EP 165: The Science-Spirituality Connection | John Assaraf

Welcome to Radical Responsibility, the podcast dedicated to ridding the world of blame and shame, where we explore the issues you care about from a unique perspective. 100% ownership for each and every circumstance we face in life, day in and day out.

Hi, welcome to the Radical Responsibility podcast. This is your host, Fleet Moll.

And today I'm having a conversation with the legendary John Assaraf.

Together we're going to explore really what.

We know about the brain today from the cutting edge neuroscience and the power of using positive neuroplasticity practices to really reshape our brain. Rewire the brain for health and well being, for optimal performance, for longevity, for happiness and so on. How to overcome self doubt and really gain insights into our own inner psychology and how we can set our own brains up and our own mindset and our own heart side up to really thrive human life. John Ashraf has been inspiring people for decades to lead their very best lives. So listen into this conversation with John Asraf.

Welcome, John.

Thank you so much, Fleet. It's so great to be here with you and everybody else that's watching or listening.

Yeah, well, we're just really excited that you could be part of this summit and I've really been looking forward to doing this interview with you. So I'm going to share a bit of your bio and then we'll jump right into the conversation. Sound good?

Perfect.

Okay, so John Asrap is one of the leading high performance coaches in the world. He is a behavioral neuroscience researcher who has appeared numerous times on Larry King Live, Anderson Cooper and the Ellen DeGeneres Show. He grew ReMax of Indiana from startup to 85 offices and 1200 sales associates who sold over 4 billion a year. John was also one of the founders of Bamboo.com that went public on NASDAQ with a market cap of 2.5 billion. John's written four books, including two New York Times bestsellers that have been translated to 35 languages. He is the creator of the Inner Size movement and has been featured in 11 movies including the blockbuster hit the Secret and Quest for Success with Richard Branson and the Dalai Lama. He lives in San Diego with his wife and two sons. In addition to being a vegan, meditator and skier and ocean lover, he he loves traveling the world and making some of the tastiest hot sauces using some of the hottest peppers on the planet. Today he's CEO of myneurogym.com a neuroscience based company dedicated to helping individuals strengthen their mindset so they achieve their goals and dreams faster and Easier than ever before.

Sounds great. Let's hope that my answers to your questions match the bio.

Well, your bio is right. Right heart center and what this summit is all about, so it should be good. So. So you have spent a significant part of your, your career exploring the power of the brain and how we can rewire the brain for success. So I wonder if you could share your journey. How did you end up becoming such a neuroscience informed? Not only neuroscience informed, but a neuroscience researcher and coach who could really help people.

Learn ways to rewire their brain for success in life.

Sure. So My journey started 43 years ago when I was 19. And at that point in my life I had left high school at grade 11. I had failed English, failed math. I was working in a shipping department of a computer company, shipping boxes, receiving boxes, opening the boxes, putting them up on the shelf and repeating that cycle day in and day out. And at that time I was getting to a lot of trouble with the law on top of it. And my brother had been very, very concerned for my well being. And he said, hey, would you mind coming to lunch with me and one of my clients who's a successful entrepreneur? And I said, yeah, sure. And so I took the train, actually about 350 miles just to go and have lunch with this one man. And at lunch, this one man, his name is Alan Brown, was a real estate developer, wonderful philanthropist from what I have been told, and somebody was very, very successful. Started to ask me some questions and he asked me questions like, why are you doing the things that you're doing that are getting you into trouble? And my standard answer was either I don't know or because I want to make some money to fit in and be able to afford to buy some stuff for myself. He said, don't you know that you have a brain that's worth $100 billion? You just need to learn how to use it better. I said, well, no, I don't know that. And so he asked me if I would do a little exercise for him that would help him guide me and coach me. And so he gave me this document and he said, answer these questions and then I'm going to ask you one question once I reviewed it. And the answer to that one question will determine, okay, what your life is going to be like. I'm like, okay, sure. So he gives me this document, it says, at what age do you want to retire? And I said, I'm 19. How am I supposed to know when I'm going to retire? So I asked him, what should I Write there. And he said, just pick a number. So I wrote 45. The second question was, how much net worth do you want to have upon retirement? And so I looked at him and I said, excuse me, sir, what does net worth mean? And he explained to me and I said, well, what am I supposed to put there? He says, pick a number. So I picked the number 3 million. What kind of lifestyle would you like to live? I said, what am I supposed to put here? He says, just write a lifestyle that you would like to live. Use your imagination. So I wrote, I'd like to travel the world. I'd like to see all the countries. I want to retire my parents, I. I want to buy a four bedroom home. I want to, you know, give to charities. I want to have a nice car. And I wrote down this vision and these goals that I had no idea how to achieve. Then he asked me one question. He leaned in and he said, are you interested in achieving this vision and these goals, or are you committed to achieving it? And I was thinking about it, thinking, am I interested or am I committed? And I said to him, I said, Mr. Brown, what's the difference? And he said, if you're interested, you'll do what's easy and convenient. He said, if you're interested, you'll allow your old stories, your old excuses, your circumstances and why you're doing what you're doing to keep you stuck and hold you hostage. He said, but if you're committed, you will upgrade your identity to match the destiny that you wrote on this sheet of paper. He said, if you're committed, you'll upgrade your beliefs, you'll upgrade your habits, you'll upgrade your knowledge and your skills so that you could become the man capable of achieving every one of those goals which are all achievable. So he said, are you interested or are you committed? And in that moment, I remember feeling the hair stand up on my, you know, back of my neck. And I don't know why, Fleet, God just said, well, in that case, sir, I'm committed. And he reached out his hand and he said, in that case, I will be your coach. I will mentor you to be able to achieve every one of these goals and dreams. I said, wow, thank you. And that's when my life changed. Because every day thereafter when I moved from Montreal to Toronto, I took the real estate course because he was in real estate for five weeks, passed the test, moved in with my brother to his apartment, then worked on commission only for this gentleman. Every day he had me looking at that Document that I created. And he said, by looking at this document, you are going to fire brain cells in your brain. He then asked me to wr down what would you need to believe in order to achieve these goals. And so I wrote down, I would need to believe that I'm smart enough, I would need to believe that I'm worthy enough. I would need to believe that I can develop the skills. I would need to believe that I'm. Fill in the blank. And I wrote down 15 or 20 new beliefs. And he said, now what I want you to do is as you read the vision for the goals that you have in your life, I want you to believe, read the beliefs, run your fingers to the left, run your fingers to the right. So the signal would be sent through your fingers to your brain to light up, to fire or to re fire the brain cells that you needed to rewire your brain. This is 42 years ago. So I read the vision every day. I recorded it and listened to it every day. I read my beliefs, I emotionalized the beliefs, even though none of it was true. But what he told me was the more you fire those brain cells, the more you reinforce them. So practicing something that isn't even true or real right now creates and reinforces neural patterns. The neural patterns that are reinforced become dominant. The dominant patterns now take over thinking, take over emotional regulation, and creates the behaviors required to match whatever it is that you are training your brain for. That was the beginning of me being fascinated with the human brain because the results that I achieved over the next number of years blew my mind. And the more that I blew my own mind and then shared how to do what I did with other people and they got the results they wanted. I was hooked for life on this amazing brain that everybody has. And everybody's brain functionally works the same.

