Traveling With Your LGBTQ Kid: What Every Parent Needs to Know Before You Leave

In today's episode, not only are you going to get a pre-travel checklist for traveling with LGBTQ kids, you are also going to understand the real landscape of LGBTQ+ safety around the world, including right here in the United States. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ+ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening. I'm Heather Hester, and here we talk about fear, belonging, boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process. Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed. They need a parent who is grounded and strong. Let's take a breath and let's begin. Summer travel with your family should feel like joy, like long dinners, new places to see, the particular magic of being somewhere all together. But if you have an LGBTQ+ kid, you already know that travel requires a layer of preparation that most families never have to think about. Today we are gonna talk about exactly that, what to know, what to do, and how to make sure your family can experience the world as safely and fully as possible. By the end of this episode, you are going to have a concrete pre-travel checklist for any family with LGBTQ+ kids. You are going to understand the real landscape of LGBTQ+ safety around the world, including right here in the United States. And you are going to walk away with the tools to have honest, age-appropriate safety conversations with your kid before any trip. So I wanna start today's episode telling you a story about a dinner that we never had. A few years ago when we were traveling in Italy, we walked into this restaurant in this tiny village. And before we'd even made it to the table, I just knew. I felt something that was off, something that was in the quality of the stillness when we walked in, the way that the attention shifted in the room. In that moment, I didn't say anything. I didn't make a scene. I just turned quietly and moved my family right back out the door. We found somewhere else to eat. We had an incredible dinner. And honestly, my kids probably don't even remember it happening, but I remember it. And that moment is what this episode is about. Not the fear of it, but the preparation that allows you to move your family quickly, quietly, and confidently when something doesn't feel right. And I will share research that will help you avoid those moments in the first place. Let's start with the global picture because I think a lot of families underestimate how dramatically safety for LGBTQ+ people varies around the world. A3M Global Monitoring publishes an annual LGBTQ+ risk map that rates countries on a 5-level scale. Level 1, dark green, means low risk and genuinely positive attitudes. Level 5, dark red, means same-sex relationships are not only illegal, but can result in imprisonment, corporal punishment, or even the death penalty. The 10 safest countries for LGBTQ+ travels Travelers right now are Malta, Iceland, the Netherlands, Canada, Spain, Norway, Denmark, Uruguay, Germany, and Andorra. These are places with strong legal protections, visible communities, and generally inclusive environments. The 10 most Unsafe countries include Iran, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Yemen, Uganda, Afghanistan, the UAE, Tanzania, Malaysia, and Pakistan. In several of these countries, being LGBTQ+ can result in the death penalty. I'm not saying this to frighten you. I'm saying it because if you are planning international travel, this is information that you need. And before anyone thinks that this is just an international issue, I need to stop here and talk about the United States because the A3M Risk Map lists the USA among the top 10 countries with negative legislative developments in 2025. That is not a small thing to say, and I am not going to soften it. Here is what is happening. Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, New Hampshire, Ohio, South Carolina, and West Virginia have all expanded restrictions on gender-affirming care for minors and LGBTQ+ content in schools. Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Iowa, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, and West Virginia have made non-binary gender entries on official documents more difficult or have banned them outright. And at the federal level, the current administration has taken an official position rejecting non-binary and transgender identity. See the SCOTUS decision from last week or two weeks ago, all of which has had real consequences for documentation and access to care. At the same time, states like California, New York, Illinois, and others are actively strengthening protections. It is highly polarized. Some regions offer real safety. And others are experiencing significant deterioration. What this means practically is that domestic travel is not automatically safe travel for LGBTQ+ families. Where you are going within the United States matters a lot. I want to be clear about something. The goal about all of this information is not to keep your family home. It is to help you travel with your eyes open, your family prepared, and your instincts sharp. Travel is one of the most powerful things we can do for our kids. It builds empathy, perspective, and resilience. It shows them that the world is bigger and more beautiful and more complicated than any one place that they have ever lived. We are not going to stop traveling because the world is imperfect. We are just going to travel smarter. And part of traveling smarter is understanding that your LGBTQ+ kid is always doing a calculation that other kids don't have to do. They're asking, am I safe here? How do I present myself in this space? What happens if someone says something? The more you can do that work alongside them before you leave home, the more they can actually be present and enjoy the trip when you get there. So here is your pre-travel checklist. These are things we actually do, and I want to be very, very specific here. First, research thoroughly and early. Use LGBTQ+ specific travel resources. The A3M Risk Map I mentioned is a great starting point, and I will link it in the show notes. IGLTA, the International LGBTQ+ Travel Association, is another excellent, excellent resource. Look specifically for LGBTQ+ friendly accommodations, restaurants, and neighborhoods at your destination. 2, have the cultural conversation, not the restriction conversation. There is a meaningful difference between saying you can't wear that because it makes you feel uncomfortable and saying, let's talk about how people dress in this culture and what might draw unwanted attention. One is about your comfort. The other is about their safety. Always, always lead with their safety and let them be part of the conversation and the decision. 3, pack intentionally. Encourage your kid to pack clothes that they feel genuinely comfortable in and that reflect who they are right now. Encourage at least one comfort item, whatever that might be, something that helps them regulate and recenter. It could be a playlist, a journal, something physical, material that is familiar from home. Travel is so wonderful, and it is also quite overstimulating. Having a way to come back to themselves matters and will make a huge, huge difference. 4. Travel with your paperwork. Birth certificates, adoption certificates, any legal documentation that establishes identity. This is especially important for trans and non-binary travelers whose documents may not match their current presentation. Know what documentation you have and where it is. 5. If you are traveling internationally, know the laws of your destination country. Not just the general vibe, the actual laws. And know the address and contact information for your country's embassy at your destination. In the event of a hostile encounter, that information can matter enormously. 6. Give everyone permission to tap out. This is one of the most important things on the list. Everyone in your family has permission to say, "I need a minute," or "I'm not comfortable here," or "I just need to skip this one." It's no questions, no pressure. That permission creates Safety. And it models something important for your kid, that their comfort and safety matter more than any itinerary. And 7, trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, move. You do not need to explain it or justify it or wait for something to happen. Read the room, move your people, find someplace else. I am always scanning every trip, every destination, every room that we walk into. That alertness does not go away. It has become instinctive, second nature. And I have made peace with that because it is love in action. It is what it means to be the parent of this particular family in this particular world. And that scanning does not cancel the joy. I have watched my kids laugh at tables in countries I researched for weeks before we landed. I have felt the particular magic of being somewhere new all together, all of us together, all of us fully present because we did the work ahead of time that allowed us to relax. This is what I want for your family too. The joy, full and real and earned with your eyes open and your people safe. Take a few minutes this week and answer these questions. What is one trip that you have been wanting to take with your family that you have not yet researched through an LGBTQ+ safety lens? What would it look like to do that research this week? I am so glad you're here today. The link to the A3M LGBTQ+ risk map that I talked about in this episode, as well as other resources I mentioned, will be in the show notes. Share this episode with a family who is planning travel this summer. It might be the most important thing they listen to before they go. I will see you on Friday for the Butterfly Effect. Until then, keep becoming more human and more kind. Inviting someone into your home to paint is a big deal. You want people you can trust, people who show up on time, respect your space, and do the job right the first time. That's exactly what we do at Heather Hester Painting and Decorating. With over 58 years of experience and a commitment to true craftsmanship, We treat your home like it's our own, creating masterpieces one wall at a time. To schedule a consultation, go to go.heatherdecorating.com/mhmk. That's go.heatherdecorating.com/mhmk.