+1: The Jonah Complex | Quit Running from Your Destiny (#1255)

Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Optimize plus one. Scott Berry Kaufman is one of the world's leading positive psychologists. We featured one of his earlier books called Wired to Create. So when a bunch of our optimizers recommended his new book called Transcend, I was eager to get it. Thank you again. Keep them coming please. We've got a link in the one. The book is fantastic. You in short, it's an update on Abraham Maslow's thinking, moving us beyond self actualizing into the ultimate realm of transcending ourselves in service to the world. Or as Scott puts it in the subtitle to the book, the New Science of Self Actualization. It's an important, wise book. If you're into the science of optimizing and actualizing, I think you'll love it as much as I did. Check out the notes, get it, etc. So I imagine we'll talk about a number of big ideas from that book today. I want to chat about one in particular. Have you ever heard of the Jonah complex? I hadn't before Scott introduced me to it. We meet Jonah in the Old Testament. God has big plans for him, but Jonah isn't such a big fan of those big plans. So Jonah tries to hide from God and avoid his destiny. Of course, important detail to the story. You can't hide from God. So eventually Jonah accepts his fate and does what he's here to do. Scott talks about this in a chapter on self esteem in which he walks us through a nuanced discussion about what healthy ambition is and pride looks like vis a vis the less healthy expression of ambition and pride that shows up in what psychologists call vulnerable and grandiose narcissism. We'll save that important nuanced discussion for another time. For now, here's how Scott frames it. In Transcend, I quote, Maslow argued that in order to avoid punishment from society, the person becomes humble, ingratiating, appeasing, even masochistic. In short, due to fear of punishment for being superior, she becomes inferior and throws away some of her possibilities for humanness. For the sake of safety and security, she cripples and stunts herself. That is, she is evading the task for which she was born. So to speak, she is evading her destiny. That was Maslow. Back to Scott. Maslow refers to this as the Jonah complex, a phenomena described by the historian Frank Manuel. This phrase is based on the biblical tale of Jonah, who out of fear tries to run from God's prophecy, but he can find no place to hide. Finally, he accepts his fate. He does what he is called to do. Then Scott continues by saying so let me state this as clearly as possible. You may not be entitled to shine, but you have a right to shine because you are a worthy human being. Changing your self, limiting narratives about your worthiness, asserting needs in a healthy way, overcoming your avoidance of fearful experiences and taking responsibility for your behaviors. These actions strengthen and stabilize the vulnerable self. The great irony is that the less you focus on whether you are worthy and competent and take that as a given, the greater the chances you will consistently accept your inherent worth. That's today's plus one. Are you being called by God or whatever you call that power that's bigger than you? If yes, are you answering the call? If not, are you quieting down long enough to hear that quiet voice? As you've probably picked up by now, I believe we are all being called to shine. So let's humbly yet powerfully answer that call as we overcome our avoidance of fearful experiences, take responsibility for our behaviors, and take it as a given that we are worthy. Then let's go give our families, communities, and the world all we've got. When? How about today?