Heather AardemaCoach, Author, Speaker, National Board & Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach, Certified Decluttering & Life Coach

The Hidden Expectations That Weigh Down Relationships

Name: The Hidden Expectations That Weigh Down Relationships
Uploaded: 2025-02-28T21:00:19+00:00
Duration: 1 min 13 s
Channel: Heather Aardema
Description: A short conversational excerpt (YouTube video) in which two speakers define a relationship as the thoughts we hold about another person and introduce the…

28 Feb 2025 · 1 min

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1:13

A short conversational excerpt (YouTube video) in which two speakers define a relationship as the thoughts we hold about another person and introduce the idea of an "operating manual": implicit expectations about how others should behave. The speakers argue problems arise when these operating manuals are kept unshared, producing resentment or anger when others don't behave as expected.

Chapters

The way I like to think of a relationship.
Is a.
Relationship is simply.
The thoughts that.
I have about another person. And so I have thoughts about my kids. I have thoughts about my dog. I have thoughts about my husband. Somebody might say, well, how's your relationship with your husband? I could say, oh, it's great.
If my thoughts.
About my husband are great.
They might ask.
How'S your relationship with your kids?
And again.
If my thoughts are really. If they feel.
Good about my kids.
Then the relationship is good. So a relationship is simply the thoughts that we're having, the thoughts that we're choosing to have.
Now, when.
Those thoughts feel.
Heavy, it's.
Because we will have something that I call an operating.
Manual for.
The other person.
So an.
Operating manual means that we.
Believe the.
Other person should behave in.
A different way so that we feel better as.
Totally human.
We all do this. And usually where we go into trouble.
Or get into trouble.
Is when we don't share.
The operating manual with the.
Other person, when.
We keep it inside.
And we don't tell them.
And instead we just get upset or.
Angry when.
They behave in a way that doesn't feel right and light to us.