Coffee & Coaching Letting go of gender limiting beliefs

Good morning. Good morning and happy Monday, everybody. So today I'm pretty excited. My kids have gone back to school today. And I know that around the country a lot of children are going back to school today after coronavirus just one day a week. So can't get too excited. But my gosh, I felt so sorry for them because usually in school holidays, we have all of these amazing things planned and they have been completely neglected and ignored because we have had to continue working. Let me know the people that are jumping on are your kids back to school today? I feel like I actually got out my list. I've got this pad that I use that you can't really see. There's kind of a daily notepad. I'm a bit old school with that. I've got all of the tech and I use Monday.com to kind of keep track of what I'm doing when in my whole task list. But I actually use a daily checklist. And I like to. I mean, I've got this one here that's got all my scribbles all over it. And I sit down in the morning before I actually start and I go, okay, what are the most important things that I need to get done today? And then I will look at the past list, I'll organize everything, and I'll write down those most important things. And then if I get all of those things done, then I can go to, like, that massive list that's filled with overwhelm and filled with all the things I wish I could do that I never get time to do. But I find it really important every day to take kind of just that five minutes at the start to really look at. Look at your calendar, look at expectations that customers have, look at the things that you have to deliver on, look at the things that are important to you and building your business and going, okay, what is most important to me today that I will get done no matter what? Good morning, Marguerite. Also not back at school yet? Still waiting. All right. Marguerite's in New Zealand. So, yeah, it's all different all over the world. And it's been so interesting, hey, to look at the different reactions around the world, around the States. I mean, I think never has there been such a moment in history where people's behavior and mentality is so interesting to watch. I've been looking at a lot of different things and a lot of crazy things that have been happening the last couple of weeks going, oh, my gosh. Like, this is. It's really interesting from a behavioral point of view, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about today. What I wanted to talk to you about today was like bringing down the patriarchy, which kind of, in a way, is true, but not entirely true. So I want to talk about us being women and the things that we can do as women. Because I was thinking yesterday was Mother's Day, and I always get thinking on Mother's Day about my role in the world as. As a mum, as a woman, all of these things. And I always get crazy grateful on those days because I think. I mean, like I said to my kids yesterday, my whole dream was to get married and have babies. And I know in a lot of circles now that's kind of frowned upon to go. That was my whole dream. That's my whole goal. But that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to get married and have bab. What that didn't mean was that I also didn't want a whole host and a whole list of other things as well. So you can be simultaneously as ambitious as all get up and want to have a great relationship with both your partner and your kids, too. You can do all those things simultaneously. And so I had this moment yesterday, and then I was talking to my grandma. So my grandma's birthday is tomorrow, and she turns 93 years old, which is phenomenal. And I mean, she's getting old. So, like, I was talking to her and asking her, you know, what. What are the stages in your life where you thought, oh, my gosh, as a woman, I can now do this. And, you know, she was rattling off things like, you know, she could go out at night by herself. She could. When she went to the beach. I actually have the photo. Oh, it's all the way up on the top of the shelf of her on the beach in this one piece, Cozy. Which I reckon she would be. I can't remember off the top of my head, but I think she's in her early 20s, and it was the first time she was allowed to go to the beach and wear a bathing suit. And so that was super exciting to her. She started her own business. She had an antique store. She had all of these things. And so listening to her talk about all of the things through her 93 years of life, of all of the milestones that clicked over, that she could now do the things that she wanted to do that she couldn't previously because of her gender, and then that coupled with Mother's Day, coupled with the book Untamed. Has anyone read Untamed by Glennon? Doyle, let me know in the comments if you've read or if you've seen the book. So I've got it off my desk now. I should have had it on my desk to, like, show you. But so it's. It's slated as, like, the most popular book this year. And so I was really interested to read it because anything that I think, you know, a lot of people are