What a great story. It's a great. It's amazing how people like yourself that are out there really making a difference in the world so often have a great origin story. And that's really a great one. I could have used a lunch like that when I was 19. Pretty amazing the understanding of the brain that this gentleman had 42 years ago. That predates really our understanding of neuroplasticity and so many other things. So that's. That's really pretty amazing.

That is correct. And what's interesting is he was a big fan advocate of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. He was a big believer in the Maxwell Maltz's Psycho Cybernetics. James Allen, as a man thinketh you know, book. So he was a, an early student and pioneer of the positive psychology or the positive thinking movement that the neuroscience and neuropsychology field over the last 40 plus years has now proven what I call are the neuromechanics of positive thinking, the neuromechanics of emotional regulation. And this is where I think you're aware of this. You know, remember Dennis Waitley? He did all of these techniques with Neil Armstrong, you know, before Neil Armstrong went to the moon.

So it, you know, the, the neuroscience stuff came after, you know, the pioneers forged a trail for us.

Well, that's, you know, there's a pattern there because neuroscience has also been confirming the effectiveness of various meditative and contemplative practices that have been around for thousands of years. And so a lot of the people in those traditions go, well, duh, we didn't really need you to tell us it works. But, but still, I think the neuros is adding a lot because it's helping us really refine our methodologies and refine our, our teaching methods and refine the practices and the tools, I think because we're getting a subtler understanding of how it really works.

I totally agree with you. And this is where, you know, science and spirituality aren't opposing each other. Science proves, in my opinion, what a lot of the spiritual masters, you know, and disciplines have taught for years now. We just have more evidence. So I think there is a visceral evidence from practice, but then there's a scientific evidence, you know, from going through rigorous scientific research and study to prove something more than once.

Absolutely. So I'd like to explore your, your book. I believe it's your latest book, Inner Size and which is the new science to unlock your brain's hidden power where you offer various techniques and practices and exercises and so forth. And it's all kind of. You named your company NeuroJim or my neuro Gym. Right. And so this whole idea of exercise for the brain or neural exercise, neuro inner size. And I wonder if you could talk about a few of those practices. Like what are we talking about here? I mean, what are some of the specific things that you offer in that book and you offer in your programs to help people increase neuroplasticity and begin, you know, shifting their neural architecture in ways that are going to support their success?

Sure. So I think the foundation of inner size is based on neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. But let's stick with neuroplasticity, which is the brain's ability to Create new connections. Now if we go back in time, we used to believe that we were hardwired, that we were born just like our parents or grandparents. And we have genetic predispositions that are set in stone, hardwiring. Well that's not the case. We now know that when we are born, we're born with what we call as the neuroplasticity switch in an one state. So we learn how to see, we learn to integrate what we see with what we hear, what we see with what we hear, with what we feel, taste, smell, touch, etc, and the very art of neuroplasticity is we are creating new connections. As I mentioned before, the connections that are reinforced, whether they're positive or negative, constructive or destructive, empowering or disempowering patterns, the ones that are repeated become dominant. The dominant ones run automatically and that's called automaticity. So what does our brain do? It uses effort to develop the pattern. Then once the pattern is reinforced, it becomes an automatic pattern that self perpetuates and reinforces itself.

