17 Dec 2025 · 2 min
Alex Korb explains why harsh self-criticism backfires: it increases stress and reinforces old habits. Self-compassion works better for long-term goals. He uses a drywall metaphor to show how being hard on yourself is counterproductive.
Glad you mentioned compassion because a lot of times we get mad at ourselves for being this way. And it's helpful to realize that that is just how the human brain works. Because we often have this thing like, there's something wrong with me, I don't have enough willpower, or, you know, I'm just lazy or whatever. And realizing like, oh, there's nothing wrong with you. Like, that is what your brain evolved to do. Like you have a human brain. And that part of the brain is actually really helpful for 90% of the things. In this specific instance, you're trying to use a hammer to put up drywall and you keep putting holes in the drywall, like, gotta call your contractor back in. I got one thing I need, I need a better wall here. And just realizing that and treating yourself with compassion is helpful because the more you criticize yourself, the more it's going to stress you out and push you back towards old habits. And ironically, self criticism is a bad habit that most of us are really familiar with. And so when we don't make our goals or we don't make a good decision, we criticize ourselves. And that doesn't actually help you move towards your long term goals, but you do it because that's what you've been doing your whole life. And it is sometimes helpful in situations when maybe you're not enough nervous to be like, come on, we got to do this. But it's not good in situations where like, you just need to let yourself be, or in situations where you're already feeling bad about yourself. And retraining a habit of self compassion is developing a new tool that is really helpful in a lot of situations.
