Marci Shimoff | The Secret to Happiness for No Reason

Welcome to the Radical responsibility podcast. I'm Dr. Fleet Mola and I'm excited to guide you on a journey of authentic transformation. In each episode, I'll bring you insights from leading experts to explore trauma recovery, mindfulness practices, positive psychology, and innovative breakthroughs in health, wellness and life optimization. This is a space for real conversations that inspire meaningful change, helping you find alignment with the person you were always meant to be. Let's get started.

What if happiness wasn't something you had to chase, but something you could live from, no matter what life throws your way? In today's episode, I'm joined by Marcy Shimhoff, a true pioneer in the field of happiness and well being. In our conversation, we explore what it really takes to stop living at the mercy of success, approval, or external conditions and start building the habits that create lasting fulfillment. Marci's work shows us how to fill that gap from within and how that shift can transform not only our own lives, but the lives of everyone we touch. Let's get started. My name is Dr. Fleet Mall, your co host for this session, and I'm really happy to be here today with Marcy Schimoff. Welcome, Marcy.

Thank you. It's great to be here with you, Fleet.

What got you started in this exploration of happiness and the possibility of kind of unconditional happiness, happiness for no reason.

Well, what got me started? You know, people think, oh, Marcy, you were always happy, right? And my answer is absolutely not. I was born depressed. I came out of the womb with existential angst. I had a great family, great parents, all things on the outside looked wonderful. I now think that. But I had this sort of dark cloud around me. I think that it was probably either ancestral trauma that I had inherited or perhaps in past life, ptsd. But I just really remember as a little kid, all the other kids playing, and I thought, how could they play when there's such suffering in the world? So my solution as a kid to my unhappiness was something called sugar. I became a sugar addict at a young age, and by the time I was in high school, I was about 35 pounds overweight. Obviously, the sugar solution, it doesn't work. It makes things worse. So when I was in my 20s, I did what a lot of people do. I decided, I'm going to figure out this happiness thing and I'm going to get happy. And to do that, I set goals for myself because that's what people were doing, set goals. Once you get those goals, then you'll be happy. And I'm Just going to share with you. I had five goals. I'll share them with you, Fleet, because I think a lot of people will relate. I wanted a successful career helping people. I wanted a wonderful husband or life partner, fabulous friends, a comfortable home, and the equivalent of Halle Berry's body. I got four out of the five. I don't have Halle Berry's body, but I have a healthy body, for which I'm very grateful. And I worked really hard in my 20s and 30s to get all my ducks in a row. And I had a turning point moment. It was in 1998, and I had three books in the top five on the new York Times bestseller list. At the same time, I had just finished giving a speech to 8,000 people. I had autographed 5,432 books. My client had hired a massage therapist to keep massaging my hands so I could keep on signing. And on one hand, I felt like an author, rock star. But after autographing that last book, I went up to my hotel room, which was the penthouse suite that my client had gotten for me. And I walked over to these huge windows overlooking. I was in Chicago, so it was overlooking Lake Michigan. And I took it, that amazing view. And then I turned around and I collapsed onto the bed. And I burst into tears. And I burst into tears because I realized that all of that emptiness that I'd had as a kid, it was still there. I still felt that kind of despair, really. And I could no longer fool myself into thinking that just the next thing would make me happier. I realized it'd make me happier for a little while. But soon I'd go back to the same old place. And I'd just be on this little hamster wheel. And I just said, I can't do this. And I decided in that moment, I'm going to figure out what it takes to be happy. So I interviewed all of the top researchers out there, and I interviewed a hundred unconditionally happy people. And I started doing what they were telling me. I started doing what they were doing. And I was shocked because it actually worked. It really worked. You know, I would say back then, if you were grading me in happiness, I was failing. I'd get a D in happiness. I would say, today I'm an A. I'm still a work in progress, but it's solid and this stuff works. And I got so excited about the fact that it worked that I ran out and shared it with people. It worked for them. And that's how it got me on this whole Track of Teaching Happy for no reason well, let's talk about what.

You mean by happiness for no reason. So I think it's quite natural that most of us associate happiness and unhappiness with the current circumstances of our life can be internal circumstances of how we're feeling, what's going on with our mind and body. But a lot of it's external circumstance, the quality of our relationships, our bank account, our home, our surroundings, whether the world seems to be cooperating with us or not, things are going our way or they're not. I think most people associate or their felt sense of happiness is pretty influenced by those things. So what do you mean by happiness for no reason?

Yeah, so I had spent my life as most people do because our society teaches us to go for what I call happy for good reason. Happy for good reason is I'm going to be happy because I have a great job or a great spouse or whatever. All the conditions feel good on the outside. The problem is as soon as something happens with those and we know that life is. But one thing we know about is certainly change. It's not a solid foundation for happiness. You know, that's not what I really wanted. I wanted lasting happiness. And so lasting happiness is what I call unconditional happiness. And it's what I've termed happy for no reason. What it means is an inner state of peace and well being that doesn't depend on your circumstances. It doesn't mean that you are walking around 247 with a silly grin on your face. You know, you're going to have things happen in life. You're going to have people will die, you will feel grief, things will happen, you might feel frustrated or upset. But with all those feelings you have an inner backdrop of peace and well being that you carry with you wherever you go. And that is what I mean by happy for no reason. I think it was Deepak Chopra who said that happiness for any reason is just another form of misery. Because if we are attaching our happiness to that thing, then our life is all about I better protect and save that thing. Well, that's not freedom. And ultimately what we all want is freedom.