The question then becomes is, is that neuroplasticity always on? And the answer is no. By the time we're about 12, 13, 14, the switch goes from mostly on to mostly off. So then we have to say, well how do I learn something new? How do I change the neural path? How do I do like a renovation? How do I re fire to rewire my brain with constructive, positive, empowering patterns, Whether they're healthy, financial relationship. And the answer is you have to be very, very deliberate about it if you want to enhance your own life. So how do we turn that neuroplasticity switch on? Well, one of the best ways is get extremely curious, get extremely curious around what's working, what isn't working. Become mindful of your thoughts, without judgment, without blame, without shame, without guilt, without justification. The very fact, the very behavior of observation changes neural structure. So if I'm in a curious state, if I'm in a state of awareness, it's in that awareness that I'm in the greatest, greatest ability for my choice. So now I could say, well why do I believe this, why do I feel this, why do I behave this way? And we know that thoughts, emotions and behaviors have an effect on our results, right? The behaviors we take or don't take. But what happens for most people is they develop cognitive biases to repeat patterns and to keep them in their comfort zone. So let's say I have a belief, which I wasn't born with, that's negative or disempowering how do I change a pattern, a belief pattern? Let's say I have a low self image or low self worth or low self esteem. How do I upgrade my identity? Let's say I have disempowering habits. How do I nip them in the bud, right, and start and create and reinforce a new pattern? Well, first I'm going to start with choosing a new empowering belief that I want. And so let's say I believe that I'm too young or too old or I'm not enough of this or too much of that. Let's create an alternative language pattern first. Everything that I teach is around self talk, emotional regulation and behavioral control.

So if I all of a sudden realize I have a disempowering belief, what if I wrote out the belief and what if I reframed that belief to say in the past I used to believe this and now I'm choosing to believe and reinforce this? Well, now what I've done is I've given my brain a new instructor, a new instruction. No differently than a software engineer can recode software, upgrade software. Why not recode and upgrade my own brain software? So let me start with the language patterns that I'm used to. So I could take a disempowering or destructive belief, choose a new empowering one, and then if it's true that whatever I repeat and reinforce replaces the old reinforced belief. What do we know about how long does it take to create a new thought pattern that's dominant or a new emotional pattern that's dominant? A new behavioral pattern that's dominant? Well, here's what we know. No differently than it takes you time to renovate your home or renovate a highway system in a city. It takes between 66 days and 365 days to rewire your habitual pattern or patterns. Not two days, not a weekend of watching videos. Nothing on Netflix will change you permanently. But if you fire those neurons repeatedly for 66 days to 365 days, they start to become stronger, more dominant. And since our brain is always looking to conserve energy at a certain point, if I'm putting in the effort to start exercising, to eat better, to have a better relationship, to earn more money, to grow my business, whatever it is you want at a certain point, any pattern that I reinforce overrides an old pattern.

And then that new pattern becomes effortless. At the beginning it's effort, more, later on, it's effortless. Now here is the issue that we have.

We have a an ancient brain in A modern world. Here's what I mean by that. Our brain has a very, very specific hierarchy of how it does stuff. Our brain doesn't like effort more, our brain likes to reward the result, but it doesn't like the work to get there. We live in a fast food society. Quick, quick, quick, I want to do this fast. I want to eat this fast. I want to get here fast. I want to fly faster, go faster, I want to do that fast, fast, fast, fast, fast. And our brain's going, I don't want to expend the energy to do that. If we don't understand the neuromechanics of change, if we don't understand how to turn on or off certain circuits, the I don't feel like it circuit, for example, that it's too hard circuit, the I'll do it later circuit, if we don't know how to turn that off, then we end up being masters of disappointment, when we should become masters of change.

And so if you repeat a language pattern by reading it, by writing it out again, by recording it, listening to it, you activate certain brain cells. If you, let's say, add simple visualization techniques, seeing yourself already having achieved those, now we're adding some associations of our visual cortex with our auditory cortex, with our language pattern cortex. And then if we ask ourselves, how do I activate another part of a brain called the limbic system or the emotional part of my brain? But what if I asked you to share a goal with me? Doesn't matter what the goal is in health, wealth relations, career, business, it doesn't matter. And I asked you a question.

Why must you change?

Not why should you or why you want to, but why must you change? Why must you achieve this vision, this goal? Why must you stop this now? Here is what we all have to have. We all have to have a must. Why we must that is bigger, why we don't want to, that is bigger than our fear, that is bigger than your limiting belief, that is bigger than your low self image, that is bigger than the energy required to stay the same. And this is where emotions come into play. So I had, I can have the, the vision and the goals, which is a cognitive desire. But if I don't have the emotional fortitude to overcome all of the things that are wanting to keep me stuck, I don't take action, I procrastinate, I self sabotage, which are nothing more than effects of something going on neuromechanically. And we all have, as you see behind me, you know, the Einstein brain, you know, part of our, of our being, which is, you know, the part of our brain that has the ability to envision, to create a plan, to come up with the reasons why. But we all have, you know, what I call is, you know, the 800 pound gorilla or the Frankenstein's monster that says, no, no, no, don't waste any more energy, Just keep doing what you were doing before. And we rationalize our way out of growth and change, which means we tell ourselves rational lies, why we're going to stay in our current comfort zone. So these are some of the neuromechanics that we're working with or against.

So let's say you're trying to change some of the language about a certain limiting belief you have about yourself, about the world. So you rewrite that and you got it on some cards and you read it every day. You read it out loud every day, maybe add a visualization to it. You know, you visualize emotions that being true.

