In this episode of Heroic Plus One, Brian Johnson shares a personal story about his daughter Eleanor’s recent chess tournament where she earned a trophy and $53.67, earning the label of a professional chess player. He uses this anecdote to illustrate a broader parenting principle: helping children earn prestige. Johnson cites developmental psychologist Dave Yeager, a protégé of Carol Dweck and author of 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, who argues that providing opportunities for status and respect (the “mentor mindset”) fuels motivation, whereas enforcer or protector styles that shame or control undermine it, leading to rebellion as observed by Rosalie Wax. Johnson connects these ideas to Dweck’s mindset theory, Dan Siegel’s neuroscience insights, and offers listeners concrete resources—notes, book links, and an interview with Yeager from the Mastery and Coach program—to apply prestige‑based motivation in raising resilient, disciplined, and courageous children.
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Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Heroic Plus One. I'm typing this in the dark from the bathroom office. It's the final day of Emerson's 3-day chess tournament. Eleanor played 2 separate tournaments over the prior 2 days, a scholastic one for kids and a novice one for kids and adults. Now, one of the main reasons I decided to go to this tournament on my birthday weekend was because I thought Eleanor had a great shot at winning both her first trophy and some cash if she got a little lucky. As it turns out, she got so good so fast that her rating went up so fast that she didn't win any trophies at the lower level before her rating went up and she was competing against really good kids. Now, her brother has won a bunch of trophies, and let's just say that they have a wonderfully competitive spirit, and I've been excited about her winning her first trophy. So, when I saw this tournament and how she might be able to perform, I signed us up. And she won the trophy on Saturday! Exclamation points! And she won a little cash yesterday! $53.67, to be precise. She is officially a professional chess player. She tied with 2 other girls for the top female slot in the novice division. Note #1: So few girls and women play chess that they have special prizes like that. Note 2: she played against a couple of grandpas who brought a couple of their grandsons. Now, one of them came up to me after and said how much he enjoyed playing against Eleanor, and that— and I quote— she stared at me during the game under her little sparkly purple New York Yankees hat and totally intimidated me. Yes, I laughed out loud typing that. And celebrating Eleanor's first trophy and her official status as a professional chess player is But that isn't quite the point of This Plus One. This is: science says that one of the most important things we, as parents, can do for our kids is to help them earn prestige. Dave Yeager is one of the world's leading researchers on social and developmental psychology. He is one of Carol Dweck's protégés who wrote the book on the subject. It's called 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People. He tells us, and I quote him, by giving young people the thrilling opportunity to earn prestige and satisfy their needs for status and respect, mentor mindset leaders offer them the chance to feel amazing. He continues by saying young people soon learn that if they want to keep feeling that way and avoid feeling humiliated, they should follow the mentor mindset leader. The enforcer or protector mindset leaders, by shaming, Blaming, judging, evaluating, and controlling young people deny the opportunity to earn prestige. That's demotivating. The result is what Rosalie Wax saw on the reservation, passive or active teen rebellion. Now, that is one of the most important facets of the ultimate game we are playing with our kids. Chess or whatever activities your kids or grandkids engage in, that's just the little game we play. To help our kids win the ultimate game, becoming wiser, more disciplined, loving, and courageous kids who know that they have what it takes to show up and flourish in the world. Today's plus one, if you are a parent or grandparent, check out the notes on 10 to 25. And if it resonates, get the book. I've never read anything more powerful. Here's to raising the next generation of heroes. P.S., check out our notes on Dweck's mindset and self-theories as well. Of course, these are linked in the content for this Plus One and Dan Siegel's notes, which are also linked as well, and other wisdom that has played a big role in my parenting. P.S., Michael interviewed Dave Yeager for our Mastery and Coach program. He tells me it was amazing. We got a link to check that out as well.