It's really interesting. You know, I teach a model called Radical Responsibility, the name of my book, and it's all about choice and ownership. And often we focus on the seemingly negative things in our life that we're unhappy about and our instinct to blame that on circumstances or others and how we can, even though it may seem very logical to do so in some cases. The problem is we give away our power because we can't control what's going on out there. So if I'm really unhappy and I feel it's caused by someone or something, I'm giving away power over my internal state. Now, we usually don't think about that in terms of happiness, but it's the same thing. If I'm happy and I attribute the causation of my happiness to something outside myself, then that's likely to change. In fact, it will change. We know, as you said, we know change is the one thing we can count on. So then I'm not happy anymore. Right. So this basing, you know, attributing our causation of our internal state, whether it's happiness or unhappiness to things outside of ourselves is really continually giving our power away. Find our way back into that place, that abiding inner peace and calm that even if we're in the, you know, having an experience of loss and grief, it's still not, it doesn't completely dominate the picture or we're able to work with it in a healthier way because there is this backdrop of peace and calm and unconditional happiness.

Yeah, well, that right there is the million dollar question. And I'm glad we can spend some time talking about how do we create this interstate of peace and well being. But before we get to that, I just want to share one thing. Based on what you said, if our circumstances were the real cause of happiness, then we would find a lot more happiness in Hollywood if fame and money and success and looks, all of that stuff were happiness. You know, we see happiness in Hollywood, we see depression, we see suicide, we don't see that. And for me, the thing that has helped best help me understand this, why this all is, is some of the research that's been done on happiness and speaks about what's called the happiness set point. And the happiness set point is like a thermostat setting. And no matter what happens to us, whether it's good or whether it's bad, we will tend to hover or go back to our thermostat setting until unless we do something consciously to change it. So really the key, the mover in our happiness is our happiness set point. You know, it's why people win the lottery. You think, oh, all I have to do is win the lottery and I'll be happier. Well, they are happier for a few months, but within a year they've returned to their original happiness set point. So the happiness set point is key. And how is the Happiness set point determined. It's 50% genetic. You're born with it. I was not born with the good genes. It's 10%. Your circumstances. Now notice what a tiny piece of the pie that is. 10%. And yet that's what the whole world is focused on. Let me change my circumstances. It's not going to do that much. The other 40% is our habits of thoughts and behavior. That's where we can really move the needle. And I'm going to take it a step further and talk about that genetic piece as well, because there are scientists in the field of epigenetics, which I'm sure you well know about and speak about. You know, Dr. Bruce Lipton, for example, biology of belief, who found that when we change those habits of thoughts, beliefs and actions, we influence or can change our DNA. And what this says is that 90%, then the 40%, that's habits, the 50%, that's DNA. 90% of our happiness can be influenced by shifting our habits. The only difference between happy people and everybody else is, is that they have different habits. So that's really what we want to look at. And what I found is that the happiness habits. There are 21 main happiness habits that I found and they fell into seven main categories. So shall I go into those?

I just want to interject one thing. I'm really happy that we're going there with the set point, because this is what this is really all about. It's about that we all have these blueprints, these sort of maps and belief systems that do create this, like a thermostat. And no matter what we do, we will come back to that set point, back to that blueprint. Until we change the blueprint or change the set point, that's really what this is all about. What if transformation isn't just about thinking differently, but feeling differently? Science shows us that true change happens when we align not just our minds, but also the neural networks in our hearts and guts. This heart mind connection is the key to deeper healing, resilience and expanded awareness. That's why I created the HeartMind. All Access membership and community. A space designed to help you rewire your nervous system, cultivate heart intelligence, and live with greater clarity and purpose. With over 1000 hours of transformational teachings specifically curated to meet your needs. You'll learn from world renowned meditation teachers, neuroscientists and experts in neuroplasticity, all sharing powerful tools to help you shift your mindset and heartset, regulate your emotions and unlock your full potential. You'll Also gain unlimited access to every summit and course we've ever produced. A treasure trove of Wisdom worth over $10,000 and growing. Plus live gatherings and an inspiring global community to support your journey. If you're ready to step into a more heart centered, connected and conscious life, I invite you to join us. Click the link to learn more and start your journey today.