And how, how, that's my question. How does adding the emotion to it.

Further rewire the brain? How does that contribute to the rewiring process within the brain to stabilize a new neural network that's going to make this effortless for you?

Yeah. So many years ago, when I was 23 again, I had severe ulcerative colitis. And that means I had ulcers in my colon. And at the time I didn't have bowel control, movement. And I was on pills for a year and a half. Salazar Pyrin, 25 pills a day. I was doing cortisone enemas twice a day. A sigmoidoscopy in the hospital once a month. I was in a state of dis ease. So I wrote out this affirmation language pattern. My body and all its organs were created by the infinite intelligence in my subconscious mind. It created all my muscles, tissues, body, bones and organs. It knows how to heal me. It created every part of me. I now give thanks for the health that I am experiencing right now. I am perfectly healthy. Thank you for the wisdom within me, making me whole and perfect. Now, I would read that 20, 30 times a day. I would feel it as if I was healthy in that moment that was happening right there. I would visualize it as if I was already healthy. Not that I was not sick, that I was healthy. Now, if you think about the word emotion, like, what does the word really stand for? It's energy in motion. And if I can increase the amplitude of vibration that my cells are in to match the new vision of health, or if I could relax myself into a state of dis ease versus. I'm sorry, at ease versus dis ease. Am I not affecting every cell in my body? We have a hundred trillion cells in our body. Well, if the energy in motion is predicated by my state, and my state is predicated by my thoughts, my state is predicated by my ability to regulate my own emotions. So I could be very, very quiet. I could pride. Every thought produces a neurochemical that correlates to that thought. That neurochemical gets released in the bloodstream and then we have a feeling. A feeling is what? Conscious awareness of the vibration that my body is in. I can increase or decrease the vibration of my body with my thoughts. And through regulating my emotional control. No differently than a Hollywood actor or actress can change their emotional state on command. They have practiced. They're the Olympic athletes of emotional and feeling regulation and state regulation. Most people feel a feeling, but they don't know that they're not their feelings or they have emotions and they're not their emotions. But they allow the feelings or the emotions to control them. That's just a lack of practice. So if I'm an energetic being, a sentient being with a hundred trillion cells with three networks in my brain and dozens of different circuits, and since I'm not my brain, why not learn how to use my brain better?

So how do we do it? Well, we practice. Like, how does a Hollywood actor, actress become a role? You know, that was once on a sheet of paper or, or, or a, a manual that they're reading that somebody else wrote. They practice the role, they practice the state, they practice this new identity, and they become one with that through perfect practice over time. So to end the story I shared with you, within five weeks of doing that inner size, I healed myself of severe ulcerative colitis where they wanted to take out part of my colon at 23 years old. And ever since then, I realized the healing power within me is greater than the disease state that I had created for myself.

Another amazing story.

I have a lot of my own personal evidence, but more than that, I have tens of thousands of clients that have used, you know, my brain training methods to get more control, to be, you know, more in, in.

A success physical state of being and mental state of being, and, and everybody has the same gift. It's not like I'm unique and people that follow my work are unique. Everybody has the exact same ability.

So from what you're saying, and I know you were in the film the Secret, and you know that Book and film has gotten a little.

Criticism for making it sound too easy in some ways or. And. But it sounds like from what you're saying, the. The real secret is practice.

The real secret is perfect practice.

Right? Yeah. Practice, Bad technique.

Yeah. So. So what we want to understand is success leaves clues. Here's something to think about, Fleet.

Think about the time in the history of our species that we're living. We are in an era of artificial intelligence. We can learn things faster, easier, better. We know the science of change. We know if you want to make more money. We know how you want to start a business. We know how you want to get healthier by releasing weight and keeping it off. We know how you want to sleep better. We know how you want to have a better. We know how in health, wealth relations, career. We know how to do better. Then the question is, why are we not doing better? And the answer is just ignorance. Because I don't know how to properly train or retrain my brain so that change becomes easier for me to achieve the goals and dreams I want. Because we have all the knowledge and skills of what to do. But just about every single person who is watching us right now will agree and admit that they're not doing the things they know how to do already. Not that they can't. They're just not doing it. So the question is why? If you want a greater result in your health or wealth or whatever, why aren't you doing. Forget about anything new, like why aren't you doing the things you already know you should do and can do? And the answer is, because change isn't easy, especially for us adults. With adults, we have to change our mind and neural patterns. With. With kids, we just have to help them make up their mind. So there are spiritual practices, you know, like meditation or prayer or mindfulness that allow you to enter a state of all possibilities. Right. There are dozens of different techniques, maybe not dozens, but a dozen different techniques that are either scientifically proven. Okay. Or there's a lot of research going on with them right now. And, you know, we talk about.

You know, the law of attraction. The thing that a lot of people misunderstand or misunderstood with this law of Attraction is the airy, fairy side of it, where, you know, you think, you believe and you'll achieve. And I think that's baloney. If it was just as a matter of thinking, believing, and you'll achieve, everybody would be skinny and great relationships, super wealthy, you know, living the life of their dreams. There's a corollary law that Goes with the law of attraction. And the corollary law is called the law of Goya. Have you ever heard the law of Goya, Fleet?

I don't haven't heard the term, no.

It's the get off your ass law.

And do the right thing in the right order at the right time.

