Heather Hester explores why parents compare themselves to others during the holidays and how to break free. She offers a reframing exercise to replace "should" with authenticity, plus a breathing and journaling prompt called "Hand on Heart Enoughness" to ground yourself when comparison creeps in.
In today's episode, you'll learn how to step away from the temptation to jump into the comparison trap.
Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started.
Welcome back to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. Today is day 7 of our 12-day holiday capsule, More Human Moments for the Most Wonderful and Complicated Time of the Year. These 12 days will guide you through simple exercises and responses to empower you and help you stay grounded and reflective. You don't have to conform to holiday pressure. Your peace and presence are the rebellion. These are not fluffy holiday tips. They are real moments for real humans. Today we're stepping into the comparison trap, the endless scrolling, the picture-perfect families, the pressure to measure up. In today's short episode, you'll learn why comparison spikes for parents and allies. You'll learn how to shift from should to authenticity, and you'll learn a simple affirmation ritual to reclaim your enoughness. So let's get into it. Here's the scenario: you scroll past a friend's family photo with everyone in matching pajamas, big smiles, 'Best Christmas ever' caption. You glance at your own living room. It's half decorated. Your kid is on their phone. Maybe there's some tension still hanging in the air from an argument you had earlier. You feel that familiar pang. Why doesn't our family look like that? The holidays amplify comparison in a way that nothing else does. Everyone else seems happier. Everyone else seems closer. Everyone else seems more together. Here is what I want you to hear. Social comparison is a nervous system response, not a moral failing. It's your brain scanning for belonging. The antidote isn't to work harder to try to achieve something that does not exist. The antidote is to root deeper into what is true for you. What is true for your family. Your family doesn't have to look like anyone else's. In fact, you don't want them to, do you? Your rituals don't have to match. That's part of what makes rituals so magical. You make them your own. Your joy doesn't need to be Instagrammable. I know that can be so, so tempting. True joy is found in the moment, whether you capture it and post it or not. Your job is not to perform a perfect holiday. Your job is to create a real one. So here's the strategy: release the shoulds. Shift from "we should be like them" to "what's true and good about our family exactly as we are." Today's ritual is called Hand on Heart Enoughness. Place your hand over your heart and take one deep breath. Say softly, we are enough as we are. Say it again, we are enough as we are, and let the truth of that settle. If you need a little more time with this one, try journaling or reflecting on this question: What is one thing I genuinely love about who our family is right now. Thank you for taking this pause with me today. These small, steady practices are how we stay grounded, connected, and courageous during the holidays. If today's reflection felt supportive, share it with someone who might need it. And for more resources, weekly reflections and support, visit HeatherHester.net. Make sure you tune in tomorrow. Day 8 is all about creating inclusive rituals that honor your family exactly as it is. Until then, remember, authenticity is your anchor.