This is why I'm so thrilled about and I just love the work that you do because it really, it's all about this. It's all about what moves the needle really for people. So. Well, I found that There are these 21 happiness habits and seven main categories they fall into. And I found that people have a hard time remembering seven of anything. So I created a metaphor or analogy called building your inner home for happiness. And a home has seven main areas. It's got a foundation, it's got four corner pillars, a roof and a garden. So here's how it relates to these seven areas. And fleet, as we go through these, I'm going to invite, I'm going to ask you to identify which of these seven you feel is the weakest for you. And I'm going to ask everybody else who's listening to do the same because wherever we are the weakest, that's our Achilles heel. And, and I think that's where we often can get started. So these seven areas, the foundation we'll start with is taking responsibility for your life and your happiness. So it's not showing up in life as a victim of life. And you know that you're a victim when you're blaming, shaming or complaining, blaming others for what's wrong and why you can't be happy. Shaming, which is blaming yourself for what's wrong and why you can't be happy. And complaining, blaming the circumstances for what's wrong and why you can't be happy. Anytime you go into those modes or if you have a habit of going into those modes, you've lost the foundation for happiness. So what we say is take responsibility, be a victor in your life. Then there are the four corner pillars, there's the pillar of the mind, our thoughts. Do your thoughts, do your beliefs rob you of your happiness? And this is a lot of what you're focusing on here. Then there's the pillar of the heart. The heart. I've never met a happy person who lived with a closed heart ever. No really happy people with, you know, crummy, closed up hearts. Happy people are generous, they are kind, they are loving, they are compassionate, they are forgiving and all of those things that I've just said, those for others and for themselves. So self compassionate, self forgiving, kind to themselves as well as to others. Then there's the pillar of the body. Do you have the biochemistry of happiness? Do you have enough serotonin and oxytocin and dopamine? And that's by the way, where I was the weakest. And that's where I really needed to focus when I started turning it around for myself. And then there's the pillar of the soul. The soul is how connected are you to the greater energy of life? And I don't care whether you call it God or spirit or the divine or nature, doesn't matter. But do you feel connected to this greater whole of life? Then there is the roof of your home for happiness. And the roof is your purpose or passion in life. Are you living an inspired life? Are you doing what it is you are here on this planet to be doing what some would call your dharma, your life work, life purpose. And then finally there is the garden. And the garden is who you're surrounded by. Do you have a lot of roses and gardenias in your garden? A lot of people who inspire you and support you or. Or do you have a lot of weeds in the garden? People that drag you down? So those are the seven areas. I'll just quickly say em again so everybody can pick where they're the weakest. And that'll give you a chance to responsibility, taking responsibility for your life. The pillar of the mind, the pillar of the heart, the pillar of the soul, pillar of the body. And then there's your purpose or passion in life. And then there's your relationships. So I'm gonna put you on the spot. Where do you think you're the weakest?

Well, I've been working on all seven for a long time now. I know I would say which I'm very happy about and is it definitely it works, but I would say it's the heart. And I say that because got some trauma in my background and I think it caused me to tend to approach life in a fairly guarded way. And I have the really have the capacity to open my heart, but very selectively about how and when and with whom. You know, I was willing to do that which can make sense in some circumstances. But my tendency was to be guarded. And I've been very attracted in my life to certain experiences. Some of the work I do in the Zen peacemaker work or going out on the streets with no money, going to Auschwitz every year, going into prisons Going into tough places because I like being in these places. Because when I'm in those places, I can't kid myself about how open hearted I am or not. Because you can literally feel the heart starting to close to protect yourself quite naturally. And then fortunately you can feel when it opens again and it's really where the rubber meets the road. But I think that's been the ongoing challenge for me. I've often, you know, I've avoided shaming myself for it, but I could see sometimes a slight tendency to that of just wishing, you know, just my natural propensity was just open the heart. And for me it's more like I feel like a little on the other side. My natural potential is be a little more guarded and then with the general effort I can then open. Right. And it's, you know, it's changed a lot over the years, but still there's, I would say that's my weakness. Accounted.

Yeah, well, thank you for that. And I, you know, I really appreciate your honesty and authenticity around that. And you know, it's for all of us. We are all works in progress on these things. And I think by knowing where you tend to perhaps get caught up the most. It's wonderful to have the awareness and then, you know, to notice how can I be loving wherever I am? And those are some pretty big places to be bringing love to, you know, to Auschwitz or to, you know, these other places where you're going. And I think about, there's a story, you probably are familiar with it given your background, but it's a story that for me is it's the real test. And it was a story back when it's about a Buddhist monk and he was prisoner of war, Chinese Risen camp, and was tortured regularly for 10 years. And when he got out, he met with His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. And the Dalai Lama asked him, when did you feel that you were in the most danger? And his answer was, I thought I wouldn't be able to forgive. And he realized, he said the way I could survive this was to know I could forgive in all moments. And you know, Nelson Mandela had a very similar story that he tells about 10 years into his time, he just realized he wasn't going to be loving and forgiving. He wouldn't survive. So I think that it's quite the ultimate test, really.