going to be reading and devouring, I want to also understand that and read it. And she writes beautifully. I mean, the woman can construct a sentence like nobody else. It is gorgeously written, but there was a lot of things in it that made me a little bit sad in going the version of Untamed. I thought we were so far past that. And so it kind of got me thinking that I live in this really insulated bubble where female empowerment is just a given that the whole world still doesn't accept. And to me, I go, you know, a lot of people that are listening right now to what I'm saying, and a lot of people that are reading the book Untamed are from a really privileged background. White women in the Western world. We have no excuse not to do the things that we want to do. And I really think someone I admire a lot is Rachel Hollis, and she has this whole thing around. We're made for more. And that's something that I really wanted to talk about was we are made for more. Breaking down the patriarchy doesn't mean that, you know, we have to. That it's a big deal to get out of a relationship that isn't working anymore. Like, if you're being abused in a relationship, of course we should step out of that relationship. That should just be a given. And I didn't realize that a whole heap of different things in terms of the way women look, in terms of the way we act, in terms of the way that we work was still such a big uphill climb. And I'm not saying we do have massive unconscious biases in the world, but we don't have to take note of them. We can hear those unconscious biases. We can know those unconscious biases are out there, and we can just live the life that we want to live anyway. Because actually, technically speaking, there is nothing, nothing that I can't do now because of my gender. Nothing. I couldn't think of anything. I was sitting there thinking and going, are we still constrained by being women? And yes, there's unconscious bias. Yes, there's. There's still way more men than women in upper management levels. And all of the different things that we talk about and we try and do, yes, we're treated very differently when we try and get business loans, when we try and negotiate commercial leases, all of the different things that are involved in business. But what can't we do? And I couldn't come up with anything. Can you think of anything we can't do? I don't know. Let me know if I'm wrong. But all the things that we've done before and all of the social conditioning that we've had, we don't have to choose to continue that. We can let that go at any time. And that's something that I've always tried to really consciously do, is to go, okay, this is the way it was in the past. This is the way it was for my grandma. And they worked bloody hard to have that not happen in the future. So it's up to us. It's our responsibility to kind of let go of those social constraints and all of that conformity and go, well, the way that it's been done up until now does not have to be the way that it's done in the future. And that kind of got me thinking about Mother's Day, because I was talking to my boys yesterday. I have two sons, for those that don't know my backstory. And they have never known me not being a business owner. So I had a business for four years before I had my kids and have been able to kind of ebb and flow the business as they have grown. And it's something that I am so grateful for, because, as I said at the beginning, one of my biggest dreams was to go up, get married, and have babies. But one of my other biggest dreams is to build this incredible business that enables other women to achieve their dreams. And that's been throughout all of my different business iterations. That's been what I've been about. So, you know, when I had tutoring centers, I wanted to franchise because I wanted other women to be able to have this economical independence and own their own business. And because all of this is proven that women lead very differently to men generally. Generally speaking. So men, like, don't think that we're the only ones that are constrained by social conformity. I mean, men have to lead in a way that, you know, they have to make these macho decisions and all that. They can't appear to be too caring or soft and all of these sorts of things which we as women can lead in. And I think with the current crisis that we're in, we've been able to witness the difference between male leaders and FEMA leaders around the world and what can come naturally and how that can change. And I think that's a really beautiful thing. And then it's noticed that economically women spend money very differently when they're successful. So a lot of the donations, volunteer work, all of the different things that spread around the economy more when a woman creates wealth, generally speaking. And so to me, I go with what I do, what I did with Begin Bright and then what I do now is helping all of these women package their expertise and go online and build these beautiful online businesses. I know what amazingness that does for the economy. Like if I help enough women, my dream is to have 100 women