And when you learn what the right thing is in the right order at the right time, you're going to realize it's going to come down to get. Let's get my thinking right and my thoughts aligned. Let's get the emotional state that I need to be in there aligned. So I need to be thinking. I need to get this feeling going. So I want to get my mindset right. I want to know what I need to do, and then I need to go and do it. Means I have to develop the consistent behaviors to get the results I want. So I believe that just about anything that anybody on earth wants to do, most of it's already been done.

So if I lack the knowledge and the skill of how to do it, that means I'm going to be in a state of doubt. Maybe anxiety, maybe stress. Well, we know that when I'm stressed out, the motivational center, my motive for action center, basically shuts off. Well, the motivational center is connected to the reward center. And if I don't see that there's a reward possible, then why would I ever take action?

So what we want to understand is the way that our brain works is we move away from real or imagined danger and we move towards pleasure or gain. In the absence of knowledge and skill, we have uncertainty. An uncertain brain feels doubtful. An uncertain brain activates the fear center in the brain, which means that the fight, flight or freeze automatic part of our psyche activates. And in most cases, we move away from what we need to do, not towards it. So what we have to understand is in the absence of knowledge and skill, our brain is in a state of fear. In a state of fear, we don't do what we need to do most of the time.

Well, let's talk a little bit more about how we. I mean, you've been talking about this to a degree already. Already. But how we can set ourselves up for success. Because for some of our audience, this may all sound pretty daunting. Yeah, I know. Like Michael Jackson practiced, you know, 12 hours a day and eventually became this superstar. I've never been able to do that. How do I get started? You know, this may seem very daunting. And you know, you talked about creating that big must have you had that really must, that can really change things a lot. Yeah, but you know, maybe people, you know, the idea of it, it takes 66 days to 365 days to thoroughly ingrain a new behavior pattern, a thinking pattern, a habit and so forth. You know, I've never been able to keep it anything that long. People may have that belief about themselves. So, and you talked about when, when we allow ourselves to get into stress and, you know, doubt and anxiety about things. So that's why I think you're, you're talking about we really need to educate ourselves and learn, you know, we have the science available, so we need to learn it and use it. And when we don't have that information, we're going to experience more stress. So there's a lot of things that throw people into stress and then that shuts down creativity and shuts down everything. You're talking about motivation and so forth. So I'm wondering what are some of the foundational things? I mean, we know you mentioned mindfulness. There's research showing that a mindfulness practice actually increases neuroplasticity. It also nudges the reshaping of the neural architecture in some beneficial ways, but it overall increases neuroplasticity. We also know that exercise is actually probably as much as anything increases neuroplasticity. So I'm wondering if you could talk about maybe globally how someone who, you know, they're hearing this and yeah, I really want, I want change. I want to really create, you know, the success I aspire to in life. And how do I get started? How do I set myself up for success?

Great question. Two things. Stress activates the stress circuit gets triggered when current demand exceeds current capacity.

Current demand exceeds current capacity. So the question then becomes, how do I increase my capacity so I'm not stressed? Part 1 Part 2 I'll share a story with you that'll put this into perspective. Many years ago, when my mother was still Alive in her mid-80s, my mother unfortunately was manic depressive for most of her life, 70 years. She was on pills, pills and medication and would go into depression for years at a time. And I used to go and visit her in Montreal where she lived. And this one trip before she passed, she was in a really bad state, like three years of depression in a retirement home with full time help and a great facility. And I would go and see her on this one particular trip, she was like in a really bad state. And you know, I give her a hug and kiss when I came in. As I fly In I'd go and see her. And I said to my mother, trying to get her to, you know, be a little bit happier, you know. I said, hey, mom, you know, I just got off the plane. Why don't you do some stretching with me so I can loosen up and so can you? And she's like, no. I said, mom, come on. I just flew in from San Diego. Just. Just, you know, move your hands up and down like this. No. And she's looking at me. She's getting angry with me. I said, okay, okay, okay. You know, just. Just one little thing. Take your finger and just do this with your left finger two times. So she's looking at me. She's angry. She puts her finger on. She just goes, one, two. You happy? I go, yeah, I'm very, very happy. But your other four fingers are not happy. So can you do me a favor? Just move the other one. One, two. The other one. One, two. And just do all five fingers. So she's angry. She's looking at me, and she does the four. The four other fingers on her left hand. I said, mom, your right hand is unhappy. Now, you can't do the left hand and not do the right hand. I said, just do this with me. 1, 2. So she's reluctantly moving her fingers. I'm making the story really short. Next day, went back to see her. I said, yesterday, you moved left fingers, right fingers. They were happy. What about doing it again today? She reluctantly did it with less resistance. I said, now, since you did that easily, why don't you just lift your left leg up? And she's in her mid-80s. Then right leg up. Just two times she did that fleet. I was there for two weeks. On the 10th or 11th day, we were going downstairs to the exercise room, and my mother was on the bike for 15 minutes. Just two weeks later, starting with this.

Within a year, she was going down there on her own with her walker. The day before she was diagnosed with COVID and died five days later, she was in the gym exercising and walking the halls. So, fleet, here's how we do it. We reduce it to the ridiculously small, do the one thing that gets you off stuck, and start off with a little challenge. One thing for seven days for one small outcome. It doesn't matter how small it is, because what happens is as soon as we fire those neurons of a new behavior, we now can reinforce that new behavior. Now, once we reinforce that new behavior, it's a thought, an emotion, or a physical behavior, we can now strengthen that pattern. And here's what happens. What's hard today is easier a week from now. What's easier a week from now is much easier four weeks from now. And here is the key. The initial habit is more important than.