Yeah, those are wonderful, wonderful. So I had the privilege of spending a day with His Holiness and four people from Tibet, three nuns and a man, a lay person, all of whom had spent time in Chinese communist prisons in Tibet and in China. And it was amazing how for all of them, they'd grown up and been so deeply enculturated in a culture of forgiveness and compassion and openness that even though they're traveling bearing witness to the reality of what was happening there, so people be aware and hopefully bring change, but there was no enmity in their hearts and it was extraordinary their ability to do that. I'll have to say for me that even though I go to those places and I really appreciate being in a place where I can't kid myself about how open hearted I am or not, I. In many ways, the real work for me has been in my primary relationships. And I've been extraordinarily fortunate to have long term relationships with some extraordinary women, including my current beloved wife, Sophie. Previously, I've lost a series of partners to cancer over the years, but I've been blessed to be with some extraordinary women who just would just kind of grab me and say, no, you're not going to die. You can stay here, keep your heart open. I know you're terrified. I may be angry at you, but just, you know, hang in there. I gradually learned not to run away and that I could have my being and my heart open in a face of what felt really challenging and really overwhelming and threatening, probably due to my childhood experiences and that I wasn't going to die and that actually opening my heart was a better survival strategy than to close it. Focused on survival, but this really isn't the case in the end, but it works out better in the long run.

Yes, I'm totally with you. And you know, the thing is also, as you well know, that we catch the emotions of the people around us like we catch their colds. You know, it's called emotional immunity. And people are always asking me, well, Marcy, I can't be happy because I've got this really negative person to be around. And my answer is that the strongest energy wins. That if your love is bigger than somebody else's negativity, they're going to catch what you're having rather than vice versa. And I, a while ago I was in a small group meeting with the Dalai Lama and there were maybe 20 of us and there was this really negative guy in the room. And I remember thinking, oh my God, how's that going to go over? And so the Dalai Lama walks in and he's just, he exudes, it's just contagious. And this really negative guy instantly shifted and was just the most open hearted and loving. So I think that it's. We don't do it just for ourselves. We do it because it impacts everybody around us. We can feel it. You know, they say the research shows that our happiness affects at least five people out. So that means you being happier is affecting your neighbor's cousin's son's school teacher, you know, and so this is. We do it for ourselves, we do it for our families, we do it for the world.

Absolutely. So in a moment I'd like to explore, many of us are dealing with what are sometimes called limiting core beliefs. And generally they have to do with beliefs about ourselves where we're not enough, we're not smart enough, tall enough, rich enough, famous enough, happy enough, you know, handsome enough, beautiful enough, what have you, or there's not enough in the world to go around. There's not enough land, water, fame, you know, and so forth. And so we tend to get into that scarcity mentality. But before going there, I just want to also contextualize for our conversation. There seems to be kind of a, in some ways, a relative and ultimate view of this or different ways to work. On the one hand, there's like limiting core beliefs. I think, I'm sure there's a way we can work with those. We can look at them, understand them, deconstruct them, change them, transform them. But would you agree that in some ways what you're calling happiness for no reason is actually our natural state once the things that are in the way clear away? So it's not like something we're trying to get, we don't have? And then on a relative level, of course, there's all kinds of things we can do to clear away those things. But I wonder if you would agree with that 100%.

Absolutely. I really believe that who we are, in essence is joy, unconditional happiness, love, all of those things and everything else, these beliefs have been superimposed on that. So I'm with you. I think there's really two ways to approach these limiting beliefs. One is to approach it from the level of identity. You know, I'm not those beliefs. Who is the person that is seeing those beliefs or experiencing that? It's re identification. It's, you know, the spiritual path of who am I? And re identifying with the essence of who we are, which is much more than the personality. You know, recognizing the soul and identifying as the soul. And then of course, there is the personality stuff too. And there are powerful, brilliant, amazing ways to deal with helping shift those limiting beliefs so that they're more functional. I would Say, but ultimately what we're on the planet for is to awakening to the truth that that isn't even who I am.

Amazing. And the power of identity on the negative side, I think that's often what really blocks change. Because I hear from so many people, many are working in all kinds of settings with all kinds of folks in the criminal justice system. A lot, you know, of hearing people say things, well, that's just the way I am. And, you know, we have whatever set of, you know, habits and thinking patterns and beliefs, behavioral tendencies, and we just get identified with that. We think that's just who I am, and that's not likely to change. And that over identification. Right. Whereas if we can develop some kind of consciousness practice some kind of awareness practice, where we can look at that stuff and say, okay, that's all there, and it's influencing what's going on in my life right now. But it's not me, because there's somebody here looking at that. Who's that?

Exactly. Exactly. It's consciousness. It's awareness. It's not something that we're used to doing. It's not. And I think, of course, spiritual practices are direct us in that way. But yes, you know, it's interesting because it's so clear that we as humans have what scientists call the negativity bias. You know, they say that the average person has 60,000 thoughts a day, and for the average person, 80% of those thoughts are negative. We inherited the tendency from our cavemen ancestors who needed to remember the negatives to survive. We no longer need that. I imagine you may be familiar with Dr. Rick Hansen, who's a dear friend of mine and wrote Hardwiring Happiness, and he likes to call it the Velcro Teflon Syndrome, that our minds are like Velcro for the negative. They stick to us, but like Teflon for the positive. And what I've seen is that happy people do work on those old beliefs and reprogramming them so that happy people have reversed that tendency so that the positives stick to them, they Velcro them, and the negatives slide off of them. And there are certainly brilliant and amazing ways to develop new neural pathways in the brain. Be on the lookout for the good, Savor it for at least 30, 20 seconds and really spend more time on that. And there are also some very fabulous tools these days for helping release the old, more negative belief systems. So I'm all for that angle. And I'm also all for the angle of recognition of the truth of who we really are. Which to me is really the spiritual orientation of identification as the soul.