making a million dollars a year by 2025. That is my like ultimate thing that I'm building towards now. But I go, even in the world, if we can go an extra $10,000 a month, all of these women, if every woman is making that, what do you think those women are doing with that money? They're pumping it in to women led businesses, they're pumping it into the community, they're pumping it into keeping this economy growing. And I love that. And so that was really what I wanted to impart today was going, let's let go of the ideals and the social conformity of what it means to be a woman in business and doing all of that and go, what do you want to do? Just you. Not as a woman, not as young or old or in between or anything that we think we should be because of what we are. But what sort of life do we want to create? Because if you're listening to this right now, I can guarantee that whatever life you want to create, you can actually craft it, design it and go after it. There is nothing stopping you often other than our own minds and our own insecurities and our own pushback from all of the social conforms that we've had growing up. Now this has probably been one of my quietest, quietest ones where people aren't saying hello. So either people are getting on and going, what is she talking about? She's ranting this morning. But if you're watching, I can see how many people are up there. Say, say hello, jump into the comments, say hello, let me know what has been your kind of proudest moment that you've gone as a woman. You feel like, oh my gosh, I just, just broke out of the gender norms and was able to do that. I mean, I love combining the things together. There's I like taking my boys to work with me all the time and doing because I think it's very important that they can see that we can design whatever life it is that we want to lead. Good morning, Stacy. Stacy said agree our own mindsets hold us back. So Stacy's a beautiful example of this. Stacy lives up in Gladstone or just south of Gladstone in Yepoon. And Stacy actually came to one of my workshops, profit plan, last July, like, 36, 38 weeks pregnant. Stacy with her fourth child and is building a business. So this is a woman who is very much going, you know what? I want to be this awesome mom. I want to be this awesome partner. And I also want to build this incredible business and show everyone what I'm capable of doing. And we can do that. And, I mean, sometimes it does mean that we do need to let go of the ideals. I see. I see, like, memes on Instagram and Facebook all the time in going, you know, don't compare yourself to this person, and no one has it perfectly and all of that sort of thing. And I get people ask me all the time, how do you do it? How do you do motherhood and the business all the time? And the thing is, I select the parts that I want to do. I very much walk my talk in terms of designing the life that I want to lead. And so I don't cook. I'm a rubbish cook. I did make a carrot cake yesterday, but I very, very occasionally do it. And when I do it, like my husband's birthday last week, he wanted a pub lunch, and we obviously couldn't go to the pub because they're all shut. So his favorite is like a schnitty, like a chicken schnitzel and chips. And so I made that, and I burnt the crap out of it. But it's the thought that counts. But I don't cook, which means that's an extra 8, 10 hours a week that I get that most women don't. And most women are going, well, I have to cook, otherwise the family doesn't eat. Have the conversation with the person that you're living with. If you don't want to cook every night, you got to change it. I also don't clean. I don't like to waste time on cleaning. And so I get someone to do that. Or my kids are now old enough that they do a lot of that. So look at all the different parts of your life and go, is this the best use of my time? Is this what I want to be doing? And if you Want to do awesome things. Something has to give and so there's, yeah, you've got it. You've got to make the choice with what you want to do. Good morning Ali, how are you going? Simone said, Love it 100%. Thanks. Everyone was very quiet. So like everyone's sitting there going, Tina's ranting this morning. Ali loves my big dream. Ali, have you got a big dream? Tell me your big dream. Marguerite's got partner, does all of the family cooking. Trained him well. Excellent. But you know what? It shouldn't be training, it should just be we're in this life together. And you know, if you're living with somebody, you're in a partnership and you're doing that together and it's really working out how both of you letting go of gender norms, letting go of all of the things, how are you going to actually get this thing called life done in the way that you can all achieve your dreams. Kids, partners, husbands, wives, husbands and husbands, whatever you've got going on. How can you do it together to make sure. Because we can break down all of these things of going, well, we can't do this because of, you know, we're too old or we're too young or we're too female or too male or to all these things like it's