Brian Johnson examines how public figures and ordinary people hide struggles like rehab and divorce to project perfection. Sonia Lyubomirsky's research shows the happier someone is, the less they compare themselves to others. Johnson argues social media fuels comparison and recommends stepping back from platforms that demand a polished version of yourself.
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Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Optimize plus one. In our last plus one we talked about the nice little argument Alexander and I got into right after getting a nice little note from a fellow optimizer about how much she admired our relationship. Today I want to talk about this whole nobody's perfect thing a little more. In a book called Running Down a Dream, Tim Grohl tells us about his experience with working with some of the world's most elite authors and self help gurus. Here's a quick context. Tim is a marketing genius and specifically he helps authors launch their books. He works with authors like Dan Pink, Charles Duhigg, and Steven Pressfield, whose publishing company actually published this book. So Tim is one of the best at what he does. To put it in perspective, at one point, five of his clients were on the New York Times bestseller list at the same time. Not easy to do. But here's the thing. He tells us that one of the biggest lessons he's learned over the years is just how much these luminaries edit their lives. There's the multiple best selling author who didn't return his calls and emails for a while right before his launch. Where was he in rehab again, but no one ever heard about it. Then there's the author who doesn't say anything about his divorce. And the one who doesn't say anything about that flaw. And that one who on and on and on, editing, editing, editing. Now it's not just self help gurus, of course. In a world of social media, it's so easy to put up a facade of perfection. Editing, editing, editing. Which is one of the reasons I spend precisely zero time on social media sites. Period. I know that social comparison is toxic and and that social sites are cesspools for social comparison. At least they can be. So the point of today's plus one editing? Are you editing your life to try to come across perfectly? How would it feel if you relaxed on the selfies at the perfect angle just a tad and allowed yourself to enjoy the moment in all its imperfection? And can you see just how hard everyone else is constantly editing their lives? And if you feel so bold, perhaps spend just a little less time on Instagram and Facebook and wherever else. All the cool kids are showing their best selves off these days. This wisdom from Sonia Lyubomirsky's the How of Happiness is always worth keeping in mind. She tells us you can't be envious and happy at the same time. People who pay too much attention to social comparisons find themselves chronically vulnerable, threatened and insecure. And she says, again, I quote, the happier the person, the less attention she pays to how others around her are doing. So here's to embracing our imperfections, caring less about what others are doing, and always remembering the endless editing as we strive to create more and more authentic lives.