Yeah, I think it's really important to hold both because. And I love Rick Hanson's work. He's a close friend and colleague. And I kind of like to say, you know, the human condition is what it is and we do have pure and survival based biology or we wouldn't be here as this. I mean, it's job one for any species is survival. But it doesn't need to completely dominate our lives. And in modern society our survival isn't as at stake all the time as it was now for some people on the planet it still is very much. But many of us do live lives of tremendous privilege and where there's always risk and there's always danger in life, but it's not the way our brains evolved on the savannah when there was no protection and there were much larger creatures that would have enjoyed us for breakfast and lunch and so forth. So there is this negativity bias and it does set us up for negativity and it explains a lot of what we see in the world around us. Just the focus on negativity and drama and that all the popular media just dominated by negative and toxic drama ever more so in the politics and everywhere. Instead of seeing all that and thinking, oh, how horrible that is, can have compassion and understand that's just a human condition. You could say run amok, but it really is just doing its thing unless we proactively do otherwise. So on the one hand we can say, and I very much believe that happiness is our natural state, joy is our natural state, that we are innately unconditional, good, whole and joyful beings. And at the same time, when we're born a body, we do have this fear and survival biology. And so we do need to exercise consciousness to rise above that. And as human beings we all have that capacity. Right? But it does, it takes both. And becoming conscious, we can realize that fear and survival based biology has a place, but it's not meant to run, run the show and run our minds and dominate our lives. Right. So I think it's helpful for people to understand what they're up against in terms of their own biology. Right. That we're kind of set up like Rick Hansen says, you know, we've evolved, our brains have evolved to be like Velcro for negativity and memory of risk and so forth, danger and like Teflon for positive experiences. I wonder if we could talk about for a moment because I just want to play the devil's advocate a bit here. Right. So today we hear sometimes terms like spiritual bypassing. We hear even terms like toxic happiness, which I think is a kind of counterproductive term. I understand where people are going with it, but I'm not sure it's such a helpful term. But suffice it to say, you know, there's an endemic of depression and anxiety and addiction and suicidality in the world, and especially among younger people, but really in all age groups. And if we look at the world around us, there is a lot that one could be anxious about. And we're all facing the existential threat of human caused climate change today. And we see all this divisiveness in our politics and all the war and forced migration, everything that's going on now. I think we need to keep things in perspective. That reality, if you look at the data, we're doing better than we ever have as a human race, except for one thing, except that we're up against this existential threat of human caused climate change that changes the game. But nonetheless, because again, it's the negativity bias. And you have to know that the news media is completely driven by the negativity bias. And that's feeding our addiction to negativity. Right.

As I understand it, it's an addiction, it's a chemical addiction to cortisol. You know, I want to watch that news because that news is going to feed me, it's going to give me that cortisol or it's going to increase maybe my dopamine.

And so we, whatever neurochemical mixes in our brain, most of the time we become addicted to it, habituated to it, addicted to it. Right. So what do we say to people? You know, you're talking about being happy and being happy for no reason. And I look around, there's a lot of suffering, there's a lot to be worried about. I struggle with even feeling the right to be happy. How you kind of had that experience as a young girl, right? You know, how dare I be happy when so many people are suffering?

It's such a, it's such a great question. And so many people that are, so many people are empaths. So we feel what's going on in the world. We feel pain of people all around us. The first very practical answer to that is it does nobody any good for you to be wallowing in misery. Because that just, that certainly doesn't help the equation. It's really more of that, that foundation I spoke about, which is about taking responsibility for your life and your Happiness where you have the ability, no matter what the circumstances are, to choose how you're going to come at them. I think maybe one of the best examples of that is Viktor Frankl. I mean, I read Man's Search for Meaning when I was in high school, and that book, just probably one of the most meaningful books I ever read. You know, where he says, here we are with hardly anything, and yet we found a way to give away our bread. We always have the ability to choose our attitude, what it is we're focusing on. And so I think the power of focus cannot be underestimated, that it doesn't help the people in war right now if I am just absolutely devastated. What does help is if I take back power in my own life, find my own place of strength, alignment and clarity, and from that, come at this from a place of what can I do now? Where am I inspired to take action? So it's more from me taking action from where I'm inspired to. You know, I may be inspired to deal with climate, somebody else may be inspired to help people who are refugees. I mean, it just. It's. Where are you placed on the planet to do what you are here to be doing? And I can't know what that other person's, other people's destiny is. I don't understand all of the big picture of life, but I will say this. The most important question. One of my very favorite quotes of Einstein is, Einstein said that the most important question we can ask ourselves is this a benevolent universe, and people who are happy will always say yes. Now, that doesn't mean that everything is going their way. What it means is they believe that life is here in an evolutionary way to help support us all in our greater awakening. And so, rather than looking at how terrible this is in my life, look at what's the gift in this? What's the lesson in this? What's in this for me? Life is for me, not against me. And I would say that that is an attitude to take for the greater world. I don't know why there is the war that we have, but what I know is I'm going to live the best life I can live, and then I'm going to act where I most feel inspired to act to make the world a better place. And I've always been very cautious of spiritual bypass. It is not that. It's not ignoring what's there, it's seeing what is really there and choosing what I call radical gratitude. Anyway. And radical gratitude is, for me, gratitude for three things. It's gratitude for what is that you love. That's easy to feel gratitude for. It's gratitude for the icky stuff. It's gratitude for what's in front of you that you don't love, but you have gratitude because you trust that this is in your favor, life is in your favor, and there's a reason for it. And then it's gratitude for the future. It's gratitude for what it is that you want to be bringing in, envisioning. So I think, you know, that is. That's the best answer I've come to for that question. I'd love to hear your answer to that, actually.