bullshit. We can let that shit go. Okay, so Simone says female led business is seen as lifestyle business, but women led business puts so much into the economy. Cheers to that. Simone. That is so incredibly true. I mean perception is all, it's all a myth anyway. I mean I talk about this a little bit in going when I ran my franchise company, we had 30 and people used to meet me and I'd introduce myself and what I did and they'd be like, wow, 30 national locations. And they'd be like, wow, that's pretty, pretty awesome. And it was, it was, it was awesome. But I had to work so hard and I got paid so little for the work that I did for such a long time. And then I run this business which we run from home. So you know, we're kind of like, we've got one room in our house with a few people working here. And it looks like a, like you've just said Simone, like a lifestyle business. And let me tell you, it's very much a lifestyle business. So it is designed so that if we want to go to the beach in the morning, we can, if we want to go to our kids school events, we can, if we want to go away on holidays at any point we can. That is why it's designed that way. But we make a hell of a lot of money, more money than we ever did in the franchise company. And so this is what I mean by going design the life and the business that you want to live. So don't worry about how it looks to anybody else. Don't worry about any of the social conformities that you've been raised with. Go, what is my ideal life? And then how can I go about systematically putting that into place? Because there is literally nothing that we can't make happen when we're in such a privileged position in the world. And again, like I said before, there was nothing I could think of that if I wanted to do it badly enough, I couldn't train, I couldn't put the time in, and I couldn't actually get there. There is no inhibitance to that. All right, so, yay, Grace is here. I'm getting my Tina fixed. Good morning, gorgeous. Okay, so then Stacy's got. I still get mistaken that I work for my husband, though. Yeah, all the time. All the time. You know, when I started my business, if my mom ever came in, people would think that it was hers. And then often when I was doing, like, contract negotiations, they would ask when they were speaking to my husband when he was going to step in and do the real stuff. But I do think when I was doing, like, contract negotiations, they would ask when they were speaking to my husband when he was going to step in and do the real stuff. But I do think it changes now. Nobody ever, ever assumes that when they talk to me. So there must be something. I think there's something in the way that we hold and frame and the confidence. But then there's also also in the way that we project as well in doing that, because no one ever, ever thinks that now when it comes to me. But I also think, you know, this is something I was talking about yesterday, which is also another side note, is going in terms of perception and the way that. That ebbs and flows as. As we kind of grow and really sink into this identity and really start to own the power that we have with the way that we run our own lives. And I was really sitting there going, you know, through my 20s, a lot of people didn't take me seriously because, as you guys know, that come on here often I'm quite like, happy, enthusiastic, human, and I giggle a lot. And I get pretty much enthusiastic about a lot of things that I get to do. Don't get me wrong, there's some things that I'm just like, oh, that. I can't muster enthusiasm before. But generally I've designed my life so that most of the things that I get to do, I enjoy. It's so indulgent, isn't it? But I love it. And that got misconstrued through my twenties as being ditzy. So I would often not be taken seriously because I was always like, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. And I would see people look at me just going, oh my God. Now though, I'm getting into my late 30s and that is a quality that has become endearing. A lot of people say, well, they work with me because they lack the energy and they lack the enthusiasm that I bring coupled with the experience. And so it's amazing how as you get older, the qualities that were once not so positive then become positive. And so just do you. That's all we can do with that. So Ali said, my big dream is to have a global platform to showcase lighthouse leaders and retire my husband. Go, Ali, go for it. Karen and Helen said, good morning, we're late to the party. Hello. Okay, so it's come to the stage where you can ask any of the business questions. So what are you working on at the moment? What are you stuck on? Let me know and I can help you out with that. Any random questions that you like, you can ask in there. I did get a lot of feedback on Friday from the webcam that I'm using at the moment. For those that are not listening to this on podcast, but here listening on video, I got a new webcam and you can definitely see the difference. Now I have a pretty good quality computer. I've got a Mac 27 inch desktop. So I thought, what's the point of