How long you do it for, how complex it is. Because what we want to do is develop the habit, so then the habit develops us. So you want to, you want to get better at anything, commit to one minute of it. You don't want to do a minute. Commit to 30 seconds. You want to do 30 seconds, reduce it until the resistance goes away. And once the resistance goes away, focus on consistency versus intensity or complexity. Let me repeat that. Once the resistance goes away, you focus on consistency versus intensity or complexity. We can always add intensity and complexity after. So no matter where you are. If my mother could go from manic depressed for three years to exercising on the bike to the day before she was admitted to the hospital, anybody can change.

So clearly your mother and I'm sorry for your loss as well.

She was getting some intrinsic rewards. She was just started to exercise. She probably started to feel a little better. She just, the energy is moving in her body. She's feeling a little, so she was getting some, some rewards. So you're talking about, you know, reduce it down to the, to the resistance disappears and then focus on consistency. So how can we build in, you know, some rewards? I mean, we're getting into the area of goal setting, tracking things. I mean, how can we set up, you know, because if, if I'm waiting for the big reward that's, you know, quite a ways down, you know, if I'm, if I'm not getting some rewards along the way, you know, I'll get distracted, you know, and now I'm off, now I'm off the thing. Right. So how do I, how do I kind of keep myself in that, in that new pathway with, with building in the rewards and maybe some measurements and so forth.

Sure. So the reward for my mother initially was that I was leaving her alone and not bugging her anymore. So her reward, okay, was negative based, kind of like, leave me alone. But what she didn't know is the fact that she was doing it. She actually started to feel proud. And once she started to feel proud, she want to keep that momentum going. So here's the thing that we can, that we can use is ask ourselves, how do I feel after I do this? Do I feel proud of myself? Well, that's activating the nucleus accumbens and insula part of the brain to release that dopamine is There a reward in sharing it with somebody else, releasing oxytocin, right. Or in, in, in a group. So the reward can be intrinsic or extrinsic within us or external to us. Now she was getting a big reward because I was smiling, I was happy. Her caregiver was smiling, her caregiver was happy, she was making progress. So she got the reward of at least moving a little bit. And I made sure she was aware of it and so did her caregiver. And so we gave her a lot of praise, you know, a lot of reinforcement of the pattern that she had just started. Initially, there wasn't much reward that she felt that she was depressed, right? So she couldn't feel a lot. She had suppressed her feelings for so long. But the very fact that dopamine was released when she did it, the very fact that she, her brain was mirroring my excitement, her caregiver's excitement is something called mirror neurons in the brain. So when my mirror neurons were active in happiness and in pride for her, her mirror neurons were actually doing it for her. And so initially, the reason I like to have a three day goal or a one day goal, the three day goal and a seven day goal is to have something in the near future that you can celebrate. So after she did this, the first day, I celebrated with her because you didn't want to do it and then you did it. High five. Way to go.

So anything you can do to acknowledge, to celebrate, to reinforce, or anything that you do with somebody to encourage, reinforce so that they get the excitement for it is very, very good for them. Now if you can celebrate in a bigger way, that's great. But if somebody's at like ground zero, we want to reinforce the smallest behavior. It doesn't have to be like go and eat a big meal type of thing.

So you kind of alluded to this here. The reinforcement from yourself and from the caregivers. And we're all part of, we're social beings, we're part of existing social networks, our families, our friends. And if we get inspired to change our lives and really start growing and changing, that can kind of upset that those social networks, you know, in fact, a lot of us end up in social networks kind of, you know, it's almost like that thermostat that's going to keep us at the level that we're operating in life, right? And if we start getting too successful, we're going to make them nervous, they're going to make us nervous. It's not going to work. And so I'M wondering about the importance of. Not that we're going to suddenly abandon our families because we want to change, but of just being aware of how the influence of other people and that we do need some, we need to structure and some positive influence of other people that are also on some path to change, some path to wanting to be more successful in their lives. And success doesn't have to be about being rich. Success in whatever domain of our life is important to us, but the feeling that we're actually evolving and changing and growing and moving forward in our life. And if we're not around anybody that's doing that or that shares that motivation or appreciation, it's going to be, it's going to be double hard on us.

Yeah, there's, there's an enormous amount of research on how important our social circles are and our environments. So whether it's our, our bedroom, our bathroom, our living room, our office. Right. If it's an environment that inspires us, instill spirit into us, we want to express and grow more full. If it expires us, if they expire us, they're draining energy from us. So it's very, very critical, you know, for us to surround ourselves in the environment with people. You know, you and I, before, you know, we started, you know, I, I noticed your books and I'm an avid reader as well. That's an environment of inspiration. It's like there's so much knowledge and in those books that it was kind of like, oh my God, it's all available for me. And so it's an environment of inspiration. So that is very, very critical too. So whether it's a group of people, a church, a synagogue, a non profit, a mastermind, a coaching environment, it lifts us up and we know that the high tide lifts all boats. So let's put ourselves in a position where we can be lifted by the, you know, the people around us or the environment around us and we can lift it up as well.