Well, I do believe it's. We live in a benevolent universe. But, you know, I've been trained in the Buddhist tradition and this idea is not only in Buddhism, but it's so emphasized there of understanding this kind of distinction between looking at reality from the kind of relative window or the kind of ultimate window. And ultimately, yes, I believe the universe is benevolent and we're part of life and it's an evolutionary play of consciousness that is ultimately benevolent and whose nature is. What's its nature is ultimately love. On a relative level, life can be very challenging. And on a relative level, the universe can seem pretty impersonal in many ways. So. But I think it is important to find our way into an experience of benevolence, that our, our nature is benevolence, that the nature of life is benevolence. And also from that question, when we're looking at all that unhappiness and suffering in the world, as you said, you know, my unhappiness is not going to contribute to changing that. My empathy, my compassion, and I think can be very helpful, but I think can be helpful to have the insight that all that suffering we see out in the world is an expression of unhappy. It's unhappy people that are creating the suffering with and for themselves and for others. It's coming out of trauma. It's coming out of our collective trauma. And, you know, hurt people, hurt people, unhappy people act in ways that create more suffering and which is not to blame them, it's just the way it works. So if we're really concerned about the state of the world, what we want to contribute to that is more happiness and more gratitude and more love. And so it can seem a little bit counterintuitive, but I think it's really important to think about these things deeply because I know so many people who are naturally empathic and they get caught up in what's going on in the world and spend, you know, do the doom scrolling on their phones and focused on the news. And I hear constantly from people, even people who are longtime meditators, I keep getting caught up in the news and I get so depressed and so anxious, you know, and so I think it's important to think deeply about these things. And I think the way you express it is extremely helpful that it's not an either or thing, being empathic and not turning away from reality and being willing to show up in life and also doing the work to have that internal state of peace and calm and happiness. So I think what we're pointing to there is resilience. And I wonder if you could talk a bit about resilience because, you know, life is very challenging and things are seem. Even though I think in some ways you could say things are better than they've ever been. But there are some real challenges today, and climate change is a big one, and that's going to have all kinds of effects if we're not able to turn it around. So how do we develop that resilience to be in a world without spiritual bypassing, you know, be in touch with reality and not have that drive us back into despair and unhappiness, but be able to stay in that place of unconditional happiness and peace and calm and bring that to the world?

Yeah, well, it's a great question. And yes, I think resilience is key to everything. And it comes back to the model that I had of the building your inner home for happiness. Generally, if something's gonna get you down, it's gonna get you down in that one area. That's your Achilles heel. So I find for me, if something else is. If something is going on in my life that might drag my happiness down, the place I need to start is the place of the body, because that's where I am. That's my weak link. I tend to have low serotonin. So I've learned certain practices that I can do that just instantly raise my. Not instantly, but very wonderfully raise my serotonin. I mean, they're crazy things that I would never have known about had I not done the research. And I'll give you just a quick example of this. A friend of mine who's a qigong master, Chin Itzong. A Chin Itzong master. His name is Ajilles Marin. And I was telling him about, you know, low serotonin. And he said, marcy, the fastest way you can raise your serotonin is by doing this simple Practice called a sunning meditation. You stand out in the sun, I'll tell you what to do if there's no sun and you close your eyes. Super important. You do this with your eyes closed. You face the sun and you let the sun's rays come in through your closed eyelids, hitting the middle of your brain, the pineal gland, and then showering that light, that warmth down through your whole system. He said if you were to do that two to three minutes a day, twice a day for two to three minutes, within a week you will have reset your serotonin. And so I tried it and it was amazing. It really, really helped. And now when people come to me and they say they tend towards low serotonin, I say just try this little thing and see what happens. The reason I bring this up is that for each person where their weak link happened, where if something challenges their happiness and they need resilience, the very first line of defense is to go towards where your weaker link is. So for example, for you, I'd say, you know, where can you open your heart more around what's going on since you mentioned the heart. So I think that's, you know, my best advice for people is to just be aware of where they most are going to catch that happiness slipstream the most easily.

I'm going to try that practice. I love that I have about two and a half hour self care routine I do in the morning and all kinds of different things and I try to get out in early sun as well. And I've done various things in relation to sun and solar light and silver, but I haven't done that one in particular. So I'm going to try it.

