through has a purpose, and it is required for you to become the absolute greatest that you can be.