So seems like in a lot of ways, and you talked before about what is emotion. Emotion is energy in motion and that a lot of what you're talking. You also said that stress is when demand exceeds capacity. So it seems a lot of what we're talking about here is energy and that change requires energy. And a brain is always trying to, well, I want to say the brain's lazy, but the brain has a huge job and it's being flooded with data all the time. So it's trying to conserve energy and seek, it's looking to the easiest, shortest way, basically to keep us alive and to survive. And so we've got to counteract that and that requires energy. So it seems like a lot of what you're focusing on here is how do we, how do we access more energy, how do we hold that energy then how do we work with that energy? And there's all kinds of things that can be leaking our energy all over the place or depleting our energy.

Absolutely. I mean, you know, at the, at the atomic scale, all we are is quanta, energy, light. Right. And if you think about what is the human body made up of, it's a coalesced field of hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and carbon that are, those are the four major elements of the human body. Of course there's others, but the, the gold that's in your body, okay, was made in the furnace of a star, you know, billions of years ago. We are energy. When people say that I don't have any energy, that's their ignorance speaking. All you are is energy. There's a difference between I don't have energy and I'm using up more energy, whether it's to digest my food or to do the things I want to do, than I'm replenishing with. Whether it's through meditation, mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, sleep, those are ways that we replenish energy. Or we activate the energy that's already within the mitochondrial parts of our cell. So we all have more than enough energy. Everything is made up of energy. There's enough energy in a little cube in my hand to boil all the oceans on planet Earth at the same time when we release the energy in the nucleus of an atom. So we need to choose language patterns that give us energy, that activate our potential. We need to deliberately create the emotional states, either ourselves or in our environment to cause us to move towards that which we want to achieve. Yes, we need to upgrade our knowledge and skills so we know what to do, how to do it, when to do it, to conserve energy and to get an outcome that we want. And then if we develop the habits, thought habits, emotional habits, behavioral habits, we can achieve a lot of things while we're still alive.

So you, you referenced some of the ways we replenish our energy and, and just in terms of basic brain health, and we're talking about really, you know, rewiring the brain, optimizing the brain's performance for health and well being and life success and so forth.

We know that the basics of getting enough sleep, a healthy diet, getting exercise, good hydration, these are foundational and go A long way to creating a really healthy brain, preventing dementia, preventing other times of cognitive decline and so forth. And of course, these require habits as well. I mean, if to take good care of ourselves and get enough rest and get enough hydration and eat, a good diet and exercise enough, these all require training the brain. So it's kind of a circular loop here that, that we get, we can get into. I guess this gets into the notion we can get into a virtuous cycle with all these things. Or you can be in a non virtuous cycle.

Absolutely. And, and I think everybody, you know, if I started this sentence, everybody would finish it for me. We are all creatures of.

Habit.

So what is a habit?

Right.

A habit is an automatic sequence that our brain has developed to conserve energy.

That's all a habit is. So if we have a habit of thinking or feeling negative or down or depressed, how do we create a new habit of feeling up, positive and expressed? Right. Depressed, express. Well, we know how to do that. If we have a habit of repeating a certain pattern that gives us a result we don't want, we need to interrupt that thought, emotional or behavioral pattern or habit, and replace it. Think about it maybe a little bit differently. Why do people upgrade their software on their phones? Why does the television company upgrade the software through the wires on your television? Why do we upgrade our operating system and the software on our computer? Well, because we know how and we know the, the requirements to do that. Because better software equals more efficiency, speed, whatever the case might be better utilization. Well, when we're dealing with our brain, the brain is the hardware. The operating system, okay, runs the software. When we're talking about, you know, rewiring the software now it's a function of. Well, how can I do that? My brain, my software, my conditioning, my habits. So we're not a tree, we can change. Now, is change easy?

No.

The only human that likes change is a wet baby. The rest of us resist it. Why? Because of the third priority of the brain. Conserve energy. Don't expend energy, conserve energy. But if we're using energy to operate our current habits and the outcome, the output, the results are not what we want. If we don't change, then we're settling. If we don't change, then we regret. If we don't change, then life goes by and we go, oh, my God, why didn't I change? What I could have?

So here is the question, and this is based on somebody I'm sure you know, who's a dear friend of mine, Jim Rohn. Many years ago, Right. He said, in life, you're either going to pay the price of discipline or you're going to pay the price of regret. He says, discipline today weighs ounces. Regret tomorrow weighs tons.

So is change easy? No. But is it easier than the pain, okay, of remaining the same?

See, the only time most humans change is when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change or discomfort.

I think that really points to the value of really doing some deep self reflection. Similarly, that exercise that I think his name was Brown, Mr. Brown did with you and at lunch that day, you know, to really get clear about. Be willing to dream and get clear about what we really do want in life and what's really important to us and allow ourselves to think a little bigger about life. And if we get clear about that and see that, then the pain of not going there starts to become quite a powerful force. And then if we can make it more than about ourselves, like, if I could achieve that, then I could do this for my children and this for my community and this for my family. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and the bigger it gets, the pain of not doing it becomes enormous. So we can use that psychology in our favor.

And then in many cases, then we're ashamed, then we have guilt, then we worry even more, and it makes it.

Harder and harder and harder when we're.