Yeah, it's a great one. By the way. People always ask me, well what do I do if I'm, if it's raining out or if there's no sun. Even if there's clouds and you can feel the rays coming through the clouds, you can still do it. But if it's raining out or you for whatever reason can't go outside, you can do this similar practice, but with eyes opened. This time looking at something beautiful in nature, whether it's flowers or trees or whatever, it won't go as quickly for you. But nature is naturally serotonin producing.

It's good to remember that we are energetic beings and as my friend Dan Siegel says, energy is not a woo woo concept, it's scientific, it's real. We are energetic beings and we're essentially the most basic level, made of light, made of photons. So we are light beings and so it's quite natural that like flowers turn towards the sun. Quite makes sense that we would as well. So one of your primary offerings in the world is now the year of miracles. I wonder if you could talk about that a little bit and what you call living in the miracle zone.

Yeah, well, about 12 years ago, I found myself waking up every morning and feeling like I'm not just happy, but I'm living this miraculous life. It felt like I didn't know what would happen during the day, but I knew that amazing opportunities would come my way or people would show up that just had exactly the right answers. And I was in that state of flow and I felt like I'm living in what I call the miracle zone. So here's the thing. I looked up the definition of the word miracle and the miracle. According to the dictionary, miracle is a surprise and welcome event that can't be explained by science and that's often attributed to divine grace. So we can't create miracles. Miracles are a gift of the divine. But what we can do is we can create the circumstances for miracles to show up in our lives. We can be in that flow of life. And you know, athletes know it the zone, when they're athletically in the zone. Well, I say in life we can be in the zone. And so that's what I found. Just as there are principles and habits that help us live a happier life, there are principles and habits that help us live more in the miracle zone. And so I put together this program 12 years ago called you'd Year of Miracles. And I am blown away. It's a year long program. We've had 5,000 people a year from 87 countries. And the energy is so amazing because you're not doing it alone, you're doing it with this whole collective. We've had miracles in all ways with people, of course, healings, miraculous healings. We've had people who've never felt good about themselves just falling in love with themselves. We've had people meeting their life partners. We've had all kinds of businesses coming out of the blue, putting yourself in the miracle zone. You have no idea what may unfold for you, but what I've seen is just quite something.

So you're connecting the miracle zone with this state of flow. You referenced what athletes call the zone and has been called the flow. Csiksamahali's book about flow states. And you know, many of us, because of stress and living in core beliefs and a negativity bias and all of it and trauma find ourselves with nervous systems that are fairly dysregulated and living in a state of dysregulation, which is kind of the opposite of the flow state you're talking about. And so how do we find our way back into flow? And I think a lot of things we've been talking about are just that. And your seven, the seven elements of your 21 habits, yes. Are probably ways that we can find our way back into flow. I wonder about just kind of really sort of direct embodiment approaches to finding our way into flow and to develop that internal coherence which is a palpable flow state, which can be very healing and bring our nervous system into more state of harmony.

Oh, I absolutely couldn't agree with you more about these embodiment practices and you know, practices that really help us experience more freedom in the body. And you know, there are so many practices, beautiful practices out there. I work in the Year of Miracles. My co leader in the program is. One of my co leaders is Dr. Sue Mortar, who wrote the Energy Codes. And it's all about embodiment. And you know, there are simple practices also that you can do. Just putting one hand on your heart, the other hand on your belly, helps the vagus nerve, helps settle the whole body down. There's all kinds of tools out there that are just wonderful. And I'm all for all of them for me. And what I've seen works best and is to get a toolkit together of the things that work best for you, whether it's tapping or whether it's, you know, certain kind of breathing. But I think, you know, 20, 30 minutes to devote to practices that really help establish your body in the flow state. It's important.

So, you know, your bio said you were associated with the movie the Secret, the film the Secret. So I wanted just to ask you a question about. And this kind of connects with the idea of year miracles. This is the whole world of manifesting and this idea of manifesting. And you know, there is one area of that that can seem sometimes a little simplistic, a little naive. Now friend and colleague James Doty from Stanford is recently coming out.

Love James Doty.

The science of manifestation. And you know, in truth, we are energetic beings, but we're always manifesting something, right? So the question is, what are we manifesting? And you know, even the most simplistic forms, you, I sit there and visualize a Rolls Royce, it's going to show up in my driveway. Well, who knows, maybe quantum reality could do that. I'm really not going to disregard anything. But I think in terms of being practical and advising people to do things, there seems to be a more kind of pragmatic science based approach. I don't mean use science in terms of reductionistic, mainstream, limited science, but you know, just approach to this idea of manifestation and how we're working with our internal state, with our beliefs, with our thoughts, with our emotional states that does impact what's showing up in our life, how we're showing up and what shows up in our life. So I wonder if you could just talk about this phenomena that's sometimes called manifestation.

