A short podcast episode in which Brian Johnson reflects on the myth of perfect people and perfect relationships. He shares a personal anecdote about a mild argument with his partner, Alexandra, and emphasizes continuous effort and optimization in relationships, noting a long-term goal to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with Alexandra.
Questions this episode answers
+1: #615 There Are No Perfect Relationships
December 11, 2018
To celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary with Alexandra.
You're listening to Optimize with Brian Johnson. More wisdom in less time.
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Optimize plus one. A couple ones ago we talked about Optimizer Jessica's kind words and then had fun talking about Mr. Anonymous troll guy as well. Today I want to talk about a line from Jessica's little note that I didn't share before. In addition to her kind words about my commitment to sharing my own struggles and how that has helped her build resilience, she said, furthermore, the partnership he and Alexandra have built is exemplary. I only wish they weren't so hard to emulate. Now, again, I'm super touched by that and honored that we serve as potential relationship exemplars. And and I know Jessica wasn't saying that she thought we were perfect and I was laughing as I typed this. As Maslow said, and we discuss all the time, but still nowhere near enough. There are no perfect humans, and by extension, there are no perfect relationships. And as I always like to say, you and I won't be the first perfect people, nor will we have the first perfect relationship. At least Alexander and I certainly won't. Now here's what's funny. The morning after we received that note, literally the morning after, Alexander and I got into a nice little argument. Now, to be clear, we weren't crazy yelling at each other or anything like that, but it was a nice little testy one. And what were we arguing about? Well, that's in fact the best point, best part of the whole story, basically, about the proper way to optimize and build sustainable habits. I won't bore you with the details, but the point I want to make is that and I know this is obvious, but I want to make sure we're all on the same page. We aren't perfect individually or together. Not even close. Again, I realize that's obvious, but I want to make it jumbo explicit. Now, why do you think I work so hard on this stuff? And why do you think I come back to the same themes again and again and again? Because I need it all caps. So, yeah, there you go. By the way, in a chat with Cal Newport not too long ago, and we were actually chatting in a couple hours, which I'm very much looking forward to, we talked about my big three energy, work, and love. And he was breaking it down with his I have a PhD from MIT brain when I shared my wildly important goal for love. It's always evolving, but basically it's to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary with Alexandra and be best friends with my adult kids. I told him that no one sets a goal like that unless not hitting it is a possibility. In other words, Alexandra and I being married in another 39 years isn't a foregone conclusion. We have challenges like everyone else, and we'll choose to work on them and preserve and optimize our relationship as a key component of our optimizing and actualizing. Or we won't. But the challenge remains for all of us. Again, I repeat, off the soapbox now in a more relaxed tone. There are no perfect human beings and there are no perfect relationships. So I'm honored to be an exemplar for those who find inspiration in my life, and I'm absolutely committed to being worthy of that role. And that's today's plus one. Let's remember that no one is perfect, and as hard as we work, we won't be the first. Then let's rub our hands together at all the challenges we face and strive to be imperfect, always optimizing exemplars for our families, communities and world.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Optimize with Brian Johnson. To find out more, go go to Optimize Me.