In a destructive or negative pattern. Let me share a story that I think may resonate. Many years ago, about five, this woman came to one of our virtual events like this, and her name is Kat Browma Brooks. She was in her early 80s. She was a wedding planner for about 50 years in Hawaii, and her business was just about bankrupt. And she came to one of our events. She said, is it too late for me to change? Is it too late for me to save my business? Too late for me to do the things that I want to do? And I said to her, I said, of course it's not too late if you are committed to changing and committed to some new behaviors. So her wedding planning business was just about bankrupt, didn't have any money, and she started to do some of the things we've talked about today. She wrote her vision for what she would like her life and her business to be like. She wrote a goal, goal for what she wanted to earn. She wrote a goal that she wanted to travel somewhere special with her husband. Twelve months later, she sends me an email. Actually, it was 18 months later. She sent me an email, says, john, I started to follow your inner sizes and brain training protocols. I made $247,000 in the last 12 months. I took 55 grand. I took my husband and I on a trip to Thailand. Business class, first class hotel. We did a 30 day trip. It was the trip of a lifetime. That's the good news. The challenging news is that he died from cancer just a short while after. But before he died, he told me how proud he was of me and how I had made his life a masterpiece.

In her early 80s, wow. He was committed. She created a vision, she created some goals. She developed the beliefs necessary. And yes, she upgraded some of her skills. She didn't understand some stuff that needed to be done. But her why was bigger than her circumstances. Her why was bigger than the failure. Her why was bigger than any story, reason or excuse me. And I would beg people, okay, to focus on how you can not why you can't.

And the great news is we have so much information available today. We know how to do it, we know how to do all this. I mean there's so much information out there on habit science today. So many great books on habit science. There's so much. And really making it pretty simple if we're willing to apply ourselves. And you know, I mean that's really the, really the goal of this whole summit is to get this information to more and more people.

That's right.

Because so many people are walking around, you know, it's just the way I am, I've always been that way, or this is my circumstances or. And feeling kind of victimized by life and. And you know, it really is just ignorance. And I don't mean that, as you said, it's not in a pejorative way. It's just people lack knowledge, they just flack, they don't know.

Yeah, there's a difference between being stupid and being ignorant. Stupid is hard to fix. Ignorant is easy to fix. But you have to have somebody willing to learn and willing to change.

Well, this has been really fabulous, John. I really appreciate it so much. I'm wondering where you think.

Things are changing so fast with an AI coming online with the way it's just come out into the marketplace place in the last year or two even. And, but neuroscience developing so quickly and neuropsychology and. And then there's various forms of neurotechnology that you know. So where do you see all this going? Where do you see us in 5, 10, 15 years in terms of being able to leverage all this scientific knowledge and perhaps technology to live our best lives and to really Go after our dreams.

So on the neuroscience, as our computational abilities become stronger and our analysis abilities become stronger, like with AI that can do things at the quantum level of analysis, we're going to be able to, number one, understand more about the human brain in the next five years than we've discovered in the last 40. Part one, part two, the neurotechnology interfaces, Whether it's a neural chip, which, you know, I think everybody knows, Elon Musk is working on neural link. There's a guy that was able to, who was paralyzed, paraplegic, that was just able to walk just two weeks ago because of the implant of a neural chip in his brain, sending a signal to his legs, and he was able to walk, is going to happen more and more and more. The ability for blind people to see, the ability for us to upload or download information from the human brain over the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years, I believe we'll be there having.

Artificial intelligent assistance to help us learn, to be motivated, to be inspired, to upgrade our skills faster, easier, better than ever before at the level that we're at. Imagine if my mother could have had somebody every day just nudging her a little bit, and based on what she did or didn't do, it would scale back or scale forward, almost like a personal assistant that would be geared towards helping me make progress, overcoming limitations, removing obstacles, moving forward, information, strategies, plans on demand, like in seconds, even. As far as knowing what you need in advance of you knowing it, that's the era that we've. We're in right now. It's not that we're getting there. We're already in it. And so our lives are about to change in a very, very drastic way. And for those who resist change, it'll be very, very difficult. For those who embrace it, it'll be a phenomenal time in the world where we can, you know, be in alternative realities. We could, we could have more awareness, more fun, more knowledge, more. But with that is also going to come, you know, some challenging times for people. Like, if we're going to be in a constant state of joy and bliss, you know, what will that do to our dopamine and serotonin oxytocin in our brain? So I think we're going to have to temper it. I know we have the ability to. And I know for those who focus on how can I embrace the change? How can I start slow, all right, and then just get better with time? It can be a magical time in our lives.

Yeah. And sadly, the gap between those who are willing to change and educate themselves and those who are not doing that is going to get wider and wider.

It will. It's already happening. It will.

And.

But that's also the evolution of the species. Smarter, better, faster. Many years ago, I was in the Galapagos Islands and we went from one island to the next and we were actually following Darwin's, Darwin's path on the Beagle. And I bought a hat there that I look at every morning when I go into my closet to get dressed. And the hat simply states, adapt or become extinct.

There you go.

Here. Here is the beautiful news, everyone. It's your choice to adapt. It's your choice not to choose wisely.

Well, thank you so much for all the work you're doing to give us all more choices and to give us the information and the methodologies we need to move forward so should we choose to do so. And thank you very much for your contributions to this summit. It's been a great, great, real joy having this conversation with you.

Thank you, Flea. It's been wonderful being with you and your audience.

Audience be well.

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