Yeah. So everything as we know is energy. And we are always at a certain energetic vibration. And that, Scott, it matches. What happens is the outer world tends to mirror or match where our energetic vibration is. I don't think that the idea of manifestation though is that we become that the universe is an order taker and that our job is to just put in an order. And I want that and I'm going to get that. That's kind of not what we're here for. I think what we're here for is to become aligned with what is the call of the moment from us and for the universe. And it may look like a Rolls Royce in your driveway, but it might not. So it's not being attached to. Let me just use this little tool to create the Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's really let me align my life with a higher state of consciousness, a higher vibration, and then use my attention, which is a very powerful tool to put my attention and energy. You know, I learned long ago a formula that was sort of my little formula for manifesting. And it was three steps. I liked them because they rhymed. Intention, tension and no tension. Intention, yeah, you get clear about what it is feels most aligned. Not something that's, you know, gonna just fulfill your ego, but that feels like it's soul driven, a soul based intention. And that's what we work with in your year of miracles. And then put your attention on it, your thoughts, your words, your feelings and your actions. But then finally let go, relax, surrender, know and trust that the universe is doing with that in the best way for you. So it's not about forcing an outcome. It's about putting an intention there, putting your attention on it, and then also having enough spaciousness in your life that there is no tension. And that what shows up is what's best. When you've put forward what it is you think is the best intention.

What is your sense of grace and the movement of the divine, the sacred and grace and how that works in our lives.

Oh, there's a great quote from Ramakrishna, I think, who said, the winds of grace are always blowing. We just need to raise our sail. I think grace is the way life is. And what our job is to raise our sail is to put ourself in that flow of grace. That's the miracle zone.

Oh, beautiful, beautiful. Well, since we are talking about rewiring our beliefs here, if there's one, you know, most kind of persistent or pernicious belief that blocks joy and happiness for people, what do you, what would you say that is?

Any variation of I'm not enough. You know, I think that every limiting belief comes back to I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough, or I'm just, just I'm not okay. It's a general feeling of not okayness inside and goes back to that misidentification with who we really are.

I think that's somewhat part of the human condition. I mean, the more unconditional love we get from our parents, the less of that we're going to have. I'm not sure it's really possible to escape childhood without having some of that. And then unfortunately, we have this whole consumerist culture that's all built around the message of not enoughness. You know, you know you're not enough. But if you buy this product, you might just be cool enough and you know, to have someone like you or love you or be included until the next version comes out, of course.

Yeah. I mean, it's a multi billion dollar industry, hundreds of billions of dollar industry telling us you're not okay the way you are.

And children are growing up just bathed in that message, right?

Yes.

Really, that's kind of, that's really heartbreaking thing about our current situation and. But it is possible to discover that unconditional worthiness in exactly all the ways you've been talking about.

Not only is it possible, it is why we're on the planet. It's what we're here for. We are here to recognize, feel, live, know the truth of our divinity, the truth of the essence of who we are, which is love. That's what we come on planet Earth for.

Well, no doubt that's your purpose and so grateful that you're out there sharing that message so widely. So how can people find out more about your work, Marcia, and about the Year of Miracles and the other things you offer?

Yeah, well, you can go to YourYearOfMiracles.com and actually we've got a really wonderful assessment or free quiz there on finding out what is your miracle superpower, because we each have a particular angle in and a superpower. So, yeah, that you can find on youryearofmiracles.com and you could also find us on happyfornoreason.com and there I've got a gift of 21 happiness habits, all of them in a practice to go with each one of those habits. And I just, I really want to acknowledge and honor everybody who's here because I think that we have a divine appointment when we come together. Whether you doesn't matter what we don't know. Time and space doesn't matter. When you're listening to this, there isn't a divine appointment to be in this conversation. And I really acknowledge and honor everybody who is in this conversation because I think this is the conversation to be had on the planet these days.

Well, I hope everybody who's watching this recognizes that it's not by accident that we end up where we are. And we're all here for a reason in this particular moment, having this conversation with Marcy. So.

And Fleet, you know, I just also want to say that the reason I have such a passion about this, and I believe you do, too, because as we spoke about earlier, when we shift ourselves, we shift the planet, people often say to me, is it selfish to want to be happier? And my answer is, it's the least selfish thing you can do. Because when you shift your consciousness, when you shift your happiness level, it shifts the world. And there's a beautiful Chinese proverb that I always love to share about this. It goes like this. It says, when there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. When there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. When there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. And when there is order in the nation, there will be peace in this world. And my prayer and my wish for every single one of us is that we know that light in our own souls. And through that, we help create more peace here on this planet of ours.

Thank you so much. Marci Shemoff. Happiness for no reason, the Year of Miracles. Please keep going with your work. Thank you so much. Thank you for joining me on the Radical Responsibility podcast. Remember, real change happens when we commit to our growth, face our challenges, we with compassion, and stay open to transformation. If you found this episode helpful, I encourage you to subscribe and help us spread the message of healing and personal empowerment. Stay grounded, stay present, and stay true to you. Take care.

Hello, I'm Clark Kendall from Kendall Capital. Did you know the D.C. region ranks fourth in the nation for millionaires? 12% of you have that much or more in investable assets. Most of you got here through hard work and disciplined savings. You don't think of yourself as rich. You're often surprised to find out you have a million bucks. We call you middle class millionaires. That's who we know best. We help you build wealth and enjoy it too. That's my favorite part. Kendall Capital serving middle class millionaires.

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