ever getting a webcam? It's got an amazing built in FaceTime camera, but oh my gosh, the difference is incredible. So if you're doing a lot of online stuff, I highly recommend getting a webcam because, yeah, it's really. And it's pulled back too, so it's not so like your face, which is really cool. Karen and Helen have got their webcam. I love it. I love it for all the filming you're gonna do. It's so good. Any business questions coming in, let me know how you're going. What's the one thing that you're working on this week that's a one big thing for you? So there's like, as I said at the beginning, so if you've come on a bit late, really important on a Monday to sit down and go, what is most important to me this week? Week, what am I going to be working on? What is the non negotiable and have that on a separate list to all of the other things so that it doesn't get all overwhelming. But it's like, you know what? I'm going to finish off this week doing that. My thing that's the biggest on my list this week is actually not to do with business. Well, it kind of is because. So I don't know how much people have followed along since the beginning of the year, but I'm on a bit of a health journey this year in trying to get back to my normal after I packed on a Saturday stack of weight over a couple of years and I had adrenal fatigue. And so I'm trying to get back to normal and somehow. Well, not somehow with this whole quarantine thing, I got thrown off, which there's no excuse for, because being at home, like, it's not that different to my normal life. I think it's just the uncertainty and the stress. And then it was my son's birthday and Easter and my husband's birthday and all the things, and I'm like, you know, I'll just get back on the wagon then, or back on the wagon then. And that goalpost kept moving and moving and moving. But the other thing that I've learned is I cannot do moderation. And so a lot of health professionals will all say everything in moderation is good. And I do think from a theoretical point of view, totally. But I know I don't do moderation and it comes across in all different parts of my life. I don't do moderation with work. I'm either like all in or I'm like in vacation mode. There's not really much in between ground for me. And I'm the same with my eating. So this week I've committed back to having a perfect week. And that's really hard for me to get back on and do. I had a moment of mourning last night and going, okay, here we go again, farewell to it. But the thing is, when I actually do stick to it, I feel fabulous. I have way more energy for work. I get everything done. I feel happier, I'm outside, I'm moving around. It has all the benefits, but there's something about chocolate that I love. And so that's my goal this week that I'm really focusing on. So Karen and Helen are working on the completion of drafting of a big Reno project, ignoring Covid accounting Bookkeeping stuff this week. Yeah. And it has been a massive thing hopefully for a lot of people that need to access jobkeeper. That starts flowing in this week and school starting to go back. So hopefully we're going to start to see some movement in our economy there and you know, with all our beautiful females led businesses, that's all going to go straight back in, which is lovely. All right. So any other business questions that we've got coming through or we're all good to go. Let me say Stacy said same. No more wine or chocolate. I'm all or nothing too. It's a shame, but it's like as soon as I get a tiny taste for it, I'll just have this one little bit of. Of whatever it is that's going on, of mango sorbet, of whatever the tasty thing is there. I get that one little bit and I'm like, I must have more. But the thing that I've learned is that it's never enough. It's not like I can just have a square of chocolate and then go, oh, okay, I'm satisfied. I'm good for another week. Now it's like I get the square of chocolate, I'm like, is there more where that came from? Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why, but it's part of getting what we want in life is identifying what works for us, what are our patterns, what are our triggers and then sticking with that. So I do fast. 800 is what I went on at the beginning of the year and I lost 10 kilos. I've since put one on in the last couple of weeks and so I'll be back onto it again. So wish me luck as I drink my green smoothies and eat all of my bowls and bowls and bowls of greens food. Which isn't so bad. It isn't so bad. It's just the discipline needed to not eat all the other things. Alrighty. Seems there's no more coming through. So have a great week. Aim really high. If you catch yourself playing small because you think, I want to do this, but I can't because I have kids or I can't because I'm a woman, or I can't because my husband does this, or I can't because of something, something, let that go. You can do whatever it is that you want to do. So think big, go big. Do all the things you dream of because there is no reason why you can't. And I'll see you next Monday at 10aM thanks everyone. Have a great week. Bye.