Brian Johnson explores acceptance and willingness from acceptance and commitment therapy. Acceptance means taking what comes; willingness means choosing to approach pain in service of what matters. Both counter our instinct to avoid hard feelings.
Chapters
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another heroic one. In our last several plus ones, we've been mining some wisdom from Stephen Hayes lifetime of crafting acceptance and commitment therapy. We've chatted about how to get out of your mind and into your life. Then we chatted about human suffering. Remember, it's universal. Then we chatted about one of the worst things we can do, experiential avoidance. Today we're going to talk about acceptance and willingness, along with some of the practical tips Steven shares on how to stop avoiding things and start living in deeper integrity with our heroic value virtues. Let's get to work. Stephen tells us, and I quote, except comes from the Latin word caper, meaning take. Acceptance is the act of receiving or taking what is offered. Sometimes in English, accept means to tolerate or resign yourself. As an Augie, I guess I have to accept that. And that is precisely not what is meant here by accept. We mean something more like taking completely in the moment, without defense. He continues by saying we use the word willing as a synonym for accepting to stay true to that meaning of accept. Willing is one of the older words in the English language. It comes from an ancient root meaning to choose. Thus, acceptance and willingness can be understood as the answer to this question, will you take me as I am? Acceptance and willingness are the opposite of effortful control. Remember the dial at the back of the radio in chapter three? Now you know its name, the willingness dial. Now, as you know, if you've been following along, I'm a bit of an etymology nerd, Stephen is as well. So after establishing the meaning of acceptance and its synonym, willingness, Stephen asks, why willingness? He answers that question by telling us one reason willingness is worth trying is that it is remarkable how consistently the scientific literature reveals its value and the danger of its flip side, experiential avoidance. Yikes, there's that danger again. Experiential avoidance, its antidote. Be willing to accept the pain in your life. Then rather than doing everything in your power to avoid it at all costs, use the pain as a signal that it's time to approach the challenge. Instead, Stephen says, and I quote him again, to be willing and accepting means to be able to walk through the swamps of your difficult history when the swamps are directly on the path going in a direction you care about in building a life worth living. Marsha Linehan talks about willingness as a key DBT skill we need to develop as well. She tells us radical acceptance is akin to willingness. Willingness is when you allow the world to be what it is and no matter what it is you agree to participate in the world. Now, when she explains willingness, she likes to say that life is a lot like playing cards. You are dealt a certain set of cards. You may or may not like them, but they are your cards to play. If you are unwilling to play them, the game ends. As such, we must be willing to play whatever hand we have been dealt. And she uses the metaphor of a fire, you may recall, rather than a swamp. Your house is on fire. The only way out is the front door, where the flames are the greatest. You feel tempted to find a safe place somewhere in the back of the house, but you must be willing to go through the flames. And that's today's plus one. Acceptance and willingness. Let's see how we can put that wisdom into action just a little more as we navigate the inevitable swamps and fires today. Little PS Here. For more practical tips on how to practice acceptance and commitment therapy, check out our notes on the Happiness Trap and the Confidence Gap, which are linked in this plus one.
