Lgbtq Youth Safety | Social Support and Mental Health in Lgbtq Adolescents

Today we're going to talk about the quiet emergency facing LGBTQ+ kids. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. Here are 3 reasons to listen today. You'll learn that true safety for LGBTQ+ youth must include emotional and mental health, not just physical protections. You'll get some real-world strategies to create emotional safety at home, from check-ins to therapy access to daily rituals. And you'll feel empowered to treat mental health support as an everyday essential practice. Not a reactive or an optional one. Welcome to the final episode in our July series on safety here on More Human, More Kind. Today's conversation is one that I hold very, very close: mental health as a form of safety. Too often when we talk about protecting LGBTQ+ youth, we focus only on external threats, And yes, those matter deeply, but we can forget what's happening on the inside. Safety isn't just about the outside world. It's about what's happening inside our children, their emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. And when we protect that, we are protecting their lives in the most profound way. So let's ground ourselves in reality. The Trevor Project reports that 41% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered suicide in the past year, and rates are even higher for BIPOC and trans youth. They reported that those who have at least one accepting adult see a 40% reduction in suicide attempts. And bullying, rejection, and a lack of affirmation are direct contributors. These numbers are heartbreaking, but they're also empowering because we can change them. Mental health is not optional. It's life-saving. So you may be thinking, I hear you, Heather Hester Hester, but what exactly do you mean by mental health safety? Well, it's more than just access to therapy. It's about emotional safety in everyday life. That means being able to talk about identity without fear and supporting identity ex— exploration without pressure. It means having the language available to name what's going on internally. It means feeling trusted, believed, and respected. Knowing where to go or who to go to when things feel overwhelming. It means regular check-ins that go beyond, "How was school?" It means offering therapy, respecting privacy and boundaries, and it means celebrating their wins. No matter how big or small. So how can we as everyday parents and allies support mental health at home? First, we can create a space for regular check-ins. Make this a habit by asking open-ended questions like, how's your heart today? Or where are you feeling that in your body? When they tell you about thoughts they're having or something that happened. We can normalize therapy, coaching, or spiritual directions. Model that mental health care is like physical health care. We go to the doctor or our health practitioners on a regular basis. Let's remove the stigma around checking in with a mental health practitioner on a regular basis. In the past few years, I've done a deep dive on my mental, emotional, and nervous system health. And it has been so healing and completely revealing. Let me know if this is a topic that speaks to you and I will do a separate episode on it. We can provide resources, especially affirming ones. Ask therapists if they are LGBTQ+ affirming. Let your child be part of choosing who they talk to. When we began this journey with Connor, we walked into this mental health space completely blind. We didn't know what to look for for ourselves, let alone for our children. We didn't know the questions to ask or the red flags to look out for. When Connor was returning from therapeutic boarding school at the end of his junior year, we were ready finally, because we too had had a year of education from dozens of professionals. We'd made a million mistakes and we learned the hard way what to ask and what to look for. So when he came home, I lined up 5 therapists that I'd already interviewed. And that I'd already approved for him to meet with and then choose himself. I did the same for my other kids and the, in the different mental health capacities they have needed along the way. And now they have all learned how to do it for themselves with the exception of Rowan, of course, who is still in high school and who is still learning. Model emotional honesty. Talk about what you're feeling, how you're feeling, even if it's confusing or you don't have the words to explain. And of course, the caveat is always to do this in an age-appropriate way. But that being said, there is no such thing as too young to talk about emotions. The earlier our kids can learn how to identify them, to feel them, and know what to do with them in an age-appropriate way, the better. It is so important and so healthy for our kids to see us practicing emotional honesty and nervous system regulation. Create daily rituals of connection. No phones, just being present with one another. Things like journaling, listening to music, sharing playlists with one another, kwan wan walks together or walks alone, painting, doing any kind of art really, breathing together. Little things can be really, really big, and it will be trial and error to find out what works for you and for your child or your children. And it will take some time for them to Learn what works for them as well. And as they grow, it will likely change. So be patient and be flexible. Have an open mind and be curious. Be willing to try a new ritual or support your child in a new ritual. And then stay curious and not corrective, meaning Don't try to fix, just listen deeply. Remember the VAST technique from the last episode? Validate, ask questions, see them, then talk. Breathe through the discomfort. What they need most is our presence, not our words. Be the person your child can come to with anything. Be their safety tree, the one their whole being can fully exhale around. Before we wrap up today, let's check out our listener query. This segment is part of every solo episode now where I will answer a question I've received over the years. And this is also your official invitation to email or message me with your most burning LGBTQ+ related question. Today's question aligns really, really well with safety and our current climate, and it is, will my child turn other children gay, either in our family or in the community? This is another myth that's rooted in misunderstanding, and it often stems from fear, and misinformation. The idea that a child could somehow turn others gay by being around them is not only completely unfounded, but it is also harmful. Very harmful. Sexual orientation is not something that is learned from peers or influenced by the people around us. Attraction to the same gender different genders or multiple genders is deeply personal, and it's an intrinsic aspect of who we are. Just like hair color or right-handed or left-handedness, sexual orientation is a natural part of a person's identity. It is not something that can be taught or changed by others. And I think it's really, really important to note here as well that even though this question is specifically about sexual orientation, this also goes for gender identity. While children and adolescents may look to their peers for social cues and perhaps model certain behaviors like what others are wearing, what language they use, the slang kids use, or what music they're listening to. Sexual orientation does not work that way. A child's feelings of attraction are part of who they are, not something that is caught from someone else. Here's where this myth sometimes stems from. When someone comes out as LGBTQ+, they may begin to connect with others who share similar experiences. If your child has a friend who is LGBTQ+, they might feel more comfortable coming out themselves, but this is not because they were recruited. It's because they found someone they can relate to, someone who understands their feelings. They might feel a sense of shared identity or support that encourages them to express their truth. So the reality is that your child will not turn other children gay by simply being open about their identity or having LGBTQ+ friends. If another child in the community or family comes out, it's because they are recognizing a shared experience, not because they were influenced or recruited. In fact, the idea of recruiting is a harmful stereotype that has been perpetuated by those who seek to marginalize LGBTQ+ individuals. The truth is everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are, and if your child is able to embrace and express their authentic self, they are actually helping create a world where others can do the same. So I hope this explanation clears up the myth that sexual orientation can be caught from others and reinforces that sexual identity is an inherent personal experience. I also believe this answer highlights the importance of connection and mutual understanding in the LGBTQ+ community. Mental health is part of safety. It is not a separate issue. When we affirm our LGBTQ+ kids, when we give them space to feel and build emotional resilience, we are laying the groundwork for a lifetime of resilience. When we prioritize mental health, we're saying your wellbeing, your entire wellbeing matters. Your joy matters. And you deserve to feel safe in your body, in your mind, and in this world. Let's raise LGBTQ+ youth who know that they're not just protected, but they're loved and cherished. You are doing sacred work, and I see you. Thank you so much for being here with me today. There are new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, so make sure you subscribe so you do not miss a single one. If today's episode resonated with you, it would mean the world to me and to the life of a new listener if you would leave a rating and a review. The link is in the show notes. Thank you for being someone who chooses to show up. Keep going. Keep learning. And until next time, remember, you are not alone.